Selfie World

Our local mall has a new store called Selfie World. What do they sell? They don’t sell merchandise or even a service. They sell the opportunity for you to pose in front of one of their backdrops to take the best selfies in the world. You can’t make this up. An entire business, indeed a franchise, all designed to profit off the modern urge for selfies.

Our Parsha contains the decalogue, the holy aseres ha’dibros that command us to focus on a different self: אָֽנֹכִ֖י֙ ה׳ אֱלֹק֔יךָ אֲשֶׁ֧ר הוֹצֵאתִ֛יךָ מֵאֶ֥רֶץ מִצְרַ֖יִם מִבֵּ֣ית עֲבָדִ֑ים. “I, Hashem, am your God who brought you out of the land of Egypt, the house of bondage.”

Rav Sa’adya Gaon asserts that all six hundred and thirteen mitzvos are contained in these ten, and that these ten are all contained in the opening commandment, and the entire opening commandment is contained within the opening word – anochi, I. All of Halacha, all the mitzvos, the entire system of Torah is a platform to promote an awareness of, and connection with, Hashem.

Our day is regulated by many mitzvos: we wake up and daven, we go to work and are expected to be honest, we are careful with what we eat, to make a beracha before we do, to avoid gossip, to learn Torah, volunteer, give tzedakah, and so on. Our day is filled with countless Jewish activities. But at their core, at the center of it all, is the Ribono Shel Olam waving at us and saying, Anochi – Hi! Here I am! Notice Me, connect with Me, turn to Me, lean on Me, be appreciative to Me, be frustrated with Me, just recognize I am here. I not only know about your life, I am intimately involved and invested in you and in your life.

Later, when Moshe delivers his final monologue to the people and recounts the seminal moments of the people’s short history until that point, of course he reviews the experience of Matan Torah. But before he recounts the iconic words of the Ten Commandments, he reminds the people that he stood between them and Hashem and he was Hashem’s agent to deliver His Torah.

אָ֠נֹכִי עֹמֵ֨ד בֵּין־ה׳ וּבֵֽינֵיכֶם֙ “I stood between Hashem and you. The Ba’al Shem Tov homiletically suggested that we read this pasuk, “anochi omeid,” do you know what stands between a person and Hashem? “Anochi,” the person’s sense of self, their ego, their “I,” their insatiable appetite for literal and metaphorical selfies.

Someone once wrote the Lubavitcher Rebbe a letter that said the following: “I am in a state of sadness. I wake up each morning dreading the day ahead. I find that nothing lifts the clouds of gloom. I try various distractions, but nothing seems to work. I pray, but inspiration does not come. I need the rabbi’s help and advice.”

The Rebbe sent him a brilliant reply without using a single word. He simply circled the first word of each sentence of the letter and sent it back. The word was “I.”

The second of the ten commandments decrees that we must not have any other god. The Gemara (Shabbos 105b) asks which alien, foreign god lives among you that you are instructed to avoid? The Gemara answers, the yetzer ha’rah, the ego, the inflated and distorted sense of self, the urge and drive to only care about our happiness, our pleasure, our material possessions, our honor, to live for selfies. Serving our Anochi gets in the way of serving His Anochi.

Is our life informed by the true and authentic Anochi, Hashem, or the alien Anochi, the foreign god, the idol found inside us? Do we measure our lives by His Anochi, His expectations of us, or by our Anochi, what we want to do, what brings us fleeting pleasure?

The difference of which Anochi we are serving is the difference between meaning and emptiness, happiness and disappointment, serenity and anger, contentment and jealousy. The source of almost every argument we have is the worship of our Anochi, the unchecked ego. It incites our jealousy and envy of others, it inflames our anger, it generates impatience, it fuels lust and desire, it drives us to pursue honor. This Anochi that stands between us and Hashem, while it feels so familiar, so comfortable and catering to it comes so naturally, it is our biggest enemy, it causes us to self-sabotage and to forfeit the joy and meaning that is so available, if only we would turn in one Anochi for another.

Instead of Selfie World, let’s make a world filled with selflessness, love and faith in Hashem.

A Time to Speak and a Time to Remain Silent

Martin Luther King, Jr., whose birthday we will mark this Monday, spoke powerfully about the danger and potential damage of silence. He once said, “Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter.” On another occasion he said, “In the end we will remember not the words of our enemies, but the silence of our friends.” Both of these insights, individually and the combination of the two together, resonate deeply for me these days.

Whether Avraham Avinu speaking truth to the ultimate Power when he protested the impending destruction of Sedom, Moshe challenging Hashem about why bad things happen to good people, Moshe and Aharon confronting Pharaoh, Esther and Mordechai taking on Haman, the Chashmonaim standing up to the Syrian Greeks against all odds, or countless other examples, we come from a tradition of not being silent when injustice is being perpetrated against anyone, and certainly not when it is directed against our people.

That is why this week nearly 1,000 people came together to raise our unified voice in support of Israel. In August 2014 during the war between Israel and Hamas, just two hours after Hamas agreed to a ceasefire sponsored by the United States and the United Nations, Hamas terrorists emerged from a terror tunnel, shot Hadar Goldin, a Lieutenant in the Israeli Defense Forces, and killed two other Israeli soldiers. Hadar Goldin did not survive this attack, and Hamas continues to hold Hadar and the body of another Israeli soldier slain during the 2014 Gaza war, Oron Shaul, for ransom.

Seven years have passed, and the families of these fallen soldiers are still struggling to obtain the release of their loved ones for return to Israel. Currently, a huge aid package to rebuild Gaza is making its way through Congress. Any US aid packages earmarked for the reconstruction of Gaza be expressly conditioned on the return of Hadar, Oron to Israel and their families as a non-negotiable pre-condition to the award of such aid.

There is a moral imperative to bring them home. International humanitarian law requires the repatriation of missing soldiers and civilians; Jewish law requires us to make all efforts to bring the dead to their final resting places. Click here to find out how you get do more to get the bodies of our brothers home.

These are moments that demand we not remain silent. Abuse, agunahs, antisemitism and other injustices demand we speak up and speak out. Hashem has blessed us with voices, with influence and with access. We must generate outrage, the most powerful commodity these days, and the only one that draws attention and demands action and reaction.

But while there are moments to overcome our silence and to express outrage, there are other times in which we would do better to be quiet than to react with indignation.

When the Jewish people miraculously cross the sea and emerge safely on the other side, they erupt in spontaneous song – Az yashir Moshe u’Vnei Yisroel. In that song that we recite each morning in our prayers, we describe Hashem:

מִֽי־כָמֹ֤כָה בָּֽאֵלִם֙ ה׳ מִ֥י כָּמֹ֖כָה נֶאְדָּ֣ר בַּקֹּ֑דֶשׁ נוֹרָ֥א תְהִלֹּ֖ת עֹ֥שֵׂה פֶֽלֶא׃

“Who is like You, Hashem, among the celestials; Who is like You, majestic in holiness, Awesome in splendor, working wonders!”

We typically understand the song as praising Hashem’s unique power. For example, the Seforno writes: “Hashem’s incomparable stature consists in His ability to change the nature of phenomena in the universe which had previously been considered as indestructible, inviolate, impervious to any attempt by man to influence their nature in any way.”

But the Gemara understands our praise and awe of Hashem differently. When the wicked Titus entered our Holy Beis HaMikdash and desecrated the Holy of Holies in unspeakable ways, Hashem was silent, He was passive and failed to react. Why would the Almighty, the infinite, omnipotent, omniscient, all-powerful Hashem, do nothing when He could do anything? Our rabbis explain (Gittin 56b):

דבי רבי ישמעאל תנא מי כמוכה באלים ה’ מי כמוכה באלמים

Do not read “Who is like You God b’eilim,” among the celestials, but “Who is like You b’ilmim,” among the mute. Hashem modeled for us the greatest strength, the most potent response – doing nothing. God showed us His power not by manipulating nature and controlling the world, but by self-control and discipline, to remain silent in the face of insult, defamation and even blasphemy.

He taught us that our greatest strength, too, is not in overreacting to being insulted— it is not acting at all. Chazal teach (Shabbos 86) we should train ourselves to always be min ha’ne’elavim v’einam olvim, from those who when insulted don’t insult back; shom’im cherpasam v’einam m’shivim, hear the wrath against them, but don’t respond.

Save your outrage and indignation. When it comes to a personal slight, a hurtful insult, let it go, walk away. But how? We get that nasty text, that hurtful email, the aggressive comment we feel we cannot ignore. How do we stay silent? How can we find the resolve to walk away, press delete, not match or escalate what has been cast our way?

The answer is found in something we say every day, three times a day. We say at the end of the Amida – “v’limkalelai nafshi sidom, to those who curse me, may my soul remain silent.” Why do we invoke nafshi, our soul? Perhaps we mention our soul because it is the source of our strength, our self-control. We each have a tzelem Elokim, a Godly spirit, and just as Hashem shows His greatness by seeing His name and dwelling place desecrated and choosing not to respond, we can similarly find the inner strength and discipline to not respond and match the volume and vitriol, no matter how poorly we are mistreated.

The Zohar says that Hashem’s chariot has four legs, the first three are Avraham, Yitzchak and Ya’akov, and the fourth is Dovid HaMelech. It is understandable that the patriarchs represent the first three legs, but why Dovid over Moshe, Aharon, and so many worthy others?

The Chafetz Chaim, in his Shemiras Ha’Lashon, explains that David Hamelech became the fourth leg of Hashem’s Chariot when Shimi ben Geira hurled insults at him in public, and Dovid just ignored it. Even when Dovid’s servants wanted to respond, Dovid told them, he couldn’t be cursing me and embarrassing me if Hashem didn’t want it to happen, so leave it. There is a master plan, no need to respond.

Rav Pam says there are times we are meant to experience yesurin, suffering. It can come in many forms – illness, financial collapse, relationship crises. When it comes in the form of someone insulting us, we should sing and dance with joy that with all the options and alternatives, being insulted is our form of suffering. What a gift and a blessing. Lean into that insult, embrace it, and gladly take it and remain quiet.

Finding the capacity to remain silent, even when insulted, is an expression of true gevurah, of great strength. When we dig deep and find that ability, it creates a very special moment. We have a tradition that when being insulted, instead of responding, escalating or matching the vitriol, we should take a deep breath and offer a prayer, ask for something in that propitious and providential moment in time. That is when we are at our best and most worthy. Don’t waste it by shouting or insulting back; prove your strength and take advantage of the opportunity to be worthy by asking for something important.

We seem to have it backwards sometimes. We are outraged when we should be quiet, and when we should be screaming from the rooftops, somehow, we remain silent.

When it comes to antisemitism against our people and injustice against others, let’s vow to never be silent, but to stand up and speak out. Let’s hold our elected officials accountable. Not the ones in the other party, that’s easy. But calling up and calling out those in our party, the ones we identify with and voted for. Object to the elected officials saying the wrong things and call up those who are remaining silent while their colleagues cross important boundaries.

But when it comes to being personally insulted, to absorbing a slight against ourselves, let’s learn to let it go, to show our true strength and be like Hashem, to be counted among the ilmim, those that are silent, and among the ne’elavim, those that are insulted but never insult back.

Should We Partner With Evangelicals To Support Israel?

If absence makes the heart grow fonder, those who for now live outside of Israel are more in love with Israel than ever, longing for a time we can visit freely and easily. Physical distance won’t weaken our love, commitment and concern for our holy land and our brothers and sisters who live there.

While in many ways, Israel is safer and more prosperous than ever, dangers and threats persist. Hezbollah threatens from the North, Hamas instigates from the south, and the nation of Iran’s official spokesman declared in November, “We will not back off from the annihilation of Israel, even one millimeter. We want to destroy Zionism in the world.”

As independent and powerful as Israel has become, she still relies on enormous support from the United States. That includes material, measurable support like the $1 billion of military aid above the $3.8 billion annual commitment, approved by U.S. House of Representatives this fall. Additionally, and arguably more importantly, the diplomatic support America provides at the UN and throughout the Middle East is indispensable.

Where does the support for Israel come from in the United States? There are shifting attitudes toward Israel among Democrats, but even among Republicans, the support is far from a given. A University of Maryland Critical Issues Poll has recently shown that evangelical attitudes toward Israel account for most of the Republican Party’s support for Israel; without evangelicals, Republican attitudes on Israel do not substantially deviate from the rest of America. If public opinion continues to shift, the support from our elected officials could easily disappear with real policy implications that impact Israel’s security.

This data led former Israel Ambassador to the US, Ron Dermer to say last year that Israel should spend more of its energy reaching out to “passionate” American evangelicals than to Jews, who are “disproportionately among our critics.” A recent frightening survey found that younger evangelicals are much less supportive of Israel than older evangelicals, by a widening margin. The poll found a dramatic shift in attitudes between 2018 and 2021: support for Israel among young evangelicals dropped from 75% to 34%.

To summarize, US support for Israel, which is critically important for Israel’s safety and well-being, is increasingly dependent on evangelicals, whose younger members are becoming less and less likely to support Israel. So while in some measures, the US-Israel relationship is thank God strong, just beneath the surface lie reasons to be very concerned and, more importantly, to act. We must bolster support for Israel among Jews and non-Jews alike.

On January 11, Boca Raton Synagogue will be hosting a “Night to Celebrate Israel” with keynote speaker Ambassador David Friedman. The evening will also feature political commentator and media personality Ben Shapiro, a staunch and passionate advocate for Israel. It will be introduced with virtual greetings by Governor Ron Desantis, Senator Rick Scott, and Rabbi Yitzchak Adlerstein of the Wiesenthal Center. Short remarks will be shared by Former Deputy Special Envoy Ellie Cohanim and by myself and Pastor Mario Bramnick.

The event is co-sponsored by the Simon Wiesenthal Center and by the Latino Coalition for Israel, the largest pro-Israel Hispanic organization in the world. LCI is led by Pastor Bramnick, who consistently stands up for Israel and publicly fights antisemitism. He and LCI have partnered in hosting events with Jewish Federation, AIPAC and FIDF. For his work, he received the Outstanding Achievement Award from the Consulate General of Israel to Florida.

Some may wonder, should we accept financial support and advocacy from non-Jewish or evangelical sources? When Rabbi Berel Wein was asked this question, he replied: “I do not see a moral problem in Jews accepting monies from Christian organizations for humanitarian purposes as long as there are no missionary purposes and conditions attached to the donation.” Last year, with the approval of the Sanz-Klausenburg Rebbe, Laniado Hospital in Netanya accepted a large donation from the International Fellowship of Christians and Jews. Rav Hershel Schachter gave our event, which is exclusively focused on Israel, his blessing.

We are expecting a large turnout of non-Jewish guests. I urge you to be there. The event is free of charge and open to all. If we expect those who aren’t Jewish and for whom Israel is not their homeland to continue to fight and stand up, we must show our own commitment to Israel and our willingness to use our voice to combat antisemitism.

Please join us on Tuesday, January 11th at 7:00 at Boca Raton Synagogue.

You can RSVP or sign up for the VIP reception at www.brsonline.org/israel

I’m Grateful I Can’t Understand

Chaim Walder broke onto the scene in 1993 with his first best-selling book, “Yeladim mesaprim al atzmam” (“Children Talk About Themselves”), translated into English as “Kids Speak.” The series was translated into eight languages and the original became one of Israel’s all-time best-sellers. He revolutionized children’s literature in Israel, giving voice to a population who were lectured to but too often didn’t feel heard. His books were made up of stories, written in first person as reported by children, talking about their problems, feelings and experiences. Children found his books validating, comforting, and encouraging.

When a month ago, several women publicly accused Walder of assaulting them when they were minors seeing him for therapy, they weren’t the only victims. Dozens of boys, girls, married women, and single women testified in front of the Beis Din of Rav Shmuel Eliyahu about abuse going as far back as twenty-five years ago to as recently as earlier this year. Rather than participating in the Din Torah in an effort to prove his innocence, Walder ended the investigation by taking his own life, leaving behind a suicide note that asserted his continued denial and presented himself as the victim.

Our hearts go out to all those who were abused and assaulted. They deserve our unequivocal loyalty and support. Sadly, while they have suffered the most and will likely continue to confront the trauma of their experiences throughout their lives, they are not the only victims. Children who read, enjoyed and felt connected to his series of books, are reeling in pain. Parents who can’t understand, let alone explain, are devastated. The pain of all these groups has only been compounded by the disturbing attitude of some rabbis and Jewish media who have not only failed to report on the abuse or stand up for the victims, but actually laud and memorialize the heinous perpetrator.

There are so many questions surrounding this tragic story, each haunting in their own right. Many are understandably confounded in trying to understand: how could someone who dedicated his life to giving children a voice silence them? How could a storyteller deny others their story? How could a person who was devoted to validating the feelings of children, systematically abuse and assault them? Many will get stuck on the question, how could someone think the solution, the way out, or the answer is to take their own life? What exactly was he thinking when he wrote the note, what was he feeling right before he pulled the trigger?

I obviously don’t have answers to these questions but I am reminded of a powerful lesson I learned years ago when I was haunted by a similar question. As a communal rav of a large shul, I have dealt with inexplicable heartbreaking traumas over the years. Each circumstance is very different, each with its own story, background, and aftermath.

Following one such tragedy, I was haunted, couldn’t sleep and was deeply disturbed. I spoke to a therapist and explained that I had spent my life studying, analyzing, and trying to make sense of Torah, people, and events. I generally felt a decent grasp on many things but couldn’t understand this. I was obsessed with making sense of it.

The therapist, a good friend, told me to not only stop trying to make sense of it, but to be grateful I couldn’t understand it. I will never forget what he said: “If you could understand it, if you could relate to it or make sense of it, you would be capable of it. Be grateful you are healthy and well adjusted. Not being able to understand it should comfort you, not agitate you.”

Indeed, there are many questions surrounding this tragic episode and we should be content, maybe even grateful, if we can’t make sense of it. We gain nothing by trying to get into the head of someone who could write for children and abuse children. Trying to understand the internal motivations and calculations does not do any of us any good.

Instead of getting stuck on those that have no answers, we should focus on those that we can and must provide answers to. How can we better protect victims, especially children? What can we do to show support at this time to people impacted by these horrible events? How can we hold rabbonim and communal leaders who tolerate such behavior accountable? What can we do to prevent such behavior in the future?

Finding answers to these questions may not be easy but they are critical to ask and pursue. If you are able to, don’t let yourself be haunted by the unanswerable and unknowable; instead, channel the angst and discomfort into productive and meaningful conversation and action.

Pandemic Profanity

CleanSpeak profanity-filtering software, which is used by companies that host online communities and other discussion forums, says the volume of filtered inappropriate words has more than tripled in the past 18 months. Use of profanity and curse words on Facebook rose 41% from 2019 to 2021 and 27% on Twitter. Undeniably, people are cursing much more lately and according to an article this week in The Wall Street Journal, the pandemic is to blame.

Researchers note that stress levels are through the roof, personal and professional lives are blending together, and there is an increased culture of casualness. The combination is making people swear more. The increased pull towards profanity may be explainable, but is it excusable?

In 1952, an episode of I Love Lucy was deemed “controversial” television because it centered around Lucy telling her husband that she was expecting. The CBS executives thought using the word “pregnant” was too risqué and so they had her simply tell him they were “having a baby.”

In 1961, comedian Lenny Bruce faced his first charge for obscenity after swearing in a stand-up comedy set. After being released and arrested several more times, he was finally detained, charged, and found guilty of obscenity in 1964.

While some relics of this era still exist (in Virginia, “Profane swearing“ is a Class 4 misdemeanor punishable by a $250 fine), the world has radically changed and, with it, the environment we live in. Obscenity has gone from a crime to a legitimate form of communication.

The FCC still defines profanity as language that’s so “grossly offensive” to “members of the public” that it becomes a “nuisance.” The problem is who defines “grossly offensive,” who are the “members of the public,” and what qualifies as a “nuisance”? The goalposts on all three are moving rapidly and not towards traditional or modest definitions.

Remember when people in positions of leadership and distinction were held even more accountable for carrying themselves with dignity and class? GovPredict, a political analytics firm, tracked an unsurprising yet shocking trend regarding politicians and social media. In 2014, there were 83 instances of lawmakers using profane words online. In 2017, this grew to a whopping 1,571 instances and in 2018 there were 2,409 instances. The last couple of years has put that to shame. According to the firm, politicians have been swearing up a storm and using words that used to make us blush at campaign stops, in press conferences, at debates and on their social media.

The result is it is no longer safe to watch an interview with an elected leader or watch a debate in front of children. We can’t take for granted that public places will be profanity free. And the media has drastically lowered its standards. CBS, the same network that once refused to air the word “pregnant,” recently featured a show whose title was a cleaned-up swear word. Popular radio stations regularly play songs with words that as recently as 10 or 15 years ago would never have cleared censors.

Why is it so bad? What is wrong with cursing? Doesn’t it reflect passion, feeling, emotion? Isn’t cursing a healthy way to find release, to respond to pain or frustration? Shouldn’t we believe the research that says cursing has positive benefits?

The answer is no. Giving in to the urge to use a profanity is to forfeit our very humanity and indulge an animal impulse. Our sacred Torah tells us the ability to speak, the art of communication, is what differentiates man from animal. When we elevate it, we are acting more God-like, and when we lower ourselves to use vulgarity or obscenity we are expressing the animal part of ourselves.

In “What Swearing Reveals About Our Language, Our Brains, and Ourselves,” Professor Benjamin K. Bergen shares the research behind cursing. For example, he describes how some stroke victims can still swear fluently even if their other language abilities are severely impaired. Advanced language comes from the more sophisticated parts of the brain while swearing taps into much more primal neural hardware in the basal ganglia. Similarly, Tourette’s syndrome, which involves dysfunction of the basal ganglia, can cause an overwhelming urge to swear. The animal part of us wants to curse. When we hold back, we are expressing our very humanity.

That is why our rabbis (Shabbos 33a) were so opposed to what they call nivul peh, vulgarity of the mouth. When we express self-control and discipline, we are imitating Hashem and we thereby exhibit dignity and class. When we fail and give in to a natural urge to curse or swear, it is demeaning, we are diminishing ourselves.

Fighting this urge is not always easy, particularly when something upsets us, frustrates us or we are physically hurt. In today’s age, it can be particularly challenging when much of our communicating takes place through typing or texting, where we may allow ourselves to use words digitally we wouldn’t use verbally. Yet, the capacity to preserve dignified language even in those moments and those mediums is in some ways the very measure of our humanity and Godliness.

The Midrash (Vayikra Rabbah 24:7) understands the “evil matter” in the passuk “When you go out to war guard yourself from every evil matter,” as referring to cursing or using nivul peh.

The Maharal explains that nivul peh, engaging in obscenity, is so severe, even more so than other forms of negative speech like gossip, because it is used even when nobody is around; it is articulated even when there is no audience to hear. Compromising oneself when there is no benefit is in fact the most degrading and therefore the most severe.

Using or listening to vulgarity is taking a pure, beautiful gift, the power of communication, and contaminating and spoiling it. Whenever I hear someone curse to try to make a point, I can’t help but think if they were more intelligent they would find a more effective way to communicate that point without needing to distract with the shock value of using an obscenity. I am always less impressed, not more, less focused on what they are saying and more focused on why they said it like that. I am less persuaded, not more. Most of all, I am disappointed that they have chosen to transmit their contamination to me, to compromise my environment and to harm the climate that we share.

Whether online or offline, the words we say and how we say them reflect the essence of who we are and who we aspire to be. If we make the “members of our public” judge all obscenity and vulgarity a “nuisance” and “grossly offensive,” we can demand clean speech that won’t leave emissions that negatively impact our environment for our generation and generations to come. The pandemic is no excuse to not elevate our power of speech. We have lost so much, let’s not lose our dignity and class.

What Does Jewish Law Say about Marijuana?

In 1970, President Richard Nixon signed the Controlled Substances Act (“CSA”), essentially declaring a war on drugs, including marijuana. American’s attitude and US law have come a long way since then. Last year, the US House of Representatives passed legislation to remove cannabis (marijuana) from the CSA. Currently, legislation is being considered to decriminalize marijuana and establish a tax on sales similar to alcohol.

Eighteen States have presently legalized the recreational use of marijuana and 36 approve it for medical use. The legal cannabis market is expected to reach over $40 billion in the United States by 2026.

With popular opinion and American law increasingly embracing marijuana use, the question is, what does Judaism have to say?

In Jewish law, there is a general requirement to observe the civil laws of the land in which one lives when they are not in contradiction with Jewish law.[1] Therefore, in addition to whatever Judaism says about marijuana, Jewish law demands an obedience to the authority of civil law. If it’s illegal to possess or use marijuana, it’s also against Jewish law.

Does that mean if it’s legal, it’s also permissible according to Jewish law and Jewish values?

Medical Marijuana

It’s important to distinguish between recreational marijuana use and medical use. The Talmud[2] understands from the Hebrew phrase “v’rapoh yerapeih,[3] he shall provide for his healing” that man has license to treat, even though the process of healing could itself violate other values such as not causing someone to bleed. What about treating pain, even when there is no healing benefit? Is one permitted to violate other values or prohibitions, simply to relieve pain?

Rabbi Avraham Borenstein[4] (1838-1910) proves that the treatment exemption doesn’t only apply to healing, but also to pain management, even if there is no therapeutic benefit.

Based on this ruling, Rabbi Shlomo Zalman Auerbach[5] (1910-1995) and others conclude that use of narcotics, such as morphine are permissible, even for a terminally ill patient if necessary to relieve pain. Though morphine impacts breathing and can hasten death, it is permissible for a terminally ill patient nonetheless because diminishing pain is a form of healing.

Extending this ruling, Rabbi Yitzchak Zilberstein,[6] a contemporary authority, writes that despite a general negative approach to marijuana use, it may be used for medical and pain management purposes, no different than narcotics or pain medications.

Recreational Marijuana

The Torah obligates us to live healthy lives and to generally protect our wellbeing. The Talmud[7] derives from the verse, “V’nishmartem m’od l’nafshoseichem, be very careful to safeguard your soul,”[8] a mandate to be responsible with our lives. Is marijuana use a violation of the responsibility to live a healthy life?

The Talmud[9] tells us that Rav, who lived in the second century, told his son Chiya, “Do not ingest any drugs.” Rashi explains that Rav was concerned that a person would enjoy the “high” and would crave experiencing it over and over. Why is that a problem? How is being high and happy a violation of living healthy?

Humans are composed of two souls, our animal soul and our Godly soul. The animal soul urges us to act impulsively and to indulge our drives indiscriminately. We describe someone who is out of control as acting like an animal and someone who stuffs their face as eating like a pig. We are also endowed with a Godly soul and are each created in God’s image. The Godly soul is capable of discipline and self-control. It enables us to consciously make choices and empowers us to regulate our behavior.

When we indulge in substances that cloud our judgment or that compromise our consciousness, when we lose control and become undisciplined, we are weakening our Godly soul, essentially surrendering our very humanity. We are meant to live in the here and now, to be fully engaged and immersed in the present, aware of our surroundings, engaged with our environment, responsible for our behavior and able to remember what we did and what occurred around us. Using substances, be they drugs or alcohol to escape our reality, to numb ourselves to pain, to feel heightened pleasure or just for fun is to submit to our base self, to choose the animal impulse over our Godly soul.

Holiness demands consciousness, mindfulness, and self-control. That’s why the Torah[10] forbids drinking wine in the Temple, the holiest building, in the holiest place on earth. While getting drunk or high can lead to a fleeting and temporary happiness, it is counterfeit and short lived. The Rambam writes, “whoever becomes drunk is a sinner, is shameful and will lose his wisdom. If he becomes drunk before others, he desecrates God’s Name.”

Some argue that being high or drunk actually enables religious growth and spiritual breakthrough by removing inhibitions and relieving stress, but this is a mistake. Authentic, genuine and lasting spiritual growth results from engaging our heart, brain and soul in a conscious state, not by escaping them.

It is important to note that while research comparing dangers and side effects of alcohol and marijuana remains mixed, there is a fundamental difference between them. At Jewish events, on holidays and during lifecycle events, wine is used in moderation to elevate and dignify the occasion. While Judaism frowns upon getting drunk, it simultaneously incorporates lifting a glass of wine to honor a special occasion. Wine can be enjoyed in moderation and consumed without intoxicating while marijuana is a tool to get high with some research arguing it is a gateway drug.

Rabbi Moshe Feinstein, one of the greatest American rabbis of the 20^th century, rules[11] that marijuana use is addictive, harmful and forbidden. According to the National Institute of Health,[12] 30% of those who use marijuana have some degree of marijuana use disorder. Additionally, research[13] shows that marijuana use kills brain cells and can be harmful to a person’s health and wellbeing. Marijuana use is associated with deficits in decision-making. A person who is high not only cannot observe mitzvot properly, he or she is much more likely to engage in behavior and choices that are antithetical to Jewish law and in conflict with Jewish values.

Rabbi Feinstein concludes by reminding us that in Judaism, we live for holiness, not happiness, and says, “We must make our greatest effort to combat this impure and unholy activity from the Jewish people.”

A contemporary rabbi in Israel, Rabbi Shlomo Aviner also addresses this question and comes to the same strict conclusion. He writes[14] that people who use marijuana become dependent on it and that dependance compromises the capacity to live our best selves. He adds that it tends to make people unmotivated, impacts memory, and inflates confidence in dangerously unhealthy ways, all assertions that are supported by research and inconsistent with a rich, ambitious Jewish life.

High on Hashem

While marijuana use creates a fleeting, inauthentic high, there is a drug that is not only legal and permissible according to Jewish law, but creates a permanent joy, pleasure and satisfaction. The Talmud[15] calls our sacred and timeless Torah, the sam chayim, the drug of life. Learning and living Torah gives us contact with the Divine and enables us to connect with immortality. In his classic manual for meaningful living, Mesillas Yesharim, the Ramchal writes that, “man was created solely to delight in God and to derive pleasure in the radiance of the Shechina (divine presence). For this is the true delight and the greatest pleasure that can possibly exist.”

We don’t need to turn to substances for escape, relief or pleasure, we have the opportunity and invitation to get high on Hashem. When we nourish and satisfy our Godly soul rather than our animal impulse, we experience a high that is real, lasting and transformative.

Conclusion

While the world around is adopting more permissive laws and views of marijuana use, Jewish law believes that although medical marijuana is permissible, its recreational use prevents us from being our best selves and is forbidden. We should satisfy the craving to “get high” by working hard to develop our spiritual muscles and deepen our connection to the Infinite Source of creation.

[1] This is known in the Talmud (Bava Kamma 113a) as dina d’malchusa dina, the law of the land is the law.

[2] Bava Kama 85a

[3] Shemos 21:19

[4] Avnei Nezer o.c. 453

[5] Nishmas Avraham y.d. 339

[6] Techumin v. 23

[7] Berachos 32b

[8] Devarim 4:15

[9] Pesachim 113a

[10] Vayikra 10:9

[11] Igros Moshe y.d. 3:35

[12] https://www.drugabuse.gov/publications/research-reports/marijuana/marijuana-addictive

[13] https://www.medicalnewstoday.com/articles/does-weed-kill-brain-cells#in-teenagers

[14] Sheilas Shlomo 4:264

[15] Yoma 72a

The Most Effective Way to Have Influence

A couple of years ago, Bibi Netanyahu was quoted as saying there are only two men he considers fit to lead the State of Israel and one of them is Ron Dermer. We had the great privilege of hosting Ambassador Dermer at Boca Raton Synagogue this week and after meeting him and hearing his insights, analysis, and reflections, it is clear why Prime Minister Netanyahu felt that way. During his seven-and-a-half years as Israel’s Ambassador to the United States, Dermer wasn’t just a diplomat and outstanding spokesperson for Israel, he helped shape historic policies and nurtured major peace initiatives.

Following his presentation, I had the chance to sit with Ambassador Dermer and my daughter Tamar to discuss ways young people can get involved in advocating for Israel in a meaningful way. Not surprisingly, the ambassador made some excellent suggestions and gave tremendous encouragement regarding the long-term impact of influencing even one opinion, even when you don’t realize it right away. He then shared a story to illustrate his message that had a tremendous impact on me.

In 2015, while he was ambassador, he lobbied feverishly against the Iran deal that Congress was going to vote on. He met with countless members of Congress, scheduling a half-hour with each one in an effort to persuade them to vote against what he felt was a deal that left Iran with a clear path to a nuclear weapon. He went in to see a particular congressman and thirty seconds into the conversation, before he could even begin to make his pitch, the congressman said, “You don’t need to try to convince me, I plan to vote against the deal.”

Somewhat startled, Dermer recalled thinking to himself, I have twenty-nine and a half minutes left, and so he naturally asked the congressman what made him take what was an unpopular position among his party. The congressman explained that he immigrated to America when he was fifteen years old and lived in a neighborhood of immigrants. Few people gave them the time of day, they were treated downright rudely and with hostility by others, and nobody allowed them to play on their basketball courts. There was one exception.

“There was a synagogue in our neighborhood,” explained the congressman, “and the members greeted us warmly and respectfully. They invited us to use their basketball court and they treated us with dignity. Since I was fifteen years old, I have been determined to always stand with the Jews and to stand with Israel and that is why I am voting against the Iran deal.”

Ambassador Dermer then pointed out the members of that shul were enormous Israel advocates who influenced the US-Israel relationship without even realizing it, just by being good people.

Those learning Daf Yomi recently studied a Gemara (Taanis 21b) that teaches how we may not appreciate the impact of our behavior and the merit it brings to others, even when we think nobody sees:

Once there was a plague of pestilence in Sura, but in the neighborhood of Rav there was no pestilence. The people therefore thought that this was due to Rav’s great merit. However, it was revealed to them in a dream that Rav’s merit was too great and this matter too small for the merit of Rav to be involved. Rather, his neighborhood was spared due to the acts of kindness of a certain man, who would lend his hoe and shovel to prepare sites for burial.

Rabbi Paysach Krohn tells the story of a Conservative Jew walking into an Orthodox shul in Dallas, Texas. The man introduces himself to the rabbi and presents a large, unsolicited donation. The rabbi was stunned by the unexpected gift and explained that the shul had a great need to renovate an educational wing but didn’t have the startup money. “Your donation,” he said, “is going to turn this project into a reality, but I am very curious about who you are and why you chose to make a large gift to our shul?”

The man explained that he made his first trip to Israel a few months back and ended up at the Kotel. He said, “As I took in the sights around me, I noticed a Yerushalmi Jew standing and davening in silent devotion. I had never witnessed someone praying so fervently or with such meaning. I was mesmerized and entranced. But even more, I was inspired. I determined right then and there that when I got home, I was going to make a donation to a shul in honor of that Yerushalmi Jew. When I returned I thought to myself, if that Jew were here in Dallas, where would he be comfortable praying, and I looked in the Yellow Pages for an orthodox shul and came up with you.” That man ultimately became more observant and continued his generosity in building the Torah institutions of the community.

Reflecting on the story, Rabbi Krohn invites us to imagine what happens when the Yerushalmi Jew comes before the Heavenly court after 120 years in this world. He will be greeted enthusiastically with a hero’s welcome. He will be rewarded for transforming Judaism in Dallas, Texas and for all the Torah learned by thousands of people, and by all the davening that took place in the Shul that he supported. He will undoubtedly turn to the Heavenly Judge and say, there must be a mistake, I have never even been to Dallas, Texas. I don’t even speak English. He will only then learn the impact of the impression and inspiration he spread when he davened so sincerely and fervently at the Kotel that fateful day.

Our actions have cosmic implications. The small acts of kindness and virtue we engage in can make the biggest difference not only to ourselves, but to all of humanity. In 1963, meteorologist Edward Lorenz introduced what he called the “butterfly effect.” He showed that the flapping of a butterfly’s wing in Australia can cause a tornado in Kansas, a monsoon in Indonesia, or a hurricane in Boca Raton. Lorenz’s thesis is part of a greater theory called chaos theory that essentially posits that small acts can have large outcomes. Chaos theory is applied in mathematics, programming, microbiology, biology, computer science, economics, engineering, finance, philosophy, physics, politics, population dynamics, psychology, robotics, and meteorology.

Chief Rabbi Jonathan Sacks has applied chaos theory in one more realm. In his book “To Heal a Fractured World,” he coined the phrase “chaos theory of virtue,” demonstrating how small acts of kindness and virtue can have immeasurable consequences on the world. Sometimes, as was the case with the donor in Dallas and the synagogue that was the basis for a pro-Israel vote, we see the consequences and impact; more often than not, we don’t.

Our mission is to be kind, warm, welcoming and respectful, act with virtue and righteousness always. Among many other reasons, you never know who is watching or how it will impact their attitude to Jews or Israel.

Still Giving Me Goosebumps: Our Shabbos With Rav Hershel Schachter

Non-human mammals get what we call goosebumps, the constriction of skin surrounding hair follicles, when they feel threatened or attacked. Only human beings get goosebumps for a different feeling: awe. Awe is the feeling of being in the presence of greatness, of being exposed to that which is transcendent or extraordinary.

I will never forget the goosebumps and feeling of awe I felt when I first heard shiur from Mori V’Rabi, Rav Schachter, at YU twenty-seven years ago. His encyclopedic knowledge, capacity to weave together sources from the width and breadth of Torah, his stamina to give shiur daily for two hours straight without so much as a pause, a hesitation or a need to think, simply blew me away. Without exaggeration, I vividly remember often getting goosebumps in shiur, the result of feeling I was in the presence of someone extraordinary.

Being in Rav Schachter’s shiur then, and continuing to listen and learn from him ever since, has not only giving me access to an enormous wellspring of Torah, it provides something else that is special and critically important: contact with, and access to, greatness.

The Navi (Yeshayahu 30:20) teaches, “V’hayu einecha ro’os es morecha, Your eyes shall see your teachers.” Though the pasuk is talking about God, our rabbis have interpreted it as an encouragement to look at and see the face of our great Torah teachers. Watching a righteous and great person can be life-changing. This was the case for Elisha after he came in contact with Eliyahu. Reish Lakish was changed forever after meeting Rav Yochanan (See Bava Metzia 84a). The Talmud (Eruvin 13b) quotes Rebbe Yehudah HaNasi who said, “I was sharper in Torah study than my friends because I saw Rabbi Meir from behind, and had I seen him from the front I would have been even sharper.”

Boca Raton Synagogue has been hosting Rav and Rebbetzin Schachter for many years, enabling and inviting our community to be exposed to greatness and the opportunity to get goosebumps. As the years have passed, our awe has not dulled, it has only grown. We were privileged to host Rav Schachter last Shabbos and it was our best one yet.

I recorded some highlights to serve as personal inspiration for me, and I’m sharing them here so you can get goosebumps too:

· Stamina: Rav Schachter celebrated his 80^th birthday this year, bli ayin harah. When others are slowing down, or retiring altogether, he seems to only be picking up. Traveling, being hosted by others, and being “on” for days at a time can be exhausting, leaving many scholars in residence only willing to speak a few times on their visit. By contrast, Rav Schachter asks us to line up as many opportunities as possible, from the moment he lands until he leaves, to maximize his Torah teaching and justify his leaving Yeshiva. On this trip, aside from his shiur on Thursday night delivered soon after he arrived, he spoke seven times on Friday and six times over Shabbos and Motzei Shabbos. His energy, clarity, and comprehensiveness were as strong in the last slot of the day as the first. His strength and stamina that come from his love for and commitment to teaching Torah are simply mindboggling.

· Mindfulness: The Zohar (3:29a) says that Talmidei Chachamim, Torah scholars, are called “Shabbos.” In his Menuchas Ha’Nefesh, Rav Chaim Friedlander explains that our righteous scholars are able to experience Shabbos all week long because they are in a perpetual state of focus, of not being connected to that which distracts or diverts attention and mindfulness. One of the most impressive things about Rav Schachter is his capacity to be fully immersed and engrossed in whatever he is doing at that moment. There were countless people lined up to speak to him after each presentation and he gave each of them, including many young children, his full attention, making them each feel like the most important person in the world at that moment. It didn’t matter if it was late at night or he hadn’t yet made kiddush or eaten anything, he patiently waited until each had their turn, making them feel it was his privilege, not a burden.

· Hasmadah: Most others with such a rigorous and grueling schedule would crave down time to recover or relax. Rav Schachter’s version of down time is to learn diligently, fully taking advantage of every single moment to be further connected to Torah. In between talks, after a long and exhausting day, or early in the morning, he can be found with a sefer, entirely absorbed in whatever he is learning in those moments. On a previous visit, when Rav Schachter arrived I asked him how the flight went. He answered, with complete sincerity, “It was great. When I got to my seat, I opened my Gemara and the next thing I knew, they announced we were landing. I didn’t realize we had taken off.” Another time he had a very early flight to go home. I came out to make sure he was awake and found him in my study engrossed in a teshuva of the Nodah B’Yehudah. Yes, Rav Schachter is blessed with a brilliant mind and supernatural memory, but make no mistake, his greatness in Torah is the result of his hard work and tenacity.

· Davening: I have always felt that a measure of whether someone’s Torah knowledge is academic or abstract or rather has molded and shaped their character is the way they daven. Though he knows Shas and poskim by heart, Rav Schachter davens slowly and methodically like he doesn’t know Hebrew well or it is his first time reading the words. When he says he will daven for someone, be it family, talmidim, or complete strangers, he means it. All those people are added the litany of names he thinks about each time he sincerely pours his heart out to the Ribono Shel Olam. Each morning, he asked if we can leave twenty minutes before davening started so that he could have a fifteen-minute head start in order to reach Borchu at the same time as everyone else. Despite his enormous responsibilities, obligations, and packed schedule, when Rav Schachter davens, it is clear he has nowhere else to be, nothing else to be doing, and nothing else on his mind. There is no sefer on his shtender, no looking around—he is completely locked in to the conversation he is having with Hashem. When the Prayer for the courageous members of Tzahal was being said on Shabbos morning, I heard someone choking up. It was Rav Schachter who doesn’t just say or hear those words, he feels them to his core and thinks about our heroic and valiant soldiers and their wellbeing.

· Humility: Rav Schachter is a world-famous Rosh Yeshiva and Talmid Chacham and an incredibly sought-after Posek deciding halacha for OU Kashrus and countless other organizations, efforts, and individuals. And yet, he is enormously humble, modest, and unpretentious. Over his Shabbos here, he put the same energy and effort into his meeting with middle school boys and with the Vaad HaRabbonim, the same passion came across in his Dvar Torah to Avos U’Banim and his shiur to the advanced Chabura. When we walked out of the Tisch late Friday night and had taken a few steps past the entrance, Rav Schachter stopped, turned back and made sure to greet and thank the security guard who was still on duty. When the guard saw the “big rabbi” who was visiting the shul took a moment to acknowledge him, it was clear from the smile on his face how much it had made his day. Rav Schachter inquired about a 97-year-old member of ours and when I explained that he hasn’t yet been back to Shul, he suggested we go visit, which we did on Motzei Shabbos. Those few minutes didn’t just give enormous chizuk to our beloved member, they inspired me deeply.

I offer this incomplete profile in greatness not because Rav Schachter needs it or would even enjoy it, quite the opposite. Rather, I share it to capture and communicate how blessed we should feel to have a rebbe and leader worthy of our awe and how grateful we are for a Shabbos that left us with goosebumps.

This Chanukah Savor the Moment

Several studies have shown that adopting routines can make you more productive. Routine is a hallmark of efficiency and can also help harness your creativity. Many successfully creative people swear by the routines they formed: author Stephen King famously sits down at the same time every morning, which he believes allows his writing to “kick on.” Routine is a hallmark of many big thinkers: Geniuses like Steve Jobs and Albert Einstein liked to wear the same thing every day in order to not expend mental energy on wardrobe decisions.

Perhaps that is why Yaakov wanted to finally settle into a routine. Vayeishev Yaakov b’eretz m’gurei aviv, Yaakov settled in his father’s homeland. Rashi quotes Chazal: Bikeish Ya’akov leishev b’shalva, Yaakov wanted to live with a quiet routine, he wanted to settle into a peaceful and stable life and lifestyle. Until now, his whole life has been characterized by tension, conflict, living on the run and often in fear. No two days have been the same. All he wants is leishev b’shalva, he wants to retire, settle down, and develop a routine in life.

Yet, for some reason, Hashem saw this desire and goal as detrimental and inappropriate. In fact, instead of giving Yaakov peace of mind and a stable routine, kafatz alav rogzo shel Yosef, the most tumultuous and stressful episode of Yaakov’s life ensues. Somehow, craving a peaceful routine was so wrong it was actually served as the catalyst for Hashem mixing things up. Why?

The truth is that while there are benefits to routines, when people are too settled in their routine, complacency and contentment result. Complacency breeds apathy, one of the biggest obstacles to growth and progress. It also leads to poor decision-making and being blind to new choices and possibilities that could benefit us.

On Feb. 5, 2014, London Underground workers went on a 48-hour strike, forcing the closings of several tube stops. The affected commuters had to find alternate routes. When the strike ended, most people reverted to their old patterns. But roughly one in 20 stuck with the new route, shaving 6.7 minutes from what had been an average 32-minute commute. The closings imposed by the strike forced experimentation with alternate routes, yielding valuable results. And if the strike had been longer, even more improvements would probably have been discovered.

Researchers have long studied why people purchase name-brand items when the equivalent generic is available with a significant cost savings, which could compound to real money. This phenomenon is noteworthy for drugs, when generics and branded options are chemically equivalent. Why continue to buy a name-brand aspirin when the same chemical compound sits next to it on the shelf at a cheaper price? Scientists have already verified that the two forms of aspirin are identical. The only difference is the label and the price. And yet, most buy the name brand. Why? Habit, ritual, and thoughtless routine.

So on the one hand habits are powerful, they can help promote creativity and efficiency. But on the other hand, habits and routines can deny us the openness and flexibility to learn, to see new things, to grow, experiment, adjust and make changes that will improve us and improve our lives.

One study estimated that 47 percent of all our behaviors are the result of habits we have formed. That can be leveraged in a positive way. Just think about it – if we form the right habits—being on time, showing patience, extending generosity—we have half our day preprogrammed in a way we can be proud of. The downside, of course, is that nearly half our lives is not the result of thoughtful consideration, mindful choices, but simply having settled into habits and routines mindlessly. That is no way to live.

This week we begin the holiday of Chanukah and the mitzvah of lighting the menorah. The mitzvah begins after sunset and the Gemara (Shabbos 21a) tells us, it extends עד שתכלה רגל מן השוק, until people are no longer walking around in the marketplace. The goal and purpose of the light of the menorah is ,פרסומי ניסא to publicize God’s great miracles and so once there are no longer people present to see the lights, the mitzvah is no longer applicable. In the time of the Gemara, and even the Shulchan Aruch, this time was relatively shortly after nightfall when people couldn’t function outside without natural light. Today, with artificial light, the time is significantly later.

The Sefas Emes quotes his grandfather, the Chiddushei HaRim, who offers a homiletical interpretation of this measure, one that gives great insight into the essence of the holiday. “עד שתכלה רגל מן השוק”, says the Sefas Emes, is not describing how long in time the candles must be lit, but how deep the light of the candles must penetrate into our hearts and our habits. He suggested don’t read it רגל, but rather עד שתכלה הרגל מן השוק, we must experience the light of the candles and the richness of these eight days until it breaks our habits, jolts us from our routines, and enables us to take a step back and look at our lives.

So many of us are caught in the hamster wheel of life. We wake up, go to work, maybe exercise, brainlessly relax, go to sleep, wake up and start again. Or we wake up, make lunches, drive carpool, shop, cook, do homework, serve dinner, collapse, wake up and start again. Or some combination of the two. What these routines all have in common is being carried by inertia and momentum, moving at such a fast pace that there is no time or space, no margin or room to ever stop, look, assess, evaluate and mindfully determine if we are allocating our time, energy and resources in the most optimal way, or if we are just creatures of routines, products of habits that were somehow formed at some time and have become our default, our normal, our assumed.

There is a beautiful campaign for Chanukah called “Savor the moment.” It calls for Jews across the world to go screen-free for 30 minutes after candle lighting, the minimum necessary time for the candles to burn. For too many of us, being chained to our smartphone, tablet, laptop or TV has become routine. We desperately need this considering that the average American touches his or her phone 2,617 times a day.

Chanukah can give us the energy to have the courage and will to תכלה הרגל, to break the habits and see the light, literally and figuratively. Imagine eight consecutive nights of half an hour screen-free time together lighting candles, singing Ma’oz Tzur, dancing to great music, sharing gifts, spinning the dreidel, sharing Divrei Torah, or however you want to spend it. Eight nights of quality, uninterrupted family time. You don’t have to imagine it – it can be our reality this Chanukah and beyond, if only we are willing to break free from the routine.

3 Keys to Being Happy

When the Founding Fathers included the pursuit of happiness as an American right and entitlement, it is almost as if they conceded that happiness can be pursued, but it is unlikely to ever be attained. If you look around, you can’t help but notice that for many, the pursuit has grown tiring and indeed, many have given up. In the last twenty years, there has been an astounding increase in antidepressant use by Americans. One might even suggest that the growing effort to legalize marijuana nationally is driven by a community eager to find pleasure and happiness, even if it is by escaping reality.

In 2006, Harvard psychologist Daniel Gilbert wrote a book called “Stumbling on Happiness.” In it, he argues that the things and experiences we typically predict and imagine will bring us happiness, rarely do. Rather, he says, happiness is elusive, and we should learn from how others have stumbled upon it. The first part of his thesis is undeniable. Study after study has concluded that money, fame, and power not only don’t contribute to happiness, but often are obstacles to and detractors from experiencing it. So how do we finally attain it?

1) Happiness is not an emotion; it is a decision. Stop waiting passively to feel it and start actively choosing to be it.

In Parshas Ki Savo, the Torah says, u’vau kol ha’berachos ha’eleh, v’hisigucha, which literally translates as “All these blessings will come upon you and overtake you.” What does it mean v’hisigucha, to be overtaken by blessing? Rav Shlomo Yosef Zevin explains that Hashem gives each of us beracha, blessing in our lives. That blessing can manifest itself in all types of form – material possessions, meaningful relationships, special skills, wonderful opportunities, family, and the list could go on and on. The first blessing is the particular gift. But even more important and an even greater blessing is v’hisigucha…to recognize, appreciate and acknowledge the blessing.

Simcha, happiness, occurs when we make the decision to focus on the blessings in our lives, no matter how challenging or formidable the struggles we face simultaneously. If our happiness results from the blessings we already have, we can always find happiness because we always have at least something. But if our happiness is determined by what we don’t have, “If only I had more money, a nicer house, a better job, a more loving spouse, more loyal children, etc.” we will never be happy because we can always have more. Therefore, by definition, there will always be something we don’t have.

The decision to be b’simcha, happy, doesn’t only affect us but it can positively influence our environment and family. Dr. Nicholas Christakis, a physician at Harvard Medical School, authored a study that concludes that happiness, scientifically speaking, is literally contagious. The same way a person yawning causes others to also begin to yawn, when one person smiles or is happy, it is infectious and draws smiles and happiness from others.

It has been suggested homiletically that the etymology of the word simcha comes from sam-mo’ach, focus your thoughts. Make the decision to be happy and the feeling will follow.

2) Happiness comes from giving, not from getting. It comes from being a giver, not a taker.

After many years concentrating on what makes people depressed, social scientists are now beginning to study what makes people happy. Their answer is counter-intuitive. Paradoxically, it turns out the biggest obstacle to achieving happiness is our own pursuit of it. When happiness is defined by our needs, our wants, and our desires, it will remain elusive and unattainable for we will never have everything. Instead, studies show that people report better health and greater happiness when they volunteer for a worthwhile cause or spend time helping others. Moreover, studies have shown the efficacy of volunteering and helping in combating depression.

Happiness does not result from a focus inward, but it results from the deep satisfaction and profound gratification of imitating God and helping others. At the end of Hilchos Megillah (2:17), the Rambam makes an incredible comment. He asks, if a person has limited funds and has to choose between having a more lavish and luxurious Purim meal, more extravagant and impressive mishloach manos, or giving more matanos l’evyonim, money to the poor, what should he do and why?

The Rambam codifies that the resources should be dedicated to helping the indigent and poor because Purim is about simcha and there is no greater happiness than bringing joy to others, especially the underprivileged.

Someone once wrote to the Lubavitcher Rebbe z’l in a state of deep depression and hopelessness. The letter essentially said, “I would like the Rebbe’s help. I wake up each day sad and apprehensive. I can’t concentrate. I find it hard to pray. I keep the commandments, but I find no spiritual satisfaction. I go to the synagogue but I feel alone. I begin to wonder what life is about. I need help.”

The Rebbe sent a brilliant reply back that did not use even a single word. He simply circled the first word of every sentence in the letter and sent it back. The author of the letter understood, and he was on the path to greater happiness and hope. The circled word at the beginning of each sentence was ‘I’.

A self-centered person, a taker, can never be happy in life because they could never take enough. Givers find joy in doing for others and therefore have great access to happiness because there are always ample opportunities to give.

3) Surrender control and let go, let God.

Several summers ago, on a visit to Israel, I decided to go skydiving and to appreciate our homeland from a new perspective. After a comprehensive five minutes of instruction, I was taken up in a tiny plane that if I wasn’t crazy enough to jump out of, I was crazy to get into. With a soft helmet on, and goggles on my face, they placed me with my feet dangling off the side of the airplane. We were 12,000 feet in the air and the beautiful land of Israel was a fuzzy blur. I vividly remember leaning over and looking down and feeling like I couldn’t breathe.

Before I could have second thoughts, I felt a nudge and out the plane I went. I was heading towards Mother Earth travelling over 100 miles an hour. The wind was rushing all around me, my arms and legs were extended, and I think I tasted my spleen. For a brief moment, I felt panicked. “This is absolutely nuts, what kind of crazy, insane person does this?” I thought to myself. I started to get scared, worried and anxious and then I remembered.

Immediately behind me, attached by numerous metal latches and clips, was a big Israeli man who trains paratroopers in the Israeli army and who does these jumps around 8–10 times a day. We jumped in tandem and the moment I remembered that he literally had my back, I felt the biggest relief and was able to enjoy the rest of this remarkable experience.

The difference between a miserable, painful, anxious experience and the experience of my life, was remembering there was someone who had my back and who knew what he was doing. Six thousand feet and forty five seconds into the jump, he pulled the cord, the chute released, we sat up in the harness and for the next 10 minutes had the most extraordinary ride over Israel, checking out our magnificent homeland from the sky and giving Israel a huge virtual hug.

We need to take initiative, put forth our best efforts, and do everything we can to bring positive outcomes in our lives. However, believing that we can control and manipulate every outcome and result places impossible stress and pressure that preclude our ability to experience happiness. There is nothing more liberating, cathartic and joyful than doing our best, and then letting go of our need to control and allowing God do the rest.

No matter how hard we try and what kind of effort we produce, our lives are going to inevitably and invariably throw curveballs our way. The difference between panicking anxiously or enjoying the ride is our ability to let go. Perhaps this is what the pasuk means when it tells us, “Ivdu es Hashem b’simcha, serve Hashem with joy.” The greatest service of Hashem is feeling the simcha that can only come by recognizing that He has our back so we can enjoy the ride.

Stop pursuing happiness and start experiencing it.

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