Are You an Earth Angel?

Prior to 1974, the standard practice for dealing with someone who was choking was to whack the afflicted person on the back. Dr. Henry Heimlich argued hitting them that way can force the obstruction further into the gullet, rather than dislodge it. He worked on various theories attempting a better way before ultimately coming up with the technique of putting one’s arms around the person choking and exerting upward abdominal thrusts, just above the navel and below the ribs, with the linked hands in a fist, until the obstruction is dislodged.

Heimlich published preliminary findings from his experiments with anti-choking techniques in a US medical journal. Newspapers around the US quickly began picking up on examples where readers, including restaurant owners, had caught word of Heimlich’s article and had tried the maneuver on choking casualties, with successful results.

Word spread, and that summer the Journal of the American Medical Association published an editorial in which, with the surgeon’s permission, the technique was officially referred to for the first time as the “Heimlich Maneuver.” The technique became widely adopted nationally and internationally and today it appears on posters in most restaurants and is taught in many schools.

Despite introducing the technique, Heimlich had never actually used it the 42 years of its existence. In 2016, Dr. Heimlich was in the dining room of his retirement home in Cincinnati. A fellow resident at the next table began to choke. Without hesitation, Heimlich spun her around in her chair so he could get behind her and administered several upward thrusts with a fist below the chest until the piece of meat she was choking on popped out of her throat and she could breathe again.

At 96 years old, Dr. Henry Heimlich had finally executed the Heimlich maneuver to save a life. A short time later, the 87-year-old woman for whom Dr. Heimlich was an angel here on earth, wrote him a note saying she was so thankful that “God put me in this seat next to you.”

Our Parsha begins with the description of Yaakov’s dream that included angels ascending and descending a ladder to heaven. Many commentaries wonder why the passuk describes them as “going up and coming down”; shouldn’t angels descend from heaven and then ascend back up to it? I would ask a more fundamental question: why do angels need a ladder at all, can’t they float or be beamed down to earth and back up to heaven?

The answer can be found by looking at other appearances of angels in Sefer Bereishis. When Yaakov is poised to reunite with his brother Esav, he first sends “malachim” to Esav. Rashi there interprets “malachim” as “מלאכים ממש,” real heavenly angels. The Ibn Ezra disagrees. He says Yaakov sent human messengers who came through for Yaakov and did just what he needed at that moment.

Later still, when Yaakov sends Yosef out to look for his brothers, the Torah cryptically tells us someone appeared to Yosef and asked, “who are you looking for, maybe I can help direct you.” Rashi says that person was none other than the heavenly angel Gavriel. Again the Ibn Ezra disagrees and says, no, it was a human being who at that moment stepped up for Yosef and asked how he could help.

Based on the Ibn Ezra’s consistent explanation, perhaps we can suggest that the angels in Yaakov’s dream were not in fact heavenly angels but men. Until that dream, Yaakov was an איש תם יושב אוהלים, a pure person who sat in the tent and studied Torah. Now, he was bringing all of that learning, knowledge, wisdom, and insight into the world. Perhaps through this dream and vision, Hashem was communicating that spirituality and angels are not made in heaven, but rather angels are made here on earth. Maybe that is why they are described as going up and coming down.

Yaakov’s mission—and ours—is to be the angel for others. When we come through for others, when we ask how we can help, when we make the difference for them, we bring a piece of heaven down here to earth. Through our actions we build an actual stairway to heaven.

Yaakov awakens from his dream and becomes dedicated to being an angel. When he goes to the well, he sees lazy employees and he immediately says, אחי, my brothers who I care about, the day isn’t over, we have to keep working. He sees a young lady who can’t access the well because of a huge boulder covering it and he spreads his angelic wings and lifts it for her. He is Rachel’s angel. He ascends to heaven.

When Lavan replaces Rachel with Leah on Yaakov’s wedding night, Leah must have panicked. It will be humiliating when Yaakov is expecting his beloved and finds Leah instead. What did Rachel do? She had every right to expose the situation. Instead, to save her sister the embarrassment, she became her angel and gave her the simanim, the secret code that she and Yaakov had formulated.

We must not passively wait for angels to descend from heaven, to relieve pain, offer support, provide help, and bring salvation. We must be those angels, proactively stepping up and stepping in to make a difference in the lives of others.

For nearly years, $100 bills with an identifying mark were randomly found all over Salem, Oregon, in markets, at stores, fairs and even on the street. They helped people pay their electric bill, make their rent, buy their prescription medication, and even provide them shelter for a couple of nights. At last count, the mystery philanthropist has anonymously given out of over $50,000 worth of $100 bills and has become the angel for so many.

In July of 2017, Rosie Gagnon laced up her sneakers for her daily run around the hills of Virginia’s Shenandoah County. When Rosie hit mile six of eight, the water she’d packed along was gone and her face was bright red. As she passed by one particular home, a man pulling down the driveway stopped and poked his head out the window. He offered her a bottle of water and it was exactly what she needed. He then asked her if she was the one he sees running past his house every day. She answered yes. The next day on her run at mile six out of eight again, there was a cold bottle waiting for her on a green telephone box at the edge of the road. And then again the next day, and the day after that. Six months after leaving water each day she runs, Rosie was interviewed. She explained that she packs along her own water, of course, but it never lasts as long as she needs. But there, with a huge hill looming in her final stretch, she always knows there’s help ahead.

There are countless stories of humans ascending and descending the stairway to heaven to be someone else’s angel. Twenty-two years after inventing his technique, at 96 years old, Dr. Henry Heimlich became that choking woman’s angel. When Rosie Gagnon had to face the daily run up a steep hill, Bruce Riffey was her angel who put out water that gave her the encouragement to make the climb.

There are people all around us who are choking on life, facing steep uphill climbs, or stuck on the proverbial side of the road. They are struggling emotionally, financially, with loneliness or in despair. Say hello, give the benefit of the doubt, offer a kind word or a kind gesture. You might be somebody’s only angel of the day, their gift straight from heaven.

Thomas Edison’s Mother

The story is told that one day, as a small child, Thomas Edison came home from school and gave a paper to his mother. He said, “Mom, my teacher gave this paper to me and told me only you are to read it. What does it say?” Her eyes welled with tears as she read the letter out loud to her child: “Your son is a genius. This school is too small for him and doesn’t have good enough teachers to train him. Please teach him yourself.”

Many years after Edison’s mother had died, he became one of the greatest inventors of the century. One day he was going through a closet and he found the folded letter from his old teacher. He opened it and found that the true message written on the letter: “Your son is mentally deficient. We cannot let him attend our school anymore. He is expelled.” Edison became emotional reading it and then wrote in his diary: “Thomas A. Edison was a mentally deficient child whose mother turned him into the genius of the Century.”

While the details of this story are likely not accurate, it is indeed documented that Edison was called “addled” by his teacher who determined that he should no longer remain in school. His mother became his most enthusiastic champion and only because of her encouragement, belief and constant kind words did Thomas Edison become the great inventor we benefitted from.

I recently wrote about the Olympian Penny Oleksiak, whose teacher told her to give up swimming and focus on school. Penny ignored that voice of negativity to become a decorated Olympian and I encouraged us to silence the voice of doubt in our own heads. The article resonated for many who identified with debilitating feelings and thoughts of self-doubt, but it also struck a chord with some who shared their own stories with me of having to overcome hurtful and insensitive comments of influential people in their lives who doubted them. I share one of them with permission:

Rabbi:

I read with great interest your “MESSAGE TO THE DOUBTERS.” Because I kept flunking algebra and geometry (6 times overall, even though I got the correct answers 80% of the time but did not do the required progressions) and was refused an academic diploma in high school and given a general diploma which I threw back at them, refusing the document and was thus advised by the school’s college advisor “not to waste my time applying for college, but instead join the Navy and maybe they will make something out of you.” I was so angry I slammed the door on my way out so hard that the glass insert in his door broke and I said “Never mind you Mr. Caster – I will get into college without your help and make something of myself”.

Shlomo HaMelech tells us (Mishlei 18:21) מָ֣וֶת וְ֭חַיִּים בְּיַד־לָשׁ֑וֹן, Death and Life are in the hands of the tongue. We are given an extraordinary gift by God, the capacity to communicate and the ability to express our ideas, thoughts, and feelings. Says Shlomo HaMelech, the power of speech is not just a gift, it is an awesome responsibility. Words can be weapons that diminish and destroy, or they can be tools and instruments that create, encourage and uplift.

Teachers, parents and really all of us have to remember that using hurtful language can create injury and pain that last longer and do more damage than a physical punch or blow. But the opposite is also true. Complimenting, encouraging, expressing faith and belief in someone can give them the self-confidence they need to breakthrough and succeed.

The Gemara (Berachos 6a) states: אגרא דבי הילולא מילי – the reward that comes from attending a wedding is for the words one says to the chassan and kallah that bring them joy. Bringing a gift is courteous and correct, but giving words of encouragement, complimenting the bride and groom to one another, offering praise is even more valuable.

In his Reflections of the Maggid, Rabbi Paysach Krohn shares how teachers can build up students when they use their words to lift:

In the fall of 1999, the Jewish Image Magazine of Chicago asked eminent Jewish personalities to recall a memorable incident or comment from one of their rebbeim that left a lasting impression.

Rabbi Yisroel Reisman recalled that Rabbi Pam would often say, “There are teachers who teach subjects and teachers who teach students. While those who teach subjects may indeed impart a great deal of information, those who teach students make a great impact on their lives.” Rabbi Dr. Aaron Twerski recalled a comment his rebbi, Rabbi Nachum Sacks, made when he taught the ninth grade in Skokie’s Bais Medrash L’Torah. When a talmid asked a question, Rabbi Sacks would say enthusiastically, “You’re 100 percent right, but I’ll show you where you’re wrong!” (Dr. Twerski said that he uses this line today in his law classes.) It acknowledged the student’s logic and insight, yet allowed the rebbi to show him where he had gone wrong.

However, it was the incident that Rabbi Nosson Scherman recalled that left me spellbound. I used the incident in a lecture to principals and teachers at a Torah Umesorah convention, for it is a glowing example of the Talmudic credo, Let the honor of your student be as dear to you as your own (Avos 4:15, see also Rashi, Shemos 17:-9). An extraordinarily sensitive mechanech, Rabbi Hirsch Kaplan, taught the sixth grade of Yeshiva Torah Vodaath in the Williamsburg section of Brooklyn. If children misbehaved in class he would often put their names on the blackboard as an incentive for the boys to improve their behavior. When a boy behaved better, his name was erased.

One day Rabbi Kaplan had a few names on the “Bad List” when the beloved principal of the school, Rabbi Dr. David Stern, walked into the room unexpectedly. As Dr. Stern spoke to the class, Rabbi Kaplan slowly backed up until he was flush against the blackboard. As the principal spoke, Rabbi Kaplan shuffled his back from right to left against the chalk-written names on the board. When the principal finished his talk and turned to leave the room, Rabbi Kaplan escorted him to the door. It was only then that all the students clearly saw the back of Rabbi Kaplan’s black kapota (long jacket), which was completely white from the chalk of the “bad names” he had erased, so that Dr. Stern would not see them. That act displayed selfless love, as it preserved the dignity of 10 and 11-year-old children. It remains to this day one of the most inspiring sights that Rabbi Nosson Scherman has ever seen.

Of course, one does not have to be a teacher to make an impact like this. All of us interact with all kinds of people every day. Do we talk to them in a way that makes them feel encouraged, that boosts their confidence, that improves their day? Or do we cut people down, make them feel small or insignificant, and fill them with self-doubt.

Our Parsha reminds us of the power of our voice: “Hakol Kol Yaakov” the voice is the voice of Yaakov – let’s remember to use our own Kol Yaakov – to uplift, to nurture, and to inspire.

A Conversation with the Lord

Interview with Rabbi Lord Jonathan Sacks z”l

January 18, 2018

Several years ago, our community was privileged to host Rabbi Lord Jonathan Sacks, zt”l. Before he addressed the over 1,000 people in attendance at BRS, I spontaneously asked him if I could record a short interview. He graciously agreed, despite the last-minute request and the fact that he was about to give a major public talk. That recording sat dormant in my phone until I was moved to share it after we tragically lost Rabbi Sacks last year. This week, to commemorate Rabbi Lord Sacks’s first yahrtzeit, here is a condensed and edited transcript of that conversation.

You are a beacon of faith – you promote faith, you teach faith, and you inspire faith, not only among the Jewish community and Jewish people but around the world. Do you ever struggle with faith? Do you ever feel that you confront doubt? And in those moments of uncertainty, what do you do to overcome it?

Let me be very blunt with you. I have had many crises of faith. But I have never had a crisis of faith in Hakadosh Baruch Hu. I have had many crises of faith in man. One crisis began as soon as I began to understand the Holocaust and to understand that this took place in the heart of civilized Europe, not some third world country in some medieval century.

The biggest question of faith I had was: knowing all this was going to happen, how come Hakadosh Baruch Hu had faith in us? But I never lacked faith in God because I never expected the impossible from Him. I know perfectly well that He placed each of us here for a purpose and we are supposed to discern that and to walk ahead.

For me, the critical moment that defined my faith was achieved when I learned Parshas Chayei Sarah. It begins with the death of Sarah. There is Avraham, having lost his life companion at the age of 137. At that point, he has received from Hashem three promises: Number one – I will give you the land. He promised that to him seven times. Number two – I will give you children – He promised that to Avraham four times. I will make you a great nation, they will be as many as the stars in the sky, as the sand on the seashore. And finally, I will make you not one nation but many nations.

But he has only one son.

Where was the father of many nations? Where was the infinite number of descendants? What did Avraham do at that moment when he should have had a crisis of faith?

He understood that God said “Walk on ahead of me” – התהלך לפני והיה תמים. So, he bought the first plot of land. He then made sure his son got married so he would have Jewish grandchildren. Later, in a strange episode, he takes an additional wife named Keturah and has six more children, who become the fathers of many nations.

In other words, instead of expecting G-d to do it for him, Avrohom realized that God was expecting him to do the hard work for Him. Once I understood that I never ever had a crisis of faith.

What do you do when you run into a rough patch when you’re having trouble connecting with davening, when you feel distant, when it’s not flowing, and you don’t feel as much the presence of the Almighty?

There are several things one can do: Number one I try to listen as I’m davening and be surprised by one phrase or one sentence, and that will be my meditation for the day. I’ll daven on that. It may stay with me for a week.

For example, we say every day in Pesukei D’zimrah: מונה מספר לכוכבים לכולם שמות יקרא, God creates the cosmos and knows the name of every star. That’s God the Creator. Then it says בונה ירושלים ה׳ נדחי ישראל יכנס – God builds Jerusalem and ingathers the exiles. That’s God as the shaper of history. But in between those two verses is a middle verse: הרופא לשבורי לב ומחבש לעצבותם – Who heals the broken heart, administers to their wounds. There is Dovid Hamelech telling us that sometimes healing one person’s broken heart is as important as creating a universe or shaping history. You can live off that one sentence for a year.

Never try to find kavana for the whole of prayer. It doesn’t work, for heaven’s sake. One little thing at a time. The second point is that prayer has to be sung. I’ve said many times that when language seeks to break free of the gravitational pull of earth, it modulates from speech to song. I’ve spent a lot of time in my chief rabbinate encouraging chazzanim to write new liturgical music, to use songs to make the service more participative, and to encourage shul choirs. I’m not an expert in music but I made that a key element. We used a lot of musical creativity I think that music frees the spirit and if you are ever short of kavanah, you need to have the nigun, the song, to daven with.

Thirdly, something might just catch you if you create the silence in your soul to listen. When I’m at a critical point in my life, which is pretty much every day, I just listen: Hashem, what are You telling me? Somehow prayer orients you. I call prayer “Jewish cognitive behavioral therapy.” It changes the way you look at the world; it changes the way you feel about the world.

We are always promoting more Talmud Torah and chessed opportunities. We are involved in activism on behalf of Israel and Israel relationships. Some are involved in social action and social justice. What do you think that the Orthodox community can be spending more productive time promoting that is being overlooked? Are there initiatives and emphases that the Orthodox community should be focusing on that we are neglecting?

I think there are two that are being neglected. The first is, all that goes with the affective dimension of Judaism, the emotional life. There’s some nice Jewish music here, but some of the most popular music is actually non-Jewish pop music set to Jewish words or acapella, which is great. I love it. The Maccabeats – I’m their biggest fan. But I like to see music coming from the Jewish soul. I think we haven’t done enough with the affective dimension, and music is probably the most important.

We write everyone else’s music. Irving Berlin wrote “I’m Dreaming of a White Christmas,”, Mahler’s eighth symphony, Catholic mass. Where do we write our music? I think we are missing the aesthetics of it and music is the most obvious example. Cinema, too, isn’t used enough in this regard. There’s just been a film called Menashe, a very moving film about Charedim in New York. I think we haven’t done enough with that to tell people what the life of faith does for you. I have so many stories that I think ought to be made into film. Stories of ordinary people I know who have done extraordinary things.

Second, I absolutely think the Modern Orthodox community is missing out badly on kiruv. The difference between material possessions and spiritual possessions is that the more you share material possessions the less you have. But when it comes to a spiritual possession, the more you share the more you have. That is why Chabad can send out people all over the world where there is no Yiddishkeit whatsoever, and you or I would lose our Yiddishkeit overnight because there’s no support system. Yet, they are able to keep it, because they share it.

The Modern Orthodox community should be going out on campuses. Do you know how many Jews we lose on campus? 90% minimum! Yet we’re not going out there. Every campus should host a nice modern Orthodox minyan, davening three times a day, Daf Yomi, and everything lemehadrin. But they aren’t taking it out to people who don’t have it. When you don’t give, something in your spirit dies.

A personal question: When we look at your life and productivity, whether the trajectory of ascending to the chief rabbinate, publishing 30 books, 17 honorary degrees, being named a Lord, etc., it just seems that you have had success after success, triumph after triumph. Have you ever experienced failure? Have you ever had any challenges that you couldn’t overcome and what gave you the tenacity to persevere?

Ha! Have I ever experienced failure?! My goodness me! Oooh! [Laughter.]

I nearly failed my first year in university. I nearly failed my second year in university. I was turned down for virtually every job that I applied for. Since I was a kid, I wanted to write a book. I started when I was 20 and I gave it every minute of spare time that I had. Even when Elaine and I went to a concert I would be writing notes during intervals or between movements during a symphony. Yet, I failed for 20 years! From 20 to 40 I had a whole huge file cabinet of books I started and never finished.

What changed is I happened to be reading the preface to “Plays Unpleasant” by George Bernard Shaw. It opens by saying that if you’re going to write a book, write it by the time you’re 40 or forget it. I thought it was Min Hashamayim. Someone is telling me something because I had no idea why I happened to read that passage by that writer at that time. I thought to myself that it was my last chance. So, I wrote my first book at 40 and then I wrote a book a year ever since.

Winston Churchill put it beautifully – success is going from failure to failure without loss of enthusiasm. The secret was marrying someone who believes in you and then to just keep going. Never stop! All of the things that came much later, most of them unexpected – very moving but not the עיקר – it’s just “keeping on going” day after day.

That wonderful Medrash in hakdamah of Ein Yaakov asks what is the main pasuk in the Torah? One [Tanna] said that it’s loving your fellow man, ואהבת לרעך כמוך. A second said שמע ישראל, it’s about accepting the yoke of Heaven. Then, Ben Pazzi says את הכבש אחד תעשה בבקר… bringing the daily sacrifice in the morning and in the evening. It’s about Shacharis, Mincha, Ma’ariv. That’s life! You keep hammering away and eventually you’ll get there.

The only thing that is absolutely necessary is that you have to key into your mental satellite navigation system, your destination. Because if you don’t know where you’re trying to get to, you’ll never get there. I knew I wanted to write a book. It took 20 years of failure until I finally succeeded in the twenty-first year.

Are there specific moments that you felt Hashem’s guiding Hand in your life, that things could have gone in different directions, and those moments specifically stand out that it guided you to where you are now?

I feel that way most of the time! I nearly drowned on my honeymoon. I couldn’t swim and I had just gone under for the fifth time. We were in Italy and there was no one near me. I remember thinking just before I was about to die – what a way to begin a honeymoon. And, what’s the Italian word for help?

Every day מודה אני – שהחזרת בי נשמתי. I’ve twice suffered life threatening medical conditions, two forms of cancer. Both times I met the people that I needed to meet at the right time. My father a”h, who never had an education, left school when he was 15. But he had an emunah peshutah – a simple faith. He just believed that Hashem would take him where he needed to be. I think I learned that from him. You put your trust in Hakadosh Baruch Hu; He knows better than you. I feel that every single day – without exaggeration. It’s a mental exercise. I will constantly say to myself or to Elaine – why did that happen?

I’ll give you the weirdest example: In 2010 I received from Princeton Theological Seminary an award called the Abraham Kuyper Prize, awarded to somebody who has made a significant contribution to Dutch Neo-Calvinist theology. I don’t know how many Rabbeim have such a thing. I was thinking then – what does Hashem want me to have this for? Two years later the Dutch parliament banned shechita. The Dutch community is quite small, and they asked me to address the Twin Houses of Dutch Parliament. Abraham Kuyper, whose award I won, was Prime Minister of Holland a century ago. He was also Minister of Religion. So, I began my speech by saying that you might be asking what a member of the British Parliament is doing addressing the Dutch Parliament? But I may be the only rabbi that has the prize for his contribution to Dutch Neo-Calvinist theology. It gave me a kind of visiting card and I said, ‘Thank you, Hashem – now I understand why that happened’.

But it’s a constant discipline.

It takes the simple question – what can I do, or what am I being called on to do, given that this has happened? We are sitting here now in your wonderful community of Boca Raton. And I’m asking myself – why did I davka have to come to Boca Raton?

I found out the answer only about twenty minutes ago, shortly before we began this conversation when I was given a lift in a car by someone who was telling me all the wonderful ways in which you’re bringing the community together. I suddenly realized that I had to be in Boca Raton because Boca Raton is showing the rest of the Jewish world how it’s done. This is not mindfulness. This is l’havdil Yosef Hatzaddik saying – why have I been sold as a slave? Why am I here in prison? Eventually he is able to say to his brothers לא אתם שלחתם אותי כי אם אלקים – I worked it out. It wasn’t you who was doing this to me. It was part of Hashem’s plan. That’s a mental discipline.

A Message to the Doubters

With seven gold medals, including three at the recent Tokyo Olympics, swimmer Penny Oleksiak is Canada’s most decorated Olympian. But not everyone always believed in her. Following her recent success, she tweeted, “I want to thank that teacher in high school who told me to stop swimming to focus on school (because) swimming wouldn’t get me anywhere. This is what dreams are made of.” She followed it up by sharing, “Also in reference to my last tweet – no shade at all towards teachers in general, my sister is a teacher and I see her inspiring kids every day. Most of my teachers saw the vision and pushed me towards it. That one who constantly dragged me down though, WOAT (Worst of All-Time).”

A friend of mine recently shared with me that in high school, he had an administrator who didn’t believe in him and regularly made that known. When he told the administrator that he was going to study hospitality, he asked, “Do you plan on being a bartender for the rest of your life?” Today, my friend doesn’t tend bar, he tends to the Jewish people and is a successful Jewish communal professional making a difference every day. I shudder to think of what he and we would be missing out on had he listened to this educator instead of those who encouraged him.

Many of us have a WOAT influence in our lives. If it’s not a teacher, a family member or a colleague, it is a voice of negativity and doubt in our own head. It tells us, “You are imperfect, you have shortcomings and deficiencies, you aren’t the smartest, you are not the best looking, the most creative, and will never be the most successful. You have made mistakes, underachieved, set goals that you failed to realize, and you will never amount to anything.”

That voice can weigh us down, hold us back, or cause us to give up on our dreams and aspirations. But here is the catch. That person or that voice only holds us back if we listen to it, give it attention or consideration. Like Penny Oleksiak or my hospitable friend, we can replace the WOAT with a GOAT (Greatest of all Time) person or inner voice to listen to instead, one who believes in us, propels, and pushes us and lifts us to aspire to become the best version of ourselves.

In our Parsha, just moments before Sedom is destroyed, the angel says to Lot, “Run for your life. Do not look behind you, nor stop anywhere in the Plain; flee to the hills, lest you be swept away.” Despite the warning of the angel, Lot’s wife couldn’t help herself. She looked and became a pillar of salt. In fact, the Jewish historian Josephus claimed to have seen the pillar of salt which was Lot’s wife.

Why were they warned not to look back? The classic answer is that Lot and his family weren’t righteous and in truth deserved to suffer the same punishment as Sedom. They weren’t worthy of witnessing the downfall and were therefore told not to look.

The Divrei Shmuel, Rav Shmuel Weinberg of Slonim, gives a different perspective. In telling Lot and his family, “Don’t look back,” the angel was teaching a fundamental lesson in life. When you have made mistakes, when you underachieved or came up short, don’t look back, always look forward. Don’t focus on your past and beat yourself up, doesn’t listen to voices of negativity and defeatism, look to the future and the opportunities it presents. Obviously, we need to understand what drove the mistakes we made and feel remorseful for them, but we cannot and must not ruminate on them.

Lot’s wife turned around. Whether she was nostalgic for her sinful past or simply felt guilty about it, either way she turned into salt. Salt was not a random vehicle for this punishment. Salt, by its very nature, preserves and keeps what it is spread on intact. It inhibits the ability to grow, to change, or to move forward. Lot’s wife literally got stuck in her past. She couldn’t move past it, couldn’t look forward, and didn’t let herself start again.

This is the classic methodology of our yetzer harah, the self-destructive voice we all confront. We tend to harp on our mess-ups and mistakes, and we tell ourselves we are incapable, unworthy. We therefore experience yeiush, we give up on becoming better at whatever we want to improve. Indeed, we spend a lot of time dwelling on the failures from our past. Research shows that at least 70% of the time we think about the past, we only relive the negative aspects of our lives.

But according to psychologists at Yale and the University of California, obsessing over a mistake not only won’t change the past but it will make it worse. Their study shows that living a mistake over and over impairs our problem-solving abilities. It leads to increased negative thoughts and depression. It even erodes our support network because no one wants to hear from the person who can’t let things go. Essentially, dwelling on past mistakes puts us in, and keeps us in, a bad state, which is of course the very thing we’re trying to get out of.

But moving on and silencing the WOAT in us sounds easier than done. Many who would never bully someone else still bully themselves with negative thoughts. We tend to beat ourselves up and harp on things we could have or should have done differently. But that thinking sabotages our very future and forfeits our present.

This is what we daven for every evening when we ask Hashem in Maariv, haseir Satan milfaneinu u’mei’achareinu, remove the Satan from before us and from after us. Why would we confront a Satan from behind us? It is critical to pray that we not only find the strength and will to overcome our urges and temptations when we confront them, but that if we do fail, we can put it behind us and move on, not harp or get stuck. Each night, as we reflect on the day that was, including bad choices or uncomfortable mistakes, we pray to have the strength and conviction to hear the GOAT in us, not the WOAT in us.

Be a Blessing For Those in Recovery

While we have been focused on fighting and managing a historic pandemic, another epidemic continues to rage. Substance abuse and addiction don’t discriminate based on religion, economic class, gender, or ethnicity. And, as we have come to learn all too well, the Torah community is not immune.

Experts will tell you that addiction is not about the substance or behavior, but rather what pain, discomfort or ache the users are trying to escape, what hole in their hearts they are trying to fill, or what aspect of their lives they desperately want to be numb to.

Earlier this year, I moderated a discussion that included two courageous young men in recovery. Each described how when they were young, they didn’t feel they were like everyone else, they weren’t comfortable in their own skin and didn’t feel like they belonged. They described living with a persistent sense of being an outsider.

One of the participants shared that he was at a friend’s house when the two of them discovered the friend’s father’s alcohol collection. He took his first drink and after several sips felt something he had never felt before: a sense of calm, an inner peace. Finally, the “noise” of the ever-present uneasiness was quiet. Who wouldn’t want to return to that reprieve, and so he kept being drawn back to what felt like a magic elixir, what he believed was the antidote. The problem, of course, was that it would inevitably wear off, and the pain, loneliness and sense of inadequacy and irrelevancy would return.

His story is not unusual. Addiction is almost never about substance or behavior. People’s perpetual discomfort and unease could be driven by social anxiety, religious competition or guilt, financial pressure, or mental health challenges. The common denominator is living with an inescapable disquiet, an ache that won’t let up and doesn’t go away. The substance or addictive behavior becomes the escape, the way out. It offers respite and refuge, a bit of relief and a break from the struggle.

But, alcohol, drugs, gambling, shopping, working, or acting out are not the solution. In fact, they only lead to more problems. Therapy, support, and love are critical ingredients to authentically fill in the hole in the heart, to quiet the noise, and to find a sense of belonging and purpose.

After losing their son Jonathan to the illness of addiction, the Wijnperele family generously dedicated a program called Adopt, a collaborative project of Boca Raton Synagogue and Onward Living. Over the last few months, we have paired up several families in our community with men from the Onward recovery center. They enjoy comfortable Shabbos meals, fun BBQ’s and simply getting together to schmooze. This component of recovery is critical. Many people in recovery weren’t privileged to see or experience healthy and functional family and communal dynamics. Being invited to and forging relationships with BRS families who have no motive or agenda other than to share a genuine and non-judgmental relationship, is not only refreshing but a critical example and experience.

More recently, we have expanded our Adopt partnership. Our BRS chesed coordinator, Simone Broide, has arranged for members of our community to regularly cook and deliver meals to men in Onward Living. Unlike the pairing component, in dropping off meals, anonymity is maintained. Those cooking and baking don’t know who is receiving their Shabbos gift package. And those who receive the loving delivery don’t know from whom it came.

Messages are attached such as, “Dear Onward Living Residents – We want you to know we are thinking of you and are proud of all that you have already accomplished. Please know that we applaud you for what you are doing and we support you! Have a wonderful Shabbos.”

The recipients have shared how much it means to them and the difference it makes in their recovery and in their life. One said, “It’s nice know that people actually care” and another commented, “The home baked goods means someone took the time to think of us and that is very special.”

For the people cooking, it is an extra challah, a cake or a babka, but for the recipient, it is a lifeline, a declaration that they aren’t invisible, that they matter, that there are people who care. The Shabbos food doesn’t just fill their stomachs, it helps plug a hole in their heart. A minimal expense and a modest effort go an enormous way.

Hashem charges Avraham this week, v’heyei beracha, which can’t be a promise that he will be blessed because Avraham was already told va’avarechecha, I will bless you. So what does it mean? Rav Shamshon Raphael Hirsch explains that there are two types of people – those that live life looking to receive blessings and those that lead their lives trying to be the blessing. To be progeny of Avraham is to take whatever blessing we have and to use it to become a blessing in other people’s lives. We don’t live with a sense of entitlement to be blessed, we instead live with a sense of obligation to be a blessing.

We are looking to expand our anonymous Shabbos box program to deliver to Jewish residents of others recovery centers in our area and hope we can count on your help. Contact simonebroide@yahoo.com to get involved. And you don’t have to live in Boca to be a blessing. Anyone reading this knows people who feel invisible, lonely, question if they matter or if anyone cares. What for us is a challah or flowers or sometimes even a phone call or heartfelt email for them is a life preserver.

Every day we recite the beracha of Magen Avraham, acknowledging that Hashem has preserved the character of Avraham within us. Don’t wait to receive your next blessing, go out and be that blessing for others. Nothing will make you feel more blessed.

100 Billion Messages a Day

Most of us have become accustomed to using WhatsApp to communicate and in some cases manage our family, social, and professional lives. Indeed, WhatsApp is used to send more than 100 billion messages a day (although most of those are just in the group my wife and I have with our children). To give you a sense of how dependent we are on WhatsApp for working for and with the BRS community, for example, Rabbi Moskowitz and I are currently in 206 groups together including our BRS staff group, groups for organizing shiva minyanim and chesed, sharing Torah, and much more.

A year and a half ago, a virus forced us to socially distance, quarantine, and lockdown physically. This past week, a bug in technology, at least temporarily, put a wedge between us and kept us apart from one another for several hours. Both were terribly unpleasant, uncomfortable, and even painful. But they also both presented opportunities to reflect, reset and recalibrate, the former on our connection with people and the latter on the role and dependance on technology in our lives.

While our generation is struggling to navigate the unprecedented proliferation technological breakthrough, we are not the first to confront what progress should mean, how it should impact how we spend time, and what our ultimate goals should be.

The central story of our Parsha is the “hard reset” that God performed on the world, undoing all that He had created and restarting the world anew. Hashem took such a drastic measure because, the Torah tells us, the world had become filled with corruption and moral depravity.

The Gemara (Sanhedrin 108a) makes a mysterious comment – “the generation of the flood became corrupt as a result of the great blessing that God had bestowed upon them.” Which blessings are the rabbis referring to and how did they corrupt humanity?

The great Rav Avraham Pam zt”l suggests that the key to understanding this Gemara and what happened to Noach’s generation can be found in his very name. The Torah tells us that Lemech named his son Noach saying, “This one will bring us rest from our work and from the toil of our hands from the ground which Hashem had cursed.” Rashi explains that until that time, the world had continued to suffer from the curse that God gave Adam, “b’zeias apecha tochal lechem, you will have to work with the sweat of your brow to draw bread from the ground.” Until Noach was born, man labored from morning to night and worked tirelessly with his bare hands just to have food to eat, leaving no recreational or down time.

Lemech saw prophetically that Noach was destined to invent the plow and other agricultural tools that would make man much more efficient and would ease his burden. Lemech therefore named him Noach from the root nuach, to rest, because his Noach would provide tremendous relief to an overworked population.

Rav Pam explains, the inventions of the plow and other tools were the great blessing that rabbis referenced. Yet, instead of becoming empowered, liberated, or enriched by these innovations, they became corrupt. These inventions, these gifts from God increased productivity, improved efficiency, and yielded more free time. This time could have been used constructively, productively, and meaningfully. Instead, the generation used their newfound downtime for corrupt activity. The breakthrough and advancement could have brought spiritual ascent, instead they brought moral decline.

We are blessed to live in the greatest era of technological breakthrough of all time. Simple tasks that used to eat up our time can now be accomplished in seconds, or through automation or even speech recognition, in no time at all. We long ago became accustomed to the washing machine, dishwasher, bread machine and microwave, but we now even take things like GPS navigation systems, or the ability to Facetime or WhatsApp video with multiple people in multiple destinations across the world, for granted.

Every single day, something is invented which is meant to make our lives more noach, easier. They are designed to free up precious time. The question is, do they? Do we fill that time meaningfully and mindfully or is that time squandered on mindless behavior? Perhaps it is no coincidence that Facebook, Instagram, and WhatsApp were first wiped out and then flooded with messages in the week we read Noach as a reminder that a generation is defined by what it does with the blessing of progress it experiences and the free time it discovers.

The Mishna in Pirkei Avos (3:1) quotes Akavya ben M’halalel who teaches that a person should always keep in mind, “Before Whom he will have to give Din V’cheshbon, judgment and reckoning.” What is the difference between din and cheshbon?

The Vilna Gaon explains that din refers to judgment for mistakes, indiscretions, and poor decisions we made. Cheshbon is not about what we did wrong with our time, but what we could have done right during that time. We will have to give din for mistakes we made but we will also be held accountable even for the cheshbon, the calculation of what we could have accomplished if we had only taken advantage of the time we claimed we don’t have.

Do we use the gift of greater time to binge watch, to pursue frivolous activities and to indulge in hedonistic experiences? Or, do we use the time we are gaining with each breakthrough for meaningful, productive, and constructive activities? Are our greater comfort and expanded time leading to moral decay and decline or moral development and progress?

Technology can either enslave or liberate, free up time or eat up our time, move us forward, or take us backwards. Moments like a worldwide outage can and should be opportunities to consider our own relationship with technology and time, and hopefully inspire us to bring us closer to a place of true, earned noach.

Stay on the Straight and Narrow, Don’t Cut Corners

The Torah begins with a description of creation. Of course, we learn of heaven and earth, sun, moon, stars and constellations, the animal kingdom, birds, fish, the earth, vegetation and of course the creation of a human being in the image of God. But, if we look closer, there are other creations, other unprecedented phenomena that are introduced in Bereishis.

For example, our parsha introduces us to the first incident of “sin,” of poor judgment in human history. When Chava eats from the eitz ha’daas, the tree of knowledge, and encourages her husband Adom to join her, they create for the world the concept of “sin,” the precedent of disobedience, rebelliousness and insurrection.

Soon after that concept is introduced, it gets repeated by Adom and Chava’s son Kayin, but this time with even greater consequences. Kayin and Hevel each offer their own sacrifice to God. Hashem accepts Hevel’s and rejects Kayin’s korban. Kayin gets jealous which leads him to murder his own brother.

An amazing conversation then ensues between Kayin and the Almighty. Va’yomer Hashem el Kayin ei Hevel achicha? God says – Kayin, any idea where your brother Hevel might be? Kayin gets wise with God and says “lo yadati, ha’shomer achi anochi, I have no idea, am I my brother’s keeper?” At this point, God gets angry. “Meh asisa, kol dmei achicah tzoakim eily min ha’adamah, what did you do, your brother’s blood is calling to me from the earth.”

What is going on in this conversation? Why was God toying with Kayin by asking rhetorically, do you know where Hevel is? And did Kayin really think he would be exonerated with the defense of “Am I my brother’s keeper”? And why doesn’t God just say, I know you killed Hevel and you will now be accountable? Why does He phrase it as “what did you do, your brother’s blood is screaming to me?”

The Kli Yakar, Rav Shlomo Efraim Lunshitz, who lived in the early part of the 17^th century in Prague, has a magnificent and novel interpretation. Adom was the first to be disobedient and to defy God. He was explicitly told to refrain from the tree of knowledge and he did so anyway. Kayin, however, was the very first to do a different type of sin. If you think about it, nobody, including Kayin, was ever told not to murder.

Indeed, the Kli Yakar says, that is exactly what Kayin told God in his defense. Of course Kayin understood what God was saying when He asked where is Hevel. Kayin wasn’t pretending that he didn’t know where Hevel was, he was pleading innocence on the basis of ignorance: I was never told that murder is wrong. “Lo yadati – I did not know that I wasn’t allowed to kill him. Ha’shomer achi anochi – when did you tell me that I have to protect my brother and that I am not allowed to end his life?”

God responds to Kayin, your brother’s blood is screaming for me. The Kli Yakar explains that God is telling Kayin there are some things you don’t need to be told. Yes, there are mitzvos that we would never know unless we were commanded. But there are aspects of life and of ethical conduct that should be obvious to us and that we don’t need to be explicitly instructed. Adom violated the first, Kayin introduced the latter.

My friend and colleague Rabbi Kenny Schiowitz suggests that this is what the Talmud means when it sometimes says – lamah li kra, sevara hu, why do I need a pasuk to learn a law when I can arrive at it through my own logic. A verse is superfluous and unnecessary if it can be intuited from nature.

The Gemara (Avoda Zara 25a) calls Bereishis “Sefer Ha’Yashar,” often translated as the book of the righteous. But the truth is yashar means straight, upright, honest and mentschlich. The Netziv in his introduction to Bereishis explains that it is the Avos who are called “Yashar” because they practiced kindness and compassion with the Almighty, with their family and with strangers.

But perhaps the lesson of Sefer HaYashar begins with the story of Kayin. Ignorance may be bliss, but it is no defense for morally corrupt, unethical and inexcusable behavior. From the mistake of Adom and Chava we learn not to defy God and His commands. From Kayin we learn that there are some things that are wrong even if we aren’t explicitly instructed against them. Finding a loophole, an out, or claiming technically this isn’t wrong, is not a legitimate way to live a Torah life.

The Torah tells us (Devarim 6:17) “V’asisa hayashar v’hatov b’einei Hashem, Do what is right and good in the eyes of Hashem.” What does this generic statement mean? How do I fulfill this command?

The Ramban explains:

This is a great concept, for it is impossible to mention in the Torah all of the modes of behavior for a person to follow with his neighbors and acquaintances, and all of the details of his business dealings and all the regulations for the betterment of society and of states. However, after mentioning many of them such as don’t gossip, don’t take revenge…it goes on to say here in a general manner that one should do what is good and right in every situation.

In other words, the Ramban is telling us that as limitless as the Torah is, it is impossible to imagine and legislate for every single scenario man is destined to confront. Therefore, in addition to the detailed laws, the Torah charges us to always ask ourselves a simple question: I may not know if there is a passuk about my situation, or a specific Halacha in Shulchan Aruch that tells me the direct answer, but is what I am about to do right and good? Would God want me to do it? Would I do it if I could see God standing next to me?

We spend a tremendous amount of time studying, analyzing, and focusing on the rules and laws. We have too often neglected to teach and model the essence of a Torah way of life, which is to engage every decision in our lives by asking, is this what God wants me to do? Am I bringing Him nachas, joy and pride? Am I advancing His vision for society? Does this pass the test of ha’yashar v’hatov, the right and the good?

The first lesson of the Torah is to be yashar, don’t be an operator. Be straight and honest and do what is right, even when it doesn’t say explicitly anywhere that this is wrong. The lack of a source in Shulchan Aruch identifying this as assur is not a good enough reason to say it is mutar. One must always ask themselves, what is the yashar thing to do and do it.

Breaking Barriers in our Lives

Last year, Eliud Kipchoge of Kenya ran a marathon in 1:59:40, breaking the two-hour barrier for the first time ever. To put it in perspective, he ran a mile in 4 minutes and 33 seconds — 26 times in a row. He ran at a pace of 13 miles per hour, for two hours in a row. When he finished, Mr. Kipchoge compared what he’d just accomplished to man walking on the moon. How did he do it?

וּלְקַחְתֶּ֨ם לָכֶ֜ם בַּיּ֣וֹם הָרִאשׁ֗וֹן פְּרִ֨י עֵ֤ץ הָדָר֙ כַּפֹּ֣ת תְּמָרִ֔ים וַעֲנַ֥ף עֵץ־עָבֹ֖ת וְעַרְבֵי־נָ֑חַל וּשְׂמַחְתֶּ֗ם לִפְנֵ֛י ה׳ אֱלֹקֵיכֶ֖ם שִׁבְעַ֥ת יָמִֽים׃

On the first day you shall take the product of hadar trees…

The Midrash wonders, what do you mean bayom harishon, take a lulav and esrog on the “first” day? It isn’t the first day of Tishrei, it is the 15^th? So what is the Torah alluding to by describing the mitzvah as beginning on the first?

The Midrash offers a cryptic answer – ראשון לחשבון עוונות, it is in fact the first day, the first day to be accountable for the mistakes and bad decisions. But how is that? Yom Kippur was over five days ago. There have been five days to go back to the way things were, to resume our poor behavior and bad habits. How is Sukkos the day our misbehavior “begins”?

The Shemen HaTov explains that from Yom Kippur until Sukkos, who has time to sin? We are so busy running to pick our lulav and esrog, to build and decorate our sukkah, to cook for Yom Tov. We remain on such a high from Neilah and we pour that energy and excitement into getting ready for the holiday.

But then Sukkos comes and somewhat paradoxically, when we finally encounter those mitzvos we were so excited for in anticipation, we lose steam, run out of energy, and hit a wall. Maybe we are excited for a brief moment entering the sukkah but then it is hot, uncomfortable, and inconvenient. There was such joy and fun in inspecting our arba minim but it wasn’t much fun having to carry them to shul and balance them with our siddur while walking in a circle for Hoshanos.

So Sukkos comes, the work is done, the high is over, and now we have an opportunity to sit with family and friends, we have long Yom Tov days. How will we spend them? Will we become the people we caught a glimpse of in Elul and over the Yamim Noraim, will we fulfill the pledges and promises we made ourselves about who we could become and the lives we could live? Will we be the best versions of ourselves and continue the growth spurt of coming more on time, talking less in shul, singing more, being better to others and to ourselves? Or, will we simply be relieved that the marathon of the High Holidays is over, pat ourselves on the back, take pride in getting through it and go back to exactly who we were, the habits, patterns and behavior, back to the unlived life, underachieving who we could become?

Rishon l’cheshbon avonos – Sukkos is the time we truly take an accounting about the year we are going to have. Was it all lip service, pipe dreams, and empty aspirations? Or are we implementing and executing on what we promised ourselves, promised those around us, and most of all, promised the One above?

The true test of a person is not if he or she is satisfied with what they have accomplished, but whether or not they continue to push forward, to set goals, to implement resolutions.

Here is the amazing thing about Eliud Kipchoge. He already held the record for the fastest marathon. Two years ago, he finished the Berlin Marathon at 2:01:39. So what made him push himself harder? Before the marathon in which he broke his own record, he said, “I don’t know where the limits are, but I would like to go there.” He wasn’t satisfied with what he had already done, he was focused on what was yet ahead.

You likely recall, just a few days ago, on Kol Nidrei night when we got up to Shema we all proclaimed Baruch sheim kevod malchuso l’olam va’ed out loud. Why? As we know, it is because we were on the level of angels. Yet, moments after Neilah, just after screaming Hashem hu ha’Elokim, we said Shema in Maariv and we went right back to whispering baruch sheim. I ask you – when are we more like angels, at Kol Nidrei when our bellies and bladders are full, when we roll into Shul at the very beginning of the Holiest day, or Motzei Yom Kippur when we have just spent 25 hours free of physical needs and pleasures, unencumbered by the trappings of this world, having spent most of the day in deep prayer and song? Shouldn’t we say Baruch sheim out loud just after Yom Kippur instead of at its very beginning?

Rav Avigdor Neventzal explains so beautifully that being an angel is not about celebrating what you have just done, what you finished. Rather, being angelic means making a pledge and promise for what we are about to do, starting out on a noble and holy journey. True, on Motzei Yom Kippur we have completed something extraordinary, but it is over, we have finished. Kol Nidrei night, we are just getting started, we are at the very beginning, but we are about to execute and implement a commitment, and that is when we are on the level to say baruch sheim out loud.

Sukkos is not a celebration of what we have accomplished, it is not the relief that the Yamim Noraim are over. The joy of Sukkos comes from what we are about to achieve. It is a focused opportunity to implement all that we had promised, to follow up on everything we committed to do. It is the beginning, not the end. It is prospective, not retrospective. When we sit in our sukkah and host others, when we have meaningful conversations, spend quality time, when we continue to implement the promises and resolutions we made just a few days ago, we feel the greatest simcha, the highest joy.

The happiness of Sukkos, the v’samachta b’chagecha is not from the relief of being finished, of having persevered or survived, but rather it is the satisfaction of pushing ourselves further, of knowing we aren’t done, of believing that our best—our best at being a spouse, our best parenting, our best learning, our best davening, our best volunteering, our best in our profession—it is yet to come.

One of the most amazing parts of the story of Eliud Kipchoge breaking the record was the description of what happened towards the end of the marathon. When it got particularly tough, when he had to push himself to beat his own record, he started to smile. The greatest simcha comes not from reflecting on what we have already done, but from the authentic satisfaction of pushing ourselves to fulfill what we have pledged to yet do.

On Hoshana Rabba we will resume the Yamim Noraim nusach, the chazzan will wear a kittel. While Neilah may have felt like the finish line, it was only the halfway mark. The verdict on our aspirations and efforts comes not from how we behaved when standing in shul all day davening, but from who we are and how we use our time over the week of Sukkos. Are the changes we made permanent or were they just a fleeting fad? The minimum measure of a sukkah is big enough to hold rosho v’rubo, your head and most of your body. The Sefas Emes explains homiletically, we have to get our rosho b’rubo in the Sukkah, we have to get our head into what we are doing, to be present, to fully experience this Yom Tov.

Like Kipchoge, we don’t know where our limits are, how much Torah can we learn, how must kindness can we show, how much better can we be. But like Kipchoge, let’s be driven to go there and find out. We may just find ourselves smiling during the toughest parts.

The True Legacy of 9/11

There are seminal moments in an individual’s life that they can never forget. Where were you when you heard the terrible news of the loss of a loved one? Where were you when you heard the incredible news about getting the job of your dreams?

And then, there are seminal moments in the life of a nation that become indelibly impressed in the minds and hearts of every member of that nation or people. Some will never forget where they were when Kennedy got shot, or man landed on the moon, or the challenger blew up.

Anyone alive at the time remembers exactly where they were and how they felt on September 11^th, 2001. I will never forget watching the events of that fateful morning unfold and being gripped by the thought that this very well could be the end of the world. First, we all heard that a plane had crashed into the world trade center. Nobody knew that it was a jumbo jet, intentionally guided like a missile by terrorists seeking to annihilate and destroy. Initial reports thought it could be a small private commuter plane that accidentally went off course. That wishful thinking was quickly negated when news of the second plane hitting the second tower came in.

As we learned about a third plane hitting the Pentagon and fourth brought down by passengers in Pennsylvania, the entire nation was drawn to their TV’s and the horrific images they portrayed. Millions of Americans were watching by the time the unimaginable unfolded before our very eyes. We watched the towers collapse and with them, the lives and dreams of countless individuals and their families.

Mark Rosenberg, of blessed memory, a guy I was friendly with growing up, was killed that day at 26 years old, leaving behind his young wife, Jennifer. In all, 2,977 people were murdered that morning 20 years ago, but the real casualty number, how many were injured, how many traumatized and scarred for life, how many spouses, children, parents and extended family members who have yet to put the pieces back together, that number will never be known.

It wasn’t the end of the world, but it was the end of the world as we knew it. Over the last 20 years, our lives have significantly changed between security in airports, the difficulty of getting passports and visas, and perhaps most of all, the sense of suspicion, doubt and fear instilled in the American psyche until this very day.

As much as September 11, 2001 is etched into my memory, September 12, 13, 14 are equally impressed upon my mind.

As much as September 11, 2001 is etched into my memory, September 12, 13, 14 are equally impressed upon my mind. Who can forget the pride we felt in being Americans? It seemed everyone was flying the American flag outside their home or on their car. “God Bless America,” and “Proud to be an American,” played at every gathering including the baseball playoffs held in Yankee Stadium just a short time later. NYPD and NYFD hats could be seen all over the country.

In the days and weeks following 9/11, civility and graciousness were at an all-time high, particularly in New York which some would consider no simple feat. Neighbors went out of their way for one another, Government agencies and their employees were deeply appreciated by those who needed their services, members of our military, policeman, fireman and first responders were revered. The sense of unity among the more than 250 million Americans was extraordinary.

Today’s Global Enemy

Fast forward 20 years to today. Once again, the American people face a crisis but this time it isn’t ours alone, it is shared by humanity across the globe. For the last nearly two years, the threat has not been from a visible enemy, but from a virus. Facing this universal danger should have brought us all closer together, it could have driven us to cooperate better, to feel more united, and to empathize with one another. Instead, for too many the virus itself became the weapon to judge, criticize, condemn and even to hate. Sadly, this pandemic has driven people, even families apart.

Today, instead of feeling a sense of unity and togetherness, there is polarization, divisiveness, and discord.

Today, instead of the pride in being an American that followed September 11th, there are feelings of pessimism, cynicism and some who explicitly express shame in America for varying reasons. Rather than feel a sense of unity and togetherness, there is polarization, divisiveness, and discord. We too often forget that whether Republicans and Democrats, liberal or conservative, to the right or to the left, from a blue state or red state, we are still all Americans. The utter lack of civility and basic respect in representing views on a myriad of issues and the manner in which we challenge those whose opinion oppose has grown toxic and destructive.

During these days we say U’vechein tein pachdecha, Hashem, let the entire world come together in fear and awe of You. Extraordinary events should bring us together not only in mourning or grieving but in prayer, faith and surrender to the King who truly runs this world. Our hope and aspiration is to live in a time when all the nations will unite into a worldwide collaboration, ““V’yei’asu chulam agudah achas la’asos retzoncha b’leivav shaleim,” let us form a cohesive alliance to do the will of their Creator.

As we pause to remember 9/11, to honor those who lost their lives and to express gratitude to those who risked their lives for the freedoms and blessings we enjoy, I believe it is as important to remember 9/12 and 9/13, to reawaken those positive feelings of unity and togetherness, to recommit to practice civility and to feel and express profound appreciation for this country and for those who serve it.[1]

The enduring image of 9/11 must not be people falling from buildings but of a nation lifting each other up. Our differences were important 20 years ago, but we found the will to put them aside understanding that to maintain the strength of our nation demanded we focus on what unites us, rather than what divides us. Unity, appreciation, faith and service are the true legacy of 9/11.

Our differences remain important today. But if we are going to defeat this pernicious enemy, one that has taken many more American lives than the horrific events of 9/11, we need to stay focused on what unites us and on what we have in common.

[1] We, the members of the Jewish people, should feel especially proud and grateful to be Americans. The kindness, freedom and opportunity this great land has given to our ancestors and to us, creates an eternal obligation of deep appreciation and profound gratitude to us and for generations to come. Our ancestors were expelled from England, France, Austria, Germany, Lithuania, Spain, Portugal, Bohemia, Moravia and 71 other countries throughout Jewish history and we are blessed and fortunate to live in this great democracy.

I’ve Had A Lot Of Worries In My Life, Most Of Which Never Happened

We all know the joke about the classic text message from a Jewish mother: “Start worrying. Details to follow.”

The truth is there is much to worry about these days:

Worried about the economy and inflation

Worried about hurricanes and the weather

Worried about covid and other health challenges

Worried about Israel and its enemies

Worried about the increase of Anti-Semitism

Worried about the divisiveness and polarization in this country

And of course, worried about Rosh Hashana and yamim noraim. Some are worried about coming before Hashem in judgment and others worried about their seat, who will they be near, will they have an aisle or a middle, and yet others worried about how long the rabbi will speak.

We have so many things to be worried, anxious and afraid of regularly and especially this time of year. You would have thought if we offered a prayer about worry and fear it would be to relieve us of our worries, to bring calm and peace, and yet we do the opposite.

Beginning Monday night, we will introduce an expression into our prayers –

ובכן תן פחדך, please Hashem instill fear within us. Rav Soloveitchik describes that one year, an eminent psychiatrist said to him, fear is a major cause of mental illness, we should work to be free of fear, worry and anxiety, not be praying for more of it.

He answered: Everyone is struggling with a fear. Some are afraid they won’t succeed in their careers, others about losing their wealth, other about status or prominence. Some are afraid of sickness, others are afraid of heights, public speaking or the weather. Said Rav Soloveitchik, I am not a psychiatrist, but I do know that one major source of fear can wipe out all of these lesser fears and that is yiras shomayim, fear of Hashem. We daven that we see, feel, are in awe of, and yes fear of Hashem and that our fear of Hashem overtakes and uproots all other fears that lurk everywhere and upset our lives.

There are essentially two types of anxiety and worry. We worry over things not in our control, because they aren’t in our control. We worry about illness, weather, traffic, delayed flights and more. Then there are things we worry about, specifically because they are in our control. For some, having free will is both liberating and terrifying at the same time. We worry about how well we will perform; will we execute, meet expectations, surpass them, or fall short of them. Can we endure and handle whatever comes our way? What if we fail?

We need to silence both voices of worry and it starts with believing we can. As I shared a few weeks ago, when those thoughts come and knock, firstly, we can decide if we let them in. And we can by choosing to replace these negative and anxious thoughts with confident and positive ones.

We are in the final days of the month of Elul, a month dedicated to getting us ready for the new year. We have heard many insights and divrei Torah based on the acronym Elul and the pesukim it stands for. But there is another significance of the word Elul. When read backwards it spellsלולא , which means “if not,” or “if it weren’t for.” The word לולא only appears one place in the Chumash.

When the brothers are trying to convince Yaakov to send Binyamin with them back down to Yosef so that he would release Shimon, they appeal to him by saying:

כִּ֖י לוּלֵ֣א הִתְמַהְמָ֑הְנוּ כִּֽי־עַתָּ֥ה שַׁ֖בְנוּ זֶ֥ה פַעֲמָֽיִם׃

“For we could have been there and back twice if we had not dawdled.”

Rashi explains, “we would have already come back with Shimon and you would not have had this anxiety all these days.” Lulei is associated with anxiety, with what if, what could have been, what will be.

There is another לולא, not in Chumash but in Tehillim, and we say it every day of Elul. לולא הֶ֭אֱמַנְתִּי לִרְא֥וֹת בְּֽטוּב־ְה׳ בְּאֶ֣רֶץ חַיִּֽים – Had I not believed in you Hashem and that I would enjoy your goodness…

We can quiet our worry by exchanging one לולא for the other. Instead of feeling lulei this and lulei that, if only this and what will be with that, we need to work on feelingלולא הֶ֭אֱמַנְתִּי לִרְא֥וֹת בְּֽטוּב־ְה׳, seeing, feeling Hashem in our lives, knowing all is orchestrated from above, there is an infinite, omnipotent one choreographing our lives.

But what about the worry when it comes to ourselves and how well we will perform?

The Torah tells us that when we start to panic and feel that getting done what needs to get done or being who we need to be is as far away as the heavens, on the other side of the ocean, we need to know כִּֽי־קָר֥וֹב אֵלֶ֛יךָ הַדָּבָ֖ר מְאֹ֑ד בְּפִ֥יךָ וּבִֽלְבָבְךָ֖ לַעֲשֹׂתֽוֹ, the thing is very close to you, in your mouth and in your heart, to do it. Hashem doesn’t ask for anything that is beyond us. Yes, we will come before Him Monday night, we will be asked to reflect and holds ourselves accountable. But the very fact that He is mocheil v’soleiach, forgiving and forbearing should itself be reassuring and encouraging.

The Slonimer Rebbe says that those who panic with anxiety over appearing on Rosh Hashana before the Heavenly court are picturing the court as occupied with harsh, cruel judges. But we need to know the judge is in fact our Father. He understands our struggles and He wants our success. The Tur says that unlike others who are anxious in judgment, wear black, don’t shave, can’t eat, we wear beautiful white clothing, eat and drink are festive because our judgment day is a yom tov, it is the day we come before our Father.

So, it turns out that there is literally nothing to worry about. Mark Twain once said ‘I’ve had a lot of worries in my life, most of which never happened.’ Studies show that over 85% of the things we worry about don’t ever happen. And as far as the 15% that do, worrying never made them go away, never made them better and never did anything other than compromise our own health and happiness.

Stop worrying by remembering that Elul is לולא האמנתי, all that happens is meant to be and we have what it takes to deal with whatever comes our way. So don’t ruin what is left of this year; remember, don’t worry – be happy.

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