Transcript
Good morning, Boker Tov. Welcome back to Living with Emunah. First of all, just a housekeeping note, we’re off next week. The summer may be a little bit erratic. If you want to follow the schedule, be sure to join the WhatsApp group, RabbiEfraimGoldberg.org/WhatsApp. You can join all the WhatsApp groups. We’re off next week, then we’re back on for a little while, then off a few weeks in August. So, just make that note. And as always, we begin with a gratitude. Thank you to our generous sponsors, our series sponsors, Dr. Zev and Bella Morgan, in memory of Rabbi Dr. Brian Galbut, in memory of Bella’s mother, Dr. Ellen Shanzer, and in honor of all of our holy, precious IDF soldiers. They should be safe while they are protecting Klal Yisrael, the Jewish people. The series is also sponsored anonymously in memory of the fallen soldiers and alumni, בני דוד מכינה ישיבה עלי. This week, our learning is a refuah sheleimah of staff sergeant David Kastner, who was seriously wounded in Gaza and struggling with recovery. His injuries deeply affected his family who remain by his side, and we daven for his healing. He was in Kathmandu preparing on October 7th to trek Mount Everest, and he returned that same day to fight and was injured, and we daven for a speedy recovery. Other soldiers, thank you, who are still in need of our tefillos as well: Ariel ben Etti, Matanel ben Silvia, Yair ben Liad, בניהו חברון בן רבקה, Tuvia ben Ziva, Eliyam ben Rivat-El, איתן דוד בן טובה, Elazar ben Orana, אביעד יחיאם בן נועה, Navah ben Dana, יהודה צבי בן רחל, Naphtali. This shiur is also sponsored by Michelle Diamond, as are the donuts. Shiur is a lot less fattening than the donuts, but they’re also good. And take one and make a bracha in memory of our beloved Chaim Diamond on his fifth yahrtzeit. And also, as spoke about this past Shabbos, the Diamonds courageously shared their journey and the Segulah fund that they opened in gratitude to Hashem that Chaim started. Helps defray the cost of fertility treatments for those who need. If anyone is in need of Segulah, don’t hesitate to let us know. You can speak to me or to Michelle. If anyone can help Segulah, we greatly appreciate it. This morning’s shiur also sponsored by Shmuel and Esther Shaiowitz, l’iluy nishmas his father, יעקב יהודה בן גדליה, in zechus of a refuah sheleimah for her mother, בתשבע בת שמחה רבקה. Anonymously, in the zechus of a refuah sheleimah for חנה מרים בת אסתר פייגא, a member of our community undergoing a very serious surgery right now as we’re learning. So please have her in mind and have her in mind in the Tehillim following shiur. חנה מרים בת אסתר פייגא, im yirtzeh Hashem, we’ll hear good news, Hashem will guide the hand of the surgeon to success. And anonymously, in honor of Rina’s 20th birthday, Rina, wherever you are, whoever you are, happy birthday. 20th birthday, very, very good. Okay, I mentioned no shiur next week, with that we begin with some emails and then we’ll dive back into our text, our learning together. Okay, I thought I was excited, Yocheved is in New York getting our son off to camp. I thought I could say whatever I want this week, but I see she sent some supervision and spies, woke up early. Hey girls, thanks for coming. It’s great to have you. Dear Rabbi Goldberg, this was an emunah email from last week. I felt bad, remember last week I had to pay two shiva calls, went to New York, so we moved the shiur from Wednesday to Thursday. I have an emunah story. I came to America from London to visit all my friends from seminary. I was in New York the first half, second half I came to Florida. I didn’t know, but apparently you can’t do anything without a car in Florida because things are quite far from each other. So when my friend asked me if we could rent one, I said on one condition, that we go to one of Rabbi Efraim Goldberg’s shiurim in person. This morning we had a plan to come to Living with Emunah and drove from Hollywood to Boca only to be told shiur was canceled and postponed till tomorrow. This was last week, I’m so sorry. I don’t know why that happened but it did. As much as I was annoyed, I know Hashem does absolutely every single thing with meaning and the only thing I could do was embrace my place. Just another reminder that everything that happens from Hashem and even during the annoying times it’s very important to remember that. If Rav Efraim does ever want to come give a shiur in person in London, I would not be opposed. Okay, I feel very bad, I’m so sorry, come back, visit again. Hopefully we’ll meet in Yerushalayim. But I love the attitude, things work out the way they do for a reason. You are where you’re meant to be, embrace your place. And even when there’s disappointment and frustration. I mentioned this is not emunah email but ke’ilu she wrote one. I’m writing it for her. But Yocheved took Shaya up to New York to get him off to camp. Baruch Hashem, they were supposed to fly on Monday night but there were weather issues in New York so that flight was canceled. So they were put on a flight early yesterday morning and they left at 6:00 a.m. only to get to the airport and there was a problem when the person changed their ticket to the morning, they did it incorrectly. So they couldn't get on that flight and they put them on the next flight. And they were able to ultimately get there. And I am so proud to tell you that my wife all along was just go with the flow, whatever happens, there's always a plan, we'll figure it out, no problem. not a big deal. And I think that we all see, hopefully we're living the peiros, we're living the outcome of living this life and this lifestyle of living with emuna, not just a shiur that we attend once a week, but a glasses with which we see the world, the muscles that we work out so we're ready to do the heavy lifting when life doesn't go our way. Small insignificant things, bigger things, and bigger disappointments, all being prepared and ready because we've been working out. Rabbi Goldberg spotted this on a green pasture, literally, in a purple lavender field in the Hamptons. You'll love this picture. This is a purple lavender this is a real picture somebody took in the Hamptons. Beautiful. What are these yellow flowers called? Daffodils? Are they daffodils? Anyway, here's a sign in the middle of the field and it says, \"You are exactly where you're supposed to be.\" So I don't know, someone in the Hamptons listens to Living with Emuna and I really enjoyed this. Okay, so thank you for that sighting. Okay, this is a crazy story. Dear Rabbi Goldberg, I want to share an incredible emuna story with you that my son and I experienced recently. I thought you might appreciate it. Feel free to read it out loud without our names, of course. I live in Israel and recently flew to New York for my son's graduation to spend Shavuos together with my other son and family. We were blessed with two weeks together and wanted to make the most of every minute. We decided to spend one Sunday at a Mets game. Parentheses, please forgive us, I know you're a Yankees fan. Could be unforgivable; Red Sox would be unforgivable, Mets is forgivable. After we bought the tickets, my son realized he had completely forgotten that a very close friend's wedding was that evening in Lakewood. He didn't want to disappoint his friend, but he also didn't want to give up a special day together. So he came up with a plan. He would wear his suit to the game, we'd arrive early, grab some kosher hot dogs, watch as much of the game as possible, he'd leave early to get back to his apartment near YU where he was supposed to catch a ride to the wedding in Lakewood. I was disappointed we had to cut our day short, but I also was touched that he was trying so hard to maximize our time together. When we arrived at Citi Field, we stopped at one of the three kosher food stands. On a whim, he asked the man behind the counter, \"By any chance, you know anyone going to Lakewood tonight?\" The answer was no. But the man suggested we try the other two kosher stands in the stadium, mentioning that one even hosted a Mincha minyan; might have people traveling to Lakewood. But just pause for one moment to realize the life and the world that we're living. Like when survivors came to America after walking away from the inferno in Eastern Europe, did they picture there would be three kosher stands at the Mets game with Mincha Maariv? Like with all the challenges and all the problems, let's not minimize: election results last night, home prices in Florida might be about to go up even higher, we've got real problems. But with our real problems, most stadiums across this country there's now a kosher... when I was a kid, back when I was a kid, we used to go to a Yankee game every year and my mother, I hope she's listening, she deserves a lot of credit for this, she would make hot dogs at home, put them in thermoses, bring buns, we had a whole routine. After the third inning, we had ice cream, first the ice cream, couple innings later, she put together from the thermos with the buns and the ketchup packets so that we could also experience what it is to have a hot dog at a ballgame. That's a Yiddishe mother. Anyway, she had her stack of magazines and newspapers to read while we ate hot dogs and enjoyed the game because she could care less what was happening on the field. Today, one stadium, three kosher food stands; can't find a ride to Lakewood at one, check out the other two. Back to our story. The answer was no, but the man kindly suggested we try the other two. We searched, no luck, we couldn't even find the third stand. So we went back to our seats, enjoyed part of the game. Later, we decided to make one last attempt. We again asked for directions to the third stand and headed off. At one point my son said, \"Don't worry, Hashem is with you, Hashem loves you,\" and to his brother, \"you're going to find a ride, I just know it.\" As we're walking before we even found the third stand, someone suddenly called out my son's name. It was two of his friends from YU. They happened to be in the unusual section because they had been selected to participate in one of the on-field contests between innings. After catching up for a moment, my son casually asked one of them if he was returning to YU after the game. He said, \"Nah, I'm driving home to Philadelphia.\" He said, \"Is Lakewood on the way?\" \"Yeah, it's about half an hour out of the way.\" \"Any chance you'd be willing to take me to Lakewood?\" He paused for a second. I jokingly offered him free hot dogs and even offered him money, but after thinking for just a moment, he smiled and he said, \"Sure,\" and he refused to take a dime. We were overjoyed. Instead of leaving early, he and I were able to stay for the entire game. But Hashem wasn't finished. After sitting back down, we watched as my son's friend participated in the contest on the field. He won. And the name of the contest flashed across the giant screen in front of us. The name of the contest: Designated Driver. Isn't that unbelievable? What a story. My son and I looked at each other and started screaming. It felt like such an unmistakable One of those moments where Hashem's hashgacha pratis was so tangible, personal. Baruch Hashem, my son made it safely to the wedding. We enjoyed the entire game, both walked away with an emunah lesson we'll never forget. By the way, the Mets won 10 to 1. That's one, I guess, the few wins they had this year. I've attached a photo of the jumbo screen showing his friend's name and the word designated driver. It's been a treasured reminder for us of Hashem's incredible kindness. Thank you for the chizuk, bringing our family blah blah blah yada yada yada. And here is the great picture of Citi Field, designated driver, and the name of the wonderful person who drove him. Great email now. That was a good one. This one, another amazing email. We got some good ones today, every day. A good erev Shabbos, mara d'asra shlita. These past few days have been painful for hundreds and hundreds of people with the tragic loss of Rabbi Jonathan Cohn, AKA Joco. I mentioned him last week, a friend, tragic, tragic young man, younger than I, battled and struggled with faith. I told you how in an interview he just said smile. The one thing, when asked what could we all do for you? What could we do in your zchus? What could we do in your merit? What could we do in your honor? What could we do for you? He didn't say finish shas and he didn't say solve world peace. He said smile. Just smile. We spoke last week about simcha and bringing joy into this world. Just smile, smile. Just smile. I saw, could be the same author of this email, showed me a d'var Torah recently that אשר ברא ששון ושמחה, chasan v'kallah. Asher bara, God created sason v'simcha, happiness and joy, chasan v'kallah. Giving you a little sheva brachos Torah. It's wedding season. So what does it mean? God created happiness and joy, He created chasan v'kallah. The chasan v'kallah need to remember in this bracha, the final bracha, אשר ברא ששון ושמחה. Hashem created, we create happiness, we choose happiness. Happiness is not an emotion, it's a creation. When we put our mind in the right place, when we think about the right things, when we count our blessings, when we see what's there, not what's missing, then we feel happy. Don't wait for happiness to be the feeling that overcomes you. Make the choice, the decision to be happy. Happiness is a decision, not an emotion. And the people who consider happiness an emotion sit around waiting to be happy. And the people who know that happiness is not an emotion, happiness is a decision, decide to be happy, and then the happiness follows. So Hashem, we make a bracha, אשר ברא ששון ושמחה. Hashem, You created, You so to say decided that there would be something called happiness. Chasan v'kallah, You also decided there's a chasan v'kallah. Chasan v'kallah, decide to be happy. Decide to be happy. We've spoken about this. I think one of the most important lessons they should teach in chasan v'kallah classes, they should teach to those who have been married for 50, 60, and we have people in our shul who have been married more than one couple more than 70 years. Whatever amount of years, decades you've been married, before you walk into that house, put a smile on your face. Doesn't matter what kind of day you've had. After the smile, by the way, you could unload, you could cry, you could lean on a shoulder, you could say the challenges that you have. But that first interaction, leave it all outside. Walk in with a smile. Bring an atmosphere of simcha and energy of joy and happiness. That's the, forget what you're putting in the fridge and the pantry to feed your children, what we're feeding our family is the energy in the home. And the energy in our home can be. So you'll say, but what do you mean? You saw the election last night in New York, and you see what's happening in the Middle East, and you see what's happening with this and what happened with that. And what is there to smile about? What is there to smile about? There are three kosher stands at every baseball park. What is there to smile about? What is there to smile about? There's always things to smile about. If you look, if your smile is the result of what's there, you'll always smile, there's always something there. If your smile, you're waiting to smile because of what's not there, then you'll never smile because there'll always be something that's not there. That's a choice, it's a decision. Asher bara, just like Hashem created it, we create our own happiness. The conversations, the focus, the acknowledgement, the attitude of gratitude, the counting of blessings, the hashgacha pratis WhatsApp, there's always something to smile about. אשר ברא ששון ושמחה. God created sason v'simcha, and what we're telling the chasan v'kallah is, one of your jobs, maybe your first job is asher bara, is create sason v'simcha. I wrote this article recently about just from my experience, having been a father in a few weddings and a rabbi at many, many, many, many weddings, ברוך השם כן ירבו, some observations and suggestions. Everyone loved the article, so far nobody's actually implemented it because I've been to many weddings since. One of the suggestions I made was, you ready for this? It's good that you're sitting down. This is crazy. It's a crazy radical suggestion I made. While you're walking to the chuppah and while you're under it, smile. Smile. Put a smile on your face. Rav Moshe, Rav Yaakov, gedolei Yisrael told their family members your job under the chuppah is to smile. Sometimes they mamash you don't know if they're going to a funeral or a wedding. You ever see the way they look? I'm not going to make any of my jokes right now about the comparison, funeral, the wedding, whatever. But smile. This is the happiest moment of your life, the first day of the rest of your life. It's a birthday, it's Yom Kippur, it's two halves becoming a whole. Smile, smile. Okay, the father, the father-in-law, they have to pay for the wedding. I see why they're not smiling. The mother, the mother-in-law, I know they also work, they also pay. I get it. The chasan and kallah? Okay, you're davening while you're walking down, smile when you get there. You're davening under, smile while you walk down. At some point, make the people there believe that you're happy. Give some like hint, some illusion, some confirmation that this is you're actually excited about this. This is a good thing. Smile, smile. Gedolei Yisrael told their children and grandchildren, Rabbi Arnie Buzomly, he heard from Rav Moshe's grandchildren that he told his grandchildren: \"Your job under the... Zayda, what kavana should I have? Gedolei Yisrael, what kavana? Kabbala, building worlds, two halves becoming... You know what your kavana your kavana, you know what you need to think? Smile. Smile. That's your job. אשר ברא ששון ושמחה חתן וכלה. Chasan and kallah know God created, He decided simcha, you can and should too. Smile before you walk into that house which you're a chasan and kallah all over again. Every time you walk into a house you're the chasan and kallah. The Rambam writes there's no Hebrew word for wife. The Hebrew word for wife is isha, which also happens to mean woman. So there's no Hebrew word for wife. The Hebrew word for wife is woman. Why? Not because she's just woman. The Rambam says because you've never won her over that now she's your wife. She's always the woman you're courting and you're trying to win. So the same way in dating you were careful, your hygiene, your appearance, your cleanliness, your behavior, your courtesy, your opening a door, everything everything about the way you behaved while you were trying to win her is the way that you behave for life, because you've never landed her. You're always trying to win her. 40, 50, 60, married 70 years, you're still trying to win her over to see if she'll stay with you after 70 after 70 years. So she's isha, she's the woman you're trying to win over, she never becomes the wife that you take for granted. So every time you walk in the home, you're still trying to win. Both are wanting to try to win each other over. Don't look amazing for the rest of the world and for each other look like not amazing. Don't be on your best behavior and nice and kind and charming to the whole world and then for each other not. Bring our best where it matters most, which is within the home. You didn't know you came for a marriage class. I didn't know either, I was coming to the sedra. Anyway, all back to the opening sentence. A gut erev Shabbos, Mara D'asra Shlita. So, Rabbi Jonathan Cohen, olov hashalom, just passed away. The wound is so still fresh, Joco, such a special special, I'm not calling him a young man, I'm calling him a young man because he was younger than I, but what a tragic tragic loss. So he said when asked, he said: \"Smile. What could you do for me? Smile. עבדו את השם בשמחה. Smile. Be happy. Be grateful. Choose, make a decision, just like Hashem created happiness, create it.\" Back to the email. People were impacted, transformed, and changed forever with even excuse me one conversation with him. Whether it be in HAFTR middle school, Camp Lavi for so many summers, Shalvim for so many years, Camp Mesorah most recently in YU Israel program with all the yeshivas and NCSY, I'm sure I'm missing others. Hundreds and hundreds of young adults were guided, inspired, and loved. The author of the email writes: \"I went to Shalvim in whatever years. He took me under his wing. Meals, Shabbos meals, endless hock. You thought you were his best friend because he made you feel that way. He really cares about every detail. Every January I tried to make it back to the Holy Land. One year before he got sick, he came to Jerusalem from Beit Shemesh just to meet me in Mea Shearim. These last two January trips were a different visit. One visiting him in his house learning, talking, and connecting. This last one visiting him in Hadassah Ein Kerem. He continued to have so much love, curiosity, and enthusiasm to what I was up to in my life. You can't fake realness and authenticity, and that was him. True love, kindness, and care for every single person. And now here is the crazy story. Going back, this goes back 15 years. I went to Eretz Yisrael for my yearly January trip. I was at a tough spot for dating. I wanted to start dating, my parents didn't want me to. I decided to go to Israel for clarity and met with Rav Cohen, olov hashalom, on one of my last nights.\" He said, you will know on the plane. I was like, huh? You will know on the plane. Then he gave me a bracha and a hug. Now to be clear, Joe Korb or Jonathan Kohn was an incredibly special man. He was not a mekubal. He was not a Kabbalist. And he said, you will know on the plane. Gave him a hug and a bracha and said goodbye. I headed to the airport, we boarded the plane smoothly. Side note, the Jets, big fan unfortunately, were playing on Motzei Shabbos. In Israel, perfect. I heard at the half they were winning and was pretty happy to say the least. Meanwhile, I had an aisle seat, at the time in my life I would throw up a lot on planes, I needed an aisle seat. A nice middle-aged Orthodox woman was on a pilot trip who was sitting in the middle seat between me and a nice Chassid asked me to switch. I explained I wish I could but because of my past I needed the aisle. She understood and said thanks anyway. 9-10 hours go by and we start playing Jewish geography. She asked me if she could ask me a question, I said sure. She said, are you dating? I said no, but if I do start, I already have a girl in mind. Next words she said: how about and she said the name of the girl. How about so-and-so from Miami Beach? I said, excuse me? She said, goes on and she says, I know her and her family forever and I thought that'd be a good idea for you. I was shaking. There were hundreds of people on an El Al flight. I couldn't believe my ears. What are the chances the very person next me on the plane would be Hashem's shliach? Rabbi Jonathan Kohn's shliach. I said thank you, made some other small talk and we parted ways. I immediately stepped off the plane, found out the Jets finished the second half to win, and then called Rabbi Jonathan Kohn. I said, you have Ruach HaKodesh, how did you know? He immediately played it down with humility and respect and said it was just a feeling he had. We didn't start dating yet but that Elul we did, and besoros tovos from there on out. His positivity, love, connection to every single person in his life were real. Crazy story of hashgacha and emuna in Hashem, forever grateful not only for his bracha, for his friendship, guidance, support these last 18 years. I'll miss him dearly and hope to make him proud in shamayim. That's where he was seated on the aisle next to the woman, 10 hours in they start, she says how about so-and-so, which is exactly the name of who we thought. She sets it up and they're living happily ever after, Baruch Hashem, an amazing couple and family and making a big difference in whatever community is so blessed to be able to have them both there. Okay, I have a bunch more but we have learning to do. Oh man, and we're taking next week off, which means when I come back I'm going to have so many more. One more having to do with shidduchim then we'll dive back in. They're all amazing, please write them. Not only are they amazing for me, they're great for you to write it, so please continue and please send them in even if I can't read them. I want to share a crazy instance of hashgacha pratis that happened to me earlier this week. Heads up, it's not your typical feel-good story, you'll have to decide whether or not this is a good ending. I grew up as one of four Jews in my hometown. The other three were my parents and my younger brother. While I went to Reform Sunday school and received a Bar Mitzvah, I knew very little about Judaism and Torah until I was 24 when I began Yiddishkeit. Baruch Hashem, baal teshuvah of five years, I was zocha to spend two years learning in yeshiva in Yerushalayim. While most people think of baalei teshuvah as inherently spiritual, full of emuna and ahavas Hashem, that was not the case for me. I became religious solely because I wanted the best chance of having a successful marriage and family, and because when I came to accept Hashem was real, Torah was true, I felt I had no other choice to follow mitzvos otherwise my life would surely be full of punishment and suffering. Even with my time in yeshiva and a wonderful Rebbi guiding me, I would say my emuna and relationship with Hashem only marginally improved. Last September I dated a girl for two months. I was convinced that I finally found my wife and she made it clear she felt the same way as me. We dated for two months and the very end of the shidduch, three days before we were set to be engaged, things suddenly and unexpectedly fell apart. I tried desperately to save things, but she coldly ended things five days later via a phone call. Tough. Phone call. I was completely distraught. I had no real base of support around me, and everyone that was involved in the shidduch knew her far better and longer than they knew me, so none of them maintained a relationship with me after. I felt completely abandoned by everyone except for two friends and felt that Hashem was punishing me yet again, taking away the thing I yearned for most. One of the friends that stood by me during this time encouraged me to work on my emuna. So it was that I started listening to several emuna focused podcasts, including yours. Over the past few months I've worked intensely on my faith in Hashem, in addition to other aspects of my life in which I felt were deficient. That brings me to the hashgacha I wish to share. The providence. Two days ago I randomly received a notification on my phone that one of these podcasts, which I sporadically consume, had a new episode on the month of Tammuz. For whatever reason I began listening and the podcast was mentioned this is a month where people are prone to forget that Hashem is with them, and therefore are more likely to break down when challenges and setbacks arise. It was also... Just like those incredible parents are able to not have any resentment against the driver of that car, all of us can find a way to drop grudges. While I don't think about her often anymore, I suddenly realized I had not consciously forgiven the girl from last fall. I stopped what I was doing at work and spent the next thirty minutes writing down my grievances with her and as many arguments to forgive her as I could fathom. In the end, I came to the conclusion that not only should I grant her Mechila, I owe her a debt of gratitude because all the work I put into myself this year would not have come about if she hadn't broken off our Shidduch. Even with the great pain she caused, I can confidently say I'm much happier with who I am today than the man I was when we were together. Almost exactly five and a half hours later, I received a text in WhatsApp that this girl got engaged. Admittedly, I'm grappling with jealousy that she not only emerged from our Shidduch unscathed while I suffer, but that Hashem thought she more worthy than I to meet her Basheret. I'm also having a hard time dealing with the recognition that someone who seven months ago told me they loved me, couldn't wait to spend eternity together with me, found someone she cared for more in such short order. But at the same time, I cannot help but smile and feel happy. Hashem runs the world. He compelled me to stop and consciously decide I forgive this woman, and I'm better off without her than I was with her. And He did all that a few mere hours before her engagement was announced. Did my granting Mechila contribute to her ability to move on with her future husband? I don't know. What I'm certain of is that pushing me to finally move on was His way of making it so I wouldn't be broken by the news. This was the ultimate Chesed from Hashem. While I'm still waiting and yearning for my person, my Basheret, I know Hashem is watching over me, and I have to believe that one day soon I'll be reunited with the woman that Hashem put on this earth to be with. Thank you for reading. If anyone knows a wonderful woman for this amazing Ba'al Teshuva of five years, learned in Yeshiva for two years, and is able to frame things through the Emuna perspective, and that's all I know about him right now, which is the same that you know about him. Let me know. Maybe we'll make a wonderful Shidduch from here. There are more, but these are some of—they're amazing. They're all amazing. And they give us incredible Chizuk and strength. From the picture in the lush pastures of the Hamptons to the stories of things that work out and don't, to the Chizuk we get in learning and seeing others who are able to frame things. Life is so much about framing. That's what Yosef HaTzadik taught us: how to frame. That's what Emuna is. Living with Emuna is not just putting on your frames, your glasses, to see the world a certain way, but it's the way that we frame. We've shared this before. It's actually a modality in psychology is framing and reframing. That's what we do. The same picture—you have a picture and that same picture could be beautiful or ugly, could be one you want to hang or one you want to sell on the garage sale, all depending on the frame that you put around it. The frame that you put around it can change the entire way you perceive the picture. That's why there are framing stores and a framing business, and frames matter. And reframing is everything. Yosef HaTzadik, when the brothers come and they're afraid he's going to take revenge and kill them, what he does in that moment is he reframes things. And he says, I can take the same picture. A group of brothers who threw a brother in the pit, wanted to kill him, and ultimately sold him into slavery. That's the picture that you painted. Let's put a different frame around it. Hashem wanted me in Egypt, wanted me to rise to be the viceroy, wanted me to save the economy, wanted me to bail out our family, wanted me to be in this power and this position. Hashem is the one who did it all and put me here. Same story, same exact picture, but it's a new frame. And it's that capacity to put a different frame around the picture of our life. The picture could be: flight was canceled, they messed me up on the next one they put me on, life is miserable, Hashem doesn't love me, everything is terrible. Or you put a new frame around that picture: that I'm here for a reason, I am where I'm meant to be, I can go in a short Uber from the airport to my children and play with those grandchildren for a few more minutes, and I'll get on the next flight from Fort Lauderdale. You put a different frame around the same picture. And this young man—old man, I have no idea his age, because you know everything I do about him—but he put a new frame around that picture. Instead of \"I can't believe it, now she's engaged and I'm not, she was cruel, broke up over the phone, all the friends stayed with her, not me, now I learn she's engaged, woe is me,\" he put a new frame and he says, \"Wow, I am so much better than I was then. I learned so much. I'm so much happier and prouder with who I am and the man I am now than when I was with her. And I'm so happy that I randomly listened to a Shiur that got me to a place to work on myself to actively forgive her. And maybe in that merit is why she broke through. And even if not, I feel better because that's the whole other frame.\" Chevre, we could put a different frame around the pictures of our lives. The pictures of our lives sometimes are magnificent and beautiful, and it's exactly the scene we'd want to paint at a Simcha of a member of our family, at good news. that good news that we got and we don't need, any frame will do, it doesn't even need a frame and it's such a beautiful picture. And other times the picture, picture is not on its own so beautiful. And the picture on its own is not so perfect and the picture on its own is not what we would have painted. But you can take an ugly picture to a framing store and say, \"Put a frame on this picture that will make me see it in a different way. Put a frame on this picture that will make me want to proudly hang it in my home.\" And that's what Emuna is, that's Emuna mission. What frame will you put on the picture of your life? How can you reframe whatever you're going through? It's essentially the same thing I just told you about Simcha. How can you reframe whatever is happening to make the decision אשר ברא ששון ושמחה, to make the decision to be happy. It's not an emotion, emotion's the picture. The frame is what creates the decision, it's a decision to be happy. We are in Shemaitsa de-Mar, we're learning this beautiful shtickel from the Gerer Rosh Yeshiva, Rav Shaul Alter. Im yirtze Hashem may he come back again this year, super excited for that possibility. And we're on page 74. זה שטיקל מאוד עמוק להבנה מאוד קשה ליישום. See where we are, the top of that page. Says on the top of the page 74. Page on the top of the page 74. Top right says page 74. זה שטיקל מאוד עמוק להבנה. This shtickel Torah, this little piece, this learning, this lesson, this idea is very deep to understand and very difficult to absorb. ודברים הקדושים טמון סוד הביטחון, but in it is hidden the secret, the foundation of Bitochon. What's he talking about? We just learned from the Brisk Rav, Sfas Emes from his Zayda, Chiddushei Harim, that ברוך הגבר אשר יבטח בה' והיה ה' מבטחו. The more we turn to and trust in Hashem, the more he reveals to us why he's trustworthy. These hugs, these winks, these nods where you don't have to go out on a limb and you don't have to exercise to the point of exhaustion how to connect the dots to put that new frame, but Hashem reveals himself and why things happen the way they do and the way they are. The more we live with Emuna, the more we look and search for him, the more he winks and nods and hugs back at us. That's very deep and it's very hard. זה לא קל להשיג כמו כל המידות. It's not easy to attain just like all other character traits. It and they are not easy, they're hard and they take hard work. כמבואר בספרים הקדושים שטייט, it appears in the holy books. שאם אדם היה יכול לעבוד לזכך את המידות שלו בשבוע או בחודש ובשנה ולהשלים את העבודה בזמן קצר. If a person were able to perfect themselves, never get angry again, never get jealous again, if we could perfect our character in a day or a week or a month or even a year. ולהיות ראוי לעולם הבא בפחות שנים, and we can perfect ourselves to be worthy for the world to come in fewer years. לא היה הקדוש ברוך הוא מוריד אותו לעולם הגשמי לזמן ארוך יותר, then he wouldn't leave us here for all this time. The reason, please God, im yirtze Hashem we daven and certainly can't take it for granted that we merit for longevity to live here a long time is because it takes a lifetime to work on ourselves. We are works in progress. That's what I keep telling you chevreh. A little more patience with me, I'm a work in progress. I'm a work in progress. We're all works in progress. How do we know? Because we're here. And if we were done, we wouldn't be. We're works in progress. If we woke up this morning, if our contract was renewed another day, then we were given more runway to work on ourselves. Work on ourselves. We don't know why those who are gone are gone, in what way were they complete, in what way did Hashem decide they were finished. We don't know, we don't understand and we shouldn't get lost in trying to because there are questions we'll never have answers to. But what we do know is if we still have runway in front of us, there is work to be done. There's work to be done. I don't care how old you are. My mechutan's grandmother just passed away 104 years old. Boruch Hashem. At 103 she's still working, not done, still work to be done. Imagine a 104 year old says, \"I'm working on myself.\" Working on myself, working on myself. Yeah, if I'm still alive and still breathing and still interacting with others, with Hashem and with myself, then there's still work to be done. Still work to be done. כי לאיזה צורך צריכים להמתין שנים רבות בעולם הזה אם אפשר להגיע תכף לטוב הגדול המזומן בעולם הבא. Because if we could have perfected ourselves in one day, then why would we need to spend another 70, 80, 90 years in this world? I'm done, perfect, I'm ready to hand in the test, I finished it and now put me in the world to come. הרי הנשמה המקום שלה למעלה בשמים, because our soul really yearns, really longs, where the soul really belongs is to return to its creator, to its source, to Hashem. אלא נתנו לאדם שבעים ושמונים שנה. But man is given seventy or eighty years, והשם יעזור לאורך ימים ושנים אם ירצה השם עד מאה ועשרים שנה and Hashem should help all of us reach one hundred and twenty. כי אז הזמן נדרש כדי ללטש את היהלום הזה שנקרא בן אדם, צריכים עבודה של הרבה שנים כדי לזכך ולעדן את הגוף. We need, and he points us to the Avnei Nezer, the Sochatchover, the Sfas Emes, Chayei Sarah, lashon of the yehi ratzon that we say before tehillim. The great Gerer Rosh Yeshiva is pointing us now to all these mareh mekomos. He alludes to all these sources, look them up himself inside that tell us that the reason that we have the lifetime that we do here on earth is so we can spend it filled with working on ourselves. We retire from our profession, we are never retired from life. Our job, how we make our money, our profession, that we retire from, and how wonderful it must be to have that conversation. When is the right time to retire from a profession? But when you retire from your profession, it's time to get to work on yourself. Really we have to work on ourselves all throughout our lives, including while we have a profession, but many say, I don't have time. I'm so busy working for a living, I don't have time to work on myself. Where's your excuse when you stop working for a living? Now you can full-time be working on yourself. People sitting here who are like that: the next learning, the next goal, the next class, the next—such people are inspiring and incredible. People who are retired from working for a living who use that time to now work on themselves. We need to work on ourselves throughout our life. It takes a lifetime because we are constantly and regularly works in progress. But we have to be working on ourselves, working on ourselves and the same attitude, mentality we bring to work, which is ambition, drive. I hope, I think the healthiest way to be at work is not I make enough, I do enough, I get enough, it is enough, but I want to challenge myself. We have in implementing EOS here at BRS, Entrepreneurial Operating System, which is something we've been working on for over a year, fantastic, it's been game-changer, it's amazing. One of the principles of EOS is core values. What are your core values? What are the core values that drive the organization? Not the mission statement to others, but if you're a staff member, if you're working in that organization, what's the covenant, what's the commitment, not aspirational who you want to be, but what are the core values? How do you behave? We have five core values. We have five: own the outcome, strive for excellence, growth-oriented. We have five core values. But one of them is growth-oriented. If someone has a mentality and attitude that says I am what I am, I don't need to learn, I don't want to learn AI, I don't want to challenge myself, I don't want to expand in that way, I don't want to grow, I do the job you ask me to do, I get it done in the way it gets done, I'm good to go, you're good to go somewhere else, because that's not our core value. Our core value is embrace—our core value is growth-oriented, embrace challenges, own outcome, this is our core value. To be growth-oriented means I want to grow. Every year I want to be able to measure what I did differently. One of the things we're doing now, this has nothing to do with emunah, but I want to give it as an illustration. I've gotten very into and excited by AI. It's not giving my shiurim, it's not writing my drashos and it's not writing my articles. But what it can do is all of us in our professional and personal lives is identify anything a robot could do and you should no longer be doing it. Anything that can be automated, any repetitive act, anything that was incredibly time-consuming, making spreadsheets and writing certain letters and correspondence and organizing certain financials and reconciling certain reports, anything that a robot can do it should do, leaving us to do all the things that demand and require only us to do. That's true in our professional lives and our personal lives. So we turned to the whole staff and we said everybody now has access to AI, whichever platform you want you can choose. And everyone is now not only invited but encouraged and rewarded to every day spend whatever amount of time playing with it. Figure out what that you're doing can be automated to free you up to be doing other things that no one but you could be doing. If you're growth-oriented you say that sounds fantastic. I'm so excited by that. I didn't know that. I didn't know that. I'll give you just an example. Believe it or not we're two hundred and something episodes into Behind the Bima, our little hobby on the side, I'd much rather people listen to shiurim than it even though I have fun with it. It's a little hobby on the side. We don't have a spreadsheet anywhere about how many episodes, who were the guests, did they have sponsorships, how long were they. Now if I said that to you: Do me a favor, one of my holy precious girls, young women, I said do me a favor this summer you're around you're not doing anything, I'll even pay you a little bit for it, could you go—it would take hours and hours and days and be so mindless and who would want to do it. You go on AI and you say, here is the YouTube link for all the Behind the Bima, and here are the prompts, make a spreadsheet that is this, that, and the other, in seconds there was a spreadsheet with the whole thing done. And by the way, from now on automatically every time there's a new episode add it to the spreadsheet, done. Don't have to ever think about it again. It's unbelievable how much time it would have taken. My point to you is when you have a growth attitude mindset, you say that's fantastic, how can I learn it, how can I adapt it, adopt it, what can I do with it? That's what it means to be part of our community staff and family, and that's what the Gerrer Rebbe is saying about life. It's not only true in the EOS at your work, it's true in the operating system of our lives, to never be fixed, but to always be growing. Carol Dweck's wonderful book, Growth Mindset: two types of people, fixed mindset versus growth mindset. The Gerrer Rebbe is talking about a growth mindset. The reason we live the length of the lives that we do is because there's always work to be done. We're always growing. Never can we say we've arrived, we're complacent, we're complete, we're done, we're finished, checkmark, it is what it is. ולרכוש מידת הבטחון נצרך הרבה עבודה. And within that, a growth mindset, within that, I'm a work in progress. I'm working on myself now that I'm no longer working for a living. Though among the most important of priorities in the work that we have to do and the work we do on ourselves is the work in bitachon. שינוי תמידי על עיקרי האמונה והביטחון לזכור תמיד אומנם אני עושה השתדלות הטוב אבל לזכור לא לשקוע בעשייה הגשמית. Emuna, bitachon, a person can never come and say whether it's because they've been tested and they passed or because life has been simple and straightforward, you know what, my emuna bitachon I'm good. I know there's Hashem, I know He's involved in my life, I thank Him for everything, I give Him credit for everything, I'm good to go. No one can ever or should ever say my emuna is complete, check, finished, done, good to go, whole. No, every day it doesn't matter who you are, the biggest gadol, the biggest tzaddik, the biggest, doesn't matter how you've been tested, what you've overcome, what you've navigated in your life, we are all constantly the avoda, the work, we are works in progress, to never because we operate and live in this physical world and we operate and live in a world in which our initiative we think so correlates with the outcome and results. That's the email that I didn't read. Among the emails I didn't read is this incredible email from somebody who had a year, a business, something he's been working on, sleepless nights, uncertainty, and he hasn't gotten one penny made from it. He can't believe it. A new enterprise, a new business, invested his all, worked nonstop, nothing. He hit a breaking point, he was ready to walk away, ready to let it fold and he got a text from his mother who told him you need to take two days off, don't look at an email, don't look at a text, don't try to set up a meeting, just talk to Hashem. Lean on Him, talk to Him, and tell Him that you know He is the result, He is everything. And this is what he says, I'm skipping to the end: The text was my sign. At that moment I made a decision I was going to buy into these next two days, no work, no strategy, no chasing, 100 percent trusting Hashem. Those next two days unimaginable things happened. Doors opened that I had put little to zero effort into. New opportunities came through channels I had barely touched. And I want to be clear: I did absolutely nothing work-related on these two days. I didn't open my computer, I didn't send a single email, I didn't make a single call, I didn't think about strategy or clients or deals, nothing. The only thing that changed was my mindset, was me. Over a year of hard work with no results, empty calendar, zero meetings. The moment I let go completely, Hashem worked things out openly and miraculously. I'm not saying do zero hishtadlus. We have to do initiative and effort. A little is necessary, I understand it's a nuanced topic, but initiative has nothing to do with results. Hashem decides. What I learned is that when you truly shift in an emuna bitachon mindset, not just intellectually, really live it, something changes. Throughout this whole year, even in the darkest moments, I never stopped learning or doing hisbodedus. Even when it was just a little, even when it was just a tiny bit, I held on and that was everything. To anyone out there who's struggling, he writes, please understand this was not a two-week process, this was over a year of struggle, pain, and uncertainty, but Hashem is the King, and He makes every single moment of it worth it. Never give up. Talk to Him. He's real, He's listening, He's the King of the world, He loves us, He's infinite, ein od milvado, ein od milvado. And that was exactly his message. We do our initiative and then we make the mistake. We do the initiative and then we hold on. And the harder we hold on, I told you the mashal before in sports, the tighter you hold, doesn't matter what sport, the tennis racket, the bat, or the golf club, the tighter you hold it, the worse you perform with it. Drummer: my wife is a drummer, another friend of mine, Jackie, Jackie Goldberg, once told me the tighter you hold the drumsticks, the worse you play. Whether it's a musical instrument... Whether it's a musical instrument or in sports, the equipment, the tighter you hold on, the worse you do. And the looser you hold, you got to hold on, can't let it go, you can't swing a golf club or bat or tennis racket, can't play drums if you're not holding the sticks. You got to hold on. The looser you hold, the better you perform, the better you play. And that's initiative in life. Don't hold on too tight. I'm in charge, I'm in control, it's up to me, what's it going to be, I gotta solve this, I gotta fix this, I gotta... every executive type A personality, micromanaging, I've gotta fix it, I've gotta make it right, I've gotta control it, I'm responsible for the outcome of it, I get the credit for it, I'm the blame for it, I'm tight and tight and tight and tight. You know, if you play a sport, if you have blisters on your hands, you're doing something wrong. You're holding, you're gripping too tight, your grip is off. And the first thing any good instructor will teach you is how to grip differently. Emuna and hishtadlus is all about changing your grip. How do you change your grip? Hishtadlus, initiative, is how do you change your grip? Change the grip. I've got to do initiative. I've got to work. Right, this guy didn't say, I took two days off, I'm taking the rest of my life off. Now that's the answer. I'm done. Hashem's just going to send me money and reward and clients and all good things. That's not his conclusion. That's not the outcome. That's not what he says because it's not what you can say. We have to do initiative and we have to make effort, but we have to realize while we're doing it that we're holding lightly. Hold it loose and light because Hashem is the one who brings the reward. He brings the outcome. He spent an entire year of initiative over here and the moment he was finally willing to let go or grip a little bit more loosely, Hashem brought the result from over here. Ah, he did the work over here, the result came from over here? Yeah, because Hashem sometimes reminds us that the result, the outcome, doesn't correlate with the effort. The effort we have to do, but the outcome doesn't necessarily correlate. And that, to know that, to live that, that's a lifetime of work, says the Gerrer Rosh Yeshiva. That doesn't happen in a day. You can't walk out here today and go, oh great Emuna shiur today. Today was great. He talked about EOS and growth-oriented and AI and tennis rackets and I don't even remember anymore what else we talked about. Wow, that was a good one. And by the way, I'm good to go now. Check, Emuna, I have it. I'm going to grip a little bit more loosely. I changed my grip because of the shiur. I'm good to go. No, I'm not just saying that so you come back to the next shiur. I'm saying that because all of us need to come back. It is a lifetime of work. We are all works in progress in this area. To remember מתוך מחשבת טהור שהכל תלוי בעשייתו כמו שפירש הרבי מקוצק. Like the Kotzker Rebbe said in Tehillim, יגיע כפיך כי תאכל אשריך וטוב לך שדייקא אם יגיע כפיך ולא יגיע מחשבתך ומוחך. Yegia kapecha means kapecha is your hand, palm of your hand. When the effort of the palm of your hand you'll eat, ashrecha, blessed, fortunate are you, ve-tov lach, it's good for you. So the Kotzker Rebbe pointed out that it's with your hand. Our initiative is with our hands, not with our head. In our head, we have to know Emuna. Initiative is with hands, while Emuna Bitachon are with the head. Then אשריך בעולם הזה וטוב לך לעולם הבא. Then it's good for us in both worlds. רק הידיים שלי עושות ולא גם השכל שלי עושה ולא אני אני בעצמי הנשמה שלי הנני יודע שאיני שייך בכלל לעולם הזה וכל מציאותי כאן בעולם הזה הוא גר במקום שאינו שלו. I have to know that my hands are doing the initiative. I have to type the emails, I have to make the phone calls. My body has to take the initiative, but in my head, I know it's all up to Him. It's all up to Him. That's why yegia kapecha, your hands are the place of the hard work. In your head, that's where you let go and let God. That's where you know it's all up to Him. That's your hands, you're doing the work. In your head is where you're having the faith. And it's not the ani, it's not me, it's not I. There's no sense of self. Hashem is in charge and control, He's running this world. וכל מה שהנני עושה הוא רק כדי לקיים הגזירה שנגזרה עלינו בחטא אדם הראשון. The fact that my hands have to do the work, I'm still paying the price for our ancestor, Adam HaRishon, ate that from... he ate from that Eitz HaDa'at. Why'd you have to eat from that tree? He ate from that tree and the punishment was we work with the sweat of our brow and ever since then, that's my punishment. But not really because the outcome correlates with my effort, just because that's the punishment. שלפני החטא הרגיש אדם הראשון הקדוש ברוך הוא מהווה אותו ומקיים אותו ומחיה אותו ולאחר החטא הוא נבדל מהשם יתברך אזי יש הניסיון של גזירת הפרנסה שלא לשכוח מהאדם שהקדוש ברוך הוא מבטיח ועלינו להשתדל לקיים את הגזירה מתוך זיכרון שאין זה מביא הצלחה. Every day we fall prey to the confusion that the outcome and the results are because of us. To know and to live and to realize, I have to take my hishtadlus, my effort like the writer of that amazing email. I've got to do it, my hands, but in my head I have to know all along at the same time that the outcome is up to him and he has a plan and our best is yet to come and we're never done. So im yirtzeh Hashem, this is a time of year, I see we have some new faces who ordinarily are working during this time and can't come on Wednesdays at 9:00 AM and you're using your time off to come here, which is exactly what the Gerer Rebbe was saying: while you're not working, it's time to get to work. While you're not working in your profession, it's time to get to work on yourself. What a great way to spend! Just happens to be we're taking off next week, so you're going to have to work on yourself in another way. There's so many amazing resources: read, learn, listen to our previous shiurim or countless others who are far better. Find what will work for you and im yirtzeh Hashem we'll resume and be back together in two weeks from now. As always, please stay, please have a donut in memory of Chaim, and please stay to say Tehillim. Our member is having surgery right now. Im yirtzeh Hashem we should hear a good outcome. We should share and hear only besoros tovos, yeshuos.
