Transcript
Good morning Boker Tov, welcome back to Living with Emunah. I hope you've helped yourself to coffee, water, slushy, pastry, Reb Shayala's corner here at Boca Raton Synagogue, where we feed your body and nourish your soul. So please help yourself. Our Emunah series is generously sponsored by Dr. Zvi and Bella Morgan in memory of Rabbi Dr. Brian Galbut, in memory of Bella's mother Dr. Ellen Schanzer, and in honor of our holy soldiers, may they be safe and successful, and may we welcome back all of the hostages, please God. This morning's shiur is sponsored by Shana Furman in honor of her Aliyah today. Wow, she's on a plane now. This shiur has been a continuous source of strength. Big Mazel Tov, Kol HaKavod, V'shavu banim ligvulam. What an incredible fulfillment of the Jewish dream. It should all go smoothly and seamlessly and successfully and well, and thank you for sponsoring this morning. By the Cohen family with Hoda'ah l'Hashem for a beautiful life. I'm going to flex a little bit, but Shana's on the plane it says now for her Aliyah. If you go on El Al, it's somewhat buried, but if you go on the Torah classes and you press audio and general, and then you'll see Living with Emunah. So you could listen on El Al. So it's not an excuse, Shana, just because you're making Aliyah, you think you have some excuse? You're cutting out on Emunah shiur? You can on El Al listen. And it's very good in the middle of the night when you took the sleeping pill and had three glasses of wine and it's all not working, put on Living with Emunah. Tried and true, it's been proven, if you put on the Living with Emunah, doesn't matter which section of the plane you're sitting in, you will sleep like nobody's business. By the Cohen family with Hoda'ah l'Hashem for a beautiful life. By Irene and Eli Mendelson in honor of Audrey's Bat Mitzvah celebration. Big Mazel Tov, and you should have Nachas from the amazing Audrey. Big Mazel Tov and thank you to the Mendelsons. Anonymously with thanks to BRS for the shiurim, may the zechus for bringing a zivug for שיינא רבקה בת שרה רחל who introduced her to the Emunah shiurim and im yirtzeh Hashem we should celebrate and dance at a simcha soon. So thank you to all the generous sponsors. Okay, I want to start out this morning with two diametrically seemingly opposed emails or ideas about Emunah based on the events of what happened, what we woke up to tragically on Monday morning. I wrote an article yesterday, terrorism terrorizes, it accomplishes its goal. The day that two evil wicked terrorists decided to open fire on a bus stop and took the precious lives of six holy souls, and that same day we lost four precious soldiers in Gaza, each irreplaceable, each whose family's lives will be changed forever, ten losses sustained in one day. We should all be feeling that unbearable pain as a consequence. But terrorism terrorizes. That day two of my daughters who live in Israel, should I take the bus? I'm supposed to take the bus. I'm nervous to take the bus. It wasn't just those ten or those injured, it was ten million who live in Israel who were terrorized. But if you look at that scene, you see darkness and gloom, but if you look closer, you can see light and good. Whether it was the two heroes who didn't run away but ran towards and took out the terrorists and saved countless lives, or the taxi driver, if you saw this video, who dodges bullets to open the back door and help an elderly woman out to be able to escape to safety. You can look at that scene and you can see evil and dark, or you could look a little more carefully and you can see good and you can see light. They're both there and they're both true, but make sure that you don't neglect one without the other. And the article, just to give you a little spoiler alert, that the article I published this week was there was a WhatsApp post by someone who lives in Ramot who said that the person who ran towards and who shot and killed those two terrorists and saved countless lives, he sat next to in shul two years ago on Yomim Nora'im. And last year one of the six Kiddoshim who were murdered in cold blood, he sat next to him last year on Yomim Nora'im in shul. And his point was you never know who you're sitting next to in shul. There's no such thing as stam Yid, every Jew is holy. And so the article is Rav Nosson Tzvi Finkel was once asked by a talmid, by a student, the great Rosh Yeshiva of the Mir, zecher tzadik livracha, what should I daven for on Rosh Hashanah? My health, my wealth, my parnassa, children, nachas, what should I daven for? And he answered with two words: what should you daven for? Someone else. What should you daven for? Someone else. So look around, even though we tend to look in the machzor, our life lays in the balance, don't look in the machzor to the exclusion of not looking around because you're not sitting next to a stam Yid. If you'd know that who you're sitting next to, God forbid, would be murdered in cold blood for being a Jew this coming year, would you not look at them differently? If you knew who you were sitting next to was going to be a hero and save Klal Yisrael, would you not look at them differently where you're sitting? So look at who you're sitting next to. So I got the following email. Dear Rabbi Goldberg, hope the email finds you well. I'm a long-time listener, blah blah blah, thank you for the kind words, blah blah blah. Today was my first day back at work. Today was my first day back at work after maternity leave, so I put on your most recent Emunah Shiur and began driving. Traffic started building up and the Waze suggested an alternative route. You were talking about taking ownership and responsibility over our own lives. There've been many times in the past where I listened to Waze and I wish I didn't. So I decided to ignore the route that Waze was saying was shorter and continue on my usual route. All in all it took me three hours to get to work on my first day back. The rest of the drive there I listened to your words, I did my best to embrace my place, not let this put a damper on my first day. I tried to internalize how can I recognize my mission for every moment and in this moment who am I right now? I arrived two hours late thinking I had made the wrong decision not listening to Waze when my coworker told me there had been a terror attack at the Ramot junction, the exact route that Waze wanted me to take. I realized then that sitting in two hours of traffic is really where Hashem wanted me to be. I have a lot of hakaras hatov for living with emunah, your words emunah shiur have guided me through different seasons of my life, marriage and miluim, miscarriages and births, they guided me again today as I navigate returning to work and having my beautiful baby, wishing you a meaningful Elul. So here she ignored Waze and it turned out even though she regretted it because it took her into more traffic, ignoring Waze and following her instinct and embracing her place in that traffic may have saved her life, what a miracle she wasn't at that Ramot junction when that when that those terrorists opened fire. And I want to be very clear, that is a powerful email and I join and share in her hakaras hatov or gratitude to Hashem for guiding her or giving her that instinct to make a decision that may have saved her life. And no one is saying that living with emunah means to temper or to deny it or not say it, of course you say it. Of course a person is saved from a dangerous situation you say wow, Hashem you orchestrated and curated circumstances, the things worked out well for me, thank you. But what you've heard me say countless times and what I'm opposed to is basing emunah on those stories. And I want to tell you exactly why. Levi Yitzchak Pash, Hashem yikom damo worked as a maintenance worker at Kol Torah Yeshiva in Yerushalayim, he was standing at the bus stop with another staff member of the Yeshiva, a man driving a car stopped and offered to take him to the Yeshiva and both entered the car. At an unexpected moment a person appeared and asked to join the ride, he needed urgent medical treatment at the hospital. Levi Yitzchak who was already sitting in the car got out to accommodate the request. Five minutes later the horrific attack occurred and he was murdered. 57-year-old had worked for years at Kol Torah Yeshiva, he was in that tremp, he was in that car, he gave up his seat for someone else and it cost him his life he was murdered. If you believe that the first story of not listening to Waze is from Hashem, then you have to believe that the second story of giving up his seat and giving up his life is also from Hashem. You can't only tell the stories in one direction and you can't base your emunah on when it all works out. Yes, that's emunah, when it works out of course it's Hashem. Those who survived the Holocaust, those who survived 9/11 coming up, those who survived October 7th, those who Baruch Hashem were cured from cancer or illness, of course should thank Hashem for his providence and his love and guiding them towards salvation towards recovery towards good things. Of course a seudas hodah, benching gomel, thanking of course it's from Hashem. But don't base emunah on hearing only the story of the person who missed the flight. What about the person who was waiting on standby and got on the flight? On the person who missed the Ramot junction, what about the person who had a ride away from the Ramot junction but gave it up for someone else and ended up costing his life? It's all Hashem, the good and the painful, that which we see his hand and that which we don't understand why you orchestrated things in such a way. And if we only base our emunah on the one direction, then when something happens in the other direction we're going to walk away, we're going to give it up, it won't make sense, we won't see his guiding hand and we're going to be filled with questions and doubt. So we have to know going in and that's why we try to learn together and grow together in the way in which we say and I ask people, don't just send me the emails where it all worked out wonderfully. In our family Hashgacha WhatsApp group, we don't just put in and then the teacher didn't show up and I hadn't studied and it worked out perfectly, and then I got the parking spot, and then it turns out that the lunch was served. We I ask my kids and I try also to put in Hashgacha Pratis, we opened the car door and it knocked off someone's mirror. Hashgacha Pratis, how is that Hashgacha Pratis? I don't know, but it was also Hashgacha Pratis. It's also Hashgacha Pratis. It's also Hashgacha Pratis. First Rabbi Goldberg, thank you for taking the time to respond to my earlier email, I want to share an emunah moment that is definitely a result of listening to shiur from last night. A motorist clipped the mirror off my car, my new car, causing the back shield to fall off. The driver drove off through a red light. So I was unable to follow up with him and get his details. Usually I would have been so upset, especially as it's my new car, and given the circumstances of the last few weeks, but I was amazed to see that my immediate thoughts were thankfully nothing worse happened, Baruch Hashem no one got hurt. It reminded me of one of your podcasts I listened to recently. You shared stories of driving incidents and the authors' responses; without a shadow of a doubt, these stories gave me the strength and perspective for my little incident and I am immensely grateful. That's the power of our movement. It's the power of our shiur, it's our power of what we're doing. And if you're listening online, God bless you, more power to you. Thank you. We have some new people today who drove all the way across town to be here. Thank you. It means a lot to me. I hope you realize and feel that being with other people and feeling their energy and growing and learning and working on it together is totally different than while you're cooking, while you're shopping, while you're working out in the background, having it playing as background noise. But you see the power and I'm not saying it's my power, all I do is read emails and read someone else's Torah text and have the privilege, but it's not mine and it helps me maybe more than anyone else so that yes someone clipped off your mirror and instead of indulging what would have been our reaction and response: anger, rage, revenge, resentment, we say okay, I wasn't meant to have that mirror on my car. It's possible I'm telling a story maybe not in my home that someone was supposed to watch challos that went into the oven and they forgot and therefore they came out a little burnt and it's possible it didn't work out so well and you said the challos are the way they were meant to be. It's possible that did not go over so well. Hypothetically, theoretically, I'm not suggesting you try it at home, risking your own life. When it comes to what we're meant to do for other people, we take responsibility, accountability, and ownership, we learn and we promise and pledge to do better next time. When it comes to the things that happen to us, we should say if whoever was meant to take out the challa, if the challa were meant to be right the first time, Hashem you would have made that person remember and realize that they were supposed to turn off the oven and take it out. So for the person who did it, I'm sorry, apology, responsibility, accountability. For the person to whom it happened: I appreciate you apologizing, I guess Hashem didn't mean for this batch to work out the way I want. It's such a better way to live life. Serenity, peace, happiness. Look at these and it's not me, it's a movement and this one goes in our chapter on car mirrors. Now we don't just have a chapter on cars, we have a chapter on car mirrors. We're going to get subsections of those cars. But it's not only the ones that work out well. I'll read you one more that worked out well. Rabbi Goldberg, I want to share a story of the night I found out my grandfather passed away. I work in a camp in Pennsylvania. My mom called me at 10:30 camp time, which is 11:30 city time, which makes no sense that there's such a thing as camp time, we'll leave that aside. Since it was late I was a little bit concerned. I picked up the phone and she relayed to me the heartbreaking news. While I was devastated my mind immediately went to how my three cousins, my brother and I were all going to get home for the funeral the next morning. We're all in different sleepaway camps in Pennsylvania and New York. Five of us were spread out in four different camps. I had a car where I was, but everyone else needed to get home and it was already pretty late. To make a long story short within about five minutes of finding out my brother, me and two of my, three of my cousins all coincidentally found each other in the camp I was working in. My brother and I were supposed to hang out together somewhere else that night, last minute we decided together he'd come to me. He had just arrived. My cousin at a different camp an hour away impulsively had decided to come to visit her friend at the camp I worked at and we happened to congregate and find each other quickly outside the camp dining room. Pretty soon after on our way to pick up our other cousin, it was a quiet ride home as we all knew the day ahead of us was going to be long and hard. We thankfully got home safely around 3:00 AM all prepared to wake up the next day to head to our grandfather's funeral. While it was hard and continues to be hard, I think how complicated it would have been for my cousins, my brother and myself to all get organized, get to each other and get home. Instead, Hashem chose for us and orchestrated it in such a way to find each other quickly, to keep each other company in the car ride home. It's been a difficult summer but you feel and find those hugs from Hashem even within the difficult moments. Another it all worked out, he orchestrated, he curated, he choreographed. We should have been spread out all over, instead for whatever reason, just happened to be coincidentally we were right near each other and we were able to get home for the grand beautiful heartwarming and there should be gratitude and it was from above and there is no question about it. But what about this email? Dear Rabbi Goldberg, we're currently in the midst of fertility treatments. First setback of the round was during the Iran war. My husband was in miluim. I drove with my kids during the first few minutes of the ceasefire for my blood test to determine if I was pregnant, unfortunately I was not. After one day of just pause, I say this almost every week because it's so important for us. I don't know how anyone doesn't, but when I was in Israel this summer I was stopped by random people who said thank you for referencing what we're going through because most people don't or they've forgotten. I don't know how that's possible. I don't think I'm doing anything special but I want to keep doing it. We understand what that sentence meant during the. Do we understand what the average person, by the way, the 10 million who now are looking over their shoulder on every bus they take and at every bus stop there is in, who's around them, what will happen, what's the exit plan if there's a God forbid, God forbid, what it means to live with that angst and that worry, to be terrorized by those terrorists, by that terror, but also how many more times miluim, going in, leaving family, adjusting, what these senses, so I wish there were a way to find out who's in miluim so again Wolt, which is Uber Eats in Israel, just send dinner, just send an iced coffee, just send a muffin, just send an I love you. That won't bring the husband home, that won't make Shabbos for her, but it will be I hope, I think a little pick-me-up. Okay back to the email. After one day of feeling down I said to myself and my husband Hashem will give us every child we're meant to have no more no less. I truly believed it and I was able to pick myself up in that moment. I felt like an emuna superstar. And she was. Over the last few months baruch Hashem we've heard of many family members and friends who are expecting. I've been able to feel joy for them most of the time even as we continue to wait. But recently after yet another round of waiting and another pregnancy announcement something inside me cracked. I can't fully explain it suddenly the emuna that had been sustaining me felt harder to access. I still believe Hashem will give us every child we're supposed to have but the pain of the journey feels too heavy. It has even sent me down a hole of asking why people need to suffer at all. I feel embarrassed even use the word suffering when I'm so blessed I do have. I then start to think of the mishpacha shekula on the street, of the holy almanot and yetomim of the widows and orphans and I feel even more conflicted. I know Hashem has a plan and that His perfect plan is infinitely better than our imperfect one, but the pain of waiting while watching others and seeing so much suffering is so so hard. I wish I had a stronger way to end this email, instead I'll simply say that I'm grateful for the Torah and the chizuk that's out in the world and any chizuk you can share would be deeply appreciated. If you read the emails, we were all near each other, we got in the car, it all worked out, the thing and it all was perfect and it just happened to be and my bonus check covered exactly what I needed and the then you gotta read the emails that says I'm sitting and I'm waiting and it's getting harder and harder and I'm struggling and I'm alone and I'm wondering why and it's without my husband who's still in miluim and it's while trying to avoid missiles falling on my head because Iran still wants to kill us and I'm ending it there. There's no happy end, I'm not telling you ah we got our good news, I waited and it turned out and it was okay. You gotta emuna and bitachon mean the whole picture: the good, the bad, and the ugly, the pleasurable and the unbearably painful, the feeling together and the feeling alone. It all, it all is Him and it all comes together and we have to feel and recognize and see it all. You can't pick and choose as the basis and foundation of our emuna because it has to be real and it has to be authentic and it has to be raw and it has to be looking for Him and finding Him and leaning on Him in the good and the bad. I hesitate to say bad because it's not bad, from Hashem nothing's bad. In the pleasurable and the painful. As we have quoted others as saying before, bad things don't happen to good people, painful things happen to good people. That doesn't make them less painful and it doesn't take away the question of why painful things happen to good people. But we don't characterize them as good or bad, we characterize them as pleasurable or painful in recognizing that they are all from Hashem and they're all meant to be for us. And if we wait and we wonder. And I want to say something. It would be inaccurate and inappropriate, inauthentic for me to tell the author of that email I'll give you chizuk, just keep waiting and Hashem is going to and you're going to get a positive test any day now and you're going to celebrate the birth of another... I don't know and I'm not in charge and I'm not in control. And there always is the possibility that those are the amount of children you're meant to have and maybe God forbid there isn't another. It's His plan not ours. But as we prepare to live it, we can find the joy and the satisfaction. You know, I was thinking this week, I went to a farbrengen. Chai Elul is coming up. I went to a farbrengen and I was talking to some Lubavitchers and sometimes it's lost on us how the Rebbe could solve so many other people's problems but do we remember he had no children? And we know there are few things more painful and more lonely in the world than having no children. But he somehow, and I never met him or had a conversation with him, but certainly from what we know of him, he found a way to pivot and to redefine what it means to have children. He didn't have biological children but all of Klal Yisrael were his children. He found a way to be besimcha, to find joy and happiness and purpose and meaning and fulfillment and eternity and immortality even while denied that thing that he desperately wanted that so many others take for granted they have. Of all the things that we can turn to and latch onto and draw from him, I feel like that maybe I'm wrong, but that's a little bit that's neglected. All the Rebbe stories that are told and all the brachos that he gave and all the insight that he had and all the predictions that he made that came true and the army that he built and it's all accurate and it's all true but we sometimes forget and maybe because it's the quietest and most unspoken is that he and his rebbetzin couldn't solve that problem for themselves. They didn't have children but do you know anyone in history who had more children who were still having more and more children of more people named after them or more people go visit their grave? He pivoted, he redefined what it meant to have children. He found meaning, purpose and happiness. We can't promise that that person will get married, will have children, will get the job, will get cured, will solve that problem. We can't. Emunah bittachon doesn't mean Hashem will make things work out the way I want. To the Chazon Ish, we learned this. חזון איש אמונה בטחון, go back, I don't even know what number we're up to, what part of living with emunah we're up to, but emunah bittachon of the Chazon Ish, we learned it together early on, and the Chazon Ish writes emunah bittachon do not mean Hashem makes things work out the way I want. I want this team to win the Super Bowl. I want this job. I want this girl. I want this, it's going to work out the way I want. Get into that school, that yeshiva, that seminary. That's not emunah bittachon. Who are you worshipping then? Yourself. Emunah bittachon means from my limited perspective this is what I think is best for me, for my family, and I'm going to take all the initiative I can to bring about the reality based on the way I see things as being the best. But then I surrender and concede. At that point I recognize that maybe I don't know what's best for me. Maybe I don't see the plan of what's right for me. And so whatever you bring I'll do my best, I'll take my initiative. Next week I'm participating in a panel, not next week, Sunday, a panel Jewish workshops, it's an online beautiful organization and program on this issue of the balance between initiative and faith, hishtadlus and emunah, doing it together with my friend Rabbi Chanan Gordon and Dr. Yoni Feiner, a psychologist specializes in mindfulness. The three of us a panel discussion on Jewish workshops on this online forum on this issue, the balance, the tension between the two. I hope by Sunday to figure it out because it's complicated and I'm not sure myself. But and maybe that's part of the conversation is the effort to figure it out. Hashem, I take all my initiative, I do everything I can, I pursue the route and the journey of the destination the way I see it, but I recognize all along the way that you're going to bring on detours, you're going to create traffic, you're going to close some roads and open up others, and I can't wait to be on this adventure called life and to see what you have planned. And no one can promise me and I can't promise anyone else the way things are going to go or how it's going to work out. Very quickly one or two more and then we'll get back into our learning, back to wonderful, beautiful... I don't want anyone to hesitate and not send in an email when it all worked out, which is why I want to read one more because now you're at home you're like oh I had a great thing it all worked out but I guess I can't send those. Goldberg's in a pretty bad place and he's only sharing the ones that people are in pain and it's terrible and it doesn't work out and yet you still have to say that to Hashem. No, keep sending, we're a community, it's all, it's all, it's the whole picture. Over the summer my family and I drove from Holland to England on the Eurotunnel. On the way back our GPS arrival time kept creeping up and we were worried we were going to miss our crossing from France to England. Officially you have to arrive 30 minutes before the scheduled crossing time to allow passport control. If we missed it we could get on the next available crossing with space but there was no way of knowing how long that would be. We've already been driving for five hours with three little boys in the back who were antsy to say the least. You are where you're meant to be was playing in my head the whole ride. There was nothing we could do about it. My anxiety was not going to help. I realized how much my behavior affects my children and my husband and if I was relaxed and upbeat so would they be. What's another few hours of I Spy and audiobooks? We arrived at the crossing to find out our crossing had been delayed by 30 minutes giving us exactly the right amount of time needed for passport control. Baruch Hashem, it's because of the shiurim I was able to shift my perspective and for that I thank you wishing you and your family shana tova u'mesuka. Again we're running late. Will we make it? Will it work out? What's going to happen? Will we be delayed? When will be the next time? Did that make you get there faster? You could be, to borrow a term from the younger people, freaking out in the car ride and then your kids are going to freak out, your husband's going to freak out, and it will be miserable, the atmosphere, the energy in the car, and it won't get you there any faster, and it won't make the plane take off any earlier, and it won't... or you could be calm, cool, and collected and say this is where we're along for the ride. We did everything the way we're meant to, traffic built up, we'll see what's supposed to happen, will it all work out? And in this case, not always, and I'm glad you sent it and I'm glad I read it. It worked out. They were delayed half an hour which is exactly what we needed for passport and it all worked out. So why worry? What would you have sacrificed in your relationship had you been tense all along in the meanwhile, in the meanwhile. So keep sending those emails and those too are hashgacha. And don't feel guilty or ashamed for seeing His hand in them. See His hand in everything and point it out always. Okay, we got a lot to get to now that we're starting. That was just all the introduction. Before we get back to Rav David Abuchatzeira's sefer פרק קכא in the Artscroll English page we're up to 301, 301, thank you for that. Before we get back to that, I can't help it. I left it out of yesterday's parsha class because I saved it for today's emunah shiur. Two things. We'll see if we get to both. It's a pasuk in last week's parsha. והיה אם לא תשמע בקול ה' אלוקיך. The tochachah. This week's parsha. This week's parsha Ki Tavo, like Bechukosai, has this harsh rebuke. Moshe says, here's the deal. Here's what Hashem wants from you. If you live it, life's going to be wonderful and beautiful. If you don't and you neglect it and you're disobedient of it, some bad things in store for you. So vehaya if you listen to the voice of Hashem, לשמור לעשות את כל מצוותיו וחקותיו אשר אנכי מצוך היום, fast forward, מפני רע מעלליך אשר עזבתני. And if you don't, God is going to punish you because of the bad and because asher azavtani. Translate the words: asher, because, azavtani, says God, you abandoned me. Chumash would probably say forsake me because they use some weird English words like that, but we would use the word not forsaken, I haven't heard anyone use that with each other, you would use what word? You abandoned me. Asher azavtani. You booked out, you abandoned me. Where'd you go? What happened? Says Rav Shmuel Berenbaum, the Tiferes Shmuel, the Rosh Yeshiva of the Mir Brooklyn zatzal: אף על פי שכל ביטול מצות עשה או עבירה הוא פגם גדול מאוד. Even when you neglect or abandon, when you forfeit doing a wonderful positive commandment or you violate a negative one, it's a bad thing. It's a mistake. It's disobeying God. Kemo sam hamaves. It's like consuming poison. מכל מקום עיקר התוכחה שנאמר כאן אינה העונש על עצם החטא. But Rav Shmuel Berenbaum points out, the Rosh Yeshiva points out, that God does not hold us accountable and He does not raise the particular thing you did wrong. What is He bothered by? The consequence. אינה העונש על עצם החטא או ביטול המצוה. The punishment is not because of the mistake, the particular, or the neglect of fulfilling a mitzvah. אלא עיקר התוכחה על הפועל היוצא מן החטא. It's the result. It's the consequence. And what's the result? Asher azavtani. God says, hey, where'd you go? We were working on a relationship. I felt your presence. I felt you were present. And I felt, I felt seen. And you're gone. Where'd you go? Ay, the way that you disappeared was because you did the thing I asked you not to do, or you didn't do the thing I asked you to do, but I'm not hung up on that. It's not about did you take the garbage out, did you wash the dishes, did you do the bath time, did you pick up the dry cleaning, did you react that way, did you raise your... it's not about the particular, it's about the result and the consequence of how it makes Me feel. In therapy, that is one of the core paradigms, is that a person's not entitled to say to the other person, you don't care about me, you didn't pick up the dry cleaning. What you can say is when you didn't pick up the dry cleaning, it made me feel I'm not important to you. I'm not a priority for you. That my getting what I need to operate, that we had made an agreement you were going to get done, when you didn't keep that up, it made me feel. It's not about the particular. What happens is when you try to relitigate history and you litigate the particulars, you escalate the fight instead of having the conversation that needs to happen. Hashem is not looking to litigate the particulars. He does. Rosh Hashanah, Yom Kippur, al cheit this, al cheit that, al cheit the other thing. Yes, we're accountable for the particulars. We're not entirely off the hook. The particulars, they matter. They matter to Him and they're big. But the reason that the particular matters, why does it matter whether you put the cap on the toothpaste? Why does it matter whether you put the toilet seat down? Why does it matter whether the socks made it into the hamper or next to it? It's because the socks in the hamper are such a big deal? The cap on the toothpaste is so earth-shattering? They matter, but it's not that they matter, it's what they message. It's what they mean. It's what they communicate. And Hashem is the same way. Asher azavtani. What happened? We had a moment. We had a thing. We were feeling present with one another and then you disappeared. והריחוק מהקדוש ברוך הוא גרוע יותר מעצם הסם של עבירה. And the distance, the daylight you put between you and God is worse than the particular thing you did wrong. What an amazing insight. Says Rav Shmuel Berenbaum, you see from this pasuk that Hashem is saying to us, I want a relationship. He's choosing to say to us, I don't want to get lost in my debate with of Rav Manis Friedman, God is saying, I need a relationship with you. He doesn't be'etzem need it, he's choosing to communicate that he needs it. That's how he wants to reveal and appear to us. That's an important particular. If you picked up on it, good. If you didn't, don't worry, you didn't miss anything. But Hashem is choosing to relate to us in a way that we should feel he needs and wants a relationship. And when we do something wrong, it's not about what we did wrong. It's about what we messaged about the relationship. We disappeared. We were no longer present. Where did we go? עיקר הטובה שקיים התורה והמצוות. The goal and the essence, the purpose and the mission of fulfilling Torah and mitzvot is kirvas Hashem, closeness and intimacy with the Almighty. Hashem, I could tell you anything and I feel you everywhere. And even what do we say in L'Dovid? The month of Elul all the way till the end of Sukkos, we add on an extra paragraph at the end of davening, לדוד ה׳ אורי וישעי, and we say כי אבי ואמי עזבוני וה׳ יאספני. Even when the people around me, even when it feels like my own parents have abandoned me, forsake me, they're gone, I have no one and nothing to lean on, Hashem ya'asfeni. Hashem, you're always there. Always there. No one around and no one to talk to and I'm by myself, you're always there. Always there. You're in the MRI machine with me when I can't be texting or scrolling or watching and there's no one and nothing to talk to, you're in there with me. You're everywhere. You're in the trenches. When I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, wherever I am. When my husband's on miluim and I'm going to see if the pregnancy test, you're with me. And that's what Dovid Hamelech said when he defined what's the purpose and essence, what's my mission, what am I doing this all for? V'ani—there's a beautiful relatively new song about it, maybe we'll post in tunes, somebody remind me—ואני קרבת אלהים לי טוב. If I stop you, I wake you in the middle of the night and I ask you: what's good for you? What do you want? What do you want from life? What's your mission, what's your goal, what's your purpose, what is the essence of what you want? In your kishkas, in the shoresh haneshama, what do you want? Some people say, what do I want? A bigger house, a nicer car. What do I want? Peace of mind. What do I want? Love. What do I want? To be seen. All kinds of answers people will give. And it's an interesting question. What do you want? What do you crave? What is your real essence? Dovid Hamelech said, you know my essential want? You know what drives me every day I wake up till I fall asleep? V'ani, you know what is good for me? You know what's tov? You know what I pursue? You know what I crave? You know what I chase? You know what I want? You know what for me is tov? V'ani, as for me, ואני קרבת אלהים לי טוב. I just want to feel close to him. I just want to feel close to him. I want to feel his essence, I want to feel his presence, I want to feel his love, I want to feel his care. V'ani—it's a beautiful niggun, it's a beautiful tune—ואני קרבת אלהים לי טוב. That's what it's all about. That's what it's all about. ממילא החורבן הגדול שביטול המצוות, the big churban, the destruction that results from neglecting mitzvot is the opposite of kirvas Hashem, richuk Hashem. Is not the result of feeling close, but the opposite. I'm far. I don't even know how to start the conversation. I haven't spoken to him in so long. I don't even know if he wants to hear from me. I have nothing to do with him. I haven't connected to him. And that's what Hashem wants. ואני קרבת אלהים לי טוב. And that, I'm skipping a little bit, but the reason I'm sharing it with you now is both in this week's parsha, Ki Savo, Asher azavtani, forget the details, you took out the garbage, you left the cap off the toothpaste, you can go into counseling and you can litigate and debate the details or you could talk about: I want to be close, I want to feel connected, I want to be prioritized, I want to be seen, I want to be understood, I want to be close, I want an intimate emotional connection unlike I have with anyone else. You can relitigate the details, they're important. At some point you've got to talk about it, because if you keep leaving the cap off the toothpaste, if you keep leaving the challas in the oven too long, if you keep, hypothetically, theoretically, if you keep doing that you're going to have problems. So yes, the details matter. But the details only matter once you put the frame and the boundary of the goal is kirva, is closeness. And with Hashem that's the goal. And says Rav Shmuel Birnbaum, the Rosh Yeshiva, that's why ikar hatshuva, what's the essence of teshuva? Chevre, listen, listen carefully. We mistakenly think that Elul, this time of year, is about beating ourselves up. Hashem is going to beat us up so we beat ourselves up. I have a nephew, I'm not going to tell you which side, which sibling, where, how, don't try to figure it out. He's got a brilliant strategy. His mother told me. I love it. What's his strategy? When he oversleeps and he misses minyan and he comes downstairs, he walks in a room to his mother and he says: Before you say anything, you can't be more upset at me than I am at myself. You can't be more disappointed in me than I'm disappointed in myself. I can't believe I slept in. Can't believe I missed minyan. I'm so upset. She's like, "That's brilliant." Now she's laughing. I'm like, "What am I going to say? What is she going to follow it up with? Yeah, you missed minyan, you're a bad..." Brilliant. He's brilliant, no? That kid's going places. He's brilliant. He's brilliant. He walks in the room, but before you say anything, you can't be more upset at me than I am at myself. So you might think, you know, what's the Elul strategy? Hashem, before I get to you on Rosh Hashanah Yom Kippur, you can't be more upset at me than I am at myself. You can't beat me up more than I've beat up myself. You can't make me feel more ashamed than I am ashamed myself. So what are we busy with? What are we occupied with? For this month, for these 40 days to Yom Kippur? Let's beat ourselves up. Knock ourselves down. Fill ourselves with shame. Let's focus on everything we did wrong. And that way when we get to him, we can say to him, you can't beat us up more than we beat up ourselves. We're going to change, we promise, it's going to be different. Says Rav Shmuel Berenbaum, not exactly. That is missing the boat. That is not what this is about. That is not the goal of this time of year. ושבת עד ה׳ אלוקיך. Kirvas Hashem. In that same kapitel of Tehillim, in the same L'Dovid Hashem that we're saying every day, we say, it's another tune. I'm going to put this one also in. Why when I reference a pasuk that has a song, I do it, I don't get any royalties. You can watch it on YouTube four billion times, I don't get any money. The singer does by the way and they should thank me, but I don't get any royalties. I don't get any royalties. Why do I do that? When you know what the words mean in a song that you hear, that song touches you somewhere very, very deep. And these tunes, some of these tunes, oh. And now when you're going to sing ואני קרבת אלוהים לי טוב, don't sing it in the car or while you're exercising or while you're making the new batch of challahs. Just close your eyes, just sit and sing, just be. Don't do, just be while you're listening. ואני קרבת אלוהים לי טוב. And there's another pasuk in that L'Dovid. ואני קרבת אלוהים לי טוב is not in L'Dovid, it's elsewhere. But there's another pasuk in L'Dovid, את פניך ה׳ אבקש. Hashem, my bikush, my want is I just panecha, I just want to see your face. I feel like I see your back. I feel like we're passing ships. I feel like we don't spend time. I feel like you don't get me. I just want to see your face, את פניך ה׳ אבקש. Es Panecha Hashem. I just want to see your face, I just want to feel connected. I just want to feel that just look me in the eye and tell me it's going to be okay, you're going to be by my side, tell me you have a plan, tell me this is all for a reason, tell me that it's going to work out the way you wrote it up. Es Panecha, I just want to see your face, I just want to look in your eyes, I just want to feel you looking in my eyes, את פניך ה׳ אבקש. That's what we're working on. ושבת עד ה׳ אלוקיך. So we're not beating ourselves up for the sake of knocking ourselves down and filling ourselves with shame so we can do it before he does it. What we're telling him is I want to go to therapy, I want to feel close, I want to work out whatever differences, I want to get rid of whatever daylight is there. I want to get close, I want to be close. And that's why teshuvah, lashuv is to return, v'shavta, where are we going back to? V'shavta, it doesn't say go back to your best self. Go back to, put the cap on the toothpaste. Go back to, waking up for minyan. Go back to, being pure and innocent and perfect. That's not what teshuvah's about. Teshuvah's not go back to being perfect as if you ever were there, but go back to being perfect. Teshuvah says the navi is ושבת עד ה׳ אלוקיך. Where do you return to? Being close to Hashem. קרבת אלוהים לי טוב. Says the navi Hoshea שובה ישראל עד ה׳ אלוקיך. Come back, come back to me now. That's another song. ועוד יתפלל בעל תשובה אל ה׳ למחות כעב פשעיו. That's the whole idea of ואני קרבת אלוהים לי טוב, ושבת עד ה׳ אלוקיך, the opposite of asher azavtani. Says Hashem, you should know, I didn't appreciate that you didn't make a brachah, that you didn't daven, that you violated Shabbos, that you violated kosher, that you wore shatnez, that you ich veis whatever. The details matter and there's a reason I put them in place and you're accountable if you didn't do them, but what really bothers me is asher azavtani. It feels like you walked away from me. You gave up on me. There's distance and daylight between us. Asher azavtani, it's our parshah. That's what Hashem says is the problem. Asher azavtani, that's the problem. That's the problem. What's the antidote, what's the answer to asher azavtani? ושבת עד ה׳ אלוקיך. To get close. ואני קרבת אלוהים לי טוב. The goal and the essence is closeness, is intimacy. This is not anymore than marriage is some business contract, some convenience. You take out the garbage. I shop for the ingredients, you bring in the paycheck, I put the kids to dinner. That is in some cases a functional marriage, but it's a very low-level marriage. I would never want my kids looking for that out of marriage, I don't look for that myself. Those are all details that you've got to run a home. But what's the purpose and what's the energy that fills the home? Kirva, closeness, connection, emotional intimacy, physical intimacy, affection, love. קרבת אלהים לי טוב, closeness, connection, love, intimacy, togetherness. And that's what we're looking for from Hashem. Yeah, the details, they're important because He gave them to us for how to navigate this world. It's the instruction manual, it's the blueprint. Don't try to figure it out on yourself. Don't be that pompous arrogant guy who throws the instructions on the side and says I know how to build this and only figures out at step 700 that you missed a screw or you put the panel on the wrong one and now you're in trouble. That's how most of us live our lives by the way. Hashem, your manual, I know how to live life, I know how to get the best out of life, I know how to find happiness in life, until we miss a step and we realize we're getting it all wrong and sometimes it's too late and we gotta rebuild the whole thing from start, from the scratch. Hashem says take my instruction manual so the details matter because the details are the instruction manual for us, not for him, how to navigate this life. But the purpose of all the details: Kirvas Elokim, feel close, feel connected, it's what it's all about. So I'll tell you one more point before we turn off the stream and the recording and go to our live question and answer. You have to be here in person. You only get the coffee if you're in person. You only get the slushy if you're in person. Please God we're going to add when the weather changes soup when you're in person and other kinds of things to our Reb Shayala Corner very excited. You only get those in person. We only nourish your body in person and you can only nourish your soul in the questions and answers in person. But one more quick thought also because of our parsha. In the Tochacha Hashem says, you know why I'm bringing this all upon you? You know where you went wrong? Asher azavtani, you created a daylight between us. But how did you create the daylight between us? תחת אשר לא עבדת ה' אלהיך בשמחה ובטוב לבב. You know why? Because you weren't happy. You had so much to be happy about and you walked around miserable, farbissen and negative, resentful, angry, pessimistic. Where's your happiness, where's your joy, where's your simcha, where's your smile? That's what it's all about. I mentioned yesterday in the parsha shiur. Chasam Sofer says, a boy turns a bar mitzvah, a girl turns a bas mitzvah, when the clock strikes tzais hakochavim, three stars are out on their Hebrew birthday, they become a gadol. What's the first mitzvah they should do? Some say Shema, קבלת עול מלכות שמים, state that you believe in God. Others say learn Torah. Others say, Chasam Sofer says, the first mitzvah you should do is smile. Be happy. Isn't that a beautiful thing to tell a child? The first mitzvah they should do is not you're a gadol, be nervous. You're a gadol, be nervous. It's on your shoulders and anything you get wrong is now on you and you have to learn all day and do chesed all day and don't get it all wrong, don't ever gossip, no lashon hara, don't ever forget a bracha. We're going to make you neurotic and nervous and miserable. Welcome to adulthood. Chasam Sofer says the opposite. You became an adult, oh, you're a gadol, you have maturity, smile. Isn't the world beautiful? Isn't Hashem amazing? Isn't life fantastic? Isn't there so much to be happy about? The first mitzvah, where does it say there's a mitzvah? Our parsha. Hashem says תחת אשר לא עבדת. Many sources are offered, many answers. Tachas. Why is that word tachas? Because you could have said biglal, ki, there's so many words you could have used for that the Tochacha comes because you weren't happy. Yeah, checklist, yeah, you heard the shofar, yeah, you lifted the lulav, yeah, you sat in the sukkah, yeah, you lit the candles, yeah, you put on the tefillin, yeah, you kept the laws, but you did it miserably. You didn't do it with a smile. You didn't do it with any happiness. That's such a big thing? That's such a big thing? Like Hashem, I did all the right things. What's your problem? What's your problem? Why do you have to make an issue? I did all the right things, I followed your checklist. Check, check, check, check. Come on, like you care: smile, happy, sad, why does it matter? Says Rav Avraham Schorr and there's so much more to say on this, we'll expand another time. Says Rav Avraham Schorr Shlit"a, why the word tachas? תחת אשר לא עבדת ה' אלהיך בשמחה ובטוב לבב means there's something under the fact that you weren't happy. Tachas means underneath. What's underneath the fact that you didn't have the simcha? You know what's underneath the fact that you didn't have the simcha? Because you're not living with emuna u'bitachon. Because if you're living with emuna u'bitachon, a person who has no faith and feels it's all up to them, they're miserable. A person who feels they're a victim of chance and randomness, then they're miserable because I don't know what chance is going to bring. I don't know what's going to happen. Am I going to be the statistic? So many people statistically are going to get that disease. So am I next? So many people statistically get in a car accident. So many people statistically have this, so am I just a victim of randomness and chance? So I'm gonna be miserable, walking around with misery. And it's all up to me and the outcome is all going to be on me and I'm going to be the blame or I'm going to get the credit or I'm going to be this, I'm going to be that. If there's no God in your life, then you're filled with nervousness and misery, negativity and pessimism. But when you live life with emuna and bitachon, which is what we learn every single week, what Shabbos Shuva's going to be all about, ego is the enemy, the difference between a life with ego or with emuna, it's what Shabbos Shuva's all about, is the difference between happiness or misery. The people with the most emuna they live with joy, even in the ICU, even on the unemployment line, even in the MRI machine. They can find the joy because they live with the certainty and the confidence, with the clarity that I don't know how this turns out, and I'm continuing to take all my initiative, but it's up to Hashem. And this is His world and I'm on His ride, and therefore I can put down this heavy package and let go and enjoy the ride. So Tachas is such a beautiful pshat. תחת אשר לא עבדת את ה' אלהיך בשמחה. Really Hashem? I do all the right things but I didn't do with joy, and for that You hold me accountable and You visit a tochacha upon me? Where does it say that simcha's so important? So in this answer he says it doesn't say it. It's the fact that what's underneath Tachas, what's underneath the fact that you struggle, that you have no simcha, you have no smile, you have no joy, what's underneath that is you don't see Hashem, you're not living with Hashem. I'm not talking about a person who's getting up from aveilus, who's suffering from grief, I'm not talking about a person who experiences chronic, enormous physical, emotional, spiritual pain. We're not talking about such people. Talking about the average one of us who woke up this morning with whatever aches and pains, whatever problems or challenges, minor, we have. Why aren't we smiling? Where's our joy for life? Where's our happiness? Where's our faith, where's our thank You Hashem? Thank You. Thank You for the gifts I won't take for granted. Thank for the beauty and the good things. Thank You, there's so much to be grateful about, so much to be thankful for. Okay, that particular thing we're going to work on that and I'm going to ask for Your help, 'cause that particular thing I'm not so grateful about. But even with that detail, that nekuda, zoom out the lens and look at the big picture and see more broadly and there's so much to say thank You. When you live life in vivid color with Hashem, so you live besimcha. And if there's no Hashem, then I would also be a nervous wreck. I would also be an anxious cholerya. I would also be angry and arrogant and envious and miserable and farbissener. When you live with Hashem, it's all good. Baruch Hashem. That's also in our parsha, the farmer brings the bikkurim and vesamachta. How can you find happiness? Who says you should be happy? Why should I be happy? You walk out of here and you said, Goldberg said you gotta be happy, that was the emes, yasher koach. Was that worth the slushy? I don't know. Be happy, but I'm not happy. Look at all the things, why should I be happy? Who says I should be happy? Where's my reason to be happy? So the parsha says vesamachta, you know why you should be happy? Vesamachta bechol hatov, because there's a lot of good. Your knees and your hips are working, your eyes and your ears are working, there's a little money in the bank account, you had what to eat last night and today, the head count in your home is the same as it was, bechol hatov, there's a lot of good. There's a lot of reason to be happy. Vesamachta bechol hatov. Look at what's there, not what's missing. Vesamachta bechol hatov. There is a lot of good and a lot of reason to be happy. We daven for בשורות טובות ישועות ונחמות, should be a day filled with good news for Klal Yisrael and for each and every one of us. And now we turn off the recording and stream, but please stay for approximately 10-15 minutes of live question and answer.
