Transcript
Good morning, Boker Tov, welcome back to Living with Emuna. So good to see everyone and glad we are together to continue to work on, to learn about, to challenge each other, to give chizuk, to strengthen each other in our Living with Emuna. Our series is generously sponsored by our friends Avi and Bella Morgan and we’re so grateful for them to continuing their generous sponsorship in memory of Rabbi Dr. Brian Galbut and in memory of Bella’s mother Dr. Ellen Chanzer, in honor of all of our soldiers in the merit that the hostages come home. Today’s shiur is also sponsored by Avi Greenlinger in honor of the birthday of Sarah Bas Yehuda and Tzipora Devorah, wife, mother, and Bubby, whose life is an example of emuna and bitachon. And I want to dedicate our shiur this morning as well to two losses our community sustained just over the last few days of exceptional women of emuna and bitachon and their families who fought valiantly to the very end, our dear friend Dina Borzak, Alaha Sholom, and Miriam Blackman, who were really each in their own way and in their own right carried themselves with tremendous emuna and dignity and fought valiantly till the end, each young, horrific, irreplaceable losses very much on our mind, but we continue to be inspired and draw lessons from the way that they lived and also from the way that they left this world, which is even a lot harder. Okay, we’ll share a few emails as we always do, even though I’m tempted to spend our entire time doing it. It’s a much better shiur than I can ever give, are the emails that come in, but then we’ll continue back in the text that we were learning. Good afternoon, Rabbi. And as I read the emails now, you can have fun deciding which chapter they go in in the book. Do they fit into the airplane? Do they fit into the unlikely meetups in other countries? Do they fit into the, you know, which section? Good afternoon, Rabbi. I just arrived at Yeshiva three days ago and I didn’t really know what to think of the next five years that lay ahead of me. I was hanging out with some of the Americans in the other program and was trying to grab my sforim when one of them was really eager to go to the Kotel. Not having too much time, we all agreed and rushed down. On our way out, after our quick stop, on the corner of my eye, I saw you and I had to come over. It was amazing to meet you again. And just three days after this happened, I realized the hashgacha from the story and realized I truly am where I meant to be, B'ezras Hashem. Thank you for the picture and for the Torah. It files under the, I have to travel just so I could run into people and to have fun, just so we have more entries for that chapter of our book. Okay, next email. I was on the way to the airport to pick up my sister. There’s ongoing construction, so it’s not so simple to get there. I was following my GPS instead of the signs, amateur hour. I missed the turn and had to go all the way around a 15-minute detour. I don’t know which city this is in, but I saw a great meme that’s appropriate for Elul. Someone sent a great meme, it was a quote, it said, "Always be working on yourself," signed the Van Wyck. Always be working on yourself, signed the Van Wyck. I grew up in Teaneck. I dated and married a girl from Long Island, and the 28 years of our marriage, I don’t remember one minute where there has not been work on the Van Wyck. The Van Wyck has been working on itself ever since I met it. So always be working on yourself, just like the Van Wyck. In any case, back to the letter. I don’t know which city this is in. I missed the turn, had to go all the way around a 15-minute detour. My son was with me and was commenting on the additional time we had to spend driving. I told him we are where we’re meant to be. We finally get to the airport, my sister gets in the car and begins to tell me how it’s such hashgacha pratis we came when we did, because she met someone in the airport, needed help and was using her phone to call people. I turned to my son and said, "That’s why we were delayed." Felt like a wink from Hashem. Even though it wasn’t me, it was helped, it was very cool to see it all play out. Because it was an important airport story, I knew I had to share it. So there you go for that chapter in the book, "Embrace Your Place." But again, life’s an adventure. So when you miss the turn and now you have a 15-minute detour, you could be miserable, frustrated, slam your head against the steering wheel, lose your cool, get angry, be frustrated with the people in the car who didn’t help you find the right—or you could say, "I was meant to miss the turn. Now let’s find out why." I’m so curious. I hope we’ll discover, maybe we will, maybe we won't. Let’s find out why. And when you do find out why, you say, "Oh, a little hug, a little wink from Hashem." That’s why it had to happen. Hi, Rabbi Goldberg. We all know this week, the week between camp and school, can be difficult for parents. My daughter had to return to her teaching job before her kids, for certain schools, so I offered to take my six-year-old grandson for the day. We live on Long Island and the activity I planned was in Brooklyn. We set off expecting a relatively short ride based on the time of the day, but ran into construction on the way. It ended up taking double the amount of time to get there. And then the author of the email writes, "Don't make..." I went to New York yesterday for three hours to pay shiva call. It also was from Long Island to Brooklyn and to get around the corner in Brooklyn I would never I'm not going to do it. It's Elul. My grandson was getting antsy on the way so I kept telling him this is where we're supposed to be and Hashem wants us in this exact place at this exact moment. He thought it was pretty cool that Hashem cared where we were and the rest of the drive was pleasant. We finally pulled up to our destination at 12:29 and it turns out alternate side parking for that day was over at 12:30. We ended up with an amazing parking spot which was a miracle itself in Brooklyn. I told my grandson that's why Hashem put us in traffic jam. Otherwise we'd be circling forever and could have parked a half mile away. I was proud of myself for being calm in that situation, for using it as a teaching moment for my grandson. I'm getting better with my bitachon in these smaller things but I'm not quite there yet with the bigger things like the shidduch for my daughter an email for another time. I hope I strengthen myself these types of things can strengthen in bigger challenges as well. Thank you blah blah blah yada yada yada. I hope to have many more shabbos stories. Again you're delayed traffic why didn't we leave earlier why didn't we take another route. No this is where I'm meant to be. I took my initiative nothing for me to learn from the moment. Now embrace your place sit back and wait and figure out why you are there. Rabbi Goldberg I'm writing to strengthen and record my experience in hopes it will strengthen my own emuna. You often talk about the numerous stories of emuna sitting in the back of the Uber. It's another chapter. I'm not I'm not sure you've ever received one from the front of an Uber. That's right I was driving Uber. I'm between jobs now I've been part of two layoffs in two years. I've been unemployed for a full year now I've had good jobs good companies but the market's changed and it's tough to find my way in. I've had to borrow thousands of dollars from family in order to pay basic expenses and yeshiva tuition it's a horrible feeling. I've sent thousands of resumes it's hard in the industry I'm in right now. Sometimes I question not one company can hire me? But I try to have emuna and say this is all part of the journey and everything is good. I've listened to your shiurim in my earpiece while driving passengers all over. There's no better journey of emuna like driving Uber. You're called to different places and sent different places and your earnings are predetermined. You're always where you're supposed to be. Nevertheless it's hard to feel bad about myself that I'm doing this work it's really really hard to keep the emuna. Rewind five years ago I remember crying to Hashem on Yom Kippur finding out that my wife wanted to end our marriage. I remember crying for my children who didn't know what was about to hit them I was worried about what would happen. It was a challenging journey. The opportunity to drive from far away gave me time to listen to new podcasts talking about one of his children so in addition to just listening to the parsha shiur I added the emuna shiur. I don't know if you know I also give a parsha shiur. I know the emuna groupies. Baruch Hashem we have a lot of shiurim. So I invite I encourage you to listen to the parsha shiur and the Turn Friday into Erev Shabbos shiur and many of the other shiurim. The shiurim among other things help me incorporate statements of bitachon and emuna into my life. I got remarried Baruch Hashem and together we speak about emuna constantly. Life has gotten much better and Hashem has performed amazing miracles for my children. One is extremely active on campus pro-Israel activities while she could be closer to her mitzvos she has a connection my other children are doing other things I don't want to give away too many details. While I'm trying to launch my own company do other projects I drive for Uber to earn income so here I am driving Uber listening to your shiurim strengthening my emuna while trying to let my self-esteem not get too low. It was a tough month between shiurim on break no music before Tisha B'av and listening to the Yankee games during a terrible slump. Oy nebach. I can feel that pain I feel it. I already wrote them off I don't even check anymore the rest of this year written off done. Baruch Hashem. They say they say Rav Scheinberg I think made a kiddush when he finally didn't care when he heard what the results were of a Yankee game. I'm getting close to that kiddush. Mattai? I'm close. This week I was driving Uber with a passenger on a busy road another driver made a left turn right in front of my car leaving me no time to react I smashed right into the car and spun around. All the airbags deployed people ran to help us it was really bad accident. The person in the other car my passenger and I all walked away without a scratch. Nothing short of a miracle. Could have been the end. Hashem hugged me close and kept me safe I felt it as the car spun. Emuna is not a state of being it's a constant journey. We don't know where we'll be taken but we need to see life through the lens of emuna. We must constantly utter statements of emuna for others to strengthen their emuna. He'emanti ki adaber. That's what we say all the time that emuna is not like every other mitzvah. Every other mitzvah that's why there's a whole discussion do you even count it as one of the taryag mitzvos is it counted among the 613 or is it the prerequisite of the 613? If you go back and one day we'll have an index you'll know that we spoke about this several hundred shiurim ago is emuna a mitzvah? Shofar is a mitzvah. In a few weeks we're going to hear the shofar. Guess what? If you went to shul and you heard the shofar, check, done, enjoy the rest of Rosh Hashanah, you were yotzei, you fulfilled the mitzvah, you heard the shofar. So do you say I said Shma this morning? I covered my eyes and I said Hashem, you're one, you exist, I love you. Check, I'm done with Emuna for the day. It's not like a mitzvah that you're done for the day. Emuna is not a mitzvah that you fulfill or discharge, Emuna is a way of being, Emuna is a relationship. You don't turn to your spouse and say: Good morning, I love you, I'm yotzei for the day. We don't need to talk again today, I don't need to express affection again today, I don't need to tell you how I feel about you today, I don't have to thank you. Imagine you wake up in the morning and you say: Good morning, please, thank you, I'm sorry, I love you. So why'd you say that? I just covered the whole day. I don't know what will happen today between us, but please, thank you, I'm sorry, and I love you, we should be good to go. So later something happens in the day and you say: You can't say you're sorry? Or you don't say thank you? Or I love you. You didn't say I love you back. What do you mean, I said it this morning, I was done for the day. I covered it for the whole day. What kind of a marriage would that be? What kind of a relationship would you have? That's not how relationships go, and that's not Emuna. Emuna is a relationship, an ongoing, dynamic, vibrant, real relationship with Hashem. While we were away, we lost Mr. Senders. 101 years old, unbelievable Mr. Senders, a staple of our community, a pillar of our community. We didn't get a chance, I didn't get a chance to publicly really grieve and mourn. He was a fixture at our Shabbos table for many years until Covid, after his wonderful wife passed away. Mr. Senders—other people talk about God. Mr. Senders had a lifetime conversation with God. He was in a conversation with Him. As he got older and his hearing wasn't as good as it once was, he would daven louder probably than he intended, and he sat right near me towards the front of shul. And not only did you hear him say the words of Shmoneh Esrei out loud, but in each bracha he had something else to say to God, and you heard that part out loud as well. And I always felt guilty and I felt bad and I tried to not listen, and I certainly wasn't eavesdropping on what it was he was asking for from Hashem each and every day. But I'll tell you this, it wasn't lip service and it wasn't imagination; he was in a real conversation with Hashem. Dynamic, vibrant, real, legit. Not as if Hashem is his best friend, not as if Hashem was right in front of him—he was talking to Hashem right in front of him. Other people, some in this room might be part of the society who fear, they don't wash because they don't want to bench. So they do everything that they can to avoid eating bread. I don't want to have to bench, I have to find a bencher, I have to bench, I have to concentrate—benching. I avoid benching, so I don't wash. They hide behind that they're gluten-free and they're trying to lose weight, but really it's just a fear of washing and a fear of benching. Mr. Senders every day ate bread. Most people bench because they ate bread; he used to eat bread so he could bench. He would only eat a bite, he wouldn't eat. I, one of the reasons I don't wash is because I can't stop. Once I take that bite, I'm going to have three bagels, not one. I'm going to make my way through the whole pie of pizza, not just the slice. I don't have control, so I can't wash. Mr. Senders would just take a bite, he'd eat enough that he could bench, but he ate so he could bench, he didn't bench because he ate. There are people, they have this ongoing, dynamic, real conversation. So Emuna is not like shofar. Emuna is not like tefillin; I put my tefillin on this morning, I'm good to go. Emuna is a relationship, an ongoing conversation, a vibrant, dynamic, energized conversation that's ongoing. So you're not done for the day, it keeps going. It's a lens through which we see the world. I know the shiur is in memory of Brian Galbut. I didn't know him too well, but I knew the family. I remember when he was first diagnosed seeing him in shul Friday night with his father who was keeping him balanced as he walked and stood up for parts of davening; he had a big smile, was so happy and grateful to be in shul. For some reason, this memory is one that is so ingrained in my mind. I miss shul for things much less serious than brain surgery, and nobody would have judged him for davening at home. He was there and he was there with a smile, and that story lives in my mind and often gives me inspiration. We need to look at the wins. This is written by an Uber driver between jobs. We need to look at the wins and recognize the miracles that Hashem does for us and bless Him for the chesed He does. As you say, no tombstone ever had the amount of followers you have or how many zeros were in your bank account. When it will be my time, after hopefully many years, I know I won't be thinking about that I had to drive Uber or the year I was out of work; I'll think about my relationships and the way I can positively influence others. Even though it's hard, I know I need to strengthen my Emuna and look at the challenges as steps of a journey and process. Thank you for spreading the message, yada yada, blah blah blah, thank you very much. Okay, those are our emails for today. There are more, but for today that's it. So we're learning Emuna Bitachon, the book of Rav Dovid. *Abuhatzeira*, we're at the last chapter, which is עבודת השם דווקא מהמצב שנמצא בו עכשיו, if you're following the ArtScroll translation, I don't have it in front of me, but it is the last chapter in that book as well. But before we dive back into the text, I want to just tell you because it jumped out at me this last week from the *parsha*. It doesn't matter if you're *Parshas Shoftim* or now *Parshas Ki Seitzei*, whenever you're listening to this, whenever Spotify made the *shidduch* for you to find this episode, it's relevant. It's a *pasuk*: תמים תהיה עם השם אלקיך. The *Torah* tells us: תמים תהיה עם השם אלקיך. *Tamim*. What does it mean to be *tamim*? It is to be temimistic. What does it mean to be temimistic? I have a daughter *Temima*, and she is temimistic *kishmo kachi*. What does it mean to be temimistic? *Edel*, innocent, wholesome, pure, pure. To be *tamim*. Not simple like the *tam*, one of the four sons at the *Seder*, not in a negative, derogatory way, simple that we would judge or dismiss, but to be simple in the sense that to simply see *Hashem*, to simply choose happiness in life, to simply live in a wholesome way, to be easy, not high maintenance, to be simple, and to be wholesome, and to be temimistic. So is that what the *Torah* is telling us? תמים תהיה עם השם אלקיך. Be temimistic. Be more like my *Temima*. That's I agree with that *mitzvah*, be a lot more like my *Temima*. *Tamim tihiyeh*, be *tamim*. What does it mean? So *Rashi* says: *tamim* means, this is not in front of you, it's not in the text that we're learning, I'm telling you a little extra, a little bonus outside *devar Torah*. Says *Rashi*: *Hishalech imo bitemimus*. When you walk with God in that ongoing relationship with him, let it be *bitemimus*. *Vetitzapeh lo*, and look forward, and look and journey and yearn for him. ולא תחקור אחר עתידות. Don't investigate the future. אלא כל מה שיבוא עליך קבל בתמימות. Whatever happens to you, receive and accept and live simply, in a wholesome, innocent, full way. ואז תהיה עמו ולחלקו. And then you will be with him and you'll be part of God, God will be part of you. That's *Rashi*. To summarize: ולא תחקור אחר עתידות. Says *Rashi*, the *mitzvah* of *tamim tihiyeh* means do not be obsessed, do not perseverate on the future. What's going to be? Don't ever start sentences with 'I'm worried about'. I'm worried. What's going to happen? What's going to be? Will the plane take off on time? Will the *Bar Mitzvah* boy perform? Will this work out? Will she get married? Will there be... what will be? I'm worried. What's going to be? How will it work out? What's going to happen? ולא תחקור אחר עתידות. Stop. You can control yourself. You can regulate yourself. Don't act as if you're not in control. All these thoughts, they knock. But just as someone knocks on a home and you look at your Ring doorbell and decide whether you're letting them in or not, when those thoughts knock, and you don't have to look at your Ring doorbell of your mind, you can choose whether to let them in or not. We act like victims. We act like these passive spectator victims to our thoughts. You don't understand, Rabbi. You don't understand. I can't help it. When I'm falling asleep, it's all I think about. In the shower, it's all I think about. While I *daven*, these intrusive thoughts come in. I can't help it. Now again, I'm not talking about when it rises to a clinical level, ever. I'm not judging, God forbid. A person needs support, sometimes chemical intervention when it rises to the level of thoughts that are intrusive. I'm talking about the average everyday all of us. Those intrusive thoughts come and they knock, and there is a moment in which we decide and determine: am I letting them in or am I shutting them out and locking that door and telling them 'Go somewhere else, you're not welcome here'? Don't forfeit or concede, don't surrender control of the doorknob and the lock. Don't be a victim and don't think that they come in and there's nothing you can do. It's not true. It's not true. Sometimes you have to honor them for a moment. Yes, I'm a little bit nervous. Yes, I have some angst and anxiety of what will be. Yes, I'm human and that's reasonable. Now, get out. There's the door. Even if they snuck in, even if you let them in because you're kind and you can't help it, so you opened the door a crack and they tried to sneak in. No. Shove them out, close the door, lock the door, get lost. I honored you for a moment, I heard you out for a moment, I felt your presence for a moment and now find somewhere else. ולא תחקור אחר עתידות. Do not forfeit the present by being lost in worry and angst over a future that's not yet here, over which you don't yet have control, and over which you're never in charge because everything will happen from *Hashem*. The only dimension and the only place in which we live is the present. The present. How many people are forfeiting the present because they're worried and anxious and concerned about a future that's not yet here? The only dimension we live in is the present. Take our initiative. Ah, the future impacts the present. Don't spend all your money now saying, "Ah, we'll figure out the future when we get there," and you'll have nothing left for retirement. Of course you have to act responsibly in the present for the future. Don't eat whatever you want, whenever you want, in whatever amounts, because you say, "Ah, the future, Hashem will make me healthy." We have to think about our future self. Maybe we'll talk about that tonight. Tonight is the first of our three-part shul series on construction. Get it? What's happening? Constructing ourselves. So my slot, my talk tonight at 8 o'clock is about you have to have a blueprint. You have to have a plan. The contractors didn't show up at BRS with bulldozers and cranes and then said, "Okay, what should we do? Let's try this. We'll move the dirt around over here." There's a blueprint. In fact, it amazes me every time I see or I walk outside, how do you know exactly to put the pipe? It's like a whole empty field that you leveled. How did you know exactly over here? That's why they do what they do and I do what I do. They're looking at a blueprint and they're measuring and drones and underground and overground and they know exactly how to construct. And you know what? There'll be a finished product and it'll match exactly the blueprint. Why? Because they started out with a blueprint. We can't get to our future best self if we don't have the blueprint of where we want to go. What's your blueprint this Elul? I'm giving you a little preview of tonight, 8 o'clock, and we are streaming it online as well, and it'll be placed there. How can you get where you want to go if you don't have a blueprint? How can you get where you want to go if you haven't mapped it out? You have to know where you want to go if you're going to get there. And that's what we're going to talk about. That's what we're going to talk about tonight. So of course you have to be aware of and mindful of and think about and plan for your future self. Your future self. Your future self in your mental health, your physical health, your spiritual self. Your future self in your financial health. There are a million ways to think about our future self. But why? Not to be filled with worry, angst, anxiety, nervousness, envy. No. Think about your future self because it'll inform your present self. What should I do today to get to where I want to go tomorrow? But it's all about today, my present self. אל תשתקע אחר העתידות. The Piaseczner Rebbe, רב קלונימוס קלמן שפירא, Hashem yikom damo, the Rav of the Warsaw Ghetto who was brutally murdered, he and his family, by the Nazis, the heilege Esh Kodesh, the holy Esh Kodesh, in the middle of the war, in the middle of the Warsaw Ghetto, got up and gave a drasha and he talked about this pasuk, תמים תהיה עם ה' אלקיך. He was speaking to a group of skeletons who had lost their families and looked outside as corpses lined the street, the Warsaw Ghetto, and he said to them, תמים תהיה עם ה' אלקיך. We're here right now and all we have is right now. And don't think about and worry about a future that's not yet here. Accept it and receive it be-temimut. We walk with Hashem. All we have is right now is this dimension. And he said a phenomenal pshat. תמים תהיה עם ה' אלקיך, which we normally translate and understand to mean, by the way, it has halachic ramifications. As Jews, we don't look at horoscopes. Skip that page, rip out that page, throw out that page, wrap your fish in that page. We don't read the horoscope. We don't read the horoscope. It's silly. It's narishkeit. It's nonsense. Jews don't read horoscopes. No horoscope, no publisher, nobody who wrote the horoscope can tell you what's going to happen. I don't care which month you were born in, I don't care what constellation you were born under, I don't care what the horoscope says. It's nonsense. It's silliness. It's narishkeit. We don't read horoscopes. We don't go to psychics who look at our palm and read our palm and tell us everything that's going to happen and what's going to be. We don't go to people looking at a crystal ball. Torah says we left all that behind in Mitzrayim. Egypt was a place of silly superstition. Hashem took us out and he said, תמים תהיה עם ה' אלקיך. All you've got now is me. You walk with me. Don't worry, don't plan, don't—forget that silliness. Those are illusions, that silliness, it's narishkeit. תמים תהיה עם ה' אלקיך. No, no, what's her name? Dionne Warwick, the Psychic Friends Network. No Psychic Friends Network, no horoscope, no silly superstitions. That's not us. That's not who we're supposed to be. In the Warsaw Ghetto, the Piaseczner Rebbe looked and he said, תמים תהיה עם ה' אלקיך. Here's the teitch, here's the pshat. Here's what the pasuk means. You ready? im Hashem elokecha, you want to be a person who walks with God, then tamim tihiyeh. It's not תמים תהיה עם ה' אלקיך. We ordinarily translate the verse to mean walk wholeheartedly and innocently and fully with God. Walk with God, don't worry about this silly superstition. Don't worry what Exactly what's meant to be. That's what's going to be. You do your part, you put in your practice, you got ready for the big day, you took your initiative, you went through your checklist to prepare, you do your part and then let go and let God. תמים תהיה עם ה' אלקיך. Tamim tihiyeh is the let go, Im Hashem Elokecha is the let God. That's how we normally understand the pasuk. Said the Piaseczna Rebbe, no, here's what it means. Im Hashem Elokecha, you want to be somebody who's with God, you want to be a person who qualifies to be called living with God, living with emunah, you want to be in a relationship Im Hashem Elokecha, Tamim tihiyeh. Then be tamim, be in the moment, live the present, let go and stop worrying about the future. Im Hashem Elokecha. If I have to relate it not exactly in a mashal, if I have to give you a metaphor for it or a parable, it's marriage. Sometimes a spouse asks the other spouse, can you take care of this? And they said, I got it. And now all they keep doing is, did you take care of it? What if you don't take care of it? Are you going to take care of it? I'm nervous you're not going to take care of it. Will you take care of it? The spouse says, you are destroying our time together. I told you I got it, I'm going to take care of it. I have a history and pattern of when I say I'll take care of it, I take care of it. You're mutchering me and bothering me and chasing me and driving me crazy is actually destroying our time together and our relationship in the present. Your fear about our future and whether I'll perform is destroying our present together. It's destroying it. I don't want to be around you or with you because all you're doing is asking me and challenging me and worrying about me of whether I'm going to get done what you said to get done. I told you, I got it. Take it to the bank. It's as good as done. I told you I've got it. Now we can enjoy. So if im, if you want to be with me in the present, have a wonderful time, then Tamim tihiyeh. When I say I've got it, let it go. Move on. Now let's enjoy each other's company. So Ribbono Shel Olam says, Im Hashem Elokecha, you want me around? You want to feel close to me? You want to feel my presence? You want to be a person who lives with emunah? Then Tamim tihiyeh. Stop asking me, God, but what's going to be? And what's going to happen? And will you come through? And will it work out? I told you, says God, I got it. I got it. I don't necessarily got it in the way you'll be happy, but I got it for your best. Doesn't he want us to keep davening though? No one said don't keep davening. We keep davening about our present, make this person healthier, help this person have a livelihood, help this person find the shidduch. There's a difference between saying help this person or help me find my shidduch. We're still working on a separate emunah shiur for shidduchim. Although I went to see the Munkatcher Rebbe, our chevra met, and when I mentioned I had a daughter in shidduchim, he said you have a daughter in shidduch. She only needs one. Don't say in shidduchim. You only need one. He encouraged us to change the whole language and the lingo. I'm not in shidduchim. You only need one, you're in shidduch, not in shidduchim. That's what he told me. So it's a whole separate series. But one can daven Hashem, please help me find my shidduch. I want to be together, I want the companionship, I want the love, I'm ready to love and be loved, I want to build my life and my family. But Hashem, now that I've asked you, I let go and I'm in your hands. I don't say when and what will be and will it happen and what will he look like and how tall will he be and what does his father do for a living and what is his yichus and does he wear this kind of yarmulke and what will happen and what will the wedding be and what? No, I asked because that's what we do to connect to our, that's what we do. In my mashal with the husband, it's okay to ask, can you take care of X? But when he says I got it, now you let go and enjoy each other's company. Go for the ride. So Hashem says please ask me, I want you to ask me, I want you to recognize it comes from me, but once you've asked me, now let's enjoy each other's company. Let go and enjoy the ride. So the Piaseczna gives a whole other understanding of this pasuk. If you want to be Im Hashem Elokecha, Tamim tihiyeh. Don't be lachkor achar asidos. Don't sit and perseverate and ask and worry and wonder what's going to be, will it work out, how's it going to go? Don't be lachkor achar asidos. Live in the present. In the present be aware of and plan for the future, live a present that's going to give us our best future self, but we're in the present. Don't forfeit and concede, don't surrender and lose the present. Don't ruin your present because of a future which, by the way, applies to shidduchim as well. How many people because they're stuck waiting and wanting, all legitimate, don't live in the present? Embrace your present. Your life is not defined by your marital status. And while you're waiting for it to be married, live a rich, full, beautiful life. Don't only be defined by that one factor. But how many people because they're obsessed and focused exclusively on that one factor are forfeiting the rest of their whole present? Present. So they don't have that job and they don't sit or volunteer on that committee and they don't go out with their friends and they don't travel and see a world and they don't take the benefits of while they're still single, they're forfeiting the present because they're so fixated on what's going to be in that future. I'm not saying don't date. I'm not saying don't network. I'm not saying don't ask Hashem. Take the initiative and do those things and now live and lean into a beautiful, beautiful present. If you want to be im Hashem Elokecha, then tamim tihiyeh. Be present and embrace and be tamim, be wholesome and simply live a life of emunah. Be connected and be living a life where you're not focused and fixated on what will be and how it will work out and what's going to turn out. I've taken my initiative. I did my part. I did the best I could be and now I let go. Tamim tihiyeh and im Hashem Elokecha, I let God and I take it from there. Okay, back to our text. Back to our text. Page Kuf-Kaf-Alef in the Hebrew edition אמונה וביטחון רב דוד אבוחצירא. I think we posted pages for those who are following online. But buy the sefer in the Hebrew or the English. So we're in the left-hand column, this chapter is called עבודת השם דווקא מהמצב שנמצא בו עכשיו. The reason that we just learned that is because it connects exactly to what we were learning. We last left off last week, the heilige Chidushei Harim, אם לא עכשיו אימתי. And I got beautiful emails about this, including from a couple who were deciding should they have another child or not have another child, and last week's shiur im lo, if not now when, helped them with their thinking. Again, I didn't say anything, that's Avos. That's Pirkei Avos, that's our heilige Tannaim, but and and they have to still make their decision. Don't make any life decisions because you listen to a podcast on Emuna. In case that's not clear and obvious. Don't make any life decisions because you heard a podcast. You still have to think it through and talk to your Rabbeim, and as we spoke about on Shabbos, מרבה עצה מרבה תבונה, the more guidance and the more wisdom and the more advice you seek, the smarter you become. So don't make life decisions because even if you heard Living with Emuna, even Living with Emuna, don't make life decisions. But we saw that our mission and our purpose is whatever moment we're in. That's why it's connected to tamim tihiyeh. Im Hashem Elokecha, maybe it's another pshat. Tamim tihiyeh, how can you live fully, how can you be tamim with whatever moment you're in? By living it im Hashem Elokecha. What does Hashem want from you right now? What am I meant to respond or say, where am I meant to go or do, what do I have to do right now? Be tamim, be simple im Hashem Elokecha by asking, what is my mission in this moment? What is my mission in this moment? We live in a world that's moving so fast and so quickly with such long to-do lists, and sometimes we have to slow it down. Slow it down to simply ask ourselves, what's my mission in this moment? What's my mission in this moment? That's what he said, tikun harega. How do I repair and how do I fix and how do I take this moment? We saw from Reb Moshe miKobrin, al tomar k’she’epaneh, don't say when my mind is free, when I have no worries. I was going to bring in that excerpt from 4,000 Weeks, I have to bring in that excerpt because this was the antidote to that author I mentioned last week. I forgot to bring in that book and that excerpt. But Reb Moshe miKobrin said don't say, you know, I'm always so worried because I'm at a stage of life. You know, you're always at that stage of life. When you're single you want to be married, when you're married you want to have children, when you have little children you have little problems, when you have big children you have big problems. When you have grandchildren you're worried about your grandchildren and by then you're worried about your knees and your hips and not falling. You're always going to have worries. I've yet to ever meet the person who says, guess what, I woke up today and I'm done worrying. I have fulfilled all my worries and now I have peace of mind and serenity and I'm good to go. There is no such person and there is no such life. And therefore don't say al tomar k’she’epaneh when I'm done, eshneh, that's when I'm going to learn or grow or that's when I'll believe in you God. When I can have some peace of mind, some margin, some space, that's when I'll be able to serve you. No. It's in wherever we are at that moment. In wherever we are at that moment. In fact, one of the emails I got, get so many emails baruch Hashem, they each inspire me and challenge me to think. And one of the emails I got, I can't find it right now, we're in the middle of the shiur, but asked me and said, it's Elul I want to work on myself but life is changing. I finished nursing school but now I'm doing night shifts and I'm trying to balance the night shifts with whatever, so how am I supposed to serve Hashem in the things I used to be doing with this new schedule, what should I do? What should I do? And I wrote back what I don't think is rocket science: there are different seasons of our life. And how we're meant to live and prioritize our time, our resources, what we're supposed to be doing depends on the season of our life. Who we are as an adolescent, as a teenager, while we're single, please God if we get married, when we have children, while we're working, when we're... Retired, there are seasons and rhythms of life. And our mission and our challenge is in each of them to ask ourselves, which we don't do by the way, again because we are a runaway freight train. We're just in motion all the time and we never press pause or stop and think. We never ask ourselves, what should we do, who do we want to be, what are we meant to do? One of my mentors encouraged me last year. I know I don't look it, I look much younger, but last year I turned 50. It's hard to believe I'm saying those words out loud. A few months ago. Correct, I'm so young, it was just a few months ago, says someone else who might be heading towards that number. So she wants it to be a few months ago. So a few months ago I turned that age. And you know what, I wasn't thinking about it at all. For lots of obvious reasons, but I wasn't... it was just another birthday, another year. I'm getting older, Baruch Hashem, let's go. The shiurim to prepare and articles to write and people to meet with and children Baruch Hashem to raise and grandchildren to laugh with and spend time with. Let's just keep in motion, let's just keep going. And someone I admire, one of my mentors said: Stop. You're 50. What do you want the next 10 years of your life? You're now at an age... are you just going to keep going? What do you want? The next phase, the next stage, what's the next chapter of your life? However you measure it, in days, weeks, months, years, decades, don't just wake up one day and say, 'Wow, I was going to change gears or change lanes or I wanted to accomplish that thing or I had that goal.' What do you want to do, who do you want to be? And this is the time of year that we do that, Elul. Again, this is tonight's talk, which obviously I haven't prepared so I'm not sure what to say now and what to say for later. But tonight's talk is to press that pause and that stop. Elul on the one hand is go-go-go time. But it's also pause, stop. What's your blueprint? What's your next blueprint? You finished building that house, you finished organizing that drawer or that room. What's your next project? What's your next blueprint? What's your next goal? What's your next aim? Stop. It could be on your birthday that you do it. It could be quarterly you look at your life. Certainly it should be Elul in anticipation of Rosh Hashanah, what's my next year? What's my next year? What's my next year? I know triple digit people, 100 years old and up in our community, who are thinking about what do I want to do this year. Herman Wouk wrote his last book at 100 years old. At 100 years old he said, 'I have another book to write. I'm not done, I have another book to write. I've gotta write another book.' Rabbi Wein, zichrono livracha, the great Rabbi Wein. You think he hung it up, you think he was retired? Rabbi Wein lost his eyesight at the end of his life. We had him on Behind the Bima a year or two ago. He was amazing fire as always. He was never done, he never retired. At the end of his life he was still saying, 'Okay, what's my goal now? What's my goal? What am I doing next?' A person I paid a shiva call for yesterday passed away at 103. Was asking, 'What should I do next? What should I do next? What's your goal, what's my mission?' And that's what he's saying, Avodas Hashem, davka me-hamatzav she. So sometimes you wake up and say, what, how do I serve Hashem when I have all my faculties and when I have all my limbs and organs and when I feel healthy and vibrant and energized and alive? What's my mission, what's my goal, what's my Avodas Hashem from poverty or from prosperity? From health or from illness? From being single, from being married? Each one is demanding of me, inviting me, challenging me, what's your mission in this moment? Because this moment's not coming back. And this moment is not happening again. And in each moment we have a challenge. Sometimes we're on top of the world, we're celebrating and we're experiencing the greatest simchas, and what's my Avodas Hashem there and in that space? And sometimes you've experienced a horrific loss, we're going through enormous and immense pain, we're lost and we're just trying to find our way, and what's my Avodas Hashem in that moment? Each moment. And don't measure ourselves against other moments, I can't believe I'm not this, you know what I used to be, I'm not that. Yeah, it's okay, that's not what you're going through right now. In each season and each rhythm of life and who we are and what stage and what we've experienced from highs to lows and everything in between, we learned about this as well: ratzu v'shov, the notion of close and far, we learned also in Reb Itche Meir: ratzu v'shov. We talked about mochin d'gadlus and mochin d'katnus, the rhythm, the cycle, sometimes on top and sometimes in the bottom, sometimes close and sometimes far, and each moment and wherever we are, and each day could be different, every hour of a day could be different, what's my mission in that, in that moment? And that's what we left off, Rav Naftali Ruppshitz, the Ruppshitzer in Zera Kodesh, ואתחנן אל ה' בעת ההיא. To daven to Hashem that ba-eis ha-hi, in this moment, what's my mission? ואתחנן אל ה' בעת ההיא right now. This is how I woke up today, this is the news I just heard. Found out that this is how I feel right now. This is what hurts or aches, or this is I woke up and I feel fantastic. Give me my mission, give me my assignment. What's my moment? Why am I here? What am I meant to do? What do I want to get done right now? That's how a Yid lives. Im Hashem Elokecha. Im Hashem—he doesn't say this, I'm combining the two things—Im Hashem Elokecha to constantly ask myself, what's my mission? Hashem, I'm walking with you. I'm at the airport, I'm in the supermarket, I'm walking into my house, I'm Im Hashem Elokecha. I'm going into that meeting, I'm Im Hashem. Don't leave him in the shul. Don't leave him when you close the siddur or the tehillim. Then I'm just going to the gym or supermarket or going to work. He's coming with us wherever we go. Our whole life is one long, like Mr. Senders, an ongoing conversation with Hashem. Wherever we are and whatever is doing, we are in an ongoing conversation with Hashem constantly, constantly. And the conversation goes like this: Va'etchanan el Hashem, Hashem ba'eis hahi, this moment, tell me, show me what am I meant to do? What's my mission? Give me my assignment. What am I meant to do? Why am I here? Why do I have to circle around the airport because I missed the turn? Why was I delayed in traffic getting to Brooklyn? Hashem, why is this person opening up to me? Why did I see that thing that I observed or witnessed or saw? Why did I go through this experience I went through? How does it position me to better serve you, to be your agent, ambassador in your world? Kinyan zeh muva, that's what we're up to now, page kuf chaf daled, beshem hamaggid mikozhnitz, levar hapasuk שומר רוח לא יזרע ורואה בעבים לא יקצור. Pasuk in kohelet, Ecclesiastes, שומר רוח לא יזרע, someone who sees the wind won't plant, ורואה בעבים לא יקצור, sees the clouds won't harvest. כלומר השומר ומחכה עד שיערה עליו רוח ממרום ואתערותא דלעילא לשכלל עבודתו יתברך שמו, איש כזה לא יזרע זריעה בעבודת השם לעולם. The person who's waiting, waiting, I'm waiting to be inspired. I'm waiting. I'm waiting. There are people in my life like this: "Rabbi, say something to inspire me. I really want to grow and change this year. I'm finally ready to take on certain things, but I'm not inspired. So say something, tell me something. Give a drasha, give a shiur. Say something that'll make me become who I want to be." And it ain't how it works. That is not how it works. That's not how it works. Yes, we can find mentors and coaches and motivational speakers and rebbeim and talks and podcasts, which will get us going, but ultimately it has to happen inside and when does it have to happen? Now. ואילו רואה בעבים היינו מי שירא לגשת אל עבודת השם אף כשהוא נמצא בעביות וכאילו עב וענן סך בעדו שעמך ברי כל כך אף על פי כן יתחזק בו לא יקצור זה איש לא יקצור לעולם בעבודת. And a person who even through the clouds serves Hashem. If you're waiting for the sun to come out, you know when I'll serve you, Hashem? When there's no clouds in the sky, when the sun comes out, when I can see clearly, when it's wonderful and beautiful. I will say this about New York yesterday, the weather was magnificent, beautiful, incredible. I tried to bottle some of it up to bring back; it didn't work. But the weather was beautiful. Enjoy it, enjoy it, you deserve it, it's beautiful. So if you wait for that beautiful, beautiful sunny day, clear sky, sweet breeze to serve Hashem, you'll never serve Hashem. But if you can look up through the clouds and say, "I can still feel the sun even through the clouds, let's go," then you'll never stop serving him. Because it doesn't matter, like the mailman, rain, sleet, or snow, you're going to wake up ready to go. You're going to serve Hashem no matter the weather. If you need it to be a perfect day outside, you're not going to get very far. But if you're ready to go no matter what's happening, then you're going to go all day long each and every day. Don't wait to be inspired from others. You gotta get going today. When Tal Ben-Shahar spoke here, he gave the most popular class in the history of Harvard—I've shared this before—he gave the most popular class in the history of Harvard, and he spoke here several years ago. And I asked him at the end of this to recommend a few books for the audience. What books does he recommend they read? And he said something fascinating. He said, "You know, he writes books—he's a bestseller in the self-help genre—self-help, but he said, 'Don't read those books. Studies show they're not going to actually help you change your life. What you should read instead are biographies. Read about other people, what they went through, how they lived, what they overcame, and that will inspire you on your journey. Read biographies.'" Now, why do self-help books not help? Because the whole genre and the whole industry—and I'm not knocking it, and I read and read some myself and they do contribute in a way—but when you think that's when you when you outsource and you delegate all your growth to some third party, some motivational speaker, some conference, some book, some podcast, you'll never get anywhere. If you're using it as... as a tool in your toolbox to be better yourself it's going to help you but if you think the answer's always outside yourself it's actually Gemara in Avoda Zara the Gemara says the story the Gemara tells us the story about a notorious person who was not living the most righteous life and he went to go visit every harlot every prostitute in the world to solicit their services and he made his way across the world because there was one beautiful one last one he hadn't gone and he went to her and in the moment of intimacy of union she she made a sound and she said I released the breath that God put into me and the same way that I released the breath that God put into me so you have expelled the breath of life God put into you and you can't do teshuva you can't repent you are a lost and helpless soul and the Gemara tells us how he went to the sea and the rivers and he said help advocate in heaven for me and they said you're on your own buddy and then he went to the mountains said help advocate for me said you're on your own buddy and this too we've learned in the past maybe we'll learn it more in depth another time again because I saw beautiful peirush that says who are the mountains his parents אשא עיני אל ההרים אל תקרא הרים אלא הורים he said to his parents bail me out helicopter parents bail me out bulldozer parents go meet with the teacher and the principal and tell them off and get me out of the situation go meet with my boss and tell him why it's okay that I underperformed go bail me out but in the Gemara it's no no the mountains the parents said you're on your own and the river nature nature this peirush says that all these elements are nature which was trying to use the excuse it's in my nature I couldn't help it what could I do I had a drive I had a temptation I couldn't overcome it nope not an excuse you're on your own and I'm giving you the fast version of this Gemara but he sits down he puts his head between his knees and he cries out and he says I'm helpless and in that moment he says אין הדבר תלוי אלא בי the matter rests only with me I can't help or rely on or turn to anyone else the matter rests only with me and when he says the matter rests only with me אין הדבר תלוי אלא בי a heavenly voice comes out and bestows smicha upon him and says Rebbi gives him the name Rabbi what realization what conclusion did he come to that he needed to come to אין הדבר תלוי אלא בי it's not if I'd only listened to the right person if I only had the right rebbetzin if I only had the right Rabbi if I only married the right spouse if I only had the right education if I only had the right parents if I only had the right DNA if I only had the right Rabbi given the right drasha if I only woke up on the right side of the bed this morning then I'd be that person when we live our life thinking if only the sun were shining if only I had a perfect life if only everything fell into place perfectly then I'd be the best me no even va'ara be-avim if we look through the clouds if we're able to see through the clouds it's true those were my parents it's true that's my DNA it's true this is my spouse it's true this is my life it's true these are my aches and pains it's true this is my situation you know what with that אין הדבר תלוי אלא בי I'm ready to take extreme ownership over my life I'm ready to recognize it's up to me stop making excuses and stop waiting for someone else to rescue me I I take extreme ownership and responsibility for my life to regulate my thoughts and my actions and my behavior and to realize what's my mission in this moment what's my mission why am I here this is my moment this is my moment so come tonight at eight o'clock or watch later and we'll talk about how to press pause not stop because we never stop but we press pause to take stock and to say this is where I'm at where do I want to go and how can I embrace the present to get there how can I recognize my mission for every moment and this moment who am I right now at the end of תשפ"ה as we're heading into תשפ"ו five seven eight six what did I fulfill this moment this year what I set out to at the beginning of last year and how does that inform what I want to do next year and not just be this runaway train living life where days blend into weeks and weeks blend into months and months blend into years and we end up waking up at the end of our life having lived every year over and over again with a lot of regret instead stop press pause plan what's my mission in this moment this season of my life whatever I've just gone through what are the expectations what are the goals what's my mission how am I going to get there תמים תהיה עם השם אלוקיך even when it's hard even when we're in tremendous pain to realize that Hashem has a plan and a purpose and nothing that ever happened is random or chance he has carefully curated and choreographed our life and our world and while unbearably painful things happen bad things never happen and that doesn't mean we shouldn't be in pain it's okay to be in pain it's not human and it's not realistic to deny pain when we're in pain or migraine, pretending you're not in pain won't make that pain go away. It's okay, recognize the pain and honor the pain and lean into the pain and treat the pain and treat the pain with the knowledge that please God with time healing will come that will allow the pain to heal. Hashem doesn't expect us to deny the pain that we're in. We're not a bad person, that's the matzav that we're in. Avodas Hashem me'hamatzav. If the matzav a person is in, they're in terrible pain, then it's okay to be in that matzav. What's that mission in that matzav? What's the Avodas Hashem from that place and in that matzav of that pain that the person is in? That's okay and that's a question that we have. Okay, we'll pick up with that, we're continuing now. Only for those in person, we're rewarding those who come in person with slushies and coffee and pastries and popcorn and questions and answers. So we turn off the live and the recording. If you have a question on any topic under the sun, halacha, hashkafa, sensitive, insensitive, not insensitive, any topic we're happy to take it.
