Transcript
Good morning, *Boker Tov*, welcome back to Living with *Emunah*. Please help yourself to coffee, pastries, slushies in *Rav* Shaya'la Corner. As always, very grateful to our generous sponsors for our *Emunah* *Shiur*. *Emunah* *Shiur* is sponsored by Drs. Dov and Bella Morgan in memory of Rabbi Dr. Brian Galbut, in memory of Bella’s mother, Dr. Ellen Shanzer. We remain very, very grateful to the Morgans each and every week. This morning is also sponsored by Ruthi and Ataniel Rayden in honor of their dear son Eyal Yitzchak's second birthday. Should give his parents a lot of *Nachas*. By Ilya Ostrowski in memory of her dear mother, Eva Stein, our beloved member. We miss her. נשמה שתהיה לה עליה. Thank you for your generosity. By the Walkowitz children in honor of Yardena Leeba coming home from the hospital, a dear Chana Faige Walkowitz for inspiring all of them with their *Emunah* and strength and to the *Shul* for all that it has done for the family. And by the Walkowitzes, Faye and Jeff, for all of their grandchildren, in honor of all their grandchildren, a continued *Refuah Sheleimah* for Yardena Leeba. They’re grateful for everyone for their *Davening*. Thank you so, so much. I have a pile of letters and I’m struggling with choosing between them. I’m so grateful to everyone who takes the time and writes. As I always say, it inspires, it motivates, it moves me. Many of them I share. If I don't share it that week, I still keep that pile and may or will share in the future. Or some day maybe your letter with your permission will appear in my new book, Embrace Your Place. So far I’ve gotten through the title of the book. But I’m working on a table of contents and a book itself. But the title, you know they say is the hardest part, so I’m in good shape. I’m in good shape. I’ve got the title. Before we dive in, a couple of things. There was a request and I’m thinking about it and I may post it on the WhatsApp group for a poll to move the *Shiur* a little bit later. Particularly as we’re heading towards the end of the year when school will end and carpool will end. I know for some that’s a disaster; you want it early in the morning, start your day. For others this is way too early and they can’t make it. So we’re thinking about it and we’ll let you know. We’ll take a poll, but ultimately then I’ll make a decision and I’ll let you know. And there were also, I’m thinking about adding, I might do this as soon as next week, the *Emunah* *Shiur* streamed and recorded and posted, and then afterwards turn all of that off for the people who are here in person for questions and answers each week. I know every week there are people waiting to talk, there are questions that come up, conversations you want to have, I usually have to run. It’ll provide the opportunity to then continue to process what we learned together. Thinking about that. Quickly a couple things that came across. *Rav* Shlomo Zalman Auerbach, the great *Tzaddik* of *Yerushalayim*, had the *Zchus* to have met him several times. The great *Gaon*, *Rav* Shlomo Zalman Auerbach, once missed the bus. A student, a *Talmid* asked him, “Aren’t you upset?” He smiled and said, “If I missed it, it wasn’t mine.” He once missed the bus and he was asked, “Aren’t you upset you missed the bus?” and he said, “If I missed it, it wasn’t my bus.” That’s a good *Emunah* moment. *Rav* Shlomo Zalman didn’t send it in. He’s no longer alive, but it’s a beautiful moment. I saw a quote, I have no idea who this person is who is the author of this quote, Ambrose Redmoon. I don’t know who they are, I don’t know if I should quote them, reference them, I literally have no idea. I don’t know if that makes me illiterate or I don’t know if that makes me actually sophisticated that I have no idea who they are. They said, “Courage is not the absence of fear, rather the judgment that something else is more important than fear.” And I thought to myself when I saw that quote that we would find and replace, we would edit it. Not courage is not the absence of fear but rather the judgment something else is more important than fear, but *Emunah* is not the absence of fear, but the judgment that something else is more important than fear. And I say that because last time we talked about, one of the people who had asked a question had emailed in a question was: Is *Emunah* meant to mean that I never feel anxious, I’m never worried, I’m never upset, I’m never... Does *Emunah* numb my emotions? Is *Emunah* meant to cancel out any feelings? If I live with *Emunah*, do I have such an equilibrium and equanimity that I don’t feel? And we talked about absolutely not. *Emunah* helps us navigate and channel and direct those feelings. It helps us regulate those feelings. Certainly we should have joy and happiness with good things and pleasure, and certainly we should grieve and feel sadness with loss or with pain. But how we process and make sense of it is through *Emunah*. So *Emunah*’s not the absence of fear, but the judgment that something else is more important than fear. So when you’re worried about will I perform in the *Emunah* *Shiur*, I’m worried about will I deliver, will I come through, will it work out, what will be, that’s not necessarily an intrinsically negative emotion, that’s a very human emotion. *Emunah*’s not meant to remove the emotion, it’s not the absence of the emotion, it’s the judgment that something else is more important than that emotion. Don’t indulge it or give in to it, don’t surrender to it. But it’s the judgment there's something else for it. So I saw that quote and it made me think of you and our *Emunah* *Shiur*. Okay, a few *Emunah* emails and then we’ll dive back into our text, then we’ll dive back into our text together. Dear Rabbi Goldberg, I write this note to our *Emunah* class with *Hakaras Hatov* for the strength, inspiration, and learning I received from the class in ways I and my family could have never imagined. I write this reflecting on a text I wrote to my kids this past *Shabbos*, the first *Shabbos* when our... beautiful granddaughter Yedidna Liba came home after four months since her birth in good health. I came to my first class a year and a half ago. Little did I know how much it would change my life. I could not have gotten through this most difficult time. I'm so grateful for this gift in my own life, and in my children's lives and to those who made this day happen. I've been waiting a long time to write this letter, and the day has finally come. Our family has had a lot of struggles over the past year since the passing of our grandson Levi Yitzchak of blessed memory ten days after his birth. This was a most difficult time for all of us. It was then that I realized how you have to find your inner strength and emuna to go forward. I learned not to say 'why me?' but to ask Hashem to give strength to get me and my family through the times. Thank you to Nechama Comfort for all they did for our family. The davening and Tehillim that was said to our beautiful grandson in his short life, then went to our beautiful granddaughter who was born this past Chanukah. A Chanukah miracle, the first sign of light coming out of so much darkness. Then our family suffered again when our granddaughter was born with a birth defect and remained hospitalized after birth. Began a four-month journey for our family with difficulties and challenges that were unimaginable. The journey brought many miracles that we continue to see every day. Thank you to Air Hatzala that arranged an air transport from New York to Cincinnati on Purim. Thank you to Bikur Cholim of Cincinnati Children's Hospital, Columbia Hospital, Ronald McDonald House in Cincinnati, and so much more. Thank you to everyone involved for making this possible. Family, children, mechutanim, blessed to have by our side. Every day as I entered the NICU, I would stop before I entered and ask Hashem to be with me, to guide me and help me through the day. The emuna that I learned from the class allowed me to be strong for this baby and for our family. What came to my head was bitachon: you are where you're meant to be. There are no coincidences in life. Our first grandson passed away on Moshe Rabbeinu's yahrtzeit, and their daughter was born on the fifth day of Chanukah just a few months ago. Hashem took my family from geula to galus, from exile, from galus to geula, from exile to discovery. And just this Pesach our granddaughter came home in good health. Not a coincidence this day would also be the last day of nishmas for Yedidna Liba. When I spoke to Hashem and asked him, is everything going to be okay? Show me a sign. And now I look back and even today receive so many. Through my grandson's passing, butterflies became a sign to our family, first appearing one day when my son and I visited the grave of our son, of his son. We saw a beautiful butterfly, and then we saw two. We got into the car, a third one came, and all three danced in front of us. I immediately saw this as a sign I have three grandchildren born this year, all girls. The sign Hashem showed me was the third little girl would be coming home, and she did. Baruch Hashem may they all dance together with all the grandchildren and with all of us until 120. Family wants to thank everyone for the Tehillim and davening. Many in this room and much of the Tehillim we said afterwards was for this beautiful young girl. More than 200 people participated in our Tehillim circle including many others as well as notes at the Rebbe's Ohel and the Kotel. Countless challah bakes and mitzvos. The emuna class gives each one of us strength and insight and to dig deep through the most difficult times. Touched that the family never felt alone, little did we know we would also inspire many others on our personal journey. Remember, you are where you're meant to be. It's not why did this happen, but how you're going to get through it with much gratitude to Hashem. So thank you and we should continue to hear good news and you should see tremendous nachas from Yedidna Liba and from everyone. And I'll segue from that email to another. Got so many that blew me away and that got me so excited. Dear Rabbi Goldberg, thank you so much for the hard work blah, blah, blah, thank you for the inspiration, yadda, yadda, yadda. I love listening to the shiurim, they are truly a hug and a kiss from Hashem. Baruch Hashem one day I was listening to one of the shiurim whilst. Whilst. Good for a young lady who uses the word whilst. W-H-I-L-S-T. Whilst walking in the busy streets of Manhattan. You spoke about how there are so many Tehillim groups, chats about refua, shidduchim, anything else related to difficulty, but there are none for gratitude. And this reminded me that I don't remember anything I say because I don't remember saying that. But then I thought about it and it sounds like something I would say. So then I got very proud that I said it. Anyway, thank you for coming with me on that little journey. So just to elaborate again, apparently several years ago we spoke about how we have Tehillim chats, like there was for Yedidna Liba, where we hear news, whether it's those who want shidduchim, those who need parnassa, livelihood, those who are looking for healing, and what do we do? We immediately, thanks to WhatsApp, that's why the gift of technology to use for good, we make a group. And then what happens? We just list all of Sefer Tehillim. I'll take one through three, I'll take four through seven, I'll take eight through eleven. And it's beautiful. Mi ke'amcha Yisrael? The Jewish people are incredible. All day and all night are posting and taking the next group and just finishing Tehillim over and over and over again. So apparently, apparently I said that's incredible, why are we only doing it in cases of emergency and crisis? There should be, for these wildfires in Yerushalayim, Hakadosh Baruch Hu. should help and put them out, everyone should be safe. They canceled the torch lighting ceremony for Yom HaZikaron Yom HaAtzmaut, they're evacuating communities, Hashem should keep everybody safe. So we have WhatsApp groups for emergencies and crisis, why are there none for gratitude? And this author of this email, whilst walking in Manhattan, heard that shiur. You were my sweet messenger for Hashem and right there and then, Hashem helped me start a Tehillim group for gratitude. For 40 days we complete a whole book of Tehillim to purely thank Hashem l'shem Shamayim, no other agenda, no other motive, no other need, no crisis, just a WhatsApp Tehillim group. Why? Just to thank Hashem. We've been doing this for over two years now. We're on the 20th round of 40 days of gratitude. There are over 120 women in the group. Some say more than one Tehillim. Thank you, Hashem. We're thanking Hashem for all the good in our lives and all the Bracha Hashem is constantly showering us with. I'll tell them not to have expectations, do it for the sake of Hashem with love and because we're grateful. We thank Hashem for the good and we thank Hashem for the difficult. We thank Hashem if we get what we want and we thank Hashem when we don't get what we want. It's a constant reminder that Hashem is constantly showering us with so many gifts even if I don't understand why Hashem is, why this thing is happening for me. I thank Hashem that He's taking care of me and ultimately knows what's best. It's humbling and comforting. Baruch Hashem through our rounds I've had countless women reach out to me telling me how they got engaged during the 40 days of gratitude. I had a friend who was in a scary and difficult situation for a few hours. She'd pray her assigned Tehillim from one gratitude, from the gratitude group on repeat until she was safe and told me how it calmed and helped her during it, Baruch Hashem. Women share how they've seen miracles from thanking Hashem. Also many women have shared how it helps them pause every day and feel Hashem's presence giving them so much Hakaras HaTov towards Hashem no matter what they're going through. The miracle of this chat is that women are getting to know and love Hashem every day even more on a deeper level. Nothing crazy has to happen for this to occur. All it takes is a moment of gratitude, recognizing all the constant Brachos that He does for us, never ending. I want to thank you for your inspiration, chizuk. May Hashem bless Klal Yisrael with full and complete emunah, bitachon, gratitude, constantly be spreading Hashem's beautiful light, to always see Hashem's hugs and kisses constantly showering us even in the darkest of moments. I love that email, not just because someone listening and they started and the group and the 20th round and the good things they've seen from it and all of us should, as we've shared Rav Asher Weiss Shlita when he was here earlier this year said that when something goes wrong people tend to say why me? But how often do they on a day that everything's going right say why me? Why why should I be healthy? Why should I be happy? Why should I have Bracha? Why should I? Nobody asks why me when everything's going right. They ask why me when something goes wrong. We should learn to ask why me when things are going right and maybe He won't need to get our attention to ask why me when something is going wrong, that's what Rav Asher Weiss said. And this beautiful group is all just about an attitude of gratitude of people who are saying just thank you, thank you. But the really impressive, incredible part of this email, and I thought about saving it for like a Rosh Hashanah drasha, which I may come back to because I'll probably forget by then even if you don't. The really amazing part to me about this email is someone is listening whilst walking in Manhattan and how many of us have had moments of inspiration and then we just go on to the next thing. Then we just press play on the next podcast or music and maybe we tell someone later and that's as far as it goes. We had a moment of breakthrough, a burst of inspiration and it died right there. And instead this person said huh you know there should be a WhatsApp group just for gratitude, I'm going to create it, I'm going to start it, I'll see if anyone else joins it. I hope if they're listening they'll send me the link and we can post it for more people and let the group be so full that it has to start a second and a third one. Let there be many Tehillim gratitude groups. But that's the part that blows me away the most is somebody who was listening who didn't just say that's interesting, huh that would be amazing, they actually stopped and did something with it and that is incredible. Hi Rabbi Goldberg, I know that I recently emailed you, I just had to share this hug from Hashem. My father unfortunately is not well, admitted into the hospital. As I was there davening for him and saying my Tehillim, I looked up and said daddy what's your favorite Tehillim? I figured if I'm already davening why not his favorite one is the one I'm saying. He thought for a second and he said Kapitel Chaf Gimmel, chapter 23, השם רועי לא אחסר. So I started saying it. The next day I'm driving to the hospital to visit him, I press my favorite Spotify podcast as we know nothing is random. Shiur number 330 came on and it's all about the shepherd, השם רועי לא אחסר. And as I listen, low and behold you were speaking about the exact Tehillim my father had just said was his favorite. I felt a hug from Hashem, He's with me in the hospital. Hashem gave me the idea to ask my father and immediately gave me the shiur about the Tehillim that my father answered. Your shiurim really helped me yada yada yada blah blah blah. Okay. Another very... these are all... I didn't even know because they're all so powerful, they're all so powerful. Keep please sending, keep please writing. Maybe one more for today. Rabbi Goldberg, I love listening to the podcast and enjoy the blah blah blah yada yada yada. I have a story for you. It happened a few years ago. February 8th, 2018, my grandma, aleha hashalom, was admitted to hospital because of an excess buildup of fluid in her leg. She had been sick for several years with an autoimmune disease, had been hospitalized a few times, so she was expecting to leave. I know this because she packed makeup and things to do her hair with in her bag when she left for the hospital. Two days later she passed away, February 10th. My cousin and I went home for the funeral and a few days of Shiva. After four days, February 14th, you'll see why these dates are important, everyone would be resuming normal life activities. My mom, stepdad, and brother would go back to work, my cousin and I were leaving to go back to college, and all the family that came to South Florida for the funeral had their flights as well, all leaving in the early evening. Similarly, my sister was being sent to school that day. Ever since we started school, my mom's rule for missing school was one of two reasons: either we had a fever or we were throwing up. Other than that, you're going to school. The night before, the night of February 13th, my sister asked my mom to not go because a lot of family from out of town were still in town until later the next day. My mother said no. My sister asked again a few hours later, and again my mother said no. So my sister stopped asking until the next morning. My sister woke up and asked one more time to not go to school that day, and for some reason, even though she didn't have a fever and wasn't throwing up, my mother agreed. She was probably sleepwalking, sleeptalking. Fast forward to the afternoon. 2:30 we get news alerts, there was an active shooter in Marjory Stoneman Douglas High School, where my sister went to school. Not only that, it was reported and later confirmed the shooter was only in the 1200 building, which is the building in which my sister had class at that time of the day. The family was in shock and disbelief this could happen to our city. It wasn't until later that someone pointed out the major coincidence that took place. I thank Hashem that he took my grandma when he did because without who knows what would have happened to my sister, where we are meant to be. I knew this wasn't just a coincidence and started asking questions. That was the beginning of my Teshuva process. Today I'm an observant Jew, about to finish my second year of Yeshiva in Yerushalayim. He grew up secular, was secular at that time, and by asking questions about the timing of that that saved his sister, he's now an observant Jew learning in Yeshiva in Jerusalem for his second year. Now I want to be very clear about that email because I find those emails, not this one about that event, but complicated. Did Hashem save his sister? Yes. Was it a coincidence, a random, or chance? Absolutely not. Was she where she was meant to be? 100%. What does that mean about those who went to school that day who didn't ask to stay home, who didn't have a grandmother who passed away and family in? It's complicated. One should not, and I can't say this clearly enough, one should not predicate and build their entire Emuna life on the stories where everything works out well, miraculously, amazing, at all, because that's not life. That's not life. The flight was delayed, I was delayed getting to the airport, I missed the flight, the plane crashed, wow it's amazing. What about the guy who was on standby who got your seat and went down with the plane because you didn't make it? Selichos, davening went long, didn't make it to the Twin Towers and therefore wasn't there the day of 9/11. What about the people who got up and davened early and was there on time? Like a friend I went to YU with who died that day, was killed and murdered that day on 9/11. So it's complicated to base or predicate stories of when it all works out. But on the same, on the other hand, at the same time, absolutely a person who survived and feels the hand of Hashem should be grateful, should see the hand of Hashem, but should be sensitive in understanding the implications for the others. Survivors of the Holocaust should be incredible grateful, and to my experience, they are. They point to, Martin Judovits, aleh hashalom, the beloved member of our community, wrote a whole memoir and book and literally has a chapter where he goes through all the miracles of his survival. It's a book about his faith in Hashem and thanking and crediting Hashem, listing each of the moments as he survived concentration camps, work camps, death, each of the miracles. How did he write that book? God took his whole family, his whole community of Dej, took everything, because he still chose to see the miracles and the hand of Hashem and he's thankful. Is he not supposed to thank Hashem for the miracle of surviving because the rest of his family didn't? The million survivors shouldn't say thank you because six million were slaughtered? It's a complicated topic. And to me, to simplify it, don't base Emuna on it. That shouldn't be the core or source of why you believe, but absolutely if one is a beneficiary of the hand of Hashem, it's appropriate and correct to say thank you for it and to see it. Ok there's so many more. So many more. One more email and then we'll go back to the text. Dear Rabbi Goldberg, thank you, Boca, yada yada yada. People now write yada yada yada, so I could just, I could just read when they write yada yada yada they thank me. I'm undergoing radiation treatment at local hospital, spent half hour traveling time each way binging on Living with emunah for chizuk. As a reward for taking such good care of me, I promised to accompany my wife to the outlet center in West Palm. As we're leaving the parking lot, a man whom we did not know asked for a ride to the front gate. We said gladly. After he got out of the car, my wife said, I love being able to do chesed with our car. Driving on I-95 at 65 miles an hour, we heard a noise. Thinking it was the car next to us, we kept going. When we realized it was our car, we pulled off onto the side of the highway and realized we had a major blowout. The tire had at least four holes. Triple-A repairman was amazed we didn't lose control of the car and crash. Other people might have said, what kind of God would put us in danger after we did a chesed for someone else? We thought of it in the opposite way. A major hug from Hashem. No coincidence the car was used for chesed only ten minutes prior, Hashem rewarded us and saved us from what could have been a disaster. My wife, who had been driving, I was doing Daf Yomi, asked if we should bench Gomel. I said I wasn't sure. Gomel is normally specifically for crossing the ocean, Hashem did save us. This brings to my question: we thank Hashem for saving us from a precarious situation, but wasn't He the one who put us in the situation? Was it just a test to see how we would react? I appreciate some clarity. And here is the tire with the four holes, the blown out tire, the Triple-A said they should have been blown out. It reminds me of a story we had in North Carolina, driving to New York with your enormous, what's that thing called? Sprinter van. And then we also had a similar miracle, we're thankful still to Hashem. So when we thank Hashem that we got out of something, shouldn't we also realize He's the one who put us into that something? And the answer is yes, and it's not a contradiction. It's not a contradiction. The choice is: will we be bitter about His putting us in, or will we focus on how He got or what we got out of the situation? That choice is ours. He's behind both. You can't give Him credit on one half without also assigning responsibility for the other. He's not only the one who makes your sister stay home, and He's not the one who for some reason that we don't understand and will be among the top things we ask when we get above, why those innocent beautiful children and souls were taken that day. You can't only give Him credit on one side and not the other. The question is which we'll choose to focus on and what we'll draw from it and what we'll get out of it and how we'll get through it. That's the question. But absolutely and certainly He's behind both. So will we look at, did Martin Judovits look at, how could You do the Holocaust, where were You, how could You do that to my family, therefore I don't believe? Or did he, while he had some of those questions, say, but look at the miracles and look at the blessings and look at the gift of my survival and now what will I do with it? I'll build a community in Boca Raton, Florida. We see Him on both sides. The question is what do we do with it, where do we go with it, and we don't ask why, not lamma, but lemma. As Rav Hirsch or Soloveitchik famously said, not lamma, why, but lemma, for what. I'm tempted to keep reading emails and I got a couple emails with questions that I want to get back to and address and I will. I will, because they're really I think compelling questions and I will come back to them, please God, in the future. But let's finish up our text. We're learning Emuna U'Bitachon Rav David Abuchatzeira on page lamed vav. And this chapter is about hishtadlus ad kamma. One has to take initiative, we have to make effort, but until when? Actually, I'll tell you one of the questions, because it's exactly what we're, what we're learning about. And that question is: whenever we talk about hishtadlus, on your pre-Pesach shiur you discussed hishtadlus, how much is appropriate? You used Krias Yam Suf, splitting of the sea, as an example, and the fact that Hashem told Yidden to stop davening but to walk into the sea. However, I find it difficult to understand how can this be used as an example of where hishtadlus is required because whenever one speaks about hishtadlus, we speak about doing what's usual, normal, natural. Yeah, walking into the sea expecting it to split is anything but usual, normal, or natural. And therefore it seems to be inconsistent with the message that we're trying to learn. It's a pretty compelling question. Why do we always bring as the core source of the fact that God expects us to take initiative, don't sit back and lean back and wait for a miracle, start walking. God says, ma titzak elai, why are you davening, דבר אל בני ישראל ויסעו, start walking, walk into the sea. And that we say is the evidence, that is the source for we have to do our part, we have to partner with God, we can't sit back passively as spectators to our own destiny, we have to take initiative. You're sick, go to the doctor. You want parnassah, don't just put a key in challah. go to work, get a job. You're looking for a shidduch, don't sit back and think somebody's going to knock on your door and say, "Will you marry me?" You have to network, you have to be out there, you have to be willing to meet people and go out. Initiative, hishtadlus, you have to make an effort. So we learn all of that from the case of the splitting of the sea? That wasn't usual, normal, natural. Last week and the week before as we've analyzed this perek in the sefer, we talked about what's the right amount of hishtadlus. In what measure? How much? And what's our answer always? What's normative, what's normal, or what we'd call, what's reasonable? Excessive hishtadlus, excessive initiative, is to deny God in His role. Too little initiative is to hide behind and cop out with fake faith. You need, like the Three Bears, just the right amount of hishtadlus. Can't be too cold or too hot, you need just the right amount of initiative, just the right. Ay, how do I know what's the right amount of initiative? Another person asked, and we'll come back to this, particularly because I give this example and have some strong feelings in the world of shidduchim, in the world of those who are looking to get married, what's excessive, what's too much, what's too little, what's the just right? We'll come back to it. But in every area, our answer is, what's reasonable? What's normal? What's normative? So the person with this email asks, there ain't nothing normal or normative or reasonable about walking into a sea and expecting it to split. So how could that be the prime text of initiative if there's nothing normal, reasonable, natural about it? I'd be grateful for some clarity on it. As a bonus, if time allows, you mentioned in several recent shiurim the fact that when it comes to shidduch, too much hishtadlus is done. Are you able to clarify in practical terms what normal is with shidduch, something most people struggle to understand without more specific guidance? So we'll address the first question, but not necessarily the second today. And I think the answer is the following. In every situation, we are meant to take what is the normal, normative, reasonable, natural amount of hishtadlus. To think that you're going to support your family and make a living working one hour a day is unreasonable. Unreasonable. Can it happen? Does it happen? Occasionally. But it's not normal and reasonable. It's not natural. People have to work a reasonable amount of time during the day to earn a living. By the way, if you work twenty-three out of twenty-four hours, I would say that's excessive initiative. What are you, what is coming at the expense? What is the tradeoff to your excessive initiative in working? Do you take care of yourself physically, spiritually, mentally? Do you spend time with your family? What do you look like? What does your life look like? Is it out of balance? Excessive initiative is a lack of faith. Too little initiative is fraudulent, counterfeit faith. You need the right amount. How many hours a day? What industry? What are your credentials? What is your life savings? Where are you at? What are your expenses? It'll be different for everyone. What's reasonable? What's reasonable? In every situation, it's reasonable. But let's say you've exhausted what's reasonable, and you find yourself in a predicament like the Jewish people at the sea, with your back to the wall, the Egyptians are chasing you, they're behind, the sea is in front of you. Could you imagine they sit and they talk and they start debating, what is reasonable initiative for us to take in this moment? I'd like to convene a meeting, and the question on the floor, the proposal at hand, is what is the reasonable, what is the understandable, what is the natural amount of initiative for us to take? The Egyptians are getting closer. They don't have time for your reasonable conversation. UberEats some food, we'll have a conference, we'll get together, we'll make name tags, we'll do some icebreaker. The Egyptians are about to come conquer you again. And the sea is in front of you, and there's nowhere to go. And in those moments, in those moments, what do we do? Ein od milvado. Hashem, I got to step into the sea and do something. I don't know that Nachshon ben Amminadav knew the sea would split. I don't know that he stepped into the sea because he knew it would split. Why did he step into the sea? Because he knew he had to do something, and he couldn't go in the other direction. That wouldn't go well. He knew he had to go, move, do something, be active. What would result? What would come? How would the redemption happen? I don't know that he knew. But he knew Hashem, I've exhausted my initiative. You took us out, we left, we've been walking, and now we find ourselves in a corner, backed against a wall. There's nowhere else to go, there's nothing else to do. There is no more reasonable, there is no more natural, there is no more what's understandable. All there is left is You. All there is left is You. I don't want to say in an emunah shiur the expression borrowed from football when the game is on the line and the clock is running out and the quarterback throws a Hail Moshe. I don't know. We can't in the emunah shiur. We'll coin a new expression. Right? Why does he throw the hail Moshe? If you look statistically, reasonably, naturally, there's very little chance you're going to win the game with the hail Moshe. But he says I've got no other choice. Time is running out, we're down by whatever we're down, and the only way to come through on the other side is to launch and throw the hail Moshe. Nachshon ben Aminadav threw a hail Moshe, because in that moment, that was the most reasonable. And we too have that in our lives. There are moments in our lives, rachmana litzlan there are people who've exhausted every treatment, every therapy, every option known to medicine. So what do they do? Throw in the towel? Say it's over? Just concede? Just surrender? Just say goodbye? They throw a hail Moshe, they say Hashem, at this point I'm ready to walk through the sea. Will you split it for me? I don't know. And statistically unlikely, because we live in a world naturally where disease reaches a certain point and even halacha recognizes that at some point we don't rely on a miracle. And we don't expect a miracle. That doesn't mean we can't ask for a miracle. That doesn't mean we can't start walking and wait, maybe there will be a miracle. And that's true in every area and arena of life when we've exhausted what's reasonable, natural, understandable, and there is no choice because we're backed into the corner, we're backed against the wall as the Jewish people were, squeezed between the proverbial rock and hard place, the Egyptians and the sea, Nachshon threw a hail Moshe. There was no other choice and that's what we do too. So yes, it seems sort of peculiar that our central source, our prooftext for why we take initiative is exactly a case of an initiative which is unnatural, not reasonable, not normative. And yet, it represents for us a prooftext, an example, a case study in when we've done everything that's reasonable, normative, and understandable, and all that's left is start walking and say Hashem, now I'm in your hands. I surrender. I haven't given up, I'm surrendering to you, not to the illness, not to the poverty, not to the I'm getting kicked out of my home. I'm not surrendering to the circumstance, when I feel backed against the wall, I'm surrendering to you because that's all that's left to be reasonable. That's the first part of the question. The second part of the question, what's reasonable in the area of shidduchim, we'll come back to, but let's finish this perek. We're on page lamed vav, the right-hand column. וכך מבואר הדבר בבהירות מסילת ישרים ישליך יהבו על השם לגמרי כאשר ידע כי ודאי אי אפשר שיחסר לאדם מה שנקצב לו. This is what the Mesillat Yesharim the great Ramchal, if you want to learn Mesillat Yesharim with me, we studied it, it's all available. If you go on any podcast player and just put my name in you'll see one of the series is Mesillat Yesharim and we learned it from the introduction till the end. It's completed now as a series, you can go through it in just ten-minute increments. So every day ten minutes and finish Mesillat Yesharim. Mesillat Yesharim, the Vilna Gaon, the Gra, said about Mesillat Yesharim, the Gra, greatest mind of his generation, the Gra, who some consider should be on the status of the Rishonim. The great Vilna Gaon, the great Gra, said, had he could he, he would have walked across Europe barefoot in the snow to be able to learn directly from the Ramchal, רבי משה חיים לוצאטו, the author of the Mesillat Yesharim, who lived in Italy. Mesillat Yesharim is such a work, such a book, and it was written, writes the Ramchal in its introduction, it was written not to be read once. Almost as if he doesn't say it quite like this, if you're only going to read it once, don't bother. It is a manual and a guide that says what you already know, and it works when you read it and reread it and revisit. That's when it works. So it's meant to be studied over and over again, and we had the privilege to learn it together in ten-minute increments, we completed the entire series and even if you learned it then, to fulfill the charge of the Ramchal, listen and learn it again and again and again and you'll always find something new. And you'll be reminded of what you already know. Every motivational speaker you listen to tells you what you know, get more sleep, eat better, be more patient, don't scream at people you love. Everyone says what you know, it's just we keep need to keep hearing it. So it's revisiting. So what does the Mesillat Yesharim say there in perek chaf alef, in chapter twenty-one? ישליך יהבו על השם לגמרי, cast all of your needs, what you're lacking, cast your burden on Hashem entirely. He's basing this on a pasuk in Tehillim. What does the pasuk in Tehillim say? Dovid Hamelech, a pasuk in Tehillim says, says השלך על השם יהבך. תהלים פרק נה פסוק כג. Tehillim, Psalms, chapter, kapitel fifty-five, verse twenty-three. Fifty-five twenty-three. השלך על השם יהבך והוא יכלכלך. I don't know if any Jewish singers turned that into a song yet. They should. It's a good song. השלך על ה׳ יהבך, I don't know. vehu yechalkeleka, yechalkelecha. Cast on Hashem your burden, your crisis, your issue, what you need and He will provide for you, He will take care of you, He will nourish you. By the way, my son-in-law Kalev, accredit him, he told me a beautiful original pshat, an original idea he had in this pasuk. Why does Dovid Hamelech say hashlech? Hashlech means throw. You can't hand it to Hashem? It's a little bit rude to throw it at Hashem. You're throwing it at Hashem your burdens? It's a little bit rude. If you love Him, if you believe in Him, if you have faith in Him, if you surrender to Him, if you see all that He does and all that He gives us as for our own good, hand it to Him and say I don't know why You gave this to me, I'm giving it back to You, help me. You're throwing it at Him? It's the opposite of the image we should have of your giving it to Hashem. So Kalev suggested, when you throw something, there's a moment where you're not holding it and neither is the person who you're giving it to. You're not holding it and neither is the person you're giving it to. There's a moment where you have to just let go of it. And when you cast things to Hashem, it works. If you could hand it to Him, when it's in your hand you think no problem, I got it, I'm in control. Once it's in His hand, you think no problem, it's in His hands, He's got it. But when you're willing to throw it, you're willing to let go. And you need to be able to let go if you're going to let God. First comes the let go before the let God. So that's why Dovid Hamelech says hashlech, throw it, cast it, cast it to Hashem, first let go and then let God. If you could skip right to let God, it'd be easy. But before you could get to the let God, you have to let go. So that's why Dovid Hamelech specifically chose hashlech, cast, throw to Hashem your issues, yahavcha vehu yechalkelecha. So the anyway, the Ramchal Mesilat Yesharim says about this, יסמוך יהבו על השם לגמרי entirely, כאשר ידע כי ודאי אי אפשר שיחסר לאדם מה שנקצב לו. Cast on Hashem entirely, know with certainty, get to a point of confidence, Hashem you're in charge, You're in control. This is all Yours, I work for You, You don't work for me. Whatever the outcome is up to You. Yes I worked hard. Yes I'm giving it my all. Yes I have a work ethic. Yes I'm using my creativity and ingenuity. Yes I'm trying to solve this problem. But at the end of the day, whether it happens or not is entirely on You. כמו שאמרו ז"ל במאמרם, the Gemara in Beitzah, כל מזונותיו של אדם קצובים לו מראש השנה. Our rabbis said the maximum of what you'll earn this year was already determined when? Rosh Hashanah. Will you make that all? Depends. If you stay in bed all day and don't work, no. But if you work all day, can you break through and make more than Hashem has set aside for you? No. So Hashem says, here in the escrow is the money I set aside for you this year. Now if you want to access it, go to work. You can't get it without going to work. You can't transfer the money from the escrow to your account without going to work. You could also work all day and night, you could work as hard as you ever have, and you can't have more than what's in the escrow. So on Rosh Hashanah He decided and determined the maximum of what we can get, but we can't get it until we have the combination of initiative, working for it, and emuna and tefilla asking for it. אין אדם נוגע במוכן לחברו אפילו כמלוא נימה. I can't say, what do you mean that that's all You set aside for me? You know, but that other person, they've got more than they need. So I'm gonna tap into their escrow. You know what happens when you mingle escrow funds? You end up in jail. You end up disbarred. For one year, believe it or not, when I was assistant rabbi, I was voted and I served on the Florida State Bar Grievance Committee. It was fascinating. It was a lawyer I knew who thought that I would enjoy it and nominated me for the Florida Bar Grievance Committee. We met monthly and cases, grievance accusations that came to the bar in a file would come before our group and an investigation was done and we'd make our recommendation to the state about what should be done. For the lawyer who was caught smoking in the airport bathroom and there was a bar grievance, to the lawyer, this was one of my favorites, whose wife found in her home in her husband's file cabinet a counterfeit divorce document of his with her because he was having an affair and kept telling the woman I'm leaving my wife and she didn't believe him, so he counterfeited a divorce and she found it and not only divorced him but then levied a bar grievance against him. Anyway, they were fascinating cases and investigations. By far, I learned many things from it, which I could share in another context, but by far, by far, by far, by far. Most of the grievances were from victims of people whose lawyer intermingled and mixed up escrow funds. Escrow funds. The lawyer had money of theirs in escrow and used it and needed it for another case. Mixed up escrow funds. That was by far the most accusations that came up. That came up. So Chazal said, you want to say look, that's my escrow fund. Hashem said I can make this, but I want more than this. I want that. And you know, I noticed my neighbor, they have a big fat escrow fund. They've got a lot more than they could possibly need or use. So I'm gonna tap into theirs a little bit. I'm gonna transfer and mingle from their funds. No, no, no. Chazal say that can't and doesn't ever happen. אין אדם נוגע במוכן לחברו אפילו כמלוא נימא. So when that new store, when that competitor, when that other person leaves you and then opens up the same business even though you trained them and taught them everything, and you now feel personally violated, attacked, compromised, now you feel they're taking my business, my livelihood, my customers, Chazal say no, no, no, they can't. Impossible. Whatever you're meant to make, whatever you're meant to have, no one can touch it. No one can tap into it. It is impenetrable. It's bulletproof. Nobody can get it. So competitors can open all around you and undercut you and ruthlessly market against you. They can try as hard as they want to steal your clients and even seem like they're succeeding. But whatever you're meant to make is what you'll have. And whatever the other person was meant to make is what they'll have. Doesn't mean what they're doing is nice and perhaps you need to take them to a din Torah or hold them accountable. Nobody's saying that we don't have within our right to hold them accountable. But theologically, religiously, spiritually in our relationship with Hashem, know that אין אדם נוגע במוכן לחברו אפילו כמלוא נימא. Nobody can touch what's meant for you even a thread, even something minuscule. וכבר היה אדם יכול להיות יושב ובטל והגזירה היתה מתקיימת אם לא שקדם הקנס לכל בני אדם בזעת אפך תאכל לחם. In fact, so determined from above, so allocated above was it that each of us have what we're meant to get that technically and until our ancestor Adam and Chava messed up, we were meant to just sit back and once a year we'd be trust fund babies. We'd just get what's in the trust fund for us. We wouldn't have to go to work. We wouldn't have to toil. So was it designed that Hashem would establish trust funds for each of us and each year allocate into that trust fund what we need to live. Don't have to go to work. You don't have to earn an income. You don't have to toil. No sweat and tears. Just transfer. Then what happened? Our ancestor messed it up. And Hashem said, you're out. New rules for the trust funds. I'll still transfer into it, but you can't access or tap into it, you can't transfer out of it without hard work. So Rav David Abuchatzeira is pointing out, yeah, we've got a technical problem called hishtadlus. You've got a technical problem called now we need to work. Now we need to take initiative. But we simultaneously need to know that while we need to take initiative and work in order to access and transfer out, it is already set in. It's already determined and allocated. אשר כן חייב אדם להשתדל איזה השתדלות צורך פרנסתו שכן גזר המלך העליון. That's how Hashem now runs His world, that we need to take initiative. הרי זה כמס שפורע כל מין. This is a tax He's levied on us, אשר אין להמלט ממנו, you can't escape it. על כן אמרו יכול אפילו יושב ובטל תלמוד לומר בכל משלח ידך אשר תעשה. You won't get better without going to the doctor. You can't earn an income without going to work. You won't get married without participating in a reasonable way in an effort to get married. Whatever, you're not going to, your health, you can't preserve your health unless you live a lifestyle that is healthy. בכל משלח ידך אשר תעשה. Hashem has a trust fund, it's there. He transfers be'khol mishlach. He transfers, the way to access the trust fund is asher ta'aseh. Yadcha, your hand, initiative, effort. אך לא שההשתדלות הוא המוח. But no, so now you'll think, I need to take initiative and effort in order to draw from the trust fund. So where did the money come from? My initiative and effort, right? No, wrong. It came from whoever, whoever funded the trust fund. The fact that the way you get the money, right, let's say, and halevai, somebody set up a trust fund for you. So they put a million dollars in a trust fund. And they said to you, in order for you to get the trust fund, once a year you need to send an email and in the email you need to write the following. When you wrote the email and you accessed and you were able to transfer out the million dollars, what was the source, the cause, who gets the credit for your having a million dollars? Your email? No, just the rules of the trust were that you have to write the email to get it. But you're a fool if you think that your email is why you have a million dollars. You have a million dollars because of the graciousness, the generosity, the giving, the magnanimity of the person who funded the trust. They just happened to set up a rule, a technicality, you gotta send an email to get it. Hakadosh Baruch Hu says, I put brachas, whether it's a million dollars, whether it's your eyesight and your hearing and your knees and your hips and your ankles, whether it's your marriage, whether it's your children and grandchildren, whether it's the roof over your head, whether it's I have a trust fund filled with bracha shefa bracha. Here's the deal, to access it, you gotta take initiative. But never for one moment think that your initiative is why you have that bracha. The bracha is because I funded your trust with bracha. The technical way that you access it and transfer from it is the initiative you take. ידך משלח ידך אשר תעשה וכיון שהשתדל הרי יצא ידי חובתו וכבר יש מקום לברכת שמים שתשרה עליו ואינו צריך לבזבז ימיו בחריצות והשתדלות. It changes the whole mentality and the whole attitude. Yes, I need to go to work. Yes, I take initiative. But when I make the deposit of my income, of my paycheck, I pause. It's a spiritual moment. You don't get if you're on autopay. Or when you set up the autopay you get it briefly. But if you actually get your paycheck and deposit it, whatever it is, every other week, weekly, monthly, however often, that's not a mundane or profane or secular act. That's not a reward for your hard work. That is an invitation and opportunity to pause and look at the paycheck and say, thank you Hashem. Whatever clients, whatever customers, whatever profits were made, whatever job I still have or I'm succeeding at, it is all from you. Because there's someone else who's similarly as smart or charismatic or has a work ethic or had ideas and you know what? They're not holding that paycheck in their hand. Or it doesn't have the same amount. So as I deposit it, each deposit of a paycheck is an invitation and opportunity to say, thank you Hashem. And to go onto the thank you Hashem WhatsApp group and say Tehillim. Each is an opportunity to say, thank you Hashem. So what Rav David Abuhatzeira is saying it transforms our entire attitude and approach towards life. Towards life. You walk out of the doctor's office and the worst thing in the world is to walk out of the doctor's office particularly if it's one of your children and they say, I think it's a virus, I have no idea, good luck, hopefully it'll go away. That's the worst outcome. When they say, triple ear infection and strep and, you say, thank you! Within three doses of the antibiotic, we're going to be on our way back to better and back in school. I don't mean thank you, I'm sorry, I don't know why they have to suffer and get it to begin with, but at least you know there's a path and a timetable for hopefully and a likelihood of turning it around, please God. So when you go to the pharmacy to pick up the medicine, when you give the first dose do you say, oh, I'm such a good parent. I knew there was something wrong. I knew they didn't just cry all night because they were, I knew there was an ear infection, I saw them touch the ear so I knew. So I took to the doctor and the doctor insisted it wasn't, and I made him take a second strep test because the short one said no, but I knew because this is the way my child gets strep so I knew. So I insisted antibiotic even though the quick strep test didn't come back. Parent of the year! I want a trophy, I want to be honored in Shas, Sisterhood, the shul dinner, I want it all. Parent of the century! And we're tempted. And you know what? You're a good parent. Pat yourself on the back all you want, you're a good parent, you deserve it, shkoach. But when you fill that prescription say to yourself, not this is a mundane, profane, miserable, why do I have to go to the pharmacy to fill it? Say oh, Hashem, thank you. You are the great doctor, you are the great diagnostician, you are the great pharmacist, you are the great biopharmaceutical company who came up, you are the great, what's his name who came up with antibiotic? Fleming? Right, that's right. Thank you. I'm somewhat educated. Thank you, Hashem. But all of that, all of that is a moment and an opportunity for the religious experience of saying, thank you Hashem. Yes, my initiative was I insist on going to the doctor, I insist the antibiotic nonetheless. Yes, my initiative was going to the pharmacy, picking it up, having the insurance covering it, all that's my initiative. But never mistake for a moment that your child was diagnosed and will get better because. you. It's Hashem who put the bubblegum antibiotic in a trust for the child who will have the ear infection and will be able to make that better and go away. So whether it's going to the doctor, the diagnosis, and the treatment, whether it's going to work and a paycheck to deposit, whether it's not I insisted the shadchan, the shidduch, I insisted you continue to date and look at the happily ever married and look it was me, and isn't it amazing? And one should be happy and one should take credit, and we have amazing stories. My wife baruch Hashem has made many and continues to work and try, and my favorite shidduch she ever made was two people who she insisted belong together. And when they went out after three dates they said, thank you, we appreciate the suggestion, it's not for us. And it still haunted her and bothered her and I had to live with that for many months later that they're wrong and they don't understand. And so she called the guy and said, you know, without talking to her, you know she wants to give it another try, are you open to it? And she called the young lady and said, you know, he wants to give it another try, are you open to it? And both said, I have nothing else going on, if they want to give another try I'd be open to it, and now they have a beautiful big family and a healthy wonderful marriage because it turns out she was right and they did belong together. So you could say look at me, they walked away, they would have never found, they wouldn't be with the person they belong with, they maybe not have this big family, but me, I'm the shadchan of the year, I should be honored by every shidduch organization, the cover of every magazine. And you should, because you're amazing and maybe you're listening to this now, you should, you should, you should. But if you're successful in making a shidduch, you know who the big mezaveig zivugim in the sky, it's all Who put that idea in your head, Who gave you that insane ingenious idea to pull that stunt and tell each one the other one wanted to go out again, which wasn't even the craziest stunt she pulled in shidduchim, but who gave you that, it's all Him. Our whole life from when we wake up to fall asleep is now a religious experience and journey of whether it's the paycheck we're depositing or the antibiotic we're picking up or the shidduch that we're redding or insisting or encouraging, it's all you, it's all Him. Yes, I have to take the initiative because you're working through me, I have to send the email to tap into the trust, I have to protect the endowment to disperse it, yes, I have to do my part, but ultimately it is all, it is all Him. With that we finish this perek, im yirtzeh Hashem we'll start the next next week. We'll take a poll about moving the time, I feel like I'm taking my life into my own hands, we'll take a poll about moving the time and I love the idea of turning off the stream and only for those who come in person continuing with a short ten minutes of questions and answers on emunah or anything each week afterwards, we'll toy with that for next week as well. Should be a good day, a meaningful day Yom HaZikaron as we pay tribute to our heroes who gave their lives for what we have, we should hear בשורות טובות ישועות ונחמות.
