Transcript
Okay, good morning, boker tov, good morning, may we hear בשורות טובות ישועות ונחמות, welcome back, the first emuna shiur of the new year. It's great to be back together. I want to thank our generous emuna shiur sponsors, Dr. Zavi and Bella Morgan, sponsoring in memory of Rabbi Dr. Brian Galbut, and in memory of Bella's mother, Dr. Ellen Chanzer. This morning's shiur is also sponsored by David Bloch in memory of his brother Bradley and his parents Bela and Roy Bloch, and Ilana Ben-Delen, first yahrtzeit of her father leilui nishmas שמואל יצחק אליהו בן רב פנחס אהרן, very very special man who lived with emuna and selflessly helping others. Baitan Hachstern in honor of his wife Shula Hachstern's birthday, very happy birthday to Shula, should be a great year. And lastly, a shiur is dedicated in memory of my beloved aunt, Mrs. Malky Lazar, אסתר מלכה בת שמואל, my beloved aunt lived with a tremendous emuna. Her husband, my uncle, passed away very suddenly on an Erev Succos of a massive heart attack out of nowhere sitting over a table learning a sefer. She passed away Erev Yom Kippur. In both their cases their family didn't get to sit a proper shiva, she was a tremendous beacon of emuna, a source of a lot of light and strength and faith as she suffered for several years with her illness before passing away, but she continues to inspire me and my family, so our shiur is in her memory as well. Okay, as always, we're going to begin with some emuna emails and get back into the beautiful teachings of Rav Yitzchak Meir of Itchamayer Morgenstern in Bayam Darkecha. I want to thank everyone who sends in the emails, I don't get a chance to read them all in the shiur but I do read them all. In fact, my whole Rosh Hashana drasha was one of those emails which I think you'll agree with me was an incredibly powerful email of the person who October 7th changed her entire perspective from the challenge of her child with the bone illness to saying at least I know where my child is and I can hug them and the whole perspective was a powerful email, so thank you to please continue sending the emails whether I'm able to read them in the shiur or not. Let's start. Dear Rabbi Goldberg, it was last Motzei Shabbos when our 19-year-old son called to tell me he'd be going into Lebanon along with his plugah, with his unit. To describe the depth of emotions is impossible. I knew that I needed air and headed out for a walk by myself needing a big injection of emuna. I tuned into the latest episode of your podcast. It went straight to my heart and I came back stronger and ready to take this nissayon, this test on. Rabbi Goldberg, the way I got through Rosh Hashana knowing that my son was in Lebanon with no way to communicate with him or receive any update was literally picturing him with a parachute on strapped to Hakadosh Baruch Hu, telling myself he's on the biggest adventure with his best partner. I continue to hold into this image to give me strength as my son continues his mission, may we see nissim veniflaos in our personal lives, our collective lives. So we daven for him and his plugah, his unit as well. And last shiur we spoke about the time that we went skydiving and when you have a tandem dive instead of panicking and say I'm heading towards mother earth I'm going to crash, burn, and die, you say, you know, someone's got my back who knows what they're doing, it's all going to be okay. And the same is true in life. I'm on an adventure, I'm on a ride, I'm flying through the air maybe sometimes 100 miles an hour and it feels like I'm heading straight into a collision, but if we turn around and remember somebody's got our back, we're flying through life tandem, we're connected and attached to Hashem, then we can let go and enjoy the ride. That's the image that she had. We daven for her, for her son, for all those who are fighting in Lebanon and thank you for sharing, that's what got her through Rosh Hashana, can get us through so much as well. Next email. Next email. Gemar Tov, Rabbi Goldberg, want to share some emuna nachas. Since I started listening to the emuna shiurim I've been trying to find ways to incorporate the lessons into my daily life. I've been making an effort to point out the emuna moments and hugs from Hashem especially to my kids, hoping they'll absorb these lessons as well. On Sunday my five-year-old daughter hurt her arm. Baruch Hashem, nothing serious, but on Monday morning it still hurt. Her shoes have a zipper that's a little tricky and she usually tries but can't get it zipped on her own so I ended up doing it for her. Monday morning however she came to show me that she had zipped it herself and she said quote mommy look it was easy for me to zip my shoes today Hashem did it just for me because he knows my arm is hurting if I would have tried harder it would have hurt my arm. It was a small moment but it made me so happy to see that my kids are absorbing the lessons I try to put into action for them. So a beautiful example that we can trickle down. We can trickle down again, I can't encourage you strongly enough, have a family Hashgacha Pratis WhatsApp group, share the stories, little ones like I was able to put my shoe on on my own and I didn't hurt my arm to the wink and the hug and the nod from Hashem. Even using that language, we can all use that language, there are these little things all the time, the wink, the nod, the hug from Hashem. Our kids came down for Yom Tov and they were scheduled to come later this week. So again that goes in the WhatsApp group. Hashem, thank you, it's a nod, it's a wink, it's a hug. There are no coincidences that the empty seats on the plane happened to be near them. That's not chance, it's not random, it's not coincidence. So if we live our life with our eyes open and we look around, we can feel that hug, and we need hugs so badly. Who doesn't need a hug? We need hugs so badly, and there's no one better to get a hug from than—he gives the best hugs. He gives the best hugs. Whatever the best hug means to you, he gives. He's the source of all hugs. He's the original hugger, OG hugger. The OG hugs are from Hashem. So you feel that hug. So you could go through life and you could say, what a coincidence we had empty seats, isn't that nice? Or you could say, thank you, it's a moment, it's a wink, it's a nod, it's a hug. And when we use that vocabulary, we use that language. I've been having this back and forth correspondence with a professor, a woman who's a teacher, she's a teacher and a professor, and she's struggling because she's always taught very high level, highfalutin, the language of certain segments of Orthodoxy: ontological, axiomatic, using high language and concepts. And to talk like we're little children, Hashem loves you, Hashem is winking at you, Hashem hugs you, thank Hashem, talk to Hashem, did you see Hashem? She's struggling, like, is that really us? Does that really have a basis? Is that really—come on, like we're intellectually superior. We don't talk like that. We talk about the evidence and the proofs and the ontological and Hashem as—we talk about the big fancy words. So I'm trying to encourage and give chizuk that no, we do talk like that. And it's not—I'll share with you, we've probably read it before, we could read it again. Rav Soloveitchik, the great Brisker, the great intellectual, the great rationalist, the great Rav, the great Rav Soloveitchik, the great Rav Soloveitchik, he talked about when he talked about Hashem, the feeling of his hand on his shoulder and his love and his presence in his life. He talked about the flavor of Shabbos. It's all in the context of his mother. It's his hesped, his eulogy for the Talne Rebbetzin, and he gets into what his father gave him and what his mother gave him. His father gave him the dry law, his father gave him the vocabulary of the fancy chakiros and lomdus, and his mother gave him the spirit. The feeling, the sense and the sounds and the feelings of Yom Tov, of Shabbos. And he talks about his mother gave him the feeling that Hashem was hugging him. Hashem's guiding hand was on his shoulder. So the big rationalist, the big Brisker, Soloveitchik. So in this correspondence, I'm trying to give chizuk. It is exactly who we are and what we believe. And I would argue the opposite: in an effort to sound so intellectual, we've robbed generations of children, and dare I say, I was a victim of that. With no taina against my teachers, they were amazing and wonderful, and I went to great schools, and I'm so grateful for them, but they weren't comfortable using the language, so they didn't speak it to us about Hashem loves you and feel the hug and the wink and look. What's emuna, what's bitachon, what's dveikus? How do you have a relationship, how do you have a conversation? I had a conversation with someone last night who is taking this Yomim Noraim maybe more seriously than he has any other in his life. And this is a significant person who's been religious his whole life, a ben Torah, a rabbi, and he's taking this Yomim Noraim more seriously maybe than any he has in his life. But he says, what I'm trying to do differently this time than I ever did was to realize it's not just about saying some stuff, it's not just about repeating some stuff, it's not just about klopping some stuff. There's a relationship. I'm trying to show up to a relationship and say I'm in, I'm invested. This is what we're learning, we'll get to in a moment, but here's how I hurt the relationship, here's how I want to grow closer in the relationship. I'm in a relationship. So that language of this is an ongoing relationship with Hashem. How do we use that vocabulary? How do we model that behavior? How do we demonstrate the richness of that relationship? How blessed, how fortunate, how incredible this life is. My sister just sent me this morning an article in the Atlantic about how more and more homes don't have dining rooms. Americans are now designing and building and renting homes and they don't have dining rooms. Now, why? Because if you're not shomer Shabbos, you use your dining room twice a year—Thanksgiving, maybe Thanksgiving and another day if you observe other days. Maybe twice a year. So you don't need a dining room. Are you going to allocate so much square footage when it's so expensive? So they don't have dining rooms. So I said, wow, how blessed are we that we can't live without a dining room? Baruch Hashem, we can't make it through one week. Even this week. Even this week. This Shabbos is Yom Kippur, so we don't need a dining room, right? Yes, we do. There's a meal erev Yom Kippur, and there's a meal after Yom Kippur, and we still need our dining room. We need our dining room. We need our dining room. I know the Jewish women always laugh when they're in Publix the week before Thanksgiving and they're seeing the people, they're frantic with their shopping lists and their menus and their recipes and this meal and their guests and the anxiety the whole year over this one Thanksgiving dinner. You're like big deal I do it three you ever heard of a three-day Yom Tov? Thanksgiving. How about six Thanksgivings in a row? It's called a three-day Yom Tov. Could you have a three-day Yom Tov without a dining room? So how blessed, what a Beracha. Let's use that language that's demonstrate that excitement, that enthusiasm, that gratitude, that appreciation. What a blessed life that we have. How grateful we are for this vocabulary. So this email, she's so grateful and proud that she's using this vocabulary that her five-year-old daughter who heard her arm said, Hashem help me tie my shoe. That's amazing. That's what we want. The challenge is, can we get the kid to still say it when they're 15 and 25 and when they're 50? When they're five, they sing Hashem is here, Hashem is there, Hashem is everywhere. When they're five, it's relatively easy. But then we think that we grow out of it. We grew out of the tooth fairy and we grew out of whatever else. So we grow out of Hashem. Grew out of the tooth fairy, we grow up, there's no tooth fairy. Sorry, spoil it for you. There's no tooth fairy. We grow out of the tooth fairy and we grow out of this language that oh there's a Hashem. Don't grow out of it. Grow into it. Grow more into it. And the email continues. I've been meaning to share another story happened a while ago. Life is busy. Six months ago I was trying to make Pesach while sleep deprived with a three-month-old baby. My bigger kids were already home from school for a few days. Cabin fever was setting in. Their frequent bickering and barb trading was really irritating my frayed nerves. Trying my best to keep quiet, not criticize. At one point I had to run an errand with all my kids. We got into the car as they're arguing as their arguing continued. When suddenly I heard your voice loud and clear through the car speaker saying, just stop fighting over silliness and Narishkeit. Stop bickering and fighting. I couldn't believe my ears. I quickly shushed my kids and replayed what I just heard and said guys, Rabbi Goldberg is talking to you. We were all a little stunned and had a great laugh while recognizing the Hashgacha and the message Hashem was sending us. See earlier that morning I had started listening to episode 304, the Purim episode. When we got into the car my phone automatically connected to Bluetooth it started playing. Crazy thing is it started playing the last five minutes of the Shiur but that morning I was only able to listen to the first few minutes. I'd paused it a couple minutes from the beginning. I have no idea how it started playing right at that point. It was exactly what we needed to hear right then. Thank you for disciplining my children for me. And of course for sharing the life-changing Shiurim which are continuously changing our lives, yada yada yada, blah blah blah. May it be a year of revealed blessings for all of Am Yisrael amen. Again, even in that moment, no coincidences. You happen to put that on. It happened to play at that moment. It's all from Hashem. Last email then back to our text. Dear Rabbi Goldberg, Gmar Chasimah Tovah. I could write to you about the Emunah that comes from having 200 missiles launched at us especially being I was out picking up picking up two kids when the alert popped up on the phone. Seeing what I realized after were the missiles in the sky. Feeling vulnerable in Hashem's hands in a makeshift shelter in the Shul. We didn't have we didn't make it home initially. Baruch Hashem we're fine. The kids in Israel are resilient. In that situation it's easy to feel totally dependent on Hashem and see his miraculous salvation. Many did. If you spoke to your loved ones while they were in bomb shelters with 200 ballistic missiles being fired over all of Israel and millions of people in shelters. That's a lot of Emunah. A lot of Bitachon. A lot of Deveikus. But what I really wanted to share was something small that happened last night after the fast. After Tzom Gedaliah Sunday night. I was debating whether to have a cup of coffee. It would keep me up at night so close to bed, but I opted to make it. I put a coffee pot in the machine started brewing it went out to take dinner from the toaster oven next to it. After removing the food I noticed that the coffee cup was only half full. The liquid had spilled to the side as the cup somehow got moved out of place and I gave an audible groan. And then two things happened. Number one: my initial reaction was to blame my six-year-old son who had come to take something from next to me in the coffee machine while it was brewing. But I held back. In the split second I realized perhaps I was the one who accidentally moved it with the oven mitt I was wearing while taking out the hot food. When everyone asked what happened, why did I groan, I said I must have moved the cup accidentally it caused it to spill. Now I only have half a cup. It was my fault. Number two: second amazing thing that happened is that my wife responded, I guess Hashem must have wanted you to only have half a cup of coffee. I paused internalized what she said and repeated it so the rest of the family in the kitchen would internalize it as well. Wow. I love how you reframe that to see Yad Hashem in the accident that happened. Hashem only wanted me to have half a cup of coffee. Such a small everyday event. Not miraculously being saved by missiles, but still my wife reminded us we're able to see Hashem even when our coffee spills. Gmar Chasimah Tovah. That's a great email because of the contrast. Hashem saves us from 200 ballistic missiles and I spilled the coffee because I was only meant to have half a cup. And Hashem is revealed in both. It's all Hashem. Last email then back to our text. And the last thing I'll leave you off before we turn back page lamed gimmel, ועמדתך מה היא תשובה, is we right now bli ayin hara are outside of the cone. I went online to see how many times I've published this article and how many... Irma, Matthew, how many... hurricanes? Irma, republished again for Dorian, Milton, this is like a Jewish hurricane. But the same article I've rewritten it several different times about how we are always in the cone of uncertainty. And I don't have to tell you, of all people, those who are not listening from Florida can listen carefully, but when that hurricane forms in the Gulf, the Caribbean, wherever it forms, we are watching the cone, right? If you live in California, you hear cone, you think of ice cream. If you're in Florida and you hear cone, you think of hurricane. And that cone indicates... so I always, again, bli ayin hara, I'm so scared to even say this, but when the cone first forms and we're right in the center of it, I feel good, we're going to be just fine. It's when we're definitely outside of it, bli ayin hara, that historically we get a little bit nervous, but please God. But you know, we watch it and we track it and we trace it and we hold onto the updates and we look at the spaghetti models and the European... everyone and their models and the zigzags and the who knows what and we're looking at the cone of uncertainty. And then you realize our entire lives are cones of uncertainty. Have the last few years, the last year in particular, not taught us we don't know what we'll wake up to, we don't know what we'll go to sleep with? Right? And some will be in the cone and some will be out of the cone and will we be spared or... it's really Unesaneh Tokef is the cone of uncertainty. מי יחיה ומי ימות, מי באש מי במים, mi b'mageifah, who by a plague, by a pandemic, who by a missile God forbid, who by fire. We just observed October 7th, we're going to observe in our community together Simchas Torah, the yahrzeit of so many. And that's, that's the Unesaneh Tokef, that's the power of this moment, that's what we're supposed to be feeling is that we are always... so what happens often is after Yom Kippur you break that fast in your dining room, don't give up the dining room, we have to hold onto our dining rooms, we break that fast and then we think, ah, we exhale. Hurricane season's over, Yamim Noraim season is over. Notice how they go together. The season's over and we exhale and we breathe a sigh of relief and I'm out of the cone of uncertainty. I don't have to sing בראש השנה יכתבון וביום צום כיפור יחתמון. I don't have to read מי יחיה ומי ימות, who will live and who will die? I'm done. Hurricane season's over, days of awe, Yamim Noraim season's over, we're out of the cone of uncertainty. Chevre, we are always in the cone of uncertainty. And there are those who will be in the cone and those who will be outside the cone, though those who ultimately will confront that storm and those who will be spared from the storm and we don't take anything for granted. We always have to davven, not knowing about that cone and where we fall in it and which model will come true and will we have a direct hit, will we be spared the worst, will we avoid it altogether? So we take a moment when we say the Tehillim after shiur, let's also have in mind everyone on the West Coast who are in this path who've just not yet even recovered from the last hurricane. We davven from the bottom of our heart. Sometimes we're... we spend too much of our energy with being relieved we're outside the cone, not enough energy channeling the relief into davvening for those who are in the path. If we were in that path, that panic we would have to get out, to spare our things, to hunker down. We've been there, we know what that's like. It's not fun. So we davven, we davven, please God, please God it should miraculously dissipate, take a turn, and everyone should be spared. We're on page lamed gimmel, v'amdatecha. Rav Itche Meyer again has been developing for us this notion that teshuvah, and whenever you're listening to this because clearly Spotify my great shadchan puts it on different episodes for different people at different times, it's relevant all year long, not only during Elul, not only during Tishrei, not only Aseres Yimei Teshuvah what we're learning. But the notion of, of repair, of correction, of repentance has the details, the formula. You have to have regret, remorse about the past, confess, admit the present, and you have to make a commitment and plan for the future. It's the combination of all of those. But to be engrossed, engrossed in the details, in the, in the trees and forget the forest, as I said, my friend who this year for the first time is looking at the Yamim Noraim not only about did I say the Al Cheit, did I show up at the selichos, did I shlug the kaparos, did I, did I, did I, but I'm in a relationship. How's the relationship? Am I... listening? Am I communicating? Am I vulnerable? Ultimately that's what a relationship is all about. Are you willing to be vulnerable? That's the intimacy of a relationship. The willingness to let down the walls, to let down the guard, to let someone in and to say I'm vulnerable. Here's what I'm afraid of, here my dreams and aspirations, here are my worst fears. Here's my imperfection. Do you know I haven't admitted this to anyone else but this is what I struggle with, this is what I've done, and I'm ashamed and I'm trying to make sense of it, to be vulnerable, to be vulnerable. Some that comes natural, some are too vulnerable, and they need to be told whoa whoa whoa, you don't have to put every thought on social media. You don't have to put every your kishkas, you don't have to undress literally and metaphorically on social media. There should be some privacy and some modesty, some people have to be told you need some boundaries. But many, maybe many more have to be taught how do you become vulnerable to your spouse, to friends. And if you can't have relationships, if you can't have relationships in this world how do you have relationship with Hashem? These things go hand in hand. These things go hand in hand. If a person doesn't have vulnerability and relationships in this world, in this life with other people, then can you really have a relationship with Hashem who you can't see, you can't audibly hear, you can't touch? So one of the ways to work on the relation with Hashem is to improve the relationships with people. And the more we're capable of communicating and being vulnerable and connecting and experiencing intimacy with people, then we can experience and explore it with Hashem. Says Rav Itche Meyer, that's what this is about. Yes, you have to put the checks next to the saying slichos, you gotta come Kol Nidrei, you gotta fast, no leather shoes, you gotta have the meal before the fast, you gotta swing either the chicken or the money over your head. There's a long list of things we gotta do. But don't do the checklist and never actually invest in the relationship. That's like being with a spouse and saying took out the garbage, brought you the chocolate, gave you the flowers, made the anniversary card, what's the problem? And your spouse says yeah but you never talk to me. You don't confide in me, you don't let me in, I don't know who you are, I don't know what you're thinking, I don't know what you're feeling. Feeling? Thinking? I took out the garbage. I did the shopping, I got everything on the list. What's the problem? So I could get a roommate for that. I could hire an assistant for that. I don't want that in a spouse, I want a relationship. And that's Hashem wants. Hashem is waiting and he wants not just people who go through a checklist, we have to do that too because you can't have the opposite. The spouse who says I want to confide, I want to tell you everything. Yeah what about the garbage? The garbage? Oh it's not so important. Let me tell you how I'm feeling. Let me tell you my dreams and fears. Yeah but the garbage. Did you build the sukkah? Did you put away... you gotta have both. And Hashem wants both. There's a checklist, we have mitzvos, we have aveiros, we have good things, bad things, right things, wrong things, we've got things, but not to the exclusion or at the expense of the relationship. He wants the relationship. Umimela, I have us on page lamed gimmel, on the left side the middle paragraph. Umimela, עבודה היא בעיקר עבודה פנימית להתקרב ולהידבק בהשם יתברך. The avoda, the work, the effort, the energy, the investment has to be in the relationship. To draw close, to connect, to cling to Hashem. ולהחיות את החיים שלנו אתו יתברך and to live our lives with him. With him. Hashem is in our putting on our shoes, Hashem is protecting us from 200 missiles, Hashem caused us to spill our coffee because we're only supposed to have half a cup. Hashem. השם יתברך לא דורש מהאדם השגה שלמות. Hashem is not asking from us the notion of shleimus, to be whole and complete and perfect. אלא רק שיתאמץ ויעמול לעבוד בכל כוחו. Hashem does not expect perfection. His expectation is not perfection. It's not perfection. It's not perfection. You know you have those parents, the kid who comes home with a 94. There are two types of parents in this world. There are those who say you got a 94? That's amazing, fantastic, so proud. And too many Jewish parents who say it's not bad, what happened to the other six points? What happened to what'd you get wrong? Why'd you get it wrong? So those parents put their children in therapy and ruin them and hurt them and harm them for good. What happened to the other six points? What's the right answer of a parent? I don't care if you got a 70, I don't care if you got a 90. Did you try your hardest? Did you give it your all? Were you disciplined in studying? Were you focused? If you tried your hardest and you gave it your all and represents your best effort, a 70's fine with me. If you got a 90... and you slacked off and you mailed it in and you didn't study because you thought you knew it, I'm pretty disappointed in that 90. Disappointed. It's not the grade, it's the effort, and the Ribono Shel Olam it's similarly not the grade, it's the effort. לא דורש אדם השגה שלמה אלא רק שיאמץ ויעמול לעבוד work, put in an effort, work, show up this season. Show up. B'chol kocho with all your effort. לפי העת והזמן והאדם according to the time and the person מתוך דביקות והכרה בהשם יתברך. Show up in this relationship. Show up. Be invested, make time, communicate, be vulnerable. Show up. ואם כך הוא עושה and if a person shows up אזי אף שעדיין לא תיקן לגמרי you're not perfect. You haven't transformed everything. מכל מקום תשובתו מתקבלת. But your Teshuva is received and loved from Hashem. It's not where you are, it's where you started from. It's where you started from. That's what matters. Not where you are. Someone might have started, I don't know, let's put, we can't do this, but let's for the sake of argument say that religious and righteous life is a scale of one to ten. Some people are born into a nine. Their nature, their parents, their education, their environment, they're born into a nine. And you know what they've done with their life? They slipped to an eight or a seven. Someone else is born at a three and they climb to make it up to a six. So if you look objectively you say, this one's at a seven, this one's at a six. This one's more righteous, more observant, practicing more, more knowledgeable. This one's a seven, this one's a six. Who's greater? The one at the six or the one at the seven? The one at the six is far greater. Hashem cares about which direction we're going in. He cares about which direction. Not where we are, which direction we're at. He doesn't expect perfection. Rebbe Shmaya doesn't quote this, but maybe that's why the Rambam, Maimonides, when he talks about Teshuva, he writes ישתדל האדם לעשות תשובה. A person should make an effort to do Teshuva, which is a very peculiar formulation. He doesn't write that with other Mitzvos. Make an effort to keep Shabbos, make an effort to take a Lulav, make an effort to hear the Shofar, make an effort to not steal and cheat. No, he writes that's the Halacha. Here's how to keep Shabbos, here's how to keep kosher, here's how to keep Yom Kippur. When it comes to Teshuva, he says Yishtadel. Maybe this explains why. Because for the Rambam, Teshuva's not, it's not a question of perfection. It's not a zero-sum game. Teshuva is: did you try? Did you work? Did you show up? Were you disciplined? Did you make an effort? Hashem says then we're good. Then we're good. It's not about perfection. It's about how far we've come, how much we've climbed, which direction we're going in. Which direction we're going in. כי כמו שנתבאר מהותה הפנימית של התשובה היא להשיב את הלב להשם יתברך. The essence, the inside of Teshuva is to return your heart to Hashem. ובזה כל אדם בכל מצב יכול להצליח. Wherever you are, whatever situation, you're in a hospital, you're in prison, you're at home, you're, this is a very hard time for people. The other day I spoke to a woman who's expecting, won't be able to make it to shul probably on Yom Kippur, struggling because in order to fast, but can she really go out and she has responsibilities and feels this is supposed to be a time of growth, and here I am, I'm nauseous, I'm trying not to, whatever, all day long, I've nothing left to grow. And feeling down on herself. You know what I said to her? I said you're not growing, you're growing a life inside you. Is there greater growth than growing a life inside you? That's your job this year. That's your mission. You feel guilty and ashamed? Are you crazy? There's no greater way to imitate God. Again, we give a Bracha to those waiting and longing they should know the experience, please God, and have Nachas from healthy children. But the greatest imitation of Hashem is to bring children into this world. How could you say you're not growing if you're growing a child inside you? That's growth. Those who are home and unable to go to shul because they're raising young children, that's their mission this year. Ai, they only said a tiny percentage of the Machzor. Yeah, that's their job this year. They're growing those little children into beautiful Jewish Neshamos. That's their job this year. A dear beloved member was in the hospital, a young man, in the hospital over Rosh Hashana. How hard that is to be lying in a hospital bed, a young man, got a mysterious virus out of nowhere, and we daven for his complete Refua Shleima, such a special beautiful Neshama. That's where Hashem put him this year. That's where Hashem put him this year. You make the most, you do the best, you say what you can. you can, and if you're in conversation with Hashem from that hospital bed, from that home, from that prison, from that, how about the soldiers? The soldiers who spent Rosh Hashanah instead of in a base, the Beit Medrash, are on an army base or in Gaza or Lebanon, could barely say anything, could barely hear a shofar, that's where Hashem put them this year. That's their job, they're fighting for the Jewish people, that's their mission. So Hashem is not looking, He understands, we are where we're meant to be. A Yid, a Jew is never stuck, we are where we're meant to be. What are we going to do with it? And do we make the most of it? And do we understand that that's our mission, that's our job, that's our responsibility? Are we clinging and connecting and attaching to Hashem from there? לשוב אל השם יתברך בכל לב, with all of our heart, lehaschil lachyot imo, to begin to live with Him. Live with Him. You know when you live with Him? When He's there when you're putting on your shoes and He's there in your cup of coffee and He's there when the missiles are flying overhead and He's there when your flight took off, He's there when you have empty seats in your row, then you're living with Him. But if you only live with Him when you get to shul and open the siddur and in between, oh yeah, I forgot there's a God. I forgot. When I was playing tennis and mahjong, in the mall and going to work and carpool and buying food, I totally forgot all day, everywhere I am, I forgot. I was so stressed out about the flight, would it take off, would it be on time, what would happen with the hurricane, would it be cancelled, I totally forgot. Then we're not living with Him. What He wants from us is live with Him. Put on those glasses, see Him everywhere. כי אין שלמות לנברא, because in the end of the day, He is the Borei and we are the Nivra. This is a theme Rabbi Itamar comes back to, we've seen it several of his works. There's the Borei, the Creator, and there's the Nivra, the created. The Creator is perfect. The created is by definition imperfect. אין אדם בארץ אשר יעשה טוב ולא יחטא. There is no perfect person who doesn't make mistakes. That's why Hashem invented Teshuvah. And Chazal, they, our Rabbis tell us, Teshuvah was one of the things that God created during twilight before creation, means before the world came to be, Hashem said, before Hashem created the pencil, you know what He put on it? An eraser. You know, if you think about it, it's pretty, it's pretty depressing that there's an eraser on a pencil. When you buy the pencil, what the manufacturing company is telling you is, you're going to mess up. So I want to buy a pencil with no eraser. I want to have the confidence, I don't mess up, I get it right the first time, I'm going to be perfect, who needs an eraser? No, Hashem created a world, a world that we're going to write our story, but He put an eraser on our pen, on our pencil. He built the eraser before He created us to say, it's no problem, you're going to mess up, you're going to make mistakes, erase it and draw it again. You got it. He gave us that chance. So there are no perfect people. There are no perfect. We are Nivra. We are created, not Creator. Creator, Hashem, perfect. Created, us, we, imperfect, fallible, fail, mistakes. השם יתברך שהוא בוחן כליות ולב, Hashem, one of the, one of the expressions that we use in our Yamim Noraim davening, is that Hashem examines klayos vlev. He examines our innards, our inner parts, our heart. He knows us. כשהוא רואה שהאדם עושה בכל כוחו, He knows the effort. He knows. He knows. Did you get a 90 but you didn't bother studying? Did you get a 70 and you gave it your all? The 70 when you gave it your all is a higher grade than a 90 when you slacked off. A 70 when you gave it your all, by the way, this is another thing we need to communicate to our children. They live in a world that has these objective measures of the grade that doesn't take into account the effort. And it should, and it needs to. We need to reward and award the child who got a 70, but they worked so hard and overcame so many things to get it. And the kid who got a 90 because they're blessed and born with certain gifts and didn't try at all. We need to reward and we need to use the language of and we need to teach our children which is greater. Why, why should we teach that to our children? First of all, because it's true. Second of all, because of their self-esteem and self-confidence and self-worth and their drive and motivation. But here's the other reason. Because that's what will also give them the truth in their relationship with Hashem. In their relationship with Hashem. Hashem is more impressed with the person, not the person who never speaks Lashon Hara because they're naturally a kind person, they never have the inclination, they would never want to, they never do, it's not enjoyable, takes no effort, but the person who, oh, they love to gossip. They've got the juiciest, most delicious, best gossip and they say, "but you know what? I'm working on it. I'm working on it." So I only share 10 percent of what I had, not the 100 percent. And it worked. Oh, did they have to work hard? They were shvitzing. They were, they had to staple their lips shut. It was hard. Hashem rewards us and waits for us and cares about our effort, not the result if it comes naturally. L'fi matzavo, according to our circumstance, הוא מוחל לו ומקרבו, Hashem forgives us and he draws us close. ובמשך הזמן בעזרת השם יתברך ישלים את תיקון מעשיו עוד ועוד אבל אין זה נוגע לעצם התשובה. And then we'll work on things, so we'll get better, we'll improve more, we'll climb from the sixth rung to the seventh rung to the eighth rung to the ninth rung. But while we're on the sixth rung, don't look up at those in the seventh, eighth, and ninth. Maybe they started on the tenth. Look at where you started, how far you've come. Think about the effort that we've made. Show up. Show up. That's what matters. Show up. I don't mean show up in the checklist only, shlog kaparos, say the Akedas, show up to that too. Show up I mean show up in the relationship. I almost think and ברוך השם בלי עין הרע, I say this not to flex but I worked hard and I think I had a good Rosh Hashanah in this way. I hope we'll all have a good Yom Kippur in this way. It's a long Machzor, there's a lot to say and sing and Yom Kippur will be in shul even longer than we were on Rosh Hashanah. But you know why we're there? Say the words in the Machzor. I don't want you to walk out thinking I said leave the Machzor at home, it doesn't matter. Of course it matters, say it. But it's almost as if Hashem designed, Hashem and our system designed a way that said, stand in shul for one day all day with no distractions, no technology. Food is off the table, drink is off the table, a hot shower is off the table, the cold plunge is off the table, it's all off the table. It's all, I didn't mention it, it's all off the table. And therefore all you have is your thoughts. That's why you're here. It's a meditative day. Have a conversation. If you come out of Yom Kippur and you said every word in that Machzor but you didn't have one conversation, you have nothing to talk to Him about? Children, grandchildren, parents, grandparents, siblings, neighbors, friends. You look back on the year that was, you look to the year that will be. You have nothing to say thank you for? You have nothing to pray and hope or work out and be okay? You have nothing? Now, I know you know there is no one like that right now because of everything going on in Israel. So anyone who fits that with all that's going on in Israel isn't, doesn't have a Jewish soul, is not connected to the Jewish people. You can't. Everybody has. So the whole system is designed, get you there with no distraction and nowhere to go. Hopefully some good tunes to put you in the mood and some good words to give you a little bit of a template. Good. Now, you know what you need to do? Start talking. Conversation. In your heart, with your lips, just talk to Hashem, talk to Hashem. I have on Yamim Noraim, I have it every day in my Tehillim. I've told you before, I have a card that has every member of my family: my parents, my in-laws, my children, their spouses, the grandchildren. There's a little Yehi Ratzon from the Chida to daven for your family every day that I say. I look at that card the whole davening. I just look at their names and I think about their lives, our children, my parents. Overwhelmed with the gratitude and the brachas, not to be taken for granted. And also everybody has their little peckel, their little shtick, their little thing that they need. Everybody should be healthy and successful. Everybody should find a spouse and have their children. Everybody. Who's davening for them if you don't? You don't, we don't have a spouse, a parent, a neighbor, a friend who's in a hard, who's davening for them? And davening for them doesn't just mean like I don't know what, means talk to Hashem. I have this whole conversation, I talk to Him about them over and over and over. He's so sick and tired. Over and over. With this, help this one this, please help that one that, thank you so much for this one that, thank you for the other thing, the other thing. Am Yisrael. I picture Lebanon, I picture Gaza, I picture soldiers, I picture my family, I picture our lone soldiers, I picture all the soldiers, picture hostages, you picture, who doesn't have? It's amazing it doesn't take three days Yom Kippur. Should take a week Yom Kippur. Now you think of Yom Kippur it's not long but how do we pack it all into the one day? So much to talk about, so much to think about, so much to be thankful for and to daven for the things that we don't even know we need to daven for. How many years in a row have we been saying that? Did you know before COVID to daven that... there wouldn't be a pandemic? I didn't. I should have because we say every year mi bamageifa, who from a pandemic. Say it every year. In my whole life I never once davened, Hashem please don't let me die in a pandemic. I never knew the word pandemic. It's for history class. Who ever heard the word pandemic. We didn't even know to daven. Did we know to daven that there wouldn't be an October 7th? We didn't even know. Who knew to daven? Who knew to- we don't even know what we need to daven for. And I know that there are people in this room and in our shul in this community that we need to daven to survive childbirth, do we need to daven to- do we need to daven for things that so fragile, life is so vulnerable, we don't even know what we need to daven for. So Yom Kippur 25 hours is not enough. It's not enough. Okay, I'm not, I'm not suggesting we need another day. It is enough. But now take advantage. That's why before Yom Kippur, put some work, some thought, make that note card, write some notes, write some notes. On that note card, one side is my family and the other side I have a list of people every day, especially Yamim Noraim. Again, I'm saying this not to flex but to hopefully invite you to be a partner with me and do it too. The other side of that card has these are trying to get married, these are trying to have children, these are people who need a refuah shleima. And it gets updated for two reasons. It gets updated for two reasons. It gets updated because Baruch Hashem that one got married, this one had a baby, this one got better, recovered. And nebach it gets updated because people passed away. And their names, I'm sure you have this experience, it's among the hardest things in the world to cross off a name. Those names that flow off your lips, sometimes for days, weeks, months, years, you davened for them and when you stop davening for them or you cross their name off. So that's one of the things we daven, Hashem, I got columns here. Let's move the refuah shleima list to the they got better column, let's not move them God forbid to the other one. That's like an hour of a conversation of meditating, of thinking, of losing yourself, of three boxes of tissues. That's what we're here for. That's what it's about. It's not this checklist. It's got to be real, vulnerable conversation, talking, moving columns, walking in with lists. That's what it's all about. That's what it's all about. I wanted to get to the end of this piece but please God we will resume. We'll see where we pick up, whether with this or something new, but I want to wish everyone a gmar chasima tova, should be a good gebentsht year, we should be sealed for a year of bracha, hatzlacha. Let's move everyone to the refuah shleima, to the they got better column. Let's move everybody off our list, they got married, they had babies, they got better, let's move they became safe, the hostages went home, the soldiers rejoined their families. Please stay for Tehillim, let's daven for Israel, let's daven for ourselves, let's also daven hard for those on the west coast of Florida and this hurricane, gmar chasima tova.
