Transcript
Good morning, good morning, *boker tov*. *Chag sameach*. This morning's *Emunah Shiur*, it's great to be back together, great to be learning and growing in our *Emunah*, reinforcing our *Emunah*. I hope people had *Emunah* even while we were on break. Our *Emunah Shiur* is generously sponsored by Dr. Zavi and Bella Morgan in memory of Rabbi Dr. Brian Galbut in memory of Bella's mother Dr. Ellen Chanzer. We remain incredibly grateful to the Morgans for their generous sponsorship. This morning's *Shiur* is sponsored *likavod* the recent *Rosh Chodesh* in memory of Dr. Jacob M. Hiller. It's also sponsored *l'ilui nishmas* שושנה פייגא בת חיים יצחק, a beacon of *Emunah* whose second *yahrtzeit* is today, and in honor of the Kleinfeld and Michelle families. Very grateful to my good friend for his generous sponsorship in honor of the Kleinfelds and Michelles. A lot to catch up on. It's been a little bit of time since we met since before *Pesach*, right? Okay, so it is good to be back together and back together working on our *Emunah* together. Let me share with you a couple quick emails I got that of course again are examples of putting *Emunah* into practice. *Emunah*'s not academic, *Emunah*'s not theoretical, conceptual, *Emunah*'s not something that is in a book, and *Emunah*'s not something that you acquire. You can't buy it in a store, you're not *yotzei Emunah*, you don't fulfill it like hearing the *shofar*, taking the *lulav* and *esrog*. *Emunah* is a way of life, *Emunah*'s a perspective, *Emunah*'s a way of being, *Emunah*'s a way we engage the world, *Emunah* are the pair of glasses we wear and the way that we see and perceive the world. That every time somebody shares with us or sends in their personal *Emunah* story, it's to me an enormous *chizuk* because here we talk about it every week but when people are putting it into practice, it reinforces and reminds us and inspires us that we can too. So I got a great email from our friend, I think it's okay to use her name, Hensha Gansberg, our dear friend Hensha who's moved to Israel where she forwarded me an email she got from her child, from her daughter. Hi mom, just tried calling you, you're probably already going to sleep. I found Living with *Emunah* with Rabbi Goldberg online. I randomly chose one to listen to and it began he thanked you for sponsoring the class in honor of Rabbi Gansberg. Coincidence? Or what I would call a God wink, a wink from *Hashem*. So here you had somebody who put on the *Shiur* and randomly chose one, we're up to number what number are we up to? 267. So we have a lot of *Emunah Shiurim* up there and out of 267 *Shiurim* she chose the one that her mother sponsored. So she got to hear me introduce it by thanking her mother. There are no coincidences in life. Got another email. Dear Rabbi Goldberg, I listen to your *Emunah Shiur* every week, I find the *Emunah* stories very uplifting. This week I have to share a story. I *daven* every day that *Hashem* should keep my husband, my children, my grandchildren safe on the highways and byways of life. I went to get gas and after doing some shopping drove home. I was nearly home when my car started sputtering. It made a screeching noise and it turned off. What was remarkable is that it happened as I turned into the street where I live. My husband tried to restart the car but found it too dangerous to drive and the car had to be towed. One might say it was a coincidence it happened so close to home and that I was very lucky, but I choose to think of it, it was *Hashem* who delivered me safely to my house. So again, whether it is seeing the seeming coincidences in life, nothing is coincidence, nothing is random, nothing is chance, everything is designed from above, everything is *Hashem*. And to live life with that perspective, with that attitude, with those glasses. You didn't just happen to get that parking spot. You didn't just happen to make that flight. The light didn't just happen to turn green. A person didn't just happen to call you at that moment and you didn't just happen to choose that episode and it turned out your mother sponsored it. Everything is by design, there is nothing which is a coincidence. And I'll give you one more and one last and one very powerful, powerful example. So I'm not going to rehash the entire thing, maybe you know of it by now and if you don't, I wrote about it last week, you can find it online. But over *Pesach*, *Chol HaMoed Pesach*, when tragedy struck Israel and the Jewish people and decent people all over the world when a wicked, evil, heinous, terrible terrorist, who should still be caught and eliminated from this world, extinguished three beautiful lights in the Dee family. Lucy, Maia, and Rina Dee, who were simply on a *tiyul* on *Chol HaMoed*, the family, Dee family, had gone in two separate cars and they were in the back car and the terrorist opened fire, killing Lucy, Maia, and Rina Dee. A horrific, terrible, unbearably painful tragedy. And the whole Jewish world tuned in. *Rav* Leo, Leo Dee, the husband, the father, was a beacon of *Emunah*, of faith, of strength, and still is. I woke up to four voice notes from him this morning reminding me to make *aliyah*, *Yom HaAtzmaut*. *Baruch Hashem*, he's become, it's amazing how souls can feel so connected having spent so little physical time together but can feel so connected. Anyway, at the first funeral, the funeral of his two daughters, his wife held on a couple more days, he mentioned in the funeral, he said people ask me where do I get *Emunah*, how do I have faith in a moment like this? And he said, I learned in... humbled, feel grossly inadequate, but I'm at least reassured by the fact that I don't say anything in the shiur, I just repeat the same thing every week and I say things from others and I read emails from others. So I just have the privilege, enormous privilege of being the one sitting here in this side of the table, on this side of the camera, but it's all your emails and it's all the Torah of the sefarim of the tzaddikim that we're learning, it has nothing to do with me, but but he found it and he learns from it. And then the next funeral for his wife, he referenced again. And then at the shiva he kept quoting things from our emuna shiur. And so I felt incredibly, incredibly connected and that I had to get on a plane and had to go see him, which I did last week with my friend Rav Shai Shechter whose shiurim he also listens to. And it was an enormously powerful experience and I'm not going to rehash it now for lots of reasons, including there's no tissue box on this table near me. It was an enormously powerful experience to go for a day and to sit with him and to as I said, you know, he mentioned that for 10 years, for 10 years, for a decade he's been listening and learning, and I felt like our neshamas have been chavrusas together. Our souls have been chavrusas, our souls have been singing, our souls have been studying, our souls have been learning, and it's amazing the power of Torah. And the article I wrote is just the amazing power you don't know. Those of you who send me emails and share your story, thank you. You don't know someone listening to that story how it changes or impacts their life. Not me, you. You don't know who saw you make your bracha this morning, who saw you caffeinate with kavana and it changed the way they make brachos forever. You don't know who saw you this morning save a seat or help a friend or or collect the source sheet afterwards or bring tissues. You don't know. None of us know the power of our souls connecting in a metaphysical way. We only have we can only see physically here on earth. We have physical eyes and physical bodies and we see physically, but metaphysically what's happening in the world of our souls and what's happening all around us, we have no idea who we're singing with and who we're sitting with and who we're studying with. We have no idea what's happening. The impact we have, people's impact on us, we have no idea. It was incredibly powerful. It was incredibly powerful. Anyway, so I got an email. There was a someone in Efrat who hosted us, a beautiful family, an amazing family who I had also not met but also feel connected through the Torah learning. I don't have permission to use their name, but I'll read her her email. A very beautiful, beautiful family. About a month ago, our eldest daughter finished learning Nach Yomi and asked me what I thought she should learn next. Hold on, I have to tell you a story to introduce this email. So at the shiva in this tent in his backyard with recording devices and sitting next to two cabinet members of the government and so Rav Leo, we exchanged a hug and words and it was incredibly powerful and I'm still processing the experience. But anyway as we're talking and he said for 10 years he's listening he said, do you remember that we had a correspondence, do you remember my email to you? Now in the rabbinate and in life you have certain moments of truth where you don't have a lot of time to think and you have a decision what to make. Right, like every time you meet someone and they say do you remember me? What's my name? You know, you have to decide which way you're going to go and I think honesty's always a very good policy. So I said to him, remind me. I didn't say no, I don't remember. I just said remind me. Remind me. And he reminded me of an email he had sent and it was an email that I read in the emuna shiur. He told an incredible story during corona, during the lockdowns, when he was still trying to go visit his parents and he was stopped in the country because he wasn't really allowed in. And we had spoken about, maybe you remember this, we had spoken about the significance of using people's names. Our name, Hashem's name, and when we use people's name, we give them value, we make them feel visible, we elevate and we lift them. The power of using a name, when you go to Publix and you say thank you to the cashier or the valet you ask their name and thank you for bringing my car, or you use a name, you use a name, it has a very, very powerful impact. So he sent me this whole story about how he got stopped and he wasn't going to be allowed in and he was put in detention in the airport. But the person who escorted him there, he said what's your name? And then he kept using his name and he created a personal connection. And by the end he was walking out of the airport to go visit his parents. And the emuna non-coincidence part of it, he went to go buy something and and he was given money because he was going to be in detention, he needed food to make it till the next flight. Even though he was able to leave, he still had that money, he was going to buy something, there was nothing kosher in the store except for these chocolates which were exactly the chocolates his children asked him to go get and to bring. It was a beautiful story about he was listening, using the name, and emuna, Hashem always has a plan, and the non-coincidence of the chocolate. It was a beautiful, beautiful email from Leo Dee. And I read it and I shared it. I didn't remember it, I'm embarrassed to tell you. I didn't remember it. So again, just another powerful connection of of that story. So then I get this email. About a month ago our eldest daughter finished learning Nach Yomi and asked me what I thought she should learn next. I suggested that she start listening to the living with Emunah shiurim. She started for the beginning and as Hashem would have it, she got up to the shiur in which you read Rabbi Leo Dee's letter today. And she sent me this email on the day of the shiva call when I met her. So she got up to that episode where I read his letter on the day that I met him and that I was with their family. Anyway, there are no coincidences is basically what I'm taking a long time to try to tell you. There are no coincidences everything is from Hashem and he's messaging us all day all day when you think you randomly pressed play and what you heard there's nothing random. Everything is by design. The holy Ba'al Shem says and the Mishna in Avos דע מה למעלה ממך. If you know what is above you, ayin ro'eh, ve'ozen shoma'at, וכל מעשיך בספר נכתבים. The simple understanding or translation of that Mishna in Avos is know what is above you. So ayin ro'eh, know that you're being watched. Our generation appreciates this more than any that came before because we are always being watched. There are satellites and Google cameras and Street View and you're never, there's cameras in this room, you're being watched. We didn't understand this, this Mishna made no sense until the modern era. We can relate to the notion that we're always being watched ve'ozen shoma'at and we're always being listened to. The digital fingerprint that we're leaving online וכל מעשיך בספר נכתבים and therefore what we do it's all being recorded and one day we're going to have to sit and watch the story of our life every choice we make everything we said everything we heard everything we did. That's the simple understanding of the holy Ba'al Shem, zechuso yagen aleinu, the Ba'al Shem Tov interprets the Mishna differently. Ba'al Shem Tov says: דע מה למעלה ממך, know that there's someone and something above you. Nothing in your life is chance, nothing your life is random, nothing in your life is coincidence, everything is orchestrated curated choreographed everything is by design. דע מה למעלה ממך, there's someone there's something bigger than you there's something happening around you there's someone in charge of you and therefore ayin ro'eh what you see you were meant to see ve'ozen shoma'at and when you press play what you hear you were meant to hear וכל מעשיך בספר נכתבים. Now what are you going to do with it? What are you going to do with it? You saw something you heard something say something it's not just a security message but you heard something you saw something do something is a Pirkei Avos message. It's a Chazal message. It's a Hashem message. It's a Torah message. It's an emunah message. Don't turn away don't look away don't stop listening what you see and what you heard you're meant to see and what you're meant to hear and you're meant to extract and take a message and you're meant to react and you're meant to grow and do and meant to do something. So I'm not even sharing with you all of them but how many times somebody sends me I randomly put on one of the shiurim and that day you said this that I needed to hear wanted to hear didn't want to hear. There's no randomness. And that's true for all of us. When you get in that car or you go on that walk or you're starting to cook for that Shabbos and you press play what did you listen to and why were you meant to hear that song or that podcast or that shiur or that thing. עין רואה ואוזן שומעת because דע מה למעלה ממך there's someone and something bigger and above us. There are no coincidences everything is by design and it gets us through and we can lean on it and it is our anchor. Now for the Dee family whom we daven for they should have strength after this Yom HaZikaron his daughter wrote a beautiful beautiful article powerful painful article her connection to Yom HaZikaron until now what it meant and now how she never thought or see herself as one of those families. It's powerful. It's painful. It's painful but that family demonstrating emunah and so many others mentioned yesterday in the parsha shiur אחרי מות שני בני אהרן the Jewish people's story is Yom HaZikaron into Yom Ha'atzmaut is going from Acharei Mos to standing up and to going forward and going weiter in life with faith what's our next mission what's our next message what are we meant to do next. That's our story. That's our story. How can you, how can you get through anything without emunah? How do you do it without emunah? You gotta live with emunah. Emunah is our anchor. And as we mentioned on Shabbos HaGadol that's the other thing in the shiur. I told you I say nothing new. As we mentioned as we said as I previously as I like to repeat how you keep coming back. God bless you. So the coffee must be really good. So we spoke about this article I shared with you if you don't know the source sheets they might still even be in the lobby you can find them online or I'm happy to send you but I shared an article from one of my Rebbeim Rav Leuchter whose Rebbe Rav Wolbe they paid a shiva call to this great Rosh Yeshiva who had lost his wife and the Rosh Yeshiva said everything Hashem does is for the good and she's in a better place and I'm so lucky to have had her when I had her and we're all good and we're all good. And Rav Wolbe writes they walked out Rav Leuchter said to his Rebbe wow he's amazing that was amazing and Rav Wolbe said it is amazing and it's genuine he believes in Hashem the emunah is genuine but he's going to crash. He's going to crash he's going. going to implode, his emunah's going to go into crisis. So Rav Lichter said, what do you mean? And he said, because when you suffer loss, when you grieve, when you're in pain, when you have a crisis, when something's hard, whether the magnitude of what the Dee family or something much more insignificant and inconsequential, but when you're going through something hard emunah doesn't mean to ignore or pretend or mask or numb. Emunah means to realize this is painful, to lean into that pain, to eat and chew on that maror, but to say, you know what, I have emunah that it's not random, it's not chance, it's happening for a reason and I will get through it. There will be an achari mos, there will be a day after. He likened Rav Lichter based on Rav Wolbe's beautiful idea that emunah is the anchor. If you're caught in a storm and the winds are blowing, it's a category five, the boat feels like it's going to turn over, emunah's not to pretend that there's no storm raging around you, emunah's to remember that you have an anchor. So therefore you hold on for dear life and you're afraid and your heart is racing and your blood pressure is high, but you have an anchor and you remember the anchor. And that is the emunah in these extraordinary cases, and that is the emunah in our lives, and the emunah in our lives. I visited with רב אשר וייס שליט"א when I was in Israel for that day, we spent some time together, and we were talking about this, these losses and people and the tragedy and the challenges our community knows unfortunately too well and some here know very very personally too well. And he told me a teshuvah of the Radvaz. The Radvaz has a teshuvah where he was asked, somebody had lost a loved one and didn't cry the whole shiva. And was asked by someone, the Radvaz was asked, is that something we should admire? Someone who goes through shiva and doesn't cry because they have faith in Hashem, is that something to admire? And the Radvaz writes a lashon, he said it by heart, I don't remember it by heart, but the Radvaz uses a language that not only is that something that not to admire, but he says that is middas achzarius, that's cruelty. It is a demonstration of cruelty to lose and not cry? It's cruel. It's cruel. And it's based on the Rambam, we saw that on the Shabbos HaGadol drasha, that's based on the Rambam. To mourn excessively is a lack of faith because we believe there we will be reunited and we believe there is a world to come and we believe in the immortality of the soul, so to cry excessively, to harm yourself, the Gemara says, the pasuk says, the Torah says that לא ישרטו שרטת לא תתגדדו, you're not allowed to carve your skin in a loss. You can't cut yourself. To mourn and grieve excessively is to be unfaithful to core principles of immortality of the soul and that we'll be reunited, resurrection and so on. To not mourn or grieve at all is also unfaithful, it's cruel. It's to not feel pain, it's to not recognize that it's okay to feel pain and to feel hurt. So what gets us through? The anchor, the compass, the anchor, depends on the day, we'll use a different metaphor, but what gets us through the challenging situations of life is emunah, is that emunah. You can't wait till you need it to find it. You gotta be working on it all the time. You can't wait until you need it to find it, that's why we get together every week and work on it. We're on the bottom of page ayin chet, 78. Bottom of page ayin chet. I'm still processing that whole trip, that whole experience, that whole new relationship that's an old one, and if there's something worth sharing I will, but still processing, still so powerful. בא וראה אפילו משה רבינו עליו השלום רעיא מהימנא שהתורה מעידה עליו בכל ביתי נאמן הוא. See where we are, we're learning Rav Gamliel Rabinowitz bottom of page ayin chet, 78, Tiv HaEmunah. Rav Gamliel a great mekubal in Yerushalayim today, shlita. Rav Gamliel a great sage and kabbalist and a great Jew and a great individual in Yerushalayim today, I've never met him yet, I hope to one day, especially now that we're learning and sharing his Torah. His whole series Tiv HaEmunah, Tiv HaShabbos, Tiv HaTorah, Tiv Ha is the whole series. He's a prolific author and a special cheerful, positive, hasn't had an easy life either. You know maybe I'll share in the Emunah group, did I ever do it yet when we started learning this, an article, Mishpacha, Ami, I forget where about Rav Gamliel and his life and his attitude and his approach, it's good to know about him we're learning him. You could also go online and see pictures or videos of him, his Torah would then come to life because he's living. He's living. He's living through the Torah we're learning and he's biologically living. He's actually, he's living. So his sefer Tiv HaEmunah, Rav Gamliel, he writes: Bo re'eh, come and see, afilu Moshe Rabbeinu, the great Moshe, raya mehemna, our faithful shepherd, shehaTorah me'ida alav בכל ביתי נאמן הוא. Hashem doesn't say that about you and me. Hashem doesn't say that about everybody. But in all of my household he's faithful, he's reliable, he's dependable. He's dependable. Not for now, but if you need a Sheva Brachos Torah, what do we wish every couple, how do you end every dvar Torah at a Sheva Brachos when you can't figure out how to stop talking? You say, and may the couple build a bayis ne'eman beyisrael. Vos meinstu bayis ne'eman beyisrael? Everybody knows that ubiquitous expression, but what does it mean? May they build a Bayis Ne'eman BeYisroel. What does that mean? It's pretty, if you translate the words, a faithful house. So you got this couple, maybe young, maybe not so young, and it's a beautiful Sheva Brachos and you're ending it by saying, "And may the two of you never cheat on each other. Mazel tov!" And may the two of you always be faithful. Mazel tov! That's the way you're ending it? Bayis Ne'eman? That can't be what Bayis Ne'eman means. That's not what Bayis Ne'eman means. So what does Bayis Ne'eman mean? What's bechol? So maybe look at these words: בכל ביתי נאמן הוא. Hashem turns to Moshe Rabbeinu and he says, בכל ביתי נאמן הוא. Ne'eman means reliable, dependable, predictable, I can lean on you. You'll be there, you'll be there. Loyal, fiercely loyal, dependable, reliable, loyal, consistent. That's what it means, בכל ביתי נאמן הוא. And that's what we wish for them: should be consistent and reliable and dependable and faithful and faithful. So Moshe Rabbeinu whom Hashem says about is בכל ביתי נאמן הוא, אף על פי כן even though nevertheless, amru bagemara the Gemara says, חמישים שערי בינה נבראו בעולם. There were fifty gates of wisdom that were created in the world, וכולם ניתנו למשה חסר אחד, and Moshe was given access, he was given the key to all fifty gates of wisdom minus one. I'll do the hard math for you, that is forty-nine. Very good. Shene'emar, vatichasrehu me'at me'elokim. The Pasuk in Tehillim perek ches kapital ches says, vatichasrehu me'at me'elokim. You're a shtickel less than God. In other words, we're great, we're elevated, we're prominent, but vatichasrehu me'at me'elokim, a little bit less than God. וטעם זה מפני שאילו היה משה רבינו משיג שלמות הדעת שוב לא היה צריך לאמונה. Turn the page, ayin tes. Why? Moshe Rabbeinu! He's Rabbeinu in perpetuity. Forever he is known as Moshe Rabbeinu. He is collectively forever our teacher. He is Rabbeinu forever. And yet, he wasn't given the fiftieth key, only forty-nine. One door is closed. Why did Hashem keep one door closed for Moshe? Why not בכל ביתי נאמן הוא? Reliable, dependable, fiercely loyal, faithful. So give him the fiftieth key. Let him go in the last door. Let him access all this wisdom and all the truth. Why did he hold back? Says the Rebbe, you know why? Because if Moshe had access to it all, he wouldn't need emunah. He wouldn't have to take that leap. There wouldn't be anything that he showed that he was leaning into. ומבלי אמונה לא יתכן הדבקות. And without you needing to take that leap, without that expression and demonstration of faith, without that last "I'm in, I believe, I'm working, I accept," then you can't have dveikus. על כן ותחסרהו מעט מאלקים שגם משה צריך לאמונה כדי לקיים הדבקות. Even a Moshe as faithful, reliable, dependable as he was, even Moshe, as great and humble as he was, Hashem had to leave one door closed so that Moshe would have to still take a little bit, a little bit, a little bit, a little bit faith, a little leap, a little leap. Why was that necessary? Why couldn't he have access to it all, all the truth, all the evidence, all the proof? Why not? Because without faith, there is no relationship. You need that last little bit, that emunah for dveikus, to cling, to connect, to surrender, to submit, to practice bitul, to nullify, you need that faith. You need that little bit that says, "I'm in a world I don't understand, I can't see, I can't comprehend, but Hashem, even though I want to feel entitled and I want access, I surrender to You. It's not a competition, my way or Your way. I surrender to You. I give in. You're in charge. You're in control." על כן צריך להתגבר באמונה להניח כל מחשבות וכל חשבונות. So a person has to be misgaber be'emunah. Misgaber. Sometimes you want to say, "I have no faith, I have less faith, it's not going my way, it's not working out my way. I'm done, I'm out." I was recently dealing with someone who's having a crisis of faith because I think his faith, while in many ways admirable and beautiful, but also was in other ways counterfeit all along. And what do I mean by that? The person who takes on a little extra, I daven, then I say Tehillim, then I say this Pitum HaKetores, then I do this segulah, then I do this mitzvah, then I do everything right. And why am I doing all that? Because I live with a sense of superstition that I don't want my parnassah to go down, or I don't want my children to pose challenges, or I don't want a health crisis. I want everything to work out. So Hashem, we have this quid pro quo relationship, right? So in a real superstitious way, if I do my davening and I say my Tehillim and I drop off... And that's all, that's all, that could work for weeks or months. It could work for years. In this case, it worked for decades. Beautiful family, beautiful parnasa, success and health in every which way. Check, check, check for you God. And now God, you did the check, check, check for me. This is working out, quid pro quo, good relationship. I'm all in. I'll say im yirtzeh Hashem, b'ezrat Hashem, I'll say all the right things, do all the right things, give the right amount of tzedakah because you're reciprocating, you're paying me back. It's all working out, quid pro quo. What happens the first time something doesn't work out? What happens? Now all of a sudden you say, you know, I don't really feel connected to God anymore. I'm not coming up to shul as often. I'm not saying the voluntary parts of davening, the extra tehillim I used to say. I say, why not? It's like, because I'm having X challenge. I'm not going to tell you what. I don't want to even hint to who I'm talking about. I'm having X challenge. You say, yeah, but still look at all the other bracha. All the other things are still going. You're still living, you got this, you got that, you got the other thing, you have magnificent life, it's incredible, the gift, the privileges, the bracha. It's incredible. The good fortune. You're right, that's the challenge. And by the way, you need him now more than ever to navigate that challenge. The answer is now that something went wrong, I'm out. I'm out. This is not an emuna issue alone, this is a our generation issue. And you see this in the relationships that are disintegrating and crumbling and disappearing. And there are times that people are not meant to be together and divorce is a mitzvah in the Torah. It's not a obligatory mitzvah, like hearing the shofar or eating the matzah. But we are a religion that says in certain circumstances when people are not meant to be together, divorce at times is also one of the taryag, at times it's also a mitzvah in the Torah. We believe in it. However, this enormous spike in the broken engagements, broken marriages, my children tell me among their friends, do you know how many young people are getting divorced after incredibly short periods of marriage? And some of them they didn't mean to be together. And much of it is a wake-up call to the shidduch dating system and how long they date. There's a lot of things you could extract from it that we should be learning from it. But there is a wholesale phenomenon going on in the world today in a disposable society which says the first time I run into a little bit of friction, I'm out. Turning in the car, turning in the phone, turning in the house, turning in the wife, turning in the husband, turning in the children. Disposable, I'm done. Disposable, I'm done. I don't like it. It didn't function properly. It's got a scratch. I don't like it. I'm out. The first scratch, turn it in, disposable, I'm done, I'm out. And this attitude, which in some ways is a beautiful world we live in that we are able to get a new car every few years and upgrade and update your phone all the time in your technology. And we want to then project that onto people. Let me, we ask our spouse, where's how could I turn you in for a newer model? How could I upgrade you? Because you're nagging or you're difficult or you're not responsive or you're not helpful or you're not... where's the upgrade? Where's the, you know you get the alert like software update available? Where's that on you? I'd like to go to sleep. Usually on your phone it says plug it in, right? It gives you that option, plug it in and while you're sleeping it'll upgrade to the newest software, next you know version 7000.2. So you tell your spouse, I'm going to sleep, what can I press that when I wake up I can upgrade to a different version of you? And if I can't, sayonara, I'm out. It's a huge challenge in today's world. But relationships take work. And lefum tzaara agra, the more work you put in, the more reward you get out. The richer the relationship, the more rewarding the relationship, the more real the relationship. You know, that young couple I meet with them before the wedding, and especially if I'm speaking under the chuppah, I like to ask them, what made you, what made you fall in love or what made you decide you want to spend the rest of the life with them? Now again, sometimes they met each other three times, they're like, I'm not really sure, could you ask my mother? I'm not going to get into that right now. My mother fell in love, she read the resume, she told me to date, she told me to ask, she told me to propose, she told me ask my mother why we're in love with her, I don't know. Okay, ask the dating coach why we're in love, I'm not really sure. I'm not again, I'm leaving out my editorial right now on the system, which needs a lot of work. I'm leaving it out altogether. But, you know, a couple who genuinely have actually have some feelings, you ask them, and they look starry-eyed and beautiful and the love, it's nauseating and it's in the room and it's right? You know, and then they come home for Pesach and their siblings are like, you got to talk to them, I can't be around them, I can't sit on the couch next to them, I can't be at the Yom Tov meal with them, the way they look at each other, the way they talk to each other, the way they... I can't be around them, right? Baruch Hashem. It's a beautiful thing. Right? We look at them now and we look back and we're like, we thought we knew what love was. Wait till your first fight. Wait till your first crisis. Wait till chalila a miscarriage or a stillbirth or a loss. Wait till the first job interview that didn't go well, the first time you were let go. Wait till the first time the child gave you agmas nefesh or the child didn't arrive or come and you waited. Wait. Then you'll know what love is. When you navigate that, when you live through that, when you use that to bring you closer together instead of further apart, when you find a way to be in sync as you overcome it, now you'll know what love is. Wait till the first time she says we're having milchigs for dinner. Wait till the first time she says, what do you mean, it's a kale salad, it's delicious. Then you'll learn what compromise and sacrifice and love is really all about. Then you look for the upgrade button. Where can I upgrade to the fleishigs, where's the new model? So, then you know what love is, then you know what love is. And the same is true in the relationship with Hashem. You can't come back from seminar or your year in Israel, you can't come back from whatever stage of life that you discovered Hashem in the Emunah Shiur and you're on fire, and it's all hunky-dory and it's all going well and smoothly, and everything's great because you got the quid pro quo. I started going to this Emunah Shiur, I listen every week and I say Baruch Hashem and I think about Hashem all the time and now my life is amazing, we're all healthy and we have parnassah, we're making simchas and boom, you hit a wall. And what happens now? What happens now? What happens to the D family when they wake up and they went from a family of seven to a family of four? What happens when you hit that wall, which im yirtzeh Hashem is so much less than that, but you hit the wall that says, you know, the doctor said we got the labs back and this time he didn't just send you a text that says, got the labs back they're all good, he said come see me on Tuesday. And there's not something that you're fighting for your life, but there's a medicine you have to take, or you have to be more careful eating that food. What happens when the teacher calls you and says with your child, I think we've discovered some learning issues or behavioral issues, I think the child's struggling socially to make friends. What happens when you hit that wall? You say, but Hashem, I thought we had a deal, like I just daven and say the Tehillim and do the things and then it's all good, right? Nowhere do you sign up for that deal. Not in your relationship with Hashem, not in your relationship with your spouse, not in your relationship when you give birth to your children, not in the relationship with your employer or employees. There's no area of life I know of that you get to sign up for that. I don't know of that option anywhere. They take work. And when you hit that wall is the real test of who you are and the real test of the quality of that relationship and bechol beisi ne'eman. Are you dependable and reliable and faithful even now, when it's not going well, even when you hit that wall, even when you hit that speed bump? Is that also from Hashem? Is that also a sign from him? So this friend, this dear friend, I'm telling him you're blessed that for several decades your quid pro quo was working and now you hit a wall because something's, you're hitting a struggle. It's a real struggle, it's a painful struggle, not a simple, it's surmountable, please God it has a light at the end of its tunnel, it's repairable, but it's difficult, it's painful and there's a lot that's unknown about it. And now is not a time to back away or back off of your relationship from Hashem, now's the time to lean in, now's the time to double down, now's the time to say you know what until now I thought I was in love with you. We looked at each other starry-eyed and we made people nauseous around us whenever I said Baruch Hashem and im yirtzeh Hashem and I love Hashem and don't you love Hashem and Hashem loves me and Hashem loves you, until now we were making people nauseous, Hashem, and I thought I loved you. But now it gets real, it's about to get real and we're going to have real conversations. We're going to go outside and I'm going to yell at you, I'm going to curse you, I'm going to protest you, I'm going to object to you and I'm going to wonder where you are and how you could do this to me. And after that we're going to hug it out each and every time because we're going to feel closer than ever because I need you, I need you, I need you more than ever, I need you more than ever. So tzarich lehishgaber be'emunah. A person has to be misgaber. You gotta work, misgaber is like a gibbor, a warrior, you gotta battle, you gotta battle to double down, you gotta battle to lean in, you gotta battle to dig in in those moments that you hit that wall. Halevai hitting the wall should be you missed your flight, halevai hitting the wall is you failed your driving test you had to reschedule, halevai you hit the wall is you had milchigs for dinner. Halevai you hit that wall. What, we didn't throw in anything milchig? No, no, we went out for milchigs. Anyway, halevai, halevai, so that's the test, that's the test, that's the test of emuna. So Rav Gamliel is using the lashon, he's using the language specifically lehiskaber. You gotta, you gotta, you gotta strengthen, you gotta work out. You gotta work out. להניח כל המחשבות וכל החשבונות, leave aside all of your calculations and all of your thoughts and all of your dreams and all of your wishes. But what do you mean? That's not how I drew it up, I was supposed to pass on the first time. That's not how I drew it up, each of my children were supposed to be exactly the way I want them to be. What do you mean, that's not how I drew it up? I was supposed to be able to eat this forever or I was supposed to be able to sit on a couch forever and not have to exercise. What do you mean, that's not how I drew it up? I've been telling everyone I'll never take a medicine, I don't believe in medicine. What do you mean, that's not how I drew it up? I was supposed to be able to upgrade my spouse to the software to just make them change and to become what I want in them. What do you mean, that's not how I drew it up? So you have to lehaniach, you have to be willing to abandon and relinquish and let go of those thoughts and those dreams and that fantasy that you control the world. Ulehaamin be’emuna sheleima and believe with a full faith כי לא חפץ השם להמיתנו לא לקח מידינו עולה ומנחה ולא הביאנו הלום אין זה אלא כי לא כלו רחמיו וכל מחשבותיו עלינו לטובה להחיותנו לפניו כיום הזה. Hakadosh Baruch Hu loves us, everything is by design, everything is with a purpose, even when we don't feel it or don't understand it and don't have access to comprehend it, it's all his love and it's all for us and it's all by design. Vechafetz legaalenu, he wants to redeem us, veshomaya kol tefilasenu and he's listening, he wants to hear our voice, ותפילת עמו בית ישראל כל אחד לפי דרגא דיליה. Every one of our davenning. I would argue that in that quid pro quo prototype of your relationship, even the davenning wasn't a real davenning. It was kind of like one of the checkmarks. I gotta do this, this, this and this, then you give me this, this and this. So yeah, I'm shuckling, yeah, I'm waving my arms, yeah, I'm screaming Yehei Shmei Rabba, but all that was just my checkmark. We just said in Emuna in the Siddur Snippets the other night, we mentioned in Siddur Snippets the other night the notion of iyun tefilla. The Gemara says there are three things that are מזכיר עוונותיו של אדם, three things that if a person does, Hashem says go bring me his file, go bring me her file, let me see whether, let me see how they're doing, let me see whether they're worthy. One of them is if you walk under a dilapidated wall. If you walk under a wall that's about to collapse, Hashem says, oh look who's so confident that everything's going to be okay, they'll be protected, they'll be safe and secure. They're so confident they're worthy? Bring me her file. Number two is your מוסר את חבירו לדין, you turn somebody over to the authorities. Now let's be very clear, lahalacha is if someone is a danger to society you have an obligation to turn them over. But we're not talking about that, we're talking in antiquity, in ancient times, when the authorities were unjust and cruel and and you turned a Jew over to them. So Hashem says, oh, you're in a position that you're turning someone over? Let's see your file. And the third thing the Gemara says is iyun tefilla. Gemara Rosh Hashana, iyun tefilla. What's iyun tefilla? It's machlokes Rashi Tosfos. Tosfos says iyun tefilla means overconfidence in prayer. What's overconfidence in prayer? I know you all heard this because you listen to Siddur Snippets, but I'm just reviewing it. Overconfidence in prayer, what's iyun tefilla? Iyun tefilla is, iyun tefilla is, you had an incredible davenning. You had an incredible davenning. You were focused and concentrated on every word. You lost track of time, you have no longer no idea how long you were davenning. You were connected to every page of the siddur, it came alive. You had this feeling, this connection to Hashem, you walk away and you're like wow, what a davenning, I was plugged in. And you know what? I'm feeling pretty good Hashem's going to answer me. I feel pretty good I'm going to get a good response because what a—I never had a davenning like this in my life. So the Gemara says instead of the Rabbis applauding you, instead of the Rabbis honoring you or clapping for you, the Rabbis say oh oh, Hashem's about to take out your file. Why? What's so bad about iyun tefilla? Is there something so wrong that you feel geshmak, what a davenning? I was mindful, I was present, I was engaged, I was passionate, I was present and now Hashem's going to answer me favorably? Why is that so bad? Because who did you knock out of the equation? The moment you see davenning as a tool or instrument that as long as I do it right I get answered, who got knocked out of the equation? Hashem. It's no longer part of him. It's like oh I'm sick, I gotta go to the doctor, take my multivitamin, drink my orange juice, eat my—what's that called? Echinacea. Echinacea. Oh and I also have to daven. And then once I do check check check check, I'm better. No. Your davenning is not something on your checklist that once I do it I'm guaranteed. You. So Hashem says, oh you think you're in charge? Let me see your file. Let's see how well you are doing. Davening tefillah authentically is not quid pro quo. I do this, this, this, and this, I get this, this, this, and this. Davening is, we're up to Siddur snippets, again I know you all know, but we're up to Bakasha, the middle section of the Amidah. The Shevach, the first three Brachos are praise, the last three Brachos are Hoda'ah, gratitude, and the middle section's Bakasha. So we're about to study the 13 universal things we ask for. אתה חונן לאדם דעת, we start with Da'at, knowledge. Funny, if you would have asked me, first of all it's a fun game, gather your family and ask, we're composing a prayer that will have to last for all time, every Jew throughout all time in every place in the world, we're all going to say the same prayer, what are the 13 things that are universal needs for all time and anywhere that we should compose that people will need? What are the 13 things? Would you come to the same thing that Anshei Knesses HaGedolah came to? Some of them, yes. Good health and Parnassah, we'd all have in there. Shma Koleinu, the generic catchall, we'd all think that's a good idea. Redemption, we'd all want that. Okay good, but that's less than half of them. Would we have come up with the other ones, Hashiva Shofteinu K'varishonah? Would we come up for that, justice, reinstate Rabbinical courts and a system of justice, hold others accountable? אתה חונן לאדם דעת, would we have asked for wisdom and knowledge and contemplation and capacity for analysis? And that's the first one. So one exercise is which 13 should you come up with, and the next is now put them in order. What's the order of priority? How do you go? Now the Masechet Megillah tells us why we have the order we do. We, whether you grew up with it or not, if you've become accustomed to saying the Amidah, you don't even think about it, but you ever stop and pause, why is Atah Chonen, that's the first thing? That's the first one, I would have started with health, if you don't have your health you have nothing. So maybe the first thing to ask for is good health, why is the first thing that we ask for Da'at? Chachmah, Binah, v'Da'at, first thing we ask for is to be part of Chabad. Chachmah, Binah, v'Da'at. Farbreng, אתה חונן לאדם דעת, let's farbreng, Chachmah, Binah, v'Da'at. Why is that the first thing? So Bakasha, this is the middle section, and the introduction is when we're talking about this, Iyun Tefillah. Do you know why we go through this Bakasha section? And by the way, we're going to do it at Mincha, just davened Shacharis, and at Mincha we're going to go through these 13 universal needs, and a few minutes after that we're going to go through them again at Maariv. Okay, got it, we got it. Why do I have to keep repeating it? I told you what I need, now supply it. Quid pro quo. I do for you, you do for me. We're good to go, no? Why do I have to keep repeating it? Are you so arrogant and egotistical that you need, I once did the funeral of a major Hollywood celebrity's father, and in that context we had long conversations about Judaism, and his main reason that he doesn't believe, he doesn't practice, he doesn't pray, is he said, it's amazing that such an accomplished, award-winning, household name, brilliant, hilarious person could be so unsophisticated and foolish in his thinking, but he said, I don't believe in prayer because I don't want to talk to a God who's so arrogant and egotistical he needs the whole world to tell him every day how great he is. That's why I don't pray. So we had a long discussion about that and how wrong he is, how God tolerates our prayers, he doesn't wait for them or want them. It does nothing for God that you praise him, I promise you. He's infinite, you're finite, he's immortal, you're mortal, he's omnipotent, you're pathetic. Your praise, not you, me, I'm pathetic. Your praise means nothing, I promise you, it does nothing for his ego. He's willing to tolerate it. He tolerates it graciously, not because it does anything for him. So why are we praying three times a day? You just did it at Shacharis, we'll be back again at Mincha, Mincha, see you at Maariv. After Maariv, see you again tomorrow morning at Shacharis. Why? Because it's an exercise in this Emunah. We keep coming back and saying, you know, all day I'm going to take initiative, all day I'm going to try, I'm going to work, I'm going to fight, all day I'm going to act like it's all dependent on me. But three times a day I come back and I tell you, Hashem, but I know it really is all about you. You know they say, work like it all depends on you and pray like it all depends on Hashem. Work as if it all depended on you, take initiative, try and work as if it all depended on you, fight like it depends on you, but then pray knowing it all depends on him. It's not a contradiction. It works together. So three times a day, because I'm so busy working and fighting and trying and taking all that initiative to solve my problems and the world's problems, I could easily get confused to think who's in charge? Me. So three times a day I have to come back and remind ourselves, because that's how pathetic I am, three times a day I have to come back and say, I know I'm fighting out there like it's all me, but Hashem, I know it's all you. I know it's all you. So the Bakasha, this middle section, is all a reminder, an exercise in humility, an exercise in Emunah. In submission, in surrender, that we'll never be guilty of iyun tefillah. I'll never be overly confident and pretend it's me. I'm going to be a gibor, lehisgaber be'emuna. Hashem the matter what's going on around there when I take these three steps forward and now I'm with you, I know you're I got it. I'm going to wrestle with you. In Shma Koleinu I'm going to yell at you. I'm going to protest. I don't like what you're doing with this one, I don't like what you're doing with me with this. I need you to heal this, I need you and want you to work on that. But after we wrestle a little bit, I'm going to give you a big hug. And I'm going to know what love is. It's not back in the days when we were starry-eyed and nauseating. I know what love is. Love is now when I wasn't happy with you but I stuck with you. Love is when you weren't happy with me, but you took me back anyway. That's tshuva. That's the relationship with Hashem. I wasn't bechol beisi ne'eman. Between Shacharis and Mincha I wasn't so beisi ne'eman. Remember at Shacharis when I promised I would never speak lashon hara again, I would have kavana when I make brachos, I would learn all my free time. Well I'm back at Mincha to tell you I didn't do any of that. Not only that, I said some of the wrong things, I looked at some and watched some of the wrong things. But I'm back to tell you I'm going to try again. And you know Hashem, you know what love is? Love is that I wasn't so beisi ne'eman, but you took me back anyway. Because real love is we're working through it. We're sticking with each other. We're fighting for it because it matters, it means something and it's worth it. That's emuna. That's this journey of emuna that we're on. It fluctuates it has ups and downs. We learn this together ratzu veshov, kadam ve'achor, panim ve'achor. We learn this. But we need to be misgaber. We have to work hard, work hard, and to realize that whatever's happening it's from above. Shomea he listening to our tfillos, he wants us. Kedi'isa beZohar Hakadosh as the heiligeh Zohar says we'll end with this. Rabbi Shimon teaches בא ראה כמה חביבין ישראל the Zohar is in Aramaic but we'll read the translation the Targum in the bracket and we'll end with this. Come see כמה חביבין ישראל לפני הקדוש ברוך הוא שאין לך שום עם ולשון בכל עמי העולם שיש להם אלוה שישמע אליהם. There's no nation there's no people כמו שהקדוש ברוך הוא מזומן לקבל תפילתם ובקשתם של ישראל. Hashem welcomes and wants and invites and listens to our tfillos like no one else and nothing else. ובכל שעה שצריכין שישמע הקדוש ברוך הוא תפילתם שהם מבקשים מגלל המדרגה היא שלהם שהשכינה מעלה תפילתם של ישראל. Hashem loves us he sticks with us. He tolerates us because he loves us in the end of the day. And he wants us to talk to him, surrender to him, protest to him, to engage him in our life and to see him in every area of our life. We should be zocheh to live such a life with that emuna, to turn to those role models and to ride their coattails and to follow in their way until we went a little long today but we had to make up for a bunch of weeks so we're okay we're good. Keep sending your emails, keep sending your messages and stories. They mean a lot they lift me and others. Keep caffeinated with kavana until next time. Stay happy, stay healthy, and stay holy.
