Transcript
Good morning, Boker Tov, welcome back to Living with Emuna. Please help yourselves to some coffee, enjoy. Any Chametz there? Plenty of Chametz as well. Emuna shiur generously sponsored by our good friends Avi and Bella Morgan in memory of Rabbi Dr. Brian Galbut and in memory of Bella's mother Dr. Ellen Shranz. This morning's shiur is also sponsored by Carol Wald, who's practically a series sponsor at this point, in memory of our friend Maggie Cooper, מרים בת אליהו הלוי, and by Ron Gal in memory of his dear grandmother טובה רבקה בת יצחק פרץ הלוי. Thank you to all of our generous sponsors, greatly, greatly appreciated. I want to open up as we have been doing recently by sharing some emails I've received. Not all of them, Baruch Hashem, many people share their stories, their experiences, their insights, and that is something that really is inspiring to us all to not only learn about Emuna in theory, but to actually put Emuna into practice. So one common theme of several of the emails I received, I guess it's what we've been talking about lately, is that Emuna is not linear, Emuna is not simple, Emuna is not straightforward. A person doesn't make a choice to flip on Emuna, and when you flip on Emuna, everything works out. Not every story has the ending that, you know, the knight in shining armor came, I didn't have Emuna, then the Emuna happened, and then everything worked out exactly the way I wanted. That's not Emuna. Emuna on our terms, Emuna with our desired outcome, Emuna the way we write it up and draw it up and want it to be, that's not Emuna. Because Emuna is to surrender to Him and to have faith that whatever He chooses and however He proceeds and however it ends up is all His master plan. If my Emuna is conditional on things working out the way I want, then I don't have faith in Him, and in whom do I have faith? In myself. I think I'm in charge, I think I'm in control, I think I'm the one responsible, and it's really all about me. But at the core and at the root of Emuna is I will take my initiative, I'll make my effort, I'll do everything as best I can, and in the end of the day, after I've done everything I can, this is the way it's meant to be. This is just the way it's meant to be. That is actually what the month of Nissan is all about before I even read the emails to you. Before I even read the emails to you. The Gemara tells us, the Mishna in Rosh Hashanah tells us, there are four Rosh Hashanahs, and one of the Rosh Hashanahs is Echad BeNissan. And what is the first of Nissan, which just happens to be tonight and tomorrow? The first of Nissan, Rosh Chodesh, is tonight and tomorrow. Rosh Chodesh Nissan is a Rosh Hashanah. You don't just have to make Pesach, you also have to make Rosh Hashanah in Nissan. What is it a Rosh Hashanah for? We have a Rosh Hashanah for the trees, when is the Rosh Hashanah for the trees? Tu B'Shevat according to Beis Hillel. We have a Rosh Hashanah for the year, when is the Rosh Hashanah for the year? First of Tishrei. We have several, we have four Rosh Hashanahs. The first of Nissan is a Rosh Hashanah for Melachim and Regalim. Melachim are kings. It means when we want to sign documents in antiquity, in ancient times, they would sign documents not Tav Shin Peh Gimmel, not 2023, they would say it is the third year of the reign of King Biden. It is the third year of the reign of King Bibi. It is the third year of the reign, not Bibi because Jewish kings, not Jewish kings, the Gemara has a whole discussion over there. But Rosh Hashanah LeMelachim. If you're going to date documents and you're going to identify years based on what number year of reign is it, when does that year change? Are you year one, year two, year three, when is there a transition in the years? The first of Nissan. That's one thing. And Regalim. It's the first, it's the Rosh Hashanah for Regalim, for holidays. What does that mean? It means Pesach is not the third holiday in the cycle, or the second, it is the first. Pesach, Shavuos, Succos. Those are the two things. Rav Avraham Schorr, the great Rav Avraham Schorr, quotes the Sfas Emes, and the Sfas Emes says the following: ראש חודש ניסן זמן מסוגל לזה אשר היה אז התחדשות לא שינוי הטבע לכן ניתן התחדשות באדם. באחד בניסן ראש השנה למלכים ורגלים פירוש למלכי למלכי ישראל. The Gemara darshens, it is the Rosh Hashanah for kings to be able to date what year of their monarchy, Jewish kings. And the Gemara learns this from מלכות שלמה ליציאת מצרים. And really this is about Kabbalas Ol Malchus Shamayim. שיכול כל אדם בחודש הזה לקבל על עצמו מחדש עול מלכות שמים כראוי. Come tonight and tomorrow, come Rosh Chodesh Nissan, we enter this magical month of miracles, and this is the time to accept and receive Hashem's love, His providence, the divine supervision, accountability over us. Ol Malchus Shamayim. We accept the yoke of heaven. When? Every single day. We say Shema every day, every day we cover our eyes, we're mekabel Ol Malchus Shamayim. But when is the day that's... mesugal. When is the day dedicated and devoted on the calendar that this is the act of the day? This is what we do that day. That day is pregnant with possibility for this. The day is inviting us to take advantage, it is preordained, it is auspicious, it is designated for this activity, it's Rosh Chodesh Nissan. Rosh Chodesh Nissan is Rosh Hashana Lamlachim means not just to date the calendar for Jewish kings, but Rosh Hashana Lamlachim means to re-accept upon ourselves the yoke of the King of Kings of Hashem. So that's tonight and tomorrow. Don't get lost in the Pesach preparations. We had a pre-Pesach workshop on Sunday morning and we spoke about this at length. There's the guf and the neshama. There's the physical preparation we do, you gotta clean, you gotta organize, you gotta shop, you gotta cook, this is the... you gotta pack, some of you, nebach, we don't want to hear about it, we feel no sympathy for you. I actually feel nebach on you. Nebach on you you're going away, it's so much better to stay home. So nebach I do feel sympathy for you but I don't really want to hear about how many outfits and how many changes and where you're going and you're traveling and how many meals and you're just not ready to eat so much and so hard for you and the concerts and how will you keep up. I really feel no sympathy for you, I could care less and I don't want to hear. So don't just focus on the guf, the physical external getting ready for Pesach, where's the neshama of getting ready for Pesach? What about our neshama? What about our soul? What are the themes of freedom and liberty? What is chametz as a yetzer hara and we have to obliterate it and search and destroy it, get rid of ego, stop edging God out, ego. How do we get rid of chametz or ego or inflated ego, the ego that has risen inside us? The way to get rid of it is as of Rosh Chodesh Nissan, that's it. It's Rosh Hashana Lamlachim. When you're מקבל עול מלכות שמים when you say Hashem you're in charge, you're in control, there's no room for my ego, there's no room for me to take pride, there's no room for me to swell with arrogance, there's no room for me to try to micromanage people around me and the whole world, there's no reason for me to get angry or filled with rage when things don't work out my way because it's all you. I surrender to you, I submit to you, I take my initiative, I do my best part but in the end of the day you're in control, you're in charge, you win. You could see it negatively as you win, you could see it positively you're in charge, you're in control, I surrender, I submit, take me for the ride. You're the driver, I'm in the passenger seat, let's go. Let's go. So what is the day that we do that? Rosh Chodesh, Rosh Chodesh Nissan is Rosh Hashana Lamlachim says the Sfas Emes, it doesn't just mean when we date contracts based on what year of the king, it means it is the day of קבלת עול מלכות שמים. So tonight and tomorrow, Rosh Chodesh Nissan, and for the next two weeks until Pesach, we are working on kabbalas ol malchus, melech, malchus, he's the king, he's the sovereign, he reigns supreme, he's infinite, he's omnipotent, he's in control, he knows and he does everything for our best interest. And what is l'regalim? So the word regel means holiday, shalosh regalim. The shalosh regalim are the three festive holidays but the word regel comes from what does it mean? Leg or foot. Why are holidays called feet? So the world rests on these three feet, they are the three stools, the three legs that the world rests on but the Sfas Emes explains differently. Regel comes from hergel which means habit, rote. All year long we're on autopilot, we're mindlessly living our lives, creatures of habit, momentum is carrying us forward, and you know what the shalosh regalim do? They come to disrupt and interrupt the hergel. Don't live life on autopilot. Don't mindlessly let momentum carry you. The regalim come and they're great disruptors. They interrupt, they say stop, pause, consider, think, reflect, pivot, change, just don't live life mindlessly. You know you wake up and you say it's March, how is it March? It just became 2023. How did it become 2023? It was just 2020, the new decade. How did it become 2020? It was just the year 2000, the new millennium. And all the days and the weeks and the months they blend together and you go I don't know how I got here. It's going to be Pesach and then Shavuos, the summer. It was just Rosh Hashana. It was just Elul and Tishrei, we're just getting ready for the new year. How does it all blend together? We lose sense of time because we're on mindlessly momentum, autopilot, rote, trying to make it to the end of each day and make it to the end of each week, but that's no way to live a life, that is no life. We should live lives where every day is memorable, every week is distinct in our mind, every month. January, February, I know exactly where I was and what happened and what stands out and what was special. You know thank God, Baruch Hashem for technology which is trying to break the hergel. I don't know if on your phone or on certain apps, it'll make things pop up and say oh on this date last year, on this date last month or he put together a little album for you. Hey you moron mindlessly living life, I put together a little album to remind you that you've had a great life. Look at these pictures. Vacations, simchas, pre-corona, during corona, after corona. It's like technology's giving you mussar. It says Just stop living right now and living in the next moment. Stop just being in motion. Always in motion, motion, motion. Stop and look. Look. Drives my kids nuts because if I'm somewhere and distracted by that, then I start just sending all those pictures. I'm like, Abba, what's going on? Why are you sending all these pictures from so long ago or recently or the same Purim of last year or what's going on? Because something my phone made an album for me and said: Moron, stop, interrupt your life, look, and realize, take a deep breath, have some context and appreciate, appreciate your life, appreciate each day and each week and each month and each year is special. So the Shalosh Regalim are to interrupt and disrupt the hergel. Don't mindlessly be in motion. Don't mindlessly be carried by momentum. Disrupt and interrupt your life. And what is the Rosh Hashanah for Regalim for breaking the hergel? Tonight and tomorrow: Nissan. Chevra, for the next two weeks, stop. Don't just okay, now I'm on Pesach autopilot. What's my Pesach autopilot? I'm the most well-organized Pesach person ever. I got my notes from the last four thousand years, I got my Google Docs and spreadsheets. I know exactly what my menus, I know what was leftover, I know which date I need to go retrieve the keilim and put them inside the cabinets. I know who I invited, I know who I'm not inviting this year. I got it all spreadsheets, I got it all arranged. Just momentum, motion, movement. Stop! Stop. For the next two weeks, stop and take a deep breath. And don't just live the guf of Pesach, live the neshama of Pesach. And use this time for קבלת עול מלכות שמיים. And קבלת עול מלכות שמיים means to really submit and surrender, to really accept and receive Hashem, means not that I accept Hashem on my terms. Hashem, as long as you make things work out the way I want, the way I drew it up, we're good. We're good. We're good. As long as everyone's healthy, everyone's happy, as long as the parnassa flows, as long as the babies are being conceived, as long as the people are treating me the way I want to be treated, we're all good. And the moment one of those breaks down, not sure I believe in you, not sure I'm invested in you, not sure I accept you, not sure I surrender to you. It's understandable. I'm in no judgment. We all understand people have gone through horrific, horrific pain and suffering and we sit in no judgment of the ones who struggle in that relationship. But in the end of the day, the assumption of the relationship needs to be: we need to go into it knowing it's not on our terms. And we cannot predict, let alone control, the outcome. We take our initiative, we go through our effort, we do the best we can and in the end, it will turn out the way so let me share with you two emails briefly. They're not written briefly, but briefly, so I'm going to read them quickly and then we'll get back to our text. Rabbi Goldberg, I want to send an email because I've been listening to your living with emuna series and I've heard you share many emails and stories. I've found it helpful and I want to share something of my own. As it turned out today, which has not been an easy day for me, I heard you read someone's email which was very much mechazek me. If I could do the same for others, I want to share my experience. The last month has been absolute gehennom for my family. We lost a young child in our family and I've been dealing with some personal painful circumstances. A couple weeks ago I was listening to your shiur when you gave over the story of the man who gave up the voting job in Tel Aviv. The environment wasn't good for him. You ended the story which was that he was walking down the street, instead of finding the 2000 shekel, he found himself. I may repeat this on Pesach, it's a great emuna example. Something that resonated with me so deeply. Emuna as you speak about, it's not about when everything works out, it's not believing that the end result will be everything we wanted and imagined. It is about recognizing that everything's from Hashem and then He is not only with us every step of the way but orchestrating every single detail of our lives and constantly involved with us. In working on our emuna, we are strengthening our awareness of Him everywhere we turn because He is there. Having emuna has literally saved my family. Without that, how could one possibly attempt to get through life's most difficult experiences? Losing my nephew is of some of the most painful things that I, my family, any person would ever experience. My personal difficulties that follow have only been more tests and knocks from Hashem. And I am not here to say that because we had emuna with the passing of my nephew the pain went away, everything else in our lives worked out perfectly. It almost feels like just the opposite. I believe this is a story like the one that you mentioned. After the man in the story made the decision not to take the extra job, he didn't find the money lying in the street, he found himself. My family and I having emuna right now isn't what elicits a good outcome, it allows us to experience this in the only feasible way possible: understanding Hashem is in control and nothing happens in random. Emuna's recognizing that everything is from my ultimate good, that this must be good in somehow and that though it may be horribly painful, He's holding me with every step of the way. And this allows me to get through this with Him by my side. So right now my family and I are finding ourselves within Hashem's embrace. While our circumstances may be extremely painful, among the most difficult challenges, the loss, we are finding it within us, that awareness that Hashem is always with us. It does not mean that life is perfect and sunshine and rainbows, it means my life is being lived to its fullest purpose because I am living it with Hashem. Thank you for the shiurim, yada yada. Similarly, somebody else writes: After hearing the beautiful emails, listening to some of these, I felt it proper to write and express my sincere. express my sincere hakarat hatov, yada yada. About a year ago I went through a devastating miscarriage after becoming pregnant through IVF. My husband and I have been dealing with infertility for many years. Through Hashem's miracles we've been blessed with two beautiful children. We hope to continue to grow our family, however having been through the emotional, physical, and spiritual pain of infertility for so long including several failed IVF cycles I came to the decision I was done trying. I've endless appreciation for my children but could no longer bear the pain of trying to have more. Throughout the last IVF cycle I've been working on my emuna in a way which I thought was proper and righteous. I kept telling Hashem that I trust that He knows what's best for me. I would accept whatever the outcome was. And I truly did accept the miscarriage as Hashem's plan when I decided to move on. Shortly after that loss I was listening to a podcast that featured a Yid who had been through a very challenging time. He spoke about his emuna throughout and how he begged Hashem to change his situation while at the same time believing that Hashem would do what was best for him regardless of what he believed was best for himself. He stressed several times that this dichotomous thought process was not a contradiction, but I could not understand how that could be so. In other words, how could you ask Hashem for an outcome while simultaneously surrendering and saying, "But whatever outcome you bring is what I accept." How could you desire and push for and ask for the outcome you want, but at the same time say, "But do whichever outcome is best." Around the same time I discovered your emuna podcast and as it, quote, "happens" you were in the middle of discussing the idea of protesting Hashem's difficult decrees. Week after week you spoke about how you should protest when we are in a difficult situation, how this is not at all a lack of emuna. You even went so far as to say that being angry at Hashem is not a lack of emuna but can be a sign of faith. I had never heard these ideas explained this way before. I'm a grandchild of Holocaust survivors who had incredible emuna peshuta and to them being angry at Hashem or protesting was never a question in their minds. And that's how I was raised. While I still don't fully understand how it works, I realize there is a different way to work on my emuna. After hearing your explanation on the ideas I felt I owed it to myself and my family to try for another child, because maybe what I'd been so sure I was doing correctly was not actually the kind of relationship Hashem wanted from me. A year later after many ups and downs, not a single step of this has been easy, and a major change in our medical hishtadlus, chasdei Hashem we had an incredibly successful IVF cycle beyond what I ever thought could be possible for us. IVF is a multi-step process and pregnancy is still in the future, but I now have hope that with Hashem's help we can continue to grow our family, something that I had totally given up on. I'm not suggesting that working on my emuna is the direct cause of the success of the cycle. Many people who are far greater than I am have incredible emuna have not been blessed with children, so I certainly don't think it's a direct result of my efforts. However, I do feel strongly that learning these new ideas in emuna had a huge effect in giving me the push and strength to try again after having given up. Additionally, the many emuna skills I have learned from listening to the shiurim fortified me when the going got tough and helped strengthen my relationship with Hashem throughout this process. There were times when things got difficult and I did feel upset that Hashem put me in this situation, but for once I did not feel guilty about it, and instead I used those feelings to try to come closer to Him through davening and communication. I'm so thankful to Hashem that He made sure I heard just what I needed to at just the right time when I was receptive to learning and at the right space spiritually to make some much needed changes. There's a ton of wonderful content to listen to, but He chose these for me to hear just when I needed them. Despite the many challenges we have faced throughout the journey I try to always remember the words of one of my role models, one of the incredible tzadikim of our time, Rabbi Shlomo Bochner of Bonei Olam, who says IVF is a bracha. Being a member of the exclusive infertility club is something I wish no one, yet with today's technologies couples who are unable to have kids naturally can have beautiful families and that is a bracha. Although these words are insufficient, thank you. I have no doubt just as they changed my life they will change others, and so on. Very dusty in here, I'm sorry how dusty this is. So I share these emails not for the positive feedback about the shiur, baruch Hashem people are very kind, but because another theme of the emails that have been coming in is someone says, "I don't know how I tripped on your shiur, but I opened up the right episode exactly when I needed to hear it." I think we say the same thing every week, but we give different examples every week, so people have been having the good fortune or feeling that it's directly from Hashem. There are no coincidences or chance that they're opening the shiur with the examples or speaking to the message that they need to hear exactly when they need to hear it and for that I feel incredibly blessed and grateful to Hashem as well. So as tonight and tomorrow are Rosh Chodesh Nissan, it is Rosh Chodesh, it is Rosh Hashanah for melachim. It is the Rosh Hashanah for קבלת עול מלכות שמים to submit and surrender. Hashem, sometimes I'm angry at you, sometimes I'm happy with you, sometimes I fully understand why you did what you did, sometimes I say I will never understand and I'll never let it go and I'll never forgive. But I love you and I'm in this relationship more than ever and we'll deal with it when I get upstairs. You'll explain it to me, you'll show it to me, I'll come, I'll have closure with it, but until then I'm not using it as an excuse or a cop-out to walk away, but I'm going to use it as a motivation to lean in, to lean in even further, to lean in even further. This is קבלת עול מלכות שמים. It's Rosh Chodesh, Rosh Chodesh Nisan, and Rosh Hashanah laregalim. Break the hergel. No more being in motion mindlessly. Let's stop and let's think and let's be invested. What blows me away about these emails, I give the shiur every week, but I struggle to put it into practice. When the rubber meets the road, when the going gets tough, when you run into friction in your life in some way, to remember, oh yeah, there's you, oh yeah, I'm learning, oh yeah, I talk about, oh yeah, I'm studying. To remember, you know what, I'm going to change course because I'm thinking, I'm working. These emails describe people you know, they live among us, they come from elsewhere, they could be your next door neighbor. They're regular, ordinary people, but these heartwarming emails are ordinary people putting in extraordinary effort to live with emuna. It's amazing. Blows me away. Inspires me to no end and I hope it does you too, and I hope it moves us all to live with more and more and more emuna to elevate us all. We're on page ayin ches. At least that's where I have us. We ended last week by talking about anger. Can't get angry in your house on Erev Shabbos through Shabbos. לא תבערו אש בכל משבתיכם ביום השבת. The Shla haKadosh. Can't get angry. And why can't you get angry? Why is anger so pernicious and egregious and destructive and sabotaging? Why is anger the worst quality? The Rambam and the Ramban, they both agree, every mida, every attribute and character trait belongs in some measure in our repertoire of behavior, anger doesn't belong at all. Anger's the worst. I told you at the end of last week about the podcast I was listening to with this coach, this incredibly successful, wealthy, well-organized coach of the Fortune 500 companies who, in his own life, his marriage fell apart because he couldn't control his anger and his wife simply drew the line. She had had enough. How is it? How is it that anger is so destructive? This man who coaches other people on how to be disciplined, how to be organized, how to have strategy, how to follow through, he couldn't control his own anger, flying off the handle. Where does anger come from? אודות נאמר כי מי שכועס on page ayin ches 78. מי שכועס על דברים שהמה בכך. Person who gets angry and flies off the handle over insignificant, unimportant, inconsequential things. יש בכך סימן שיש לו חיסרון באמונה על דבר פקודת ישועה ורחמים. Somebody's at a red light, it turned green and the person in the front didn't go immediately, and all of a sudden the person has a meltdown. How could it be? Why me? They're yelling, they're screaming, their face turns red, they're banging and smashing the steering wheel, they're honking because it took an extra millisecond? I'm not going to say where that person likely is from. I'm not going to say that. I'm not going to say that because many of us are from that place too before we were rehabilitated in the free state of Florida. I'm not going to say. But okay, it took a millisecond for the car in front of you to notice it was green. Okay, it happened. They didn't buy your favorite brand, the socks made it next to the hamper not in the hamper, the person didn't hear you calling, they didn't get back to your text right away, the devarim shema bekach, insignificant, inconsequential things that people rage, they rage over. They rage over things not going exactly the way they want. Significant things. What is it a symbol of? What does it reflect? In the Tiv HaEmuna we're learning Rav Gamliel Rabinowitz, what does he say? It's a chisaron be-emuna. The root of anger ultimately, anger is ego, ego is edging God out, is a lack of emuna. That's the formula right there. You don't have to be Einstein. There's no E equals MC squared on this one. You don't have to be rocket scientist. Here's the formula. You ready? If you edge God out and you have a big ego, you're going to get angry. If you get angry, you're going to destroy the relationships in your life. You're going to destroy business opportunities, you're going to destroy peace of mind, you're going to destroy your own health, and you're going to destroy the relationships and you could destroy the people you came to care about. That's the formula. If you edge God out, you have a big ego, you'll feel... Find yourself getting angry and then you're going to damage and hurt yourself and people around you. That's it. So now let's retrace and go backwards. You don't want to hurt people around you or yourself or your health or your or your judgment, then you need to not get angry. If you want to not get angry, you need to work on your ego. If you want to work on your ego, you need to not edge God out, you need to edge God in. You need to put God more in your life. You need to learn to more submit and surrender. That's it. I just gave you all of life in one formula in one minute. It's not me; this is the letter the Ramban wrote to his son. Avraham Fried wrote a beautiful song about, it's Fried? Avraham Fried wrote a beautiful song again about tisnaheg tamid, Mordechai Ben David. Sorry MBD, I don't think he's listening or watching. Sorry MBD, Mordechai Ben David, right? תתנהג תמיד לדבר כל דבריך בנחת. I'm neither Fried nor MBD so I will not sing it for you. I'm not going to sing it for you. But tisnaheg tamid, we'll post the song on the group, remind me later. תתנהג תמיד לדבר כל דבריך בנחת. Tisnaheg is what lashon, grammar? Who's a dikduk person here? What form of the verb is it, tisnaheg? It's not piel, not pa'al, it is hitpa'el. What is hitpa'el? Some of you just had an allergic reaction. I said the word dikduk and some of you look like we need epinephrine. What is, what is hitpa'el? Reflexive. What's reflexive? Something you do to yourself. That means to say, whether you get angry or not, whether you speak gently to everyone else or not, is not a function of the people around you. Who does that to you? You. You make the decision: תתנהג תמיד לדבר כל דבריך בנחת. Decide to always speak gently. Don't yell, don't scream, don't raise your decibel level, don't speak condescendingly or with judgment, don't talk down. Decide, tisnaheg. Make the decision, make the decision, the concerted effort, create the habit. Tisnaheg, hitpa'el, reflexive, transform yourself to a person who always speaks gently. תתנהג תמיד לדבר כל דבריך בנחת לכל אדם ובכל עת ובכך תינצל מן הכעס. And in that way you will be spared and you will be saved from ever getting angry. The Ramban brilliantly is telling us, don't decide I'm not getting angry, now I need to speak gently. Decide: I always speak gently. And then when you always speak gently, you can't get angry when you're speaking gently. It really bothered me when you didn't, when you're speaking gently, you can't get angry. You're not going to be filled with rage. You could have disappointment, you could have resentment, you could be frustrated, you could have all these other emotions which are legitimate and which are okay and which can be channeled productively, but you'll be spared from getting angry, from getting angry. Lehavdil, the great Tony Robbins, I quoted this several years ago in a shabbos shuva drasha. איך בין א דזשאגער, I think is what I said then. Somebody got very excited about it. Tony Robbins said the following: You say I want to jog, I want to jog, I want to run, I want to be a runner, I want to jog, I want to be a jogger. I go out and I spend ridiculous amounts of money on the right shoes and the right sneakers and the right socks, I get the right shorts and I get the right shirt and I buy the right thing to wear about my arm to hold my phone and I get the right headphones, and they all sit there and they all gather dust because every day I say tomorrow's the day and I never run and I never jog and I never do it because I say I want to run and I want to jog. So Tony Robbins came along and he said that's the wrong strategy. The strategy is that you have to say and tell everybody you know: I'm a runner. איך בין א דזשאגער. I'm a jogger, I'm a runner. And now it's pas nisht for a jogger and a runner to never jog or run. It's pas nisht. What do you mean you're a jogger or runner, when's the last time you ran? I'm going to. So you're not a runner or a jogger. So we need to transform our identity. What changes us, what creates change in behavior, is change in identity. So if I go from being a lazy, good-for-nothing, lethargic, couch potato, potato chip eating, stagnant, complacent person, that's my identity, to: I'm a jogger. I'm a runner. So now, if I think of myself as I am a runner, it's pas nisht for a runner to not run. So says the Ramban long before Tony Robbins, תתנהג תמיד לדבר כל דבריך בנחת. I'm a calm person. You tell everyone in the world: I never raise my voice, I'm a calm person, I speak gently to everyone, everywhere, at all times. So now, it's pas nisht for a calm person to be screaming. It's pas nisht for a calm, gentle person to rage and fly off the handle. So the way to change this strategy, this formula, this insight, the Ramban said it long before anybody else, long before some product... productivity guru. Long before some self-help motivational speaker. Nothing wrong with being inspired also in the language of today through a Tony Robbins, but know that whatever is said today that's right was said long ago by Torah. The Ramban said it long ago and the Rambam agrees in Hilchos De'os, the Rambam says the same thing. בכל עת ובכל זמן ובזאת תנצל מן הכעס. That's how you'll be spared from anger. Anger is pernicious, it's terrible, it is never any redeeming value to it. It destroys, creates casualties in its wake, in its way, in its path. Anger's bad. It's bad. Categorically bad. There's nothing redeeming about it. So, it reflects a lack of Emunah. Why? אכן השם פניו אל כל אלה העניינים למנוחת הגוף אינו מאמין באמת שקרוב ישועתו לבוא כי המאמין באמת הרי מכוח שמחת תקוות הישועה כי קרוב אליו זה משכח לבו כל צער הגוף. If you have Emunah and you say, ooh, this is an adventure life. Can't wait to see what Hashem has next. I wonder why Hashem made it work out that way. I wonder why Hashem made it work out that the person in front of me didn't go when the light turned green and then it turned red and I missed the light. That was the way it was meant to be for me. I'm frustrated, I'm annoyed. Next time I'll try not to drive behind that person, but that's the way it's supposed to be for me. This is the reality. And you know what? I never give up hope. I never become hopeless and helpless. I never despair because Hashem is in charge and He's in control and I surrender and I put my faith in Him. So why would I ever get angry? Why would I get angry? On Purim my iPad dropped. Shattered into a million pieces. Paid to have the screen fixed. Only to find out that it still doesn't work. I had to buy new iPad. I'll tell you, I'm proud of myself. I didn't flinch. Didn't get angry. I felt the urge. You could feel that swell up inside you. It was dropped, it dropped. It had a fatal meeting with the ground. Whoever was the shadchan is not important. But so inside you when that happens, something you value or something that's expensive or something that's hard to replace or something that's irreplaceable sometimes breaks. You, the first feeling is this like, oh, so angry, I'm about to yell, I'm about to get tense, I'm about to and Baruch Hashem a billion times over, I don't take the credit, Hashem put this thought in my head. It's Purim. It's the middle of the happiest day, I look for one of the happiest days I look forward to all year. You react the wrong way, you're going to destroy Purim. Forget for you, for your family, for the people, for this moment. Why? So pick it up, no problem. We'll figure it out after Purim. It's no problem. It's no problem. It is what it is. Is getting angry going to make the iPad work? Did getting angry put Humpty Dumpty or the iPad back together again? What does it do? It just hurts people you care about who didn't do it on purpose, who didn't drop it or break it. Gravity was somewhat to blame. It's, it happens. It happens. So if you say, this iPad was meant to break. Could have happened through this person, could have happened through a large gust of wind, could have happened through it was meant to break. Hashem, I don't know why You wanted me to replace this iPad or live without one, it was meant to break. So now why would I get angry? Anger won't improve or repair, anger won't be productive. So why would I get angry? If I got angry and flew off the handle it's because you did what to my iPad? What happened and now I have to go do what or spend what or replace what? It's because I edged God out, I knocked Him out of the equation. But if a person can stop and can be mindful, if a person is capable of focusing and thinking, oh, I don't know why, I wish it weren't, but Hashem determined that my iPad would break on Purim. No problem. That should be the worst thing that broke on Purim. Should be the worst thing that broke on Purim, the iPad. So okay, so then why would I get angry? Tis'maheich tamid. My identity is I'm somebody who never gets angry because I don't edge God out, I edge Him in. Whatever happens that I might get angry I stop and I think who's responsible, why did this happen, how am I meant to receive this and experience this, and then why would I get angry? Why would I get angry? I'm not hopeless and helpless. I don't despair. There's a reason, there's a purpose, there's a message, this is an adventure, can't wait to find out the next chapter and how it's going to turn out. I don't get angry. I don't get angry. So on this Rosh Hashanah of Malachim tonight and tomorrow, a gut choidesh, a gut yohr, a gut sissen Pesach, a chag kosher vesame'ach, I'll be here next week don't worry, I'm just using every greeting I could think of. But on this Rosh Hashanah of Malachim and the Rosh Hashanah of Regalim let's spend tonight and tomorrow in particular, but the next two weeks in general, working on surrendering to Him like these two emails I shared today. Not an Emunah because things work out the way we want. An Emunah that I'm not so happy and I'm protesting and I don't understand and an Emunah that it didn't turn out with the happy ending and the they all lived happily ever after ending I want and nevertheless I lean in and I surrender and I trust You and I believe there is some... master plan and I accept whatever it is because I have no choice. And this is the way it will be. And I will live life to its fullest with You by my side and I will find myself in your embrace because I have no choice. And tisnahei tamid I will change my identity. I'm a person with emuna. I go to the emuna shiur, I can't get angry. I go to the emuna shiur, I can't panic. I go to the emuna shiur, I can't not have trust and faith. It's my identity, I go to the emuna shiur. I'm a calm person, I don't get angry. I'm a jogger, I'm a runner. I run and jog. I'm a person who doesn't eat potato chips. I don't eat... no, okay, maybe we're not there yet. We're not there yet, we're close, we're not there yet. Tonight we're going behind the Bima with Eli Beer, Rabbi Nachman Seltzer, who just wrote a new book, Artscroll just published a book called 90 Seconds: The Epic Story of Eli Beer and United Hatzalah. It's a wonderful book to read and get as a gift and they tell a great story that's tonight at 9 PM. Until next time, stay happy, stay healthy, and stay holy.
