Transcript
Good morning, בוקר טוב boker tov, welcome back to Parsha Perspectives for today. It's so wonderful to see our great crowd back, ברוך השם Baruch Hashem. It must be getting cold up north. That is a good sign. It's great to have everybody back. Parsha Perspective שיעור shiur, generously sponsored by Becky and Avi Katz and family in memory of David Grossman, Becky's father. Our learning is לעילוי נשמת דוד בן מנחם מוניש l'iluy nishmas David ben Menachem Monish. This morning's שיעור shiur is also sponsored anonymously in honor of the יארצייט yahrzeit of יצחק בן חיים צבי Yitzchak ben Chaim Tzvi and מינדל בת יצחק Mindel bas Yitzchak. We're very grateful and thank our sponsors for their generosity. I want to remind everyone we've started a WhatsApp group for the Parsha Perspectives. If you'd like to be updated on the schedule for the שיעור shiur, whether we're on or off, where and when, if you want to get the Parsha Perspective write up delivered right to you, if you'd like to get some bonus material and דברי תורה divrei Torah, sign up and it's very easy. Rabbieframgoldberg.org/whatsapp. Rabbieframgoldberg.org/whatsapp. You can sign up for the WhatsApp group for each of the שיעורים shiurim and you'll get all the bonus material, שיעור shiur schedule, everything you'd want to know and much more.This morning our שיעור shiur is dedicated also in honor and memory the second יארצייט yahrzeit yesterday of Rabbi Lord Jonathan Sacks, זכר צדיק לברכה zecher tzaddik livracha, הרב יעקב צבי בן דוד אריה HaRav Yaakov Tzvi ben David Aryeh, whose loss continues to create such incredible pain for us, not only because of his loss, every loss is the loss of a unique expression of Hashem in this world. And every loss is a feeling of tremendous pain. But for me particularly Rabbi Sacks's loss is not only a loss of the present, it's a loss of all that he was going to teach and share and shape our future. The articulate spokesperson of the Jewish people, person entrusted to be able to advocate and communicate, to be able to open and offer insights to the Torah in so many ways, to represent authentic תורה יידישקייט Torah Yiddishkeit on the world stage, such a loss at such a at such a young age and it's so painful. And we dedicate this שיעור shiur as part of a entire week that is being done of learning in memory of Rabbi Sacks as part of the Rabbi Sacks Legacy Foundation. And so I want to open up before we dive into the פסוקים pesukim and the דברי תורה divrei Torah, I want to open up with an insight, insights, two insights by Rabbi Sacks himself offered and communicated, transmitted in his memory. And it relates to something we've spoken about last year, two years ago, this is now the second יארצייט yahrzeit. Rabbi Sacks on this פרשה parsha, it's very interesting. He has maybe four, five, six articles that all revolve around the same phenomena that he that he identifies. There's something in our פרשה parsha, something that jumps out at him, and then he repeats it but comes at it from many, many different angles, which is fascinating. And what is that thing? What he recognizes and what he speaks about in our פרשה parsha is how many times Hashem promised Avraham two things. He promised him land, and what's the second thing he promised him? Children. Land and children. Seven times land, four times children. If you look how many times Hashem has promised, over and over and over again. And yet, by the time you get to חיי שרה Chayei Sarah, by the time you get to the loss of Sarah, neither of those is yet realized. All those promises and yet, the two things he doesn't have. He buys the first plot of land in כנען Canaan, arranges for the marriage of יצחק Yitzchak, neither of which is done before the loss of Sarah. So despite all of those promises, he does not yet have them. So that's what he identifies. Hashem makes these promises to him, he doesn't make them once, he makes them many, many times. And Hashem's word is his bond. Could you have a better promise? Could you take something to the bank more than when God himself tells you? And yet, despite that Hashem has not yet made good, Hashem has not yet delivered on that promise. And Avraham is steadfast. And I said he comes at it from many different ways, many different angles. He draws from it many different lessons. We've shared some in the past. I want to share two new with you two new ones with you this morning in his memory to share his Torah. He says our פרשה parsha contains the most serene description of old age and of dying anywhere in the Torah. פרק כ\"ה פסוק ח' Perek Kaf Hei, Pasuk Ches. פרק כ\"ה פסוק ח' Perek Kaf Hei, Pasuk Ches is on page bottom of page 120. ויגוע וימת אברהם בשיבה טובה זקן ושבע ויאסף אל עמיו Vayigva vayamas Avraham b'seivah tovah, zakein v'savea, vaye'asef el amav. Rabbi Sacks describes this as the most serene description of old age and of dying anywhere in the Torah. Avraham, ויגוע vayigva, he expired. וימת אברהם vayamas Avraham, how? בשיבה טובה b'seivah tovah, at a he died at a good ripe old age. Does anyone have Does anyone not have that hope and that dream? Isn't that what we want? To reach longevity, to reach a ripe old age. And he's not only a ripe old age, he's שבע savea. He's satisfied. He's content. ויאסף אל עמיו vaye'asef el amav, he is gathered back to the people. And you see this earlier in our פרשה parsha as well, in פרק כ\"ד פסוק א' Perek Kaf Daled, Pasuk Aleph, ואברהם זקן בא בימים v'Avraham zakein ba bayamim. We're gonna talk about it today. I have some amazing insights from the אוצר פלאות התורה Otzar Pela'os HaTorah. Avraham was the first one to go white. He went gray. Why? His daughter. We'll get to that. I identified very much with this. We'll get to that. But we also had this description here of Avraham is זקן בא בימים zakein ba bayamim. He's reached longevity. He's reached the stage of of life where he feels content and serene and happy and fulfilled, and he leaves this world.But the serenity, the gift that Avraham had, רש\"י's Rashi's puzzled, doesn't only it's not only given to Avraham, go back to the very beginning of the פרשה parsha. ויהיו חיי שרה מאה שנה ועשרים שנה ושבע שנים Vayihyu chayei Sarah meah shanah v'esrim shanah v'sheva shanim. By now you've all learned this רש\"י Rashi countless times, that the Torah, חומש Chumash the פרשה parsha could have communicated Sarah's age much more efficiently. Simply say, she was 127 years old. Why does it take up extra space by saying she was 100 years, and 20 years, and seven years? And now you gotta do the math. 100 plus 20 plus 7. Why did the Torah give us homework? Why does the Torah take up space by repeating the word years? And רש\"י Rashi tells us something astounding. We're also going to get into this much more. שני חיי שרה shnei chayei Sarah, says Rashi, כולן שוין לטובה kulan shavin l'tova. They were all good years. Her life, ah, bliss and joy and happiness. Her life was incredible. Her life was amazing. They were all equal in goodness. They were all equal and being wonderful. Avraham is a זקן בא בימים zakein ba bayamim? Avraham leaves this world שבע savea? He had such a good, happy, perfect, pure life? Sarah, they're all equal, her life was filled with only goodness? What do we have, selective memory? Revisionist memory, revisionist history? You don't have to have such a great memory to go back just a couple פרשיות parshiyos and to remember what is their lives? Their lives, they leave everything that was familiar, their land, their home, their family, they travel to an unknown land. They are forced and they confront a famine. So they have to leave that land that they're promised is the promised land. Twice Avraham's life is at risk when he's driven into exile and he's worried he's going to be killed by a local ruler and he has to lie about his relationship with none other than Sarah. They long, they wait forever. How old is Sarah when she finally has a child? 90 years old. 90 years old. And that pain in waiting is only compounded by the dream being held over their head because God doesn't say maybe yes, maybe no, I don't know, we'll see what will be. He says you're going to have as many children as the stars of the sky and the dust on the earth. Where are they? 40 years old, 50 years old, 60 years old, 70 years old, 80 years old, where? When a person's waiting to find out, waiting to have a child, every day is painful, certainly every month, the reminder that you've not yet conceived is unbearably painful. Every year that goes by is torture. Decades, a lifetime goes by, and Sarah is promised that's not fulfilled. And instead she sees the birth of ישמעאל Yishmael through her adversary הגר Hagar, that aggravates the relationship between the two and she has to send ישמעאל Yishmael away. And then not Yitzchak is finally born, and there's the agony that Avraham endures in being asked to do the impossible test of עקידת יצחק Akeidas Yitzchak. And the עקידת יצחק Akeidas Yitzchak Avraham succeeds, he triumphs in the test, but at what expense, at what cost, who dies? Sarah. So tell me again, Avraham was זקן zakein, ושבע v'savea, ripe old age of happiness and serenity, כולן שוין לטובה kulan shavin l'tova, Sarah Imeinu's life was simple, was pleasant, was easy? Are we reading the same Torah? Are we telling the same stories? Are we following the same narrative? How can the Torah say that Avraham was blessed with everything? How can רש\"י Rashi say all Sarah's years were equal in goodness? That is the question that Rabbi Sacks asks. And the answer he says is given by the פרשה parsha itself. Seven times Avraham has promised the land... And then he goes through, we're not going to take the time. And yet, by the time Sarah dies, Avraham has no land at all. He's promised the land, he doesn't own the land. By the time Sarah leaves this world, despite being promised seven times, Avraham doesn't own one piece of land in Israel, not one parcel of land in Israel. And he's forced to bow down before עפרון Ephron to acquire even the single field in a cave that he's promised really belongs to him altogether and he's got to pay some exorbitant sum, not as high as the prices today in ארץ ישראל Eretz Yisrael, but he pays some exorbitant sum, an inflated price. That doesn't sound like the fulfillment of the promise all the land ימה וקדמה צפונה ונגבה yamah v'kedmah, tzafonah v'negbah, north, south, east and west. And then when the promise of children Rabbi Sacks counts that Avraham is promised no less than four times. I'll make you into a great nation, I'll make like the dust of the earth, he took Avraham outside, he said, look up at the stars, this is how numerous your descendants will be. No longer will you be called אברם Avram, you'll be אברהם Avraham, you're the father of many nations. And yet, he's waiting and waiting and waiting and waiting forever. So what's going on? How could you say he's זקן zakein, והשם ברך את אברהם בכל v'Hashem beirach et Avraham bakol. He blessed Avraham with everything. He's שבע savea, he's content. How can you say that Sarah, כולן שוין לטובה kulan shavin l'tova, all her years were good? How, how could it be? The reality fell far short of what they had felt entitled to expect. That however is precisely the meaning and the message, says Rabbi Sacks, of חיי שרה Chayei Sarah. In it, Avraham does two things. He buys the first plot in the land of כנען Canaan and he arranges for the marriage of יצחק Yitzchak. One field and cave was for Avraham enough for the text to say, Hashem blessed Avraham with everything. One child, יצחק Yitzchak, by then married and with children, was enough for Avraham to die in peace. Essentially, says Rabbi Sacks, you know what the message of חיי שרה Chayei Sarah is? The message of חיי שרה Chayei Sarah is, in order to feel that you have everything, and in order to feel content, you don't have to finish the job, you just have to put one foot in front of the other and take a step closer. You just have to be on your way. Lao Tzu, the Chinese sage said that a journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step. You all know the phrase, you didn't know who said it. But Rabbi Sacks did, because that was Rabbi Sacks, he knew everything. It begins with a single step. יידישקייט Yiddishkeit, Judaism, Torah adds, that לא עליך המלאכה לגמור lo alecha hamlacha ligmor. It's not on us to finish everything. Hashem says to Avraham, I have chosen him so he will direct his children, למען אשר יצוה את בניו ואת ביתו אחריו l'ma'an asher yetzaveh es banav v'es beiso acharav. That's why I chose him. The message is clear, if you ensure your children will continue to live for what you have lived for, you can have faith they will continue your journey until eventually they reach the destination. Avraham did not see all the land in Jewish hands, nor did he need to see the Jewish people becoming numerous. He had taken the first step. He had begun the task and he knew his descendants would continue it. He was able to die serenely because he had faith in Hashem, and faith that others would complete what he had begun. The same was true of Sarah. To place your life in Hashem's hands, to have faith that whatever happens to you happens for you for a reason, to know that you are part of a larger narrative and to believe that others will continue what you began is to achieve a satisfaction in life that cannot be destroyed by circumstance. Avraham and Sarah had that faith and they were able to die with a sense of fulfillment.The reason I find this so powerful is not only is it such a succinct summary of the message of חיי שרה Chayei Sarah. All shoved into two פרקים prakim. חיי שרה Chayei Sarah, which is not a short פרשה parsha but it's short in how many breaks it has. It's as if it's one narrative that's flowing, and this is its common theme and denominator, says Rabbi Sacks. The common theme is despite seven times promised the land, four times promised of children, neither of them fulfilled and Avraham only getting to see the beginning of the first step by the time he leaves this world, it's accurate to describe him as having everything and being satisfied. It's true to say for Sarah, they were all equal in their goodness. Why? Because sometimes we get greedy. And sometimes we feel entitled. And sometimes we want to reach the destination in our lifetime. Sometimes we want to see it all and live it all and reap it all. But we don't, and often we can't. And we shouldn't have that expectation and we certainly shouldn't feel entitled. Our job is to take the step that will lead to a thousand miles. Our children will walk the rest of the journey and eventually the Jewish people, our descendants, our progeny will get to the destination. Our job is simply to take that step. And if we do, we can die with contentment. To be happy, writes Rabbi Sacks, does not mean that you have everything you or you want or everything you were promised. It means to have done what you were called on to do, to have made a beginning, and to have passed on the baton to the next generation. And the reason I think it's so powerful is certainly, I imagine Rabbi Sacks didn't know this when he wrote these words, but that was his life. That was his life. Rabbi Sacks was an incredibly modest person, humble person. I had the privilege to know him. I won't pretend I knew him well. Although I had the privilege to know him on several occasions. And I felt close to him, whether objectively close or not. At least through his his Torah, but even his personality. I spoke to him about not only the Rabbinate but personal things and he was a real a real source of of wisdom and of strength. But he didn't have the easiest life. When he ultimately died of cancer, it wasn't his first bout or challenge with cancer. And there were ups and downs in his life. And yet, he left this world serene and tranquil. He left this world modest and humble. He left this world satisfied and grateful. He was a positive and a happy person, who was so grateful for all that he had. And even though he left this world at such a young age with so much more to give us, happiness isn't that you have everything you want or everything you were promised. It means to have done what you were called on to do. And what a mission he fulfilled. What a difference he made and what a legacy that he leaves. So he was entitled to leave this world happy and fulfilled and without fanfare. So many others, all these תהילים Tehillim calls go out, remember? When somebody gets sick, great גדולים gedolim at the end of their life, there are rallies and there are calls, and there are massive funerals. But Rabbi Sacks, he didn't share what he was going through. The public didn't know. We didn't דאווען daven. He didn't want that attention, neither on him nor on his family. He was focused, למען אשר יצוה את בניו ואת ביתו אחריו l'ma'an asher yetzaveh es banav v'es beiso acharav. For him all that matter was passing the baton to the next generation. He was such a father and a husband that mattered so much more than whatever public role he had on on the radio in the United Kingdom or the books across the world or the celebrity status he had. All he cared about was his family. That was the most important. Like Avraham, למען אשר יצוה l'ma'an asher yetzaveh, that he passed it on, transmitted it to the next generation. And that's what leaves a person with happiness. Happiness is knowing that we passed the baton forward and that we passed the baton on. And I really think that this insight, this beautiful דבר תורה dvar Torah that he writes up. If you want to find it online, it's in an essay called The Journey of a Thousand Miles. He of course articulates it so much better than I ever could. A Journey of a Thousand Miles. But I think it focuses us. We don't have to get it all done. We don't have to do it all. We don't have to solve the world's problems. We don't have to set up and position our family to have everything that they could have. We have to take a step. We have to pass the baton. We have to transmit our values and our lives and our lifestyles to the next generation. And is there anything more gratifying or satisfying than that? I think we're living in a time where increasingly people don't have that satisfaction. Almost every family, רחמנא ליצלן, לא עלינו Rachmana litzlan, lo aleinu, it's not so simple to say that every one of my grandchildren, great-grandchildren is שומר תורה ומצוות shomer Torah u'mitzvos. It's not a given. It's not a given at all, and it's not easy to achieve, and it requires tremendous סיעתא דשמיא siyata d'ishmaya, divine intervention, support and help if one is going to be blessed with it. But if one can have that and pass that baton. You know, יבדל לחיים טובים וארוכים yibadel l'chaim tovim v'aruchim, my רבי rebbe, my רבי rebbe Rav Schechter, is gonna be here in our shul Thanksgiving weekend. So Rav Schechter several months ago was asked in a public setting, he was asked, what do you think your biggest accomplishment in life is? What is your legacy? What are you most proud of? Being a ראש ישיבה Rosh Yeshiva, a ראש כולל Rosh Kollel, a פוסק posek, ספרים sforim he's written, the thousands of שיעורים shiurim, דברי תורה divrei Torah online, offline, thousands of תלמידים talmidim and מסמכים mismachim, I could have suggested countless answers he could have given to that question. You know what he answered, you gotta watch this video. I shared it I think in the Parsha perspective WhatsApp group. Bonus material. A good reason to join. You know what he said? So humbly, so modestly, כדרכו k'darko. Rav Schechter said, what's my biggest accomplishment? I have nine children and they're all שומר תורה ומצוות shomer Torah u'mitzvos. That's it. If I successfully passed the baton on, my parents raised me with Torah, I tried to raise my children with Torah, they're all observant. And if I leave this world successfully that my children are observant, that's my biggest accomplishment. That's the biggest accomplishment? Biggest accomplishment? An enormous תלמיד חכם talmid chacham, one of the גדולים gedolim of our generation whose impact thousands around the world. Yeah, that's his biggest, that's, I posted it last week because that's what Hashem says to Avraham, you know why I love you? Because you're passing the baton on to the, למען אשר יצוה את בניו l'ma'an asher yetzaveh es banav because you're successfully passing the baton. That's what Rabbi Sacks says. You don't have to see the fulfillment of all the promise of the land or of children. You just have to take that step. It's not on us to finish the work. How did he do it? That's another article, which I'll suggest you could read on your own. I won't take the time now. It's another article Rabbi Sacks has called To Have a Why. A why, W-H-Y. To have a why. How did how did Avraham and Sarah do it? How did they do it? This promise seven times land, four times children, they didn't have it. So how did they do it? How did they do it? Because they had a why. Avraham and Sarah are among the supreme examples in all of history of what it is to have a why in life. The entire course of their lives came as a response to a call, a divine voice that told them to leave their home and family, set out for an unknown destination, go to live in a land where they would be strangers, abandon every conventional form of security and have the faith to believe that by living by the standards of righteousness and justice, they would be taking the first step to establishing a nation, a land, a faith, a way of life that would be a blessing to all of mankind. He goes on and on, he quotes the book Edith Eger's book The Choice and talks about how powerful it is that when we have a why. I believe that faith helps us find the why that allows us to bear almost any how. Faith helps us find the why that allows us to bear almost any how. The how is how am I supposed to do it? People's lives are riddled with challenges and hardship and obstacles and difficulty. So how do we navigate? How do we overcome? How do we persevere? How do we endure? You wake up any given day and some people struggle financially and others struggle with their health and others have friction in their relationships. There are no shortage of obstacles and challenges that we confront. So how, how? Says Rabbi Sacks, you know how? When you have a why, then you can bear almost any how. The serenity of Avraham's death was eternal testimony to how they lived. To have a why. They knew their why. They had a mission. They had a purpose. They had a why. And I think the same can be said again about Rabbi Lord Sacks, זכרונו לברכה zichrono livracha. He had a why. He felt a mission in his life. He wasn't even going into the rabbinate, you know that when he studied. He did not study and prepare to become a רב rav, a Torah scholar. He was not on that path. But a conversation with the Lubavitcher Rebbe changed his life. He told the story many times. Look at the gift that he was to mankind, not only to the Jewish people, because he discovered his why. He discovered his why. You know Mark Twain, one of my favorite quotes. Mark Twain once said the two most important days in a person's life are the day that you're born and the day that you find out why. The day you're born, the day you find out why. The day you're born, most are lucky enough to know when that is. That's easy to find out. But the day you find out why, that's a lot harder. Avraham and Sarah had a why. And when you have a why, you can endure almost any how. And that was not only true of Avraham and Sarah and how they lived and left this world, but I would say it was also true of Rabbi Sacks how he lived, through the challenges he faced, and how he left this world. Because he felt a strong sense of of his why, he was able to figure out how to overcome his how. The נשמה neshama should continue to have an עליה aliyah. We continue to share his דברי תורה divrei Torah. He continues to impact the world, and we should continue to find the comfort and strength to to get through this terrible, terrible loss.Okay, let's start the beginning of the פרשה parsha, page 106 in the ArtScroll Stone חומש Chumash פרשת חיי שרה Parshas Chayei Sarah. פרק כ\"ג פסוק ב' Perek Kaf Gimmel Pasuk Beis. ותמת שרה בקרית ארבע היא חברון בארץ כנען Vatamas Sarah b'Kiryas Arba hi Chevron b'Eretz Canaan. Sarah passes away in קרית ארבע Kiryas Arba, which is חברון Chevron in כנען Canaan. ויבא אברהם לספד לשרה ולבכתה Vayavo Avraham lispod l'Sarah v'livkosa. Avraham comes to what? לספד לשרה lispod l'Sarah, he comes to give a eulogy for his wife Sarah. ולבכתה v'livkosa, and to cry for her. Several questions on this פסוק pasuk, we've examined most of them before. What is the normal what is the normal order? Do you first cry and then prepare the eulogy or do you deliver the eulogy and then you cry? Ordinarily first you cry. And yet, in Avraham's case, לספד לשרה lispod l'Sarah first eulogizes and then ולבכתה v'livkosa he cries. You'll notice the כ' chaf of the word ולבכתה v'livkosa is זעירא ze'ira, it's a small כ' chaf. Why is it a small כ' chaf? Because he showed restraint. He did not cry with a lot of emotion. Why not? His life partner with whom the beginning of these promises were fulfilled. He was incomplete without her. In fact, she is so great, Rabbi Soloveitchik points out that Avraham lives for many years after her demise, but we don't hear from him any longer. His entire impact only happened when, when she was alive. If you look at the Torah text you'll see that once Sarah leaves the scene, all we see is Avraham give to the next generation, Avraham's done. Without her he's incomplete and he no longer is that source of impact and of influence. And yet, despite her position, despite her greatness, despite her completing him, he has restraint in crying. He isn't bereft. He's not crying, he's not mourning. What's going on? We've seen some of these questions. בעל הטורים Baal HaTurim says כף קטנה שלא בכה אלא מעט לפי שזקנה היתה Chaf ketana, shelo bacha ela me'at, l'fi shez'keina haysa. You know why he didn't cry? says the בעל הטורים Baal HaTurim? Because she was older. She was older. ברוך השם, קיין עין הרע Baruch Hashem, kein ayin hara, whoever thought? But in my lifetime I find doing many funerals of people who passed away in their 90s, over a hundred. When I was young, which was very recent, I don't think I knew one person who was over 90. 100 years old, you read about in books, people. You read in the news, someone somewhere turned 100. They made a גאנץ gantz party for them. But today, ברוך השם Baruch Hashem, we've celebrated several hundred birthdays. I always tell when the person gets an עליה aliyah, we wish a מזל טוב mazel tov, someone turned 100. I always say the same thing. I say, מזל טוב mazel tov. I have good news. They say the first hundred years are the hardest. Should be easy from now on in. ברוך השם Baruch Hashem people 90s and hundreds, says the בעל הטורים Baal HaTurim, שרה אמנו Sarah Imeinu was a ripe old age, 127, it's pretty good. So you know why he didn't cry? Because he was sad. He was going to miss her. He would feel her absence, but it wasn't a tragic loss. She lived a long and a beautiful and a meaningful life. But wonders Rav Yankev Galinsky, ספר והגדת Sefer V'higadta, wonders Rav Yankev Galinsky, he says I don't understand. Because she was old he didn't cry? This was his other half. She could be a billion years old. They could be married for a trillion years. All the more so. The longer you have someone, the more you become accustomed to only living with them. The harder it is to live without them. The fact that she reached such an old age and they were married for so long should have been more reason to cry, not less. Okay, hold back the jokes about marriage. We'll get to that. So he says, אברהם אבינו שהשריש בקרב נאי דורו את האמונה בקל חי ויסוד היסודות שהרי חיי אדם אינם בעולם הנצח ועולם הזה אינו אלא פרוזדור שהרי אפילו יחיה אדם ויאריך ימים כמתושלח עדיין אינו אלא פרוזדור לטרקלין, חיי עולם הבא. לכן לא בכה אברהם אלא מעט, חלק מהחינוך כלפי עולם לאמונה. Avraham Avinu shehishrish b'kerev anei doro es ha'emunah b'Kel chai, v'yesod hayesodos sheharei chayei adam einam b'olam hanetzach, v'olam hazeh eino ela proz'dor sheharei afilu yichyeh adam v'ya'arich yamim k'Metushelach, adayin eino ela proz'dor l'traklin, chayei olam haba. Lachen lo bacha Avraham ela me'at, chelek mehachinuch klapei olam l'emunah. You know why he didn't allow himself to cry excessively? Because it was an opportunity, an educational opportunity. Here Avraham Avinu is teaching and preaching to the world that we don't only live in the here and now. There's something so much bigger, something so much greater. There is a world to come. There is eternity. There is immortality. And if you believe in eternity and immortality, then you don't grieve and cry excessively because of a loss of this world. You cry, and you mourn and you grieve because we're sad. We no longer have that contact with the other person. But they didn't die. They didn't die. Every funeral I officiate, I tell the family the same thing. People in יידישקייט Yiddishkeit we do this is what we believe. People don't die, bodies die. We don't bury people, we bury their body. The most important thing I can say to someone before the funeral of a loved one, as hard as that day will be, as bad as that sound, there's no worse sound in the world than the first shovel full of earth on the top of the casket. But know, I always say, know that people don't die, bodies die. We're not burying your mother or your father, your husband or your wife, we're burying their body. The soul has immortality, has נצח netzach, is eternal, is returning to its creator. We believe in a world to come, we believe that we will be reunited. The soul was housed in this body for this finite time, and when Hashem deemed it the right time, he extracted the soul from the body, which is why our rabbis called death יציאת הנשמה yetzi'as haneshama, they don't call it death. They call it the extraction of the soul from the body. And the soul doesn't die, the body does. That's why we put the body in the ground. So here Avraham Avinu is telling the whole world, don't live for the here and now, don't indulge in the pleasures of the flesh, don't think this is all there is. There is a world to come. There is immortality of the soul. There is eternity. There's something so much bigger and greater. And then he's going to grieve and mourn excessively, like this is it. He'll never see Sarah again. The death is the end of the road. So he showed restraint in order to continue to educate and inspire those around him. In order to continue to elevate and communicate. Where else do you see this in the Torah? The Ramban writes this. On the mitzvah of לא תתגודדו lo sisgodedu. Torah says, בנים אתם להשם אלוקיכם banim atem l'Hashem Elokeichem, you are the children of God. לא תתגודדו lo sisgodedu, don't cut your skin. Children of Hashem, we understand. Then the pasuk continues and says, unlike the nations of the world who exhibit grief and mourning by cutting themselves, don't cut yourself. Don't cause harm to yourself when grieving. What in the world is the first half the pasuk have to do with the second? You're children of Hashem, don't cut yourselves. Says the Ramban, you know what it has to do? If you were not children of Hashem, if you simply were here random, chance, there is no God, there is no creator, there is no world to come, there is no afterlife, there is no immortality, then yeah, when someone you love dies, cry your heart out, grieve, grieve excessively, because that's it, you're done, you'll never see them again. But if you believe בנים אתם להשם אלוקיכם banim atem l'Hashem Elokeichem, if we really live and believe that we're children of Hashem, and that we are going to be reunited together with our father, then לא תתגודדו lo sisgodedu, don't grieve excessively, because if you grieve or mourn or cry excessively, it is a failure and a breakdown of faith. So that's what Avraham Avinu says Rav Yankev Galinsky, Avraham Avinu was trying to educate and communicate, he was trying to teach everyone around him, this was a moment to teach. As sad as he is, he will not cry and grieve excessively. Therefore, ולבכתה v'livkosa a small chaf, a chaf ze'ira, because he was confident he would meet her yet again.The sefer, one of my favorite, the new, אוצר פלאות התורה Otzar Pelaos HaTorah, that I've been sharing with you each week, my ספר sefer for this year. He quotes several explanations. Why did Avraham not grieve? Why did he not cry a lot? The רא\"ש Rosh, the רא\"ש Rosh, רבינו אשר Rabbeinu Asher, the רא\"ש Rosh writes, ולבכתה ב\"כף קטנה\" משום שבכה אברהם רק מעט על מיתת שרה וכן כתוב בנו רבינו יעקב בחיבור ה\"בעל הטורים\" ובראשונים הוזכרו כמה טעמים V'livkosa b'chaf ketana, mishum shebacha Avraham rak me'at al misas Sarah, v'chein kasuv b'no Rabbeinu Yaakov b'chibur ha'Baal HaTurim, u'varishonim huzkeru kama ta'amim. Why didn't he cry a lot? Number one. The רא\"ש Rosh says So for Chayei Sarah it says זקנה zekena, she was old, ונפטרה בשיבה טובה ובאריכות ימים ve nifterah be seiva tova u'bi arichus yamim at קכ\"ז שנה kuf kaf zayin shana. You know why? and I think there is something here that's important.Because Avraham understood she lived 127 years and she lived a good life. She lived a happy life. No one is saying that you shouldn't be sad when you lose a loved one. But you shouldn't cry and wail the same way when someone dies at 127 as if they died at seven years old. We should know and we should differentiate between a tragedy and death, and death. You know, sometimes, rarely, that someone comes to me and even in those moments, of course, I show compassion and love and warmth and support. But they could lose a loved one at 80, 90, 100 years old and they say, where is השם Hashem and why me and how could this happen? and I'm so sad. And I don't say, but I want to say, did you think they were going to live forever? Are you not aware of the concept of death? Do you not know that everyone and everything is dying basically from the day that we're born? Pretty depressing idea, but true. When does the process of death begin? At birth. We're, that process already is beginning. So, of course we should be sad. I'm not saying that every funeral should be a celebration of life, every שבעה shiva should be filled with laughter. Of course there's sadness, but we have to be able to know when there's a tragedy and when someone lived a ripe old age and a happy life, a good life. So it says the רא\"ש Rosh and the בעל הטורים Baal HaTurim, Avraham was trying to exhibit this. Avraham understood this. Was he sad? Certainly, he was sad. Did he go into her closet and see her clothing and sit on the floor of her closet and cry? Certainly, he did. But did he make some public display, some dramatic display of grieving, crying, excessively wailing? He did not, because he understood the blessing, she had lived a ripe old age, and therefore he didn't cry excessively. That's the רא\"ש Rosh. Number two, the בעל הטורים Baal HaTurim gives another reason. Why? שעשתה שרה כמי שגורמת מיתתה she'asah Sarah kemishe goremes misasa. שמסרה דין על אברהם, ותאמר שרה לאברהם, חמסי עליך, ועל כן עננה שהתחילה shemasra din al Avraham, va'tomer Sarah le'Avraham, chamasi alecha, ve'al kein einan shehitchila. Do you know why Sarah died first? Because she told him, I'm angry at you. Why haven't you given me a child? And and therefore, to a certain extent, she brought the death upon herself, and מאבד עצמו לדעת, אין מספידין אותו me'abed atzmo la'da'as, ein maspidin oso. Someone who commits suicide, we don't give a eulogy. She, so to say, brought this upon herself, and there, this is a very harsh interpretation. And that's why he didn't cry excessively. Okay. Third opinion is רבינו אפרים Rabbeinu Ephraim. רבינו אפרים Rabbeinu Ephraim writes, שהיתה לאברהם אשה אחרת ובו היה מתנחם shehayisa le'Avraham isha acheres u'vo haya misnachem. Also, don't try that at home. But אברהם אבינו Avraham Avinu had another wife. And therefore, he found comfort and consolation and strength and support. Many men cry excessively when their wives die, because they'll miss her and they'll miss her cooking. Avram still had the cooking. So he missed her and therefore he only cried partially, not excessively. Okay. So how did אברהם אבינו Avraham Avinu ולא בכה למעלה על מיתת שרה v'lo bocha le'ma'ala al misas Sarah? Ah, what happened, the גמרא Gemara in סנהדרין דף פ\"ב Sanhedrin daf peh beis tells us, לכל יש תמורה חוץ מאשת נעורים l'chol yesh temura chutz me'eishes ne'urim. One finds comfort from the loss of anything other than the love from their youth. If you fell in love at a young age, the love of your youth. ובספר תשב\"ץ U'v'Sefer Tashbeitz, אשת נעורים אינה משתכחת מן הלב אף אחר י\"ב חודש eishes ne'urim eina mishtakachas min halev af achar yud-beis chodesh. You know, the the love of your youth, if you fell in love at a young age, you never ever forget that person. אבילות Aveilus is 12 months, because after 12 months the heart forgets. השם Hashem programmed us. We never, of course, fully forget anyone, but it heals. But somebody you've lived a life with, the whole life with from a young age, you never forget. So how could Avraham be comforted? אפשר ליישב, so the אוצר פלאות התורה Otzar Plos HaTorah says, ומשל החומר של שרה אמנו מלבו של אברהם u'mashal hachomer shel Sarah imenu milibo shel Avraham, he never forgot her. רק מיעט לבכות עליה, שהבכיה מתעוררת על ידי ראות צער ותוגה. וכיוון שהיתה זקנה ובאה בימים, לא היה לאברהם כל כך הרבה צער ועגמת נפש. Rak mi'et livkos aleha, shehabchiya mis'orerres al yedei re'us tza'ar v'suga. V'keivan shehaysa zekena u'va'ah b'yamim, lo haya l'Avraham kol kach harbeh tzaar v'agmas nefesh. וגם כן שכבר נשא אשה אחרת וכן הלאה V'gam ken shekvar nasa isha acheres v'chein ha'l'a. He says, he he was restrained. He was sad and he cried. It was just in a restrained way because he had perspective. He had perspective. And perspective is something which is important. The פסוק pasuk says, ויקם אברהם מעל פני מתו, וידבר אל בני חת va'yakam Avraham me'al pnei meiso, va'yidaber el bnei ches. So when it's time to bury Sarah, פסוק ג' pasuk gimmel says, ויקם אברהם מעל פני מתו va'yakam Avraham me'al pnei meiso. Why does it describe that Avraham got up from, פני penei. What does פני penei mean? The face of the deceased, the one he lost. So רבינו אפרים Rabbeinu Ephraim writes, מעל פני מתו me'al pnei meiso, בנוהג שבעולם, אדם מת לו מת, נופל על פני המת ובוכה ומנשקו b'nohag sheba'olam, adam mes lo mes, nofel al pnei ha'mes u'vocheh u'menashko. When someone loses a loved one, they collapse on them, on their face. They embrace them, they cry, and they kiss them. We see this also with יוסף Yosef. ויפול יוסף על פני אביו, ויבך עליו וישק לו Va'yipol Yosef al pnei aviv, va'yevk alav va'yishak lo. יוסף Yosef collapses on the face of his father יעקב Yaakov, he cries, and he gives him a kiss. ומצינו בספרי הראשונים והאחרונים כמה שיטות בענין נשיקת המת U'matzinu b'sifrei harishonim v'ha'achronim kama shitos b'inyan neshikas ha'mes. Are you allowed to kiss a corpse? Are you allowed to kiss a loved one who's passed? What is the Jewish practice of חברא קדישא Chevra Kadisha? Someone dies, is that it? השכבה Hashkava, we put them on the ground, which was the way that we confirmed death in antiquity, cover them with a sheet, open the window, light a candle. There are many מנהגים minhagim when someone's left this world when they expire. But are you allowed to still have contact? Can you hold their hand? Can you kiss their cheek? So this wonderful אוצר פלאות התורה Otzar Plos HaTorah digs up fascinating things from everywhere, digs up here that this is the source of the discussion. Can you, should you? Should you give a kiss goodbye to the loved one even after their soul has been taken from the body, to the body that no longer houses the soul? Do you give a kiss? Here it says, ויקם אברהם מעל פני מתו va'yakam Avraham me'al pnei meiso. With יוסף Yosef, ויפול יוסף על פני אביו ויבך עליו וישק לו va'yipol Yosef al pnei aviv va'yevk alav va'yishak lo. So maybe this is a source for the idea that maybe it is appropriate to bid farewell, to give a kiss to a loved one, to say goodbye. The מגיד יוסף Maggid Yosef, The מגיד יוסף Maggid Yosef, רב יוסף סטרובסקי Rav Yosef Strovsky, who's also coming this year, and we'll give a שיעור shiur, he's coming to visit his son, my neighbor. The מגיד יוסף Maggid Yosef has an interesting take. He says, ויבא אברהם לספוד לשרה ולבכותה va'yavo Avraham lispod l'Sarah v'livkosa. The כלי יקר Kli Yakar wonders, why is the הספד hesped before the בכי bechi? Normally you cry and then you, you cry, you hear the news, you're present, you tear קריעה kriah, and then, and then you write the הספד hesped. Here, Avraham Avinu gives the eulogy and only then he cries. Why are we out of order? בישובם של דברים נראה להקדים דברי אור החיים B'yishuvam shel devarim nir'eh l'hakdim divrei Ohr HaChaim. So he quotes the אור החיים הקדוש Ohr HaChaim HaKadosh, לספוד את שרה, שמתה מן העולם, ולבכות על צד מה שנחסר בדורה lispod es Sarah, shemeisa min ha'olam, v'livkos al tzad ma shenechsar b'dorah. אור החיים Ohr HaChaim says, he eulogized Sarah, the fact that she left this world, and he cried that he missed her. לבכות עליו על דבקות הבוכה עם הנבכה עד שהיו כגוף אחד livkos alav al dveikus ha'bocheh im ha'nivkeh ad shehayu k'guf echad. What are tears? Tears are the expression of the connection that you felt. When you feel connected to someone, to something, you cry when there's when there's, you're torn apart. The גמרא Gemara said, הספדא יקרא דשכבי hespeda yikara d'shachvei. הספד זה מעלות הנפטר Hesped zeh ma'alos ha'niftar. תרומתו לעולם מה שעבר וחסרונו בעתיד Trumaso la'olam ma she'avar v'chesrono ba'asid. You cry what they gave us, they granted us from the past and what will be missing or lacking in the future. והבכי הוא חסרונו של הבוכה V'habechi hu chesrono shel ha'bocheh. So the the הספד hesped, the הספד hesped rather, the eulogy, is recounting who they were, what they were in the past, and what you won't have, what you'll be deprived of in the future. Crying is because what I'm missing. So the eulogy is about the person, the tears are the expression of my pain. ואם כן בנוהג שבעולם שאדם קרוב אצל עצמו V'im kein b'nohag she'baolam she'adam karov etzel atzmo. Normally a person, normally a person, who is their first priority? Themselves. Whose needs come first? Ordinary people, whose needs come first? Their own. So normally a person cries and then gives a הספד hesped. First they express their own pain, and then they talk about the legacy of the other person. But but אברהם Avraham, but רם ram, אברהם אבינו עליו השלום ברוב מסירותו לכלל Avraham Avinu alav hashalom b'rov mesiruso la'klal, אברהם אבינו Avraham Avinu, who had no sense of ego, no sense of self, no identity independent of what he could do and what he would mean for the for others. So for אברהם אבינו Avraham Avinu, he didn't need to satisfy his need first. He didn't first cry to express his pain and then only eulogize to talk about the legacy. First he felt the difference of the legacy that Sarah's gone. נתן קודם הביטוי להספד הכללי על ידי ההספד, ואחר כך נתפנה לכאבו האישי על ידי הבכי Nasan kodem habittui l'hesped ha'klali al yedei ha'hesped, v'achar kach nispaneh l'ke'eivo ha'ishi al yedei ha'bechi. Okay, good. ויקם אברהם Va'yakam Avraham, we already said that Avraham got up. ויקם Va'yakam, he got up. He got up מעל פני מתו me'al pnei meiso. He rose up, he got up from the loss of his loved one. ויקם Va'yakam. מעל פני מתו Me'al pnei meiso. The מדרש midrash says, ויקם, מלמד שהיה רואה מלאך המות מטריס כנגדו va'yakam, melamed shehaya ro'eh malach ha'maves matris k'negdo. What happened? He saw the מלאך המות Malach HaMaves. The מלאך המות Malach HaMaves. What was Sarah's cause of death? What did it say on her death certificate? Sarah Imenu died because she was scared to death. A messenger had come to tell the story of עקידת יצחק Akeidas Yitzchak. We learned from here how to tell a story. I say this every year. When you call your mother to say that something was wrong with your child, you say, \"Mom, first, she's fine, he's fine, everything's okay, they're good. But listen to this crazy thing and we ended up in the ER and then this thing happened and it was diagnosed and but they're fine.\" You don't start out with, \"The car and the thing and the virus and the...\" You may not get to the punch line. Because the messenger came and said, \"Avraham took your son, your only son, the son that you love, to the top of a mountain, he raised the axe, Hashem told him to kill him and...\" And before you get to the punch line, Yitzchak's okay, he's fine. She had already died of a heart attack. She died because she was scared to death. And there was the מלאך המות Malach HaMaves, מטריס כנגדו matris k'negdo. There was the מלאך המות Malach HaMaves. There was the מלאך המות Malach HaMaves taunting אברהם אבינו Avraham Avinu. Says רב דוד פוברסקי, ראש ישיבת פוניבז' Rav Dovid Povarsky, Rosh Yeshivas Ponevezh, you see, you see the, you see how pernicious the יצר הרע yetzer hara is. That even, it doesn't give us quiet for a moment. It doesn't give us peace of mind for a moment. שהרי עד עקידה, נסיון שסיתמו לו בכל הדרך Sheharei ad akeida, nisayon she'sismo lo b'chol ha'derech. Until the עקידה akeida, the שטן satan is trying to convince Avraham, don't go, don't do it, don't listen, don't acquiesce, don't, don't conform. Don't do it. Don't do what Hashem is asking. There's a beautiful מדרש midrash that talks about how the יצר הרע yetzer hara, the מלאך malach, took many forms. The river that Avraham couldn't cross, the valley, the יצר הרע yetzer hara took all these different forms trying to stop Avraham, but he persevered, and he defeated them all. אחר לאחד עקידה, לאחר פטירת שרה, לאחר שאברהם אבינו עמד בצלחה בעשר נסיונות Achar l'achar akeidah, l'achar ptiras Sarah, l'achar she'Avraham Avinu amad b'tzalcha b'eser nisyonos. And now, you'd think that Avraham could have peace of mind, tranquility. He passed the עקידה akeida. He for sure had PTSD, the trauma. He lost his wife Sarah. He had completed, he fulfilled, he passed all ten tests. And what could he hope for, dream for, what did he deserve now? A little peace and quiet, a little serenity. What did he get instead? The יצר הרע yetzer hara was still working. The יצר הרע yetzer hara was still taunting him. The יצר הרע yetzer hara was trying to get him to what? Regret that he had done the right thing. This is the פשט pshat of what we say in מעריב maariv every night. והסר שטן מלפנינו ומאחרינו V'haser satan milfaneinu u'me'achareinu. Remove the שטן satan from before me and from behind me. שטן Satan before me, I understand what it is. It's the bag of Cape Cod potato chips in the cabinet that at 12 o'clock tonight, I'm going to want to eat. So during מעריב maariv I say, השם Hashem, I'm going to come home, I'm going to get hungry. For some reason, we keep buying the very foods that are my kryptonite. So remove the שטן מלפנינו satan milfaneinu. Help me have the strength not to give into that שטן satan. What's the שטן מאחרינו satan me'achareinu? What is the שטן satan behind me? What's the שטן satan behind me? Sometimes in life, we do the right thing, but it doesn't turn out right. We did the right thing, but it doesn't turn out well for us. Will we regret doing the right thing? That's the שטן satan still doing his work. That's the יצר הרע yetzer hara, perniciously trying to still penetrate into your heart to get you to regret doing the right thing. So just when Avraham thought that he deserved and was entitled to some peace and quiet, he passed 10 tests. He passed עקידת יצחק Akeidas Yitzchak. He lost the love of his life. Let me retire already. Palm trees, pina coladas, Parsha Perspectives. Let me retire. And instead, the יצר הרע yetzer hara is still working, trying to get him to think about his life and regret the good things and the right things he did that didn't turn out so well. Didn't turn out so well. So what does it say? ועתה ידעתי כי ירא אלוקים אתה V'ata yadati ki yerei Elokim ata. Maybe now Hashem says I know you're a ירא אלוקים yerei Elokim, when you don't regret having done the right thing, even when it didn't turn out so well, even when it didn't turn out so well on your behalf. Good. So where does Avraham Avinu buy? What property? What piece of land? He buys מערת המכפלה Me'aras HaMachpela. פרק כ\"ג, פסוק י\"ט Perek kaf gimmel, pasuk yud tes. ואחרי כן קבר אברהם את שרה אשתו אל מערת שדה המכפלה V'acharei chen kavar Avraham es Sarah ishto el me'aras sdei ha'machpela, על פני ממרא היא חברון בארץ כנען al pnei Mamre hi Chevron b'eretz Kna'an. So he endures this negotiation. How do you count the tests? According to some, the 10 tests were complete last week. The end of פרשת וירא Parshas Vayera, the עקידה akeida, that was the 10th test. רבינו יונה Rabbeinu Yonah says the 10th test comes at the beginning of חיי שרה Chayei Sarah. What is that 10th test? Maybe, maybe the fact that he didn't regret doing the right thing, even though it cost him Sarah's life. Maybe that's the 10th test. Or they say רבינו יונה Rabbeinu Yonah means, the fact that he negotiates in good faith with עפרון Efron, a low-life used car salesman, a conniving, dishonest, manipulative, and nevertheless, Avraham maintains his cool. He's grieving his wife. Right now is when he needs to be negotiating in this way, and yet maintains his cool and his calm, and he maintains his קידוש השם kiddush Hashem and his דרך ארץ derech eretz. Maybe that's the 10th test. Whatever the 10th test is, he successfully negotiates, he buys the plot of land. What plot of land? מערת שדה המכפלה Me'aras Sdei HaMachpela, and he buries her there. Buries her there. Good. Who's buried there? אדם וחווה Adam v'Chava, יצחק ורבקה Yitzchak v'Rivka, יעקב ולאה Yaakov v'Leah. Where's רחל Rachel? קבר רחל Kever Rachel. Not the קבר רחל Kever Rachel we visit where she's probably not buried, but I just visited there, and we still go to visit there. But קבר רחל Kever Rachel, good. רחל Rachel's not buried there. That's the sum total. That's who's buried there, right? And the head of עשיו Esav, the head of עשיו Esav was cut off and rolled in. The head of עשיו Esav maybe, the head of עשיו Esav. Good. That's a מדרש midrash. How do you know it's four couples? What's it called? Where is מערת שדה המכפלה Me'aras Sdei HaMachpela? In קרית ארבע Kiryat Arba. One of the reasons it's called ארבע Arba is, four couples are buried there. Good. Says the אוצר פלאות התורה Otzar Plos HaTorah, he quotes the מדרש Midrash ילקוט ראובני Yalkut Reuveni. The ילקוט ראובני Yalkut Reuveni on פרשת וזאת הברכה Parshas V'zos HaBracha, he brings a פלא pela in the name of the ספר התמונה Sefer HaTemunah. Who is the ספר התמונה Sefer HaTemunah? רבי נחוניה בן הקנה Rabbi Nechunia ben HaKanah, רבי ישמעאל כהן גדול Rabbi Yishmael Kohen Gadol, maybe it goes all the way back to the תנאים Tannaim, that you know who else might be buried there? משה וצפורה Moshe v'Tzipporah. המלכים נטלו את משה רבנו ממקום קבורתו, והביאו אותו למערת המכפלה וקברו אותו אצל האבות Ha'malachim nitlu es Moshe Rabbeinu mimkom kvuraso, v'hevi'u oso l'mearas ha'machpela v'kavru oso etzel ha'avos. A מלאך malach came down and disinterred and reinterred משה Moshe and צפורה Tzipporah from where they were buried and put them where? מערת המכפלה Me'aras HaMachpela. I, but you'll ask, it states it says לא ידע איש את קבורתו lo yada ish es kvuraso. Nobody knows where Moshe Rabbeinu is buried. דווקא איש לא ידע, אבל מלאכים ידעו Davka ish lo yada, aval malachim yad'u. The angels knew, and the angels disinterred Moshe and took him and צפורה Tzipporah and buried her, buried them, added them to the mix in מערת המכפלה Me'aras HaMachpela as well. The חיד\"א Chida, רב חיים יוסף דוד אזולאי Rav Chaim Yosef David Azulai, in his ספר sefer חומת אנך Chomas Anach, he writes that the words of the ילקוט ראובני Yalkut Reuveni are hinted to in the acronym for the name of the place. It's not called מערת המכפלה Me'aras HaMachpela, what's it called? מערת שדה המכפלה Me'aras Sdei HaMachpela. The acronym, מערת mem, שדה shin, המכפלה heh, is ראשי תיבות rashei teivos for משה Moshe. That משה רבנו נקבר במערת המכפלה אצל האבות Moshe Rabbeinu nikbar b'mearas ha'machpela etzel ha'avos. In the ספר sefer מזמור לארץ Mizmor L'Aretz, there's a רמז remez to the ילקוט ראובני Yalkut Reuveni that צפורה Tzipporah is buried there too. Why? סופי תיבות של מערת שדה המכפלה Sofei teivos of Me'aras Sdei HaMachpela. מערת tav, שדה heh, המכפלה heh is in גמטריא gematria, זוהי צפורה zuhi Tzipporah, 410. And the middle letters of מערת שדה המכפלה Me'aras Sdei HaMachpela, which are ע' ר' ד' מ' כ' פ' ל' ayin reish dalet mem chaf peh lamed, in גמטריא gematria are על ידי המלאכים עליון באו לה al yedei ha'malachim elyon ba'u lah, 444. So through these גמטריות gematrios, the ילקוט ראובני Yalkut Reuveni, this מדרש midrash, which dates back very far, says, not only these four couples at מערת המכפלה Me'aras HaMachpela, מערת שדה המכפלה Me'aras Sdei HaMachpela, but Moshe and Tzipporah are there as well. That's why he says there's a מנהג minhag to go to מערת המכפלה Me'aras HaMachpela when? ז' אדר Zayin Adar. What is ז' אדר Zayin Adar? משה רבנו Moshe Rabbeinu's birth and death. Ah, it's called קרית ארבע Kiryat Arba, four couples, five, they're, you know, five's a crowd, the fifth couple. So it's קרית ארבע Kiryat Arba because there are four couples, says the חיד\"א Chida, who were buried there upon their death. But the fifth couple came because they were moved, buried outside of ארץ ישראל Eretz Yisrael and moved to ארץ ישראל Eretz Yisrael, so it's okay. So it's okay. He goes on, he has a whole essay here on the subject. There's a lot more to say, but I want to, I want to tell you more other beautiful ideas. ואברהם זקן V'Avraham zaken. אברהם זקן Avraham zaken, בא בימים, והשם ברך את אברהם בכל ba bayamim, va'Hashem berach es Avraham bakol, פסוק א' pasuk alef. אברהם זקן בא בימים Avraham zaken ba bayamim, Avraham has reached longevity, old age, and Avraham, Hashem blessed Avraham, ב ba, כל kol. He blessed Avraham with everything. What is everything? What does it mean to be blessed with everything? What does it mean to be blessed with everything? So רבי נחמן Rebbe Nachman writes, says, oh, לאחר שנולד לו יצחק, הבן שלו חיכה כל ימיו, פונה השם אל אברהם ומציב בפניו נסיון נוסף l'achar she'nolad lo Yitzchak, ha'ben she'lo chika kol yamav, poneh Hashem el Avraham u'matziv b'fanav nisayon nosaf. He turns to Avraham with another נסיון nisayon. It's the end of last week's פרשה parsha. And he says, I have one more test for you. And how does the test of the עקידה akeida begin? אחר הדברים האלה Achar ha'devarim ha'eleh. And what does אחר הדברים האלה achar ha'devarim ha'eleh mean? זקנות Ziknus, ripe old age. It was after all these things. And you know what the test was? says רב נחמן Reb Nachman, when a person is already in a stage of אחר הדברים האלה achar ha'devarim ha'eleh, when a person is at the stage of life of אחר הדברים האלה achar ha'devarim ha'eleh, where they feel their greatest strength and their greatest influence and their greatest impact and their greatest glory years are behind them. It's אחר הדברים האלה achar ha'devarim ha'eleh of life. That's a test. Will you lose אמונה emuna? Will you lose faith? Will you give up on Hashem? Will you give up on yourself? Or will you raise the והאלוקים נסה את אברהם v'ha'Elokim nisa es Avraham to raise that, to raise that. And Avraham says, הנני hineni. Even אחר הדברים האלה achar ha'devarim ha'eleh, his answer is הנני hineni. So a person has to feel that even at אחר הדברים האלה achar ha'devarim ha'eleh. And then רב נחמן Reb Nachman says, that's the end of last week's פרשה parsha. Then he says in this week's פרשה parsha, Sarah Imenu dies, כל השנים לטובה kol hashanim l'tova. Rashi says 100 was like 20, 20 was like seven. יש לדבר דברים נפלאים מה שאמר רב נחמן משיחות הר\"ן Yesh l'daber devarim nifla'im ma she'amar Reb Nachman m'Sichos HaRan. לא טוב להיות זקן, אפילו להיות זקן וצדיק זקן, אלא צריך להתחדש בכל יום Lo tov lihiyos zaken, afilu lihiyos zaken v'tzaddik zaken, ela tzarich l'hischadesh b'chol yom. Do you know how you overcome אחר הדברים האלה achar ha'devarim ha'eleh? How you overcome the feeling of being, you know, it's, it's um, a feeling of being irrelevant. You know how you overcome it? By never feeling you're old. Says רב נחמן Reb Nachman, age is just a number. One of my daughters, when she was a little girl, I tried to put her to bed, she said, \"Why do I have to go to bed?\" I said, \"Because you're such and such years old.\" She'd say, \"Abba, age is just a number.\" I don't know where she got it from, or where she read it, or heard it, or she thought of it. She'd say, \"Age is just a number.\" Why do I have to go to bed? Age is just a number. So she didn't know it, she was a Breslover. רב נחמן Reb Nachman says in שיחות הר\"ן Sichos HaRan, age is just a number. צריך להתחדש בכל יום Tzarich l'hischadesh b'chol yom. You got to renew every day and feel new every day and feel reinvigorated every day, and that you're never אחר הדברים האלה achar ha'devarim ha'eleh. That you're never, that you're never a זקן zaken. זקן אינו של גיל אלא של הרגשה Zaken eino shel gil, ela shel hargasha. Age, זקן zaken, זקנות ziknus, old age is not a number, it's a feeling. מי שמרגיש את עצמו כזקן, באיזה גיל שיהיה, קשה לו כבר להשתנות וללמוד דברים חדשים Mi she'margish es atzmo k'zaken, b'eizeh gil she'yihiyeh, kasheh lo kvar l'hishtanos v'lilmod devarim chadashim. There are some 30 years old, 30-year-olds who are old men and old women, when they become fixed and stuck and finished, and they're done. You could be old even while you're young. And you could be a hundred years old. And when you feel, my best is yet to come. I'm just getting started. I've got new things to learn and to introduce and to do in this world. Then you're young even while you're old. You could be old while you're young. You could be young while you're old. Because age is just a number. It's the mindset that matters. So do you have the mindset of an old person? Or do you have the... I'm not talking about is your body cooperating. Don't tell this דברי תורה divrei Torah to your body. Your body may not cooperate, but your body is not who you are. Your body is only one part of you. Your body is the instrument through which you interact with the world, but your body is not you. So don't listen to your body. When your body says you're old, don't listen to your body. Your body doesn't define you, your body's not you. Your body's just a vehicle for you. Don't listen. Age is not a, age is not a number, age is an attitude. You could be old while you're young, but you could still be young even while you're old. להסתכל על כל יום כאילו היא התחלה חדשה. לחשוב על עצמו כאילו הוא עדיין לא התחיל כלל לעבודת השם L'histakel al kol yom k'ilu hi haschala chadasha. Lachshov al atzmo k'ilu hu adayin lo hischil klal l'avodas Hashem. So that's the פשט pshat in ויהיו חיי שרה vayihiyu chayei Sarah. When she was 100, she was like 20. 20 she was like seven. She was never old. Sarah Imenu never got old. How she was 127. She might have needed her cataracts done by then. Maybe her knees, hips replaced. She might have been struggling, going to doctor's appointments. I don't know. But she never got old. How could you say she never got old? 127? Because when she was 100 like 20, like 20 like seven. בכל יום בעיניך כחדשים B'chol yom b'einecha k'chadashim. Always live like you're young. This is the פשט pshat when we say, אל תשליכנו לעת זקנה al tashlicheinu l'eis zikna. Hashem, don't cast me away לעת זקנה l'eis zikna. Why, why is my, why was my 10-year-old son davening and saying those words next to me on יום טוב Yom Tov? Don't cast me away while I'm old. He's 10. You're 20, you're 30. Why are you talking about cast away when you're old? The answer is Hashem, help me not feel old even while I'm young. Help me never, ever feel old. Never feel irrelevant, never feel outdated, never feeling inconsequential, never feel like I'm done, never feel like I'm done. Help me always feel young no matter how old I am, that my best is yet to come. And the אוצר פלאות התורה Otzar Plos HaTorah has a great entry on this. He says, he says the מדרש תנחומא, פרשת מקץ Midrash Tanchuma, Parshas Mikeitz: צריך אדם להתפלל על זקנותו, שתהא עינו רואות, ופיו אוכל, ורגליו מהלכות, שהוא זמן שאדם מזקין, הכל מסתלק ממנו Tzarich adam l'hispalel al ziknuso, she'tehei eino ro'os, u'fiv ochel, v'raglav mehalchos, shehu zman she'adam mazkin, hakol mistalek mimenu. A person has to daven for when they will become old. That their eyes will see, that they can eat and digest, their legs will work, knees and hips. It's a time that a person gets old, everything starts to break down and fail. So the מדרש תנחומא Midrash Tanchuma says from an early age, a person should always be including in their תפילות tefillos, you know, they try to sell you when you're young, you should buy insurance for elderly care. Right? Just yesterday I visited with people, they have an aide, and they said, \"Oh, I'm so happy that while I was young, I was already paying that premium, the insurance to get an aide.\" What do they call it? Elderly care? Long term, they're much nicer than me, they don't call it elderly. They call it long term, long term insurance. So insurance is one thing you should get for long term, but you know what the best insurance long term is? Daven. Daven for long term. Daven that the eyes work, the digestive system works, the feet work. רבי יהודה בר יקר Rabbi Yehuda bar Yakar כתב בפירושו על התפילה, בברכת על הצדיקים kasav b'peirusho al ha'tefillah, b'virchas al ha'tzaddikim, he says, you know where we fulfill this? Listen to this. גשמק Geshmak. I love he digs up this stuff. When you say in the words על הצדיקים al ha'tzaddikim in שמונה עשרה Shemoneh Esrei, in the עמידה Amida, little bonus tidbit, snippet for you. We'll get up to it in like 10 years. We started the עמידה Amida, but we'll get up to it in about 10 years. על הצדיקים Al ha'tzaddikim, you say the words, ועל זקני עמך בית ישראל v'al ziknei amcha beis Yisrael. Pause when you say ועל זקני עמך בית ישראל v'al ziknei amcha beis Yisrael and you say, Hashem, when I get old, let me see and walk and digest, let me get old. You daven for the people who are old in your life. וקיים דברי מדרש תנחומא הנ\"ל V'kayem divrei Midrash Tanchuma ha'nal. Isn't that גשמק geshmak? What one should even when they're young, daven that all will work when they're old. When and how do we do that? Every day in על הצדיקים al ha'tzaddikim, ועל זקני עמך בית ישראל v'al ziknei amcha beis Yisrael, pause, have in mind the זקנים zekeinim in your life. I tell my children, my grandchildren, how blessed they are to have grandparents, great-grandparents, who ברוך השם Baruch Hashem are young and spry and active and not here today to hear this, but I say, daven for them. You can't take it for granted. You all know, one day to the next, what could break down, what could fail, what could not work, who could disappear, what could be diagnosed? One day to the next, don't take for granted. אל תשליכנו לעת זקנה Al tashlicheinu l'eis zikna. ועל זקני עמך בית ישראל V'al ziknei amcha beis Yisrael, that should be the older you get, that's the more כוונה kavana words in, most כוונה kavana words in the עמידה Amida. And we say this in סליחות slichos, שמע קולנו, אל תשליכנו לעת זקנה, ככלות כחנו אל תעזבנו shma koleinu, al tashlicheinu l'eis zikna, kichlos kocheinu al ta'azveinu. The גמרא בבא מציעא דף פ\"ז Gemara in Bava Metzia daf peh zayin says, listen to this, עד אברהם אבינו לא היתה זקנה ad Avraham Avinu lo haysa zikna. Until Avraham Avinu, people didn't age. No Botox. No Botox till Avraham Avinu. Nobody aged until Avraham Avinu. Why did, why was age, aging introduced with Avraham Avinu? We'll get to next week's פרשה parsha, because what happened? Avraham looked exactly like Yitzchak. That was by design, so the cynics, to respond, to answer the cynics who accused, who accused Sarah of Yitzchak being the son of someone else. So they looked exactly alike. באו אנשים, כל הרוצה לדבר עם אברהם, היה טועה ומדבר עם יצחק Ba'u anashim, kol ha'rotzeh l'daber im Avraham, haya to'eh u'medaber im Yitzchak. So they were constantly confusing the two, and it was miserable for both. They were confusing the two. So what did הקדוש ברוך הוא HaKadosh Baruch Hu do? He made a miracle. התפלל אברהם שיכיר ההבדל בינו לבין בנו Hispalel Avraham she'yakir ha'hevdel beino l'vein bno. Avraham davened, this is getting old, pun intended. This is getting annoying. I keep getting mixed up and confused with Yitzchak, so he davened, Hashem, you know, let me grow a birthmark or something, let me, let people know that we're different. Hashem listened, but he didn't give him a birthmark. What did he do? He introduced what to the world? Aging. Avraham looked older. ואברהם זקן בא בימים V'Avraham zaken ba bayamim, and then people knew the difference between the two. Asks the מהרש\"א Maharsha, but you saw aging even before Avraham. Where? You see זקנה zikna with the אנשי סדום anshei Sdom. It says who was killed in סדום Sdom? מנער ועד זקן mina'ar v'ad zaken. So you see that זקנה zikna, aging, was introduced even before Avraham davened for it. ואבינו זקן v'avinu zaken. Avraham himself it says ואדוני זקן va'adoni zaken. ואברהם ושרה זקנים v'Avraham v'Sarah zekeinim. So what was introduced? What new novel came along due to Avraham's תפילה tefillah? So the מהרש\"א Maharsha there in גמרא בבא מציעא Gemara Bava Metzia says, it's true that aging existed. It's true that aging existed. But aging did not exist with your hair turning white. The feature of aging being represented by going gray or going white, that came when Avraham davened that I look different. And the בעלי התוספות Baalei HaTosfos, the מושב זקנים Moshav Zekeinim says the following. בעלי התוספות Baalei HaTosfos in the מושב זקנים Moshav Zekeinim says the following. Don't kill me for this. I said a lot of politically incorrect things today, but none of them are from me. I'm just quoting ספרים sefarim, so save your emails. So the בעלי התוספות Baalei HaTosfos say the following. It says, when is Avraham introduced as a זקן zaken? ואברהם זקן בא בימים, והשם ברך את אברהם בכל V'Avraham zaken ba bayamim, va'Hashem berach es Avraham bakol. Hashem blessed Avraham with everything. What's everything? Children, but what kind of a children? From here Avraham had a, a בת bas, a daughter. בכל Bakol, בת bas. So the פלא יועץ Pele Yoetz says, not the פלא יועץ Pele Yoetz, sorry. What is he quoting? The אוצר פלאות התורה Otzar Pilos HaTorah. רמב\"ם Rambam, in the letter to his son, in איגרת לבנו iggeres l'bno, the רמב\"ם Rambam writes, בתו bito, because of the, in the איגרת לבנו iggeres l'bno, she, בתו מלבינת ראשו bito melabenes es roshov. You know what makes you go gray? Your daughters. מחמת הדאגה לשדכסן בשידוך הגון לפי כבודו הראוי לו Machmas ha'da'agah l'shadchasan b'shiruch hagun l'fi chvodo ha'ra'uy lo. The fear of marrying them off, I hate that expression, it is not grammatically proper, but the fear of ensuring one's children get married and paying for it is what makes people prematurely go gray and go white. That's what the רמב\"ם Rambam says, he says, be careful. Make sure your daughters don't make you go gray, make you go white.Anyway, so that's השם ברך את אברהם בכל Hashem berach es Avraham bakol. בכל Bakol is בת bas. Why was Avraham a זקן zaken? What made him now go white? Because בכל bakol, now he had a daughter. And she had the Amazon password. And she had a credit card. And she knew where the mall was. So he went prematurely gray and prematurely white. And that's why ואברהם זקן v'Avraham zaken and בכל bakol, they go together for that, for that reason. Ah, they go together for that reason. There was another אוצר פלאות התורה Otzar Pilos HaTorah I wanted to share with you.Yeah. How old was רבקה Rivka when יצחק Yitzchak married her? So one מדרש medrash says she was three. The same daughter, my beautiful, beloved תמר Tamar, who when we put her to bed would say age is just a number. So I'll never forget, she was a little, little girl. She came home from school one day, we get a call from the teacher, תמר Tamar wasn't paying attention in class today. She was doodling, she was distracted. I'm concerned. So it's okay. I'm wait till the end of the story. I'm not ratting out my daughter. So I remember we sat in the backyard with her and I said, תמר Tamar, what's the story? We got a call from your teacher. What's going on? So she said, she started to cry. She's a very emotional, heart of gold young lady. She was a little girl. She started to cry and she said, she said, אבא Abba, my teacher said stuff that doesn't make sense. My teacher said something that makes no sense. I stopped listening. I said, what did your teacher say? She said, the teacher said that רבקה Rivka was three years old when she married יצחק Yitzchak. But no three-year-old girls marry a man. What does it mean that she was three years old and she helped at the well with the camels and she got married? Three-year-olds don't get married. So, my teacher said something that made no sense. Why should I listen to a teacher who's saying stuff that makes no sense?That was a tough moment as a parent because I was trying to keep a straight face, and I was trying to try to communicate, you have to pay attention and not let her know how much נחת nachas I got from the יידישע קאפ Yiddishe kop. It meant that she was really listening, and she was really thinking. Everyone else is scribbling down, oh, רבקה Rivka was three years old when she got married. My daughter said, three years, does that make sense? Does that make sense? By the way, she's been asking questions and she's going to be a lawyer ever since then. Nothing I say makes sense, nothing her mother says makes sense. I said, no, I'm just joking. She listens wonderfully, she's fantastic. But it's a wonderful attribute to listen with a critical ear, to think, does that make any sense?So I'll just end with this. There's one מדרש medrash she was three years old. But there's other מדרשים medrashim that she was much older. Why we have to choose that one מדרש medrash is beyond me. Even that one מדרש medrash is not meant to be taught literally. It's not meant to be taught literally. פסוק Pasuk says והנערה טובת מראה מאד v'hana'arah tovas mar'eh me'od. נערה Na'arah is after 12 years old. She was at least 12 years old. An age was different then. If שרה Sarah lived to 127, then when you were 12 was different. Even if you were three, you were different. There's a lot to say, there's a lot of סברות svarim, there's a lot of debate exactly how old she was. And there are many, many opinions that she was a reasonable age to get married. But there's one מדרש medrash that says she was three and even that doesn't mean literally she was three. Her innocence, her purity, whatever other descriptions we mean to be that she's three. That's what we latched onto? That's the דבר תורה dvar Torah our kids have to say at the שבת Shabbos table? That's what we have to teach a generation of children who are learning to think critically. We have to give them ammo to walk away and say that makes no sense. Well, if that made no sense, I'm not going to listen to my teacher, I'm not going to listen to anything else in the book. We should be much more judicious and selective which מדרשים medrashim we teach. They're not meant to be taken literally, and when we give at an age they're not ready to understand, then all we're doing is encouraging them to walk away because if that doesn't make sense, why should I listen to anything else? It doesn't make sense as well. I hope I'm making some sense. Make sure to sign up. RabbiEfraimGoldberg.org/whatsapp, RabbiEfraimGoldberg.org/whatsapp, so that you know when we're on or off, you get bonus material. Have a fantastic day, stay happy, stay healthy.
