Transcript
Good morning Boker Tov, welcome back to Living with Emuna. I don't know about you, but I'm so happy that we are back learning, studying, thinking about, being inspired by the importance of Emuna. It's amazing how the most important things in life are the easiest to forget and neglect, and we have to return and remind and review over and over and over and over again. So, first of all, as always, we're very grateful to our series sponsor, Dr. Zavi and Bella Morgan, incredibly generous, have sponsored our Living with Emuna series in memory of Rabbi Dr. Brian Gabet, in memory of Bella's mother, Dr. Ellen Shanzer, we're very grateful to them. This morning's Shiur is also sponsored, I'm very proud and honored, by my daughter Atara and her husband Calev, by Atara and Calev Minsky, for the Refuah Sheleimah of הירש חנוך בן שרה, should have a Refuah Sheleimah, and also for חיה אסתר תהילה בת אריה ציפורה, should have a Refuah Sheleimah. Also, anonymously, l'illui nishmas הינדא בת שמואל הכהן, whose Yahrtzeit is the seventh of Cheshvan, should have a Neshamah, should have an Aliyah. And also by Elie Walden, in honor of a speedy and a complete Refuah Sheleimah to our good friend משה יצחק בן רבקה, very special person who does so much for the Jewish people and promoting Torah and learning and growth, and all those zechuyos should be in his favor, should hear only good news, he should have a complete Refuah Sheleimah. Lastly, last piece of housekeeping before we dive back into Living with Emuna, we've started a WhatsApp group for each Shiur, we already had one for this Shiur, to remind you if you're not yet part of it, you definitely want to join it. First of all, it has the Shiur schedule, to remind you if we're on or for some reason we are not meeting. Number two, there's bonus content, an extra little Dvar Torah, extra little thought, extra little source that we'll put in there. And number three, it's a community of people who are all in the same thing. So if you go to RabbiEfraimGoldberg.org/whatsapp, not what's up, whatsapp, RabbiEfraimGoldberg.org/whatsapp, you can join any of the groups, Parsha Perspective, Mesillas Yesharim, Living with Emuna, Turn Friday to Erev Shabbos, each one will have some bonus content, each one will have the schedule, each one you will be kept up to date and it would be an honor to have you in each of those groups, admin only, we will not inundate you, the last thing anyone needs is to be part of more WhatsApp groups, but hopefully these will be one that add value to you. Okay, Living with Emuna. So it's been so long that we've been on break, I was trying to figure out and remember where exactly we are and what exactly we're up to and what we're talking about. But considering the fact that we essentially say the same thing each and every time, it almost doesn't really matter. We basically say the same things over and over and over again. So let's begin with an Emuna story. We're always looking for the Hashgacha Pratis, the Emuna stories in our lives. You all know by now our family Hashgacha Pratis WhatsApp group, in which we are trying to remember to post, to look, to live, to see, when you feel obligated to share, then you're going to live a different level of consciousness and mindfulness. When a person says, you know, at dinner tonight, everyone's got to share some way they saw Hashem in their life that day, or the WhatsApp group has to be active in our family, I don't want to be the only one who doesn't post Hashgacha Pratis of something that happened, something I saw, something that needs to be. So you gotta post regularly, where's Hashem in your life? Where was He showing His hand? Where was He making Himself visible? Where was He reminding you "here I am"? Where is Hashem's presence in our life? Which we're looking for not because, and I'm going to just again, I know we say the same things over and over again, I'm going to keep saying them to myself, if you show up, wow, that's incredible. If not, I need to hear it anyway. So the reason that we're trying to constantly reinforce this intense presence of Hashem in our lives is not because He's some scary king taskmaster, not because we report to Him and we're supposed to live in fear from Him and you know what the more that we remember "do the right thing" and otherwise lightning's going to strike, He's going to knock us down and take us out, that is not why we're living with Emuna. You know why we're living with Emuna? So we can live with peace and serenity and happiness, no anger, no envy, no anxiety, no worry, everything will be the way it's meant to be, everything will be the way it's meant to be, and it gives us that, it reinforces that. So the more that we look for and invite Him in, the more we identify and acknowledge when He's there. He'emanti ki adaber, the more we speak about Hashem, the more Emuna we'll have, we and our children and our families and our neighbors. And the more that we speak about Him, the more we'll feel His presence, the more we feel His presence, the greater the confidence He gives us, the greater the certainty He gives us, the greater that we're able to maintain calm in our lives. So my daughter posted in our family WhatsApp group, probably not for me to repeat, but recently she was very nervous she has to register, she's starting nursing school, she had to register for her classes, but she's actually teaching right now until school starts and she was concerned it opens at the very time she's supposed to start teaching and therefore what's going to be she won't get into the classes she needs to and she started to worry about it, and when she looked at her calendar she realized punct, that day happens to be a teacher training day and there's no school that day. So Hashem organized that the registration for her school, nursing school, so again you could live like that and be like oh wow what a relief. So that's great and leave it at that. Or you could live like that and say, "Hashem, you just gave me a hug. Hashem, you just gave me a kiss. Hashem, I started to worry and you told me everything will be alright. You organized and orchestrated, you curated my life, so it'll all be fine, which is an incredible, incredible gift that we have to not panic and not worry. Tell you one more story. And as I tell you with the disclaimer each time I share these stories, it's been a little while, you have to write them in, whether you're watching, you're listening at home, whether you're here in person with the benefit of hot coffee on us, wherever you are, share your emuna stories because they inspire all of us. So I was in Auburn, Alabama the other day. Coach Bruce Pearl, the Auburn Tiger team, went to Israel, support Israel, incredible group of African American non-Jew basketball player, future NBA players, love Israel, went to give an award to thank them and I tried to fly back on the last flight out on Monday night to make it back to the parsha shiur for yesterday morning. But Alabama is an hour and a half from the Atlanta airport and it's an hour behind in Atlanta and I wanted to give that award before tip-off and then book out - don't tell Coach Pearl I didn't stay for the game - then book out and make it to the airport. And I was worried would I make it, how would it work out, what would be. And I left the arena just in time to press Uber to get an Uber driver, wondering whether an Uber driver would come, and an Uber driver came and he picked me up. And he asked me, "What are you doing here?" I said, "I'm here with the delegation there were 120 NCSY kids that came that volunteered and did chesed soup kitchens. Alabama doesn't see a whole lot of Jews to make a kiddush Hashem to say thank you for what they did for Israel." And this Uber driver says, "I drove some of your kids earlier today to a soup kitchen. Those kids were unbelievable. I was so inspired by the way that they behaved." By the end of the hour and a half drive where we discussed the Bible - if you're from Alabama you're very comfortable discussing the Bible with complete strangers - we discussed God and the Bible and we're good friends and now he has my number and texts me. So he declared to me, so first of all he felt on a mission when I told him I'm trying to get back because I teach a Bible class in the morning, his mission was to get me to that airport with whatever shortcuts and side roads and speed was necessary. It's possible I need to bench gomel tomorrow. But his mission from God was to get me to the airport. And by the time he dropped me off he said, "I want you to know, Rabbi, I bought a Powerball ticket" - remember the Powerball Monday night was 1.9 billion dollars - and he said, "I was so impressed by those kids and the way they behaved that if I win I want to write a nice check to that organization that brought those kids here." But I could have pressed Uber, any driver could have come. First of all they could have been slow and difficult and not cared and I could have missed my flight. They could have not been the one who took our group and could have hopefully tried to increase that kiddush Hashem that those kids started. There was this hand I felt like I'm going to get there, we'll make the flight, it's all going to be good, everything's fine. Then of course there was only one lane open at TSA, even though whatever, I'll leave it out. And as I panicked and I was on the phone with the incredible Rebbetzin, she was like, "Don't you teach emuna class? Don't you like talk about this example all the time? Like take a deep breath, it's all going to be fine. You're going to figure it out, you'll make it, you won't make it, whatever will be is what's meant to be." So I hung up on her. No, I'm just joking. So, I'm just joking. I said as I find myself doing several times an hour, "You're 100 percent right, I'm wrong," and I'll stay calm and serene. So the idea of living with emuna, and I'm telling you these stories not to flex, not because I'm anything special, in fact it's the opposite. But you could live your life in black and white or you could live your life in living color. You could live your life and things just happen, they're random, they're coincidence, maybe you notice, maybe you don't even notice. You could just live your life where you're anxious and you panic or you're angry or you're arrogant, where you're envious or you're jealous. Or you could live your life where He's everywhere and you're like, "It'll be what's meant to be." Hurricane, where's it going, what's going to happen, will school be closed, will it be open, will we lose power? You could panic and you can be anxious and I'm not talking about, you know, we're putting a lot of emphasis not on clinical mental health anxiety which needs all kinds of support and intervention, again just the usual anxiousness that comes up in life. And if you listen to - oh, this is important, we're going to get to learning in a minute - the second episode we did of our Out of the Shadows, our mental health broadcast, if you want to work on your emuna, you have to listen to it. Not only because of the courageous Jessica and Eitan who courageously each shared their story of managing anxiety in their lives, which is well worth listening, incredible courage they had to tell their stories in detail, but we interviewed a doctor who is the founder of the Center for Anxiety, he's a professor at Harvard University on anxiety and mental health. And he happens to be an observant Torah Jew and in the conversation, you have to watch it, about understanding all the studies and all the research of which he does much and contributes much, all points back to the fact that anxiety stems from a feeling, an inability to deal with uncertainty in life. A person who struggles with dealing with uncertainty. You know, "But what's going to be? And how will it work out? And what's..." Some people thrive on uncertainty. You know, if you were watching the election results last night, happy, unhappy, partly happy, partly at whatever, we're not no. No political commentary here, but like the reality TV component of election results, it's like the ultimate sports game. What's the outcome going to be? This one's up, now they're losing, now they're winning. What's the result going to be? And the stakes are much higher than the fact that the Yankees got eliminated by the cheating Houston Astros. The stakes are much higher when it comes to our elected officials and policies, so on and so forth. But implicit in that night is uncertainty, uncertainty. And you know what else is filled with uncertainty, of which it's only natural for everyone to feel anxious? The fact that if you live in Florida, it feels like every other day there's a little something called the cone of uncertainty. Oh yes. Right? So they couldn't come up with a better name. This is what the entire weather people, meteorologists, brilliant, accomplished people who we have no taina against. But they have advanced degrees and lots of initials after their name and they are able to study and measure things we never even heard of or begin to understand. And when you say great, so add it all up, what does it mean? They say have no clue. It's a huge cone, it's covering half the United States and as it gets closer, maybe you'll know, maybe you'll find out. By the way, today's the day. It's this afternoon and we're still the cone. Could be here, could be there, could be nowhere, could be big, could be small, could be who knows what's going to be. And I just spoke about earlier in the Mesillas Yesharim shiur, really every every hurricane, you could experience a hurricane with your eyes closed where your whole conversation about the hurricane is, did you fill up with gas? Do we have enough water bottles? Are the batteries in the flashlights good to go? Did you bring in the outdoor furniture? Or your conversation could go, yeah, I notice you, I see you're reminding me again you're there. I know how little power, how little control we have. I know how little we could even predict. I've quoted so many countless times the Gemara in the beginning of Taanis that tells us that Hashem said go conquer my world, study it, manipulate it, control it, be in charge of it, control nature, fly into the space and the cosmos and understand and invent and create artificial meat. Go control the world, whatever examples you want. Put satellites in the sky and video technology give a bracha to your kids halfway around the world on erev Shabbos. Do everything, control my world, but here are three things you'll never control. This is what the Gemara 2,000 years ago told us, fast forward 2,000 years and all the progress, all the technology, all the advance and all the money and we've made zero, zero inroads in the three ways that Hashem said these are the keys I hold on to. What are those three keys? I hope you don't know so I'll feel better about the fact that I always repeat. Weather. One of those keys is conception, conception. People who are desperate for a child and we daven everyone who is longing for a child should be blessed with a healthy child who gives them nachas. It's not a simple thing at all. If a person actually studies the statistics, how many pregnancies end in the birth of a healthy child, how many don't, how many attempts at conception yield a healthy child and how many don't. If we understand the data about infertility, secondary infertility, we would never take for granted what is the miracle of a healthy child, the miracle of a healthy child. Dr. Metelsky in our shul who runs an IVF clinic, a lab, will tell you he mixes all those materials, he mixes them together, but whether in the end when you implant them they come out as a healthy baby or not, he surrenders as a Torah observant Jew, a wonderful person and a great neighbor. He will tell you he can mix all those materials, he puts the ingredients together, but whether the recipe comes out, it's not up to him. He's told me several times about cases where there are embryos that look like they're holding on for dear life, they're weak and they're and they're compromised, but alas that's all that the couple produced for tens of thousands of dollars, so what are you going to do? You're going to implant them. Another embryos that look healthy and perfect and robust and strong and the pick of the litter and you're going to put them in and you're going to expect nine months later twins, triplets, it's going to be unbelievable. And he says countless times the ones that look like they're barely holding on and why even bother because they're so compromised but what are you going to do you might as well put them in, nine months later a beautiful, adorable, sweet, delicious, pure, innocent baby. And the ones that look healthy and perfect and there is no doubt with confidence they'll turn out okay, chas v'shalom don't. So one key Hashem holds on to is conception. The other key he holds on to is techiyas hameisim, the resurrection of the dead. We miss people, we love people, we long for people, we want to bring them back into our life and into our world, but alas we don't have that power, we don't have that ability and we never will because Hashem's holding on to that key. And the third, really all three are the same thing, conception and techiyas hameisim and the rain are all about life. The beginning of life and sustaining life and bringing back to life. They're all about life, they're really all the three keys, all three keys are really one master key. And the third is the weather. And I find it magnificent and this is why I think about every time we are in this farkackte cone of uncertainty and we're in the news again and we don't know where it's coming, each and every time I think about that third key where Hakadosh Baruch Hu says... You put satellites wherever you want, you build spaceships whatever you want, you control and manipulate whatever you want, just know, not only will you never be able to control the weather, you can't stop the tsunami or the hurricane. Not only do you not control it, you can't even figure it out. You won't even be able to accurately predict it or anticipate it or really prepare for it because it's my key, I'm holding on to it, I'm holding on to it. So you could live life through a hurricane and you could be focused on the batteries and the lawn furniture and the water bottles and the gas, all important things on our checklist. Is it on our checklist? All these important things, so hopefully someone in your family is taking care of. They're important. But you know what else is important? As a Torah observant Jew, as people who are living with emuna, to look at that cone of uncertainty and to realize my whole life is a cone of uncertainty. Every morning I wake up I'm in a cone of uncertainty. Every day and every moment is a cone of uncertainty. Every doctor's appointment, every time I turn on my car and I start to drive somewhere, every phone call I take not knowing what will be said to me from the other end is a cone of uncertainty. So, am I going to be overwhelmed and anxious and the anxiety as the doctor talked about on our podcast Out of the Shadows or what's the answer? How do we live to learn, how do we learn to live with uncertainty? How do we empower ourselves, where does resilience come in to be able to deal with uncertainty? If you know anyone with anxiety, if you have or someone in your family, then you know that it's exactly in those moments. But what do you mean? But where are we meeting up? But what are we having for dinner? Little things like that can make a person panic, can bring out their anxiousness and make a person act in a way that's difficult for them and difficult to be around. But where does it come from? Because the moment if you say here's the schedule, here's exactly what's going to happen, here's what we're doing, here's what you can anticipate, calm, everything's good. Introduce uncertainty, but where am I sitting? But where are we meeting? But what are we eating? But what's going to be? Will I get into that class? And all of a sudden there's anxiety. So how do you build the resilience? And this is what he said, Harvard professor. Harvard professor said you know how the antidote, part of the antidote, emuna stories, learn about emuna, read about emuna, you gotta watch the podcast. I don't know if he tells his students at Harvard, teaches them about emuna, talks about faith and God and the divine and the ability to say you know why I can live with uncertainty? Because as uncertain as I am to live and to navigate this world, there is one thing I'm certain about. Everything else is uncertainty. Everything's uncertain. Where will the hurricane go? How will I feel later today? What will be in this world? What will be the results of the election? What will be maybe even if I'm unhappy with the results, maybe they're the right thing. What will be, everything in our lives is uncertain. We are surrounded by and we are overwhelmed and we are living in that cone of uncertainty. Couldn't there just be like a scoop of ice cream on top of that cone? We are in that cone of uncertainty. Maybe they should do that on the map, just to like make, take the edge off a little bit. Here's the cone of uncertainty, we're always going to put a picture of mint chocolate chip ice cream on top of the cone of uncertainty, just to like make it a little bit easier to have to track that cone, a little bit. I don't even like ice cream, but for those who do. If I did, I would like mint chocolate chip. Anyway, put some Cape Cod potato chips on top of the cone of uncertainty. So you know that was going to get in there somewhere. So everything is uncertain. We are surrounded by and overwhelmed by uncertainty. There's only one thing in our lives we can be certain about and what is that? It's the Ribbono Shel Olam. It's the Melech Malchei Hamlachim. It's the King of the Universe and he's in charge. We submit and we surrender to him, we yield to him. We work for him, he doesn't work for us. And that everything he does is for a reason. Nothing is chance and nothing is random and nothing is happenstance and nothing that happens just happened and nothing that happens didn't happen for our best interest. It's hard because not everything that happens is pleasurable, sometimes it's painful. But as we've spoken about also a lot, painful things happen to good people, bad things don't, everything by definition from Hashem is good. כל מן דעביד רחמנא לטב עביד. So today's this cone of uncertainty. We're back in it. Welcome to living in Florida. We have the best election results, we have no state income tax, we've got good policies, but we live in the ice cream cone of uncertainty. That's where we live. But you know what? You could, you could either be panicked by that or you could lean into that and say wow, I get to live with a regular reminder there's a Hashem in this world. I'm going to lean into it because guess what? Every few weeks or months we get to go through an exercise of emuna where we're watching as it draws closer and where's it going to be make landfall and how will it impact us and will the lights stay on or not? And each of those moments, the uncertainty of those moments could create anxiety and panic or we can work on resilience and we can grow. How? By remembering and reminding ourselves, Someone's in charge, whatever happens. If there's no lights, we made it through an entire Yom Tov when we had a hurricane years ago. Who lived here and remembers the second days of Sukkot, Shmini Atzeret, Simchat Torah and more with no power whatsoever? Very romantic candlelight Seudat Yom Tov together. And everybody barbecuing whatever meat because their freezer was gone. That was the best smell, Montoya Circle smelled lehavdil like the Beit HaMikdash is going to smell. Mamash, it was all-you-can-eat barbecue going on everywhere, neighbors became friends, there was so much beauty that came out of it. If you can look back and remember it nostalgically, because thank God, nobody was hurt, even though it wasn't easy. So if we lose our power, okay, so be it, we'll figure it out, we're meant to lose our power. And if nothing happens, then so be it, thank God, we'll be very grateful and we won't forget to say thank you to Him that nothing happened. But as much as we live in that cone of uncertainty, as much uncertainty as there is, there is one thing that is certain and that is there's a Ribono Shel Olam. We are certain there's Hakadosh Baruch Hu. And it's certain that while we protest and object and talk to Him like Avraham Avinu does in our parsha, when it comes to Sdom, what does he do right afterwards? Afar Ve'efer. Right after Avraham Avinu protests and objects and tells Hashem, "Hey, that's not cool with me. That's not good, that doesn't sound very fair and just. I'm going to fight, maybe there are ten righteous." And Hashem says, "It's a nice try, I appreciate it, but no, I'm sticking with My plan." Then Avraham Avinu says, "You know what? The fact that God sometimes says no. We ask and we daven, but sometimes the answer is no. So, do we get further from Him or closer to Him? In that moment Avraham says, I'm Afar Ve'efer, I'm dust and I'm ash. You know what? I tried, I fought the good fight, I protested and I objected, I appealed to You and I davened and I prayed, but in the end of the day, I submit and I surrender to You. I defer to You because I'm just future worm food. I'm just ashes and dust and You're the infinite omnipotent God. And if a choice between going my way or Your way, what I think is better or what You think is better, let's go with Your best over mine. I may not understand it and I don't always appreciate it, and it may not be pleasurable for me in this world, but I'll go with You over me any day." Okay, all this was by way of introduction, let's get started. I have us on page kof samech dalet, we were learning B'yam Darkecha. By the time we finish this, we'll be back to Pesach. This is Rav Itche Meyer on Pesach and Shavuot. It's taking us so long. Why were we studying it? Because we were talking about Yemei Katnut. Do you remember? Let's give a quick review and update. We're talking about what happens when you're not in fire, what happens when you're not living with Emunah, what happens when you're not posting your WhatsApp group, what happens when you don't feel His presence and His guiding hand in your life, what happens when you're not feeling close and connected and inspired? What do you do then? First of all we talked about these two matzavim, they have many names. Yemei Katnut and Gadlut, sometimes we feel small or great. Face, sometimes it's our front or our back, sometimes we see clearly or it's dark. There are many descriptions. We talked about Rav Itche Meyer reminded us, why did God create a world like that? Because we are simultaneously by being the nivra, by being among the created, God is the Creator and we are among His creations, we are created, and when you are created, you have two feelings simultaneously. On the one hand, you feel, well, He created me, so now I exist and now I'm independent and now I operate and now I have autonomy and now I'm in charge and now I'm a decision maker. And that breeds arrogance, independence, that brings katnut, smallness, where we don't feel connected to Him. Ah, I don't really need Him, I'm good. And then on the other hand, you realize, "Wow, I'm a creation, you mean I only exist because He wills it? You mean it's only His generosity that allows me to be in this world? Wow, I feel so connected to Him, I feel so supported by Him, I feel so dependent on Him." So, the very fact that the world is designed that there's a Creator and the created, the nivra, we, it breeds this feeling, this duality, this paradox of sometimes on the one hand feeling small and on the other times feeling big and feeling and sometimes feeling great and feeling great. Dveikut Etzem. So, I have us on page kof samech dalet, Ot Vav. Is that where you have us? You have no idea where we last left off. I have no idea where we last left off. I should have listened to the end of the last one to figure it out. Be'inyan how to serve Hashem. Oh, how do we serve Hashem when we're feeling disconnected and small? So, we started I think by looking at his first piece of advice, which was Tefillah, Tefillah. I think that's how we ended last time, by talking about what sounds like something contradictory or makes no sense. When you're struggling with faith in Hashem, what should you do? Daven to have faith in Hashem. That sounds weird. You're having trouble having faith in Hashem, so daven to have faith in Hashem. Yes, because the very fact of talking to Hashem is going to remind you he's there, make you feel connected to him. What is the core and foundation of any healthy relationship in life? Marriage, centrally, but any relationship, parent and child, friends, co-workers, employer, employee. A foundation of any relationship is communication. You have to communicate. If you bottle up, if you can't express, if you're not comfortable making yourself vulnerable, if you don't make the time to communicate, it's a very superficial and often a dysfunction and a dissolving relationship. Core to any relationship, central to any relationship, critical to any relationship, is communication. So you have to communicate. You have to make yourself vulnerable, you have to confide, you have to connect. You have to connect. Communication is even just about connecting. Ksav VeHaKabbalah רב יעקב צבי מעקלענבורג makes this point. We're going to read shortly in a few weeks, Yaakov Avinu makes his way down to Mitzrayim. And Yosef has this long-awaited reunion, he and his father. And now he's so excited to make an introduction. For all these years, Yosef has been working for and reporting to the emperor of the world, Paro. And now Yaakov, his father, the spiritual emperor of the world, makes his way down and he makes the introduction. Yaakov and Paro are in a room. They're in Paro's Oval Office. And what is the conversation? Ah, to be a fly on the wall to hear the conversation between Yaakov and Paro. And what do they talk about? The weather? They don't talk about the weather, but they essentially talk about the weather. Paro says, 'Hey, nice to meet you. How old are you?' He says, 'Ah, I'm pretty old, but my life's been filled with a lot of challenges, hasn't been easy.' He says, 'Give me a blessing. Now God bless you, have a great day.' They part ways. And you say, 'What just happened?' Really? That's what they spoke about? Not world peace or solving hunger or existence, evidence for the existence of God or some magnificent major of critical import? That's what they talked about? And there are many answers to this question, which we're not at that parsha, so I'm not going to tell you. But I'll just tell you the one of the Ksav VeHaKabbalah. He says, you know what they were talking about? דברים של מה בכך. There's an expression Chazal use that word. They talk about whether on Shabbos you're allowed to talk about דברים של מה בכך. You know what דברים של מה בכך means? דברים של מה בכך. Loosely translates to small talk. Small talk. What is small talk? Small talk. Nothing. This and that. Small talk. How's the weather? What'd you have for lunch today? What's doing? Where'd you get that dress? Small talk. Small talk. Small talk. Small talk. Good or bad? It can be good. So a lot of people, some people who feel sophisticated and advanced, who has time for small talk? Small talk is for unsophisticated people, simple people, ignorant people. Who has time for small talk? Where's there room for small talk? Ksav VeHaKabbalah says, small talk, the Torah here in this conversation, Paro and Yaakov, is essentially endorsing small talk. And this is what he says, a brilliant insight. He says, you know what the value of small talk is? When you only talk to someone because there's a reason and a purpose and an agenda, then you don't really care about the relationship with the person, they are a means towards an end to check something off on your agenda. So if the only time that we ever communicate, we're working on a project or I need to access some information or I need to make a plan, if the only time I ever talk to you is because there's something specific, then it's not really about our desire to connect, it's not really about us. It's about fulfilling this agenda. You're just, you're just an instrument or a tool, you're just a pawn for me. But if I'm willing to endure or engage in small talk, where I'm going to get nothing out of it, there is no agenda, there's nothing of critical import, all there is is connecting with you. So what am I communicating? I care about you. Let's just make small talk. Let's just spend time. Let's just connect. Let's just learn. I'm just curious, small talk. I want to learn about you, I want you to learn about me. Small talk. And that's what he says the value, there's a big value in a willingness to engage in small talk. Satmar Rebbe famously said, every Masechta of Shas begins on what daf? The women's shiur of Emuna, begins on Daf Beis. What happened to Daf Aleph? Every Masechta starts on Daf Beis. What happened to Daf Aleph? I don't know. So after the war, he would give shiur in New York to a group of survivors. And before shiur began, before they opened the Gemara, they would sit and they would talk. How are you? What's happening? How's your mishpacha? How's the job? How's it going? And only then would they open the Gemara. And someone was once critical. Bittul Torah! Shiur's called for that time. Nu, start! Open the Gemara and start the Shiur. Why are you engaging in this other conversation? And his answer was you'll notice that every Masechta begins on Daf Beis. Because you know what Daf Aleph is? Small talk. The Daf Aleph is I care I'm with you. I care that we're together. I care to know you, I care for you to know me. That matters. It matters and it's meaningful to just be together. The relationship with no agenda. So before we get to Daf Beis and before we dive into the Torah, Daf Aleph is small talk. Why am I telling you all this? Because I think that's the idea of Tefilla. How do you break out of the katnus? Rav Itche Meir's first piece of advice, really picking up on where we left off several weeks ago, is start talking to him. Small talk. Hashem I'm not coming to you to like there's no crisis. I'm not coming to you to solve world hunger, not coming to you because there's a terrible diagnosis, there's all those things too. I'm not just coming to you because there's a hurricane, I'm not just coming to you because we're in a moment of a cone of uncertainty. Hey I just want to fill you in some small talk. I just want to tell you what's going on in my life. Thank you that trip worked out and I made the flight, and I got nachas from this child or this thing is happening or that I hope will work out, do you mind? And you go from feeling disconnected and far away by just talking unburdened, by just communicating, by just engaging in that small talk that says to Hashem there's no agenda. There's no agenda. This is not about I need you for something. This is about I want to be close to you. I just want a relationship with you. So let's start the next, os vav. וזה עומק המטרה של קטנות שהריחוק יגרום לקירוב יותר פנימי ואמיתי דהיינו שדווקא מתוך ההסתר אדם ימצא את השם יתברך בצורה חזקה ומיוחדת. You know sometimes, sometimes when everything's hunky-dory and wonderful and well and we're flying high, there's an element of that which is amazing but there's an element of that which is also counterfeit. There's an element of that which is an adrenaline rush. There's an element of that which is an endorphin release. There's an element of that which you don't know is really and truly authentic. And yet, sometimes it's the moment of hiddenness. Sometimes it's in the moment of distance. Since sometimes it's the moment of needing to dig deep that you can actually recover and feel closer than ever. I'll give you a metaphor. A couple are experiencing a high romantically in their love for one another. It's a significant milestone, it's an anniversary, it's a trip, it's a honeymoon, they're flying high and everything's wonderful and they're madly in love and they're adorable and cute to themselves, it's obnoxious to anyone around them. And everything is amazing and perfect and wonderful and fantastic and fun. Is that the most real expression of love? Probably not. They're far away and they're on some trip and they're delighting in their time together. On the one hand it's amazing and fantastic and it's real, but it's also not sustainable and it's not real life so to say, and it's a high which has a value and which restores an energy and a romance and it's important. But is it more real than when the couple are in a bad place? Have gone through tension or a fight or conflict or a crisis of faith in one another or faithfulness and they dig deep and they pledge and they promise and they make themselves vulnerable and they work through and they struggle to find one another and to persevere and to transcend and to not only survive but to thrive through that incident. Which is more real? Which is more lasting? Which is more transformational? It's the second. It's the second for sure. When you're agitated and when you're confronted and when you overcome that test that the relationship sustained and you nevertheless persevere what you have is deeper and more authentic and more lasting and more real and more close and more intimate and more connected than the greatest honeymoon in the greatest exotic location with the most fun activities with the greatest everything. So says Rav Itche Meir, sometimes it's those moments of katnus with Hakadosh Baruch Hu. Hakadosh Baruch Hu I don't see you, I don't feel you, I've been unfaithful to you or I feel you've been unfaithful to me. I don't know where you've been and I'm resentful or angry but you know what? Nevertheless I'm committed to fight through, to work it through and to feel your presence and to reconnect with love and with intimacy. And when you do and you endure through that resiliency in the relationship and you break out, you feel something special and more connected and more real and more lasting. It's more genuine than what you had before. What's true in our relationships in marriage, our relationship with Hakadosh Baruch Hu is a marriage. It is a marriage. And there are moments. And if we do and we do what it takes to get there, doesn't mean there won't be ups and downs and forward and backward movement. But when we come out on that other end, we're so much stronger than where we were before. כי בקטנות יכולים לזכות להרגיש שהשם יתברך איתי תמיד בכל מצב. When you're in a bad place and you stick together, when you're in a bad place and you're willing to forgive, when you're in a bad place and you're willing to work through, then you feel you know what if we got through this we can get through anything. I've never felt more connected, I've never felt more confident, I've never felt more supported. כי הוא כל המציאות ואי אפשר שהוא יעזוב אותי יהיה מה שיהיה. When I feel connected to Hashem even though we've been distant and far apart, even though I haven't invested in talking to him and learning and living my best self, and yet he's still there, and yet he still hasn't gone away, and yet I can still rely on him and I'm still connected to him, wow, now I am more aware of and I'm experiencing his presence in a way I never have before. ואני מחובר איתו יתברך מעצם מציאותי. My very existence is making me connected to him. My very survival of this experience, of this incident, of this period, is making me more connected to him. כך שזה שבקטנות האדם turn the page נאחז בהשם יתברך בכל כוחו, מחזק את עצמו שהשם יתברך איתי, ואומר להשם יתברך אני יודע שאתה בעצמך עושה את המצב הזה. Hashem, I feel you, and I know you're here, and I can't believe how lucky I am that you're sticking with me, and I can't believe how much of a future we have despite where we've been. V'omer l'Hashem Yisbarach I know that you're here, ואתה איתי ממש כמו קודם. Not only do we have a better relation, not only do we have the same relationship, we have a better. We have a better relationship than we've ever had. What's the formula we say all Yamim Noraim? All Elul, beginning of Tishrei, Selichos? What is the statement, what is the motto? All the Selichos we say is only we can get to the י"ג מידות הרחמים. So that we can scream and proclaim and make the walls shake with ה' ה' קל רחום וחנון. 13 attributes of God. Why do we repeat Hashem Hashem? We who are so concerned and aware of always reminding everyone there's only one God. שמע ישראל ה' אלוקינו ה' אחד, there is one God. The unity of Hashem's existence. And all of a sudden we begin ה' ה' קל רחום וחנון? Why do we say it twice, Hashem Hashem? So the Gemara Chazal say, Tosafos there comments, ה' אני קודם החטא אני אחר החטא. Hashem Hashem. The relationship we had before you messed up, the relationship we had before the mistake, the relationship we had before the poor judgment, the relationship we had before the distance you placed between us, Hashem afterwards, not only can we restore what we have, it can be better than ever. It can be better than ever. So don't go and mess up your life because in the back of your head you say, you know, I can indulge this appetite, I can mess up because I can always come back better than ever. That doesn't work. You can't go in with that attitude, not in marriage, not in a relationship with Hashem. But when often, inevitably, invariably, we all make mistakes, we need to know with him, and if we're lucky in the relationship we have with others, not only can we come back, we can come back better than ever. Not only can we restore, it can be more special than it ever was. So in a sense, when you experience that katnus, when you go into that dark or distant place, when you're struggling in your relationship with Hashem, don't go there on purpose and don't be happy you're there, but recognize that it's from there that you could bounce back better than ever. It's from there you could bounce back better than ever. You know, sometimes you have to have a yerida l'shem aliya. You fall. Talk about in the world of recovery, rock bottom. Did they hit their rock bottom? Because only when you hit your rock bottom will you get the bounce. And when you hit a rock bottom, the more velocity you hit it with, the higher the bounce will take you. But sometimes you need to, you need to hit a rock bottom in order to bounce. And so there's something, there's a value in that katnus. Sometimes when you feel far apart and distance, when you're not feeling that faith and you don't feel his presence, you can lean into it, embrace that, and use that to experience enormous growth. And I'll end by telling you, spoken about this and written about this, once came across this article in a science magazine. Yes, it's a flex, I read science magazines. I okay, I tripped on the article, I don't know how. And it said the following: Bats sleep upside down. Why do bats sleep upside down? Bats, B-A-T-S, bats, an animal, the bats. Bats sleep upside down. Why do they sleep upside down? Bats can fly, but bats have very short webbed arms. So their webbed arms enable them to have wings that can fly, but the anatomy of their webbed arms are so short. That they can fly, but they can't lift off. They have no lift, they can't lift off, but once they're in flight, they can fly. So you know why bats sleep upside down? Cause when they're ready to fly when they wake up, they let go, gravity pulls them to the ground, they pick up speed, and by falling they're able to gain flight. And when I read that I said wow. Wow, what a metaphor for us for life. Sometimes when you're falling, when you're falling your freefall can just spiral downward, or when you're falling it can build the velocity to take flight. You could use that fall to create the momentum that'll allow you to fly, to fly. So that katnut, that fall, that distance, leaning into it, embracing it, feeling far away, it can enable us and it can allow us to take flight and to be able to find lift and to be able to go higher than ever. Take out your phone, go on rabbiefraimgoldberg.org/whatsapp, join our WhatsApp groups for bonus material, continuing the conversation, our schedule. Tonight 9pm we're going behind the bimah with Meyers Leonard, talk about a fall that was turned into flight, played for the Miami Heat, made a big mistake, came back and grow, we'll talk all about how we can confront antisemitism in our time. Until next time, first of all stay safe and secure and dry, with the lights on, electricity. Until next time stay happy, stay healthy, and stay holy. Thank you.
