Transcript
Good morning boker tov and welcome back to Living with Emunah. I am so excited to be back together. We have so much to catch up on, so many Emunah stories to share, so much learning, so much energy, so much excitement. I want to thank our generous series sponsors for the year, Dr. Avi and Bella Morgan, our dear friends, in memory of Rabbi Dr. Brian Galbut and in memory of Bella’s mother, Dr. Ellen Shanzer. We remain incredibly grateful to them for their generosity. This morning's shiur is as well sponsored in memory of Dr. Jacob M. Hiller, who exemplified and modeled a life of simchas hachayim. We spent a lot of time learning about simchas hachayim, simcha, smiling, simcha, hatzlacha, and so on. And by Michelle and Marney Weingarten in honor of their parents Dr. Alexander and Merel Weingarten. Thank you to all of our generous sponsors, we are so deeply appreciative. I am very excited to present to you that our notebook has arrived, just as Ilana has arrived. Big thank you to Ilana, the incredible graphic designer, putting together a beautiful notebook based on our Living with Emunah shiur. This, if you remember, we spent a lot of time talking about turn the page. We don’t have to get stuck, we’re not fixed, we’re not locked. Our life doesn’t have to be what it was yesterday, but every day we can turn the page, Modeh Ani. Thank you Hashem for a new day, and we turn the page. So it’s a blank notebook. The top of every single page, Modeh Ani, thank you Hashem for a new day, turn the page. And the idea is you can keep your lists and you can write your journal and you can put down whatever you want, but every day you turn the page, it’s a new page, it’s a Modeh Ani, a new... where do you get it? I hoped somebody would ask. Right after the Emunah shiur you can purchase it outside, together with our Caffeinate with Kavana cup, our Living with Emunah turn the page notebook, and for those who are watching or listening online, im yirtzeh Hashem soon we will be able to make it available for purchase online as well. So a big thank you to Greta Baum for her help. Ilana Landau, incredible graphic designer, for all your graphic design needs. Amazing vision and creativity and ideas. Thank you so much for this. And very, very excited. I was actually just talking to... they came in the other day and I was talking to somebody who was going through a difficult time with friends and socially and was very, very upset and very, very disturbed and I said, here’s a notebook. Tomorrow morning you wake up and turn the page. It’s a new day, it’s a new beginning, Modeh Ani. Thank God, thank Hashem for the opportunity every day to turn the page. So every morning you can caffeinate with kavana and you can turn the page and you can start every day with Living with Emunah. Very, very excited about that and a big, big thank you. I want to get back to our learning. We’re in Biamdu Durchacha. Interestingly, Biamdu Durchacha not on Elul and Rosh Hashanah. Biamdu Durchacha on Pesach and Sefiras HaOmer. Why are we still there? Why are we stuck in Pesach and Sefiras HaOmer? Because we’ve been talking about the notion of katnus, mochin de’katnus and mochin de’gadlus. We have been talking about moments of advance and moments of retreat, front and back, when we feel Hashem connection, ratzu v’shov, running to and recoiling away. At times in our avodas Hashem, at times in our Emunah, we’re on fire, we feel His presence, we feel connected, we can’t wait to next talk to Him, we feel Him all around us, we’re filled with faith no matter what happens or goes wrong. And there are other moments we’re just not feeling it, we’re going through motions, it’s not connecting, we don’t feel His presence, we don’t feel attached, we feel distanced. And we’ve been learning why did Hashem design and create a world in such a way with such a rhythm and how do we connect with Him and how do we elevate ourselves even in those moments where we feel a little bit further from Him. But I want to share with you first two Emunah stories because I love the Emunah stories that people share with me. One I witnessed the other day and the other went around, you might have seen it online, but I think it bears repeating. We were in a wedding in New York the other day, we were coming down the elevator, eighth, ninth floor, wherever the wedding was, and there was a woman in the elevator, we happen to know her, happens to be related to somebody in our community. And her eyes were closed and she was mumbling under her breath, השם השם השם השם. And then when we hit the lobby and the doors opened, she said, thank You Hashem. So I said, what was that? She said, I hate elevators, so every elevator ride is a conversation with Hashem. So the whole way down was השם השם השם השם, we hit the lobby, thank You Hashem. But I thought, you know, the elevator ride is a metaphor for the ride for life. It’s bumpy, it can get stuck, it stops at floors you’re not really interested in stopping at, and when you get to where you’re meant to be, thank You Hashem, thank You Hashem for bringing me here, thank You Hashem for getting me here safely. But I love that she channeled whatever anxiousness she had about an elevator into an opportunity for a conversation with Hashem. Rav Pinkus writes that in Shearim B’tefillah. Rav Pinkus, the great Rav Pinkus zt"l, in his Shearim B’tefillah writes. He says, you know, you stub your toe and you scream ouch. So the ouch could either be an ouch which is fruitless and pointless and just a scream or the ouch... it could be ouch Hashem. You could react and feel and scream and it could just be out there, or you could react and scream and it could be out there, and you're using the fact that there's a moment of enthusiasm, energy, passion, the moment of feeling alive, to might as well direct that and channel that to a connection with Hashem. So whether it's an ouch or whether it's a groan or a sigh, or whether it's a smile or a laugh, but every experience and every opportunity is an invitation to a relationship with Hashem. So every elevator ride could be fraught with fear, or every elevator ride could be I'm getting in the elevator with Hashem and He's going to take me down. We're going to go down together. We're going to go down together. People—so people have all kinds of anxiety, fear, worry, meetings, travel. I had a child who didn't love escalators, now she hops on the escalators, but used to be a massive negotiation to get on an escalator. Whatever a person's particular hang-up, we can overcome it if we say this is not a moment of challenge, this is a moment of opportunity and invitation. I thought that elevator ride was a great metaphor for life. Four elevators, which for her was significant, or for other people if elevators are not a big deal, other things, other rides in life, which are filled with fear, to use it as an opportunity, Hashem, Hashem, Hashem, thank You Hashem. Thank You Hashem when we get there. That was number one. Number two. You may have seen this online, I loved this story. My 16-year-old son just got home from camp. Someone posted this on a beautiful WhatsApp group and it's on social media called MKY, Mi K'Amcha Yisrael. So much bad news about the Jewish people online. So many terrible stories, so many bad news. So Mi K'Amcha Yisrael put together—some people put together, it's Sruly Besser and others, it's Sruly Besser and others, a channel or postings of the good news of Mi K'Amcha Yisrael. Let's not only catch the Jewish people when we do wrong, let's catch the Jewish people doing right. Let's catch the Jewish people not only when we're turned off, let's catch the Jewish people when they can turn us on to Yiddishkeit and to Hashem. So this was posted in there. My 16-year-old son just got home from camp and due to flight cancellations his luggage was misplaced at the airport. The airline said they will not be able to do anything about it for at least 10 to 12 business days. Aside for actual clothing, we have a family wedding tomorrow and buying a whole new Shabbos wardrobe is not feasible. We live out of town and we're in Lakewood for the chasunah and I didn't know who to turn to. My sister posted the following request on her status: teenage boy came home from camp, all of his luggage is lost, if anyone has t-shirts, Shabbos clothing, etc., please let me know. Within minutes she had many responses including the following: I'm out of town but I'll give you the combination to my house, please go in and go to my son's room and help yourself to anything you need. Whatever fits the boy can have and keep. We just got back from the wonderful Yid's house and we are fully equipped for Shabbos and weekday. When I sent her, a total stranger to me, a thank you, this was her response: Amen. My pleasure. Clothing was literally sitting there waiting for you. I always give away clothes that they grow out of. For some reason didn't get to his closet yet this year. Hashem made me leave it there for you. Hatzlacha. So now, not only did she do a tremendous chesed, but she's making it seem like I'm the one helping her out. Mi K'Amcha Yisrael. So first of all, it's a story of Jewish chesed, of love, of kindness, but also hashgacha pratis. She normally cleans out the closet by then. She for whatever reason procrastinated, didn't get to it, was frustrated. Hashgacha pratis. It was all from Hashem. That closet was intact so that the stranger whose luggage was lost would have a full wardrobe. Absolutely incredible. I love these stories. We can all, we can all be inspired to do more. You know, there are—there are great people who said, to be a huge talmid chacham, to know kol haTorah kulah, to finish Shas, to have a genius mind, to remember everything, not everybody's made—we're not designed, we're not programmed, not all of us are built or equipped for that. But loving-kindness, to go above and beyond, to answer status requests for help, every one of us could do that. Every one of us can and should do that and walk in the way of Hashem. Okay, now we can get back to our regular scheduled learning. We're on page kof samech beis in the handout. Again, רב איצ'ה מאיר מורגנשטרן BeYam Derechcha, not the regular BeYam Derechcha we had been doing, the one on Pesach and Sefiras HaOmer and Shavuos, because we've been talking about ratzo v'shov, yemei katnus v'gadlus, yemei ye'ush v'ahava, when we feel close and when we recoil, when we are—the cycles of life, highs and lows in avodas Hashem. So I thought to myself, why are we continuing this? We originally did this in the month of Av. We were in the Three Weeks. We were approaching Tisha B'Av. And then it made a lot of sense to talk about highs and lows and finding Hashem even while you're sitting on the ground. Why are we still doing this in Elul? So I want to tell you an incredible Megaleh Amukos. The Megaleh Amukos, רב נתן נטע שפירא of Krakow, who lived in the late 1500s, the 1600s, the holy Megaleh Amukos, and he says the following. We're now in the month of Elul. Elul may be the most famous acronym... in all of Judaism. Most famous acronym. What does Elul stand for? Someone tell me one thing Elul stands for. The most famous. אני לדודי ודודי לי. I am to my beloved and my beloved is to me. אני לדודי ודודי לי, which is of course Shir Hashirim talking about our relationship with Hashem. By the way, also an emunah message. How do we get close to Hashem, Rav Avraham Shore says? When I take my ani and I give it ledodi. My I, my ego, my sense of self, I mevata, we studied that also in the emunah shiur. But when I take my ani and I give it ledodi. My ani and the dodi can either be in conflict and tension. Hashem, that's what you want, it's not what I want. Hashem, it's not about you, it's about me. It's not your priorities or hierarchy, it's what I want to be doing. Or I could take my ani, who am I, what am I made of, what are my talents, what are my what are my strengths, what is my mission? I take my ani, who I am, what I'm about, the gifts I've been lent, and I give it and I submit myself ledodi. That's the month of Elul. Elul is a time, ani, who am I and what am I about? But I'm taking my ani and I'm giving it over, I'm submitting it, I'm I'm relinquishing it, ani is ledodi. My ani is ledodi, vedodi li. And when I do that, you know what Hashem says? That's unbelievable. Wow! That commitment, that loyalty, that affection, I'm going to reciprocate. You are so devoted to me, then dodi li, that Hashem says that I'll reciprocate that love and that affection. This is the paradigm for marriage. Shir Hashirim, Shlomo Hamelech's description, the highest level relationship with Hashem. We have so many metaphors for our relationship with Hashem. What's an example, what's a metaphor? Hashem is our father, we're his children. Av u'ven. What's another one? Master and slave. What's another one? King and servant. What's another one? There are countless examples or metaphors. In fact, Kabbalah teaches that Hashem—it's not that Hashem created a world and then wrote the Torah. He looked in the Torah then he created a world. הסתכל באורייתא וברא עלמא. So he looked into the world and he said, I'm omnipotent and infinite, I'm the source of all. They're going to be finite limited human beings. How will they relate to me? How will we connect? I need to create examples of relationships that will each be a metaphor for another way they can connect to me. So it's not that after the fact we say, oh he's like Avinu Malkeinu, he's like a father, he's like a king, he's like a master, he's like a this, he's like a spouse. It's not after the fact, it's that he created these relationships so that—how do we know what it means for Hashem to be our father? Because we are children and please God we are parents, so we understand that relationship. How do we know what it means that he's our master? Because there are employers and employees—not that those are servants, unless you're in the rabbinate. There are—how do we know what it means to have a loving romantic relationship? There are spouses, husbands and wives. הסתכל באורייתא וברא עלמא. Which I spoke at my son-in-law's brother's aufruf and mentioned the sefarim bring down, that's why a chosson, a groom, the Shabbos before his wedding, the aufruf, the aufruf's not about the decor, the aufruf's not about the food or the menu, the aufruf certainly is not about the roasting of the friends, the aufruf is all about the chosson getting an aliyah. It's not even about throwing the candy at his head and missing him and hitting the rabbi. The aufruf is all about the aliyah. Why does a chosson get an aliyah at his aufruf? Because Hashem looked into the Torah and then created the world. This chosson is about to get married and create a new world with his wife, he has to look into the Torah. The Shabbos before his wedding, he looks into the Torah so he can now go and create his world. הסתכל באורייתא וברא עלמא. So these are the—which is the highest relationship? Which one do we strive for? Which is the highest metaphor? Master-slave, father, parent-child, husband-wife? The Mishna in Yadayim says רבי עקיבא אומר כל השירים קודש ושיר השירים קודש קודשים. All the songs are holy, all the metaphors are holy, Shir Hashirim is the Holy of Holies. That is the highest of highests. When we could feel we're in this romantic, loving, intimate, passionate relationship with Hashem, that's what we're striving for. So אני לדודי ודודי לי. Our relationship with Hashem should be like a passionate marriage and a marriage should be like a passionate relationship with Hashem. Marriage similarly ani ledodi. Marriage is not about let's see what you could do for me. Make me dinner, pay the bills, bring in an income, put the kids to bed. Marriage is not about what I can take, it's what can I give. What can I give, not what can I take. Ani, I want to take my ani. I've worked on myself for 18, 19, 21, 30... 40, 50 years, my ani who I am, I give l'dodi, I give to you. And then dodi li, and each side, then you have two halves becoming a whole. But if each one says what can I take, how can you serve me, what can you do for me, then you have one plus one, then you have two people competing. A healthy marriage is my ani is l'dodi. My ani is l'dodi. So that is the most popular acronym, Elul. We take so many detours, you know how hard it is to stay on this highway? It's exhausting, I have whiplash, I'm dizzy. But stay with me. I'm driving, so stay with me. Elul, most famous acronym. That's how we got into this: אני לדודי ודודי לי. Anyone can, anyone know another acronym for Elul? The Kitzur Shulchan Aruch quotes many of these, סימן קכח. אני לדודי ודודי לי. Anyone know another one? איש לרעהו ומתנות לאביונים. Wrong holiday. What holiday is that? Purim. What happens to be that Purim and Yom Kippur are two sides of the same coin, so it's not really another holiday. There's a deep connection between Purim and Yom Kippur, Yom Kippur. איש לרעהו ומתנות לאביונים tells me Elul's not just about, I don't climb into an ivory tower, I don't retreat, it's me and Hashem, I can't talk to anyone else, I'm not aware of anyone else, I don't have room or space or energy to care about anyone else. It's אני לדודי ודודי לי is my relationship with Hashem, איש לרעהו ומתנות לאביונים is a commitment and a care and a concern for the people around me. Matanos l'evyonim and mishloach manos is all about caring for the people around, איש לרעהו ומתנות לאביונים. Another acronym. Anyone know another one? The Arizal says ואשר לא צדה והאלקים אנה לידו ושמתי לך. אנה לידו ושמתי לך. There are many. There are countless. They're not countless, but there are many, many, many, many, many. But I want to share with you the Megaleh Amukos. The heilige Megaleh Amukos, the Rebbe in Parshas Eikev writes, Elul is ארון לוחות ושברי לוחות. ארון לוחות ושברי לוחות. The aron, the ark; the luchos, the tablets; v'shivrei luchos means the broken tablets. Why would Elul stand for ארון לוחות ושברי לוחות? So we know the Torah says that what did we put into the aron? אכתוב על הלחות את הדברים אשר היו על הלחות הראשונים אשר שברת ושמתם בארון. The luchos that you broke and place them in the aron. The Gemara Menachos, the Gemara Bava Basra, the Gemara in several places tell us לוחות ושברי לוחות מונחים בארון. You know what were in the ark and the Beis Hamikdash in the aron? It had the new, the beautiful tablets that persevered, that endured, but it also had the shards, the pieces of the broken tablets. Why? Why didn't you throw them away? The vase breaks, the bowl breaks, shards, pieces, throw them away. Collect them, put them away. It's holy, put them in sheimos, bury them, put them in sheimos. What are you doing in the sacred space of the aron, such limited space? It was actually miraculous space. The things that were in it were bigger than the room that there was. It was a miracle that it fit in the aron. And you're taking up precious real estate of the aron, more valuable than Monticello, and you're taking up with shivrei luchos, with the shards, with the pieces. Why? Why? So there are many beautiful interpretations that focus on the idea that a Jew doesn't have only the whole moments, we have broken moments. And we grow and we live and we hold on to the broken moments as much as we do the whole moments. Life is not linear, life is not simple, life has highs and lows. It has moments of feeling whole and moments of feeling broken. And we don't discard and we don't get rid of and we don't erase and we don't forget. And we don't revise and rewrite our own history, but there are broken moments and they go in the aron too. They go in the aron too. I'll give you two examples. We may even get to the sefer today. I'll give you two other examples of it. Marriage on the mind. What does a chosson do the last thing at the chuppah? Breaks a glass. Why does a chosson break the glass? The last time he's going to put his foot down. Okay, very good, everybody knows that. Haha, classic joke, classic rabbi Jewish joke. ברוך אתה ה' אלקינו מלך העולם שהכל נהיה בדברו. Amen. Caffeinate with kavanah. I'm going to share. Why does he break the glass? So of course because we're remembering Yerushalayim. The world is incomplete, there was another tragedy in Israel today, a soldier was killed in a training accident. exercise. Nebach on that family. Nebach on that family. The Jewish people, we should all feel broken. It's a piece of us which is deeply and profoundly broken every time there's a tragedy. Antisemitism, Jews were beaten up on the streets of Brooklyn again yesterday, and again no one's doing anything about it. Dangerous, damaging, devastating. So we break a glass because we're in the moment of incredible joy. I don't care how many singers you have singing, how much backup choir you have, how many flowers and decor, we're broken. With all the wholeness and with all the song and all the harmony, we break a glass because we're broken, we're incomplete. There's no Beis Hamikdash, there's no Mashiach, and we continue to suffer. We long for, perfect timing, we long for Mashiach, we long for Mashiach, we break that glass, remind ourselves we long for him. But there's another reason. And you know what that reason is? Dear choson and dear kallah need to know, you think you're madly in love and you love each other's cute little idiosyncrasies which are adorable and everything is so perfect and amazing, you need to know things are going to break. You don't leave the chuppah without breaking a glass because you need to know things are going to break. They're going to break. They're going to break, you're going to have a fight, a disagreement, tension. They're going to break, you're going to have difficult moments. They're going to break, hopes and dreams might not come true. Yocheved and I sooner are doing a panel, we're speaking for an organization, A TIME, for those struggling with pregnancy loss, about to give some chizuk. I think that it's a terrible disservice that we do that we don't teach young people, maybe senior year of high school, maybe yeshiva seminary, maybe choson and kallah classes, what percentage of pregnancies end with a miscarriage? They shouldn't just think because they read in the bulletin of their shul every Shabbos, mazel tov on a new baby, that as soon as you're ready, you get married, you try, and you pop out babies at will. That's not the way of the world. They should know that please God they'll find their mate, but there are a lot of people it takes some time and you need to be patient, and there's a life even while you're waiting to get married that doesn't have to define you. We need to teach young people that there are broken moments, there are broken moments. And so a choson breaks the glass under the chuppah because what we're telling the choson and kallah is there are highs and lows, there are moments of wholeness and moments of brokenness. And in Elul, it's not only aron veluchos says the Megaleh Amukos, it's ארון ולוחות ושברי לוחות. In Elul, we look back on our last year, and we plan with an eye towards the next year, and we are focused on an aron, the light of the aron, the holiness of the aron, the spirituality of the aron, and we embrace and we remember and we are nostalgic for our luchos moments, but we also remember our shivrei luchos moments. There are moments of brokenness, there are moments of incompleteness, there are moments of dashed dreams, there are moments of tension and loss, there are moments of pain and suffering. There are shivrei luchos in the aron too. Elul's not all fun and games or joy or simple. Elul is ארון ולוחות ושברי לוחות as well. That's what we work on. That's one of the acronyms. אני לדודי ודודי לי, I give my ani ledodi, says Rav Shor. איש לרעהו ומתנות לאביונים, to care about and see and have compassion and have empathy for the people around me. And ארון לוחות ושברי לוחות. Life is not simple. Give you one last example of it. Pesach. Pesach. It's only Erev Rosh Hashanah, don't worry, it's not Pesach. But there was an ancient custom quoted by Rishonim, they would have a fourth matzah at the seder. We're accustomed to three matzahs, Avraham Yitzchak veYaakov, the avos, or three matzahs correspond with Kohen Levi Yisrael, all the different reasons for three matzahs. But there was a minhag to have four matzahs. And the fourth matzah as brought down by Rishonim was called matzas safek. The matzas safek. What is a matzas safek? What's a matzas safek? So the tradition was, you brought a backup matzah to the seder table. You know why? 'Cause there was a good chance that a matzah was going to break. A matzah is going to break. Someone's going to spill the wine. You should start out the seder by knocking over a cup. Yes, good, done, we got that out of the way. We got that out of the way, we've ruined the tablecloth, we've spilled, it's all over the kittel, we got that out of the way, now Kadesh Urchatz. Now we can begin. But it's a beautiful symbolism that you bring that matzas safek to the table because you need to know. You come to the Pesach seder, you know the highest level of depression, studies show, is around holidays. I'm not talking about Jewish holidays, although that too probably, but secular holidays, because people come to those holidays with expectations. You know what? This time it's going to be different. My parents, my siblings, my place at the table, the way... It's gonna be different. This time it's gonna be different. But it's not. And it's disappointing, and in some cases devastating. And then people get terribly depressed. So we bring the matzah safeik to the Seder table to say, you know what? Be prepared and know going in, something's going to spill, something's going to break, something's going to go wrong. You're going to have broken luchos moments. Put them in your aron. They too go in the aron. They too go in the aron. You can grow the most from those moments sometimes. Sometimes those moments reveal a breakthrough opportunity. Esther Perel, a great therapist, talks—she has a TED talk with millions of views, I highly recommend—she talks about coming back from infidelity, and she talks about how the broken moments can either end a relationship or they can be the launch of a new relationship, of a second marriage with the same person, because they reveal something that could or needed to be fixed. It's the perspective that one brings. Not a simple topic whatsoever, but there is a metaphor for life also in a relationship with Hashem, when it's broken or there's infidelity or there's broken luchos. They belong. You don't erase it, you don't pretend it didn't happen, you don't have revisionist memory or history, but it goes into the aron, the shivrei luchos. Aron, v'luchos, v'shivrei luchos. They all belong. We learn and we gain something from all of it. All right, so let's begin. We have four minutes left. Let's begin. Let's begin. We're on page kuf samech beis. So we've talked about why. Why did Hashem create the world this way? Why do we need shnei matzavim? Why do we need highs and lows? Why do we need—sometimes we feel close, sometimes we feel distant, sometimes we feel whole, sometimes we feel broken? Can't it be simple? It's when you have a shul minyan all over, you hear the shofar. Why, why can't it be simple? Why can't it be simple? Why does it have to be this way? So Rav Itche Meir talked about the reason is because we are created. We are among the nivra. We are among the created. God is the creator and we are the created. And being created creates two realities. On the one hand, when we focus on the fact that I am created, I only exist, I only serve at the pleasure of God. I only exist because of the generosity and the graciousness of God. And therefore I don't really have an identity or a reality independent or outside of God. He created, I am created because of Him. On the other hand, simultaneously we feel, but you know what? He created me and now I exist. I'm good to go. Thank you, God. Shkoach. I am here. Now I'm a someone and I'm good to go. I'll let you know if I need you. I'm independent. I have my own position, my own status, my own identity, my own independence. So being a nivra yields two realities simultaneously. Both a feeling dependent and independent, feeling I have an identity and I have no identity, it's intertwined with You. And because there are those two realities that result from being among the created, we have the two feelings. One of them breeds, I feel close, ratza, I'm running to You. I feel close to You, I feel connected to You. Tomorrow night, 9:00 PM, hisbodedus at the beach for those who want to join us. We're going to learn a little piece from Rav Nachman about hisbodedus and spread out on the dark beach without our phones to have a genuine conversation with the Almighty. Sometimes we're running to get close to Him, to talk to Him, to feel in His presence. But then when we feel I'm independent, I don't need You, I'm good to go, God, then shov, I feel distant, I feel I'm on my own. I either don't feel Your presence, see Your presence, don't feel I need Your presence. So it brings both realities. The question is, what's the avodah? How do we serve Him when we're in a position of katnus, mochin de'katnus? We're in a place of smallness, we're in a place of low, not in a place of high. So, you know, we opened up the sefer by telling you a beautiful teaching of Rav Nachman in advance of tomorrow night. Rav Nachman in Likutey Moharan, in the first volume, he writes the following: Chassidim are very mistaken when they think at times that they have suddenly fallen in their avodas Hashem. It's not really a fall at all. It is precisely because they're ascending from level to level that all the old obstacles of the desires, confusions, fantasies, doubts, impediments, they reawaken and attack them. A person must constantly work to subdue the barriers on every level. The truth is, it's not a fall at all. Even when you feel you've fallen, you feel you're far away, that's a fall because you ran into a ceiling because you've been climbing. Every time you climb, there'll be a ceiling that tries to get in your way. And when you bounce off of it, it feels like a fall, but you just need to run through it or over it or around it. What feels like a fall is really a regrouping. It's a re-energizing. That's the world we live in, constant change of highs and lows. And he explains. And beautiful sefer, In All of Your Ways, there's a beautiful explanation of an old story that we know. The Gemara in שבת דף לא tells the story of Shammai and Hillel, that the convert came and said I want to become Jewish standing on one foot. What did Shammai do? He chased him away with a rod. Chased him away with an instrument, with a tool. He went to Hillel, what did Hillel do? He said I'll convert you. So the Maggid of Mezritch said, says the המגיד הקדוש ממעזריטש, you know what was going on over here? This non-Jew said I want to become a Jew but only if I can have whole luchos. I don't want broken luchos. I'll become a Jew if I can stand on one foot. What is standing on one foot? The highs, one foot means balance. I don't want any lows. I don't want to fall. I want to be able to stand on one foot. I want to comfortably balance, feel whole and happy. I only want the highs of Yiddishkeit. I only want the ratzo not the shov, the kedem not the achor, I only want the gadlus not the katnus. I only want to feel the good and the pleasure. And what did Shammai do? He took a builder's rod, a builder's tool and chased him away why? He's hinting, that's not the structure of the world. The builder's tool. That's not the way the world is built, the way the world is created. The world has highs and lows and we need to take a tool and repair. We need to rebuild, we need to climb, we need to fix, we need to repair. There's ups and there's downs. He went to Hillel and Hillel felt the same way, he was of the same opinion, but Hillel said whatever you hate don't do to your friend out of love, he said that he would teach him. He'd convert and later he'd teach him that there's luchos and there's shivrei luchos. There's highs and there's lows and we have to learn to connect to Hashem in all the circumstances. So I guess next week we'll pick up with how. How do you connect with Hashem in those moments of low? When you feel far away, when you feel distanced, how do you connect to Hashem? It's easy when you're on a high. It's easy when you can't wait for the next kumzitz and you're dancing to that heilige Jewish music and you can't wait for the next davening to pour out your heart to Him and you can't wait to stay after Emunah Shiur to say Tehillim that אסתר טילא בת אריה ציפורה should have a complete speedy refuah sheleimah. Please stay afterwards, we have the Tehillim each week after the Emunah Shiur. It's easy when you're on a high, Ne'ilah, song, you don't even want the fast to end. It's easy. But what happens when you wonder where is He? And why is He doing this? And why don't I feel Him? And why don't I feel like doing anything? How do you get going in those moments? Im yirtzeh Hashem we will pick up with next time. Tonight Living with Emunah, tonight Behind the Bima 9:00 PM, tomorrow evening 9:00 PM, Hisbodedus at the beach. Outside now you can purchase your Caffeinate with Kavana and your Turn the Page notebook, which will be available online soon as well. Until next time, stay happy, stay healthy, stay holy.
