Transcript
Good morning, welcome back to Living with Emuna. I want to thank our generous series sponsors for the year: Dr. Avi and Bella Morgenstern in memory of Rabbi Dr. Brian Galbut, in memory of Ellen's mother, Dr. Ellen Schantz. This morning's shiur is also sponsored by Michelle Diamond in honor of the first yahrtzeit of our beloved, our dear friend we miss so much Chaim Diamond, who displayed such emuna in his life and at the end of it, and we think of him and dedicate our learning to him. It's also sponsored by our friend Yvette Calblom for the speedy recovery of her husband Aaron Calblom who is undergoing back surgery this morning; should go smoothly, he should have a speedy and painless refuah shleima. And for the yahrtzeit of her father Herbert Levine, whose neshama should have an aliyah. Also if you have not yet signed up for our One and One campaign, dollar a day of tzedakah, minute a day of Torah learning, in the merit of אסתר טילא בת אריה לייב צפורה, Esty Moskowitz. The Moskowitzes get alerted every time someone signs up. It's very meaningful to them, it gives them a lot of chizuk, gives Esty a lot of chizuk. 136 people have signed up so far, but that is a tiny fraction of our shul let alone the people who listen online. So everyone has a dollar a day and everyone has a minute a day to learn. You can go to birasonline.org/oneandone, birasonline.org/oneandone. Do it because it's right and it'll be in her merit. Do it because the Moskowitzes find out about it and it's meaningful to them. Do it because it's good for you and you'll feel better about it. Birasonline.org/oneandone. One housekeeping note: the next two weeks we will not be live in person, but we will continue the Emuna shiur im yirtzeh Hashem online from an undisclosed location, streaming live. Very special location, very special people, for whom we're extraordinarily grateful. So the next two weeks not live in person but live online, same bat channel, so you can make your own cup of coffee and wear whatever you want, just leave your camera off and join us online. Okay, your camera is off, it's on YouTube. That's why we're on YouTube, so we don't have any bar mitzvah mishaps. Okay, we're still in B'yam Derechecha, we are learning Rav Itche Meir Morgenstern, Rav Yitzchak Meir, known lovingly, affectionately as Rav Itche Meir. Rav Itche Meir, Rav Yitzchak Meir Morgenstern in his B'yam Derechecha and we've been learning all about simcha, simcha, serving Hashem with simcha, simchas hachayim, having a joy for life. We spoke last week, halevai this would be one of the questions in the shidduchim inquiries: does the other party have a simchas hachayim? Are they happy? Are they joyful? Are they generally a happy person, a joyful person? I have us on page kuf-samech, 160, os ches. Speak now or forever hold your peace. That's where we're up to. Good, that's where I'm starting anyway. ולפעמים האדם מרגיש עצבות בגלל שחסר לו כל מיני דברים, even attaching ourselves to the shalem, namely to God who is whole, who is complete, by riding God's coattails and therefore we're supposed to make everything make sense. Even when we're lacking, we're incomplete, when we're struggling, even when things are not entirely right, even when we are not understanding, but if we attach ourselves to Him and if we ride His coattails and we rely on Him and believe that He does everything for a reason and to Him everything makes sense, still it's hard to not get sad because sometimes things are missing in our lives and it's hard if not impossible to not be sad about it. There are people who are desperate to get married, there are people who are desperate for children, there are people desperate for good health, there are people desperate for parnassa. There are people desperately waiting and lacking for all types of things, very significant, very consequential, that most around them take for granted and they wish they could too. So how is not one brought down, how is not one saddened? כי אחד מדרכי היצר להכניס אדם לעצבות היא על ידי שהוא מזכיר לאדם ומעורר אותו לחשוב על כל מיני דברים שהוא רוצה ומאוד חשובים לו ועדיין מתעכבים. One of the methodologies, one of the strategies of the yetzer hara is to get us to concentrate and think about and focus not on what we have but on what we don't have. Not on what's there but on what's missing. It is a methodology of the yetzer hara. That means to say that even without our focusing on it, it's missing and it's not there and it's hard to live without. But now that that is a given, now that those are the cards that we are dealt, now that that is a reality, what do we choose to focus on? What do we choose to define us? What do we choose to define and influence our day and our joy and our relationships and our happiness? והדרך לצאת מעצבות הזאת היא על ידי שיחזק את עצמו באמונה עוד ועוד ועוד ועוד. The answer, the antidote, the way to transform, the way to pivot and to refocus is to practice, it's to practice, it takes practice, and to condition ourselves to emuna, to condition ourselves to emuna. It's just, it is the solution. Again, a person who has diagnosed depression who needs intervention... We're not talking about clinical or diagnosed level. We're talking about the general feelings that we have. I give you an example, it's a petty small insignificant example, it's nothing halevai should be the worst thing that happens, but I'll give you an example. I have a, it's ridiculous how much detail I'm going to give you, but I have a backup old iPhone that has my Shabbos alarm on it because the Shabbos alarm app doesn't work for whatever reason on my new iPhone and that's what I keep in my drawer and I set before Shabbos before Yom Tov so that I could wake up and give a drasha and the like. So normally I charge it in time so I could set the alarm on Erev Shabbos and I'm good to go for Shabbos morning. It's a Shabbos alarm, it beeps a couple times, it's a shalom bayis alarm, it only beeps a couple times and it wakes me up and we're good to go. It might be I have to set a few of them but they each only beep a couple of times. So this past Erev Shabbos which also happened to be Erev a three-day Yom Tov that needed alarm set for Sunday and Monday too, I had forgot to charge it, it was dead. When I plugged it in it refused to come back to life in time for me to go to shul. So I was panicking. Do I come late to Mincha? I've never been late to Mincha on a Friday night in my life, I'm not late to Mincha. I'm not coming late, but it's not coming on, it's not coming back to life, it doesn't have the alarm set. What am I going to do? I'm going to sleep in, I'm going to miss the Yizkor drasha, I'm going to miss shul, I'm going to wake up one o'clock in the afternoon, I will have missed having to give all the drashas. I panicked. I came to shul and I was panicked. I was davening and all I could think about was, should I run home between Mincha? Do I see if it came on? Do I set the alarm? What's going to happen? I'm going to oversleep, I'm never going to wake up, I'm not going to give the Yizkor drasha, the world will stop spinning on its axis and everything will come to an end if I don't give that Yizkor drasha. How will anyone survive Yom Tov or what will Yizkor mean to them? And so I panicked and it was destroying my davening Friday night, it was destroying my Friday night. And then all of a sudden I realized, as it often takes a little time lag to kick in, I said, buddy, you're the guy who gives the shiur every week, Living with emuna. And all of a sudden I said to myself, if Hashem had wanted it to come on in time to set it, He would have and He didn't, that means it's meant to be. And if He wants you to wake up anyway, you'll wake up. And if you sleep in, the world won't come to an end. And if you miss every drasha, everyone will be okay and Yizkor will be just fine and Yom Tov will still be beautiful and joyful and it'll be the way it's meant to be. And I took a couple of deep breaths and I remembered this is what I teach and preach every week, I might as well practice it. And it was unbelievable, I enjoyed the rest of Yom Tov. I didn't think about it, I didn't care about it. And PS I woke up, like four o'clock, five o'clock, six o'clock, seven o'clock, but I woke up, I woke up in time for the Hashkama drasha. I'm not telling that to you because I'm special, I'm telling that to you exactly for the opposite. I'm so not special that even though I sit in front of you every week and give the same exact Torah every week, same exact, I also struggle. I may be the one sitting here, I may be the one delivering the message every week, but I also struggle in that moment when the rubber meets the road, when you're in a confront and I said, this should be the most challenging situation of my life, of my year, of my week, of my day. It was a big fat nothing to worry about but you panic. It's not working, I won't wake up, what's going to be? I'm going to wake up and look at the clock and see what time it is, I'll be humiliated, I'll be embarrassed, I'll be ashamed, I'll get fired, it'll be terrible and you panic. And then you take a deep breath and you say, wait, He's in charge, He's in control, there's a reason and a purpose, this is what's meant to be. It's easy to say this about an alarm that won't turn on, it's not easy to say this about a person that you lose or about something that you long for and want that's part of life. I'm not comparing and I'm not minimizing and I'm not over-exaggerating this problem, I'm giving it as a small tiny little mashal example in my life because I don't have an email to read to you this week, I'm giving you as a little example in my life of you can panic about a whole range of things that are on your plate. Who doesn't wake up every morning and have good reasons to panic? If not about the Yizkor drasha, about whatever else, how will it get done and what will happen with the flight and what's going to be with my kids and what will happen at the doctor and what will happen with the livelihood and what will happen with this decision and what will happen this interaction and what will happen with... Who doesn't have? You take that deep breath and you lean in and double down on your emuna. It's either real or it's not real, He's there or He's not there, you believe everything is for a reason and a purpose or this whole thing is a joke. And if He's real, and we know He is, and if He's running the world and He's in charge and He's in control and He has dominion and providence and all that happens is for a reason, then go along for the ride. And you go from I'm not exaggerating when I tell you... Do I wake up in time or not? This is so fun. This is so fun. He's in charge, He's in control, I can't do anything more at this point. There's nothing I can do, so I'm so curious. I can't wait to see how the novel ends. I can't wait to see how the movie ends. I can't wait to see what happens, will I wake up or not? Now Baruch Hashem it had a good ending. But if it didn't, that also would be what was meant to be. Again, a tiny insignificant small silly example, but it wasn't. I could have had a miserable three-day Yom Tov or an exciting let's see how this ends, this is so fun, let's see what happens. Now it's not so fun when you're waiting for lab results to come back, not "oh I'm so curious this is so fun let's see let's see the lab results," I understand that. But on the small petty things which make up the majority of our lives if we're blessed, on those, put them in context and perspective, take deep breaths and don't panic, let go and let God, lean in and realize He's in charge. So this is fun. Let's see if we take off on time or if the flight gets cancelled. This is so fun. Let's see if the bag gets delivered or if the luggage was lost. This is so fun. I'm so curious how this will turn out, what kind of drasha material I'll get out of it. Can't wait to find out. Can't wait to find out. ויאמין שבודאי השם יתברך נותן לו כל מה שנצרך לו עתה. The fly is still here. Mamash. It's a beautiful thing. Some gilgul of someone who never came to shul. Some reincarnation of somebody who never came to shul and now can't leave. Can't find a way out, stuck in shul forever. ויאמין שבודאי השם יתברך נותן לו כל מה שנצרך לו עתה. Hakadosh Baruch Hu, we have to believe gives us everything I need in this moment, at this time, באותו רגע כפי תיקונו at each moment according to what's meant, what's destined for me. ואם השם יתברך עדיין לא נתן לו את מה שהוא רוצה. But what I want, why don't I have what I want? I want the house, I want the car, I want the spouse, I want the child, I want the job, I want the health, why don't I have what I want? זה סימן ברור שכעת לא טוב לו לקבל את זה. Hashem is hinting, He's speaking to us, He is communicating to us, if you don't have what you want, it's because it's not right for you right now. We read last week that email, person wanted 150 jobs he applied for and got none, and the 151st that he applied for on a whim, which was a dream job for him he never thought he should have gotten, he got. And if not for the 150 rejections he never would have gotten that job he wanted. So what do you mean ואם השם יתברך עדיין לא נתן לו את מה שהוא רוצה? But I want it, but I want that girl, I want that man, I want that job, what do you mean no? Because it's not what's right for you right now. So turn the page, daf chadash, modeh ani, God gives us a new day and let's see where the story goes. Let's read the next chapter of our book. Can't wait to see what happens next in this thriller, in this mystery novel called life. This mystery novel called life. כי כל מה שהשם יתברך עושה זה אך ורק לטובתו השלמה. All that God does, He's perfect, He's omnipotent, He's infinite, and He's in charge and in control and all that He does is carefully choreographed, curated, organized, designed from above. There are no coincidences, there is no chance, there is no randomness, there is no nature, it's all from Him. It's all from Him. וצריך לסמוך עליו בלב שלם. So we have to lean in and trust Him with a whole heart, with a whole heart. כי רק הוא יודע מה טוב באמת ורק בידו לסדר את הכל. He knows what's right, what's good, what's true, and He and He alone has the power to do it all. So He keeps saying to us, Nu, relax, I told you I got it. I told you I've got your back. Just stick with me. Why do you keep not sticking with me? Why do you keep doubting me? Why do you keep challenging me? Why do you keep looking for other answers and other solutions? Now give a mashal in a relationship which is purely hypothetical, but imagine somebody is planning a big event and they're panicked over a lot of things they have to do, so they ask the person close to them, "can you take care of these three things?" Person says "no problem, I got it, I'm trustworthy, you can be confident in me, I got it, take it off your list, you don't have to worry about it." Then they ask you five more times and you say "I said I got it, it's done." Then you find out they asked three other people "could you also help or work or make sure or take care of it?" You say "why are you asking other people? And why are you still following up with me? And why are you worried about it? Do you trust me or not?" When I say it's done and I've got it, when I say stick with me and I've got your back, when I say it's under control, it's tension in our relationship. What does it say about your faith in me if you're not willing to let go and let me take charge? When I said I've got it, and I said it's done, and I said you can trust me. Don't ask other people and don't follow up with me. It's done. So Hakadosh Baruch Hu says, what are you panicking? And what do you keep asking? And what do you keep turning in other directions? And what do you keep doubting that whatever's happening is the way it's meant to be? You're challenging our relationship. This tension you're introducing in our relationship, if you're not willing to let go and let God, if you're not willing to lean in and say, God I've done everything I can, I want to cross it off my list, I've taken it as far as I can go. We don't believe, this is a big discussion, somebody did contact me recently and ask if we can continue to revisit the balance between hishtadlus, the effort, the initiative we take, and the emunah. When is it all up to us? When do we have to go further, work harder, do more, and when do we say here's the gvul, here's the boundary? I've gone as far as I can go, God, I'm letting go, it's up to you. What's that balance? We don't believe that you sit at home and say God will provide, someone will drop off a brown paper bag with cash if I'm meant to have a living, I don't need to work. We don't say I don't need to go to the doctor. If God wants me to get better, I will spontaneously have a refuah sheleimah. We don't say that. You have to take initiative. But once you've checked it off your list by having taken it as far as you can go, once we've done all that we can, God, I've gone as far as I can go, I want to take it off my list and now I'm ready to let go and that's it, there is no tension between me and you. I don't know what I did wrong. It's a fly, Baruch Hashem, Baruch Hashem. It's a message. We'll figure it out. We'll figure it out. So we introduce tension in our relationship with Him when we doubt Him, when we keep questioning Him, when we undermine Him by counting on elsewhere. We have to do our initiative, we have to go as far as we can go, we have to do what's reasonable and what's responsible, and then we have to let go. And then we have to let God. Beleiv shaleim with a full heart, כי רק יודע מה טוב באמת, He knows what's right, what's good, ורק בידו לסדר הכל and He has the power, He has the control, He has the ability to organize everything. ודע שכל זמן שהאדם חושב וסומך על בני אדם או על כל דבר אחר אזי יהיה בו אחיזה של עצבות. As long as you're dependent and reliant on other people or other things, you will be sad. You leave room and an opening for stress, anxiety, worry, and sadness. And sadness. כי המקום היחידי ששם השמחה האמיתית והשלמה, the one place where there's genuine happiness, true, authentic, real, and whole, הוא המקום של הביטחון האמיתי והגמור בשם יתברך. But I don't understand, the surgeon's the one who's going to do the surgery. I shouldn't depend on, rely on, be grateful, think about him? And the answer is yes and no. The surgeon is the shaliach of Hashem. The surgeon is the agent, the ambassador, the surgeon is the one who's going to do the work for God. But as you're wheeled into surgery, it's: I hope the surgeon's successful because I hope Hashem guides his hand. If Hashem wants the surgeon to succeed, he will, and if He wants the surgeon to slip and mess up, that's what will happen. Does that mean we don't hold other people accountable? We do, there's malpractice insurance to cover that. But of course we hold people accountable, particularly if it's negligence. But ultimately, ultimately it's from Hashem. So everything we could do in life, from appearing before the judge or jury, to coming before the surgeon or doctor and waiting for that lab report, to our professional life at work, our private life at home, we realize that all the people we interact with and all the people whom we rely upon are agents of Hashem. They're agents of Hashem. So while we're grateful to them, we should buy them a gift and say thank you and they saved our life and they represented us in court and they did good work for us, we've tremendous gratitude and we're grateful and show appreciation, but they were agents, they were the hand of Hashem. They were the hand of Hashem. So you don't daven, daven, daven, daven, and then you lie in the gurney worrying, surgeon, the surgeon, the surgeon, the surgeon. The surgeon is the hand, the extension of Hashem. So when you think it's all up to the surgeon, then what's going to happen? You're going to lie on that gurney while you're prepped for surgery, they've taken your phone so you've nothing to do but lie there and worry, lying vulnerable in a robe under cold blankets in a hall, and all you have to do is worry, what if the surgeon didn't get a good night's sleep? What if he partied too late last night? What if he's in the middle of a fight with his wife or child? What if he's addicted to substances? What if, what if, what if, what if he's going to this morning all of a sudden get a tremor in his hand? What if, what if, what if? There's room for worry, there's room for sadness because you think it's all up to the surgeon. But if you're grateful to the surgeon, you meet with the surgeon, you're kind to the surgeon, but you realize the surgeon's just just an agent of Hashem, then you're not going to be sad, because Hashem doesn't get tremors, and he doesn't stay up too late at night, and he doesn't get in a fight with anyone, and he's never in a bad mood. Everything that he does is perfect. Everything that he does is by design, everything he does is with the ultimate expression of control. So it gives us a sense of calm. Calm. It's a lot harder to have calm lying in that gurney than it is about setting your Yom Tov alarm. It's a lot harder, admittedly, but still, in every situation of life, as we've said countless times, one thing I know is you don't make it better by worry, and you never improved anything with your sadness. That never made anything better. No relationship improved, no result improved, because you were worried or you were sad. It only compounds it, makes it worse. It never ever ever makes it better. A doctor doesn't say, oh you're really panicked, you're really worried, you've called my emergency line 17 times in the middle of the night, I guess I'll try really hard in this surgery. It never makes things better. It never makes the traffic move faster, the flight go more on time, never makes the people around us act the way we want them to. It never makes the anything better. It only compounds our problems and makes it worse. So let go and let God. Hashem, I've done everything I can. I searched out the best surgeon in the country because Jews only go to the best. I flew to the best hospital, I got in because we only go to the best. I've done everything that I can to prepare, to prep, to be ready, to line up the follow-up, and now I present myself to you with no worry, no fear, and no sadness. A smile. Smile on my way in. You know, the shiur is dedicated in memory of Rabbi Doctor Galbut. I talk about him often, but when he went into his first major surgery for his brain tumor, as they were wheeling him down the hallway to the operating room, he had his sons by his side and a Gemara open, and he wanted the last thing that he would be saying or speaking or doing or experiencing with them on the way into surgery was learning Torah. With joy. It wasn't 'we'll say Tehillim together,' 'we'll panic together,' and 'we'll say I love you together,' and 'we'll leave nothing unsaid together.' What's the Gemara we're up to? We're going to continue, we're going to leave off for the surgery, we're going to pick up right after. And that was the attitude that he went in with, and that was the joy that he had, and those were the words on his lips, literally, a Gemara open, sons on his side, learning Gemara on the way in. It's superhuman. I'm not telling you that everybody's capable of that. But that capacity, to have that, to have that, that sense and that attitude. We go through challenges and hard times, and we shouldn't beat ourselves up if we're not on that level, but we should know that we have it within us. And it makes things better, not worse. It's not a cop-out, it's a solution. It doesn't compound our problems, it helps us with them. We have the ability. Happiness is a decision, not an emotion. It is a decision. You have to catch yourself to make that decision when you panic over the alarms or things much, much, much, much more significant. You have to catch yourself. You have to take that deep breath, you have to remind and remember that, no, I don't want to and I don't have to feel that way. I don't have to panic, I don't have to be sad, I don't have to compromise every Yom Tov meal because I'm going to be sitting there in shpilkes while I wait. No. I remembered. And now I can let go and now I can enjoy the ride. And now I can find that simcha. So even when there are things missing, and even when there are things challenging, and even when there are hard things happening, we have that ability when we make that decision, when we've put our focus. Hametzius hagashmius—I'll continue os tes. המציאות הגשמית של עולם הזה ששרשה ביסוד העפר ולכן העולם מגושם כעפר ממש. The physical reality of this world, its root is in the element of earth, of dust. The world, the physical world is made of earth and dust, mamash. Earth and dust, or this past Shabbos Yom Tov, mud. ומזה מתלבש לפעמים בנפש האדם עצבות וכבדות. There are four elements and they correspond with four emotions or feelings and four services of Hashem in this world. So afar, or earth, which is the lowliest element—earth, the ground, the soil, the earth, the dirt—is the weightiness, the heaviness of life, the sadness of life, שהם מתעוררים לו מיסוד העפר שבו. The earth, the emotion of earth, the spirit sense of earth, earthliness, heaviness, sadness. והנה נודע שהתכלית של כל ענין גשמי היא כדי להעלותו. Hashem put us and planted us in this whole physical world, in the physical universe. He housed our soul in a physical body in order for us to transform and to elevate it. ולכן מבעת כאשר בא הנפש הבהמית לעצבות. So sadness is rooted in our animal soul, not our godly soul. It's a very deep idea. So listen carefully. It's a very deep idea. When we feel that sense of weightiness and heaviness and sadness and slowness of life, that's all coming from the animal soul in us. That's coming from the earthly component of us. That's coming from the physical definition and character of us. We're made up of these two dimensions simultaneously. On the one hand, we're animals, animal instinct, animal impulse, animal appetite. On the one hand, we like animals, eat, eliminate what we ate, we procreate, anatomically, biologically, we have so much in common with animals, we're part of the animal kingdom, the animal world, and we have a level of an animal soul called a nefesh. But while an animal stops there, and we spoke about, I don't remember when, a few weeks or months ago, Maharal, an animal's called a behema, ba mah, what you see is what you get, the animal walks on all four because the animal faces the ground is drawn to the earth. The animal's earthly and the animal's physical and the animal's the here and now and the animal gives into its impulse and instinct and the animal only pursues what it wants with no does not discriminate. That's the animal soul that we have but we also have a godly soul, צלם אלוקים חלק אלוקה ממעל ממש, the Baal HaTanya would say. We have a godly soul as a piece of God literally inside us. And that godly soul's not the nefesh but the neshama. It's that second layer, that second level, it's the higher level. And the neshama is the disciplined, the neshama is in control, the neshama is in charge, the neshama is driven by intellect, the neshama is the much, much higher level. So when we're overwhelmed with sadness, with heaviness, with weightiness, when we become helpless and hopeless, that's that animal soul. That's that earthly soul. That's the physical boundary limitation soul. But the godly soul can kick in and say, let go and let God, and don't worry, and don't be sad, and don't be drawn down, האדם מרגיש מצב רוח רע זה סימן שהתעורר אצלו יסוד העפר בצד הרע. If you feel that you're sad, if you feel overwhelmed with sadness, I'm not talking about grief, legitimate grief from the loss of a loved one. I'm not talking about legitimate grief from the loss of a loved one. Just talking about sadness. You wake up one day and you don't know why you're sad, you're down, you're low energy. Where does that come from? It comes from the animal soul. It comes from the earthly soul. It comes from the yesod of afar inside us. And what's the answer or antidote? What's in our power or control? How can we repair or fix it? By remembering that we are empowered to transform and to transcend. We don't have to be satisfied with the animal in us. We can and we must express the godly in us. We can transcend that animal instinct, impulse, appetite, fear, worry, anxiety, envy, jealousy, arrogance, and we can express the better or best part of ourselves. Not the nefesh but the neshama. That godliness that is inside each and every one of us that's filled with possibility. As we said the Maharal describes the animal walks on all fours drawn to the earth but the human being walks on two legs because we strive and we reach higher and higher. We elevate and we lift higher and higher. We're not satisfied with the here and now and we don't look down with a sense of of fatalism. We look up, we stretch up, we reach up higher towards the heavens. Human being walks on two feet not four legs because we're growing and we're reaching, we're striving, the shamayim the heavens, Hashem you're in charge, you're in control. And when I let God, I don't have to feel weighed down drawn to this earth, the gravity that makes me feel so heavy, so weighed. I can defy the physical and the spiritual gravity. I can defy gravity. I can fight gravity. I can elevate over gravity. וצריך מיד להיכנס בכח לשמחה. And when you're feeling that, it's a sign that you have to make the decision to be happy. On the average day where you could go either way and it's just an average day, okay, smiling a lot, not smiling a lot, whatever it is. But on the day that you wake up specifically, specifically on the day that you wake up feeling heavy, the day that you wake up feeling sad, the day that you wake up feeling drawn to the physical and low to the ground, that's the day that davka you got to smile. And you got to overcome it with happiness, overwhelm it with happiness. We have the ability, we control the chemicals in our brain. We can release them. We read last week you need sunglasses because the sun makes you frown when you frown, this was remarkable, science shows that when you frown. the micro muscles in your face when it experiences a frown make you feel sad because it thinks you're frowning because you're sad, so you become sad. So that's why there's a correlation between not wearing sunglasses, looking up at the sun, which causes you to frown, which causes you to make you feel sad. But the opposite's also true. If you turn up the corners of your mouth, the micro muscles in your face think, oh, you're smiling, you must be happy, and it releases the chemicals that make you feel happy. So if you want to feel happy, it turns out you don't have to go to Neiman Marcus. If you want to feel happy, you don't have to go to Nordstrom's. At least go to Nordstrom Rack. Have some rachmanus. It turns out if you want to feel happy, you don't have to drink anything or imbibe or inject, God forbid, anything. It turns out if you want to feel happy, you just have to smile. There are chemicals that can make you happy, but they're not outside your body, they're inside it. And if you smile, you'll feel happy. And if you focus on God and you say, I'm not walking on four legs today, I'm not going to be drawn down to the earth, to the yesod afar, to the nefesh in me, to the animal in me. I'm going to stand up tall. I'm standing up tall, I'm standing up on two legs, and I'm reaching for the heavens, I'm reaching for the stars, I'm letting go, I'm letting God, I'm inviting Him into my life, I'm submitting, I'm surrendering to Him, He is in charge and He is in control, and therefore I'm going to smile. I'm going to smile. And when I smile, I will have that positive result of smiling. I'll have that positive result of smiling. We have that power, we have that control, it's in ourselves. Don't relinquish it. Don't let go of it. Don't let anyone else control our emotions. We can't control the people around us, but we can control how they make us feel. We can't control them. We wish we could. We can't. We can't. We could try to inspire them, we could try to positively influence them, we could try to be good role models for them, but as hard as we try, we can't control them. But we can control how they make us feel. We can control how we react. We can control what happens with the rest of our day. We can control do we respond? Do we have to match their decibel level? Do we have to match their hostility? Do we have to match their obnoxiousness or pushing buttons? Do we have to match their envy or their arrogance or their ego? We don't have to match. We can't control the people, but we control how we react. We can control how we respond and we can control how they make us feel. Do we have to walk away feeling down or bad about ourselves or feeling hopeless or powerless? No. We don't have to. We can control. Put a smile. Put a smile and we'll feel happy, we'll feel confident, we'll feel powerful, we'll feel in control, and then we'll feel we don't need to be in control because He is. We do the best we can and then we let Him take care of the rest and we take it from there. We're going to stop here, we pick up next Wednesday online, please note the link, you can watch live on YouTube or listen later. Tonight we're going Behind the Bima with Elisheva Liss, who is a fantastic marriage and family therapist, author, lecturer, she's really great. Yocheved is the guest host with me. So we're going to have a great conversation with her about what to look for in shidduchim and the love languages and key ingredients of a healthy marriage, how to be somebody that others can disagree with, all kinds, how to teach modesty and tzniut to our daughters and sons. So looking forward to an interesting conversation Behind the Bima tonight. Until next time, stay happy, stay healthy, and stay holy.
