Transcript
Good morning Boker Tov welcome back to Living with Emunah. I want to thank our generous sponsors, the series for the year, Doctors Zvi and Bella Morgan in memory of the great Rabbi Dr. Brian Gabin Zichrono Livracha, Dr. Ellen Schanz, Ellen's mother, as well as big thank you to them. This morning's Shiur is also sponsored by Aviva and David Jannis in honor of their daughter Meirav Jannis having completed the Emunah Shiur series and spent the last 231 days listening to a Shiur every day. Wow! Wow! You get more than a sponsorship. I don't know what award Meirav Jannis we've got to send her something. That's amazing. 231 days in a row of having to listen to my voice. That's a lot of sleep. No? And by Dana Golani in commemoration of her husband's Yahrtzeit Baruch ben Eliezer Brad Golani, we knew Brad well, so the Neshama should have an Aliyah. And also dedicate this morning to the Yahrtzeit tomorrow night of my grandmother Ruth Abov, ינטא רחל בת שמואל, my beloved Bubby, my grandmother after whom my daughter Racheli is named. Her Neshama should have an Aliyah as well. We miss her. Also want to dedicate our learning which we are doing right now to a new campaign if you've not yet joined. You could take out your phone and do it right now, whether you're live or whether listening later, BIRASonline.org/1and1. Esty Moscowitz's daughter of our beloved Rabbi and Rebbetzin Moscowitz, young girl's very much in need of our Tefillos, so we are Davening and doing everything that we can in her merit. So we launched a campaign one and one: a dollar a day of Tzedakah and a minute a day of learning. The minute a day of learning you join a WhatsApp group where a sixty-second Dvar Torah is posted. All of us have a dollar a day to give and all of us have 60 seconds, a minute a day to give. And if we all do that one and one in her merit, please God we can make a big difference for her and all those who are ill. So one and one campaign, a dollar a day, a minute a day of learning. Many have already joined but we need more. Go to BIRASonline.org/the number one AND 1. BIRASonline.org/1and1. You can join both of these efforts. We are not recipients of the money. Goes to an amazing program Daily Giving, a beautiful, beautiful program of giving out Tzedakah. Okay, we are in B'Yam Darechecha, Rabbi Yitzchak Meir, Itche Meir Morgenstern B'Yam Darechecha. We have been learning about Simcha and the themes that we've been speaking about are a little bit repetitive. There are those feedback I get some emails they say, "Rabbi, I really enjoy the Emunah Shiur even though basically you say the same thing every week," which is the message is coming across. I got it. Loud and clear. I got it. Loud and clear. It's okay. It's okay. But the themes of Emunah, Bitachon, and Dveikus, number one they are repetitive redundant themes. Number two, when you get it down and you're perfect, then don't bother listening. Until then, until then, every one of us need... You know what else is repetitive and redundant? Shemoneh Esrei, Shema, every year you hear Parshas Bechukosai and you hear the Megillah. There's a lot of repetitive redundant things try to drill it home until it gets into our thick skull. We keep coming back and we keep listening. But anyway, I don't take it personally at all. So not at all. So we've been learning about Simcha, about joy, about happiness and the secrets to happiness. Happiness is attaching ourselves and connecting with the source of wholeness, completeness. The source of unhappiness, the source of sadness, the source of feeling down—we're not talking clinically, we're not talking that needs an intervention, that needs a therapy, that needs medicine, that is significant, one needs to go to a doctor, the Emunah Shiur is not a treatment for clinical depression, we say that all the time. But we mean the general sadness that could overcome a person. Person feels down, a person feels sad, a person feels out of it. Where does that come from? It comes from feeling incomplete. It comes from feeling there's more we want, it comes from feeling we are a failure, it comes from feeling there's something we don't have, it comes from feeling that we have not met our goals. And therefore, by definition we all wake up we are incomplete. There are always things we don't have and we're not capable of being in control of. So how do we find Simcha in a world in which we are by definition incomplete? By attaching ourselves to the one who is complete. And the only Shaleim in this world is the Ribono Shel Olam, is Hashem, is the creator. He created, He is in charge of all, He is the source of all, He is holy, He is complete, He is infallible, He is omnipotent, He is infinite. And the more we connect and attach ourselves to Him we ride His coat-tails, then the more complete we feel. He completes us. He complements us. He enables us to feel whole and to feel complete. So we've been discussing the kryptonite. What are the things that bring us down? What are the things that make us struggle? What are the impediments and obstacles to living with that Simcha? Because again, to repeat, Simcha is the driver and the source of all success in life. Your marriage, your Shalom Bayis, your parenting, your raising children who are healthy and functional and well and ambitious and driven and Jewishly proud, career... Professionally, avodas Hashem in davening, health and wellness and eating and exercise, every single area of our life, the biggest driver that will determine success is our attitude. Are we happy? Are we joyful? Do we have a simchas hachayim? Simchas hachayim. Again, among the list of shidduch questions I'm never asked, I'm asked a lot that I'd rather not be asked, but among the ones I'm never asked, does he or she have simchas hachayim? They say what medicine is in their medicine cabinet, whatever other kinds of absurd questions, but do they have a simchas hachayim? Are they joyful? Are they generally a happy person? They don't ask that. I'm still, one day I'm going to put out my list of questions that should be asked. Working backwards. After years of doing marriage counseling, always referring to a actual therapist, but complementing it with some counseling and chizuk, the things that marriages fall apart over are never the things that get asked in the shidduch question inquisition. The things that marriages do fall apart over are often never asked. Are they a mevater? Is this an individual who always needs it to go their way or are they able to be flexible, are they a mevater, are they able to compromise, are they able to make someone else happy? Do they have a simchas hachayim? Are they generally happy? Do they have a good attitude, a good demeanor, a good disposition? Do they smile? Are they positive? Do they have a positive outlook on life? Those are the, these are the top questions, because that's what marriage will be made of. Not what did the mother-in-law wear when she takes the garbage out, or is there a plastic over the tablecloth, or I'm exaggerating, these are some of the extreme questions, but that's not, will not determine the happiness in marriage. Are you a koach, mevater, vatranus? Are you somebody who can forgo, are you someone who's flexible, are you somebody who's easy? Do you have a happiness, a joy for life, a simchas hachayim, right? These are the things that will determine the happiness and the success of marriage, but they also determine the success of everything. Simcha, simchas hachayim, a joy for life, a general positivity. There are people who are miserable and angry and upset and sad and depressed and jealous. That's all before they woke up in the morning. Before they opened their eyes they already have all those feelings. That is the default of their day. It's a bad day. Why? I'll find out, I don't know yet, but it's a bad day. How do you know? Because it always is and it will be, and this'll be another bad day, and I'll have another reason to feel I'm a victim and I'm a martyr and the world is mistreating me and I'm miserable and I'm difficult and nobody wants to be around me. Why, what happened? Nothing yet, but the day just started. Give it some time. Give it some time. So that person pushes away success in every area. What kind of marriage? What kind of children? What kind of career? What kind of friendships? What kind of davening? What kind of health and wellness? Simchas hachayim. That's why we're learning about this because that's what Rav Itzchak Meyer has told us, uv'yom darchacha, רב יצחק מאיר אלתר, Gerrer Rebbe, what Rav Itzchak Meyer has taught us is that the driver, the foundation underneath every form of success in every area and arena of life is this. Are we happy? Are we happy? Are we happy? It's a big, big question. Are you happy? Are you happy? Now you'll say, I would be happy if I had her husband I'd be happy. If I had his money I'd be happy. If I had those children I'd be happy. If I had those looks or that athletic ability or that artistic ability or that charisma. If I had that house, if I had that car, if I had that health I'd be happy. But how could I be happy? So the answer is that happiness is not an emotion, it's a decision. When we focus on what we have, not what's missing. When we focus on what's there, not what we're waiting for. Happiness is a choice that we make. It is a decision in the way we start our day. So what are the impediments and obstacles? Again, all this is redundant, save your emails, we're just repeating, but we need to, it needs to seep in, it needs to seep in. So one of the biggest obstacles we spent a lot of time on until now, we'll pick it up from here, one of the biggest obstacles is that we don't find success. The yetzer hara gets us. The moment we're determined and we say I'm going to work on this, and then we don't meet our goal and we don't complete our ambition, then the yetzer hara says, you see you're a failure, you see you're a nothing, you see, last week, I don't know why, remember I said, you say I want to lose 20 pounds, you only lost 17, so what does the yetzer hara do? It says you might as well have the potato chips because you're a loser, you didn't lose 20 pounds. When really what you should say to yourself is, I'm going to celebrate every pound I lost. 17 pounds? That's 17 celebrations. Not with cake, but that's 17 celebrations. Every pound I lost, that's a simcha. Every pound I lost, oh, what a simcha. Mazel tov. But the yetzer hara says, not the 17 you lost, the three you came up short. So you might as well quit, you might as well stop. Then I got an email from someone who says, are you looking at my scale? How did you know? Someone says they're trying to lose 20 pounds, they were at 17 that day, 20 was where those numbers came from. Amazing. Everything is from Hashem. So the yetzer hara works with that a big impediment. So we talked about last week having to celebrate small successes. Each pound you lose, feel pride and joy and that will propel us forward rather than feel I'm a failure and then we fall off the wagon. Celebrate the small successes. So then I got an email from one of our listeners that I want to share with you. I was listening to Emunah Shiur Having Dreams but Making Them Realistic and Doable. Our dear friends and neighbors, Rob and Sue Koltai, are commemorating the yahrtzeit today of their beautiful son Azi, who died in Meron. Last week was the first yahrtzeit of the 45 victims of the tragedy, tragedy in Meron. I sat with Sue that fateful Friday when people were still looking for her son. The realization was setting in that things did not look good. At some point she commented, I commented that she was very composed. She said, "We're doing everything we can, the rest is up to Hashem." During Shiva, Sue told endless beautiful stories about Azi's amazing middos, his diligence in Torah study, his natural inclination to do the right thing. She encouraged people to take on something small, not just for Azi's neshama, for all the 45 and for Am Yisrael. We can't let this be another tragedy and move on. If everyone who comes to this house this week and everyone who comes to every one of the 45 houses takes on one very small thing to improve, imagine what change we can make. We can bring the Geula. They made this their mission. They actually started a website and they coined the phrase Micro Mitzva. That's the website micromitzva.org. Micro Mitzvos are small things you commit to working on. They spent the last year trying to spread the message. You can read all about it on their site: Azi Foundation or micromitzva.org to spread the message. Thanks again for the constant inspiration and the emunah therapy. So important. I appreciate the boost. So Micro Mitzvos, and if you go to that website you will see: first of all, there is a tracker of how many people have reported their Micro Mitzvos. 134 communities in 7 countries. 15,437 people have reported the Micro Mitzva that they took on. So first of all, how inspiring, how extraordinary, how remarkable that parents who suffered a horrific and terrible and tragic loss of a young child, abruptly, unexpectedly, tragically, who simply went to climb the mountain of Shimon Bar Yochai and never came home, they channeled that pain into promoting mitzvos. But the whole thesis is Micro Mitzvos. Don't say I'm never speaking lashon hara again. Don't say I'm finishing all of Shas tomorrow. Don't say I'll never ever come late to shul again, I'll never not pay attention in the entire Shmoneh Esrei. Micro Mitzva. A Micro Mitzva. Micro Mitzva. That's caffeinate with kavana. Micro Mitzva. Micro Mitzva, right? First Bracha of the day. Not a hundred Brachos of the day, not even ten Brachos of the day. First Bracha of the day. Micro Mitzva. It's very, very beautiful. You can register, you can go on, you can be inspired. But it's exactly... I'm grateful for this email. It is exactly what we're talking about. Celebrate the small success. Don't bite off more than you can chew. Micro Mitzvos. Little micro successes, micro actions, micro celebrations, micro moments, because all of that will bring a simchas hachayim. All of that brings on a joy and a zest for life and propels us to want to achieve more and more and more success. We're on page kuf nun vav, 156, continuing along this theme, the impediments or the obstacles, the things that rob us of our happiness and of our joy. Again, this one is a feeling of failure. I lost 17 pounds, not 20. That's amazing you lost 17 pounds. You know, I learned all of this, I didn't get to the end, but I almost... that's amazing. That's amazing. I had kavana for one Bracha of Shmoneh Esrei, not the other 18. Okay, that's great. Build on it. Rotate which Bracha. לפעמים היצר הרע מכניס לאדם מחשבה של עצבות על מה שהיה בעבר ומעורר לו תחושת הפסד Everyone see where we are? Everyone agree this is what we're up to? I think this is what we're up to. I thought we were... where do you think we are? Oh, you're right. kuf nun chet, turn the page. nun vav, correct. נראה לו שאינו מצליח כלל יכנס לביטול So what's the answer? When you feel like you're a failure. I'll put it even further. What happens when you are a failure? What happens when you fail miserably? When you flop? When you fall flat on your face? And every other word that starts with the letter F. What happens when you fail, when you flop? What happens? How can you not feel? How can you feel simchas hachayim? Where's the positivity? Where's the focus? Where's the micro success? Where's the joy? You said you were going to lose weight, and you're heavier than you were. Said you were going to exercise, and you haven't moved an iota. Said you were going to learn, and you fell off the wagon. What happened? You were going to count the days, how many days in a row you could go without complaining, and the answer was negative one. How many days in a row you could go without getting angry, losing your cool. responding with anger? The answer was negative five. You're a failure, you flop. What do you do? הנה לפעמים היצר הרע שאדם מצליח לשמוח בקצת הוא מכניסו לתחושה שאינו מצליח כלל. Yetzer hara is on to us and it senses, oh, they went to the Emunah shiur. They're celebrating the micro successes, the micro mitzvahs. So Yetzer hara comes in and says, micro? Ah, gornisht, round down. Your little micro is a nothing, is a gornisht. You lost 0.0001 ounce. It's nothing. You're nothing, it's nothing, you're a failure. You always set out with these big dreams, you always make these proclamations, you always have these big decisions of what you're going to do, and you know what you are? A complete failure. ונדמה לו כאילו אינו מתקדם בכלל. And you feel like in life, I'm stuck, I'm stagnant, I haven't made any progress, I haven't advanced at all. I'm just the same person, the same year, the same life over and over again. We spoke last week about Rav Yaakov Kamenetsky, the tzitzis, the yeled tov at three, at thirteen, at the chuppah. We just can't advance. העצה היא להיכנס לאהבה יראה ודבקות. The answer is we gotta change our frame of mind, you gotta change your attitude. You know what Einstein's definition of insanity is? Doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result. Einstein's definition of insanity: it is insane when you do the same thing over and over but you expect a different result. It is insane. So you interact with that person who always elicits certain feelings from you, and instead of deciding and determining, you know what, I can't control them but I can control how they make me feel. So I'm going into that Shabbos or that Yom Tov, that meeting or that conversation with that person or with those people, I am determined to deal with it differently. I can't control them, I can control how they make me feel, because instead if every time I go and I expect them to be people who they're not, that's the definition of insanity. It's insanity. If I try that diet or that exercise regimen and I haven't changed anything and every time I fail, then it's the definition of insanity. So what's the eitzah? What's the advice? How do we overcome and break out of that cycle of insanity? How do we change things up in our attitude, in our perspective, in our approach, so we can finally achieve our goals and we can live with a simchas hachaim and we can measure and see and chart the progress that we're making? The answer is ahavah, yirah, u-dveikus. Loving Hashem, feeling an awe, a presence of Hashem, and dveikus attaching and clinging to Hashem. What does Hashem have to do with my scale? What does Hashem have to do with my anger, my rage? What does Hashem have to do with my Peloton, which is a great place to hang clothing? What does Hashem have to do with it? What do you mean if I love Hashem, what does He have to do with it? כי כשיש לאדם יראה ואהבה ודבקות להשם יתברך אזי לא יהיה לו עצבות וחלישות הדעת מכלום. Because when you really attach yourself and you feel the presence of Hashem in your life, when you love Him and when you feel awe of Him, that this whole world is Him, and when you cling and attach ourselves to Him, our fate is connected to Him, we glue ourselves to Him, then we realize there's no room for sadness, there's no room for ye'ush, for hopelessness or despondency, or chalishus hadaas. Chalishus hadaas literally means a weakening of the mind. Don't give up. Don't despair. Don't become hopeless. Don't feel helpless. But realize He's there. He's the greatest trainer, He's the greatest nutritionist, He's the greatest coach, He's the greatest manager. And so as long as we attach ourselves to Him, we have a tomorrow, we have hope, we have promise, our best is yet to come. ובכל פעם שיהודי רואה שיש לו חלישות הדעת וצער ידע שהוא צריך להיכנס ביתר שאת לאהבה ויראה ודבקות להשם יתברך עד שלא יפריע לו שום חוסר הצלחה. The antidote and the answer when you say I'm done, I'm done with the dieting, I'm done with the gym, I'm done with the working on my rage or my jealousy or my complaining. The answer is you're not done, you gotta listen to the Emunah shiur 231 days in a row. You gotta listen to, you gotta read, you gotta learn, you gotta listen, you gotta live with emunah and dveikus. Why? Why is that the antidote? Why does that help? וביותר עומק ייכנס תמיד לביטול. The reason that that helps is the following: if a person really lives with a consciousness and a mindfulness that the world doesn't begin and end with me, that I'm not the be-all and end-all, that the world doesn't not revolve around me, then neither am I in control of everything that I can take pride, nor am I responsible everything that I can take blame, nor should I be jealous or envious of what others have, because everything is for a reason and he's in control. Bittul. What is the word bittul? We discussed this at length, we've studied this in the past. Bittul means to submit and surrender. Surrender. There's a reason that in recovery in the 12-step program, one of the steps is to submit to a higher power. Surrender, let go, let God. Every one of us is in the program, just many of us don't know it. Every one of us has an addiction, just some of them society puts a stigma on, and others are sold in bulk at Costco. I'm saying, if you can't help but go to Town Center Mall, you're addicted to shopping, it's an addiction. If you don't have boundaries between work and life and you're working beyond those boundaries, you're addicted to work. I'll tell you a secret, you can even be, this may not be the worst addiction, but you could be addicted to exercise. Everything is subject to being an addiction. When you act compulsively, when you're drawn compulsively to do something that goes against what you claim you want to or believe you should be doing, that's the definition of an addiction. So some society puts a stigma on, but we're all struggling. And what's the answer, what's the way out for all of us? Some by the way are addicted to rage, to outrage. It's a whole separate topic, I'm going to write an article about it one day. Ours is a generation of outrage. We are addicted to outrage. Everyone's competing who could be more outraged, who could have more outrage over everything going on in the world. Some things what happened yesterday in Texas deserves our outrage. Whatever side you're on, whatever little letter's next to your name and how you vote, but there are common sense things that we can all agree have to be done. There are things worthy of our outrage, but we can't be addicted to outrage. Outrage can't be how you wake up in the morning. I'm outraged about what? I don't know yet, I'm going to find out, turn on my email, I'm going to turn on the TV, I'm going to follow what's going on, I'm going to find what I should be outraged about today. Everything is an addiction. Whatever addiction, people are addicted to complaining, addicted to jealousy, addicted to sadness, they're addicted to beating themselves up. So what's the answer to all of them? Bittul, bittul long before there were 12 steps, long before there were meetings, there was Torah. And Torah told us long ago that the answer, the secret in life is to submit and to surrender, to say Hashem, you are the higher power. I submit and I surrender to you. I'm going to work and toil as if it's all up to me, but in the end of the day I submit and surrender knowing it's all up to you. When I work, I do it like it's all up to me, but at the end I let go and I let God, not like but because it is all up to you. לשמוח במה שהשם יתברך מנהיגו. Hashem, I'm the passenger, you're the driver. I drive all day long, I think I'm in charge, I'm in control, I work, I advance, I take initiative, but at the end of the day I realize that, you know, I'm just holding the pretend wheel. You know, you're the, you're the one with the real wheel. Yeah, I think I'm turning this wheel all day long, my wheel's pretend, it's not actually attached to anything. I have to work on my wheel for things to come, but if I really look under the hood, my wheel is not even connected to anything. It's your wheel that's really driving us where we're going. You're in charge, you're in control, I submit, I surrender. ואז אפילו לא נתקיימו שאיפותיו. Now this is big, listen carefully. So you know what that means? Then you're able to say, I didn't fulfill my goal, I didn't reach my resolution, I didn't accomplish what I set out to do, what I promised, what I declared, what I stated would be done. So do I beat myself up, am I a gornisht and a nothing? Am I an ausvarf and a failure? Do I enter a state of sadness and depression? Do I not bother trying anymore because I'm so incapable and pathetic? That's not what a Yid believes. You know what we believe? Hashem, I'm going to sit and study, I'm going to understand where I went wrong, but you know what? I wasn't meant to succeed. Because you're in charge and you're in control. And if I was, I would have, and if I didn't, it's because it wasn't meant to be. So I am submitting and I am surrendering to you. Help me understand why. Why did you, why was it not meant to be this time and what am I meant to do now? To not become debilitated and paralyzed and depressed and sad and robbed and depleted of our Simchas Hachayim because we hit a road block, because we hit a wall. But instead when we hit that wall to say, Hashem put this wall in my path. Bittul, Tzar, Bilam's donkey, the angel, we all see the commentaries there say, we're not up to that parsha yet. But Bilam's donkey stops. Because Hashem sometimes puts an angel in our path and says: this isn't the direction you're meant to go. We don't necessarily understand why, but that's how we're meant to interpret all that happens in our lives. Keep fighting, keep trying to make progress. We spoke last Shabbos Sefer Hachinuch that we don't count down towards Har Sinai, we count up. When you count down, you're trying to be done, to be finished, to move on, to find relief. So we don't say 49 days, 48 days, 47 days. All of our kids are now saying that about school. Yes. How many days left to school, we count down. How many days left till our vacation, we count down. How many days left that we're in jail, we count down. Hopefully, we don't know that feeling, but one counts down. And yet Sefiras Haomer we count up. And the reason is because we're moving up, we're going up, moving on up. We are always trying to move on up, we're trying to elevate. That policewoman, her advice, at every crossroads, at every intersection, every time you have a decision to make, choose the path that will lead you higher. Choose the path that will lead you higher. That is our mission. So that's our job, but what happens when it doesn't work? What happens when we hit that wall? That's where bittul comes in. If you don't believe in God and all you believe in, the only altar you worship at is yourself, so then when you fail, you'll feel like a failure. But if you believe in God, if you practice Ahava Yira and Dveikus, if you say Hashem I love you and I know you love me and I'm in awe of you because you fill the whole universe you're in charge you're in control and there is nothing but you and I feel dveikus I cling I attach myself to you that my whole destiny is intertwined with you. If I live with Ahava and Yira and Dveikus, then even when I fail I say this too is meant to be from you. I don't feel like a failure, I had a failure, and now I need to figure out what's next. If there's no God, you could feel like a failure. But if you believe that everything is by design, it's what's meant to be, then you never feel like a failure, you just know that you failed. And just like a success is from Hashem, thank you for it, so too the failure is from Hashem, it's what's meant to be. והרבה עובדי השם חושבים עצמם אם עבודתם קשורה אם לאו אם מצליחים או לא אם עולים או לא ועל ידי זה שולט עליהם עצבות. Many people mistakenly think that it's actually a religious activity to sit and evaluate, and when we find we failed to then be sad and beat ourselves up. They think that that's actually righteousness and virtue and that's religiously superior is to say: what's wrong? What happened? Why you so sad today? I didn't have kavana for Shmona Esrei. That's not religion, that's not virtuous, it's not what Hashem wants. For someone to see you and say: why are you so sad today? Because I missed the Daf Yomi. Because I skipped out on the Living with Emuna shiur. I'm a failure, I'm a nothing, I couldn't organize my day, I couldn't get it together, I didn't make it. I'm a failure because I only watched online and didn't get it together to come in person. So I'm a failure. You are a failure. But I'm a failure. I'm a failure. That's not what Hashem wants. Hashem wants to say: you know what? I failed. He's not to blame, I'm to blame. I need to learn from it, but this is His world. If I failed, it's not by accident. I am submitting to you, I'm going to learn from it, and I'm going to figure out what's next. What's next? A Jew lives with what's next. Gotta get back to our notebooks, we gotta print them already. We were designing them. Turn the page. A Jew turns the page. Those notebooks, the top, Living with Emuna, turn the page. Turn the page. Okay good, yesterday was a fail. Good. I have a page for it. I don't pretend it didn't happen. It's a page in my notebook. And today's page is going to include an aspiration how to learn from yesterday's failure so it doesn't happen again. But I have to be able to turn the page. What am I going to walk around like a sad miserable verbissener because I failed yesterday? Turn the page. It's a new day, Simchas Hachayim. Where's your joy for life? Where's your bittul? Where's submitting and surrendering to Hashem that for whatever reason that was meant to be? Sad, it hurts, I'm disappointed, what's next? What's next? What's in store for me today? What do I need to accomplish today? How do I get to the end of today? What's on my list today? And whatever I'm doing today, I do with a Simchas Hachayim. I do with a joy for life and with a happiness because I know one thing: if you approach the new day filled with opportunity, pregnant with possibility, and if you approach it with sadness and hopelessness and victimhood then you are creating a self-fulfilling... It's such a good feeling to know you're alive. Mr. Rogers. Channel your inner Mr. Rogers. You don't have to wear the sweater vest or whatever, you don't have to wear the cardigan, but channel your inner Mr. Rogers. It's a good feeling to know you're alive. Wake up with it. So harbei ovdei Hashem, many ovdei Hashem, Rav Itche Meyer here is describing many people who spend all their time dedicated to Hashem. Somebody who learned Orchos Tzaddikim and Shaarei Teshuva and Mesillas Yesharim and mussar and mussar and mussar and mussar, and they think that you know what mussar means? You walk around like this: oy, I'm a failure, I'm a nothing, I'm a nobody, I'm a gornisht. They think that's what mussar is. Meanwhile Rav Wolbe, who was the great mashgiach of the last generation, who was the ambassador of the mussar movement of the last generation—his grandson lives in our community, and Yitzy Wolbe told me that his grandfather was the happiest person he ever knew. That Rav Wolbe had a smile and a joy and a zest for life. And the Shabbos table was filled, not with complicated divrei Torah and not with competing to quote sources, it was filled with zmiros and stories and jokes. That Rav Wolbe had a simchas hachayim and a joy and a positive spirit. Simchas hachayim. To be a real eved Hashem, to be a real student of mussar is not to walk around: oy, I'm a nothing, I'm a nobody, I'm so sad, I'm such a failure, I'm nothing. It's to walk around: I succeeded. I did a micro-mitzvah. And even when I didn't, guess what? That was yesterday, or that was a moment ago. You're also allowed to turn the page in the middle of the day. It doesn't have to be only a new day. You could even turn the page at the end of the day. You could turn the page whenever we want and become determined. Simchas hachayim. ועל ידי זה שולט עליהם עצבות שהרי סוף סוף על פי האמת בעבודת השם יתברך כל אחד ניצב עדיין רחוק. Meaning if we look and evaluate where we really are, every one of us has a reason to be sad. Every one of us has a reason to be sad. It happens to be very hard to have kavana for a hundred brachos a day. Happens to be very hard to have kavana for ten brachos a day. Happens to be very hard to never get angry or jealous or arrogant. Happens to be very hard to never lose your cool or raise your voice or complain. We're all imperfect. That's the way God made us. So if we're always focused on our imperfection and our failure, we're going to kill every day. אבל כאשר יהודי זוכה לביטול, when a Jew merits, when a Jew rises to the level, when a Jew practices bitul, when we submit and when we surrender and when we say Hashem, I'm going to work and I'm going to try and I'm going to take responsibility and accountability, but in the end of the day You're in charge, You're in control, You're the one who determines the way it's meant to be. ומתחיל להסתכל באור האלוקי and therefore you see the light of Hashem shining in everything. You see the presence of Hashem not only in every success, there is a presence of Hashem in every failure. ולהתבונן בגדולת המלך השם יתברך, oh Hashem, You're so big, You're so great, You're so broad, You're so ever-present. שאדם הוא כלי לגילוי אורו ביותר שאת ולזה הוא כוסף. I'm Your vessel. I am a vessel to reveal Your light. So I try. Sometimes I reveal Your light through success, and sometimes Your light shines even in the failure. And I turn the page and what do I learn from it? How am I not brought down by it? And maybe that's my nisayon, my tests and challenges today. We all have nisyonos, we have tests and challenges. We have who we're meant to be that day—chovas ha'adam be'olamo. What is my mission, what is my mandate, who am I meant to be? And maybe today is to not be brought down by that failure, to not become debilitated or paralyzed, to not give up hope, to not become helpless. אין שום יאוש בעולם כלל. Reb Nachman would scream out, there is no yeush in this world, you can't give up. ein yeush klal. Don't become hopeless, don't despair, don't focus on your failure, don't give up. Why not? And how not? Only by attaching to Hashem. Only by attaching to Hashem. When you believe the world is filled with randomness and chance, when it's meaningless and has no purpose, when there is no afterlife and there is no future, when you're just a victim of statistics and data and randomness, that's a pretty depressing thought. I agree, there's a lot of reasons to be sad and depressed and hopeless. But if you submit and surrender and you believe there's a cause, there's a source, there's a Hashem in charge and control, He also, by the way, happens to be our Father and He loves us, and He feels affection towards us, and He wants only the best for us. So then you could live your life and say that even my failure is a step towards success, to learn from it and to have that positive attitude towards it. Who is it? Edison who designed the light bulb? Yes. I must have told you this quote before. I'm just a recycling machine. There is no environmentalist greater than me. So Edison when asked, how did it feel? He tried hundreds of times before he broke through and invented the light bulb. And they asked him, how did it feel to fail so many times? He said, fail? I never failed once. I succeeded. It was a process that had hundreds of steps to it. I never failed once. That's the book Fail Forward. You could fail backwards or you could fail forwards. It's our decision. You fail backwards, it becomes sad and hopeless. If you fail forwards, then it becomes a stepping stone for growth and progress and towards joy and simcha. I failed! Awesome, I can't wait to learn from it. I can't wait to improve upon it. I can't wait to go up and higher from here. I can't wait to try to understand why. Let's just finish this section. וממילא אין לו פנאי לעסוק בעצמו אם הכל אצלו כשורה ברוחניות וגשמיות כי באור הביטול אין נפקא מינא אם אדם גדול או קטן אם הולך משא על עבודתו או לא. In other words, if you practice bitul, if you properly nullify yourself to him, then you never feel like either a success or a failure. You just do your job and the outcome is up to him. Every day you do your best. Not every day's best will look the same. Some day our best could have been better. But we learn. אלא כל יצרו וראשו ורובו מונחים להביט באור פני המלך חיים וראשו עסוק להרגיש מציאות השם יתברך ולהתענג עליו ולגלותו בעולם לפי איך שהשם יתברך רוצה. We are the vessel, the prism through which Hashem shines in this world. We are to bring his light to this world and we do it in the way that he wants. Sometimes it's a bright, clear, beautiful day and the sunlight is refracted with no obstacle. And other times it's cloudy and it's overcast and it's miserable. There's cities and states and countries where it's like that most of the year. And Hakadosh Baruch Hu is choosing to have it be blocked. And the same is true with us as his vessel. ואף שבוודאי צריך לשאוף ולהתייגע מאוד, we have to work and we have to try and we have to have ambition and we have to have drive. וגם לעסוק בחשבון הנפש בזמנים מסוימים ביום, and we also have to evaluate, you can't live carefree, says Rabbi Itche Meir. Well, if it's all from Hashem and everything is by design, then I'm never going to think about what went right and what went wrong, I'm never going to evaluate or reflect or introspect, I'm just going to grip it and rip it in life. That's also wrong. חייבים שיהיו לו ביטול לפני ואחרי, you need bitul before and after, עד שברוב הזמן יהא אדם עסוק באורה אלוקית בכל עת ככתוב ישמח ישראל בעושיו בני ציון יגילו במלכם ובזה לא ייפול. The way to prevent ever falling, the way to prevent ever falling to a place of sadness, we're not talking about the grief of loss. God forbid if a person's house burns down, they lose a loved one, of course that warrants sadness and grief and mourning. Of course. Nobody says the ovel should have a simchas hachayim. We've spoken about that many times too. But we're talking about generally in life, what is the default? What is the disposition? Who are we? How do we wake up in the morning? That simchas hachayim. Micro-mitzvahs, micro-successes. Join us tonight at 9 p.m., we're going behind the bimah with Rabbi Marc Wildes, the founder of Manhattan Jewish Experience, MJE, state of outreach in America today. Do we have a future? Is it, do we have hope? It's at 9 p.m. tonight. Until next time, with great simchas hachayim, with great joy for life, stay happy, stay healthy, and stay holy.
