Transcript
Good morning and welcome back to Living with Emuna, our weekly gathering, our weekly group, our weekly study in order to reinforce what we already know or should know, that we are not here randomly in this world, but that there is a Creator, there is an omnipotent being, there's something much bigger and greater than ourselves, that we have a Father in heaven, Avinu Shebashamayim, who loves us, who created us, who put air in our lungs and brought us back to life each and every day. We're here for a mission, we're here for a purpose, we're here for a charge, we're here for a reason, and that He is right by our side as we go through life with whatever it has to offer. I want to thank our generous series sponsors for the year, Doctors Avi and Bella Morgan, in memory of Rabbi Dr. Brian Gabbat, in memory of Dr. Alan Chanzer, Bella's mother. Thank you so much for your generosity and for your sponsorship. If you'd like to sponsor a future shiur, please email me, lee@brsonline.org. We have begun this new section of B'yam Darkecha. We're still learning רב איצ'ה מאיר מורגנשטרן, but we're learning a beautiful section on mahus habittul, the concept of bittul. He's introduced to us the idea that if we want to really be alive, if we want to really be able to experience life, it's not about ourselves, it's not about our ego, it's not about our happiness, but rather it's about being mevatel ourselves. It's about submission, it's about surrender, it's about the recognition that ein od milvado, there is no one and nothing in the world but God. That doesn't mean that we should sacrifice our lives, it doesn't mean we should be unhappy, it doesn't mean we should forfeit pleasure. Hashem wants us to experience and have all of that, but do we have it for ourselves or do we have it within a context? Is it informed? Are we of service to Him? Bittul is why about our ego, our sense of self, our honor, our pleasure, our needs, or the Almighty, the Ribono Shel Olam? Is it the recognition, is it the admission, is it the submission to the fact that there is a Creator, that He loves us, that in truth there is nothing else in this world but Him? We last left off and we were talking about the notion of bittul, the idea, the concept that we can recognize something or someone else as so all-encompassing, as taking up all of the space in the room, in our life, that there is no sense of I, that we can experience something with such immersion that we can be so present that we don't feel or sense our own independence at that moment. And רב איצ'ה מאיר מורגנשטרן gave us several several examples. He spoke about first of all sometimes you're with an adam gadol, sometimes you're with a great man, a great woman, a great person, and you're so concerned with soaking up every word they say, every word they teach, with watching every way that they are a role model or wanting to learn and emulate from them, that in that moment there is no us, all we are is in the presence of that greatness, of that great person. L'havdil, l'havdil, l'havdil, he had several other examples. A person's watching a sporting event, a person is being entertained by something which is kosher that they're allowed to be watching or reading or listening to. A person can be so involved, so engaged in it that someone's calling your name, someone's standing right next to you and you don't hear. There's nothing else in the world but that thing that you are immersed in, entertained by, or vicariously living through. So involved, so invested in it that they can't even hear, can't even pay attention, aren't even aware of anything else going on in this world. We've had that experience. What is that experience? That something else is so encompassing, so overwhelming that it fills up our entire life, that in that moment there is no sense of I, in that moment there is no ego, in that moment I don't even hear someone calling my name. And we can live that level with the Ribono Shel Olam, that Hashem, that the Almighty is such a monumental presence, He is everything, ein od milvado, there's nothing but Him. So when I'm with Him, when I'm thinking about Him, when I'm feeling His presence, there is no I. There is no competition, there is no tension between what I want and what He wants, between His vision and my vision, but rather I totally submit and I totally surrender and I'm entirely, entirely with Him. U'keshe'adam b'matzav kaze we're in footnote, we're at the end of footnote ayin aleph on page nun if you're following along inside the wonderful sefer B'yam Darkecha רב איצ'ה מאיר מורגנשטרן. And he says the following: וכשאדם במצב כזה הוא אינו יכול לשמוע על ביטול כי הוא מרגיש שהוא צריך לבטל עצמיותו וזה לא ייתכן. Sometimes a person is so consumed with their sense of self, sometimes a person is so worried about their own self-preservation, about their own happiness, about their own needs, they can't even hear about a concept of bittul. Nullification, surrender, submission? I don't need it, I don't want it, I'm all on my own. In fact, I just wrote an article which im yirtzeh Hashem I'll publish this week. I went earlier this week to an AA meeting. I had the privilege of being present when somebody, a young woman, was receiving her two-year medallion of sobriety, and there are open meetings where people are invited from the outside to come to celebrate, to watch, to experience that AA meeting. And the AA meeting was as it's always been, I've been to several awardings of medallions and celebrants have invited me. It's an honor and a privilege. And I've always walked away enormously inspired. Listening to a room full of people raw and real and struggling and trying to grow and overcome whatever is their kryptonite, their addiction, whatever is their challenge. And if we're honest every one of us have our addictions, every one of us have our kryptonite, every one of us have our voice of self-sabotage and our bad judgment. Some addictions have stigmas and others don't, and that room is full of those who are actually heroically confronting whatever is their struggle and it's a privilege to be in their presence and every time I learn from them. So this particular meeting, different meetings focus on different steps in the 12 steps or on different aspects of recovery, and this meeting was dealing with the third of the 12 steps. And the third of the 12 steps is exactly what we're learning, is bittel. The third of the 12 steps is submission, is surrender. The step reads: made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God. A decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God. Notice it doesn't say turning it over to God, but over to the care of God, to a higher power. That's the core central to recovery, whether it's in the 12-step program or in life, formally or informally. Central and core is the recognition: I'm not independent, I can't do it alone, I don't have the strength, I don't have the resilience, I don't have the capacity. But I have a father, I have a father who loves me, and I have a father who's all-powerful, and I have a father who's all-capable. I have a father who knows me, who programmed me, who's with me, who feels my pain and who experiences my pleasure. I have a father who's rooting for me and cheering me on and wants my success. I have a father who's by my side. And when I recognize that, when I speak to him, when I feel him, when I surrender and submit at the core of recovery in life and in recovery program 12 steps is submission, surrender, is bittel, is exactly this concept of bittel. That's the mishna in Pirkei Avos asei retzoncha kirtzono that a person should try to, we should surrender and submit our desires, our needs, our wants, and blend them into his, prioritize his, to recognize he's in charge, he's in control, not us. We have a pasuk in Tehillim Nun Hei that says that we should cast upon Hashem our burden and he will sustain us. Put it on him and he will sustain us. Be mevattel ourselves to him. So there was a young man who's only been in recovery for one month. He's been in and out, up and down, but he hit a rock bottom and he's been recovery clean for one month. And he shared in the sharing part of this AA meeting, I'm writing about this in the article, and he said the following: he said he always grew up in a family that pushed independence: be independent. Be a star athlete, be a star student, be a star finance wizard, be a star, provide for yourself, protect yourself, take care of yourself, be independent. And what he took from that is he lived this atheistic or agnostic life in which he came to the conclusion that religion, God, faith is for the weak, it's for the dependent, it's for people who need that crutch, it's for people who need to lean on that figment of imagination. But he thought himself, I'm strong, I'm proud, I'm independent, I'm capable. I don't need religion, I don't need God, I don't need prayer. That's for the weak. And he said religious people are stupid, they're foolish, they're weak. And then he kept falling, he kept falling to his addiction and he hit a rock bottom that he realized that in fact, he realized he came to the conclusion that in fact, religion is not for the weak, it's for the strong. Believing in God is not a sign of weakness, it's a sign of strength. And when he said that I remembered an amazing story, a mashal of a father who's walking with his young son, young daughter, they come across an enormous log blocking the path. And the child turns to the father and says, Dad, do you think I can move this? And he said, if you use all your strength, I think you can. So the young boy or the young girl, depending on the version, leans down and tries to move this enormous and this heavy log, and can't do it. It's too heavy, it's too big. So looks up to the father and says, I can't do it. He said, if you use all your strength, you can. So they bend down, they lean down, they try to move it again. Too heavy, won't budge, won't move. Dad, I thought you said I can move it. Try one more time. If you use all your strength. So they muster all their strength and they bend their knees and they put their back into it and it still won't budge. So Dad, you lied to me. You said if I use all my strength, you thought I could move it. So the father said, you didn't use all your strength. You didn't ask me for help. Asking Hashem for help, asking a father for assistance, for help, for insight, for guidance, for wisdom, for strength, for resiliency, that's using strength. It's a sign of strength, not a sign of weakness. Bittel is a sign of strength. It's the recognition: I don't need to be at the center of the universe. I don't need the world to revolve around me. I don't need life to be about my ego. I'm willing to submit, I'm willing to surrender, I'm willing to be mevattel. Vatal, I'm willing to nullify myself to the Almighty, to my Father. He is after all omnipotent, all-powerful. So my greatest strength is not pretending I'm independent. My greatest strength is not subscribing to the illusion that I could do it myself. My greatest strength is leaning on the source of all strength, is reaching out to my Father in heaven. And this individual described that only when he did that, when he realized that believing in God and prayer and having faith over fear is not a sign of weakness but a sign of strength, that's his path to recovery. That's the road to recovery. He's clean, he's sober, and at least for the short term he's on the road to living his happiest life, his holiest life. Yet he describes he prays several times a day. You got to talk to God. What are you grateful for? What do you need His help with? Help me be honest today. Help me work hard today. Help me overcome my urge and instinct today. And for the rest of the experience of this AA meeting and the lessons I took, you'll have to check out the article about it. But it was very powerful to be in a room of people. They weren't using the language of bittul, but the third step is bittul, submission, surrender. The third step is a decision to turn our will over and our lives over to the care of God. So are you willing to, are we willing, do we take that step in our lives, whether we're in recovery or not, are we willing to take that step to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God, to be mevatel, to not think we're in charge, we're in control, we're responsible, we're to blame exclusively? We have to do our part, we have to take our initiative. Of course we are accountable for our bechira, for our free will, but ultimately the results, ultimately the reality, we have to be willing to be mevatel. We have to be willing to submit. So there are times, Rav Itchamayer described, הוא אינו יכול לשמוע על ביטול. This young man, whether it's because of his upbringing, how he was conditioned, the messages that were communicated to him, whether it was his own meshugas, he was unable to lishmoa. He couldn't listen. There are times of our lives, there are periods in our lives, there are moments in our lives we can't hear about submission, surrender. It feels weak and we don't realize that in fact it's strong. אבל בעזרת השם אחר עבודה זיכוך יכול כל יהודי להגיע למדרגת הביטול שהיא המדרגה הטבעית והנכונה של הנשמה. The soul inside us longs for us to be mevatel. The only way to access the soul, the soul is covered by layers of ego and arrogance. The soul is covered by layers of anxiety, of worry, of envy. And the way to reveal the soul so the soul has oxygen to breathe, so the soul can express itself in this world, is to peel back those layers through bittul. The more we see God, feel God, surrender, submit to God, the more we accept, we recognize, we don't panic, we don't get anxious, we don't get worried, we realize He has a plan. Everything is coordinated, everything is choreographed. He has a plan for us and we roll with those punches. We do our best, we take our initiative, we do everything that is within our power, but once we have, we let go and we let God. We recognize with submission, surrender, with bittul, it is up to Him. דרך הנכונה של הנשמה. The soul, the neshama longs, the neshama wants to give a hug to the tati. The neshama wants to feel the hug from the father. The neshama wants to be mevatel and say Dad, you're in charge. I'm sticking with you, I'm clinging with you. What child doesn't love to get into that car and Dad is driving the long drive to Orlando to the amusement park? And the kid can go on their device, and the kid can take care of whatever they need, and the kid says just get me there. And you hold the tickets, and you get us through TSA, and you get us to the next ride, and you get us, and you know what, I mevatel myself to you Dad, Mom, I mevatel to you myself, my parent. You're in charge, I'm clinging with you, I'm sticking with you, and I trust you. I put my faith in you, because I know you want me to be happy, I know you want me to be healthy, I know you want me to be secure, I know you want the best for me. So our neshama feels that way with Hashem. Hashem, take me along for the ride. Hashem, I put my trust, my faith in you. I'm clinging to you, I'm sticking with you, I believe in you. ובוא האדם מרגיש רק את השם יתברך את עצמיותו הוא מרגיש בכך שהוא כלי המגלה את אורו יתברך ובכך שהוא נדבק בו ונכלל בו כביכול כי זו היא המציאות האמיתית של הנבראים. To really have been created, to really be alive, is to be mevatel ourselves to Hashem. You see, the moment that we think that we are independent of God, that I'm alive without God, that I make decisions without God, and that I can impact my destiny without God, then I'm dead while I'm alive, because I'm a fool. I'm living a fool's life. But the moment I'm mevatel, I submit, I surrender, the moment I say I have to do my part, we are partners and I have to take my initiative and I have to do what's up to me, but ultimately I'm just a manifestation, expression of You. That You are inside me, the tzelem Elokim, the godly spirit, the godly soul, the uniqueness of me is really You. Then when I release and I let go to You, I'm really going deeper inside me. I am not forfeiting myself, I'm not surrendering myself, I'm surrendering to myself, I'm surrendering to the God inside me. Zu hi... m'tzius ha'amitis. This is the truest existence. I am most alive, and I am most existing, and I am most consistent with my mission, not when I think that I exist without You, but when I look for the You in me. When I let go and I surrender the me to the You inside of me. To the You inside of me. ואלו המציאות עצמו כדבר נפרד אינו תופס מקום בעיניו. To think that I'm independent, that I'm separate, that I'm apart from You, Hashem, that, you know, You're in shul, You're in the beis medrash, You're inside the siddur, the sefarim, You're in the Yamim Noraim, You're in the Chevra Kadisha or the chesed, You're in the tzedaka. But outside of that, at the gym, in the kitchen, on vacation, at work, there's me. Me. There's what I want and what I need and my happiness and my priorities. There's me. I visit You, God. I pay attention. I visit You. I visit You every day. I go to shul in the morning and the evening, I go to classes and shiurim. I visit You occasionally throughout the day, but in between visits, I have a life without You. Don't be so dependent, God. I have a life without You. So when a person thinks they have a life without God, and they think they're living an existence without God, then they cease to exist altogether. But when a person realizes my entire existence is dependent on God, it's dependent on God. I could disappear. There are people who have horrific diagnoses, horrific accidents. Did anyone see Meron coming? Did anyone see the bleachers of Karlin Stolen coming? Did anyone see Corona, COVID coming? Did anyone see...? Our existence is never independent. We don't take a break from Hashem. But wherever and whenever throughout our day and throughout our lives, we utterly depend and exist only because of His graciousness, His generosity, and because of His goodness. כי זה באמת לא דבר אמיתי אלא זה דמיון שנובע מהלכלוך של הקליפות. To think that we have an independent existence from God—I visit You, God, I talk to You, God, on occasion, but in between I'm on my own—it's dimyon, it's an imagination, it's a fantasy. It's a false fantasy, and it's a corrupting imagination, and it comes from lichluch haklipos. It comes from the contamination and being soiled and the dirt of the klipos, it's the yetzer hara. It's the things we're reading or watching or living that are ingraining within us the wrong values and the wrong hashkafa, the wrong philosophy and the wrong outlook, שמיצרם את הנבראים כדבר נפרד לגמרי. It's trying to paint a picture of us as something that's separate, something apart altogether. But that's counterfeit, it's corrupt, it's wrong, it's absolutely wrong. So he writes back upstairs: ומכוח זה הוא מכיר ויודע שמי שעושה הכל זה רק השם יתברך. So through bittel, through being so immersed, so connected with Hashem, just like lehavdil one is in a sporting event or a book that they're reading, a magazine they're immersed in, they don't notice anyone or anything around them because they're paying such close attention, they're so lost in whatever it is they're doing, we can become so lost in Hashem, so lost in His presence, so lost in His love, so lost in His support, so lost in His very existence that we don't even feel ourselves, we don't feel any existence independent of Him. ואלו הנברא הוא רק כלי לגלות את אורו יתברך בעולם. The nivra, the fact that we are created, we are just a vessel, we are a vehicle, we are an instrument to reveal His light to the world. He shines through us. We are the prism, we are the vessel through which He illuminates the world. והוא כמו שליח שהוא ידו הארוכה של המשלח. And God is the... God is the messenger, God is sending out the messenger. We're the shliach, we're simply the agent, we are simply the steward, we are the long hand of God. We are the long hand of God. So back downstairs to the footnote ayin-beis, Rav Itche Meyer continues: והנה הביטול אינו רק כלפי האדם עצמו אלא גם כלפי כל הבריאה ואנשים שבה. The idea that I submit and surrender to God is not just my personal conversation with Him in my siddur or in my Tehillim or in my life. It's not just klapei Shamaya, it's not just an attitude, it's not just a posture I take vis-a-vis or towards God. אלא גם כלפי כל בריאה. But this is my attitude to all of creation and to all people, שלא ירגיש שיש לה מציאות עצמית. So when I sit in that board meeting and someone's not behaving the way I want them to, when somebody in the community, a friend, a congregant, a colleague, does something hurtful or painful or doesn't behave or respond the way I hope or wish, I need to recognize and realize with a sense of bittel, I don't exist independent of God, they don't exist independent of God. Yes, if somebody bangs my car, yes, if somebody fails to pay back a loan, there's beis din, there's recourse, there are things that I can do to hold them accountable for their bechira, for the choices they've made. But ultimately, the way I should process it, the way I should receive it is with the recognition that everything is from Hashem. My car was meant to be banged up and dinged, the loan or that loss of money, I was meant to be experiencing. experienced. We've all invested with people where they lost our money, not intentionally, not with corruption, not with embezzlement or a Ponzi scheme, but it was a bad investment. So on the one hand, if somebody in fact acted illegally, immorally, we should hold them accountable, we should try to recover what's coming to us. But all along, we should never emotionally get invested, all along, we should never emotionally become too disturbed because we have to realize that no matter what decisions the other party made, if Hashem didn't want us to lose that money, we would not have lost that money. We wouldn't have made the investment, that investment wouldn't have gone sour, we would have made up the money elsewhere. Everything with bittel. If we're willing to let go, if we're willing to make the decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God, then we don't ever get bent out of shape, angry, resentful, envious, vengeful, then we realize it's all from him. So it's not just that when I'm in shul or davening or doing a religious activity, I should think or say to myself bittel, I am submitting and I'm surrendering to you God. It's not just then, but it's klapei Shmaya, it's my posture to the entire world. It's my attitude to everything. ירא רק יד השם יתברך שבכל דבר. I see everyone as an extension of God, everyone is a unique expression and manifestation of God. Harbei shluchim l'Makom Chazal say, our rabbis teach us that there are many, many, many agents and messengers of God. The animal world, the animal kingdom, the plant kingdom, the natural order, human beings, we are all messengers and agents of Hashem. ואיך שכולם הם רק כלים שלו יתברך להנהיג בהם את עולמו. We are just agents and messengers, harbei shluchim, we are all shlichim of Hashem. So when a person acts towards me, whether it's for the good, for my benefit, for my pleasure, or whether it's in a way which is painful, then I should do what I need to do to hold them accountable from a legal sense, from a halachic moral sense, but emotionally, spiritually, I need to work on myself to realize that they are just the agent of Hashem. If Hashem didn't want my car to get banged up or the loan to not be repaid or for that email to have been sent that embarrassed or shamed or hurt me, then it wouldn't have happened. So what does He want me to learn? What does He want me to grow? How does He want me to surrender to Him? וממילא לא יפחד משום אדם ודבר בעולם. You walk through life with no fear. Now I'm not telling you to go through a dangerous neighborhood, you know, flaunting your jewelry and inviting harm. I'm not telling us well Hashem must want antisemitism, these antisemites are agents of God, let's lay down and sit down and just accept it. No, we have to speak truth to power, we have to confront antisemites, we have to hold them accountable because that's what Hashem wants us to do. He wants us as His agents to take on and tackle, not literally, but the growth, the spurt of antisemitism. That's what He wants us to do. However, but we need to recognize that whatever we go through in life, whatever happens was not random, it's for a purpose and that other person or that thing could not have happened without His will. ולא יכעס על אף אחד שציערו. Don't be nervous, don't be anxious, don't be worried, don't be neurotic and and don't be angry. Don't ever lose ourselves. You have to hold someone accountable, you have to hold them accountable. If somebody dinged your car and gave their insurance, you exchange insurance information, it was an honest-to-goodness accident. It was a genuine mistake. It was a mistake that couldn't have been avoided. You exchange insurance, you collect what's due to you, but you never get angry. You might become best friends with the person you met who by accident bumped the back of your car. So similarly in life, the attitude we have to have is that we exchange insurance so to speak, we collect what's coming to us, but never by forfeiting our emotion, our happiness. Never get angry, never get envious, never get vengeful. ולא תהיה לו שום עגמת נפש מדבר שנעשה או לא נעשה כרצונו כי יודע ומרגיש שהכל עשה השם יתברך בעצמו וכל מעשיו לטובה גמורה. And don't beat ourselves up too much. Forget beating up others, forget taking revenge against others, forget forget getting angry at others, forget getting jealous of others, but we can't beat ourselves up too much because we have to recognize that everything is from Hashem. וממה ירגש שאין לו רצונות משלו אלא מה שהשם יתברך עושה זה טוב לו. And even within our own behavior and our own conduct, even in our own lives, yes, yes, we should hold ourselves accountable for our mistakes and our judgment, for our behavior. We should demand the best of ourselves, the most of ourselves, absolutely. But we shouldn't beat ourselves up. We shouldn't debilitate ourselves. We shouldn't knock ourselves back down by not believing we're capable of more. We have to recognize that even if we've made a mistake and even if we've come up short, that's all part of Hashem's masterpiece. As we reflect back and look on our lives, everything that happened was necessary or wouldn't have brought us to this moment. Should I look back with regret? Should I live with a ton of regret? Can't live with regret. You cannot change the past. It was the way it was, it was the way it was meant to be. All we can change is how the past informs the present. What do I learn from it? How do I grow from it? What do I want to do differently because of it? I cannot go back in time and I cannot beat myself up too much. All that will do is forfeit my present, all that will do is compromise my future. The past is the past and we have to see the past in the context of the way Hashem wanted that past to be for us. Instead we embrace and we live the present most fully in order to inspire and inform a most blessed, a most meaningful future. Join us tonight 9:00 PM Behind the Bima with Dr. Leah Goldin, Hadar Goldin's mother, Hashem yikom damo, taken by Hamas, murdered and taken captive during the ceasefire of Operation Protective Edge. For the last seven years she and her family have been trying to get him back. Hear her story tonight Behind the Bima 9:00 PM. 9:00 PM you can go to behindthebima.com in order to watch it live. Until next time, have a phenomenal day. Stay happy, stay healthy, stay holy.
