Transcript
Good morning. Welcome back to Living with Emunah. Hope everyone had a beautiful and a wonderful and an uplifting and an inspiring and an enriching Shavuos. Great to be back together again, taking the experience of revelation at Sinai that we had the last two days and carrying it forward to live with Emunah each and every day. I want to thank our generous sponsors the Living with Emunah series for the year. Dr. Avi and Bella Morgan in memory of Rabbi Dr. Brian Galbut and in memory of Bella's mother Dr. Ellen Chanzer. Thank you so much for your generosity. It's truly greatly appreciated. If you'd like to sponsor a particular shiur of Living with Emunah or any of our other shiurim, you can email Lee at BRSonline.org. L-E-E at BRSonline.org. Okay, I want to continue with something new. We were learning in Bayom Darecha of Itche Meyer Morgenstern. We were learning his chapters on dveykus, on clinging to Hashem, on feeling His presence in our life, attaching ourselves to Him, realizing He's always involved, He's always invested, He's always watching, which is both a source of support and also a source of accountability in our life. I want to move over, really backwards in the sefer to an earlier chapter that he has on the concept of mahus habitul, the notion of bitul, the notion of trying to nullify our sense of self, trying to think of ourselves less, not think less of ourselves but think of ourselves less. Bitul is to nullify the ego. You know, ego, it has been said that ego is an acronym for edging God out. The more that we express, the more that we emphasize our ego, the more that we satisfy and we pursue our ego, the more we feed and nourish our ego, we edge God out. There isn't enough room both for us and the Ribbono Shel Olam, for us and the Almighty. Are we serving Him? Are we expecting Him to serve us? Are we meeting His needs or are we demanding that He meet ours? Are we interpreting the world according to His infinite omnipotent view or are we asking Him to conform with our finite limited view of the world? Ego, when our ego gets in the way, we edge God out. Ego leads to arrogance and envy and anxiety. Ego leads to all these terrible qualities, whereas a life of Emunah, a life of faith, a life of belief in God leads to calm and tranquility, satisfaction, it leads to a life of happiness. And so Rav Itche Meyer introduces us to the concept, the importance, the emphasis on bitul, on that quality, on that capacity. That doesn't mean to erase or neglect who we are, what we're meant to do in this world. A person has to live and say Bishvili Nivra Haolam. The entire world was created just for me. It would have been worthwhile for the Almighty to have created this entire world and everything in it just for me, for my purpose, for my mission, for why I am here. So a person shouldn't think of themselves, think less of themselves as if they're insignificant or inconsequential or they don't make a difference. Chas ve'shalom, God forbid. The Kedushas Levi of Levi Yitzchak of Berditchev says this was mistake, this was the failure of Noach. Noach was mikatnei emunah. He didn't ascend, he didn't go into the Teiva, mikatnei emunah Rashi says. He was small of faith, which some interpret to mean he waited for it to rain. He didn't believe God. When God said He was bringing a mabul, a flood, he didn't get into the Teiva just on the instructions of God. He waited to actually see the rain because he had a failure, a crisis of faith. But Kedushas Levi of Levi Yitzchak of Berditchev says no. Katnei emunah means Noach didn't believe in his ability to transform the world. Noach thought, who am I? What difference do I make? Do I really matter? Would the world notice if I weren't here? What is my capacity? What is my capability? What difference can I really make in the world? Katnei emunah. Not he lacked emunah in God, he lacked emunah in himself. The Pri Tzaddik, Rav Tzadok HaKohen of Lublin says that a Jew is obligated to have two emunah, a dual emunah, a dual faith in life. We have to have faith in God, but because each of us is an expression of God, we also have to have faith in ourselves. God has faith in us. Rabbah emunasecha. God, your faith in me is great. How do I know that? Because I woke up this morning. So the notion of bitul, the idea of trying to nullify our ego is not about seeing ourselves as insignificant or inconsequential. That's a mistake, it's a malady, that is an illness, that is a violation of our very purpose of having been created. We have to have emunah. God believes in us, we should believe in ourselves. God understands the impact we could have, we have to recognize the difference that we could make. We cannot follow the footsteps of Noach of being katnei emunah, of being small or diminished or compromised in our faith, in our emunah, in ourselves. We have to know who we are and what we're capable of, our mission and of the difference that we can make. But that is not in contradiction to bittel. The idea of bittel is to be aware of our ego and to try to break our ego, to try to squash or quell our ego, and to not allow our ego to drive us, to not allow our ego to influence our decision-making, to not allow our ego to overcome, to not allow most importantly our ego to edge God out. Because a person who's driven by their ego, person who flies off the handle, gets angry because other people don't act the way they want, person who's arrogant and thinks that they're all that, person who's envious who thinks why do you have what you have, I deserve it, I deserve more. All such people, all such people have edged God out and lead unhappy lives, lead unhappy lives. Those are the three things the Mishna in Pirkei Avos tell us מוציאין את האדם מן העולם. These three things remove a person from the world. What are they? Kinah, taiva, and kovod: envy and following one's lust and desires indiscriminately and the pursuit of honor. All of them at their root is ego. So a person who lives life listening to their ego, following their ego, concerned with satisfying their ego, מוציאין את האדם מן העולם. It removes a person from the world. It absolutely violates the very reason that we are here. So we should believe in ourselves because there's a tzelem Elokim, there's a godly soul, God is in us, there's a piece of God manifest in us. So we should believe in ourselves because we believe in God. We should believe in our capability and capacity, we should believe in the difference that we can make. But at the same time bittel, nullifying the ego and making sure that we are not driven by our ego, they're not a contradiction but rather they work together very, very beautifully. Tonight Behind the Bima, we have the great privilege, we're going to be hosting, we're going to be interviewing Rabbi Grossman. Rabbi Grossman's known as the disco rabbi because this Chasidishe Yid from Meah Shearim in his youth went to Migdal HaEmek, an entirely secular city, and didn't compromise his Chasidish garb, Chasidishe ways, and transformed the city. Today he's the chief rabbi and he built Migdal Ohr, this network of of homes and organization for young people. He has 22,000 graduates and another 10 or 12,000 who are there right now, and he's a living legend. He's an absolute extraordinary person. Rabbi Yitzchak David Grossman, the disco rabbi. So tonight you'll hear him on Behind the Bima 9:00 PM. We'll interview him and we'll ask, how did this young Chasidishe Jew from Meah Shearim who didn't even know that there were Jews outside of Meah Shearim, how did he have the confidence and how did he have the drive and the vision to go transform a city and to go transform the lives of 30,000 young people? Where did that come from in him? Who were his sources of inspiration? How did he get it done and how did he do it? But it starts with his believing in himself. If a person says it's someone else's problem, let someone else take care of it, let someone else solve it, I'm not smart enough, I'm not charismatic enough, I'm not creative enough, I'm not a good enough orator, I can't get it done, then a person could be violating the very reason that they're here. Every one of us is here for a reason, for a mission. To believe in God is to believe that God is in us and to believe in ourselves. So bittel, the quality we're going to study right now in Rabbi Itamar Morgenstern in B'Yam Derechecha, this quality of bittel is not in contradiction to the belief in ourselves and in our capacity, but rather it's trying to have a little less ego. We're living in a world where our egos are inflated. We struggle every day, struggle every day. Social media tries to convince us: post more about yourself, post more pictures of yourself. You want to be an influencer? To be an influencer, you want people to see what you're wearing and how you do your hair and where you go and what you're doing, what your dessert looks like, and what's happening in your life. Share, share, share, put a spotlight on yourself more, more, and more. And social media is the platform that promotes and encourages that. Not only that platform, WhatsApp, all the platforms, technology as a whole. And we have to be much more judicious and much more careful, scrutinizing, to be connectors not promoters. How can we use these gifts of technology to uplift, to inspire, but not in a way that's feeding our ego? Can we be mevatel ourselves and yet teach? I struggle with this all the time as a public personality and trying to teach and write and post inspirational thoughts. You have to ask yourself, you have to have good people around you who keep you in check, whether you want it or not, to make sure that what you're doing is to advance God's cause and His brand and not your own. That's bittel. How do you practice bittel in the age of technology? It's a complicated thing. We'll speak about it as we learn this chapter. So we're on page mem-ches, page 48 in B'Yam Derechecha in Rabbi Itamar Morgenstern's wonderful, wonderful book. And he has an introduction to bittel and he talks about its importance. רבים עובדי השם יתברך ועמלי תורתו באמת, many of those who serve God faithfully and who toil in His Torah genuinely, margishim we feel, שאף על פי שהם משתדלים באמת, even though we're trying very hard. I learn the Daf Yomi and Mishnah Berurah yomi and the Nach yomi, and I come to shul and I make minyan, and many people daven at home and men who aren't able to make shul they daven at home and they say Tehillim and they volunteer for chessed and they're doing Chevra Kadisha and acting with tznius. We're doing everything. Check, check, check, check, check down the whole list, all the building blocks about what it means to be an Eved Hashem. We're trying really, really hard. ואין להם הצלחה כמו שציפו, but nevertheless, not feeling it the way we hoped, the way we dreamt, the way we aspired. I want to be on fire! I want to be feeling it in my kishkas, in my bones. I want to be elevated and spiritual and we're doing all the right things, and yet sometimes it doesn't seem to be adding up or resulting in living the right life, in feeling the way that we want or dream to feel. יש המרגישים שאינם מצליחים להיפטר מהמידות הרעות. Some say, I'm doing all the right things. I daven Tehillim, chessed, tzedakah, I'm doing all the right things and yet I'm still struggling. I'm struggling not to get angry, I'm struggling not to feel envious, I'm struggling not to be arrogant, I'm struggling not to look at the wrong things or say the wrong things or listen to the wrong things. ויש המרגישים שאין תפילתם מתקבלת לרצון. And some say, I'm doing all the right things. I learn the emunah shiur, I subscribe to the emunah emails and Whatsapps. I'm doing all the right things and yet I'm not connecting with my davening. I'm still struggling to feel present, to be moved by the words, to feel that I'm heard. ויש המרגישים שאינם מצליחים לצאת מהתאוות כראוי. And others are struggling with desire, with lust. We're driven to eat in an unhealthy way, and to look at images we shouldn't look at, and to share gossip we shouldn't share, and to want to have more money. We're driven by chemdas mammon, more and more and more material things. כך שיש הרבה יהודים שמחפשים את השלמות בעבודת השם יתברך. There are many Jews who are looking to feel whole, to feel complete, who are looking to make progress, to grow in the service of Hashem. ורואים שהיא רחוקה מהם, but it feels so far away. Even though we're doing all the right things, it still feels so elusive and so far away, and struggling to connect, to connect. והם מרגישים שאינם מצליחים להשיג את קרבת השם יתברך כמו שרצו. I don't feel that He's accessible and that He's present. I listen to the shiur and I want to feel, every time I'm about to lose my cool or get angry or anxious, I want to feel He's right there, His arms are around me, He's making me calm. And yet I forget almost every time. ויש להם תחושה כללית שמשהו חסר בעבודה. And there are many people who feel, I'm going through all the motions. I live as an observant Jew, I check all the right boxes, and something fundamental is missing. Something is missing. It's like everything is right there, but the battery is missing or the power is out. ותחושה נכונה משהו חסר. And says Reb Itche Meyer, that instinct, that intuition is correct. You're right, something's missing. כי כאשר אדם עובד זמן רב כראוי הוא מגיע למדרגה שדורשים ממנו לעלות למדרגת הביטול, because once you're living an observant life, once you know the motions of what to do and you know the dream of where you want to be and how to do it, what's missing is bitul. עבודה מתוך התבטלות לשם יתברך, to consciously and mindfully try to grow and to progress in the area of bitul. How can I have less ego? Bitul is all about ego. It's all about ego. הביטול הוא דבר כל כך שרשי ויסודי. Bitul is so fundamental, it's such a core, it's the root of growth. עד שניתן לומר שאף על פי שהשאיפות טובות, even if a person's dreams and ambitions, their aims and aspirations are good, veha'emtzaim yekarim meod, and we're very driven to do it and the means to do it, מכל מקום מי שעדיין לא קנה את הביטול, but if we've not acquired this attribute, if we don't have a working understanding, if we don't have a goal for ourselves of how to work on our ego, אזי מבחינה מסוימת הוא עדיין לא התחיל לדרוך על מפתן העבודה הפנימית. The truth is we're not at all working on the inner essence, we're not at all making a real and legitimate move. We're not making real progress if we don't also work on bitul, on ego, being aware of our ego. Why do I want to do this? And why do I want people to see me doing this? And why am I posting this? And why do I want to play that role? Is it ego, or is it genuine? Is it ego, or is it for Hashem? ואינו עובד באופן הנכון ולכן אינו מצליח. So if we're doing all the right things externally, but internally at the center of that circle that רב איצ'ה מאיר בלטמן in Kerem B'Yavne used to say, sometimes we have this circle, I've shared this before, and on the outside of the circle, all the points on the outside of the circle are all the right things: learning, davening, chessed, tzedakah, I'm doing everything right. So how could it be, doing everything right and yet feel so empty? Doing everything right and yet the result feels so wrong? Doing everything right and yet not feeling connected, uplifted, enriched, not having that high, not feeling that geshmak, not being on fire, not feeling the... calm and the love that we want from Hashem. How could it be? On the outside of my circle every point is correct: Daf Yomi, chesed, Chevra Kadisha, tzedakah, middos tovos, zmiros, Shabbos. I'm doing all the right things. So Rav Nachman used to say, probably still says, the question is what's at the center of the circle? All the spokes on the wheel, all the points on the circle, are they pointing towards the center of the circle? What's at the center of the circle? Is it God or is it you? Are we doing all those right things because they will bring us closer to him, because we're making him the center of the circle of our life, or are we doing all the right things that are ostensibly about God because we're serving ourselves? We want to feel good. We want the honor and glory. We want to feel enriched. What's at the center of the circle? Us, our ego, or him? That's the gut check. That's the question we have to ask. So whether the points on the circle all add up to the result we're looking for is determined not by the points on the outside of the circle, but what's at the center of the circle? What's at the core of the circle? What is, what are those points of the circle all pointing towards, what are we trying to achieve? הביטו דבר יסודי כשהשם יתברך רוצה מבני עליה עבודה מנקודת מוצא שונה. God wants, if you're bnei aliya. Many people aren't tuning in Wednesday mornings Living with Emunah or whenever you listen later. Many people are living life, going through the motions, focused more on work, material things, binge watching, whatever else other their ambitions and aspirations in life. But those who are together, we're a chabura, we're a chevra, we're a group, we're a community, we're a family, we're bnei aliya. We're striving and we're struggling and we want more for ourselves and those around us. We want to live on a higher plane, we want to live a transcendent life. So we need to work on our ego. עבודה משורש שונה עבודה שבאה ממקור טהור לגמרי ונעשית אך ורק מתוך ביטול להשם יתברך ולא מתוך הרגשת עצמיות, atzmius. It cannot come from a feeling, it cannot come from the ego, it cannot come from the sense of self. We just read on Shavuos, Kabbalas HaTorah, we received the Torah. We didn't celebrate that we received the Torah 3,300 years ago. It's not that we were nostalgically commemorative of a moment of history, that's not the Jewish notion of time. The Jewish notion of time is that we had a Kabbalas HaTorah today. We received today. It's brand new each and every day. Shavuos, it's not that we commemorated, Shavuos we lived and relived receiving the Torah. So when God gave us the Torah he began Anochi Hashem Elokecha. I am the Lord your God who took you out of Eretz Mitzrayim. The very first word Anochi, Anochi. Saadia Gaon says that all of mitzvos, all taryag, all 613 are encapsulated in these ten, the Aseres Hadibros. And all ten can be summarized or encapsulated in the first one, Anochi Hashem Elokecha. And the entire Anochi is encapsulated in the first word. So the whole Torah is consolidated into the Ten Commandments. The Ten Commandments can be consolidated into the first commandment, and the entire first commandment can be captured and consolidated into that opening word Anochi. Anochi means I. I. The only Anochi in our lives should be God. The only thing that truly exists is God. The rest of us are figments of his imagination, so to say. The rest of us are extensions of him. Ein od milvado, all there really is is God. Anochi. So we have lives as an expression of God in this world, and we have capacity, capability, we can make a difference, we believe in him and we have to believe in ourselves, but ultimately all that exists is his Anochi. Now, there's a competition, there's a tension between his Anochi and our Anochi. His Anochi is Anochi Hashem Elokecha, he's the Lord our God who took us out of Egypt, and our Anochi is our ego. What do I want, what do I need, what are my priorities, how am I ego-driven is our ego. But it says in the Torah, אנוכי עומד בין השם וביניכם. Moshe Rabbeinu tells us Anochi, and the ba'alei mussar, the ba'alei chasidus explain אנוכי עומד בין השם וביניכם. If you want to know what is the barrier to connecting to God, what is the barrier to living with faith, what is the barrier to feeling his presence, what sits between us and God is Anochi. אנוכי עומד בין השם וביניכם. Our ego, our sense of self, our arrogance, our ego. Our ego is edging God out. Everyone knows I love the recovery program, the 12 steps, there's brilliance in it, not just for addicts. Every one of us is addicted to different things, and if we were humble and modest but like people in recovery, we would recognize how much we could benefit from it. And that ego edging God out comes from that recovery world, and so much is submitting to a higher power, and so much of the effort and the exercise and the work of those in recovery, which all of us should be in recovery each and every day, trying to recover, trying to overcome, trying to be better. Our ego leads us to lash out, our ego leads us to be envious, our ego leads us to get angry, our ego leads us to add friction to relationships that sometimes make them non-recoverable. It's ego. אנכי עומד בין השם וביניכם. What sits between us and God is ego. And if we'd have less ego, if we check our ego at the door, if we would think not think less of ourselves but think of ourselves less, then there'd be more room for Hashem. There'd be more room for a life of faith. And that life of faith, as we talked about over and over and over again, that life of faith leads us with calm and tranquility and surrender, with hope and with happiness. וכל זמן שאדם לא קנה בנפשו את הביטול לשם יתברך לא שייך שיבוא לשלמותו ויקנה קנייני אמת בעבודת השם יתברך. And as long as a person has not acquired for themselves how to in fact work on their ego, if the ego is flaming and flaring, if the ego is on fire, then there's no room not only for Hashem, there's no room for others. We all know that. We all know, we all know people in our lives who have big egos and they think they have relationships but they don't. They don't. The people around them have a very superficial relationship with them because they're concerned, they're worried, they're navigating the other party's ego. So the person who lives with an inflated ego, inflated sense of self, that's all that matters, that's all they pursue, that's all they care about, others recoil from them or others aren't real with them. And that person is living in illusion. It's so sad, it's so sad to see. And God forbid maybe we're that person. Maybe we're that person who is living in illusion and we don't really realize what people think of us. We have to work on our ego. We have to be learn to be mevatel ourselves, to be mevatel, bitul, to cancel, to nullify, to overcome the ego in our relationship with God and in our relationship with others. וזוהי הסיבה לכל פח הנפש הפוגם אזירת השם היראה ומשלימם כי השם יתברך לא רצה שנפסיד את העיקר ולכן הוא מסובב לאדם סיבות בהרבה עניינים עד שיגיע לנקודה זו. So much of Torah and Mitzvos, so much of the framework of what we do, how we behave, what we believe is to help us, is to encourage us, is to not feed that ego. וכל מי שזכה להבין את עניין זה, whoever merits to understand and to live this, me'id b'peh malei, they will testify שממש התחילה לחיות חיים חדשים לגמרי כי פה טמון האוצר. A person who lives this, we as a group, we're going to start to work on this for the next few weeks or months. We're going to every week be working on our ego, check our ego. Why did I blow up at my kids? Why did I have a fight with my spouse? Why did I make a mistake at work? Let me check myself, let me evaluate myself. Was it ego? Was it ego? What drove me? Was it sincere? Was it genuine? Or was it ego? To be working on our ego. ומי שזוכה למידה זו and a person who merits and achieves this, you'll have a new life. You'll be an altogether new person. Your relationships will come alive. כל ימיו בשמחה ותענוג, you'll be happy. It's not about your ego. So you didn't get invited, you didn't get put on the mizrach, you didn't get the best seat in the house. So what? They didn't feature you in the magazine, they didn't follow you, they didn't promote... so what? If you have no ego, nothing gets you angry, nothing gets you upset, nothing gets you jealous. ועבודתו נעשית מתוך לב אמת ושלמה. And if we've nullified ourselves, if there is no ego and realize this is what was meant to be, this is from Hashem, this is the way it's supposed to be. הוא תמיד מרגיש שהשם יתברך בדבוק בו ושמח עמו. If there's no ego and you're not edging God out, it means that there's plenty of room for God. There's a lot of room for Him to be present. udavuk bo, for us to cling to Him, vesamei'ach imo and to be happy with Him. וכל חייו משתנים לטובה באופן שהוא ממש חי חיים אחרים לגמרי. And our life is entirely different. We come alive, we're genuinely alive, because even within ourselves we're not struggling with the ego. We're not alive when we are fighting with our alter ego. We have an ego and an alter ego and they're in a battle. But if we can surrender and submit that ego and really live based on... live for other people, then... then we come alive. ולכן חובה עלינו להשקיע כוחות גדולים לזכות לזה ברחמיו יתברך כי הביטול לשם יתברך אינו תוספת מעלה. It's not like, oh it's a nice thing to do bitul, get rid of that ego. It's an additional layer. Do all the right things and then on top of that it's really worthwhile, try to get rid of the ego. No, הוא דבר שכל איכות העבודה בחיים תלויים בו. This is what all the quality of our life depends on. You want to have good relationships? Your spouse, your children, your friends, your coworkers, your neighbors? Then the ego's got to get out of the way. You want a good relationship with the Almighty? Then the ego's got to get out of the way. So that's the end of the introduction, that's what we're going to be working on. We're working on overcoming ego. Is ego driving us? Is it pushing us? Is ego what matters? matters? So are we making poor judgments, are we misguided, is our judgment cloudy because the ego is getting in the way? Or have we learned, have we adopted and adapted to not having to listen to our ego, to not listen. He writes here in the footnote on the introduction. טבע הנברא להיות עוסק בעצמו בכל עת. Now we have to be very very careful because there are people who so have no ego, they think of themselves so little that they let people walk all over them and they're harmed, they're damaged, and they're injured as a result. That's not what God wants of us. Don't sublimate your ego so much that people walk all over you, take advantage of you, exploit you. That's not what God wants for us. So it's only natural that v'chai imach, you know the halacha is that our life comes first. When the oxygen mask falls, you have to put it on yourself before you help others. We have an obligation responsibility. If we were so selfless that we helped others before ourselves, we wouldn't survive. Our first responsibility is to take care of ourself. That's healthy, that's righteous, that's moral, that's the correct thing to do. But there's a difference between our self-preservation, there's a difference between not letting others step all over us which is exactly what God wants, but having an inflated ego and being driven by the ego. וגם אדם במדרגה שעובד השם יתברך לשמה יש לו עדיין נקודה קטנה. Even the person who's serving God faithfully, even the person who's not driven entirely by ego and is really asking themselves lishmah, what does God want? הוא מרגיש את המציאות העצמית שלו ונראה לו שאין איך לבטל אותה. There's still that healthy inner sense of self, the inner sense of self that has satisfaction, that is enriched, that is gratified. Those are good qualities. They encourage us, they give us positive feedback, they make us keep going. אבל באמת יש ליהודי כוח לצאת לגמרי מלהכוון לכבוד עצמו. We have that capacity, we have that ability to escape always thinking about ourselves, to not measure everything against ourselves. ולזכות שלא להרגיש את מציאות עצמו, to not even be thinking about ourselves. ובזה הוא זוכה להרגיש באמת את אור השכינה. The less ourselves, the more room for God. And then we cling to him. velichyot chayei emet and then we come alive. כי הלא השם יתברך רוצה לעשות לנו הכל. God really wants to shower us with everything. ולהשרות שכינתו עליו ואינו מצווה אותנו דברים קשים אין כאן מדוע עדיין לא זכינו. So God really wants us to live a very virtuous life and elevated life. So why does He make this so hard? Why is it so difficult? אלא הכל מחמת שכל העבודה היא בדרך עקומה וחושבים שעיקר לעשות עבודות גדולות ולא שמים לב שעיקר רצון השם יתברך הוא שנשתדל להתבטל לפניו בכל תנועה ותנועה. This is the key ingredient, this is what's missing. We do all the right things on the outside of the circle. We have to get to the right things on the inside of the circle. We have to work on our ego, on checking our ego, evaluating our ego, and making sure that while we're self-preserved and not letting anyone take advantage, that we're also not pursuing with honor and glory, that we're not running after our ego. We have to do the right things and we have to do them for the right reasons, not for the wrong reasons. I want to end up this morning. I love it when you, our holy Emunah family and community, share with me your stories. I always ask you, please email me, let me know how you've been applying the living with Emunah, the lessons we're learning from Rav Itche Meir and others and how that's impacting your life. So someone shared with me, I'm not going to mention their name, the following story. He said before corona I was at the office, I was suffering with workplace anxiety. I got a prescription called into CVS next to my office. My wife has her prescription called into CVS across town, which requires me to drive to get her medication. I always tell her change where her medication is delivered to the pharmacy closer to us, which is walkable. On a rainy night my wife asked me to pick up her medication. I needed to pick it up before the CVS closed at 8 p.m. I get in the car and make my way to the pharmacy across town, not the convenient local one. As I pick up her medication the pharmacist asks me if I want my first dose of the vaccine. This email came many months ago before it was so readily and easily available. They were closing up and if I didn't take it it was going to be thrown out. I had a discussion about passively jumping the line. Although I thought I wasn't eligible, I figured contributing to herd immunity was still a good thing. I wasn't taking the vaccine from anyone, the opposite, it was my civic duty to get it. They had to see if I was in their system and told me if I wasn't, they weren't going to give it to me. After a couple times they couldn't find me but I remembered I got anxiety meds from a CVS, they found me. I got my first and second dose and Boruch Hashem I'm fully vaccinated. So he says the moral of the story is always run errands for your wife and go to the location that she chooses, but the point he has in the story is he was aggravated and frustrated why didn't she call in her prescription to the easier more local one, the one he needed his prescription, but it was because there was a reason, there was a reason. Hashem wanted him on that rainy night going to the other location where they would have been throwing out a vaccine unless they gave it to him, so he was able to chap it. So again, in our life how many times do we lose our cool at someone or in general? What a pain, what a mistake, why do I have to go to the other place? Why can't you ever listen to me? Why didn't you get it right? Why didn't you call it into the one I wanted to go to? Sometimes it becomes obvious, like we then have access to a vaccine. Other times it's a lot less obvious and we may never learn why we needed to be there. But there's Hashem and He has a plan and things work out the way they do because He's in charge and He is in control and everything happens on His timeline, not on our own. B'sha'ah tovah u'mutzlachas I have a daughter whose due date was a couple days ago, but she expected to go early and every day she and we are waiting. And I keep reminding her and myself with great excitement, it's up to Hashem, it's His timeline. And if we have to choose between our timeline or His, are we going to go with our finite, fallible timeline or should we go with His infinite, omnipotent, perfect timeline? Go with His any day of the week. So we have to be patient and persevere and we have to be m'vatel what we want, what's convenient for us, when we're working out based on the way we want our calculation and our calendar. We have to be m'vatel. We have to nullify and instead realize ein od milvado that we serve Him and we operate on His timeline. Please, if you haven't yet, subscribe to our YouTube channel. You'll be notified in real time every time we go live so you can continue to learn with us each and every learning opportunity. Tonight, Behind the Bema 9:00 PM as we've been talking about Rabbi Grossman, the great disco rabbi, you do not want to miss this conversation. He is an extraordinarily inspiring individual. 9:00 PM until next time, stay happy, stay healthy, and stay holy.
