Transcript
Welcome back to Living with *Emuna*, our weekly series in which we get together to remind ourselves what we already know, what we intuit, what we're born with in our *kishkas*, in our gut, that there is a creator, there's a *Borei Olam*, he's involved and invested in our lives, he's not only aware of, but he is connected with all that happens, there is no random, there is no chance, there is no happenstance, but rather it is all of course by design. I want to thank our generous sponsors for the year, Doctors Avi and Bella Morgan, in memory of Rabbi Dr. Brian Galbut and in memory of Bella's mother, Dr. Ellen Schanz, thank you so much for your generosity. This morning's class as well is sponsored in particular by the Agus and Fox families, two very special families I've known for a long time, commemorating the upcoming sixth *yahrtzeit* of Dr. Saul Agus, who was a really extraordinary man, שאול גרשון בן חיים שמואל ואיתא חיה נשמתו שתהא לו עליה, and thank you to our dear friends the Agus and Fox families for learning with us and for sponsoring this morning. If you'd like to sponsor a future episode, please email Lee, L-E-E at BRSonline.org, lee@BRSonline.org. Okay, we continue our study of *deveikus*, how can we connect to and cling to *Hashem*, not only in the happy occasions, not only in the happy moments, but how do we feel his presence, how do we feel connected to him no matter what's going on? Particularly in the moments that we would otherwise panic, in the moments that we would otherwise feel anxious, in the moments that we would otherwise turn inward, be selfish or envious or arrogant. How can we remember specifically then to be *davuk*, to cling, to connect, to glue, to attach ourselves to him and therefore to relieve ourselves of any of that anxiety or worry, to recognize that all that happens is for a reason and that everything's going to be okay. I know none of you slept in the last week, you were all waiting to find out, did my daughter get her negative corona test, she was able to get back on the plane to Israel? And the answer is, drumroll please, yes she did. It's what I told her, everything's for a reason, *Hashem* will come through, whether you make this flight or the next one, it will happen the way it was meant to and *baruch Hashem*, it happened the way she wanted, not just the way He wanted. They coincided, which always is lovely when that happens. So as people were coming to the airport and already boarding the plane, though it was getting late and was stressful, that negative test, the lab result finally came back, she was able to get on the plane and *baruch Hashem*, thank God she's back in her natural habitat, back in Israel learning, studying, growing and so grateful to *Hashem* for that and for so much more. We have been learning about *deveikus etzem*, the notion of cling to *Hashem* in good times and in bad, being connected to *Hashem* not only when it's convenient, not only when we're on fire, not only when we feel like it, but to realize that His presence in our lives is permanent. It doesn't fluctuate. It's not only when we want it, it's not only when we need it, but it's there no matter what. So let's go back a drop. וצריך להכניס חזק בדעתו, we have to put it in our minds, again this is Rav Itche Meir Morgenstern in his *B'Yam Derechecha*, his wonderful work of self-growth, of personal growth, the chapter on *deveikus*, on how to acquire this attribute of clinging to God. So a person has to very carefully, very importantly put inside our mentality, שלא לחפש רק את האור, don't just look for the light. We are a vessel of light. God is all around us. God is in nature and God is in experiences and events and God is in history and destiny and God most of all is in us. Every one of us is a *tzelem Elokim*, we are a unique divine spark. Every one of us is an ambassador, an agent, every one of us is a *shliach*, a messenger of *Hashem*. And if we woke up this morning and if we're here and if we're alive, there is something to accomplish, something to achieve, there's something to do. We are a unique expression of God in this world, we are that vessel that carries that light. We are meant to be the angel for others, to be that light in someone else's life, to be of service to them. That doesn't mean that we can't relax or enjoy or be invested in our own happiness, but in fact the greatest route to happiness, the happiest we are is when we are the most of service to others. So don't see yourself as insignificant or inconsequential, don't see yourself God forbid as damaged, but we are a *kli*, we are a vessel. Every one of us our lives, every one of us why we are here, every one of us and our role in this world, in our family, in our job, with our friends, is to be a vessel, a conduit, to shine and to illuminate that light. ושלא להיות תלוי רק בהרגשות. However, there will be times that I don't see and I don't feel and I don't feel connected. There will be times where I'm not on fire, I don't feel like waking up and going to *shul*, I don't feel like making *brachos*, I don't feel like *davening* slowly, I don't feel like doing *chesed*, I don't feel like keeping *Shabbos*. There will be those moments. Just like in marriage, just like in any other relationship we've been describing. It's not always fireworks and sparks and romance. There are moments that we feel incredibly close. There are moments that our relationship is on fire. But there are moments also that it's ice cold. כמו הרבה אנשים שכל הדביקות שלהם תלויה כמה הם מרגישים. Too many people, they cling to God only proportional to how connected they feel to him. So for too many people, when God is good to them, everything's working out. health, wealth, happiness, family, the job, the spouse, it's all coming through. Then, then I feel connected, I feel close, then there's a God, then everything is for a reason. But when things don't work out, when we feel all alone abandoned, when we're struggling to get by, when we want to make it through the day, when things are not flowing, when we run into challenge, when we run into a wall, do we still cling to Him nonetheless? That's the proof's in the pudding. And as we mentioned last time and the time before, it is a metaphor, our relationships in this world are all a metaphor for our relationship with Him, for our relationship with Hashem. And just like in the relationships in this world, they are consistent and permanent and not temporary. I am married, I have a fidelity and a loyalty and a devotion, whether the relationship is on fire, whether the relationship is ice cold, whether I feel close or whether there's a wedge and a sense of distance, but I have responsibility and there are consequences to the commitment I made in that relationship. And the same is true in our relationship with Hashem. We're not always going to be on fire, we're not always going to feel close. There are times that we're going to be ice cold and distant, and yet then, even then, especially then, we need to lean in, especially then we need to cling and connect to Him. להיות מעבדי השם יתברך הנאמנים to be among those who serve Hashem faithfully. That word neemanim. Moshe is described as eved neeman. Moshe is an eved neeman. What does the word neeman mean? A neeman is somebody who's trustworthy, is somebody who's reliable, is somebody who's dependable. When we wish a young couple, when we bestow a beracha, a blessing upon them, we say they should build a bayis neeman beYisrael. What does that mean, a bayis neeman? The house won't implode, the house won't collapse, God forbid. We're not talking about the bricks and mortar, we're not talking about the structure. What we're talking about is the trust, what we're talking about is the relationship. They should be a bayis neeman. It should be a faithful home, a trustworthy home, a dependable home, a reliable home. We should be able to rely on that home to live rich, proud, full Jewish values. It should be a home that illuminates the world, it should be a home that welcomes others, it should be a home that is a model of how we're meant to live in this world. So therefore, להיות מעבדי השם יתברך הנאמנים to be among the trustworthy, dependable, reliable servants of Hashem שמחפשים את הדבקות הפנימית who are searching for that inner closeness, connection, clinging to God, את הקשר עם השם יתברך עצמו, not just to work through an agent, an ambassador, an intermediary, but to have a direct connection, to have a direct hotline, בלי קשר להרגשת אור ותענוג. For that to work, for it to be a real relationship, we cannot be fair-weather friends. What's a fair-weather fan, a fair-weather friend? Everyone has those friends that when they're on top of the world, when the person is making money, when they're popular, when they're making a simcha, you'll see that when someone's making a simcha or when someone's going through something that they have their moment to shine, everybody wants to be connected, everybody wants to attach to them. But what happens when they fall on their face? What happens when the world turns upside down, when the wave is over, and the person is struggling, the person discovers hardship? What happened to those friends? Is everyone still elbowing, is everybody still edging to get in there, is everyone still trying to attach themselves, is everybody still trying to somehow see their value go up because their connection? A fair-weather friend is only there in the good times, is only there when it's good for them, is not there, they're not reliable, they're not dependable, they're not trustworthy. A fair-weather fan is there in a winning season. But what about when the team can't get out of the gate, team can't win a game, the team won't make the playoffs, is the fan still rooting? So lehavdil in our relationship with Hashem, with our Creator, are we a fan-weather faith or are we a faithful person all the time? Only when we're on fire, when it means something, when it does something, only when everything's working out in our lives, when we feel like it, or even when we feel like it, even when we don't feel like it rather. וכל עובד השם יתברך שיש לו בתחילה הרגשת אור וגדלות, and any true servant of Hashem who at first was inspired, was driven, was motivated, was enriched, was elevated, felt and saw the light, it's exciting and it's amazing, it's energizing, enthusiastic, ואחר כך מסתלק האור but then the light disappeared, venaaseh choshech and it became dark. I don't think we educate enough baalei teshuvah in this way. Very often we inspire and we touch and we invite and we expose those who are new to Yiddishkeit to its richness and its beauty, and we act as if the excitement, the enthusiasm it had to begin is permanent, it's consistent, this is the way it's always going to be. So excited to daven, so excited to learn the next halacha, the next detail, so excited to engage and encounter the next holiday. They've seen the light, and now it's always going to be so invigorating, so exciting, so uplifting. But that's not the way life is. Life is a roller coaster, and life has ups and downs, and every relationship, the relationship with ourselves and our relationship to food and our relationship to exercise and our relationship... There are moments, there are times that we are on fire, that we are excited, that we can't get enough, and then other moments that we have to fight through, that we have to push ourselves. There are moments not of being enlightened but of darkness. Tzarach ladas, we have to know שכך הוא דרך העבודה, that you can't just work out or exercise when you feel like it, you can't just eat right when you're excited by it, and you can't just spend time with your spouse or your child when it does something for you. But the proof and the evidence of how much you care about it, how much it's a part of your core identity and who you are, and how invested you are, and how faithful, dependable, reliable you are, is: do you show up and do you live it, even when you don't feel it? Hashem Yisborach mistama mesalekes ohr, sometimes He removes the light. Sometimes it gets blocked by a cloud, and that cloud can be Corona, it can be quarantine, it can be shutting down. That cloud can be a health challenge, a financial challenge, a relationship challenge. That light gets blocked; it's not all fun and games and fantastic. It's not all elevating, uplifting. Nevertheless, כדי שנבוא לעומק יותר אמיתי, צריך שלא להתפעל מזה. We cannot give up hope and we cannot become disheartened or disillusioned or disaffected or any other word that starts with the word 'dis'. A person has to be invested consistently, continuously, to never give up and to never give out. He writes in the footnote of Iturei Mayer the same is true when it comes to our relationship with Shabbos. You know the baal teshuvah or the person who gets reinvigorated or the flip out, they get very excited about Shabbos. Ooh, ahh, Shabbos, turn Friday into Erev Shabbos. Shabbos is incredible. כאשר מגיע שבת קודש, הנה צריך שלא רק כאשר מאיר לו השבת כמו שרצה אז יעבוד כראוי. Ooh, when Shabbos has the foods I want, and the guests I want, and the table I want, the chazzan I want, and the rabbi speech at the right length I want, when everything is right the way I want, that's when I'm interested, that's when I'm invested, that's when I'm uplifted. But if not, chas v'shalom, it's terrible. The rabbi spoke too long, the drasha didn't speak to me, my wife didn't make the foods I like, it's the wrong guest, I'm too tired, then Shabbos, I can't wait for it to end. Then what's the relationship with Shabbos? גם אם לא מאיר לו שיהיה מרוצה ושמח. You have to be happy and you have to be invested, you have to be committed, and you have to fight through, you have to run through that wall, that wall of not wanting to do it or be there. ובזה על ידי שיכנס לדעת הפנימית ויחשוב שהעיקר מה שיש לו עם השם יתברך, גם אם אין לו את תחושת האור והתענוג מורגש. The key thing is that I have God with me. I don't feel light, I don't feel good, I don't feel elevated, but I have God, I have meaning, I have purpose, I have a mission. And that's what I have to come back to. That's what we have to remind ourselves. That's what will ground us. וזה מוכיח על הזמן שכן יש לאדם אור ותענוג מה העיקר אצלו. כי באמת השם יתברך רוצה שיהיה גם תענוג מורגש בפועל ונשמה גם בגוף. Hashem wants it to be enjoyable. He wants it to be pleasant. He wants us to be uplifted. אבל לא שזה יהיה העיקר. But that is a side benefit. That's not the core reason why we do it. And I'll give you a mashal, I'll give you an example, I'll give you a metaphor. We eat to live. No, we could subsist, we could subside, on bread and water. You would have the nutrients, nourishment we'd need, not a balanced diet by any stretch, but it would keep us alive. And yet, we don't eat bread and water. We love things with ingredients and spice and taste and flavor profiles. We enjoy something that tastes good. Now, I need to eat to live, whether it tastes good or not. I could eat without taste; when it tastes good, that's an additional benefit. When it tastes good, it's wonderful, it'll make me want to eat more. But what if it doesn't taste? So you'll say, "What doesn't taste?" Corona. There are people who have Corona, there are people who've recovered from Corona who've not recovered their sense of smell or taste. So let's say you're no longer able to taste. When one of my sons-in-law had Corona, we got a video of him eating an onion like it was an apple. He took a bite out of the onion and he ate the onion like it was an apple because my daughter and son-in-law wanted to show the family: no taste. No, he had a great taste in girls, he chose my daughter, but no taste of food and he ate an onion as if it were an apple. So what happens if you have Corona, chas v'shalom, God forbid, and you lose your sense of taste? So once you don't taste, you don't eat? What happens if you don't eat? If because you can't taste you don't eat, you will be malnourished, you'll dehydrate, you'll be in danger, you'll compromise your health, you cannot survive. You can't say, "You know what? Right now I'm going through Corona, I can't taste. I'll eat again when I can taste." How long are you going to go without eating? A day? A week? A month? There are people who've gone several months without recovering their taste. So if you wait to taste to eat again, your life is over. What's true for us physically is true for us spiritually. What's true for the body is also equally true for the soul. You know, when we do mitzvos and We engage a rich Jewish life, it tastes delicious. Shabbos tastes delicious. Kashrus, the discipline, tastes delicious. Doing chesed tastes delicious, giving tzedakah tastes delicious, davening a beautiful kumzitz tish, a song, a sunset. It's all delicious, it makes me feel connected, it makes me feel purpose, it makes me feel elevated. But then there're going to be moments we lose our sense of taste, spiritual taste. I'm trying, I'm eating an onion, I don't even taste it. I'm eating Shabbos, I'm eating kosher, I'm eating tzedakah, I'm eating Talmud Torah, I'm eating the mitzvah and I don't even taste it. I've lost my sense of taste. So what happens? Am I not going to continue to eat? I'll die. I'll die. And so again, Rav Itche Meir is encouraging us and hammering home over and over and over again that טעמו וראו כי טוב ה', tasting and see that God is delicious. His mitzvos are delicious. This lifestyle is delicious. I wouldn't have it any other way. It gives us meaning and purpose and it gives us a sense of a mission in this world. It teaches us to navigate the complications and confusion of this world. Wouldn't have it any other way. It is delicious. And if you think it's not, look around at a world that is starving for the deliciousness that we have. The world that doesn't have Torah and mitzvos is also struggling enormously. It's struggling tremendously. We've been given the instruction manual. We've been given the blueprint. It is delicious. But there will be times that we're going to lose our sense of taste for whatever reason with whatever we're going through in our life. We're struggling to taste the presence of Hashem. משל לחבר אם החבר בא אצל החבר רק כאשר נעים וטוב. Two friends. One only shows up for the friend when things are good. Then, אילו כאשר יש איזה קושי, but there's a hard time, there's a challenge, הוא כבר לא בא לבקר. He doesn't come. So when I can come over and you're opening up a bottle of wine, you're opening your expensive scotch, you're serving your first cut corned beef, when I can come over and we're going to sing, we're going to share divrei Torah, we're going to tell stories and we're going to laugh and we're going to have fun, I'm the first to arrive. But then you hit hard times and you can no longer afford the wine or the scotch, you can no longer serve the food and there's no longer smiles or laughter, I'm nowhere to be found. זה סימן שאינו חבר אמת. Such a person's not a real friend. Ask anyone who's gone through a hard time and they will all use the same expression. That when you go through a hard time, you quickly learn who your real friends are. When you're going through a great time, everyone's your friend. But the people who've gone through hard times, the people who've gone through a controversy, a scandal, a person who's lost money and often health challenges, they will tell you that in that hardship, in that difficult time, they learned a lot about themselves and they also learned who their real friends are. והוא כמו חבר של עשיר, like the friend of a wealthy person, שאינו חברו אלא של הכסף שלו. You know, it turns out, it turns out retroactively, that other person was never really your friend. They were the friend of your wine collection. They were the friend of your scotch collection. They were the friend of your Instagram followers. They were the friend of however they benefit by attaching themselves to you, but it turns out they weren't really your friend. How do you know if someone's really your friend or the friend of your things, the friend of your name and reputation? You know because whether they show up even when you don't have those things. ורק אם יודע להישאר מחובר גם בזמני הקושי, זה סימן שהוא חבר אמת. Only if we stay attached in difficult times, that is a sign and a symbol that it's a true friend. והוא הראוי ליהנות בזמני העשירות. And then they're worthy of being there in the good times. If you know who stuck with you in hard times, they deserve your love and your loyalty in the good times as well. But if they abandon you and they're nowhere to be found in the hard times, then they don't deserve the payoff of being there and being with you in the good times. So Rav Itche Meir is applying this to our relationship with Hashem. There are good times and there are hard times. There are times of closeness and times of distance. There are times of light and there are times of darkness. And the real evidence, the real proof of who we are and what we're made of is not our level of emunah and dveykus, not how much we cling to Him when all is going well, but do we cling to Him in the moments and at the times of struggle? Are we anywhere to be found even when we don't feel like it? Even when it is difficult? Even when it is difficult? כי צריך שיהיה ומצאת את לבבו נאמן לפניך. We say in our davening, ויבחר דוד ומצאת את לבבו, and we found his heart ne'eman lefanecha. Ne'eman, reliable, dependable, trustworthy, predictable, להיות עבד נאמן לשמו יתברך. Are we reliable? Are we the friend who shows up good times and bad times and hard times? ונאמנות היא התקשרות פנימית שאינה תלויה בכלום. Being reliable and dependable is an inner connection that's not dependent on anything. If my friendship, my loyalty to you depends on your giving me, my benefiting, your having a lot to offer, that's not a real connection. The real connection, the truest connection, the most loyal connection is even when there's nothing in it for me. אלא להידבק בהשם יתברך באמת למעלה בשורש. And the same is true in our relationship with Hashem. Do we only cling and connect to Him when the bracha is flowing, the blessing is flowing from above? Even when we feel we're on fire, we're excited, we're passionate, we're alive, or do we cling, do we connect, do we continue, do we have a sense of ritual, have we created a habit and a lifestyle of living with emuna and Hashem even when it's difficult, even when we can't see Him? וזה נקרא דבקות עצם. And that is a true, that is the most direct dveikus clinging to Him. Hargasha yoser pnimis, it is a more organic, more intrinsic, more direct connection שאינו מורגש בכלי הרגשה הרגילים ושהאדם מרגיש שאינו צריך אורות כדי להשיג דבקות בהשם יתברך. A person doesn't need the light in order to feel connected to Hashem. You don't need to be on fire. אלא הוא דבוק בעצם אלוקות אני עם השם יתברך יחד. I am together with God as one, כי זה עצם מציאותי. A person is married, they're not only married whenever everything's on fire and fireworks and love and romance. They're married no matter what till death do us part. We're married no matter what. That's not our philosophy. Sometimes it's mutar to sever relationship before marriage, before death. But as long as one is married and has the bond and the bind and the commitment of marriage, then it means that it's not negotiable and it's not conditional and it doesn't fluctuate based on how I feel. וצריך אדם להיות בקי בשתי מדרגות. So this is our mission, Rabbi Itche Meir's been defining for us. This is our mission. To try to be on fire, to try to be moved by the singing, by the sunset, by the chesed, by the learning, by the davening, to be on fire, to be passionate, to be excited, to feel His presence. That's the top level, the highest level, to be on fire. However, even when we're not and even when and even when it's hard to achieve, להיות מופשט מהרגשות ולעלות להרגשת הנשמה הפנימית שאינו מורגש בכלי הרגשה של הנפש. To get to a more intrinsic, to get to a more connected, to not have a conditional relationship. והוא מה שהאדם נדבק בהשם יתברך מנקודה אמת. And that's what it means, that's the truest, most real, most reliable dveikus to cling to God in sickness and in health, in good times and in bad times, b'dveikus etzem, real, intrinsic, transformative, part of my core identity, b'machshava bo Yisbarach, to be thinking about Him and to be looking for Him and to be aware of Him and to remind myself of Him even when I don't feel like it and even when I don't feel like being with Him or even when I don't feel like His looking over my shoulder. ובהרגשה פנימית שכך היא המציאות שאני עמו יתברך. And with that feeling that I am with Him always and forever, non-negotiable, He is there, He is there. So Rabbi Itche Meir's defined for us a dveikus etzem. It's not a conditional dveikus. It's not, oh, I'm attached to Him when I feel His presence. Listen to this, I told you how many times my family has this hashgacha pratis WhatsApp group. Not I feel such dveikus, I feel so connected to Him, why? Because listen to this hashgacha pratis story. Listen to the story of divine providence. No. Do you feel connected to Him even when you don't have a story of divine providence to tell? Do you still feel connected? Do you still feel loyal? Do you still show up? That is the question, that is the backbone, that is the test of our, that is the test of our relationship. So I give us all a bracha that we should feel and we should live a dveikus b'hargasha, to be inspired, to feel, to be on fire, to have fireworks, love, romance, connection, loyalty with Hashem, but even more so, to be so devoted and so committed, so trustworthy, so reliable and dependable in that relationship that we show up and that we are there no matter how we feel. Because if we do that for Him, He does it for us. And no matter what we're going through, we know that He will be there, that nothing is by chance, it's all by design. Pick up tonight 9:00 PM, go on Behind the Bima, a very, very special guest. We continue with our Living with Emuna series next week. Until next time, stay happy, stay healthy, and stay holy.
