Transcript
Good morning, Boker Tov, welcome back to Living with Emuna series, each week where we try to get together and remind ourselves what we already know or should know, that there is a creator, there is a Ribono shel Olam, there is an Almighty in this world, that he created the world, everything in it, he created us, and that he is intimately involved, aware of everything in our lives, and that we should rely, depend, and lean on him, and our lives only get better and improve. I want to thank our generous sponsors of the series for the year, Doctors Avi and Bella Morgan in memory of Rabbi Dr. Brian Galbut, zichrono livracha, and in memory of Bella’s mother, Dr. Ellen Chanzer, thank you so much for your generous sponsorship. This morning’s shiur is also sponsored anonymously for the Refuah sheleima of רפאל אהרן הכהן בן רבקה, Alex Kraus, a cousin of Rabbi Moskowitz, and לעילוי נשמת דוד חיים בן שלמה, Dr. David Dombeck, zichrono livracha. Thank you so so much to our generous sponsors. If you’d like to sponsor a future class or episode, please email me at brsonline.org, l-e-e at brsonline.org. We’re coming off the Chag HaEmuna, the Yom Tov of Emuna, the Yom Tov of faith. We didn’t only study about God, we didn’t read or learn or demonstrate about falling in love with, falling in faith with Hashem, but rather we experienced it, we lived it, we went through our own Yetzias Mitzrayim. Mitzrayim, Meitzar is a straight, a narrow place, a constricted place, and מן המצר קראתי קה, we call God from that constricted place, from a Mitzrayim, and we set ourselves free. Setting ourselves free means that we go from thinking we’re in charge, we’re in control, we take responsibility, we have pride or we have guilt, to realizing we do our very best and then we let go, let God. Once we’ve done our best, then it is up to the Almighty, it is up to the Ribono shel Olam, the Master of the Universe. And when we go from a life of thinking we’re in charge, we’re in control, which leads to arrogance and envy, which leads to anxiety and worry, into a life in which we’ve set ourselves free, then we have experienced what liberty and freedom, emancipation are really all about. That is what this holiday, and now we’re in the middle of Sefiras HaOmer, we’ve begun the count and we are on a trek, 49 days, seven weeks towards setting ourselves free. So how have you challenged yourself in these seven weeks? How have you challenged yourself for these 49 days? In what way are we going to be better? Less arrogant, less envious, less anxiety-ridden, less thinking that we’re in charge and we’re in control, less turning inward and more turning outward? How are we reaching up, reaching out, and reaching in? How are we measuring in these 49 days in day increments and in weekly increments, evaluating: have I grown, have I changed, have I improved, am I better? What are we taking upon ourselves? To read, to study, to learn every day? To work out, to exercise, to eat right? To be more mindful in what we say, in how we speak, in our effort to connect with others? Are we dedicating time to daven, not only from a siddur, but to open our heart and to talk to God about what’s on our mind, what we want to protest and object to, what we want to express gratitude for, and what we want to reach out for his help with? What are we doing in these 49 days in order to truly set ourselves free and to be able to do so in a way in which we measure how we are, how we are doing? All right, we’re continuing our study of רב איצ'ה מאיר מורגנשטרן’s B'yam Derechecha and we are on the perek of הרגשת אור ותענוג בדביקות, feeling his light, turning ourselves into a kli, into a vessel to receive that light. The light, the countenance of the Almighty is shining bright all the time. God is speaking and God is shining and God is messaging all the time. The question is, do we pick it up? Are we hearing it? Are we picking up that signal? That’s the question that’s on us. Are we a vessel, are we a kli, is our antenna extended? Have we updated our software? Are we picking up the signal of his light? Are we that vessel to receive and to live that light? That light is everywhere. That light is in every cup of coffee and that light is in every conversation and that light is in every human being and that light is in every mitzva and that light is in every prayer opportunity. That light from God is everywhere. The question is, are we looking for it and do we see it? Are we feeling it? Because when we do, when we become that vessel and when we feel that light and when we see that infinite and we touch the divine, then we’re elevated, we’re enriched, we’re alive. Our life is so much better. And when we live in the here and now, in the temporary, we live in a world that is fleeting, we live in a world which is filled with decay, we live in a world which is filled with death, then we feel we are dead even while we are alive. The more we contact the divine, the more we contact that which is infinite, eternal, immortal, then the more alive that we feel. And we make that contact when we do mitzvos, that is contact with the divine, that is contact with immortality, but we also make contact with our immortality when we find Hashem’s light. Hashem is immortal and his light can be found and connected with so many ways around us as we just mentioned through so many different capacities. That’s our mission, that’s our search, that’s what we’re looking for. We're on page tzadi tes, page 99, the third chapter, feeling the light and connecting dveykas, attaching, gluing ourselves to the Almighty. אם נכנס נכון לעניין ומסכים להידבק גם בלי תענוג אז יוכל לזכות גם לתענוג ולהתענג מנועם הדבקות כי בוודאי רצון השם יתברך שידבק בו בתענוג אלא שלא יעשה שהתענוג יהיה המטרה. He makes a very, very important and critical point here Rav Itche Meir. He says, you know, we have this thing called spirituality. Are you on fire? Young people love to use the fire emoji. Ooh, that was fire. That drasha was fire. How was your Seder? It was fire. How are you feeling? Fire. So at times we feel the spirituality, we're on fire. We're on fire, we feel connected, we feel alive, we feel we're striving, we're stretching up. At times we're on fire. We are deriving the joy, the pleasure out of a life of connection to God. But at times the pleasure is not there. At times we're asked to open the siddur and davven even though you're not feeling it, even though you're not in fire, even though you're not filled with faith, even though you're falling apart, even though you're exhausted. So Rav Itche Meir says a person needs to be so committed to dveykas. A person has to be so committed to the notion of attaching ourselves to Hashem that even in those moments too, we stick with it. It's not just about the pleasure we derive from it, but it's about a commitment to being. And I liken it as we always do to the metaphor of marriage because the relationship with Hashem is not even a metaphor of marriage. It is a marriage. That is what we're told is the relationship. In fact, the Kabbalists, the mystics told us that the whole institution of marriage in this world is so that we have an understanding of what it means to be in that relationship with Hashem. It's not that our relationship with Hashem is like a marriage, it's that we have marriage so that we can have an insight and an inkling and understanding of what we're supposed to feel when it comes to Hashem. So a marriage often you feel on fire, you're in love, it's amazing, all you see is the good and the connection and the romance and you're so angry that there aren't even enough words to communicate or capture the sense of love and devotion and oneness that you feel, attachment. It's not a coincidence by the way that the same word dveykas that we're learning about, the mitzvah of attaching ourselves to God is the same word that's used in the context of marriage. Torah tells us, על כן יעזוב איש את אביו ואת אמו, a person is meant to graduate their parents' home, vedovak beishto, attach and cling themselves to their spouse. That is the nature of marriage. The nature of marriage is to cling, to feel you have one another's back, to stick together like glue, to be able to feel the rhythm of life, to finish each other's sentences, to be able to intuit what the other one wants, to have such a level of loyalty and fidelity that you're interconnected as one, vedovak beishto. So here you have the exact same word in the context of marriage is the same word that is the mitzvah of the relationship with Hashem. Why? Not because the relationship with Hashem with God is like a marriage, we are married to God. And just like I'm not on a vacation from my marriage even when I'm on a business trip or a vacation, but marriage is part of the core definition of who I am, it defines my status, my identity, it defines who I am and I never unbreak from it, so too my relationship, my marriage to the Almighty means I don't take a vacation from it. I'm not on break on a business trip on vacation, He comes with me. We're never apart. That identity, that status of being married to one another, that dveykas, that devek, that connection is something which is part of my core identity. It's part of who I am. So in marriage sometimes you're on fire, you're in love, there are no words to describe the romance, the fireworks. And there are other times that you're not feeling as connected. That's healthy, that's okay, that's a part of rhythm of marriage. Maybe you're feeling distance, maybe you're both exhausted, maybe you're both overwhelmed, maybe all you talk about are the things that bring anxiety and you never invest enough in yourselves and you need to return and recover that. That's okay. But even in those moments where you're not feeling on fire and there aren't feeling the fireworks, you still have to remember you're married. You still have to cling and be loyal, you still have to have one another's back, you still have to care about each other's needs and wants. And the same is true in the relationship, the marriage to the Almighty. Dveykas, that clinging, that dovak, gluing ourselves to God, it's wonderful when it leads to the fireworks with God. I'm on fire and I love and I'm spiritual and I see Him everywhere and Hashem is amazing and the world is amazing and life is amazing and let's just have a kumzitz and a kumbaya and isn't life amazing. But there will be and there are moments that you don't feel that. And that's when the rubber meets the road, that's the test of is the dveykas real. שלא יעשה שהתענוג יהיה המטרה. The pleasure, the joy, the fireworks cannot be the goal of clinging to God. The goal of clinging to God is because I'm married to God. And being married to God, marriage has to mean something. There is loyalty, there's fidelity, there has to be commitment, there has to be devotion, there has to be willingness to compromise and sacrifice. Those are core definitions and criteria of marriage. So the taanug is not the matara, the byproduct of a healthy marriage with God or with another human being, the byproduct of of the healthy rewarding marriage is that it also feels good, but that's not the matara. That is not the goal. He continues in the next section: והנה לא רק שאסר שהאור יהיה המטרה, it's not just that the light can't be the goal, אלא שלפעמים הוא באמת לא מתגלה. There will be times that the light doesn't shine through. You're in a dark place, you're in a dark moment, you're living in a dark time, and it's very difficult to see the light. It's cloudy, it's dark. ולפעמים כשאדם מנסה לעסוק בדבקות, and there are times when you are trying to practice dveikus, trying to cling to God, הוא אינו מרגיש את האור ואת התענוג העליון. You're not feeling that light and you're not feeling that upper pleasure. וגם אחרי שכבר זכה להרגיש בנועם הדבקות בהשם יתברך, and even after you merit to feel the pleasantness of attachment to God, u-vi-mesikus ha-Torah ha-kedosha, and the sweetness, if you taste Torah, טעמו וראו כי טוב השם, if you only taste, if you only try, you will see how delicious a relationship with God is. ייתכן מאוד ששוב יחשיך לו עד שכמעט ישכח שפעם הוא הרגיש אור גדול. But relationships work in cycles. There are ups and there are downs. We hope like the stock market that it trends up even though there are ups and downs, there are variations. But relationships all contain those. So we've tasted the sweetness, and we know how delicious a relationship is, and we've seen the light, but the light doesn't always shine through, sometimes there's dark. Sometimes we're in a dark place and sometimes the world is a dark place. וכן בשבת קודש ובשאר זמני הקודש לפעמים מרגישים אור ולפעמים לא מרגישים. There are times when you are on fire. Shabbos is coming! So excited, counting down, preparing, cooking, lichvod Shabbos Kodesh. I love Shabbos, I live for Shabbos. And there's sometimes if we admit you say, oh, it's another Shabbos, gotta cook again, another drasha, gotta set the table, gotta get ready, gotta disconnect again. וצריך שלא להתפעל כאשר לא מרגיש כי גם זה התגלות אלוקות וגם זה מדרגה בדבקות. A level, if you want to evaluate your level and where you're at when it comes to this mida of quality of clinging to God, you need to know that this too, the real measure of a person is not how well you're doing when you're on fire. It's not how well you're doing when everything is going well. It's not how well it's smoothly it's seamless it is when the light is coming through. Your real test of your marriage is not when you're on vacation or celebrating your anniversary or you have won the lottery. The real test of your marriage is when you hit a roadblock, when you struggle. The real test of a marriage is when you're not feeling it. Do you persevere, do you work it out, do you work it through, do you come back, is it stronger than ever? Is it stronger than ever? ואז העבודה היא בדבקות שאינו מורגש שהוא קשר אמיתי אבל בלי הרגשת אור. That's the real connection, when you fight through, when you persevere, when you're really devoted, when you're willing to cling, when you're willing to have a back even when you're not feeling attached. When you don't feel like working out, do you anyway? When you don't feel like dieting and being disciplined, are you anyway? When you don't feel like doing the daf or learning or tuning into the shiur, do you do it anyway? It's easy when you're on fire, I never miss that shiur, I love it, it changes me. Working out is the greatest, I don't understand why everybody doesn't work out, it's the greatest thing that ever happened, it's so much fun, everybody loves it. That's great. You know what's going to happen? You're going to hit a wall and you're going to say working out is the stupidest, dumbest, I hate it, I hate every moment of it, it's torture, get me out of it. And do you do it anyway? Do you do it anyway? Oh, I would never eat that poison, I'd never put that in my system, I only eat healthy. That's good. In two weeks you're going to be back to wanting the corn chips. But do you eat them? Or do you discipline as we spoke about this morning in our Mesillas Yesharim shiur, do you realize that there is a pause, there's a space between the urge, the appetite and the action. And in that space, do you express the discipline? Do you express the discipline, even when you don't feel like it? והטעם שזה כך הוא כי נתאווה השם יתברך להיות לו דירה בתחתונים. God wants to dwell down here on earth. וכל יהודי הוא שליח של השם יתברך, and every one of us is an agent, an ambassador, a messenger of God, לעשות לו דירה בתחתונים. And we are here in order to be a vessel so that God has a place to dwell down here on earth. So it's not that God is only living in the heavens, the heavens are a place of spirituality, the heavens are a place of the divine, and here on earth it's a place of animal living, it's animal house. No, we are His agents, we are His ambassadors, we are, we are, it's as if heaven has an embassy on earth. Where is the embassy in heaven? America has an embassy in Israel, Israel has an embassy in America, and the Israeli embassy in America has the sovereign status of Israel. The American embassy in Israel is the sovereign status of America. So where is heaven's embassy on earth? Through each and every one of us. We are the embassy, we are the ambassador, the agency of God. He wants a dira betachtonim. betachtonim. God doesn't want to just dwell in the heavens. He doesn't want spirituality to be something which is far away and far apart and is in the heavens. God wants dirah betachtonim. God says I'm in the food, I'm in the intimacy, I'm in your relationship with time, I'm in your relationship with culture, I'm in your relationship with work, I'm in your relationship with what car you drive. dirah betachtonim, this godliness, this spirituality available, accessible everywhere. לעשות לו דירה בתחתונים שיראה בכל מקום את מציאות ומלכות השם יתברך that everywhere you look you see the kingdom, the royalty, you see the dominion, you see the providence of God. He's in every bite, every morsel we eat, he's in everything we say, he's in everything we feel, he's in everywhere we go, he's in everything we look at. He's in every chair, every desk, every computer, every smartphone, Hashem is everywhere that light is shining through but only through us. Through the power of our agency, through our autonomy and our effort and our interest. Uvezmanim ha'eileh and during these times, ke'asher machshich la'adam when it feels dark out, ישנה מלחמה גדולה בנפש האדם. There's a battle, there's a war that takes place in the soul of the person. האם יפול לעזוב את הדביקות והשייכות להשם יתברך כיון שכבר אינו מרגיש אותו? So again the same thing again with marriage. You're not feeling it with marriage. The fireworks aren't there, the romance isn't there. So what? Are you still devoted? Are you still all in? Are you willing to work it through? או שבכל מצב בלי קשר להרגשו or הוא ישאר דבק בבוראו כי יודע שיתברך הוא הכל והוא נמצא תמיד or even when you're angry or you're in a fight or you're feeling distance or you're not feeling connected do you say but this is the love of my life, this is the parent of my children, this is my future, this is my other half, this is the person who makes me whole and therefore I'm going to fight through, persevere, work it out and come out stronger on the other side. The same is true with the Almighty. So again what Rav Itche Meir is trying to communicate and transmit to us is that the real test of our devotion to dveikus, the real test of how much we believe in this quality and in this practice is not when it's going smoothly or well or we're on fire, but when it's challenging and difficult. וכשאדם עומד בנסיון הזה and when we are in that test, הוא מגלה את השקר של העולם החיצוני. We are revealing the lies and distortions, the untruth of the external world, ומגלה שמלכותו בכל משלה ותמיד השם יתברך נמצא גם כאשר העולם מסתיר את זה. God can be found even when the world is hiding him. So corona was hiding God; isolation, quarantine, distance, illness, sickness, loss, financial challenge, where's God, where's the Ribono Shel Olam? The world externally was kind to suppress Hashem, trying to make it that you couldn't see him. Where's a God amidst among all the suffering and all the challenges? And the answer is it was up to us, the way we treated one another, the way we extended ourselves to one another, the level of selflessness, of kindness, of support to one another. It's up to us to reveal that light even when there are layers and layers of dark that are trying to hide it. So there are people, there are things, there are places, there are conditions, there are natural events in the world which make it a dark, dark place, a complicated place, a place in which it's difficult to access and to expose and to see God. But those are the moments that are most up to us. Those are the challenges for us to stand up and to step up and to reveal him, to be that light. ולכן כשעוברים על האדם ימים שהוא מרגיש שמסתלק ממנו אור הדביקות ימשיך להדבק במחשבה ובלב. So you're going through a difficult time, a person medically, financially, relationship, emotionally, psychologically, or you're worn down and exhausted. Who doesn't have corona fatigue? Who's not just tired already of masks and calculations and concerns? Who's not just tired of all this already, of living in fear of if or when you're going to contract illness, what it will look like, what it will mean, how will it spread within your family, who are the vulnerable members of your family? Who's not exhausted from all this? Who's not tired of it? Who's not in a dark place from it? But those are the moments, lehidavek bemachshava uvaleiv, to nevertheless attach ourselves in our thoughts and in our hearts, גם בלי הרגשות האור אלא מעצם המציאות שהשם יתברך עמו. You have to know that Hashem is with us. There's nothing to worry, there's nothing to fear, there's nothing to be concerned. Do what we have to do and then the rest is up to us. My daughter's going back to Eretz Yisrael today, back to her seminary to continue her year in Israel, so grateful the Ribono Shel Olam decided in the last moment she was able to come back and be with our family. Baruch Hashem we were all together. What a joy, what a gift, what a blessing. So she took a test yesterday because you need a test in order to go back and she doesn't have the result yet. And the lab this morning is saying they're not sure why it's taking so long, but her flight's today. What's going to be? I don't know. We're in the middle of the shiur, my phone is on airplane mode, I have no idea. But I said let's davven, we gotta davven. We did everything you're supposed to do, you took it in the time you're supposed to take it, took it with a wonderful reputable company and for whatever reason it's at the lab and now it's in Hashem's hands, so why stress? Why be frustrated? Why be worried? Why stress? Why be frustrated? Why be worried? Why give up your happiness? Why give up the last moments that you're at home? Let go and let God. If He wills that the lab will have the results, it'll all go smoothly, and if for some reason He doesn't, there's a reason, that's what's meant to be, that's the way it is designed. Now you'll say well it's easy for me, I'm not supposed to go anywhere, believe me it's not so easy for me, if it doesn't come back life gets very complicated. But that's the gift of what emuna means. You're stressed, you're struggling, halevai this should be the darkest place you or we ever go through, halevai. This is nothing, gornisht, it's a nothing. But you're in a dark place, you're in a concerned place, that's when you have to fight through and see the light. That's when you have to refocus one's thoughts, that's where we have to be really, really committed in our heart and in our head to faith in Hashem, and to say okay, did I do everything the best I could? Yes. Did I do it with the best that I could? Yes. Is there anything more for me to do right now? No. Okay, so then what's left? Stress, frustration, anxiety, worry, what good will that do? Will that make it better? Will that bring about positive results? Will that create success? Not rarely, never, never. If there's more to do then just do it, but don't do it with angst, anxiety or worry, that never ever helps, usually it just hurts the situation, certainly it forfeits our serenity, tranquility in the last moments that we have here at home. וישמח בהשם יתברך בלי הרגשה, rak mikoach haemuna, mikoach haemuna. And be happy with השם יתברך בלי הרגשה. You're in that dark place, you're in that concerned place, you're in that worried place, you're in that place where it's hard to feel His presence, find an ability to break through and be happy with Him even when the feeling's not there, rak mikoach haemuna, כי באמת השם יתברך תמיד איתנו ואפשר להמשיך להדבק בו ולחיות איתו גם אם האדם לא מרגיש כלום. Hashem is always with us, even when you don't feel it. He's always there even when it looks like there are layers that are blocking Him. So I want to give you a mashal, I want to give you an example right now that just jumped into my head. I once read from a marriage expert that when a couple's in a fight, when a couple's in a fight, a very good thing to do, assuming it's an appropriate time, and appropriate place, an appropriate venue, is one to go over to the other and just give them a hug. So what do you mean? You're in the middle of throwing things at each other's head, you're yelling and screaming at each other about how you ruin each other's life, you're frustrated, disappointed, hurt by each other's behavior, you're in an enormous fight, and you're going to go over and give a hug? And the answer is yes. Because what that hug does, or what putting a hand on somebody else, even in the middle of a fight does, is it says, we're going to work this out, at our core we are connected, we are one, we are in love, we have a future. We're on a detour, we're on a conversation, we have to work this out, but let's remember that underneath it all and what we will come back to is that we have a fantastic and phenomenal connection. So that hug, aside from the endorphin release and aside from what it does, the sense of touch, but it builds a connection and it sets a reminder and it says, I'm saying maybe even harsh or hurtful things, I'm throwing things at you literally or metaphorically, we're going at it and we're battling right now, but I interrupt to bring you this hug. First of all, it's very hard to then speak harshly, it's very hard to still kick it up to the highest level of the nuclear fight, when that hug or that placing a hand on the other person, what it communicates, that sense of touch or that connection. Why am I giving you this mashal? First of all it's good to know, not that any of you ever have fights in your marriage, but it's good to know in case you know somebody who does, it's very good advice. But why am I sharing it? I'm sharing it as a mashal, as a metaphor, as an example in terms of our relationship with God. It means that sometimes God, I'm throwing things at You, literally, metaphorically, God I'm frustrated, I'm disappointed, I'm hurt, I'm withdrawn, I'm distant, there's daylight between us, God I don't see You in my life, I'm frustrated, I'm angry, where are You? Why is this happening? Interrupt and give Him a hug and realize you know God, I'm feeling this right now, but it's temporary. In my core I have such faith in You and love for You. You are my Father, You are my spouse, You are my everything and we will be back. But right now, here's how I'm feeling, resume the fight if you want. So that's what Rav Itche Meir is suggesting is to know that even within the darkness, even within the choshech, האמת שהשם יתברך תמיד איתו, Hashem Yisborach is always with us and that we can cling to Him and feel connected to Him and give Him a hug and feel His hug even when we can't find Him anywhere, even when we can't find Him anywhere. Even as a parent you have to discipline a child, you're about to take away their technology or you're about to ground them, you're about to tell them some disappointing news because that's what's best for them, give them a hug and then give them the punishment. Because what that says is I love you, I love you, I love you unconditionally, you're my child, I love you. Because I love you I have to do what I'm about to do, but I give you a hug before I give you a hug after. You have to practice tough love. The ultimate love for a parent to a child. So השם יתברך, even in these moments there's darkness, it's difficult to find him, there is a light, and we create and we crack open in order to create that light. וצריך להכניס חזק בדעתו שלא לחפש רק את האור שלא להיות תלוי רק בהרגשות. We have to have or we have to place carefully in our head. We have to know, not just to search or look for the light, and not just to depend, the relationship can't fluctuate and depend on our feelings. כמה דאנשא בשעת דביקות להם תלוי כמה הם מרגישים because the relationship with God is how they're feeling. I don't feel like דאוונען with כוונה today. I don't feel like putting תפילין on today. I don't feel like making a ברכה today. It doesn't do anything for me. There's an enormous challenge in יידישקייט today. I've spoken about this many times, so you'll forgive me if you heard this little rant. But there's an enormous challenge today, particularly among young people, who will tell you that I don't do the things that don't do anything for me. So there's a group of young men I once spoke to about תפילין and they said תפילין doesn't do anything for me. תפילין doesn't do anything for me. Wrapping leather on my arm, on my head, it doesn't do anything for me. So why should I do it? Because modern man, the 21st century says I don't do things that don't do anything for me. Just do it, obey your thirst, pleasure, only the things that make you happy and give you pleasure. So why do I have to do anything that doesn't do it for me? כשר, שבת, תפילין, doesn't do anything for me. Why do I have to do something that doesn't do something for me? But the core of יידישקייט, the core of religion, the core of faith, the core of a relationship is a willingness to do. Imagine I tell my wife that taking out the garbage doesn't do anything for me. And I know you asked me to help with this, that, doesn't do anything for me. So I don't really care if it does anything for you, it does something for me and I asked you to do it. So do I do anything for you? Do you care about me? Are you invested in this relationship with me? Do you want to know what I'm asking you to do even if you're not feeling at this moment it does anything for you? Clearing the table doesn't do anything for me. Helping with bedtime doesn't do anything for me. Okay, that's nice. Imagine telling your boss at work, you're given an assignment, a project, something to do, nah, give it to someone else, that doesn't do anything for me. I don't remember asking you if it did anything for you. It needs to get done and you're the one who needs to do it. And so the core of religion, the core of spirituality, the core of being an עבד השם, of עבודה, is not that it does something for me. It's not the feeling that we have. It's the commitment to doing it even when I don't feel it. You think brushing my teeth every day does something for me? But you gotta brush your teeth whether you're feeling it or not. אלא להיות... so I told that group of young men, you know, tonight, tonight's Wednesday, tonight, tomorrow, יום השואה, Holocaust Memorial Day. So there's a תשובה ממעמקים רב אשרי who was a רב in the קובנה גטו and collected, he wrote on scraps of paper and he buried it under the קובנה גטו and he collected it afterwards and it was the questions that he was asked in the קובנה גטו. And he was asked a question by a young man, I've shared this and taught this before. A young man who comes to רב אשרי and says, you know, I'm not going to make it to my בר מצווה. The odds, the statistics, the likelihood is that I'm never going to survive to my בר מצווה. But I need to know what it's like to put on תפילין. I cannot go to my death, I cannot go to the next world and never have had the experience of putting on תפילין. So even though I'm not בר מצווה and I'm not even close to, may I start wearing תפילין because otherwise I'll never know that experience because the likelihood is I'll be murdered beforehand. And רב אשרי has several pages of a תשובה about why we wait to put on תפילין till the בר מצווה and how close to the בר מצווה do we begin to practice, a day, a week, a month, what are the different customs and traditions. And ultimately concludes that this young man, if he has the proper mindset, he can be mindful of protecting, observing the תפילין, that he's allowed to. But forget the answer. How about the question? How about the mindset of a young man, 12 years old, suffering, a slave, imprisoned in the קובנה גטו, who doesn't say God where are you? Was there a darker place on earth than the Holocaust? Was there a greater cloak of darkness than the שואה? And this young man in the Holocaust doesn't say how can I run away? He says how can I run to? He doesn't say I can't see God so I'm out. He says how can I make a crack, how can I break open an opening so the light will still come through? He doesn't say I guess I don't have to wear תפילין or do anything else because God abandoned me, I'm abandoning him. He says how would it be possible for me to go to my death and never know what it's like to wear a תפילין. What a question. What a question. He didn't ask does it do anything for me. He didn't say does it do something for me. He said what am I meant to do? What a different question. Not what does it do for me, but what am I meant to do? And so that's what רב איצ'ה מאיר is applying to a world of mindfulness, a world of faith, a world of דבקות. Do we practice it, do we live it even when we don't feel it? Even when we don't feel it? Even when it's not doing something for me, do we ask ourselves what are we meant to do? אלא להיות מעבדי השם יתברך הנאמנים שמחפשים את הדביקות הפנימית to be those who serve God faithfully, who are searching for an inner connection, את הקשר עם השם יתברך עצמו. We're trying to break that open, we're trying to create a hole or a crack so the light can come through, בלי קשר להרגשת האור והתענוג. Forget whether we're feeling it, and forget whether it's doing something for us, forget whether it's letting us feel we're high on God, but are we committed to do it because it's the right thing, because it's what we're meant to do nonetheless? It continues a very important conversation and this is the measure of our commitment to emuna and to deveikus, not just in the lofty and the high and the happy times, but on the week and the eve of Yom HaShoah. The people who live with tremendous faith in our local Yom HaShoah program, which will be online virtually, our local survivor Martin Judovitz, one of my heroes, at our Seder this year we had the privilege of hosting him. He's vaccinated, we're vaccinated, from a distance, and during the Vehi Sheamda he shared his experiences and talked to my kids about how he maintained his faith. He's given the most extraordinary answer. He said I lost my mother and father, I had one parent left, should I lose him too? And therefore I chose to get closer and not further from him after the war, after he lost everything. So he'll be sharing some reflections tonight. I'll be interviewing Judge Coleman, a Holocaust survivor tonight. Later tonight, I'm behind the Bima at 9 PM, we'll be interviewing Mrs. Ruth Lichtenstein, the founder of Project Witness, the great-granddaughter of the Ger Rebbe, the editor in chief of Hamodia newspaper. She's also an extraordinary woman. She'll talk about Project Witness, which is collecting the testimonials from a spiritual perspective, the spiritual resistance and heroism during the Shoah, the people who maintained their religion and faith in those extraordinary circumstances. So I encourage you to tune in. 6 PM is our Yom HaShoah program, 9 PM is the Behind the Bima interview, and we'll pick up with this conversation please God next week. If you would like to subscribe to our YouTube channel, you'll be notified in real time every time we learn together, be part of our community of learning, simply hit subscribe and you will be alerted. Until next time, stay happy, stay healthy, and stay holy.
