Transcript
This morning we have the privilege of studying פרשת חיי שרה Parshas Chayei Sarah together. It's page 106 on the Artscroll Stone חומש Chumash. And as we do every week, we'll give an overview of the פרשה parsha, and then delve into the opening of the פרשה parsha this week, the specific פסוקים psukim together.פרשת חיי שרה Parshas Chayei Sarah begins where, I say this every week, where וירא Vayeira left off. It's true every week. But at the end of last week's פרשה parsha, we read of the עקידה akeida, the story of the test, both of אברם Avram who gets most of the, who gets most of the appreciation and attention, but the test of יצחק Yitzchak as well. A test that both of them passed יחדיו yachdov, equally, together. Only they suffer the consequence, the ramification, at the beginning of this week's פרשה parsha, when אברם Avram returns from the עקידה akeida and finds that שרה Sarah has expired, שרה Sarah has passed away due to the false report, that not only did אברם Avram take יצחק Yitzchak towards the עקידה akeida, but that he had completed the עקידה akeida. And again, we'll get into this when we review these opening פסוקים psukim.And so אברם Avram returns to find that שרה Sarah had passed away, had left from this world. The תורה Torah remarks about the extraordinary life that she led, and begins by telling us about how אברם Avram was so devoted, so dedicated to find this burial plot for her. In fact, we invoke this in every wedding. Which is kind of a peculiar time to invoke this dedication, this loyalty. The הלכה halacha is קיחה קיחה משדה אברם, משדה עפרון kicha kicha misdei Avram, misdei Ephron. We learn that when a חתן chasan, a groom, acquires his wife, his bride, that's not misogynistic or sexist, it means that he takes the initiative and demonstrates his desire to bond with her, but she has to receive it. If a woman rejects the gesture of קידושין kidushin, the betrothal, they're not married. A man can't marry a woman against her will. So it's not empowering the men over the women, each needs to participate and each needs their consent. קיחה קיחה Kicha kicha, we learn that a man acquires an אשה נקנית isha nikneis, a woman is acquired, in שלושה דרכים shlosha d'rachim, in three ways: בכסף, שטר, וביאה b'kesef, shtar, u'via in the משנה Mishna in קידושין Kidushin. That through a document or a contract, which is not what our modern day כתובה ksuba. כתובה Ksuba is not the contract. כתובה Ksuba are the terms of the obligations, the responsibility, financial and otherwise to the marriage. But it means that in the time of the משנה Mishna, there was the option, the alternative. One could marry through one of three mechanisms. One could either sign a contract, enter a document that they're agreeing to be married, or ביאה bi'a through the act of intimacy, by behaving as a husband and wife, they would be married, or the third alternative, which is the one that we universally follow today, which is כסף kesef. The man gives a woman. We have the practice, בשם תוספות b'shem Tosfos, we give a ring that has no stone because we don't want the woman to get some magnificent stone and accept the proposal assuming she's getting a million dollar ring. It turns out it's a cubic zirconium, it turns out it came from the bottom of the cereal box, turns out that it's worthless, in which case the entire, the entire marriage will be nullified because it was predicated and based on a false, on a false premise. So therefore we have the practice of giving a plain ring, could be made of any material, but without a stone or engraving so that it's very clear to both parties what's being given and what's being received. And through that mechanism, they're married. Where do we learn כסף kesef? So the פסוק pasuk uses the language of קיחה kicha in the context of marriage. And the פסוק pasuk uses the word קיחה kicha here in the context of אברם Avram acquiring a grave, a burial plot for his wife.Where does it say קיחה kicha here? קח ממני kach mimeni. נתתי כסף השדה קח ממני ואקברה מתי שמה nasati kesef hasadeh kach mimeni v'ekberes meisi shama. So אברם Avram says קח ממני kach mimeni. So קיחה קיחה משדה אברם משדה עפרון kicha kicha misdei Avram misdei Ephron, that גזירה שוה Gzeira Shava, the commonality of the word קיחה kicha teaches us that just like אברם Avram purchased acquired the property with money, so too a man betrothes a woman with money. Now I ask you, as somebody who's holding a שטיקל shtickel in this פרשה parsha, is under the חופה chuppah the most, is it the, is it romantic to invoke death? And Mister חתן chasan, you're about to hand a ring to your wife, and when she accepts it, when the bride accepts it, the two of you will be married. And from where do we learn this beautiful bond, this unbreakable connection? We learn it when אברם Avram bought a cemetery plot for his wife. Could there be anything less romantic, less magical, less appropriate for that moment? Imagine the rabbi's speech under the חופה chuppah, get into the intricacies of acquisition, of transaction, קיחה קיחה kicha kicha, it's working, it's acquiring, it's חל chal, just like, what's the פשט pshat?So many have explained that it's exactly appropriate and it's in fact incredibly romantic. Because what we're telling the חתן chasan and כלה kallah, and in our generation we can appreciate this, in our disposable world in which we flippantly and casually reject and dismiss and trade in and upgrade and end and grow bored, we tell the חתן chasan and כלה kallah as they stand under that חופה chuppah, that their intention should be till death do us part. קיחה קיחה משדה עפרון Kicha kicha misdei Ephron, that you're standing as you give that ring is the same level of devotion, commitment, love, in fact only multiplied and greater till death do us part, till the end of life. That's the level of loyalty, the level of devotion, the level of dedication. As I said, in our generation, in our world, we need this message and this idea in which people they don't try, they don't make an effort, they don't give it their all. There are times divorce is appropriate. It's a מצוה mitzvah in the תורה Torah as well. It's not a מצוה חיובית mitzvah chiyuvis, it's not an obligatory מצוה mitzvah, but a מצוה קיומית mitzvah kiyumis that there are, תורה Torah has what to say, not unlike other religions, there are marriages that need to be dissolved, that are not meant to continue together. That too is a מצוה mitzvah. But the mentality, nobody stands under the חופה chuppah with the goal of getting divorced. Nobody stands under the חופה chuppah with the intention of not growing old together. So that language, that notion, till death do us part is a Jewish idea. That's קיחה קיחה kicha kicha. That's what it means that we learn betrothal, we learn the love, the devotion, the dedication, that that connection under the חופה chuppah from the lifelong devotion and dedication of אברם Avram towards שרה Sarah and שרה Sarah towards אברם Avram that till death do us part. And that's the whole opening of our, of our פרשה parsha.Yes. I don't have it. The seat's up here if you want to move up, please feel free.So that's the beginning of the פרשה parsha. The פרשה parsha continues that אברם Avram finishes the שבעה shiva arrangements, the mourning, the grieving for his wife. And immediately ואברם זקן בא בימים והשם ברך את אברם בכל V'Avram zakein ba bayamim v'Hashem beirach es Avram bakol. At that moment אברם Avram feels blessed with everything. We've learned that section in the past, you could listen online if you'd like. But what does it mean? That's also a very peculiar reaction. He gets up from שבעה shiva for the loss of his life partner, of his other half, of his wife, and he says השם Hashem you're amazing, you give me everything. What do you mean you've just taken everything. How could he feel השם Hashem is given everything? He's just taken everything from אברם Avram. We mentioned last week, אברם Avram's life ends for practical purposes with שרה Sarah's death. We don't find any more stories of אברם Avram, the transformational leader. אברם Avram, the charismatic personality, אברם Avram who transforms the world, his career is over. שרה Sarah is not only his other half, שרה Sarah is his better half. She's a greater נביאה Neviah, she's a greater prophetess, and he's incomplete without her and we don't find him any longer on the stage of history with שרה Sarah's passing. אברם Avram essentially is retired. The only other stories we have are his arranging the burial plot for שרה Sarah and finding a wife for his son יצחק Yitzchak. So his life is over. And what's his reaction to his life being over? והשם ברך את אברם בכל V'Hashem beirach es Avram bakol. In fact השם Hashem blesses אברם Avram with everything. Really it's the opposite.You know towards the end of the פרשה parsha, it describes that when יצחק Yitzchak marries רבקה Rifka, וינחם יצחק אחרי אמו vayinachem Yitzchak acharei imo. יצחק Yitzchak is comforted now finally for the loss of his mother. We know רבקה Rifka enters the tent, the miracles that existed due to שרה Sarah's righteousness, those miracles continue. And so יצחק Yitzchak feels whole, he feels complete. Not that one can ever replace a mother, not that everyone can replace someone who's lost, but he's comforted. And רב סולובייצ'יק Rav Soloveitchik points out that we don't find יצחק Yitzchak mourning for שרה Sarah until he marries רבקה Rifka with that comment that now he's comforted. In the beginning of the פרשה parsha, we'll come back to this, יצחק Yitzchak is noticeably absent. Why isn't he with his father acquiring a grave, negotiating, making the burial arrangements, delivering a הספד hesped, a eulogy for his mother, sitting in mourning and grieving and crying? יצחק Yitzchak's name is absent from the beginning of the פרשה parsha. You would expect שרה Sarah dies and it has an enormous impact on אברם Avram and יצחק Yitzchak, and yet we only see אברם Avram. Where's יצחק Yitzchak? Where is he? All right, I'll tell you now.So one opinion is... So the רבינו בחיי Rabbeinu Bachya says, היה כתוב ראוי אמר ויבא אברם ויצחק לספוד לשרה ולבכותה hayah kasuv, roshei omar v'yavo Avram v'Yitzchak lispod l'Sarah v'livkosa. The verse should have described who attends the funeral, who makes the arrangements, how many שבעה shiva chairs need to be delivered to אברם Avram's tent, two. But it doesn't mention it. Should have said יצחק Yitzchak as well. ודאי ראוי היה יצחק לספוד לאמו הצדקת ולבכות עליה V'vadai ro'ui hayah Yitzchak lispod l'imo hatzadekes v'livkos aleha. Certainly יצחק Yitzchak is a good loyal son. He's not going to eulogize his mother, cry for her? הרי חיובו גדול מאד יותר משה באברם שהיא אהבתו אהבה יתירה שידעו סוד דרך הפלא היתה נפשו קשורה בנפשו Hare cheivo bogadol m'od yoser m'sheba'Avram. She'yihavaso avo y'seira she'yoda soa derech hapela hayisa nasha k'shura b'nafsho. In fact, one would have anticipated for whom would the loss be greater? יצחק Yitzchak. His mother שרה Sarah longed for him, waited for him for her whole life, davened for him, and their lives, their souls were intertwined. אבל יתכן לומר שלא ידע יצחק באותו הפרק שמתה אמו Aval yitachein lomar shelo yoda Yitzchak b'oso ha'perek she'meisa imo. Says רבינו בחיי Rabbeinu Bachya a radical פשט pshat. You know why the תורה Torah doesn't mention יצחק Yitzchak? Because he wasn't there. כי לפי שמתתה בשבילו בשמועת עקידה, על כן העלימו ממנו מתתה ולא הגידו לו Ki l'fi she'meisasa b'shvila b'shmua akeida, al kein he'elimu mimenu meisasa v'lo higidu lo. Says רבינו בחיי Rabbeinu Bachya, יצחק Yitzchak why did שרה Sarah die? What was the cause of death? She was scared to death. She had heard that אברם Avram had not only set out on the עקידה akeida, he'd followed through on the עקידה akeida. Her precious, her one and only, the one whom she'd longed for, waited for, and dedicated her life to, יצחק Yitzchak is gone? She had nothing to live for, she died. Could you imagine יצחק Yitzchak carrying that burden? יצחק Yitzchak feeling that guilt that because he cooperated with the עקידה akeida or there was this ציווי tzivui, this command of the עקידה akeida at which he was the centerpiece, that that's why his mother died? And so the decision was made, says רבינו בחיי Rabbeinu Bachya, not to tell יצחק Yitzchak. Not to tell him. In those days it's not that he would make a phone call or a text or an email and miss her. He wasn't in her presence. He didn't know, he didn't need to know. ומן הטעם הזה לא ראינו שיזכירנו הכתוב כלל לא במיתתה ולא בקבורתה U'min hatam hazeh lo re'inu she'yaskirenu hakasuv klal lo b'meisasa v'lo b'kvurasa. גם בעת שנעקד על גבי המזבח לא ראינוהו, שכשהלכו אברם ויצחק להר המוריה, כתוב בחזרה וישב אברם אל נעריו, וראוי שיאמר וישב אברם נערים, לא הזכיר חזרת יצחק Gam b'eish she'ne'ekad al gabai hamizbeiach lo re'inu'hu, she'ki she'holchu Avram v'Yitzchak l'Har HaMoriah, kasuv b'chazara v'yashov Avram el na'arav v'yireh sheyomar v'yashov Avram na'arim, lo hizkir chazaras Yitzchak. Says רבינו בחיי Rabbeinu Bachya, why am I so confident in offering this פשט pshat? Says רבינו בחיי Rabbeinu Bachya, how do I know יצחק Yitzchak didn't know? Because it describes that אברם Avram returns from the עקידה akeida and he takes the lad, נעריו na'arav, not נערים na'arim. It's not in the plural. It doesn't include יצחק Yitzchak. Why? Where is he, יצחק Yitzchak? יתכן שנשאר שם בהר המוריה שלש שנים עד שנשלמו לו ארבעים שנה ונשא רבקה Yitachein she'nishar sham b'Har Hamoriah sholosh shanim, ad she'nishlamu lo arba'im shana v'nasa Rifka. יצחק Yitzchak spent the next three years on הר המוריה Har Hamoriah. We have this image that they go up to the עקידה akeida together, the מלאך malach intervenes, intercedes and says slaughter the ram not your son. They exhale, there's this huge sense of relief and the two walk down the mountain together. Says רבינו בחיי Rabbeinu Bachya that's not an actual picture, accurate picture. It's not what happened. They walk up together and then אברם Avram leaves יצחק Yitzchak. He is a holy offering, an elevation offering, a קרבן עולה korban olah. And he spends the next three years in meditation and contemplation and self-growth on הר המוריה Har Hamoriah, and only when he hits his 40th birthday, we know he was 37 for the עקידה akeida. Again, despite the image that he's some little child, little boy, he's 37 years old. It's around my age, around. Around. Around my age. He's a grown man. 37 years old. יצחק Yitzchak is a major participant. He's not a passive, he's an active participant in this story. רבינו בחיי Rabbeinu Bachya says he stayed on הר המוריה Har Hamoriah for three more years, only descended at 40 and married רבקה Rifka. ונזה לא נזכר שוב עד שהביא לו העבד את רבקה V'neizeh lo nizkar shuva ad she'heivi lo ha'eved es Rifka. That's why we don't find his reappearance. I mean, did it occur to you also later in the פרשה parsha which we're up to that אברם Avram realizes I need a wife for my son? Where is this discussion about your crafting יצחק Yitzchak's שידוך shidduch resume or you're looking through other people's שידוך shidduch resume? Why isn't יצחק Yitzchak in the conversation? אברם Avram recruits, who? אליעזר Eliezer. Where's where's יצחק Yitzchak? We don't hear about יצחק Yitzchak again until אליעזר Eliezer returns with רבקה Rifka. From the עקידה akeida until אליעזר Eliezer comes home with רבקה Rifka, we don't see יצחק Yitzchak. Why? He was on top of the mountain. ואז הזכיר הכתוב שאמר ויצחק בא מבוא באר לחי ראי V'az hizkir hakasuv she'amar v'Yitzchak ba mibo Be'er Lachai Roi. The מדרש Medrash says ויבא אברם מהר המוריה בו שם בעקדה, ופרחה נשמתו, לכן נסמכה מיתתו לפרשת העקדה v'yavo Avram l'Har Hamoriah, bo sham b'akeida, u'farcha nishmaso l'kach mi'smas me'so l'parshas ha'akeida. So רבינו בחיי Rabbeinu Bachya has this very radical פשט pshat that why is יצחק Yitzchak not mentioned in the beginning of the פרשה parsha? Cause he didn't know and he wasn't there. Now obviously he found out. And maybe now it makes sense. He finds out when? He returns, he descends from the mountain to marry רבקה Rifka, and then he's told not only are you marrying רבקה Rifka, רבקה Rifka is taking your mother's place. What do you mean? What happened to mom? Three years ago she didn't survive. You survived the עקידה akeida, she was the victim of the עקידה akeida. If anyone asks you, in the עקידה akeida did anyone die? Was there loss or was there miraculous salvation from השם Hashem with the announcement from the angel? The answer is there was an enormous casualty. It wasn't יצחק Yitzchak and it wasn't אברם Avram and it wasn't even the ram. The casualty of the עקידה akeida, שרה Sarah. שרה Sarah lost her life. So יצחק Yitzchak returns to marry רבקה Rifka and he's told your mother won't be attending the wedding. Three years ago she passed away, we didn't think you could handle it then. And then he brings רבקה Rifka into the tent and maybe now we appreciate more וינחם vayinachem, he's comforted. וינחם Vayinachem, what's the language? וינחם יצחק אחרי אמו Vayinachem Yitzchak acharei imo. That יצחק Yitzchak is comforted for the loss of his mother. Why now three years later? The answer is at least according to רבינו בחיי Rabbeinu Bachya, it's not three years later. The loss is acute, it's immediate, this is when he first learned of it. So when he marries רבקה Rifka, you can't ever replace a mother. You can't ever replace a mother. When he when he marries רבקה Rifka, he feels a sense of comfort because that's exactly when he had found out. Now didn't the אבות Avos observe all of תורה Torah? שמועה רחוקה Shmu'a v'chokai. He had heard later. The שטעם he kept one day of שבעה shiva. The שטעם he kept one day of שבעה shiva because it was a שמועה רחוקה shmua chokai was three years later. Okay, fine. רב סולובייצ'יק Rabbi Soloveitchik has a different answer. Why isn't יצחק Yitzchak mentioned in the beginning of the פרשה parsha? רב סולובייצ'יק Rabbi Soloveitchik has a different answer based on an insight of חז\"ל Chazal. חז\"ל Chazal have a dictum, they have a maxim, they say, it's a גמרא Gemara in סנהדרין כב Sanhedrin Chaf Beis. The גמרא Gemara says אין אשה מתה אלא לבעלה ein isha meisa elah l'vailah. The loss of a person is great. The children feel that loss, siblings feel that loss, רחמנא ליצלן rachmana litzlan, parents, it's not the way of the world, it's not the way it's supposed to be, but parents lose a child, they feel that loss, but nobody feels a loss like a spouse. אין אשה מתה אלא לבעלה Ein isha meisa elah l'vailah. When a person passes, a a piece of the surviving spouse is gone, is missing. A piece of them has died. אין אשה מתה אלא לבעלה Ein isha meisa elah l'vailah. So יצחק Yitzchak is not mentioned why? Not because he wasn't there, and not because he didn't mourn in this interpretation. יצחק Yitzchak's not mentioned in order to communicate, to transmit that the most powerful, profound sense of loss is the spouse. אין אשה מתה אלא לבעלה Ein isha meisa elah l'vailah. In fact, רב סולובייצ'יק Rabbi Soloveitchik says in the beginning of the פרשה parsha, ולבכותה v'livkosa, אברם Avram comes, he eulogizes his wife שרה Sarah and he cries. And רב סולובייצ'יק Rabbi Soloveitchik points out grammatically it should have been written ולבכות עליה v'livkos aleha. He came to cry over her. Why does it say ולבכותה v'livkosa? A transitive verb, the grammatical grammatical implication of a subject and an object. So רב סולובייצ'יק Rabbi Soloveitchik points out why? It should say ולבכות עליה v'livkos aleha. He came to cry over her. ולבכותה V'livkosa grammatically sounds like subject and object. Why? says the רב Rav? Because שרה Sarah was a piece of him. As if שרה Sarah and אברם Avram were the same person. The use of the grammatical structure implies a unity of identity. אברם Avram was not only crying for שרה Sarah, he was crying for himself as if a part of himself had died. אין אשה מתה אלא לבעלה Ein isha meisa elah l'vailah. אברם Avram was crying for her, the loss of her, but with her went a piece of himself. He was mourning himself in another sense as well. With שרה Sarah's death, the מסורה mesora is now entrusted to יצחק Yitzchak. With שרה Sarah's death, אברם Avram leaves the historical arena. He mourned all that he could no longer accomplish. He understood without her he was incomplete. He was no longer that transformational figure, and therefore his legacy was locked, was secure. He mourned her, he mourned a piece of himself that went with her, and he mourned that this was the end of his career. He would continue to live and he would have the merit to see his son married, but that was the end of his career. אין אשה מתה אלא לבעלה Ein isha meisa elah l'vailah. So two opinions at the end. Anyway, all that is by way of asking, what do you mean אברם Avram, השם Hashem... אברם Avram felt השם Hashem blessed, והשם ברך את אברם בכל V'Hashem beirach es Avram bakol. He just lost a piece of himself, his other half, his better half, and now is when he feels loved? So we've discussed this in the past based on the insight of רב קוק Rav Kook. What does it mean בכל bakol? אברם Avram has this ברכה bracha of בכל bakol. And he gives it to יצחק Yitzchak, מכל mikol. And יצחק Yitzchak transmits it to יעקב Yaakov, who says, כל kol. And maybe familiar, that sounds familiar. When do we invoke that ברכה bracha? In בנצ'ינג bentching, we say השם Hashem give us כל kol, and where's where do we get כל kol from? בכל, מכל, כל Bakol mikol kol, cause we have a מסורה mesora, we have a heritage. What is this ברכה bracha of כל kol? So in the past we shared רב קוק Rav Kook's insight, but I saw this morning the אמרי חיים Imrei Chaim, the Vizhnitzer Rebbe. He says the following, he quotes from the ר' ברוך ממז'יבוז' Rebbe HaKadosh of Baruch Mezhbizh. על הכל השם אלקינו אנחנו מודים לך Al hakol Hashem Elokeinu anachnu modim lach. We say in our דאווענען davening, ועל הכל השם אלקינו אנחנו מודים לך v'al hakol Hashem Elokeinu anachnu modim lach. And on everything, השם Hashem our God, we are grateful to you. יותר מכל אנחנו מודים לך על שאתה השם אלקינו Yoser mikol on anachnu modim lach al she'ata Hashem Elokeinu. What is it we're grateful for? על הכל Al hakol, what does it mean to have על הכל al hakol? על הכל, השם אלקינו Al hakol Hashem Elokeinu. If you're our God, we have everything. ועל הכל V'al hakol, it's not that for everything now we're addressing השם אלקינו אנחנו מודים לך Hashem Elokeinu anachnu modim lach, we're describing, we're defining. ועל הכל V'al hakol and for everything and what is everything? What does it mean to have everything? To have everything is השם אלקינו Hashem Elokeinu. What it means to have everything is השם אלקינו Hashem Elokeinu, to have השם Hashem. יותר מכל אנחנו מודים לך על שאתה השם אלקינו Yoser mikol anachnu modim lach al she'ata Hashem Elokeinu. וזהו והשם ברך את אברם בכל V'zehu v'Hashem beirach es Avram bakol. לאברם אבינו היתה הברכה הגדולה יותר מכל והשם, שהשם אלקיו L'Avram Avinu hay'sa habracha hag'dola yoser mikol v'haShem, she'haShem Elokav. אברם Avram had the greatest ברכה bracha, the ultimate ברכה bracha. What's the ultimate ברכה bracha? To live life with a sense, השם אלקינו Hashem Elokeinu, that השם Hashem is my God. No matter what I'm going through, no matter how hard, how challenging, how difficult, how painful, that I'm not alone, that I've not been cast aside, and that it's not random or chance or meaningless, but that everything is by design somehow. And to live life with that faith, על הכל al hakol, what it means to have everything is to have, that השם אלקינו Hashem Elokeinu, that השם Hashem is our God and that השם Hashem is always with us. So it says ודורשי השם לא יחסרו כל טוב v'dorshei Hashem lo yachs'ru chol tov. The פסוק pasuk in תהלים Tehilim, דורשי השם dorshei Hashem, those who are דורשי השם dorshei Hashem, if you acquire after, if you inquire after השם Hashem, לא יחסרו lo yachs'ru, you'll never be missing כל, כל טוב kol, kol tov. שלדורשי השם אף פעם לא חסר כלום, כי כל טוב, הכל טוב אצלם She'l'dorshei Hashem af paam lo chaser klum ki kol tov, hakol tov etzlam. If you're a דורשי השם dorshei Hashem, if in every circumstance and every scenario, the good ones and the bad ones, but you're always searching for the hand of השם Hashem, you're trying to feel his presence, you're receiving his love, you are a דורשי השם dorshei Hashem, then לא יחסרו lo yachs'ru, you'll never be missing כל טוב kol tov. You'll always be able to find the good. וזו ברכתו של השם שהם שמחים בחלקם. והשם ברך את אברם בכל, שתמיד היה אלקיו ולא חסר מאומה, מדת הסתפקות V'zu birchaso shel Hashem she'hem smeichim b'chelkam. V'Hashem beirach es Avram bakol, she'tamid hayah Elokav v'lo chasar meuma, midas histapkus. That what אברם Avram gave יצחק Yitzchak and what יצחק Yitzchak gave יעקב Yaakov and what יעקב Yaakov gave us and what we ask for in our בנצ'ינג bentching is מדת הסתפקות midas histapkus. That השם Hashem, let me feel I have whatever I need. השם Hashem, let me feel that whatever you've given me is what I need. Let me feel no matter what I'm going through that you are, that you are by my side no matter the moment, no matter the challenge, no matter the difficulty. So that's what אברם Avram does. He loses שרה Sarah and immediately he realizes my career is over. I need to pass the baton, I need to transmit the legacy. But my son can't do it alone. He needs to build his own home. For there to be a continuity, he needs to give me אנקלאך eniklach, I need grandchildren and great grandchildren. So immediately after the loss of שרה Sarah, what does he do? Immediately he gets up from שבעה shiva, it's time to make a שידוך shidduch for יצחק Yitzchak. For God's sakes, he's 40 years old. He needs a wife. It's time to come down from the mountain, leave the כולל kollel, it's time to get married. And so אברם Avram immediately begins to send out יצחק Yitzchak's שידוך shidduch resume. It's time for יצחק Yitzchak, it's time for יצחק Yitzchak to get married.This is this is one of the tests of אברם Avram. According to רבינו יונה Rabbeinu Yonah the 10th test was not last week. According to רבינו יונה Rabbeinu Yonah the 10th test was this week. Now רבינו יונה Rabbeinu Yonah does not explicitly say what is that 10th test. We know we have a tradition that there were 10 tests. You go through the תורה Torah, you could even include the מדרשים Medrashim, and there's a fun exercise of trying to identify what are the 10 tests. 10 tests. And the ראשונים Rishonim debate what are those 10 tests. So most have the tradition, the עקידה akeida was the ultimate test. That was the 10th. רבינו יונה Rabbeinu Yonah says no, the 10th one is in פרשת חיי שרה Parshas Chayei Sarah. What is that 10th test in פרשת חיי שרה Parshas Chayei Sarah? So one opinion, רב דסלר Rav Dessler, the מכתב מאליהו Michtav Me'Eliyahu says you know what the 10th test was? Dealing with עפרון החתי Ephron HaChiti. עפרון Ephron was a corrupt used car salesman, no integrity, miserable lowlife manipulative, taking advantage of אברם Avram in his moment of grief and sorrow. While אברם Avram is in his moment of grief and sorrow, would it have been justified to lose his patience with this manipulative corrupt salesman? Absolutely. One would have understood that this bereaved man, broken-hearted man who had just lost his other half, his better half, would lose his cool with this incorrigible lowlife עפרון Ephron, one would have understood. But אברם Avram remains the quintessential mensch. He keeps his menschlichkeit, his דרך ארץ derech eretz, the way he conducts himself with עפרון Ephron even in the most horrific circumstance, says everything about who he is. It says everything about who he is, his menschlichkeit. אברם Avram doesn't turn inward, אברם Avram turns outward, he maintains his menschlichkeit even in that circumstance, and that's the greatest testimony of who he is and that's the test that אברם Avram passes. I was astounded, I I we'll talk about when we get to the beginning of the פרשה parsha, but Sunday tragically I went to New York for a funeral of a incredibly special extraordinary woman in our community, a 33-year-old mother of three who succumbed to illness, and tragic, tragic funeral and loss. Her husband רב גרייזר Rav Grejower, our רבי Rebbe in in the high school, she was a teacher at Hillel Day School. So he first of all, talk about והשם ברך את אברם בכל V'Hashem beirach es Avram bakol that you have בכל bakol if you feel השם Hashem is with you. He didn't he gave an amazing gift to the children of this community. I'm sure he did it intentionally, but I don't know if he appreciates even what a gift it was because the children of the community who've lost their teacher who no one knew she was ill. She suffered for eight years in silence and didn't want to be defined, didn't want to be a source of sympathy or a burden and didn't tell anyone. Literally didn't people did not know. Her students are broken, understandably broken. And many have questions and questions of faith. So רב גרייזר Rav Grejower began his eulogy for her, ויבא לספוד ולבכותה v'yavo lispod v'livkosa and he began before he spoke about her, he said I want to say two things. He said number one, we work for God, God does not work for us. We work for God, God doesn't work for us. And number two, struggling to understand is not the same as struggling to believe. It's okay to be filled with so much pain that it's hard to see or feel השם Hashem. Struggling to understand is not the same as struggling to believe and it's okay to be struggling. And he gave a license, he gave permission. First of all, he obligated everyone to maintain their faith because if he could maintain his faith, אין אשה מתה אלא לבעלה ein isha meisa elah l'vailah, to lose his wife, the mother of his children, and he described in the eulogy in anticipation, his eight and five and three years old, what will their בר ובת מצוה's bar and bas mitzvahs look like and their weddings and so on. And nevertheless, despite that to maintain his faith that we don't God doesn't work for us, we work for him. But also to give a license that just because you're struggling doesn't mean you're struggling to believe. Absolutely extraordinary. That was public. That everybody saw. What they didn't see, I came back Sunday night, and Monday morning I woke up early in the morning to a text from רב גרייזר Rav Grejower thanking me for having come up and and for speaking and that was אברם Avram. When a person is entitled to turn inward, to grieve, to mourn, to even be rude, to be inconsiderate of others because they're so lost in their own loss, to nevertheless maintain that level of menschlichkeit, that's extraordinary. Says רב דסלר Rav Dessler, that was the 10th test of אברם Avram, that even though he's got this manipulative עפרון Ephron, that אברם Avram remained a mensch despite that loss. And שרה Sarah was 127, not 33. And yet the menschlichkeit, that's something which is an enormous, enormous achievement. What menschlichkeit. It's something which is really really extraordinary.There's another interpretation the Slonimer Rebbe says, you know what the 10th test was? When אברם Avram came back and found that שרה Sarah had died. And when he said what happened, what happened was did she have a heart attack, did she have a stroke? What happened? Did she get hit by a car, by a camel, what happened? How did her life end? What happened? And he finds out, how did she die? She heard what you did with the עקידה Akeida.What would have been justified for אברם Avram to feel in that moment? I shouldn't have done the עקידה Akeida. I should have told God no way. Absolutely not. We would have understood if אברם Avram regretted doing the right thing because the right thing cost him his wife.Sometimes people do the right thing in business, in life, and doing the right thing comes at an enormous expense. Despite the greatest hope and prayer that doing the right thing will bring the right result, sometimes doing the right thing doesn't pay. Sometimes doing the right thing makes you pay. And then do you regret doing regret doing the right thing?Says the Slonimer Rebbe, אברם Avram didn't regret the עקידה Akeida. Of course he regretted the consequence, but he didn't regret for one moment doing the right thing. That's his פשט pshat in the in in the דאווענען davening. I think we gave a different פשט pshat in this. והסר שטן מלפנינו ומאחרינו v'haser satan milfaneinu u'meiachareinu last week with לוט'ס Lot's wife turning around we gave a different understanding. Slonimer Rebbe says, הסר שטן מאחרינו haser satan mei'achareinu means when we do the right thing, but we find that it has a wrong consequence or unintended consequence, to never regret doing the right thing. To not regret doing the right thing.הסר שטן Haser satan, remove the שטן satan from before me, remove the שטן satan from behind me, the שטן satan from behind me is the voice that says, you shouldn't have done the right thing, it didn't pay. You see, it didn't pay. Don't regret doing the right thing. That's the voice of the שטן satan, getting you to try to regret. But I saw a third פשט pshat. And I identify with that third פשט pshat right now. And the third פשט pshat, based on Rabbi Soloveitchik, is what is that tenth test for רבנו יונה Rabbeinu Yonah that's in פרשת חיי שרה Parshas Chayei Sarah. And he says you know, אברם Avram comes back from the עקידה Akeida the most intense religious experience one could imagine. He listened to השם's Hashem's command. He looked in his heart, he found, he found the strength and the courage to do what השם Hashem had asked. And after such a heart-wrenching experience, after rising to that unprecedented and unparalleled level to surpass the test of the עקידה Akeida, he now comes back and he has to deal with the mundane. He now comes back and he has to deal with the day-to-day problems of life. He has to haggle and negotiate for a piece of land which by the way, already belongs to him. He has to buy something that he owns. Can imagine losing your patience with that.And he has to haggle, and he has to negotiate with this manipulative person. And then he has to go take care of another mundane thing. The שידוך shidduch resumes. And the תנאים t'naim and the band and the flowers and the menu and the wedding, and the invitations, and all that goes with it and the place cards. Am I leaving anything out? And you can imagine אברם Avram looking up and saying ריבונו של עולם Ribono Shel Olam, give me a break. Give me a break. I passed the highest test, now you're throwing all this. Who wants to go back to the mundane? Who could pay attention to the here and now day-to-day problems or activities or challenges of life for these little things?אברם Avram passes a tenth test says the Rav because he realizes that serving השם Hashem is not only in rising through the once in a lifetime grandiose gesture, we serve השם Hashem in the mundane day-to-day every day. How we behave when we negotiate. How we behave when we're putting together a wedding. Who we are in the day-to-day grind of daily life is as much a test of our faith and our character as when we rise to the extraordinary occasion of the עקידה Akeida. And maybe therefore that is the tenth test for אברם Avram in פרשת חיי שרה Parshas Chayei Sarah, that tenth test of who he will be. After the עקידה Akeida you'd think nothing else matters. Who could concern themselves, who could focus, who could lower themselves to deal with the day-to-day after the עקידה Akeida. But that was the tenth test. And that was אברם's Avram's greatness is that he found that capacity.We go find a wife for יצחק Yitzchak. What is אליעזר Eliezer looking for? There's one quality. It's not that she's a size two. It's not where her brother's in ישיבה yeshiva. It's not how much money the father makes or has in the bank account. Or what kind of car he drives. It's not whether the mother wears a שייטל sheitel to take the garbage out. It's not, what's the only criteria the אליעזר Eliezer is looking for? Which by the way has never been asked of me. I get calls all the time. It's the worst part of the רבנות rabbanut by far. All the שידוך shidduch calls. I'm happy to do it for any of your children and grandchildren, it's just happy to do it, eager to do it, unenjoyable to do it. Is to get to get grilled, to get interrogated. Rabbi, your name is on so-and-so's שידוך shidduch resume. Can I ask you a few questions? If I told you the kind of questions I'm asked, you'd just you want to give up on humanity. You wouldn't you would not believe the kind of questions I'm asked about families. Including inappropriate questions. Are you aware of any medication the boy or girl is on? I'm not. And if I were, would I tell you? Are you aware of mental health? Are you aware of disability? The parents, how's their marriage? Like all kinds of, you can't imagine the level of questions. Financial, mental health, physical, intrusive, inappropriate. I sometimes say to people, I say if I were your rabbi and this was asked and I knew this of you, would you want me to expose that to other people? And they'll ask me all these questions. I've never been on a date with them. I just, they grew up in the community, I know them. I don't live with them. I can't answer these questions. You can't imagine the kind of questions. But isn't it amazing nobody's ever asked me if I came with my camels and we were both thirsty, would she not only give me a drink, would she give my camels to drink? Nobody's ever asked me that. Nobody's ever asked me about the חסד chesed. Appearance, IQ, mental health, lineage, financial position. Nobody's ever said, does she do חסד chesed? Would she also give my camel? Nobody's ever asked that. אליעזר Eliezer doesn't care about anything else. The only thing he cares about is חסד chesed. Would she do חסד chesed? That's the test. And yet by the way there's this really inconsistency because when רבקה's Rivka's presented, she's presented as טובת מראה tovas mareh. אליעזר's Eliezer's explicit. I don't care what she looks like. That's not the criteria. The criteria is, is she a בעלת חסד baalas chesed? And yet when she's presented, she's described as והנערה טובת מראה מאד v'hana'arah tovas mareh me'od. Oh, she is a looker, she's beautiful. What a beautiful woman. That's not what he asked. It's not what he asked. The כלי יקר Kli Yakar is bothered by that. So the כלי יקר Kli Yakar says טובת מראה tovas mareh is not describing her external beauty, it's describing her internal beauty. Nobody ever asked me that either by the way. I don't care externally is she internally beautiful? I've never gotten that one. What size is she internally? No one hasn't been asked yet. והנערה טובת מראה V'hana'arah tovas mareh says the כלי יקר Kli Yakar internal. And with this he explains a חז\"ל Chazal. And I reserve the right to repeat this חז\"ל Chazal in about a week and a half. But he explains a חז\"ל Chazal. The גמרא Gemara says, כל כלה שעיניה יפות kol kallah she'eineha yafos, any any bride who has beautiful eyes, then don't worry about her גוף guf. Any bride who has beautiful eyes, don't worry about her גוף guf, what a peculiar statement. First of all, having beautiful eyes is important but it's one component. If one is concerned about beauty, they don't say I don't care what the rest of her looks like she has beautiful eyes. But even so, why would חז\"ל Chazal praise the most important thing is to have beautiful eyes? So the כלי יקר Kli Yakar explains this מאמר חז\"ל maimar Chazal, he says what it means to have beautiful eyes is not that they're blue or they sparkle or they're green or brown. What it means to have beautiful eyes is they look with an עין טובה ayin tova, a generous eye at everyone else. Is the bride of a generous spirit? Does she give the benefit of the doubt? She's gracious, is she grateful, is she kind, is she giving? If she has beautiful eyes, don't worry about the rest of her body. What it means is, if she has a beautiful soul, the eyes are the window to the soul, if she has an עין טובה ayin tova. So with that the כלי יקר Kli Yakar explains that's what it means. It's not incongruous. אליעזר Eliezer says, of course she should be a beautiful woman for אליעזר Eliezer, but that's not, the beauty is not the number one thing. She has to do חסד chesed. To which the Torah describes, testifies והנערה טובת מראה v'hana'arah tovas mareh. What happened to the internal beauty? The internal טובת מראה tovas mareh is a description of internal beauty. עין טובה Ayin tova is a description of, she was internally a size two. Okay. She comes. The negotiation with לבן Lavan to be able to get רבקה Rivka. They get רבקה Rivka, bring her back, רבקה Rivka and יצחק Yitzchak meet. יצחק בא מבוא באר לחי רואי והוא יושב בארץ הנגב Yitzchak ba m'vo b'er lachai ro'i v'hu yoshev b'eretz ha'negev. Where יצחק Yitzchak is. ויצא יצחק לשוח בשדה Vayetzei Yitzchak lasuach basadeh. יצחק Yitzchak goes out to דאווען daven in the field. Wow, look at the time. יצחק Yitzchak goes out to דאווען daven in the field. I was going to talk all about מנחה Mincha, he דאווענ'ס מנחה davens Mincha. What's so unusual, so special about מנחה Mincha? The most beloved of the prayers. Says that that uh the מדרש Midrash says that מנחה Mincha is so special. Always be careful with מנחה Mincha, it's חז\"ל Chazal in ברכות דף ו' Brachos daf vav. אליהו Eliyahu wasn't answered if not for מנחה Mincha. Not שחרית Shacharis and not מעריב Maariv. מנחה Mincha. The very name for that תפילה tefillah, מנחה Mincha. What does it mean? What is a מנחה mincha? A gift, a present. Why is it called מנחה Mincha? It's a gift or present we present השם Hashem. שחרית Shacharis, time I woke up, it's the beginning of my day. מעריב Maariv, concluded my day, I can reflect. מנחה Mincha is inconvenient. מנחה Mincha is inconvenient. My wife always holds, מנחה Mincha is always at the worst time. I said how could that be? It ranges from 8:15 in the night til 5:00. How could it always be in the worst? It's always the worst time. מנחה's Mincha's always the worst time. We have a joke in our home. I say, the mother saying she has to nurse. A mother's nursing is the response to מנחה Mincha. Because מנחה Mincha is always, I sorry I can't do bath time, I can't do dinner time, I got to go to מנחה Mincha. Got to go to מנחה Mincha. The woman says, I gotta nurse the baby. That's her her response. Anyway, so, so מנחה Mincha is called a מנחה mincha a gift because it comes in the most inconvenient part of the day and we're still prepared to offer it, to give it up to השם Hashem. And therefore it's the highest prayer that אליהו הנביא Eliyahu HaNavi wouldn't have been answered if not for מנחה Mincha. What's יצחק's Yitzchak's תפילה tefillah describe? ויצא יצחק Vayetzei Yitzchak to do לשוח lasuach. שיחה Sicha, what is שיחה sicha? It's a conversation. יצחק's Yitzchak's having a conversation with השם Hashem. It's not prayer, supplication, the distant. It's it's a conversation. ויצא יצחק Vayetzei Yitzchak, he's having a conversation with השם Hashem.אברהם Avraham remarries. אברהם Avraham dies. יצחק Yitzchak is with ישמעאל Yishmael last year we talked about. Why is ישמעאל Yishmael back? ישמעאל's Yishmael's back. Where did he come from? Wasn't he expelled from the home? How did he get back? What did אברהם Avraham do that maintained and preserved the relationship that allowed and enabled יצחק Yitzchak to come back? We spoke about that last year. Okay, let's go back to the beginning of the פרשה parsha.ויהיו חיי שרה מאה שנה ועשרים שנה ושבע שנים שני חיי שרה Vayehiyu chayei Sarah mei'ah shanah v'esrim shanah v'sheva shanim shnei chayei Sarah. The life of Sarah was a hundred years and twenty years and seven years. They were the years of Sarah's life. רש\"י Rashi famously says, what does רש\"י Rashi famously say? לכך נכתב שנה בכל כלל וכלל לומר לך שכל אחד נדרש לעצמו L'chach nichtav shanah b'chol klal v'chlal lomar l'cha shekol echad nidrash l'atzmo. It's very inefficient. It should say she's 127. It says she's 100 and 20 and seven. Why is it written so inefficiently? Because each one is relevant in its own right. בת קוף כבת כף Bas kuf k'vas chaf. When she was a hundred, she was as innocent as when she was twenty. מה בת כף לא חטאה הרי אינה בת עונשין אף בת קוף לא חטאה Mah bas chaf lo chata harei einah bas onshin af bas kuf lo chata. Just like a 20-year-old, you only become accountable at 20. So too, when she was still pure and innocent at 20, at 100 as if she was in 20. ובת כף כבת זין ליופי Uvas chaf k'vas zayin l'yofi. At 20, she was as beautiful as cute, as sweet as when she was a beautiful seven-year-old. שני חיי שרה כולן שוין לטובה Shnei chayei Sarah kulan shavin l'tova. They were all good. What a bizarre comment. כולן שוין לטובה Kulan shavin l'tova? What do you mean כולן שוין לטובה kulan shavin l'tova? Was Sarah's life all good, nothing but good? When she was in a box on the way into Egypt, was it good? When she was barren and suffered with infertility for years, was it all good? She was taken by אבימלך Avimelech, was it all good? When she thought her son was being slaughtered on top of a mountain, was it all good? כולן שוין לטובה Kulan shavin l'tova. All 127 were equally good years. What does that mean? We just identified all of these different all these different milestones in her life which were not good. How could one testify about her that they were all good? So I want to share with you an amazing insight of the דרש מרדכי Drash Mordechai. I saw this ר' יחיאל שכטר Rav Yechiel Schechter shared this. The דרש מרדכי Drash Mordechai was רב מרדכי דרוק Rav Mordechai Druk, who was a מגיד maggid of ירושלים Yerushalayim, a contemporary of Rav Shach's son, the מגיד maggid of ירושלים Yerushalayim, a great מגיד maggid. He's a set of ספרים sfarim called דרש מרדכי Drash Mordechai. And he says the following. What does it mean כולן שוין לטובה kulan shavin l'tova, they were all equally good? זה לא רק שמשלימים עם גזירת השם אלא גם בשעת שמחה מודים להקדוש ברוך הוא באותו עוצמה ובאותו כח כשהם מבקשים מהקדוש ברוך הוא אילו היה חס ושלום צרה Zeh lo rak she'mashlimim im gzeiras Hashem, ela gam b'shaas simcha modim l'Hakadosh Baruch Hu b'oso otzma u'v'oso koach k'shem mevakshim mei'Hakadosh Baruch Hu ilu haya chas v'shalom tzara. He says it means that Sarah lived her life, the intensity in which she connected with Hashem in joy was same intensity with which she connected with Hashem during times of sadness, of need, of struggle. Even in sadness and struggle, her אמונה emunah was as full, was unwavering as it was in the times of joy where everything was going right. כולן שוין Kulan shavin means that שרה's אמונה Sarah's emunah didn't wax and wane. It didn't cycle. She didn't feel close if He was doing good things for her and distanced if He was doing bad things for her. She didn't have sometimes say Hashem is definitely there and sometimes He's not there. כולן שוין לטובה Kulan shavin l'tova. The same word as אברהם Avraham, בכל bakol. They were all equally good, why? השם אלוקינו Hashem Elokeinu. Because she had Hashem in her life, she was able to confront whatever life threw her way and find the good in it and live with a smile and laughter as if it was good because she trusted in Hashem in every circumstance. And listen to what the דרש מרדכי Drash Mordechai says, amazing idea. 100 was like 20. קוף kuf, כף chaf. קוף kuf was like כף chaf. What is קוף kuf is like כף chaf? Says the דרש מרדכי Drash Mordechai, open your תהלים Tehillim, and look at תהלים קוף Tehillim kuf, and look at תהלים כף Tehillim chaf. What is what is תהלים קוף Tehillim kuf? קפיטל קוף Kapitel Kuf, Psalm 100, מזמור לתודה Mizmor l'Todah. Mizmor l'Todah. A psalm of gratitude. מזמור קוף Mizmor Kuf is מזמור לתודה Mizmor l'Todah. And what's מזמור כף mizmor chaf? יענך השם ביום צרה Ya'ancha Hashem b'yom tzara. השם Hashem answer me on the day of my need. And שרה's Sarah's life was קוף kuf like כף chaf. מזמור לתודה Mizmor l'Todah like יענך השם ביום צרה Ya'ancha Hashem b'yom tzara. All seeing השם Hashem, equally intense, equal in their faith, equal in their appreciation and gratitude to השם Hashem, feeling השם's Hashem's presence no matter what. And Danny Grajower, עליו השלום alav hashalom, this woman, is amazing teacher who we lost, was an absolute fulfillment of the same that was said about Sarah. קוף ככף Kuf k'chaf. The last eight years she suffered in ways nobody knew. She went for chemo and radiation and treatments that would have debilitated, knocked anyone else out, made them the recipient of חסד chesed, justifiably, nobody's doing anything wrong or inadequate if that's them. 45 straight days she went to teach and from school went for radiation and didn't miss one day of teaching and didn't tell anyone about this heroic lifestyle because בת קוף כבת כף bas kuf k'vas chaf, she's still דאווענען davening with the same intensity and the same gratitude and the same laughter and the same love and the same faith in השם Hashem. Like שרה אמנו Sarah Imeinu. 100 and 20 and 7, 33, were complete with a sense of unbelievable אמונה emunah and in serving השם Hashem, and only now do people look back and try to see and understand and interpret everything. One of her colleagues told me last night, at Hillel in the mornings in שחרית Shacharis a few times a week teachers rotate saying a דבר תורה dvar Torah to inspire the kids in דאווענען davening. And last year, her speech was all about משיח Mashiach. Within שמונה עשרה Shmoneh Esrei משיח Mashiach, longing for Mashiach, wanting Mashiach, what it takes to bring Mashiach. It wasn't entirely her personality. You wouldn't necessarily tag her as somebody who's going to speak all. He said he remembered thinking like, why is Danny talking, it's not so her to be speaking about Mashiach and wanting and desperate and longing and what it takes. Only now can you look back and see and understand and identify, but that same, that שרה אמנו Sarah Imeinu quality, that only the rare few are able to have of that אמונה emunah, that יענך השם Ya'ancha Hashem, the אמונה emunah in השם Hashem בעת צרה b'eis tzara is the same as in the מזמור לתודה mizmor l'todah. Is the same as in the מזמור mizmor of gratitude and of thanks to השם Hashem. It's incredible, absolutely astounding, incredible, incredible level.פסוק Pasuk describes, why is it ותמת שרה vatamas Sarah? The ספורנו Sforno says, אחר שנולדה רבקה ראויה למלא מקום שרה שנודע לאברהם מתה שרה Achar she'nolda Rivka, r'uyah l'malei makom Sarah, she'noda l'Avraham meisah Sarah. Only when Rivka was born and Avraham knew through prophecy that Rivka's soul has now entered the world, now ותמת שרה vatamas Sarah. אין צדיק נפטר מן העולם אלא אם כן נולד צדיק כמותו Ein tzaddik niftar min ha'olam, ela im kein nolad tzaddik k'moso. זרח השמש ובא השמש Zarach hashemesh u'va hashemesh. Before the sun can set, there has to be a new sun born. So until Rivka's soul had descended to this world, Sarah's soul could not yet ascend on high. So ותמת שרה vatamas Sarah, why did שרה Sarah die now? Because רבקה Rivka had been had been born. ותמת שרה בקרית ארבע היא חברון בארץ כנען ויבא אברהם לספוד לשרה ולבכותה Vatamas Sarah b'Kiryat Arba hi Chevron b'eretz K'naan, vayavo Avraham lispod l'Sarah v'livkosa. She passes away in קרית ארבע Kiryat Arba. Why is it called that? רש\"י Rashi says, על שם ארבע ענקים שהיו שם al shem arba anakim she'hayu sham. There were four giants who lived there or על שם ארבע זוגות al shem arba zugos, there were four couples, four pairs who were buried there, אדם וחוה Adam v'Chava, אברהם ושרה Avraham v'Sarah, יצחק ורבקה Yitzchak v'Rivka, יעקב ולאה Yaakov v'Leah. ויבא אברהם Vayavo Avraham, where'd he come from? He came from באר שבע Be'er Sheva to חברון Chevron to קרית ארבע Kiryat Arba לספוד לשרה lispod l'Sarah to give a eulogy for שרה Sarah ולבכותה v'livkosa and to cry and to cry. רש\"י Rashi says why is he crying? נסמכה מיתת שרה לעקידת יצחק Nismicha misas Sarah l'akeidas Yitzchak, שעל ידי בשורת העקידה נזדעזעה בשחיטה וכמעט שנשכת פרחה נשמתה ממנה ומתה she'al yedei b'soras ha'akeida nizdaz'a b'shchita v'kimat she'nishchat parcha nishmasa mimena v'meisa. As we mentioned, she was scared to death from the עקידה Akeida.ויבא אברהם Vayavo Avraham says the רשב\"ם Rashbam, אפילו לא בא ממקום אחר אף על פי כן ראוי לומר כי בא לסופדה afilu lo ba mimakom acher, af al pi chein ra'uy lomar ki ba l'sofda. He came to eulogize her. הוא בא ויבא אברהם Hu ba vayavo Avraham, he came. Even had he not been coming from elsewhere literally, geographically, it would still be appropriate to describe him as coming from somewhere because when one comes to fulfill this charge to eulogize their life partner, their wife, the mother of their child, the mother of their children, ויבא vayavo. They have to come from elsewhere. You have to put yourself in that place, you have to arrive at that destination, you have to get out of that mentality. Says the רשב\"ם Rashbam, ויבא vayavo, he had to come from somewhere. The כלי יקר Kli Yakar notes, ויבא אברהם לספוד לשרה ולבכותה vayavo Avraham lispod l'Sarah v'livkosa is out of order. It's out of order. As Rabbi Grajower mentioned in his eulogy. The כלי יקר Kli Yakar writes, מילת לשרה אחרת מבן הדבקים, היה לו לומר לספוד ולבכות לשרה Hayah lo lomar lispod v'livkos l'Sarah. It should have said he came to eulogize and cry for Sarah. גם כולו מיותר כי היה לומר לסופדה ולבכותה Gam kulo meyutar ki hayah lomar l'sofda u'livkosa. It didn't even have to say Sarah. Could've just said he came to eulogize and cry for her. גם בכל מקום הבכי קודם להספד Gam b'chol makom ha'bechi kodem l'hesped. And moreover, crying comes before eulogy. וכאן מחליף השיטה V'kan machlif ha'shita. כי בכל מקום גמלים הבכי וזועקים על ההספד Ki b'chol makom gimel ha'bechi v'zoakim al ha'hesped. Normally one cries and then when they can gather themselves, they give the eulogy. Here, Avram gives a eulogy and only after does he cry. ונראה לפי שבכל מת אדם הולך ומתמעט כאביו ועם ימים כל נשכח, צדיק זו בחיו ויומו הרגישו ביושר הדר שלו. Normally the intensity of the loss, it's most acute immediately, and time heals wounds. With the passage of time, one can heal. They're never the same again, but the time is the only thing, as much as we wish we could speed it up, time is the only thing that can heal. So normally you cry and then you eulogize. There's this this cry, this scream with the sense of loss, and then one gathers themselves to be able to offer a eulogy. But in the case of Sarah with the loss of a צדקת tzadekes, you're so stunned, you offer a eulogy, and only then do you realize with the passage of time the impact of this loss, and then you cry. It's out of order because when someone's not so exceedingly righteous, when someone doesn't have such a source of influence and impact, so you cry because they passed, and then you gather yourself and you give the eulogy. But when somebody was so incredible, so irreplaceable, when their influence and impact will so no longer be felt, first you give the eulogy because you're stunned, and only then do you start to cry because with the passage of time you realize just how profound that loss is.Rabbi Soloveitchik also comments and he says, the latter refers to בכי bechi, crying which is indicative of a spontaneous, overwhelming and uncontrollable grief. It's a convulsive and compulsive shriek resulting from pain. The former, הספד hesped, refers to eulogizing and is related to another type, logical judgment. The mourner realizes the extent of the damage inflicted upon him as a result of the death of a member of his household. It's not the sudden emotional confrontation with disaster which is responsible for הספד hesped, but the clear analysis of the disastrous event and its consequences. The mourning at the stage of בכי bechi cannot be verbalized. The grief at the stage of הספד hesped lends itself to objectification through words. The natural order always leads from בכי bechi to הספד hesped. Why did the Torah reverse the same as the כלי יקר's Kli Yakar's question? So says the Rav, Sarah's death was double loss to Avraham. He had lost his beloved Sarah. They had suffered together, praying and waiting for God's promise to come true. Avraham loved Sarah. She lived through all the adventures, all the crises that Avraham had to face. Their life was rich in common experience, two lives merged into one. Avraham cried, the beloved Sarah was snatched away from him. Her אהל ohel, her tent will forever be empty and forsaken. The blow to Avraham as an individual was almost unbearable. It is not הספד hesped, logical interpretation which describes Avraham's state of mind, but בכי bechi, crying, feeling and desolation. However, Sarah was not only Avraham's mate, but his comrade as well. Sarah was his collaborator, co-participant in all the great plans, hopes and visions. Together they discovered Hashem, together they discovered a new morality, together they joined the covenant. In a word, Sarah and Avraham started the מסורה mesorah, the tradition. Not only Avraham taught the people but Sarah as well. Avraham would convert the men and Sarah the women. Now the mother is dead and the מסורה mesorah has a father but no mother. The מסורה mesorah is incomplete. Avraham mourns Sarah in this respect as a colleague, teacher and co-founder of the מסורה mesorah. The grief experience here is classified under הספד hesped, not the hysterical בכי bechi. It portrays a different sort of mourning. Torah tells us Avraham first mourned the death of the mother of the מסורה mesorah and then the death of a lovely wife, without whom his life will be desolate, bleak and dreary. I think this is also very relevant. The loss of Mrs. Grajower, of Danny, is not only the loss of an individual, a wife, a mother, but her role as a teacher in our community, it's not just her three children, but it's hundreds of children she's taught over her eight years in our community who are grief-stricken, who that loss of that model, of that impact is so profound. It's הספד hesped and בכי bechi. It's a personal loss and it's a communal loss on an enormous level, and that's why it's so powerful, so profound, and leaving such an impact and such an impression on us. There's a lot more to talk about. I mentioned in my הספד hesped that the מדרש תנחומא Midrash Tanchuma says, what was the הספד hesped that אברהם Avraham gave for שרה Sarah? אשת חיל Eishes Chayil. That last פרק perek of משלי Mishlei were the words that אברהם Avraham had said. And what was the, what was the, stood out in that הספד hesped? What stood out in that הספד hesped is, this is the מדרש Midrash, דרשה צמר ופשתים darsha tzemer u'fishtim. She sorts out wool from linen. So I guess I'll leave this for you as a homework assignment. Where in Sarah's life did she sort out wool from linen? And why is that the highest praise that when אברהם Avraham gives a הספד hesped for שרה Sarah, and he invokes אשת חיל Eishes Chayil, he says דרשה צמר ופשתים darsha tzemer u'fishtim, she sorts out wool from linen? She what, יצחק's Yitzchak's clothing didn't have שעטנז shaatnez? אברהם's Avraham's clothing, she was a שעטנז shaatnez checker? That's the greatest praise you can you can bestow upon her? It's something much deeper, it's something so much more. I'll leave that for you as your homework, and may it be for next time. Have a have a good week.
