Transcript
Okay, good morning everyone. פרייליכן חנוכה freilichen Chanukah. I want to thank our sponsors this morning. This morning's shiur is generously co-sponsored by Suri Weisfeld Spolter and family in honor of her husband Mordechai Spolter's 40th birthday. By Briana Weinberger, to commemorate the 28th yahrtzeit of her father, לעילוי נשמת מרדכי בן אברהם אלתר leiluy nishmas Mordechai ben Avraham Alter. And who was a נחת nachas and a תוספת יום טוב tosefes yuntif. Okay. And anonymously in memory of רחל לאה בת אביגיל Rachel Leah bas Avigail. So thank you very much to our sponsors. A quick word about חנוכה Chanukah and the end of חנוכה Chanukah, זאת חנוכה Zos Chanukah, and then we'll get into our פרשה ויגש Parsha Vayigash. Tonight is the last night of חנוכה Chanukah. And sadly, for many people, as חנוכה Chanukah continues, it grows old. The first night there's excitement, there's build up, there's anticipation, setting up the מנורה menorah, getting the family together, and eight nights.By the eighth candle, it can get old. But our tradition teaches us the opposite, that actually the eighth night, what was known in particularly חסידישע Chasidisha literature as זאת חנוכה Zos Chanukah, the ליינינג laining tomorrow morning begins, זאת חנוכת המזבח Zos chanukas hamizbeach. זאת חנוכה Zos Chanukah, the eighth night, this is the culmination, this is the essence, this is חנוכה Chanukah, is not the least of the nights, it is actually the culmination, is the greatest of the nights. So tonight, one should not run out of their energy and excitement, but really should come with a renewed sense of enthusiasm and vigor to the end of חנוכה Chanukah. Both according to בית הלל Bais Hillel and בית שמאי Bais Shammai, tonight's the night. Whether you're counting up towards the eighth night or you begin with eight and count down, this is the culmination, this is, this is really what it's all about. We've shared before, the מהר\"ל Maharal explains that in fact חנוכה Chanukah is brought to us by the number eight. Like Sesame Street, חנוכה Chanukah is brought to you by the number eight. We sing in מעוז צור Maos Tzur, we say בני בינה Bnei Vina, men of great understanding established חנוכה Chanukah, people of great insight. And how did they establish it? ימי שמונה Yemei shmona. Not שמונה ימים shmona yomim, not eight days, but ימי שמונה Yemei shmona, days of the number eight. The מהר\"ל Maharal beautifully explains seven is nature, the natural order, the natural world. Eight is one above nature, the supernatural. The essence of this יום טוב yuntif, of this holiday of חנוכה Chanukah that we've been experiencing, the light of the מנורה menorah is to illuminate and enable us to see what's under our nose all along. That even that which looks natural, even that which looks ordinary, is in fact supernatural, is in fact extraordinary. Even the things that look like random or chance or coincidence, we expect them, we anticipate them, we've come to see them as normal, routine, עד שתכלה רגל, הרגל נעשה שוק ad shetichla regel, hergel na'aseh shok. The purpose of חנוכה Chanukah is to break that sense of הרגל hergel, the routine and the pattern, and to break this habit of seeing things as ordinary. חנוכה Chanukah is a time, the light of the מנורה menorah enables us to see just how extraordinary our lives really are, the blessings and the miracles that we have. That's symbolized by the number eight. The rest of the world lives within seven, they live within nature. We are above nature, we live with an eight. And therefore זאת חנוכה Zos Chanukah, the eighth night, is particularly profound, particularly powerful, all eight candles. This is all of חנוכה Chanukah is ימי שמונה Yemei Shmona. Each day of חנוכה Chanukah is brought by the number eight, but this is the culmination. This is really the eighth night. So we should be getting ready for tonight and tomorrow. People light the candles tonight and then by tomorrow, they forgot it's אויס חנוכה ois Chanukah. Not זאת חנוכה Zos Chanukah, it's אויס חנוכה ois Chanukah. They think that חנוכה Chanukah is over. חנוכה Chanukah is not over till שקיעה shkiah tomorrow. Tomorrow is זאת חנוכה Zos Chanukah. It is the הלל Hallel and הודאה hoda'ah, that sense of gratitude and deep appreciation for the miracles בימים ההם ובזמן הזה bayamim hahem u'vazman hazeh, not only in those days but in our time, that continues through tomorrow. פרשת ויגש Parshas Vayigash. Page 250 in the ארטסקרול סטון חומש Artscroll Stone Chumash. פרשת ויגש Parshas Vayigash, the suspense of the story has built up. And of course, none of you know what's going to happen in this week's parsha. It's incredible. The final test, last week when יוסף Yosef accuses בנימין Binyamin of having stolen from him. And this is the great confrontation. Here is the great conflict between יוסף Yosef and יהודה Yehuda. יהודה Yehuda is going to emerge courageous, a leader, bold, and he confronts his brother, not knowing it's his brother יוסף Yosef, saying, \"No, no more. I can't stand idly by. I can't be passive to the plight of my brothers.\" יהודה Yehuda steps up and יהודה Yehuda tries to intercede. We're going to come back and study this part intensely, so let's do the overview of the parsha and then come all the way back to the beginning. יהודה Yehuda confronts יוסף Yosef and יוסף Yosef can't take it anymore. Why exactly couldn't he take it? What could he not take anymore? He's unable to continue to conceal his identity, the charade is over, the gig is up. He has to tell them who he is. Why? What compelled him? What was he unable to hold back anymore? That's what we're going to talk about. So יוסף Yosef reveals himself to the brothers. Very courageous move by the way. What does he do before he reveals himself? He excuses everyone from the room. He says, \"Can I have the room?\" And why did he do that? We'll see. We're going to study in a moment why he did that. But it was a risky move. His brothers have a history of what with him? Violence. They kidnapped him, they stripped him, they threw him in a pit. And he puts himself alone. He tells the guards, his security apparatus, he tells his cabinet, his advisors, \"Leave us alone, give me the room.\" And when he's going to say, \"I'm יוסף Yosef,\" they could lynch him. They could jump on him. It takes a certain amount of courage and yet he does it. Why? To protect and preserve their dignity. He doesn't want to humiliate them in front of others. And we see from here חז\"ל Chazal, how far we have to go in order to protect the dignity of others. What's extraordinary here is how far he goes not to protect the dignity of an average person. He's protecting the dignity of a group of people who tried to kill him. And yet, he is so gracious and so generous and so, has such discipline that he has the wherewithal, the self-awareness, the mindset to clear the room, to say leave me alone. Because that's how far he goes. We see this with יהודה Yehuda and תמר Tamar, when תמר Tamar is willing to be thrown into the כבשן האש kivshan ha'eish. תמר Tamar is willing to suffer capital punishment, the death penalty, before she will reveal יהודה Yehuda and embarrass him. What do both of these cases have in common? The righteousness, the justice is with the person who nevertheless tried to protect the perpetrator. תמר Tamar had every right to reveal יהודה Yehuda. יוסף Yosef had every right to confront his brothers in front of the others. Yet, despite being in the position of righteousness and justice, that's how far they went in order to protect someone from being embarrassed, from being humiliated, because מלבין פני חבירו ברבים malbin pnei chaveiro b'rabim, if you embarrass somebody, מלבין malbin is from the word לבן lavan, it's white. What happens when you embarrass someone? The blood rushes to their face and then drains, they go white, pale, humiliated, embarrassed, ashamed. You've broken them. You've killed them. So תמר Tamar goes to that extent, and here יוסף Yosef risks his own life, not knowing how his brothers will react, but still. Why? So so why did יוסף Yosef do it? Why did תמר Tamar do it? If really they were in the position of what was just, why did they do it? The answer is when we protect somebody else from being embarrassed, are we doing it for them, or are we doing it for ourselves? We're not doing it for the other person. They may be undeserving of it. So why do we do it? Because we need to not be the vehicle, the instrument for having humiliated someone else. Even if they deserve it, the רבונו של עולם Ribono Shel Olam wants them humiliated, he'll orchestrate things for them to be embarrassed. But we don't need to be that puppet, that instrument to embarrass them. So תמר Tamar goes to that great extent and so does יוסף Yosef, not necessarily to preserve the dignity of the other for them, they're undeserving, but for ourselves. It's important for us to remember sometimes we're bruised, our ego, we're hurt, we're damaged financially in a real way by someone else and their behavior, and we're tempted to lash out. We're tempted to embarrass them and humiliate them publicly. And the to remember that it's unbecoming, it's פאסט נישט pas nisht. We we lessen ourselves. It's undignified for us, even if they're deserving of it, let Hashem give it to them another way. יוסף Yosef reveals himself, פרעה Paro joins in the welcome, he introduces the brothers. יוסף Yosef's worlds are colliding here. How long has he been alienated from his family? 22 years. 22 years is a long time. It's not two and a half years, it's not two months, it's not two weeks. 22 years is a generation, it's a lifetime. And here his past and his presence are present, are merging. And he must have been very proud to make these introductions, to show his brothers how far he has come and who he is today, and to show who he is today where he came from, and that he in fact does have a family because for 22 years, we don't know if פרעה Paro ever asked him. You know יוסף Yosef, is your family visiting? Are they coming to see you? Are they coming for your special birthday? Are they coming for your wedding to Osnas? What what's where's your family? We don't know. But finally, פרעה Paro is able, יוסף Yosef is able to introduce פרעה Paro to his family and introduce his family to where he comes from. He gives gifts to everybody, a famous question. Who does he give more gifts to? בנימין Binyamin. And the question is famously asked, לכלם נתן לאיש חליפות שמלות ולבנימין נתן שלש מאות כסף וחמש חליפות שמלות l'kulam nasan l'ish chalifos smalos u'l'Binyamin nasan shlosh me'os kesef v'chamesh chalifos smalos. Everyone else he gave five outfits, five changes of clothing. בנימין Binyamin he threw in 300 shekel of, 300 of כסף kesef. He threw in some cash. Why did he throw in the cash? Has יוסף Yosef not learned the lesson that favoring does not have a good outcome, does not turn out well? Why would יוסף Yosef favor בנימין Binyamin? True, he shares the same mother. The others are brothers from another mother. בנימין Binyamin is his only brother from the same mother. But again, favoring one brother over others is how he got into this problem to begin with. What is he thinking? For another time. יעקב Yaakov now is informed, if one thing you've learned in this class is that we have limited time and we never get to anything we want to talk about. יעקב Yaakov is now informed. That we've talked about in the past too. שרח בת אשר Serach bas Asher is the one who plays the harp, tells יעקב Yaakov, how יעקב Yaakov becomes informed so he doesn't drop dead from the news, even though יעקב Yaakov was שמר את הדבר shamar es hadavar, had never given up hope of being reunited with his son. And he makes his way down. יעקב Yaakov makes his way down with 70 descendants. They arrive in מצרים Mitzrayim, in Egypt. יוסף Yosef ensures that they settle in גושן Goshen. First of all, how is how is יעקב Yaakov told? There's a hint, there's an allusion here in the text in the beginning of פרק מ\"ו פסוק כ\"ז Perek Mem Vav, Pasuk Kaf Zayin. Chapter 46, verse 26, וידברו אליו את כל דברי יוסף אשר דיבר אלהם וירא את העגלות אשר שלח יוסף לשאת אתו ותחי רוח יעקב אביהם Vayidaberu eilav es kol divrei Yosef asher diber aleihem vayar es ha'agalos asher shalach Yosef laseis oso, v'tichi ruach Yaakov avihem. They told, they related to him all the words יוסף Yosef had told them to tell, and when did יעקב Yaakov believe it? When he saw the wagons that יוסף Yosef had sent, ותחי רוח יעקב אביהם v'tichi ruach Yaakov avihem, יעקב Yaakov's spirit returned. You ever see somebody who's lost a child, there's a piece of them which is gone. They're never the same. יעקב Yaakov's spirit is restored, יעקב Yaakov comes back into himself. What caused him to believe? What made יעקב Yaakov come back to himself? Not the words. What was it? Seeing the wagons. What was it about seeing the wagons? So רש\"י Rashi famously tells us, סימן מסר להם במה היה עוסק כשפירש ממנו siman masar lahem b'mah hayah osek k'shepirush mimenu. This was a sign, it was a symbol. What were יעקב Yaakov and יוסף Yosef, whose souls were intertwined, what were they studying and learning, what was יעקב Yaakov transmitting to יוסף Yosef when this episode happened that יעקב Yaakov said, go check on your brothers and next thing you know, 22 years later. What were they learning? פרשת עגלה ערופה Parshas Eglah Arufah, the story of the עגלה ערופה Eglah Arufah. So therefore when יעקב Yaakov saw the עגלות agalos that יוסף Yosef had sent wagons, יעקב Yaakov said, \"Oh, that's the hint. That's how I know it's him.\" I have a friend, someone in the shul who is so paranoid about spam and email, when you forward him an article, unless you say something in the subject line that lets him realize that it's really from you, he won't open it. So you have to say something, allusion to something you've experienced together, conversation you've recently had, something about you, about him, you got to put a hint in the email or he won't open the attachment because he's so paranoid that it's going to be spam. יעקב Yaakov is not believing, 22 years he's longed, he's held out. What causes him to accept in fact יוסף Yosef's alive? Oh, יוסף Yosef said all of this. Oh, and he also wanted you to know he sent these wagons. יעקב Yaakov says, \"Wagons? Oh, that's where we left off. My book is still open, the חומש chumash is still open to the עגלה ערופה Eglah Arufah. That's what we were learning 22 years ago when the episode unfolded.\" So the simple understanding of רש\"י Rashi is, it's a cute allusion. יוסף Yosef came up with the cute hint. What do we have in common? What do only יעקב Yaakov and I know that others don't know? That we were learning the עגלה ערופה Eglah Arufah, that's why he sent in the עגלה ערופה Eglah Arufah. But רב סולובייצ'יק Rav Soloveitchik in his חומש chumash says no, there was a much more significant message that was being communicated here. What was it? Listen to what he writes. Why did יעקב Yaakov overcome his initial skepticism only after he saw the wagons? רש\"י Rashi suggested as evidence it was indeed יוסף Yosef who sent the message. יוסף Yosef instructed the brothers to tell יעקב Yaakov at the time he left they were studying עגלה ערופה Eglah Arufah. What are the laws of עגלה ערופה Eglah Arufah? They are the laws pertaining to the heifer whose neck is broken. The phrase should be interpreted as, and he saw the calves that יוסף Yosef had sent. In reality, the wagons themselves were sent by פרעה Paro, not by יוסף Yosef. The law of עגלה ערופה Eglah Arufah involves the Jewish concept of leadership leaders' responsibility. In the event of an unsolved murder, the elders of the city that is closest to the corpse is obligated to bring a an עגלה eglah into a rough valley or brook. There they break the neck of the heifer and say, our hands, ידינו לא שפכו את הדם הזה Yadeinu lo shafchu es hadam hazeh, our hands did not shed this blood. The משנה Mishna raises the question, is it conceivable these venerable elders would actually shed blood? I mean, think about it for a moment. A corpse is found. It's between cities, we don't know who the murderers are, we don't even know where he came from. How are we going to solve this murder? With a tape measure. We take the tape measure out, and we measure which city he's closest to, this corpse, and then we drag the elders of that city with the walkers and the wheelchairs, we take them out of the בית מדרש beis medrash, we remove them from their בית דין beizdin where they're poskening, we take them out of the physical therapy, and we say, \"Come, elders of the city.\" We're schlepping you to where this corpse was, for this bizarre ritual, we take an animal and break its neck in a valley. And the elders of the city, part of the process, part of the ritual is that they say, \"We hereby admit, we hereby proclaim, we're not the murderers. There's no blood on our hands.\" Did anyone suspect there was blood on their hands? They could barely lift a cup of coffee. They're lifting the knife, they're lifting the axe. They couldn't exactly flee from the murder scene with a speed and alacrity and avoid the police. So these, the elders of the city have to say, we didn't lift it. What the Torah means says the rav, is that the elders of the community did not send this wayfarer away without food, nor did they allow him to leave the community unaccompanied. What were they really confessing? What were they admitting? What were they proclaiming? That we didn't let this individual go without לויה levaya, without without being מלוה melaveh him from our home. We see from here the great significance. It's wonderful what you serve the person at the dining room table, but did you walk them out? And the image of walking someone out is that you're not expelling them from your home into an exile of loneliness and you are on your own. לויה Levaya is really accomplished not only when you walk the person out, you send them with a goody bag. You send them with provisions. Where's your journey? How far are you going? Do you need me to walk you there? Do you need some food for the trip, for the flight, for the train ride? What do you need? What you're showing is that you care about the person not only while they were a guest in your home, but you continue to care about their next step, their next stop, and their future. What these elders were saying is we didn't send them unaccompanied. It's almost frightening to consider how much the Torah demands of the leader. Obviously, the leader is responsible for all his actions. His judgment must be proper, he must not accept bribes, he must act in accordance with the principles of justice and charity. In addition, however, the leader is also charged with responsibility for people and events which seem far removed from his concerns. And that's the message of the עגלה ערופה Eglah Arufah. If the people of the city are not being מלוה melaveh their guests out, it's on the leader's head. The leader has not educated, has not inspired them properly. יעקב Yaakov knew that יוסף Yosef was destined for power. He therefore took care to study the morality of leadership and power with יוסף Yosef. The fact that they were studying עגלה ערופה Eglah Arufah meant, what were they studying? Leadership 101. The message that they were studying עגלה ערופה Eglah Arufah was not esoteric. They were studying leadership 101. יעקב Yaakov was now trying to determine if both his son and his disciple were still alive. A ruler of Egypt, he thought, must certainly be assimilated into the general pagan society. יעקב Yaakov could not believe that יוסף Yosef had preserved his spiritual identity and remained loyal to the teachings he had absorbed in יעקב Yaakov's household. Now, when the brothers related the last lesson יעקב Yaakov and יוסף Yosef had shared, he realized יוסף Yosef remained his disciple as well as his son. He believed them that יוסף Yosef is still alive. But is it my יוסף Yosef? Is it the יוסף Yosef who sat and learned with me in חברותא chavrusa? Is it the יוסף Yosef who soaked up my message, my values, my teachings? Or is יוסף Yosef alive, but it's an all new יוסף Yosef who I've never met. An assimilated יוסף Yosef, a יוסף Yosef who I don't know. יוסף Yosef is going to reciprocate this. יעקב Yaakov's suspicion, glad that יוסף Yosef is biologically alive, יוסף Yosef, the biological person is alive, but is יוסף Yosef the personality I knew still alive? What does יוסף Yosef ask the brothers when he reveals himself? אני יוסף, העוד אבי חי Ani Yosef, ha'od avi chai? First thing he says is, I'm יוסף Yosef. Is? He doesn't say is father still alive. He doesn't say is our father still alive. What does he say? My father. First of all, why is that a peculiar question to ask? Because what did יהודה Yehuda say a moment ago? When יהודה Yehuda confronts יוסף Yosef he says, you must send בנימין Binyamin back. I cannot go back to my father without him. My father's gonna die, he's an old man. If I don't come back with בנימין Binyamin, it'll be the end of him. You must release בנימין Binyamin because my father who's alive and who I cherish, I have to, I can't come back without him. יוסף Yosef says, I can't hold back anymore. I'm יוסף Yosef. Is my father still? What do you mean is your father still alive? The whole argument יהודה Yehuda just gave was for your living father that he'll surely die if you don't give בנימין Binyamin back. So why would יוסף Yosef ask a question he knows the answer to? אלא מאי Ela mai, what do you see? יוסף Yosef did not know the answer to his question. His question wasn't is our father still alive. That יהודה Yehuda had just answered. What was his question? Is my father still alive. My father. I know that the old man, יעקב Yaakov, is alive, you just said that. But is the יעקב Yaakov whose נפשו קשורה בנפשו nafsho kshura b'nafsho, whose soul was intertwined with mine, who gave me that coat, who tried to pass me the baton, who transmitted to me his tradition, who cherished our relationship, who sat me on his knee and taught me everything he knew. העוד אבי Ha'od avi, is my father? Has he given up on me? Has he forgotten me? Has he turned his love and affection to someone else? Or is my father still alive? So you see that despite the 22-year separation, even when each finds out that the other is alive, that's not good enough. They don't crave to know the other's alive, they crave the love, the affection, the warmth, the relationship that they once had. יעקב Yaakov now comes down to מצרים Mitzrayim with 70 souls, and he sees יוסף Yosef and what does he say? This unusual language. אמותה הפעם, פרק מ\"ו פסוק ל Amusa hapa'am, Perek Mem Vav, Pasuk Lamed. Chapter 46, verse 30. ויאמר ישראל אל יוסף Vayomer Yisrael el Yosef, יעקב Yaakov arrives to see his יוסף Yosef and he says, אמותה הפעם אחרי ראותי את פניך כי עודך חי Amusa hapa'am, acharei re'osi es panecha ki odcha chai. Now I can die. Now that I've seen your face, now that I've seen you're alive, now that I know that you're okay, now I can die. Why? First of all, it's a bizarre language. And רש\"י Rashi points out, what does it mean אמותה הפעם Amusa hapa'am? פשוטו כתרגומו ומדרשו סברא יסד לומר שתי מיתות בעולם הזה ובעולם הבא, שנשתלקה ממני שכינה pshuto ki targumo u'midrasho savra yisad lomar shtei misos, b'olam hazeh u'v'olam haba, she'nistalka mimeni shchina. I thought I was going to die twice, once in this world, my physical death, and once in the world to come, that I was going to die because the שכינה shchina, Hashem's presence has been taken from me. הייתי אומר שיבעין בו הקדוש ברוך הוא מיתת שכרך Hayisi omer sheyiba'ein bo Hakadosh Baruch Hu misas sacharcha. I thought that I was responsible for your death. עכשיו שעודך חי, לא אמות אלא פעם אחת Achshav she'odcha chai, lo amus ela paam achas. But now that I see you're alive, I'm only going to die once. What does that mean? How do you die once, how do you die twice, what does it mean to die more than once? What is רש\"י Rashi talking about? What was יעקב Yaakov talking about? Now that I see you're alive, I can die only once. I think I mentioned this to you last year, a couple of years ago as well. What does it mean to die twice? It means that we have a physical life, we're physical beings, our soul is housed in our body for a temporary, very finite, very fleeting period of time. 70, 80, 90. Yesterday I saw a friend of mine from New York who came down, he was visiting his grandfather, who was at the next table, he introduced me. He came down for his grandfather's 99th birthday. I said, \"Wow.\" His grandfather looked, קיין עין הרע kein ayin hara, robust, healthy. He said, \"Oh yeah, he still drives.\" Drives, he's active, he's unbelievable. 99, קיין עין הרע kein ayin hara, 99 years old, Boca Raton, the fountain of youth. So they have, on the one hand, you have a physical life. Some people 99, 120 years old, Rav Shteinman zatzal, 104 years old. The soul is housed in the body, for lucky on average, תהלים Tehillim tells us 70 years. If we're really lucky, 104 plus years. And a soul is extracted from the body, the body goes back to the earth and the soul goes back upstairs. But we have another life, which is our immortal life, our eternal life. And that is the status of our soul in perpetuity. Where exactly are we sitting in the great coliseum upstairs? Do we have a front row seat? Are we in the nosebleed section? Are we outside trying to scalp tickets to get in? Where exactly is our seat is determined by the life we led in this world, but it's determined not only by the life we led, the only way we can improve our seating in the world to come is how? When we're in the world to come, we no longer have free will, we no longer make choices. The soul exists outside of the body. הקדוש ברוך הוא Hakadosh Baruch Hu, the רבונו של עולם Ribono Shel Olam is no longer concealed, he is revealed, he's accessible, it's undeniable that he's there. And therefore there's no free will. Free will only exists in a world where you could deny Hashem. And that's what makes the fact that we have choices meaningful and valuable. So what's the only way to improve your seating upstairs? How do you sneak down to a closer seat upstairs? The only way is the return on the investments you leave in this world. You can't make choices anymore once you get up there. That's why we've been saying in הלל Hallel every morning, לא המתים יהללו יה lo hameisim yehalelu ka. We don't glorify death. We don't look forward to death. We hesitate, we push off death as much as possible. This is the world of meaning. This is where we make choices. This is where it's all about. The next world, we have the results of the choices we made here. The only way that we can move in the next world is if we invested properly in this world, you still get your dividends. You still can continue to collect on the investment. What are the investments we make in this world? Our children and our grandchildren, our great-grandchildren, our neighbors, our nephews and nieces, the community, the good deeds, the impact that we had. So that what we inspired and motivated and taught people that we leave behind our legacy, and they act in a way which is a positive reflection on us, those are dividends which we reap. יעקב אבינו Yaakov Avinu says, \"I thought יוסף Yosef was gone. I thought I was gonna die not only in this world but the world to come.\" But I see that יוסף Yosef is still alive. I'm leaving a proper legacy. What did he mean by that? What was his fear about יוסף Yosef? Never mind a child who's assimilated, who's intermarried, who moved to Egypt, who's gone, who's lost to me, whose children won't be Jewish, won't lead richly Jewish lives. And when he discovers that יוסף Yosef is still part of the program, more than a program than ever, and that he's succeeding in raising אפרים Efraim and מנשה Menashe in Egyptian culture. One of the reasons that we bless our children כאפרים וכמנשה k'Efraim v'chi'Menashe, not like משה ואהרן Moshe v'Aharon or אברהם ויצחק Avraham v'Yitzchak or יוסף Yosef and the brothers, we bless them like אפרים Efraim and מנשה Menashe is, אפרים Efraim and מנשה Menashe are the first born in exile who hold on to their Judaism, who don't assimilate. And that's our dream and our wish and our ברכה bracha for our children. Despite the challenges of being raised in the exile of this world, to nevertheless like אפרים Efraim and מנשה Menashe hold on to their identity. The רב rav writes about this. רש\"י Rashi comments had יוסף Yosef died, יעקב Yaakov himself would have died twice, both in this world and the next. יעקב Yaakov's task was to raise 12 sons who would ultimately become כנסת ישראל Knesses Yisrael. כנסת ישראל Knesses Yisrael is a confluence of talents, of approaches, of thoughts, of emotion. Without all 12 components, כנסת ישראל Knesses Yisrael would never arise, and יעקב Yaakov's purpose would remain unfulfilled, he would have died in the next world. So that's what he means by אמותה הפעם Amusa hapa'am. Let's finish up our overview because we're already out of time. So יעקב Yaakov comes down, יעקב Yaakov and פרעה Paro meet. We've spoken about this at length, you can listen online. It is the most pedestrian conversation you've ever seen. The leader of the spiritual world leads meets with the leader of the world, and if you could be a fly on the wall, you would eagerly want to eavesdrop in on that conversation. What are they talking about? Solving world peace, global warming, economic issues, how to stop Iran, what were they talking about? You know what they're talking about? The conversation is as pedestrian as you can imagine. פרעה Paro says, \"Woo, you look old. How old are you? כמה ימי שני חייך Kama yemei shnei chayecha?\" יעקב Yaakov says, \"I look old because I've had a tough life. I'm 130, but my my life has been really rough. מעט ורעים היו ימי שני חיי Me'at v'ra'im hayu yemei shnei chayai.\" יעקב Yaakov then gives a ברכה bracha to פרעה Paro and ויצא vayetzey, end of conversation. We've talked about at length what was really going on in that conversation. You could listen online. יוסף Yosef and the famine. Where do the brothers settle by the way when they come down? They settle in גושן Goshen. Why does יעקב Yaakov steer יוסף Yosef rather steer them to גושן Goshen? Why was it necessary for יוסף Yosef to coach his brothers? He tells the brothers, when פרעה Paro is going to ask what you do for a living, do not say that you're accountants and hedge fund managers and stock brokers. Here's what you're gonna answer him. You know what you're gonna tell him? You're a shepherd. Why is יוסף Yosef coaching his brothers? Don't tell them that you're the senior partner in the law firm. Don't tell them that you're the number one doctor in Boca Raton. Don't tell them. You're a shepherd, that's what you are. Okay, let's practice. Nice to meet you. What do you do for a living? We're shepherds. Why was it so important for יוסף Yosef to coach them on what they do for a living that they're not lawyers and doctors and accountants and shepherds? Says רב סולובייצ'יק Rav Soloveitchik, why? פרעה Paro suspected that each of יוסף Yosef's brothers was as intelligent as יוסף Yosef. He wanted to disperse them throughout the country to become asset assets to Egyptian society. He says if each of you are half as smart as יוסף Yosef, you're going to help the economy. I'm going to spread you out, and you're going to have this enormous impact. Lawyers and doctors and accountants, businessmen, hedge fund managers. Under such circumstances, יוסף Yosef feared his brothers would assimilate among the Egyptians. He instructed his brothers to tell פרעה Paro they were cattlemen and shepherds. They would not give up their vocation. It was the family tradition. since herding sheep was frowned upon in Egyptian society, פרעה Paro would be unable to scatter them. He puts them in the suburb called גושן Goshen, they have a Jewish settlement, they're able to live there in the Jewish ghetto and they're able to fight off assimilation. When we live in the metropolis, when we live in the city, when we integrate too fully, it opens the door to assimilation. יוסף Yosef understood that. If they were to preserve their identity, they would have to settle in the suburb, create a Jewish community, and be able to to build their own identity. Okay, let's go back to the beginning of the פרשה Parsha, which is really how I want to start. And I want to start with the following thought to explain to you why it's so important to dissect and analyze and understand this passage. It's an insight from the מודז'יץ-רבי Mudzhitzer Rebbe. When יוסף Yosef and בנימין Binyamin finally meet, what does the פסוק pasuk describe? יוסף Yosef and בנימין Binyamin meet and they embrace one another. And what does the פסוק pasuk say? Page 254. פסוק י\"ד Pasuk yud daled. ויפל על צוארי בנימין אחיו ויבך ובנימין בכה על צואריו Vayipol al tzavarei Binyamin achiv vayevk, u'Binyamin bacha al tzavarav. יוסף Yosef collapses on the neck of his brother בנימין Binyamin and cries, and בנימין Binyamin cries on יוסף's Yosef's neck. So, on the simple understanding, it's a very beautiful image. These two brothers, who are brothers not only from the same father but from the same mother, who were far apart in age, who יוסף Yosef has longed to spend time with and to want to feel he's protecting, finally are united. And what do they do? They collapse in one another in this expression of loyalty and affection and they cry on each other's neck. They're real men, they're not afraid to cry. It's a very beautiful, beautiful image. And then רש\"י Rashi comes along and he ruins it. רש\"י Rashi ruins it. What were they crying about? Not just two grown men in touch with their feelings who finally are releasing 22 years of anguish, who are crying in happiness of being together. We're Jews, so we have to make everything sad and somber and tragic. And רש\"י Rashi says, no, what were they crying about? על שני מקדשות שעתידין להיות בחלקו של בנימין ובסופן להחרב Al shnei Mikdashos she'asidin l'hiyos b'chelko shel Binyamin u'v'sofan l'heicharev. יוסף Yosef is thinking about, you know, there's gonna be two בתי מקדש batei mikdash, they're going to be built in the territory of בנימין Binyamin, and נבך nebach, they're going to be destroyed. So instead of thinking, wow, happy, reunited, amazing, it's like when Jews get together. Are you excited? It's your grandchild's wedding. But my hip is killing me and my knee, and you should know what happened last week. Be happy. Why can't they just be happy? They're united, reunited after 22 years of alienation. Be happy, be thrilled. Cry from tears of joy. It's kind of bizarre. Instead of crying from happiness, 22 years after estrangement, they're crying for something which is not going to be built for a long time, let alone destroyed. So they're crying for the future, for something that's not even yet built? What's going on here? רבי ישראל טאוב Rav Yisrael Taub, the first מודז'יץ-רבי Mudzhitzer Rebbe, זצ\"ל zatzal, in the ספר דברי ישראל sefer Divrei Yisrael has a magnificent interpretation. He says יוסף Yosef and בנימין Binyamin, the only two sons of both יעקב Yaakov and רחל Rachel, embraced and cried. It was in fact bittersweet tears. Why? After all, they were so thrilled to be reunited on the one hand, but at the moment that they were reunited, what thought struck them? The realization of what had kept them apart. And what had kept them apart? Why were they separated? Why were they estranged? What was it? Two words? שנאת חינם Sinas chinam. And at that moment that they realized, wow, the baseless hatred, the judgment, the marginalization, the rejection, the holier than thou, the competition that had caused this entire rift, true, we've healed it for the moment, but this quality unfortunately is going to continue beyond us. And in fact, the שנאת חינם sinas chinam is not only going to continue, this animosity, this jealousy, this enmity among brothers is going to repeat itself again and again among our descendants. And they saw that this character trait, this intolerance, this judgmentalness, this dismissiveness is going to be the root of the destruction that's going to undermine our people. What it means that יוסף Yosef saw the two בתי מקדש batei mikdash that will be destroyed, why would they be destroyed? Because of שנאת חינם sinas chinam. He knew that what he had just experienced, he wishes that he could bury it forever, done, solved, cured, healed. He wishes, but at that moment there's a realization that it's not. It's just going to hibernate temporarily. And it's destined to rear its ugly head again. And when it does, the Jewish people will be exiled from our land. There'll be a horrific, horrific destruction of our בתי מקדש batei mikdash. I'm sharing that as an introduction to this section because understanding what went wrong with the brothers and understanding right now what goes right, maybe not fully right, but more right, is critical for our times to heal the שנאת חינם sinas chinam in our times, which only continues, which only tragically continues. We absolutely bring about our own, we sabotage our own success. We get in our own way. The only time that we can do well is when we have shared enemies from the outside. And when the enemy from the outside is quiet, we find a way to kill one another from the inside. Tragic, tragic, tragic with judgment. Rav Steinman, the great גדול gadol, passed away last week, and I gave a drasha, I spoke about how he was a great leader for all of כלל ישראל Klal Yisrael, for the whole תורה Torah community, whichever segment of the תורה Torah community you consider yourself part of, we should all recognize when there is such a loss. But you know, somebody sent me yesterday a poster that was hung in Israel, the faction who, not on the left, who thought Rav Steinman was too חרדי charedi, but there's a faction of fanatics on the other side who thought because Rav Steinman supported certain people to serve in the חרדי charedi unit of the army if they weren't cut out for learning, you should see this poster. Thank God the רשע rasha is dead and dancing on his grave and unimaginable. And we wonder how there's no בית המקדש Beis Hamikdash. We wonder. The different factions, the different groups, and the who's who and so on and so forth. So I think the way that the reconciliation takes place here can be instructive and revealing for us in terms of the work that we have to do in our generation. We could point fingers at others. The שנאת חינם sinas chinam problem is the right. The שנאת חינם sinas chinam problem is the left. The שנאת חינם sinas chinam problem is there. It can only start with ourselves. We can't fix other people, we can only fix ourselves. If each of us is committed to behave and act in that way, in the proper way to heal the problem, then please God the problem can be fixed. So let's go back. ויגש אליו יהודה Vayigash eilav Yehuda. יהודה Yehuda approaches, יהודה Yehuda approaches יוסף Yosef. יהודה Yehuda approaches יוסף Yosef. How does he approach him? How does he approach him? Go back to the very beginning of the פרשה Parsha, page 250. ויגש אליו יהודה ויאמר Vayigash eilav Yehuda vayomer. I'm not going to say my favorite ווארט תורה vort Torah. The three times ויגש Vayigash, the three steps, you know. יהודה Yehuda shows the courage and he comes and he comes forward. What is יהודה's Yehuda's intention when he comes forward? What by the way might have led יהודה Yehuda to come forward more than any of the other brothers? What did יהודה Yehuda understand about about his father's pain that no one else understood? The לב אליהו Lev Eliyahu explains, the לב אליהו Lev Eliyahu explains that יהודה Yehuda was able to feel something for his father that none of the other brothers could feel. You know what that's called? Empathy. Everyone else felt sympathy. יהודה Yehuda felt empathy. What's the difference between sympathy and empathy? I refer to a you to a brilliant talk at the women's health and הלכה halacha day by yours truly. Just joking. You're not so brilliant. But it was about how to be a good friend to a friend in crisis. You can listen on YU תורה YUTorah. And we quoted the we showed the researcher Dr. Brené Brown. The difference between sympathy and empathy. Sympathy is I see your pain. I identify it. I feel bad that you're going through it. I wish I could relieve you of it. But you're there and I'm here. Right, the imagery she has in this amazing video is you feel dark, you feel that you're down in a dark dungeon, suffering, in pain, lonely. Sympathy is I look at the hole down to the dungeon and I call out, wow, it looks cold and dark and painful down there. My heart goes out to you. I'm so sorry you're suffering. Empathy is you climb down the ladder and sit next to the person in the dungeon. That's empathy. Why is יהודה Yehuda capable of feeling empathy for his father, יעקב Yaakov, when the brothers are not? Because יהודה Yehuda had lost his wife. He knew pain and tears. For 22 years, he suffered greatly. His wife died, as did two sons. תמר Tamar, his daughter-in-law, was stranded, like an עגונה agunah, desperate to have children, continue a name, unable to. He erroneously sentenced her to death, publicly had to declare his mistake. He understood. He buried two children. He understood יעקב's Yaakov's pain that יוסף Yosef was missing, שמעון Shimon was missing, and now בנימין Binyamin is missing. All the other brothers felt sympathy, and sympathy only takes you so far. Empathy gives you the courage to stand up and confront and make a difference. And that's exactly what יהודה Yehuda is willing to do. רבינו בחיי Rabbeinu Bachya says the word ויגש Vayigash can mean three things. This is not, usually we go through the מפרשים meforshim in the חומש Chumash. I'm gonna tell you a lot of things on the outside today. רבינו בחיי Rabbeinu Bachya writes in פרק מ\"ד, פסוק י\"ח Perek Mem Daled, Pasuk Yud Ches, it's not in your מקראות גדולות Mikraos Gedolos, רבינו בחיי Rabbeinu Bachya writes, מצינו לשון הגשה משמשת לשלשה דברים Matzinu lashon hagasha m'shameshes l'shlosha devarim. We find the word ויגש Vayigash to approach can connote three different things: דין, ופיוס, ומלחמה din, u'piyus, u'milchama. It can mean three things. It could mean justice, to appease, or to fight, war, military confrontation. And רבינו בחיי Rabbeinu Bachya quotes the פסוקים psukim that show that the word ויגש Vayigash, הגשה hagasha, is used in all three contexts. What that means to say is that when יהודה Yehuda stepped forward, he wasn't sure what he was going to do. He knew he had to confront this leader. He knew there was no way, his empathy drove him. There was no way he could go back without בנימין Binyamin. But he didn't know how he was going to do it. Would it be with דין, פיוס, ומלחמה din, piyus, or milchama? What would it take? Fighting for justice, smooth talking, persuading, appeasing him, or מלחמה milchama? He was ready for a fist fight. He was ready to risk his life. He knew he couldn't go back without the brother, but he didn't know what it would take. And he was prepared to do whichever one ultimately it was going to take, whichever one it would be. What were יהודה Yehuda and יוסף Yosef arguing about? So at first glance, what they're arguing about is בנימין Binyamin. You understand, for יוסף Yosef, everything is orchestrated exactly. The רמב\"ן Ramban understands this entire episode because it's very hard. יוסף Yosef, was he cruel? His own brothers, his own flesh and blood, no matter what their history is, to play this charade, to put on this act. Why is he not revealing himself? And doesn't he want to see his father again? It's a complicated סוגיא sugya. We've shared before הרב יואל בן נון's Rav Yoel Bin-Nun's interpretation. יוסף Yosef remains suspicious that his father was part of the whole plot. Why would he be suspicious his father was part of the plot? Who sent him out to go find the brothers when they kidnapped him and sold him? His father. And would it be unusual in their family narrative for his father to have done that? He knew where he came from. He knew that אברהם Avraham, he knew that his great grandfather had kicked out his great uncle ישמעאל Yishmael. He knew that his grandfather יצחק Yitzchak had kicked out his son עשיו Esav. And what he was learning is in the birth of this Jewish people, in the birth of this new nation, every generation has the chosen one and the rejected one. So it made sense. אברהם Avraham chose יצחק Yitzchak, rejected ישמעאל Yishmael. יצחק Yitzchak chose יעקב Yaakov, rejected עשיו Esav. My father, I guess I'm the ישמעאל Yishmael, I'm the עשיו Esav. And what only validated that fear? His father's the one who sent him out. Why would his father send him out? So יוסף Yosef sits there, still not knowing if his father was part of orchestrating this entire thing. But the רמב\"ן Ramban assumes that יוסף Yosef is trying to bring his dream to a reality. He's trying to orchestrate things to this incredible extent. In fact, the משך חכמה Meshech Chochma writes on our פרשה Parsha that יוסף's Yosef's original plan was to get יעקב Yaakov down to Egypt before he would reveal himself. לא יכול לספק Lo yachol l'sapek, the fact that he couldn't hold himself back anymore, the משך חכמה Meshech Chochma says, what does it mean? What was he holding him back from? Maybe this was the time to reveal himself. Why was he trying to hold himself back? Says רבי מאיר שמחה מדבינסק Rav Meir Simcha of Dvinsk, the משך חכמה Meshech Chochma, he was holding himself back because his original plan was to get יעקב Yaakov down to Egypt too before he revealed himself, the big reveal. Why? Says the משך חכמה Meshech Chochma, along the lines of the רמב\"ן Ramban, he was trying to make his dreams come true. Who in his dream, in addition to the 11 stars that were bowing down? Who else was bowing down? The sun, the moon, יעקב Yaakov also was bowing down. He was bringing everyone down to fulfill God's vision for what was supposed to be with this family. That what she couldn't restrain himself, he couldn't hold back anymore, was even before יעקב Yaakov came down, he couldn't see it all the way through. He couldn't see it all the way through. So the simple understanding of the text is that there's this battle over בנימין Binyamin. Even simpler understanding of the text is, יוסף Yosef wants to forgive his brothers, but he can't forgive them until he sees what about them? Have they changed? Have they grown? Are they the same? Will they do this again? And how does he test them to see? What is the perfect test? By holding back בנימין Binyamin. בנימין Binyamin is the closest to יוסף Yosef. They have the same mother. So by holding back בנימין Binyamin and seeing, will they abandon him in the pit, the way they abandoned me in the pit and walked away? Will they move on? Or will they step up? Will they advocate? Will they fight for a brother? And when יהודה Yehuda is willing to fight for a brother, that's when יוסף Yosef can't hold himself back anymore. That's when יוסף Yosef reveals himself. So at the simplest level, this is a story of sibling rivalry and reconciliation. At a higher level, it's יוסף Yosef coordinating events to fulfill the dream, the prophecy, the vision that God had created, had created for him. Even more so, even more so. There was a reason I was telling you all this. What was I getting at? Oh, sorry. Another level. The debate, the מחלוקת machlokes between יוסף Yosef and יהודה Yehuda goes even further. Last week we talked about, or two weeks ago, לא יכלו דברו לשלום lo yachlu dabro l'shalom, they couldn't even say שלום עליכם shalom aleichem to one another. הנה בעל החלומות Hinei ba'al hachalomos, here comes the dreamer, they wouldn't even use his name. They had become the other. There was such hatred and animosity. They were the other. They couldn't tolerate being in a room together. So we can dismiss it as sibling rivalry, but these were great, great people. Could they possibly have been arguing and debating about something more? So the Rav said, yes. רבי סולובייצ'יק Rav Soloveitchik in a talk he gave called Vision and Leadership, suggested that the clash and confrontation between יהודה Yehuda and יוסף Yosef is not a petty power struggle between two brothers, but it's a profound battle for the future leadership of the Jewish people. This is an adolescent people, a fledgling nation. And יוסף Yosef and יהודה Yehuda are each vying for leadership. Not ego driven, but they're vying for the template, the model of what Jewish leadership needs to look like. What is Jewish leadership all about? יהודה Yehuda and יוסף Yosef represent two paradigms or archetypes of leadership, said the Rav. The רמב\"ם Rambam says there are two types of righteous people. They're what he calls the חסיד chosid. The חסיד chosid is someone who has no inclination for anything wrong. They woke up in the morning and all they want to do is what's right. They don't struggle with temptation. They're humble, instinctively kind, they don't have desire. They're essentially born righteous and they always make the right decision. But says the רמב\"ם Rambam, there's a second type of צדיק tzadik. And the second type of righteous person is the person who's called כובש את יצרו kovesh es yitzro. The second type of righteous person is the one who battles and who struggles and who fights to do the right thing. They live with temptations and urges. And you know what? Sometimes they lose the battle. But they remain committed to win the war. And the Rav is suggested that יוסף Yosef represents the חסיד chosid. He's like משה Moshe. We don't find him succumbing to temptation or making the wrong decision. He's tempted. The wife of פוטיפר Potiphar throws everything she's got at him, but he does the right thing. He doesn't stumble. He's called יוסף הצדיק Yosef HaTzadik. His righteousness comes naturally. But יהודה's Yehuda's life is characterized by wrestling and battling. The story with תמר Tamar is a very low moment. He fell. In fact, the text describes, וירד יהודה vayereid Yehuda, that he went down, he fell. But you know what he does? He picks himself up. He says those iconic words, צדקה ממני tzadka mimeni, you're more righteous than I. And he's כובש את יצרו kovesh es yitzro. He conquers his demons. And he gets himself back on the right path towards greatness. He has the courage to admit when he's wrong, to express shame and regret, and to commit to begin to do what's right. And said the Rav, the debate between יוסף Yosef and יהודה Yehuda is, who makes the better Jewish leader? The perfect, righteous, no temptation, or the one who struggles and battles and picks himself up, who may lose a battle but seeks to win the war? Who's right? יוסף Yosef says, it's the חסיד chosid version of the צדיק tzadik. It's the one who's perfect. We want the leader who's the closest to perfection. And יהודה Yehuda says we want the leader who the people can relate to. We want the leader who's accessible, who's a role model, who's an inspiration. We need a leader who's able to be human, who's able to fail, who's able to have faults. Which is the model that we go with? Who wins in this battle between יהודה Yehuda and יוסף Yosef? Says the Rav, you know who wins? Who gets the monarchy? לא יסור שבט מיהודה Lo yasur shevet me'Yehuda. יהודה Yehuda is the progenitor of the monarchy. It's his progeny who are chosen as Jewish royalty, not יוסף Yosef. And Judaism is teaching an incredible lesson, said the Rav. And the lesson is that leadership is not about perfection. Leadership is about being human. And we should recognize within our own leaders they're fallible, they're relatable, their stories resonate for us. And we have to allow for their failures as long as they admit it and apologize for it and recommit to becoming great. And the Rav's great nephew, my buddy, Rabbi Dr. Meir Soloveitchik, has a beautiful article where he talks about this debate between יהודה Yehuda and יוסף Yosef and the victory of יהודה's Yehuda's philosophy over יוסף Yosef shows itself very poignantly in the story of משיח Moshiach, particularly the contrast between our approach and the approach of Christianity. Right? There's a certain holiday being celebrated by some. Their idea of their messiah is somebody who is perfect, born in perfect circumstances, and only through them, belief in that individual, through him, could one experience redemption. Ours is exactly the opposite. Right? In Christianity, man is utterly unworthy, unredeemable. And that their false messiah has to come and compensate for. In our belief, we have belief what? That אני מאמין באמונה שלימה בביאת המשיח ani ma'amin be'emunah shleima b'vias Mashiach, I believe he's going to come. When does משיח Mashiach come? When we're worthy of his arrival. We have to bring him. It's up to us. That's why in Christianity, since human beings are utterly unworthy and irredeemable, their Messiah has to be pure and untainted, immaculate conception, born of no sin. How's our משיח's יחוס Mashiach's yichus? Exactly the opposite. יהודה Yehuda and תמר Tamar, רות Rus, לוט Lot and his daughter, דוד Dovid and his complicated relationship with בת שבע Batsheva. Our משיח's יחוס Mashiach's yichus is riddled, riddled with scandalous affairs and salaciousness and that's that's where he comes from. And so, this is what he writes. He says, quote, \"The debate over whether Jesus was the Messiah is therefore an argument about the inherent ability of man. For Christians, repentance is impossible if the Messiah has not yet come. For Jews, the Messiah cannot come if repentance has not yet occurred.\" Christians proclaim the coming. Jews often under the pain of persecution continue to insist the Messiah had not yet come because it was up to us to bring him. And that's this debate between יהודה Yehuda and יוסף Yosef, a third level, yet another level of what's going on. So what happens with the big reveal? This is really what I wanted to get to. So it's good that we have a minute left. This is what I wanted to get to. יוסף Yosef reveals himself to his brothers and he says, אני יוסף העוד אבי חי Ani Yosef, ha'od avi chai? אוי לנו מיום הדין Oy lanu miyom hadin, חז\"ל chazal taught say. Wow, what a מוסר שמועס mussar shmuze. אוי לנו ליום הדין, אוי לנו ליום התוכחה Oy lanu l'yom hadin, oy lanu l'yom hatochecha. חז\"ל Chazal tell us, wow, in the ילקוט Yalkut on ויגש Vayigash, boy did יוסף Yosef knock them between the eyes. Boy did he hit them over the head. What a שמועס shmuze. What did he say? In those words, אני יוסף העוד אבי חי Ani Yosef, ha'od avi chai? I am Joseph, is my father still alive? The rebuke was so harsh, so strong. That's what it's going to be like for us when we get upstairs. The rabbi said on יום כיפור Yom Kippur, we, meeting our creator, have to fear that level of harshness that יוסף Yosef endured. אוי לנו מיום הדין אוי לנו מיום התוכחה Oy lanu miyom hadin, oy lanu miyom hatochecha. Where's this, where's the מוסר שמועס mussar shmuze? Where's the rebuke? Where's the hit over the head? What did he say that was so powerful? What's going on over here? What's going on over here? So there's a number of different interpretations of what's happening. The נצי\"ב Netziv says, the העמק דבר Ha'amek Davar says that the words העוד אבי חי ha'od avi chai was the rebuke. My father, not our father. Knowing how much our father loved me, you must have known the pain you were going to cause him. What did יהודה Yehuda just tell him? How could you do this to our father? You can't do this. You can't send me back without בנימין Binyamin, it'll kill him. What does יוסף Yosef say? You're so worried about your father. What about my father? Where was the father who loved me? Didn't you know what you were going to do to him by getting rid of me? What is the greatest rebuke? When we're called out for our hypocrisy, when we're called out for our duplicitousness, when we are revealed as a fake, as a phony. Does it get harsher than that? So says the נצי\"ב Netziv, you know what the תוכחה tochecha the rebuke was? העוד אבי חי Ha'od avi chai? You claim to care about your father? What about my father? You're a fake, you're a phony, you're a fraud, you're a liar, you're a hypocrite. Now you know what the beauty of the תוכחה tochecha was? יוסף Yosef didn't say any of that. You know what the most powerful תוכחה tochecha is? When I was a child, and even more recently, but when I was a child, I wasn't scared if my father raised his voice at me. The most scared I was was my father talked very softly or didn't talk at all, just looked at me with the greatest look of disappointment. Is there a stronger, sometimes the louder you scream, the less impactful or strong that תוכחה tochecha is. My, you never yelled at me. You were always very good to me. So the louder the scream, ah, you could blow it off. יוסף Yosef doesn't scream at his brothers. He doesn't need to. He doesn't need to. The reality, so the first understanding of how harsh the rebuke is is the נצי\"ב Netziv. And the נצי\"ב Netziv says, you know, when we are revealed, when we are revealed, the emperor is naked, that we're a fake and a phony and a fraud, that we claim to care about this, but our behavior over there proves that we're lying when we say we care about this. You care about your father? What about העוד אבי חי ha'od avi chai? What about my father? Second understanding of the harshness of the rebuke is, my wife once called me. She'd been pulled over. She got a speeding ticket. It's years ago, years ago, and she probably wasn't speeding. The policeman was at fault. Anyway, she calls me, she says, \"I'm waiting, he's, I just got pulled over, there's a police car behind me, he's got my license, he's writing up my ticket. I can't believe this.\" So I started to go, \"I can't believe you got a ticket! Why are you driving so fast? You know what the ticket costs and the points and the insurance?\" There's dead silence for a minute, and she says to me, she says, \"Ephraim, do you think I called you because I needed you to tell me what a mistake it was to be speeding?\" \"I look in my rearview mirror and the lights that are going behind me, I got it. I got it. I didn't call you for that. I called you so you'd say, 'Ah, that's terrible. I hate when that happens. That's so annoying. I'm so sorry.'\" There's a big lesson about marriage in that story, but there's also a big lesson about אוי ליום הדין, אוי ליום התוכחה Oy l'yom hadin, oy l'yom hatochecha, that sometimes when you confront the reality of the situation you created, nobody needs to say anything. יוסף Yosef says, \"I'm יוסף Yosef.\" Remember 22 years you threw me in a pit, you got rid of me, our father's been suffering. I'm יוסף Yosef, is my father still alive? And then he sits back and he doesn't have to say anything more. And he doesn't have to raise his voice and he doesn't have to scream because the reality of the situation that we created is the biggest תוכחה tochecha. They say that when we get upstairs, השם Hashem is just going to press play on a video of our life. And our having to sit with God, while watching a video of the decisions we made and our behavior, that's the greatest punishment. The humiliation, the shame, the regret, that is the biggest punishment there is. So when Yosef reveals himself, \"I'm Yosef, האוד אבי חי ha'od avi chai?\" he doesn't have to say more. He doesn't have to raise his voice, he doesn't have to scream, he doesn't have to yell, he doesn't have to point a finger. Rav Chaim Shmuelevitz, the great Rosh Yeshiva of the Mir, in his שיחות מוסר Sichos Mussar has another interpretation which I find unbelievably powerful. What happens right away? You know where the מוסר mussar is? We didn't get into, I told you we were going to get into why he couldn't hold himself back anymore. I guess we'll save that for next year. But you know what the מוסר mussar is, says Rav Chaim Shmuelevitz? What does he do right after he reveals himself? וינשק לכל אחיו ויבך עליהם ואחרי כן דברו אחיו אתו Vayenashek l'chol echav vayevk aleihem, v'acharei chen dibru echav ito. He hugs and he cries and he loves them. He doesn't say, \"look at what you did. How could you do this to me?\" You know what he says? \"After all you've done, I remain your brother. I have no intent of exerting my power over you. In fact, I want you to know, I love you, the perpetrators of this crime against me, as much as I love Binyamin, the one who had nothing to do with it.\" And then he hugs and kisses each of the brothers. That's an unbelievable rebuke. You know what the rebuke is? He rebukes them with his actions. By modeling the right way that brothers should treat a brother, he shows them just how wrong they had treated a brother. By saying, \"despite what you've done to me, despite what you've done to me,\" and this is the message I want to say to you about שנאת חינם sinas chinam, \"Despite your hating me, I only love you more, because you're my brother.\" And if Yosef could forgive and love his brothers after being thrown in a pit and sold into slavery, then we can love our brothers, even if they're different or they make different choices than we do. What was the מוסר mussar, the rebuke? The rebuke was that Yosef modeled the way one brother should in fact treat another brother, the proper way to treat another brother. And what do they do? How do the brothers react? אחרי כן דברו אחיו אתו acharei chen dibru echav ito. Now they talk. To me, these words, אחרי כן דברו אחיו אתו acharei chen dibru echav ito, is the antidote to what we saw two weeks ago: לא יכלו דברו לשלום lo yachlu dabro l'shalom. Two weeks ago, they couldn't be in a room, they couldn't talk. They couldn't even שמועס shmooze about the weather or about the worst call in football history, so the Patriots stole a game again. They couldn't even talk about things that they had in common. I don't know if any of you saw the clip of, what's her name, Megan McCain talking with Joe Biden, Joe Biden comforting her about her father's illness, because he lost his son to the same illness. Any of you see this? Here you have two people who politically are polar opposites, and who both can dish their fair share of rhetoric, who probably couldn't be in a room together. What enabled them to connect? Tragically is illness. Is horrific illness. And that common ground enabled them to comfort, to cry, to connect. So the brothers, לא יכלו דברו שלום lo yachlu dabru shalom, they couldn't even say שלום עליכם shalom aleichem, they couldn't talk, even about the things they had in common, even about illness, sports, the weather. They couldn't connect about anything. And when Yosef shows, despite what you did to me, I will show love for you as much as for Binyamin, now the brothers reciprocate. Now, דברו אחיו אתו dibru echav ito. Now they're able to talk. Now they're able to connect once again. And I leave you with a thought of Rav Yerucham. Rav Yerucham quotes the ארחות חיים Orchos Chaim of the Rosh, who says what we see from Yosef's behavior is a very powerful lesson, that when someone has hurt us, rather than seek to take revenge against them, we should be even more gracious to them. This is based on the ספר החינוך Sefer HaChinuch. ספר החינוך Sefer HaChinuch says, with this I promise I close. ספר החינוך Sefer HaChinuch says that if you realize that whatever happens in our lives—what does Yosef say to the brothers? The brothers say, \"You're not going to hurt us? You're not going to kill us? You're not going to take us down?\" And Yosef says, \"What do you think, you're the one who got me to Egypt? It's part of השם Hashem's master plan. You were a puppet, you were an instrument. What you did was wrong, and it hurt me. And I'm, I feel bad you did it. And you should ask for forgiveness, and I'll say I, I forgive you. But don't think that you got me here. This is part of God's plan.\" ספר החינוך Sefer HaChinuch says when someone hurts us, we should never make the arrogant mistake of thinking that that person was in the position to have hurt us. They couldn't have created that reality unless it was השם Hashem's will. If we live with אמונה וביטחון emunah u'bitachon and דביקות dveikus, we have to realize השם Hashem brought about that reality. They were the instruments, so we should hold them accountable. But if we take revenge, we're denying that God is the one who created the circumstance. Yosef realizes that השם Hashem is the one who brought him down to Egypt. And because he lives with that level of אמונה emunah, because he lives with that ביטחון bitachon, that everything in his life is from השם Hashem, he's able to turn to the brothers and instead of seeking revenge, to act with even greater graciousness to them. When people ask forgiveness from us, when they've hurt us, don't seek revenge, don't stand on ceremony, be overly gracious. Kill them with kindness, love them even more. Why? Because in the words of שיחות מוסר Sichos Mussar, model the way they should have been behaving towards you. The greatest rebuke is to show them the way a brother treats another brother. And because it's an expression of אמונה וביטחון emunah u'bitachon to realize that really it's all from השם Hashem.
