Transcript
Okay, בקר טוב boker tov. Once again, we have the privilege of reading a double פרשה parsha. If you like one פרשה parsha, then you'll love two. And we still find ourselves not in sync with our brothers and sisters in the holy land of Israel because they are actually two פרשיות parshios ahead. They read אחרי מות קדושים Acharei Mos Kedoshim last week, which meant the poor kids who were on March of the Living and Hills eighth grade class in Israel this past שבת Shabbos had to read three פרשיות parshios, and this coming פרשה parsha will be חזרה chazarah, will be a repeat for them. But in any case, so אחרי מות קדושים Acharei Mos Kedoshim. So as is our practice, we'll review briefly the פרשיות parshios, the overview, just to remind everyone what we're going to be reading this שבת Shabbos and then we'll get into some specific verses.So אחרי מות Acharei Mos begins by recounting and recalling the tragic death of Aaron's sons. If you recall, we studied about that just a couple weeks ago in פרשת שמיני parshas Shmini, how נדב ואביהוא Nadav v'Avihu died. What was the cause of their death? We saw a number of different suggestions, what was the source of the cause of their death. So the פרשה parsha begins with השם Hashem spoke to משה Moshe, referencing this death after Aaron's two sons, when they appeared before השם Hashem and they died. And of course, the תורה Torah gives now the warning not to come in front of the ארון Aron and so on, the the level of reverence and awe that that one must approach. And this is an introduction to the יום כיפור Yom Kippur service. יום כיפור Yom Kippur, the way we know it, the way we observe it today is radically different than the way יום כיפור Yom Kippur was observed in the time of the משכן Mishkan or in the time of the בית המקדש Beis HaMikdash. Today, we are all participants in observing יום כיפור Yom Kippur, almost equally. Everyone's in the שול shul and we דאווענען daven from morning till evening and we fast and so on and so forth. In the time of the בית המקדש Beis HaMikdash, the יום כיפור Yom Kippur experience was really led and almost dominated by the כהן גדול Kohen Gadol, by the high priest. And the majority of the people were spectators. They were spectators in terms of the practice. Obviously, not spectators to the process of repentance, not spectators to the experience of renewal, but to the ritual and ceremony of the day, they were essentially spectators. So this is the פרשה parsha where we're introduced to what exactly the כהן גדול Kohen Gadol, what was the process procedure, the ceremony of the day.So the different קרבנות korbonos that were offered, and as we read ourselves on יום כיפור Yom Kippur in מוסף Musaf in the עבודה Avodah, the כהן גדול Kohen Gadol changes his wardrobe more often than a woman at a פסח Pesach program. Constantly going in and out of the מקווה mikvah and changing his uniform, his clothing, and bringing different sacrifices and offering different confessions. And the confessions were recited on behalf of himself and on behalf of his family and on behalf of the Jewish people. And then the תורה Torah tells us about the lottery, the different lots. The the כהן גדול Kohen Gadol, Aaron, would bring two animals that looked almost identical, and the only thing that separated them was lottery. And there's an entire notion here about fate and destiny. Rabbi Soloveitchik had beautiful insights. And of course, one of them was destined to be offered in a holy sacrifice to the Almighty, and the other destined to be pushed off a cliff to pummel to his death. PETA would have a field day with what was happening in ירושלים Yerushalayim at that time. The incense service was offered, the קטורת ketores on the מזבח mizbeach, and again, the תורה Torah here delineates, I don't want to take the time to go into it because that's not what we're going to look at today in depth, but the different parts of the יום כיפור Yom Kippur service.Then the תורה Torah tells us the prohibition against eating blood. The commandment, not only are we forbidden from eating blood, which is an interesting commandment because I would think I wouldn't need to. Most people are disgusted by blood. Not only does the תורה Torah say you can't eat blood, the תורה Torah says it in a number of places. Not only does it say it in a number of places, the תורה Torah says as if you would want them, as if you would want to, be very, very careful not to eat blood, which of course רש\"י Rashi quotes is a reminder that if the תורה Torah has to remind us to be so careful about something that we'd be repulsed by, all the more so we have to be vigilant, careful for those things that we would be tempted by. The blood, these פסוקים psukim are actually very significant. כי נפש הבשר בדם היא ki nefesh habasar badam hi. It's פסוק י\"א pasuk yud-aleph. The soul of the animal is in the blood. So in the discussion about the definition of life, how do we define life? Is it brainstem activity, cardiac activity, spontaneous respiration? So this פסוק pasuk is very, very relevant because the פסוק pasuk seems to mention that life is defined by blood, by the ability for the blood to be flowing through the body, cardiac activity. Hold on. So we're not allowed to eat blood. Not only are we not allowed to eat blood, we have to cover blood. When we slaughter an animal, there's a מצוה mitzva of כיסוי הדם kisui hadam, of covering up the, of covering up the blood as well.Okay. Then the פרשת אחרי מות parshas Acharei Mos ends with the forbidden relations, illicit relations, relations that are immoral, and therefore forbidden. And the תורה Torah there has a whole list of them, some of them are fascinating. The prohibition of sodomy, of bestiality, and the תורה Torah concludes with the reminder of the holiness of the land, that the land cannot become contaminated through corrupt practice, immoral and unethical behavior, but that the land is, the land can't tolerate it. The land vomits out, the land absolutely dispels those that do not honor the values of the land. That's אחרי מות Acharei Mos, which brings us to קדושים Kedoshim.קדושים Kedoshim begins with the commandment. Last year when we studied this פרשה parsha, we gave a broad introduction. קדושים Kedoshim has many, many, many, many מצוות mitzvos in it. What is the common theme or denominator to this long, diverse array of מצוות mitzvos? So we spoke about the Jewish notion of holiness. רש\"י Rashi, the רמב\"ן Ramban, what is holiness, what is sanctity all about, how is it achieved? But anyway, so that's the overarching theme of the פרשה parsha. The obligation to honor parents, honor the שבת Shabbos, idols, rejected offerings. You go through פרשת קדושים parshas Kedoshim and you have a long litany of מצוות mitzvos. All of them ultimately are about shaping, refining, cultivating our character. And as we spoke about last year, in great contradistinction to American law, where American law is concerned with not being a bad person, תורה Torah law is concerned with how to shape ourselves into being a good person. There's a big gap between not being a bad person, which is relatively easy to do, and becoming a good person, which is much, much, much more challenging. Honesty, integrity, and so on and so forth. Morality, love, that's what פרשת קדושים parshas Kedoshim is about. Okay, so I want to get into the verses we're going to look at. Which is פרק י\"ט perek yud-tes, chapter 19, verse 17. 19:17, page 660. פרק י\"ט פסוק י\"ז Perek yud-tes, pasuk yud-zayin, page 660. Towards the beginning of what's normally שני sheini, what in the double פרשה parsha is חמישי chamishi.Okay, so the תורה Torah here delineated a whole list of honesty when we're dealing with other people. לא תשבעו בשמי לשקר Lo sishb'u vishmi lasheker. You can't, don't steal and don't be dishonest with other people and don't lead people on and don't lack integrity and don't swear in my name falsely, says God, thereby desecrating my name. לא תעשק את רעך ולא תגזל לא תלין פעלת שכיר אתך עד בקר Lo sa'ashok es re'acha v'lo sigzol, lo salin p'ulas sachir itcha ad boker. I think we discussed this last year as well. The obligation to pay a worker on time. You're not allowed to use somebody's services and not pay them on time. And this happens all the time. In הלכה halacha, there's big discussions about this. Withholding wages, being late with payment. It's the biggest, to me, it's the biggest שאנדע shanda on the planet Earth that so many within the ישיבה yeshiva system are complacent with the fact that their teachers aren't paid on time. It's, it's, how could you talk about representing Torah values when there's a violation of a basic תורה Torah principle to honor people by paying them on time? And there's a fascinating discussion in הלכה halacha. If you pay someone with a check, you pay someone with a check at 8:00 at night, have you paid them on time? On the one hand, the check has value. On the other hand, you can't go to the bank and get the cash from the check when the bank is closed. So, all kinds of fascinating discussion. You could deposit but it won't show up in your account. You can make fascinating, all kinds of fascinating discussions within הלכה halacha. And then the תורה Torah continues, לא תקלל חרש ולפני עור לא תתן מכשל Lo sekallel cheiresh v'lifnei iver lo sitein michshol. You're not allowed to curse the deaf, and don't place a stumbling block before the blind, which the מפרשים meforshim essentially define not as its simple meaning of literally putting a stumbling block in front of a blind person, but it means giving bad advice, misleading, leading somebody on. ויראת מאלהיך אני ה V'yareisa mei'Elokecha, Ani Hashem. The phrase that appears over and over and over again, among many מצוות mitzvos which I might, I might simply assume are based on שכל seichel. It makes sense, don't trip a blind person. It makes sense pay a person on time. It makes sense be honest, it makes sense have integrity, it makes sense, it's logical, don't lie. So I might assume all these מצוות mitzvos are שכליות sichliyos, they're logical, they're rational. You don't have to be a believer in order to conclude them. You could be an atheist and it will contribute to a good society to embrace these מצוות mitzvos. So the תורה Torah over and over again says, ויראת מאלהיך אני ה V'yareisa mei'Elokecha, Ani Hashem. Interspersed within these מצוות mitzvos over and over again is the reminder, אני ה Ani Hashem. Why are you doing it? It's not because it's only rational and logical, because what happens when another society uses their logic and rationality to come to other conclusions? For example, Nazi Germany, 1938, 1939. Where are you lost? Page 660. פרק י\"ט Perek yud-tes, these פסוקים psukim. ט\"ו, ט\"ז, י\"ז Tes-vav, tes-zayin, yud-zayin. קדושים Kedoshim. So why does, so the תורה Torah keeps reminding us, אני ה Ani Hashem. It's so easy for, not easy, God forbid it's so easy, although we've seen throughout our history, recent history included, that it is easy for a society to apply its own logic and rational thinking and to come to grossly immoral, unethical, and genocidal conclusions. Nazi Germany was a democratically elected society. Hitler was elected into power. The laws that were passed, anti-semitic laws, were passed by a democratically elected leadership and government. So the תורה Torah has to remind us that even though yes, these מצוות mitzvos appear שכליות sichliyos, they appear logical and rational, ויראת מאלהיך אני ה V'yareisa mei'Elokecha, Ani Hashem. If you don't live with a sense of awe that we are finite, limited beings and these laws are omnipotent and infinite in nature, then we easily could deviate, we easily could lose these laws. So what guides us and what supports us in their observance is ויראת מאלהיך v'yareisa mei'Elokecha, to remember that one has to live with an awe of the Almighty. He created us, he created this world, he knows how to achieve the ultimate meaning and purpose and the ultimate society. And אני ה Ani Hashem. I am God. I am God. I saw a very disturbing study this morning which I tweeted and appeared on Facebook. It was on NPR's website, so whatever degree that influences. A study out of Berkeley that said that the less religious people are, the more likely they are to be generous and charitable, which is a terribly, terribly, terribly disturbing conclusion. One would hope and think that we who have פרשת קדושים parshas Kedoshim, we who have מצוות mitzvos, that if I could take an observant society and measure them against a non-observant society, not to suggest that a non-observant society or a non-believing society can't be good and can't do good, but one would hope, one would hope that we would measure the observant society to be more honest, to be more ethical, to be more forthright, to be kinder, more charitable, more compassionate, more patient, more loving, less angry, and so on and so forth. But empirically, we don't entirely find that. Why that is, we could sit and suggest for hours. Is it because it's not a fault in the תורה Torah, it's the fault of those observing it? I read a quote once someone said, \"I love God, I just don't like his fan club.\" You know? So maybe, maybe it's not, maybe it's not the fault of תורה Torah, it's the fault of those who are observing it. Maybe, there's all kinds of influences that could suggest it. But the תורה Torah has to remind us ויראת מאלהיך אני ה v'yareisa mei'Elokecha Ani Hashem that the purpose and goal of these laws is not just to contribute to a functional society, but it's to emulate and imitate the Almighty. These are his values, this is what he cares about, this is his world. So we're following a divine formula, not just our own rational conclusions. ט\"ו: לא תעשו עול במשפט לא תשא פני דל ולא תהדר פני גדול בצדק תשפט עמיתך Tes-vav: Lo sa'asu avel bamishpat, lo sisa pnei dal, v'lo sehdar pnei gadol, b'tzedek tishpot amisecha. We're not allowed to pervert justice. Don't favor the poor, don't honor the great, but rather all of our justice should be carried out with righteousness, with righteousness. That seems like it would be a contradiction. How could you achieve justice without righteousness? The answer is that the pursuit of justice should be with justice. Sometimes some people are so zealous in their pursuit of justice, they use unjust means to seek to achieve the justice. That's the beginning of פרשת שופטים parshas Shoftim that says that צדק צדק תרדף tzedek tzedek tirdof, which the מדרש Medrash understands, צדק בצדק תרדף tzedek, b'tzedek tirdof. Righteousness with righteousness pursue. People violate and step all over righteousness in the name of some righteous cause. Maybe you followed the story earlier this week of one of the great spokespeople for anti-bullying who was giving a large public speech to a group of high school students from across the country, journalists. And in the context of his anti-bullying speech, proceeded to bully anybody who embraces the Bible and its conclusions vis-a-vis gay people. And he used it to be degrading, disgusting, condemning, critical, name-calling. He used his platform for anti-bullying to bully those who don't embrace his views of life. It made big headlines. Right? So what's that? It's צדק בצדק תרדף tzedek b'tzedek tirdof. It's בצדק תשפט עמיתך b'tzedek tishpot amisecha. It's the idea that don't in the pursuit of your just cause trample all over justice. The ends don't justify the means, but one can never, ever forfeit righteousness and justice. So don't favor the poor. It's a very difficult thing. The judge is going to be tempted to sit there and the poor person, they're going to be predisposed to want to judge in favor of the poor person. And don't don't favor the wealthy. You may be tempted the wealthy, it's easy to skew your thinking. The wealthy say something and you're, you know, you're very inclined to want to make them happy. So the תורה Torah tells us no, you have to stay true. לא תלך רכיל בעמיך לא תעמד על דם רעך Lo seilech rachil b'amecha, lo sa'amod al dam re'echa. Again, the תורה Torah reminds us, אני ה Ani Hashem. Don't gossip. לא תלך רכיל Lo seilech rachil, the מפרשים meforshim explain, רכיל rachil is like a person who has a, what's it called? A person who travels to city to city selling their wares. They have like a cart. A person's got a cart and they push it city to city and they're selling their wares. לא תלך רכיל Lo seilech rachil, רכיל rachil is someone who sells their wares. So don't be a gossip monger. You've got your your cart full of gossip and you go person to person and share your latest gossip. לא תעמד על דם רעך Lo sa'amod al dam re'echa. Don't stand idly by while your brother's blood is being spilled. Again, אני ה Ani Hashem. The reminder of השם Hashem. And that brings us up to what I want to study with you today. All this was introduction. פסוק י\"ז Pasuk yud-zayin, verse 17. Page 660 in the Stone Chumash. לא תשנא את אחיך בלבבך Lo sisna es achicha bilvavecha. You are not allowed to hate your brother where? In your heart. Rather, in contrast to hating him in your heart, what's the appropriate way to interact? הוכח תוכיח את עמיתך Hochei'ach tochi'ach es amisecha, ולא תשא עליו חטא v'lo sisa alav cheit. You shall give תוכחה tochacha, rebuke, reprove, positive criticism, constructive criticism, and therefore ולא תשא עליו חטא lo sisa alav cheit, you will not bear a sin because of him. That's the פסוק pasuk. Don't hate your brother in your heart. Rather, offer some constructive criticism. And by channeling that feeling you feel, the judgmentalness, the resentment, instead of turning it into hatred in your heart, channeling it into a positive conversation, constructive conversation, ולא תשא עליו חטא lo sisa alav cheit, you will not bear the burden of a sin, namely having hated him in your heart, because of his actions which elicited that feeling from within you. What's going on in this פסוק pasuk? Let's look at this פסוק pasuk a little more closely.Look at the רמב\"ן Ramban, הוכח תוכיח hochei'ach tochi'ach. Says the רמב\"ן Ramban, מצוה אחרת mitzva acheres, another מצוה mitzva, ללמדו תוכחת מוסר le'lamdo tochachas musar. Another מצוה mitzva regarding our friend. We were just told don't gossip, don't stand idly by while he is dying. And now, also, don't hate him in your heart, but rather share constructive criticism. Which by the way, you can understand why it came after the last verse. Don't stand idly by, excuse me, while your brother's blood is being spilled. Now the מצוה mitzva which comes and tells us, the next מצוה mitzva, positively, constructively criticize him, because not standing idly by while his blood is being spilled is not only a reference to someone's beating him to death, you must intercede, but rather, spiritually, if he is engaging in spiritual suicide, and you have an opportunity to intervene, you cannot stand idly by. ללמדו תוכחת מוסר ולא תשא עליו חטא שיעלה עליך אשם כאשר יחטא ולא הוכחתו אותו Le'lamdo tochachas musar, v'lo sisa alav cheit she'yaleh alecha asham ka'asher yechte v'lo hochachto oso. What's the end of the פסוק pasuk, says the רמב\"ן Ramban? You'll bear a burden, you'll bear a sin for the fact that you were quiet. Who says you're obligated to intercede? You come outside on Shabbos morning, your neighbor's lawn mowing his lawn on Shabbos. And we're not talking about he's a תינוק שנשבה tinok she'nishba, he doesn't have a Jewish education, Jewish background, Jewish experience, somebody who knows better. You see somebody who is cheating on their income taxes and you're going to just be quiet? Says the Torah, ולא תשא עליו חטא lo sisa alav cheit is your חטא cheit. It's your חטא cheit. I can't imagine the difference between Jewish law and American law. Can you imagine a secular legal system which tells you you're obligated when you see someone doing something wrong to tell them? But are you allowed to say? No, no, that's to tell לשון הרע lashon hara about him or מסירה mesirah, separate. We're not talking about that. We're talking about to to communicate with him directly. וזה יתאים לשון אונקלוס שאמר ולא תקבל על דיליה חובה V'zeh yat'im lashon Unkelos she'amar v'lo sekabel al dilei chova. שלא תקבל אתה עונש בחטא שלו She'lo sekabel ata onesh b'cheit shelo. The way אונקלוס Unkelos interprets these verses, ולא תשא עליו חטא lo sisa alav cheit, אונקלוס Unkelos understands those words, לא תקבל על דיליה חובה lo sekabel al dilei chova. Don't accept on his behalf חובה chova, an obligation. In other words, you'll become guilty because of him. So the רמב\"ן Ramban says, \"What did אונקלוס Unkelos mean?\" You're getting his sin. He's cheating on his income tax. You're gonna get upstairs and God's gonna look at your spreadsheet. Uh-huh, you went to the rabbi's parsha class, good, get a check, nice. You helped the old lady cross the street, good, that was nice, you did that, good. You put some money in the פושקע pushka, good. You cheated on your income tax. You're going to say incredulously, \"I cheated on my income tax? What are you talking about? I was the most honest person in the world. I went beyond, beyond question to be honest.\" God's gonna play back the video. When you were next to your friend in the store and your friend said to the person, \"Listen, if I pay in cash, can I get a cheaper price?\" And the person said, \"Yeah, paying cash, and not, you know, because I don't have to, I don't have to record the tax. Yeah, absolutely, you could pay less.\" And you just stood there humming and hawing and chewing your gum, and you didn't say anything. God says, \"That goes under in your file that you cheated on your income tax.\" You had an opportunity to interject, and you didn't, you bear the sin. As אונקלוס Unkelos, as אונקלוס Unkelos said, לא תקבל על דיליה חובה lo sekabel al dilei chova. You get the חוב chov. It's your guilt because of him. ואחרי כן צוה שתאהבהו V'acharei kein tziva shete'ehavuhu. The very next verse that we didn't continue, לא תקום ולא תטור lo sikom v'lo sitor, פסוק י\"ח pasuk yud-ches, don't take revenge. Rather, ואהבת לרעך כמוך v'ahavta l'rei'acha kamocha. Love your neighbor as yourself. Again, interjected, אני ה Ani Hashem. I am God. So the רמב\"ן Ramban reminds us, why is it, why is it that you bear his guilt? That you get upstairs and God says you cheated on your income tax, and you say, \"I did no such thing.\" God says, \"You had an opportunity to stop someone and you didn't. You cheated on your income tax.\" Why is that? Because you were commanded to love him. השונא את רעהו עובר בלאו, והאוהב לו מקיים עשה Hasonei es re'eihu over b'lav, v'ha'ohev lo mekayem asei. Hating your friend is the equivalent of driving on Shabbos. It's worse than turning on a light if you assume electricity is רבנן rabbinic. It's, we have a skewed version of life, but a perverted, a distorted understanding of priorities. In God's book, hating someone in your heart, not interceding to help them, is a biblical violation. It's a לאו lav. Loving your neighbor, caring enough to say something is a positive commandment, is a positive מצוה mitzva. You have people who would never miss putting on טלית tallis or תפילין tefillin or lighting שבת Shabbos candles, which are all wonderful מצוות mitzvos, but they don't love their fellow Jew. ונכון בעיני V'nachum b'einai, says the רמב\"ן Ramban, הוכח תוכיח כמו שהוכיח אברהם את אבימלך ki hochei'ach tochi'ach k'mo she'hochi'ach Avraham es Avimelech. הוכח תוכיח Hochei'ach tochi'ach, why the double language? ויאמר הכתוב אל תשנא את אחיך בלבבך V'yomar hakasuv al tisna es achicha bilvavecha, בעשותו לך שלא כרצונך b'asoso lecha shelo kirtzonecha. Don't hate your brother in your heart when he has done to you something that you don't desire. אבל תוכיחנו, מדוע ככה עשית עמדי aval tochichenu, madu'a kacha asisa imadi. So someone does something hurtful to you. Instead of going around gossiping about them, instead of bearing a grudge and hatred in your heart, which by the way, in the end of the day, hurts you much more than it hurts them. You're lugging around that grudge, which only gets heavier and heavier with the passage of time, ultimately hurts you much more than it does them. Why do that when you could simply go up to the person and say, \"Hey, I thought we had a good relationship. I thought we were friends. Why in the world would you do that?\" ולא תשא עליו חטא לכסות שנאתו בלבך ולא תגיד לו V'lo sisa alav cheit l'chasos sin'aso b'libecha v'lo sagid lo. Don't bear the sin by covering up the hate in your heart and not telling him. כי בהוכיחך אותו יתנצל לך ki b'hochichecha oso yisnatzeil lecha. So הוכח תוכיח hochei'ach tochi'ach is in a double language, says the רמב\"ן Ramban, because you achieve a double positive result. Firstly, you help the other person. You help them correct what they've done wrong. But the double language הוכח תוכיח hochei'ach tochi'ach is you've helped yourself, because by remaining silent and passive and bearing the grudge in your heart, you will pay the piper when you get upstairs and you didn't say something and you allowed them to continue to violate that. או ישוב ויתודה על חטאו ותכפר לו o yashuv v'yisvade al chato v'sichaper lo. ואחרי כן יצוה שלא תנקם ממנו v'acharei kein yatz'a she'lo tinakem mimenu. And after the Torah has told you, \"Clear the air. Clear the air. Confront the person. Get it out there,\" then the very next verse is, \"Don't take revenge.\" ולא תטור בלבך מה שעשה לך v'lo sitor b'libecha ma she'asa lecha, כי יתכן שלא ישנא אותו אבל יזכור החטא בלבו ki yitachen she'lo yisna oso aval yizkor hacheit b'libo. Because what's very likely to happen, says the רמב\"ן Ramban, okay, by confronting the person and by communicating, by dialoguing about it, you've gotten it out there. You don't hate the person. But what happens every time you're in the same room as them? You're reminded of what they did to you. And you can't help but think this revenge. If they came to you, you're not so eager to help them. ולפיכך הזהירנו שימחה פשע אחיו וחטאו מלבו v'lefichach hizhirenu sheyimcheh pesha achiv v'chato mi'libo. Therefore, the Torah has to go out of its way to say, first, don't hate him. Second, confront him, resolve it, offer constructive criticism. Third, never take revenge. Don't bear the grudge. And fourth, ואהבת לרעך כמוך v'ahavta l'rei'acha kamocha, learn not only to not hate him, not only to help correct him, not only to not take revenge, but find the capacity to even love him. ואחרי כן יצוה שיאהב לו כמוהו v'acharei kein yitzaveh she'ye'ehav lo kamo'hu. אזוי זאגט Azoy zogt, that's the רמב\"ן Ramban. Yes. Yes. Great question. So the truth is, we don't have the time now. We could spend hours elaborating on this מצוה mitzva of תוכחה tochacha, which is counted as a positive commandment. The גמרא Gemara says, כשם שמצוה k'sheim she'mitzva, the same way that it's a מצוה mitzva to say something that will be heard, I think it's in עירובין Eruvin, same way it's a מצוה mitzva to say something that will be heard, similarly, it's a מצוה mitzva to not say something that won't be heard. So it's very, a person has to be very calculating and strategic, when should you say something? If by saying something you're going to aggravate a person and a situation further and increase the animosity, then it's preferable to remain silent. So of course, it takes a tremendous measure of wisdom. In fact, to be honest, our great rabbis, the חזון איש Chazon Ish included, concluded that today we don't have the capacity to fulfill this מצוה mitzva. That this מצוה mitzva is almost off the table altogether. We don't have the ability of הוכח תוכיח hochei'ach tochi'ach. We don't have the ability to offer תוכחה tochacha. Why? תוכחה Tochacha requires something that's almost impossible. You have to be offering what you're offering לשמה lishmah. You have to be saying the criticism you're saying because you really care about helping the other person. You're not getting a little kickback joy in criticizing somebody else. And you can't be guilty yourself of the very thing that you're criticizing. So it requires so many preconditions that we almost can't complete it today. But the principles remain true. That if you're in a conflict with someone, they've hurt you, don't bear it in your heart. Confront them, have a conversation about it, get it out in the open. Don't seek revenge, and even learn to love them. last question, then let's just hold the questions after this till the end. So this is different than asking for giveness, which requires someone to go three times. הוכח תוכיח Hochei'ach tochi'ach, you know, is is a result-oriented goal. You know, whatever is necessary to say to get the person to hopefully improve, to hopefully grow, that's the the purpose. The אור החיים הקדוש Ohr HaChaim HaKadosh also has a commentary. Says the אור החיים Ohr HaChaim, לא תשנא את אחיך בלבבך lo sisna es achicha bilvavecha. פירוש, אם נסבב מאחיך דבר הגורם לשנאתו, לא תשנאהו בלבך peirush, im nisabev mei'achicha davar hagorem lesin'aso, lo sisneihu b'libecha. If your friend does something which really, really is hurtful and could cause you to hate him, don't hate him in your heart. אלא בפיך, דבר אליו, תוכחה על אשר כך עשה ועו ella b'ficha, daber ilav, tochacha al asher kach asah v'ev. So where's, notice the Torah says, \"Don't hate him in your heart.\" I would have read the פסוק pasuk, I would have said, \"Don't hate him.\" Can I hate him in my head? Can I hate him instead of my heart? Can I hate him in my foot instead of my heart? What do you mean בלבבך bilvavecha? What does the פסוק pasuk mean, לא תשנא את אחיך בלבבך lo sisna es achicha bilvavecha? Don't hate your brother in your heart. Says the אור החיים Ohr HaChaim, it's not coincidental, it's by design. It means don't hate him בלבבך bilvavecha in your heart, אלא בפיך ella b'ficha, with your mouth. דבר אליו daber ilav, speak to him. תוכחה על אשר כך עשה ועו tochacha al asher kach asah v'ev. והוא אמר הוכח בהוכיחך v'hu omar hochei'ach b'hochichecha. ואומר ולא תשא עליו חטא, פירוש, לא תחליט בדעתך שמה שנסבב מאחיך ברשע עשאן, והוא אומר בחטאו ימות אשמו v'omar v'lo sisa alav cheit, peirush, lo sachlit b'da'atcha she'mah shenisabev mei'achicha b'rasha asan, v'hu omar b'chato yamus ashemo. אל תדונהו לכף זכות והוכיחנו el tedonuhu l'chaf zechus, v'hochichenu. ועל ידי התוכחה יהיה אחד משני דברים. או יתן אמתלא לנעשה ואין חטא, או יזכור על הנעשה וישוב ולבו לעשותו כדבר זה והרי הוא כרעך אח לך v'al yedei hatochacha yihiyeh echad mishnei devarim. o yiten amla l'na'aseh v'ein cheit, o yizkareis al ha'na'aseh v'yashuv v'libo asoso k'davar zeh, v'harei hu k'rei'acha ach lecha. Says the אור החיים הקדוש Ohr HaChaim HaKadosh, when the Torah says, \"Don't hate him in your heart,\" it means specifically in your heart. Hate him with your lips. It doesn't mean hate him with your lips that you should call him all kinds of names, curse him out, yell at him, talk לשון הרע lashon hara about him. It means resolve the hate with your lips. Don't harbor in your heart, but go and confront, communicate, explain what you did was hurtful, why would you do that? Look at the impact it had. I don't understand it. And he said, if you do that, which is followed by הוכח תוכיח hochei'ach tochi'ach, you will find one of two results. Now, I would humbly submit that you don't always find. There's a third result you could find. But the two results he says are, first, and what is, why should you do that? I'm sorry, he also said, because you should assume, assume that the other person is not wicked. Don't prejudge. Now, certain things that a person could do to hurt you, it's difficult to be דן לכף זכות dan l'chaf zchus. It's difficult to even with the most creative mind imagine a circumstance where that person was trying to do something for the good. Nevertheless, we don't always understand the shoes that the other person are in. We don't always understand where they're coming from, what led to it, what kind of day they've had, how they're feeling, how they may have misinterpreted one of our own actions or misinterpreted something going on in their life. So says the אור החיים Ohr HaChaim, one should presume that there's more to the story, go בפיך b'ficha with your mouth, communicate, confront the person for what they did. And if you do that, you'll find one of two things. Either they'll give an אמתלא amla, they'll explain what happened. \"Oh, you interpreted my email this way? I didn't mean it that way. You misread it. I meant it this way.\" \"Oh, you thought that when I did this, I did it to hurt you? Let me, I see why that might have been hurtful to you, but that was never my intention.\" Either that, or the person's going to say, \"You know what, you're right. I regret doing it. At the moment, I was just so angry, at the moment I was so frustrated, at the moment I, whatever the case may be, and I regret it.\" So the אור החיים Ohr HaChaim says if you do an effective job. of communicating בפיך beficha with your mouth, rather than בלבבך bilvavecha, rather than harboring the grudge in your heart, you'll find the person on the other side who will either explain in a way that you didn't understand, or who will regret. So again, I think there's a third option that they'll tell you to get lost and continue the conflict, but maybe that means that you didn't communicate it effectively. עוד נראה לפרש. והעיר עוד בשינוי הדיבור, שהיה צריך לומר לא תשנא בלבבך את אחיך. Oid nir'eh lefaresh. Vehe'ir od beshinui hadibur, shehayah tzarich lomar lo sisna bilvavecha es achicha. The אור החיים Ohr HaChaim points out another anomaly in the פסוק pasuk. It should have said, instead of \"don't hate your brother in your heart,\" it should have said, \"don't hate in your heart, your brother.\" Right? That would have been the more appropriate way to write it. It shouldn't say, \"don't hate your brother in your heart.\" Where does hate take place? In your heart. So it should say, \"don't hate in your heart, your brother.\"So why does it change it? שיגמור מקום השנאה שהזכיר לדבר בה, ואחר כך יזכור את מי ישנא. Sheyigmor makom hasinah shehizkir ledaber bah, ve'achar kach yizkor es mi yisna. Finish the place where the hatred takes place, namely your heart, and then mention the subject of the hatred, namely אחיך achicha, your brother. Why does it say לא תשנא את אחיך בלבבך lo sisna es achicha bilvavecha? It should say לא תשנא בלבבך את אחיך lo sisna bilvavecha es achicha. That's his question. אכן יכוון להודיע שיעור השנאה אשר השם מצווה עליה. Achen yechaven lehodi'a shiur hasinah asher Hashem metzaveh aleha. Why does it say this? Because the Torah is trying to communicate the measure of hatred which the Torah says is forbidden. שלא יאמר אדם שאין קרוי שנאה, אלא שנאה גמורה לבקש רעתו ולהכעיסו בחליונו. Shelo yomar adam she'ein karui sinah, ela sinah gemurah levakesh ra'aso u'lehach'iso b'chilyono. A person might think, you know what? You know what's hatred? You know what the Torah says is forbidden? For me to want to see that person die. I hope they drop dead. I wish the worst disease and, uh, whatever on their family. That's what the Torah is saying. Don't hate another person to the extent that you wish them harm, that you hope they drop dead, that you hope they lose their job, that you take joy in their suffering. That's the hatred the Torah forbids. But to to not like them, to אפס efes tell people that that person's a bad person, to not stomach being able to be in the same room as them, that, that the Torah wasn't calling hatred. That the Torah is okay. That's after all, every human being feels that. So the אור החיים Ohr HaChaim says a person might have thought it's only hatred of the magnitude of wanting harm that the Torah forbade, but not getting along, not liking, not wanting to be in the same room, not accepting to go to the same שבת Shabbos meal, that the Torah was okay with. So therefore, אבל חלק בלב ואין קרוי שנאה. לזה נתחכם הכתוב לסמוך לא תשנא עם תיבת אחיך. לומר, כי שיעור השנאה שהזהיר השם עליה היא ניגשות בערך אח, ושיעור זה הכושר לחלוק עליו בלב קצת, הנה הוא יורד ממדרגת אח, והרי הוא עובר משום לא תשנא. Aval chelek balev v'ein karui sinah. Lezeh nischakem hakasuv lismoch lo sisna im teivas achicha. Lomar, ki shiur hasinah shehizhir Hashem aleha hi nigashus b'erech ach, v'shiur zeh hakosher lachlok alav balev ketzas, hinei hu yored mimadregas ach, v'harei hu over mishum lo sisna. You know what the real measure is of what's forbidden? Any amount of animosity that lowers that person from being אח ach, your brother, someone you care about, want to be around, that's what's forbidden. So saying, \"I don't have anything against them, I just don't go to שבת Shabbos meals with them. I'm just not interested in being with that person. Oh, I don't have anything against them, I just can't be in the same room.\" The Torah is saying that in itself is a violation of this לא תשנא את אחיך בלבבך lo sisna es achicha bilvavecha. So why do we switch the words? It should say לא תשנא בלבבך את אחיך lo sisna bilvavecha es achicha, because it wanted to have שנאה sinah and אחיך achicha next to each other. To say any hatred which minimizes to any degree that person being אחיך achicha, your brother, that's what's forbidden. Figure it out. Find a way to be in the same room together. Find a way to be in the same mahjong game. Find a way to be in the same to go on the same cruise. Find a way, because anything less than אחיך achicha is unacceptable from the Torah's point of view. עוד ירצה, זה ארוך אור החיים Oid yirtzeh, zeh aruch Ohr HaChaim, we're not going to read the whole thing. But עוד ירצה בשרש של לא תשנא דיקדק לומר את אחיך, ובשרש של הוכח תוכיח אמר את עמיתך, שנמצא מדבר בשני נושאים. Oid yirtzeh b'shoresh shel lo sisna dikdek lomar es achicha, u'v'shoresh shel hocheach tocheach amar es amisecha, shenimtzah medaber b'shnei nos'im. In the same פסוק pasuk we have, don't hate your brother in your heart, but rather הוכח תוכיח hocheach tocheach rebuke, reprove and criticize עמיתך amisecha. What's עמיתך amisecha? Someone in your עם am, your fellow man, someone in your brotherhood. It's not אחיך achicha means your brother, you feel as your brother. If you have concentric circles, אחיך achicha is a smaller concentric circle. עמיתך amisecha is a broader concentric circle, of those who are עמיתך amisecha, in your עם am. So why does the Torah switch, \"don't hate your brother in your heart, rather reprove your fellow\"? How do you go from brother to fellow? אכן יתכן לומר על דרך אומרם זכרונם לברכה, אם ראית תלמיד חכם שעבר עבירה ביום, אל תהרהר אחריו בלילה, כי ודאי עשה תשובה. Achen yitachen lomar al derech omram zichronam livracha, im ra'isa talmid chacham she'avar aveirah bayom, al teharher acharav balailah, ki vadai asah teshuvah. If you see, the גמרא Gemara says if you see a תלמיד חכם talmid chacham, someone whom deserves the benefit of the doubt, doing something egregious during the day, by night, don't assume they did something wrong, but rather assume they did תשובה teshuvah. גם מצינו שאמרו, כי תראה חמור שונאך רובץ תחת משאו, שהכתוב מדבר במי שראה בחברו דבר מגונה שמצווה לשונאו. Gam matzinu she'amru, ki sir'eh chamor sonacha rovetz tachas masa'o, shehakasuv medaber b'mi shera'ah b'chavero davar megunah shemitzva lison'o. Torah says if you see the donkey of your enemy, of the one you hate, collapsing under his weight, you still have to help the donkey up. So how could there be somebody you hate? I thought you're not allowed to hate somebody. So the גמרא Gemara explains, no, it means somebody that you see a דבר מגונה davar megunah, שמצווה לשונאו shemitzva lison'o. You see within that person something worthy of hate. That person has a corrupt character trait that's worthy of hate. וכן תירץ הכתוב, שאין ראה דבר מגונה בתלמיד חכם, אינו נכלל בגדר אותם שציווה השם לשונאם, אלא צריך להחזיקו כי ודאי עשה תשובה. V'chen teiretz hakasuv, she'im ra'ah davar megunah b'talmid chacham, eino nichlal b'geder osam shetzivah Hashem lison'am, ela tzarich lehachziko ki vadai asah teshuvah. So if you see a person, an average, regular person, and they have within their character something מגונה megunah, something repulsive, despicable, something corrupt, hate that about them. But the תלמיד חכם talmid chacham, you think you saw something corrupt in them, assume it's been repaired, corrected, and they've done תשובה teshuvah. והוא אמר לא תשנא את אחיך, שהוא תלמיד חכם, המתכנה בשם אח. Vehu amar lo sisna es achicha, shehu talmid chacham, hamis'chaneh b'shem ach. So the first part of the פסוק pasuk is assuming don't hate a תלמיד חכם talmid chacham in your heart. The rabbi didn't call you back, didn't email you back, gave a speech you didn't like that. Don't assume he's such a terrible guy. Don't assume the rabbi sided with someone who you think did something to hurt you. But rather give them, I don't know if you can assume the rabbi's a תלמיד חכם talmid chacham. It's not always a safe assumption. But don't assume that this person, if someone, it's not only a rabbi, someone you know who generally is a virtuous, righteous person, give them the benefit of the doubt that they, that they've corrected themselves or that they didn't do something wrong. They are אחיך achicha, they're your brother, למען אחי ורעי lema'an achai v're'ai. So the first part is referring to אח, תלמיד חכם ach, talmid chacham. When it says הוכח תוכיח hocheach tocheach, שהם המון העם shehem hamon ha'am. ולזה אמר את עמיתך u'lezeh amar es amisecha. When it talks about rebuking, where you don't give them the benefit of the doubt that they've repaired, but you need to interject and say something to encourage them to correct their ways, that is not the תלמיד חכם talmid chacham, that is המון עם hamon am, that's the average person. So that's how the אור החיים Ohr HaChaim deals with the change in the פסוק pasuk from אחיך achicha to עמיתך amisecha, that first we were talking about a תלמיד חכם talmid chacham and then the פסוק pasuk switched subject to המון עם hamon am, somebody who's the average person. Okay, let's look at the כלי יקר Kli Yakar. The כלי יקר Kli Yakar, Rav Luntschitz also had something to say here, פסוק י\"ז pasuk yud zayin. Says the כלי יקר Kli Yakar, הוכח תוכיח את עמיתך ולא תשא עליו חטא. דוקא עמיתך במצוות תוכחה. Hocheach tocheach es amisecha v'lo sisa alav chet. Davka amisecha b'mitzvas tochacha. The כלי יקר Kli Yakar rather also picks up on the fact that it doesn't just say הוכח תוכיח hocheach tocheach, reprove the person, constructively criticize the person. It says to do that to somebody who's עמיתך amisecha. Why? להוציא שלוש כיתות שאינם מקבלים תוכחה. L'hotzi shlosh kitos she'einam mekabelim tochacha. Because there are three categories of people who no matter what you say will not be receptive. So whatever conflict you have between you, or whatever you've seen them do wrong, there are three categories of people who are incapable of hearing constructive criticism or criticism of any kind. והם Vehem, and they are, you ready? רשעים Resha'im, wicked people. What does that mean? It means people who are corrupt in their core. People who are corrupt in their core. Somebody who's just a bad person. I don't know exactly how to define that for you, but you know who I'm talking about. Somebody who's a, not a good person who has bad habits, but a bad person, a mean person, a hurtful person, a bad person, a person who lacks integrity in the very fabric of their being. A רשע rasha. So that רשע rasha, there's nothing you're going to say that's going to inspire them. There's nothing you're going to say that's going to uplift them. There's nothing you're going to say that's going to make them say, \"You know what? That's an entire paradigm shift. I never looked at it that way. You've caused me to rethink my life.\" So don't waste your breath and don't waste your energy, and don't subject yourself and make yourself vulnerable to what could be a vicious response. That's category one who are not be receptive. Category number two are כסילים kesilim. כסילים kesilim are fools, foolish people, foolish people who live life carefree, foolish, not discerning, not not rational. So they're also not going to listen to your message. There are people in life whose antennas are up. I would argue every one of you. You're here today because you like to learn. There are people in life who like to learn. And being predisposed to learn means that you learn from different ways. They're different communicators of that learning. We learn from books, we learn from classes, and we learn from many people around us, right? Which, of course, we're taught is the greatest way of learning, that who is a חכם chacham? הלומד מכל אדם Halomed mikol adam. The משנה Mishna in פרקי אבות Pirkei Avos says, who is wise? Somebody who learns מכל אדם mikol adam, from everybody. You might think, well, I'm much smarter, I'm much more accomplished, I'm much more successful, I'm much wealthier, I'm much more talented. What do I have to learn from? There's something to learn from a two-year-old. There are things to learn from a two-year-old. You could learn from every one and every thing with whom we come in contact. So איזו הוא חכם, הלומד מכל אדם eizehu chacham, halomed mikol adam. And in fact, that's why we call a תלמיד חכם talmid chacham a תלמיד חכם talmid chacham. My daughter Atara said this in her בת מצוה bas mitzvah speech. Why are they called a תלמיד חכם talmid chacham? They should be called a חכם chacham. Because you're only a חכם chacham if you remain a תלמיד talmid, if you remain a student. So in Judaism, we don't call the person a חכם chacham, a wise person, but we refer to them as a wise person who's still studying. The moment that they're done studying, they're done learning, we don't have use for them, no matter how much they may know. Because we only respect and admire and ourselves try to become the kind of people who are life learners, always learning in life. So we can learn from so much around us. There are messages. I could give דרשות drashos that I'm not talking to somebody because they're great, and that person comes over anyway, \"Oh, Rabbi, I needed to hear that. Thank you so much. It's as if you were talking right at me.\" When that was the last person on earth I was talking to, they're phenomenal at the thing I was talking about. And then there's the person I wrote the entire דרשה drasha for. Their picture was on the corner of my computer screen as I wrote the דרשה drasha, hoping somehow I could impact them. And they walk up to me and they say, \"You know, Rabbi, I'm so glad you gave that דרשה drasha. You and I get this, but that guy over there, you know, he has no clue, he doesn't understand, and it's so good that you, you said my neighbor really needed to hear this דרשה drasha.\" So, so the כלי יקר Kli Yakar is saying that there are people in life, these three categories of people, they don't have an antenna up. They never hear life messages. So the third one, we're getting up to it, we're getting up to it. Hold on. Got to build a little suspense here. So the רשע rasha, the wicked person, the corrupt person in their core, the כסיל kesil, the fool, and the לצים leitzim. You know what לצים leitzim are? This is my, this is the category which resonates most with me who are incapable of hearing messages. You know who they are? Cynical, sarcastic people. People for whom nothing in life is serious. Everything is a joke. Everything is a joke. Now those people I want you to know I have the most sympathy for, because I find in my life, the individuals who are the most sarcastic, they are using sarcasm as a protective shield because they are so insecure and they are so fragile and they are so negative and they're, there's, they're in so much pain inside that they can't imagine risking exposing themselves to the real world or real relationships or real inspiration, and instead they create this artificial force field of sarcasm and cynicism. You all know the kind of people I'm talking about. Everything you talk to them about, it's a joke. Sarcastic, cynicism. You tell them something good someone did, they have some sarcastic comment. You say something about, sarcastic. You talk about a meaningful moment, a trip you took, your kid, sarcastic. Everything is sarcastic comment. So לצים leitzim, to be a לץ leitz. If you're a לץ leitz, which could be laziness in the, classically translated as laziness. From the opening פרק perek of תהילים Tehillim, don't find yourself sitting or dwelling among a group of לצים leitzim. The סימנך simanech says the כלי יקר Kli Yakar is רח\"ל Rachal, ר-כ-ל reish-chaf-lamed. כמו שנאמר, אל תוכח לץ. Kemo shene'emar, al tochach leitz. The פסוק pasuk in משלי Mishlei says don't bother rebuking a cynical person. And כסיל, באזני כסיל אל תדבר. Kesil, b'oznei kesil al tedaber. Also in משלי Mishlei it says, \"In the ears of a fool, don't speak.\" What are you wasting your time? A foolish, a person who's not listening to you, not digesting, not absorbing, not registering what you're saying, not capable of having an intellectual dialogue with you, what are you, what are you talking to them? וכתיב, ומוכיח לרשע מומו. U'chsiv, u'mochiach la'rasha mumo. And lastly is the רשע rasha. So the acronym, רשע rasha and כסיל kesil and לץ leitz is רכ\"ל rachal. ר-כ-ל reish-chaf-lamed. כי כהולך רכיל סמך לעד, וכשרואה דבר ערווה בחברו לעולם אינו מוכיחו להשיבו מדרכו אלא הולך ומגלה בו, כדי לבוש ברוב עם לספר קלונו, כדרך כל הולך רכיל. בשלוש כיתות אלו מואסים התוכחה, על כן אין חייב להוכיחם. Ki k'holech rachil samach la'ed, u'chshera'ah davar ervah b'chavero le'olam eino mochi'cho lehashivo midarko ela holech u'megaleh bo, k'dei lavosh b'rov am lesaper klono, k'derech kol holech rachil. B'shalosh kitos elu mo'asim hatochacha, al ken ein chayav lehochicham. These three groups מואסים התוכחה mo'asim hatochacha, they despise constructive criticism. It means they're allergic to it. They absolutely, they break out in hives if someone tries to have a serious conversation. Try to have a serious conversation with someone sarcastic. You'll find yourself over and over going, \"Come on, just be serious for a minute. I'm trying to be serious for a minute.\" They're having an allergic reaction. They're incapable. A fool who's just mind is wandering, they're distracted, they're not with you, they don't understand what's important in life, you're trying to communicate an important message, don't waste your breath. And the רשע rasha, of course not. They have an entirely different value system. So these three, whose acronym is ר-כ-ל reish-chaf-lamed, לא סילך רכיל lo seilech rachil, they are the ones who live life walking around selling their wares. They are the, the בעלי לשון הרע ba'alei lashon hara. Says the כלי יקר Kli Yakar. And from the fact that it says \"don't bear their burden,\" it means that if you don't address people, you're going to bear the, their burden. Because כל ישראל ערבים זה בזה kol yisrael areivim zeh bazeh. We are all guarantors one for the other. A מָשָׁל mashal of a friend who goes to the bank. You go to the bank and the bank says, \"I'm not willing to lend you money unless you have a guarantor.\" You come to me and you say, \"Goldberg, do me a favor. Would you sign as the guarantor? I promise you, I have the money, I'll be good, I'm going to pay it back. They're never going to come collect from you, but I can't get the loan unless you sign.\" Do me a favor, sign as the guarantor. I say, \"Sure.\" I sign as the guarantor. Six months later, you're not paying your loan, and I see you wasting your money. You haven't paid the loan back, and you call me and say, \"What do you think of my new car? What do you think of my new watch? Let's go for a boat of sushi at lunchtime.\" I'm going to say to you, \"Are you out of your mind? If you keep spending like this, they're going to come collect from me. I don't want to have to pay your debt for the fact that you right now are being so irresponsible with your money.\" So if you're someone's guarantor, you will never remain silent when you're on the line, when you're going to be accountable, when the consequences hit you. So the כלי יקר Kli Yakar says, that's how we should live life. So too, if you see someone, we're all on the same boat, literally and figuratively. And you see somebody who's acting inappropriately, you're that person's guarantor, you're going to have to pay. Now, if you went over to, unlike the, if I go over to the borrower and say, \"Stop being frivolous with your money,\" and they don't listen to me, the bank doesn't care, the bank's still going to come collect from me. God is at least more compassionate. And God says if as the guarantor, you tried to stop the person doing the wrong thing, that's good enough for me that I'm not going to come after you. Your obligation as a guarantor in Judaism is to at least interject when you see someone doing something wrong and try to protect them. Next paragraph. משל, משל לזה, Mashal, mashal lezeh, there's a famous משל mashal of the כלי יקר Kli Yakar. מי שקודח בספינה תחתיו. Mi shekodeach b'sfinah tachtav. What happens? We're all riding in the boat together. We're on a cruise. We're on the chazan cruise together. And I'm in my seat on the cruise, and I got a drill, and I'm drilling a hole under my seat. Everyone on the boat's going to start yelling at me. \"Are you out of your mind? You're drilling a hole in the boat?\" I'd say to them, \"I paid for my seat. I'm drilling the hole under my seat. It's none of your business. Mind your own business. I paid for this seat. I could do what I want under my seat.\" What's the rest of the boat going to say to him? \"When the water enters under your seat, guess what? We're all going down.\" כך אמר איוב לחבריו, ואף על פי שאני אמרתי שגיתי, איתי תלין משוגתי. מה השיבו לו חבריו, אם יוסיף אל חטאתו, בינינו יספוק. וכך נאמר ולא תשא עליו חטא. Kach amar Iyov l'chaverav, v'af al pi she'ani amarti shagisi, iti talin meshugasi. Mah heishivu lo chaverav, im yosif al chataso, beineinu yispok. V'chach ne'emar v'lo sisa alav chet. So that's the imagery we are to have. You see someone doing something wrong, they are drilling a hole under their seat, and you're on the same boat. And if you're not going to say something and stop the hole in the boat, you're going to go down with the whole boat. Okay. The כלי יקר Kli Yakar also here goes on, it's a long כלי יקר Kli Yakar. There actually were a few other things I wanted to say. So let's keep going. So this was the progression. You have a problem with your friend, don't hate him in your heart, but the אור החיים Ohr HaChaim said, use your mouth, confront them. And הוכח תוכיח hocheach tocheach. Why the double language? The רמב\"ן Ramban said, because there's a benefit for the person you're offering the constructive criticism, and תוכיח tocheach, there's a benefit for you, that you're going to clear the air and that you won't bear the burden. לא תשא עליו חטא Lo sisa alav chet, don't bear the burden because as a guarantor, you would have to pay in heaven, you're going to have to pay the piper if you didn't intercede when you could. Next פסוק pasuk. לא תקום ולא תיטור Lo sikom v'lo sitor. Don't take revenge. What's the difference between נקמה nekamah and נטירה netirah? What's the difference between לא תקום lo sikom and לא תיטור lo sitor? Says רש\"י Rashi. לא תקום, אמר לו השאילני מגלך, אמר לו לאו. למחר אמר לו השאילני קרדומך. אמר לו איני משאילך כדרך שלא השאלתני. זוהי נקמה. Lo sikom, amar lo hash'ileini magalcha, amar lo lav. Lemachar amar lo hash'ileini kardomcha. Amar lo eini mash'ilcha k'derech shelo hish'altani. Zohi nekamah. You say, \"I'm not lending it to you, just like you didn't lend to me.\" That's נקמה nekamah. What's נטירה netirah? אמר לו השאילני את קרדומך, אמר לו לאו. למחר אמר לו השאילני מגלך, אמר לו הילך, ואיני כמותך שלא השאלתני. Amar lo hash'ileini es kardomcha, amar lo lav. Lemachar amar lo hash'ileini magalcha, amar lo heilach, v'eini k'moscha shelo hish'altani. So today I went to my neighbor, I said, \"Can I borrow your blender?\" and they said no. The next day they come to me and say, \"Can I borrow your food processor?\" and you say, \"Sure, unlike you, I'm happy to lend you my food processor.\" Isn't that amazing? You might have said, \"Look, in the end of the day, you're lending them your food processor, you're a good guy. At least you lent.\" So Torah says no, נטירה netirah, you're not allowed to remind him that you're doing something he didn't do. That too is a form of revenge. Oh, there's so much to talk about, but we're going to be out of time. But let me tell you a few things very quickly. The כלי יקר Kli Yakar here has a long discussion. What do you mean? God describes himself as a vengeful God. God talks about taking נקמה nekamah against our enemies. So how could the Torah here be this anti-revenge group when we have an entire קפיטל kapitel in תהילים Tehillim, קמ\"ט kuf mem tet, which is all about נקמת השם nikmas Hashem and so on? The whole קפיטל kapitel about נקמה nekamah. So the כלי יקר Kli Yakar talks about there's a difference: physical revenge and spiritual revenge. Revenge against somebody who spiritually, who physically tried to deny you something, didn't lend you the blender, didn't invite you to the birthday party, that's what's forbidden because when you are willing to take revenge against somebody who hurt you or denied you physical plane or pleasure, you are setting your physical body as a priority. It's such a priority that you're willing to compromise your own self to take revenge against them because your body, you value so much, you value the physical. But when someone has sought to hurt you spiritually, that means our enemies who seek to obliterate the Jewish people or who seek to lessen God's name in the world, that's not a physical value, that's a spiritual one. To take revenge against them is to place a premium and hold spirituality and God's name, קידוש השם kiddush Hashem, to a premium, therefore it has value. The כלי יקר Kli Yakar develops this whole idea, you could read it inside for yourself. I'll tell you ספר החינוך Sefer HaChinuch, מצוה רמ\"ז mitzva reish mem zayin. Says ספר החינוך Sefer HaChinuch in מצוה רמ\"ז mitzva reish mem zayin, says, you know why you can't take revenge? Very interesting. He says, if you take revenge, you deny God's existence. It's an unbelievable ספר החינוך Sefer HaChinuch. Why? Because let's say somebody hurt me. Somebody did something hurtful for me. Somebody started a tired email through the שול shul all about the rabbi and something bad about him, let's say. So if I now try to, I know, let's say I know who that person is, I'm going to make sure they never get an עליה aliyah again. I'm going to make sure they're embarrassed thoroughly. I'm going to make sure their בר מצוה bar mitzvah doesn't go as smoothly as everybody else's. I'm going to make sure, I'm going to take revenge. Says the ספר החינוך Sefer HaChinuch, listen to his words, I'll read to you in the English. \"At the root of the precept lies the purpose that a man should know and reflect that whatever happens to him, good or bad, is caused by the eternal Lord, blessed is He. For a human hand from a man's brother's hand, nothing can be without the will of God. Therefore, should a man inflict suffering or pain on him, let him know in his soul that his bad deeds were the cause, that God decreed this above him. Let him not see his thoughts to take revenge from him.\" It's an unbelievable ספר החינוך Sefer HaChinuch. I should know that nobody, nobody on earth could embarrass me by sending an email about me if God wasn't okay with it. So if somebody sent an email around that was embarrassing to me, it must be God willed it. And if God willed it, there's something for me to learn from it. So now, should I hold the other person accountable? Absolutely. Should I have the president of the שול shul call them in and tell them and warn them and demand an apology? Absolutely. The ספר החינוך Sefer HaChinuch is not suggesting that we not hold people accountable for their actions. Accountability is different than revenge. We hold people accountable but never take revenge, because to take revenge is to assume that that person had the power to hurt me and God's out of the equation. And if I knock God out of the equation, I'm a heretic. But I should use it as a moment of personal growth to say, if that painful thing happened to me, that individual embarrassed me in public or whatever the case is, it must be God willed it. There's something for me to learn from it. So I'm going to hold them accountable, but I'm never going to take revenge. It's a brilliant ספר החינוך Sefer HaChinuch, and it's an important ספר החינוך Sefer HaChinuch in terms of our perspective in life. The last thing that I wanted to talk about, which we don't really have time for, maybe we'll start with it next year, is ואהבת לרעך כמוך v'ahavta l'reacha kamocha. It's not a coincidence, רש\"י Rashi says אמר רבי עקיבא, זה כלל גדול בתורה amar Rabbi Akiva, zeh klal gadol baTorah. We all know the song, the statement from the מדרש תנחומא Midrash Tanchuma. רבי עקיבא Rabbi Akiva taught, this is the most important principle in all of Torah: love your neighbor as yourself. How do you do it? It's impossible. We can't love anyone as much as we love ourselves by definition. But I want to just point out, it's not a coincidence that רבי עקיבא Rabbi Akiva is the one who came to this conclusion. רבי עקיבא Rabbi Akiva buried 24,000 students. I can't shave my stinking, itchy neck because רבי עקיבא Rabbi Akiva buried 24,000 students. That's why we mourn during ספירה Sefirah. Why were they buried? What did they do wrong? שלא נהגו כבוד זה בזה Shelo nahagu kavod zeh bazeh. They were learning Torah, and they were observing Torah, but they didn't know how to show basic respect to one another. And רבי עקיבא Rabbi Akiva who lost and mourned and buried and saw what happens when people don't love each other, came to the conclusion, ואהבת לרעך כמוך, זה כלל גדול בתורה v'ahavta l'reacha kamocha, zeh klal gadol baTorah. It's not a coincidence that it's the same רבי עקיבא Rabbi Akiva. Maybe we'll start with this next year. I want to get into how do you fulfill this מצוה mitzva of ואהבת לרעך כמוך v'ahavta l'reacha kamocha? It should say ואהבת רעך כמוך v'ahavta re'acha kamocha, love your neighbor. Why לרעך l'reacha? Love to your neighbor as you do yourself. Why is the למד lamed there? And lastly, the שפת אמת Sfas Emes had a brilliant insight, that that statement, ואהבת לרעך כמוך v'ahavta l'reacha kamocha, presumes, love your neighbor as yourself, presumes you love yourself. And many people don't take that for granted. Some have no problem loving themselves, need to learn themselves to learn to love themselves a little less. But there are many people who beat themselves up and who think that they're not allowed to love themselves. And this מצוה mitzva is teaching us, love your neighbor as yourself, begin by learning to love yourself in a healthy way, and then apply that love to others as well. So we'll start with this with God's help next year. Have a great שבת Shabbos.
