Transcript
Okay, good morning, Boker Tov. Welcome back to Living with Emuna. Thank you all for adjusting your week. Summer's going to be a little bit erratic when we're meeting and learning. I'm trying my best never to cancel, not for you, but really for me, because I need the class more than anyone. So I'm trying my best, but pay attention, if you're not in the WhatsApp group, join the WhatsApp group because that's where we post the schedule each week. You can join the WhatsApp group at rabbiefremgoldberg.org/whatsapp. All of our WhatsApp groups, the tech challenge is continuing. We're doing it instead of every day, we finished our 30-day challenge, but we're doing it on Monday for the week. I just posted today's challenge for the week, so those who are in it will see it after Shiur. Amuna series is generously sponsored by Dr. Zvi and Bela Morgan in memory of Rabbi Dr. Brian Galbut, in memory of Bela's mother, Dr. Ellen Chanzer, and in honor of our holy and precious Chayalim. Hashem should protect them while they protect us. Of course, we remain incredibly grateful to the Morgans for their generosity. The series is also generously sponsored anonymously in memory of the fallen soldiers and alumni of בני דוד מכינה ישיבת עלי. This week highlighting Yishai Rivlin who grew up in Yerushalayim, studied at Yeshiva Bnei David. On in January 2019 on reserve duty, he was killed at the age of 33, survived by his wife Tamar and their three children. He was remembered for his devotion, quiet responsibility, and dedicated service to his country, and we dedicate our learning to his memory. This morning's Shiur is also dedicated by the Zimbalist family in memory of אלי משה השם יקום דמו, his second Yahrtzeit, a holy precious soldier, Eli Moshe from a very special family, the Zimbalists. I've known them most of my life and the Shiur is dedicated in his memory, though I say about our soldiers, we don't need to dedicate to the elevation of their Neshama because the Neshama can't go any higher. Our tradition teaches those who die Al Kiddush Hashem, certainly those who die protecting our people, the Neshama is right next to the Kisei Hakavod, it's right next to Hashem. Our learning is in his memory, but not to elevate his Neshama, it can't go any higher, it's really that his family find strength and comfort on his second Yahrtzeit. And by Shmuel and Esther Shaiowitz, le-ilui nishmas his father יעקב יהודה בן גדליה, zechus refuah sheleima for her mother בת שבע בת בלומא רבקה. We thank all of our generous sponsors. We'll begin as we always do with some emails. It was a short week, we had Shavuos and it's Monday not Wednesday, so we weren't inundated and Hashem did that so that I can get to that email I've been wanting to read, my sister's friend's Yom Hazikaron experience. But first I want to tell you a story. So my daughter came home for Yom Tov from New York, she's at Touro University, and she was in the elevator heading to the airport. She had her suitcase and a bag on top of the suitcase and as the doors of the elevator closed, she felt something fall out of the bag on top of the suitcase which was open. She didn't know what was on top of the bag, she didn't know what fell out and where it went. But when she checked that bag on top of her suitcase, lo and behold it was her laptop. And somehow her laptop fell out of her bag and fell at an angle that it fit exactly in the slot in the elevator shaft and her laptop fell out of her bag down the elevator. So she got to the bottom, got in her Uber headed to the airport and called her parents. Oh that's right, she first went to the security at the desk of Touro and she said what happened and she said if maintenance somehow can get into the elevator shaft and see if they could find the laptop. And they told her they're not here right now but we'll leave a note for them to do it and the odds of the laptop surviving falling down an elevator shaft and the elevator coming down and crushing it are slim to none, but no problem leave your number. So with that, she headed to the airport and called us and she told us what happened and said, 'Abba, my laptop is where it's meant to be,' which is the danger of teaching this Shiur every week. The laptop is where it's meant to be. And she was about to order a new one with our permission. I think before the elevator got to the lobby, she was about to order a new one. But she waited to call us. We said, 'You know what, let's wait and see, who knows.' And the next day she woke up to a message from maintenance. They found the laptop and it turns on and it's working, a little wobbly, a little wobbly, but it's working. So you see, Hashem is amazing. Our reaction was amazing, but I'm not supposed to speak about that. Yeah, we were calm, that was pretty impressive, that was pretty good. But that is actually, I will speak about that, not about myself but about the Rebbetzin, about her mother. But no, the truth is I will speak about it only to say that we talk all the time about the benefits of living with Emuna, of what it does for our happiness, we're not envious and jealous, we're not arrogant, we're not angry, we're centered, we're focused, we know that all that happens is from Hashem and therefore we don't have to live this life of tension. And there are so many benefits and they're all one hundred percent absolutely true. But here's another one: it improves our parenting and it improves our marriage because we have the ability to say... Member of my family a few years ago already was driving my car and another car hit the person and damaged the car. But he called, I said, \"You okay? That's the most important thing. A car's just a car, we'll get it fixed, it's okay.\" I won a lot of points with that reaction. I won a lot of points with that reaction. And this one too, but it's easy to have that reaction when you realize that that's what Hashem wanted. Should you have closed the bag on top of the suitcase? Probably. Accident that could have been avoided? Maybe. But if Hashem, how unusual. If you tried a hundred times to drop your laptop and have it land exactly to fit down the little slot for the elevator shaft, out of a hundred times how many times do you think you could get it to do it? I say zero. I say zero. Your laptop wobbly, all it has to do is shift a tiny angle and it won't fit. You could try a thousand times, I'm not sure you could get it. So you realize that that was somehow Hashem. So you take a deep breath. Little spoiler alert: the challenge for the week. You take a deep breath, take a little neshima to restore your neshama, and in that breath, you breathe in Hashem is here, and you breathe out, \"I'm in control.\" Hashem is here, Hashem is in me, and therefore I'm in control. Whatever the situation is: flight's delayed, you didn't get the seat, the oven broke on erev Yom Tov, your cheesecake didn't come out the way you wanted, you take a deep whatever it is, big or small. God forbid, you're waiting for the biopsy result. Big, big. Or your laptop fell down the elevator shaft, relatively small, depending on what's on that laptop, but relatively small. Breathe in, Hashem is here, he's in me, and therefore I can regulate my reaction. I can regulate my reaction. I regulate my response. Responsibility, the root of the word response. I control my response. Am I going to yell and flip out at my kid? I once, I'm going to get in big trouble for this, many years ago, hasn't happened since, my wife maybe was a little bit of a heavy foot on the gas pedal. She called me, she's like, \"Ephraim, I got pulled over, there's a policeman behind me.\" Do you remember this? It was years ago. I said, \"Why were you speeding? I can't believe it. And didn't you notice the sign?\" She said, \"Yeah, do you think I called you because I now needed a lecture on not speeding?\" She said, \"I'm looking in the rearview mirror and there are lights flashing, and there is a scary man writing a ticket. I didn't call you because I need you to tell me that, I look in the rearview mirror and I know. That I know.\" I learned a huge lesson. I learned a huge lesson that day. I haven't needed to repeat it since, God forbid, but I used the learn and it was similar here. Someone calls you, your child calls you, something happened. They don't need a lecture in that moment, they need you to be calm, cool, collect, and care about them. Are they okay? What's going to be? And how can you do that though? Because the second you hear it, you say, \"What? What were you doing? How did that happen? Why did you behave that way? Why weren't you more careful? How could that be?\" How? Neshama and neshima. You restore your neshama with your neshima. You take a deep breath. Breathe in, I've got it, Hashem is in me, I'm tzelem elokim, I'm in control. Breathe out, and therefore I can choose. Right now, you step on a Lego in the middle of the night. Cruel and unusual punishment, that is a hate crime. Have you ever stepped on a Lego in the middle of the night barefoot? I think that if we capture our enemies, terrorists, forget waterboarding, we should spread Legos on a floor, turn the lights off, and make them walk around barefoot. They'll tell us everything we want to know. That's how painful it is to step on a Lego in the middle of the night. You could scream and yell and \"Who left it here? Who didn't clean up? How could this happen? How could this be?\" Or take a deep breath. Deep breath. So our tech challenge this week is each time you pick up your phone, before, take a deep breath. And in that deep breath, decide, \"Do I need to be picking up my phone?\" The answer is yes, which it often will be, then proceed. But at least you'll be regulated and centered and returned to our neutral, to our soul, or neshama with our neshima. Anyway, so yes, a little pat on the back, yes, I'm patting myself on the back, patting ourselves on the back. Good reaction. But I'm crediting you. It's only the emuna shiur. It's because we're working on this that we can control. How we react to our spouse, to our children, to our boss, to our coworker, to our employee, to everyone and everything in the world, we can control how we react and the best way to do it is that breath. Restore that neshama with that neshima. On the way in, I got it, I'm tzelem elokim. I'm not an animal, I don't have to indulge impulse, I don't have to give in to instinct. And with the breath out, therefore I can choose. Dear Rabbi Goldberg, we had the most amazing Yom Tov ever! But we had a fire. Let me explain. Not \"we were on fire,\" that would be the best Yom Tov ever! \"We were on fire!\" But we had a fire. It was time for candle lighting Friday night and we stood the little Chanukah candle up in a holder. Sat down to wait for my mom to get dressed before heading down the block to sit with my sister and nieces in their house. When my mom was ready, I asked her if she would mind if I finished reading the chapter of my... my book before we left. As we relaxed a little bit longer than intended, my fire alarm began blaring. The house was not smoky and we jumped up to handle and investigate. Finally came to see the dining room was completely smoke and soot filled and the small candle we had used had ignited the holder and its surroundings. Had we left the house immediately after my mom had gotten dressed as planned and not felt a lazy need to stay home, we surely would have had a destructive fire rather than a small simple one. There was no more comforting feeling than knowing that Hashem is right here visible with us, keeping us safe, walking with us each day. I kissed my front door mezuzah about five times last night after that incident, repeating \"I love you Hashem, thank you Hashem, I love you Hashem.\" I have to, forgot to bring the stickers. \"I love you Hashem, thank you Hashem.\" Thank you Rabbi Goldberg so much for helping us stretch our emuna muscles so we can be zoche to continue to see amazing nissim in front of our eyes. You gotta work out those muscles to see Hashem, extend that antenna, pick up the signal, and you gotta be careful on yom tov. Some people are not, and nah, it's just a match, it's burning out, what's the problem? I can't imagine, if you leave the house, chas v'shalom, the holder that you left it in could catch on fire, the little glass could explode, you never know what could happen. You gotta be extremely, extremely careful. But we share the gratitude with the author of that email that Hashem was watching and made them lazy. Don't learn from here that laziness is such a virtue, but sometimes you look back and say that desire to read one more chapter that came from somewhere and I didn't have to, and had we left immediately, who knows what could have happened, and thank you Hashem. Dear Rabbi Goldberg, hope all's well. I've been listening to the shiurim for the past couple of months now. Debated writing, today I decided to, I want to share a story I've experienced last year, made a huge impact on me. My parents always had a rule: no shana bet. So the fact that my parents allowed me to go was pretty much a miracle within itself. I really saw the hand of Hashem in that situation. But my parents' condition was if they were to let me go, they didn't give me an allowance again as in shana alef I was given a large allowance each month. My parents couldn't do that another year, which I understood and gratefully agreed to babysit and use that money. That's the best thing that ever happened for this person. I had the same deal. I went back shana bet, I had to write a long letter to make the argument why, delay college and pushing off my life, and the deal was at that time I needed to be able to pay my own spending money. So I gave haircuts in the dorm. I learned how to give haircuts, actually shana alef I got my spending money by giving haircuts, which I still do today, some members of our family. Gave haircuts, shana bet I upped my game and I got a deep fryer and I made and sold French fries from the dormitory. Entrepreneurship, entrepreneurship. But anyway, that was the deal. I could go back, I had to make my own spending money, and if I went shana bet I wouldn't be able to come home for Pesach because there's only enough to send me there and back once, not both ways. So I know what that's like and I look back at my life and I say I am who I am because at a young age I learned how to work, take responsibility, earn, be independent. The pride that comes with that, the work ethic that comes with that. I don't regret that and I don't resent that. I'm incredibly grateful for that and so should the author of this email be. So I packed up my things, headed to the airport. There was around fifty dollars in my bank account. I didn't know where the money would end up coming from, but I had confidence Hashem would provide. As I arrive at the airport, steward came over and said we were overbooked. Would you be willing to take the night flight? If you do, we'll put you in first class and give twenty-one hundred dollars. Originally my flight to Israel was booked for a pretty weird time that would have left me jet lagged. The new flight landed at such a good time I would avoid jet lag. For that alone I agreed. I live thirty minutes from the airport, so I went back home. I got to see my grandparents, which I would have missed because the flight in, they flew in, and I went back later that night. I took a much more comfortable flight and three weeks later that twenty-one hundred was wired into my account. This is a story where I did see an ending and I did see Hashem's hand very clearly, but I've also been learning a lot about emuna and I don't like the whole idea that emuna exists only when I got to see it my way. That's not how it works. I can't only say I have emuna and believe in Hashem when the story ends like this. You gotta believe when things are hard and painful, and I know why I'm going through a challenge and I've been experiencing situations that have been testing me. I'll admit I got angry at Him. Some days I open my siddur, I can't say everything, I'm so angry and confused and in question. At least I'm upset and confused and question about Hashem. I know that He's in control, I fully believe that Hashem is there in the stories where you see His hand and the stories where you don't see His hand. But that's a nice little twenty-one hundred dollar wink and nod from Hashem and first class. Not bad, not bad. That's a nice little wink and nod from Hashem. Okay, lastly I'm going to read to you this incredible story and then we'll get back into our learning perek kaf-gimmel. Rav Shaul Alter, the Ger Rosh Yeshiva. Last week was Yom Hazikaron, she wrote at the time, a day when the entire nation pauses together to commemorate our fallen soldiers and victims of terror. Over the past two years, I've been making a pilgrimage to Har Herzl, Israel's National Military Cemetery in Yerushalayim. I participate in a tour to learn about individual heroes buried there and I pay my own respects to fallen soldiers including soldiers whose funerals I attended, whose families I know, and to whom I feel connected. In each of those years, the Israeli Air Force fly over. which immediately follows the national siren and two minutes of silence, has left me breathless. Just at that moment the siren dies down, those at Har Herzl are awestruck as four low-flying fighter jets thunder overhead. As the jets reach Har Herzl, one symbolically falls away from the formation. The other three pilots travel on with their brother. I never knew that. Could only imagine that image. This year there was an additional reason I wanted to visit Har Herzl on Yom HaZikaron. My son, Zakharia, recently enlisted in the IDF and he was going to be at Har Herzl in uniform on duty. The IDF assigns each current soldier an individual fallen soldier to stand by his grave as an honor guard. When the family of the fallen arrive to visit their loved one, they find a young soldier keeping watch. They see the IDF and the nation of Israel eternally grateful and will never forget the ultimate sacrifice their loved one and they themselves have made. להיות עם חופשי בארצנו so that we may live as a free people in our land. Zakharia was assigned to a fallen soldier who was born in Moscow in 1984 and made aliyah to Israel at the age of six. This soldier was a kind and brilliant boy, a talented violin player and chess player, and a military history buff. His big heart motivated him to volunteer from the age of 15 for the ambulance corps, Magen David Adom, where he eventually became a paramedic. He spent countless days and nights on call, saving lives and bestowing compassion. He dreamed of being a combat soldier but was deemed ineligible, but he didn't give up. He worked and labored until he qualified for combat service and became a combat medic in the IDF paratrooper unit. On August 8th, 2006, during the Second Lebanon War, Hezbollah terrorists struck his unit's armored personnel carrier with an RPG. He was 21 years old. My Zakharia had recently begun basic training as a paratrooper. I had not been able to contact Zakharia to coordinate seeing him on Har Herzl. I did not know who his assigned soldier was or how I could possibly find him among the estimated 200,000 people who visited that day. The scene at Har Herzl was overwhelmingly emotional; the crowds were enormous. My eyes were clouded by tears but I kept one out for Zakharia, though I realized it was not realistic I would ever find him. Not long after I arrived, in the distance, I noticed a figure. Tall, familiar, my heart hesitated; it couldn't be. As the figure drew closer I reached for my glasses and once I slipped them on, I could not believe what I was beholding: my son. My paratrooper, standing there in uniform, olive green, belt over shirt, red boots planted on sacred ground. His embrace was everything at once; pride, relief, joy, and something deeper I could not name. I knew that he had been awakened before the crack of dawn that morning, was physically and emotionally exhausted from his training and the gravity of the day. I'd just started my tour but offered to break away and drive him home. No, Ma, it's okay, I want you to continue your tour, he demurred. I'll take a bus. I persisted, but so did Zakharia. He walked off into the sea of people searching for a way home. Immediately I was gripped with regret. Why didn't I drive Zakharia home? I kept asking myself. Soon I would learn why. As Zakharia approached a street bus stop, he heard someone shouting in his direction. Get in! He lifted his eyes to see our friend and neighbor, Milty, happened to be passing by in his car at that very moment, caught a glimpse of Zakharia, pulled over his car, stopped traffic, and offered him a ride home. Zakharia hopped in. Among Milty's extraordinary virtues, accomplishments, and experience, he is an officer in the paratrooper reserves who fought in the First Lebanon War. Every Yom HaZikaron he goes to visit friends he lost during that war and others. He took his children with him each year until his children grew up and had friends of their own to visit. As Milty and Zakharia were traveling home, Milty's phone rang. It was his own son, Gilad. Aba, he said, every year I make sure to visit the grave of my friend, Philip Moscow, and say Tehillim there. But I had so many people to visit this year I wasn't able to make it to Philip's grave. Gilad and Philip were friends growing up in the town of Ma'ale Adumim and the two boys volunteered together in Magen David Adom. Milty knew Philip from the neighborhood too and remembered him fondly. Gilad is now 40 years old, Philip Moscow would have been 41. By any chance, Aba, Gilad continued, did you get a chance to visit Philip today? No, Milty replied, I'm so sorry. I also had too many people to visit; I didn't make it to Philip's grave. It's okay, Aba, I understand, Gilad said. As Milty continued driving, he turned to Zakharia. So who did you visit today? Who was your assigned soldier? Zakharia answered, Philip Moscow. What? Asked Milty incredulously. And what did you do while standing guard? Spoke to his family a little bit, but mostly I said Tehillim. Out of the thousands of soldiers buried on Har Herzl, we thought it was random that Zakharia was assigned to Philip Moscow. We thought it was random Zakharia and I happened across paths among the throngs of people at the cemetery. We thought it was random that after I for some reason allowed Zakharia to persuade me not to drive him, he arrived at the bus stop at the split second Milty was passing by. And we thought it was random that Gilad happened to call Milty and ask about Philip during Milty's ride home with Zakharia. But none of it was random at all. Milty later called Gilad back. Gilad, I know you wanted to say Tehillim at Philip's grave today. I want you to know that Hashem sent a soldier. My neighbor from around the corner, to say those Tehillim for you. May the memory of Philip Moscow, דוד חנוך שלמה בן שלמה לב, and all of our soldiers be for a blessing. May Hashem grant and protect all our soldiers in service and crown them with victory, and may there be no more fallen soldiers to visit next year or any year on Har Herzl. Another one of those amazing stories, a string of seeming coincidences all carefully choreographed, orchestrated from above. And I'll add one more, which is today is Memorial Day in America, and you know I've been holding onto that and wanting to read it, but haven't had the chance until today. I know it's Memorial Day in America, and it's a day we should pause and express our gratitude to the fallen soldiers of this great country, the Malchus Shel Chessed we spoke about on Shavuot, Rav Moshe Feinstein called it, this incredible kingdom of kindness that we live in, that has given the Jewish people greater freedom and kindness than any other until now, and the soldiers who protected that, American soldiers, US military, whom we daven for, and we express our gratitude to those fallen soldiers. But it's not a coincidence on this Memorial Day to read of that Memorial Day, I think is maybe the last in the string of seeming coincidences that also were all orchestrated from above, another very, very powerful story. Okay, let's get into it. You have handouts here if you want to follow, and I posted them online in the group if you are listening online or later. We're on the bottom of the second page of our handout. שליט\"א דגור ראש ישיבה. We're learning about Kapittel Chaf Gimmel, מזמור לדוד ה' רועי לא אחסר, Hashem is my shepherd, I shall not lack, I shall not lack knowing you're my shepherd. God caused me to lie down in lush pastures, in grass, animal food. Why animal food? Because the metaphor, the image is that we are God's sheep. We're sheep, we're animals. We surrender, we submit, He's in charge, He's in control, He's the shepherd. He puts us back on the path, He sends us back where we're going, gives us a little nudge, shivtecha umishantecha. He uses a staff, He uses a rod, He gives us a little nudge, He pushes us back on, He pushes us back on the path, He gets us going where we're going. But ultimately, we are His sheep, He's our shepherd, and just like the sheep surrender and follow the direction of the shepherd and trust that the path is the right one, and that the shepherd is interested in protecting and preserving and feeding and nourishing, we too bring that same attitude, mentality. Hashem is my shepherd, lo echsar, I'm not lacking. Whatever I have is what I need, whatever I have is what's meant for me, whatever I have is what's right in this, in this moment. And then we saw Sfas Emes quotes a Chiddushei Harim, ברוך הגבר אשר יבטח בה', what's the difference? Baruch hagever, blessed, fortunate is the person who puts their trust in Hashem and Hashem is the source of their trust. And the Heilige Bashtam said, it was just his Yahrtzeit on Shavuot, the holy Ba'al Shem Tov said that it's not just we put our trust in Hashem and He's the answer, the source of our trust, there are three things, boteach, mavtiach, and mivtach, and we should realize that yes, we show our effort, we take our initiative, we call the shadchan, and we go to work, and we make the doctor's appointment, but at the end of the day it ain't the doctor, it's not the shadchan, and it's not on our entrepreneurship. Hashem is the one who delivers the money, the medicine, or the shidduch. Our initiative is what's the key that opens the gate, but we should never attribute ourselves or take the credit or the blame for that matter, really it all comes from, it all comes from Hashem. Brings us to the bottom paragraph on page two, or numbered page 71 in the sefer that we took this excerpt from. דבר זהו יסוד האמונה, and this is the foundation of faith, foundation of trust that we put in Hashem. שהנחיל הבעל שם טוב לחסידים אחריו. This is the great contribution of the Bashtam. We observed his Yahrtzeit on Shavuot. I spoke at Seudah Shlishis this year, Shavuot coincided with Shabbos, so we got a Rava D'Ravin, we got a holy Seudah Shlishis out of it. And I mentioned the beautiful teaching that first day of Shavuot corresponds with Torah Shebichtav, the receipt of the Torah of the written Torah. Second day of Shavuot corresponds with the receipt, receiving of Torah Sheba'al Peh, the oral Torah, the rabbinic Torah. And then the death of the Bashtam, the Ba'al Shem taught us receiving the Torah of Pnimiyus, the Torah of Chassidus. We have the written Torah, the oral Torah, and the Torah of going deep, the Torah of Pnimiyus, the Torah of not just performing mitzvos, not being performative. We talk about performing. Mitzvos aren't meant to be performed, any more than love and marriage and parenting is meant to be performed. It's meant to be felt and lived. It's meant to be experienced. It's meant to be a deep, deep connection to go deep with the Ribono Shel Olam, to not keep it shallow. I gave tzedakah, I did my davening, check for my Tehillim, I did my mitzvah, but to go deep, deep, deep. The word tzavtzah, which is the root of the... The word Mitzvah, Tzivui, Metzaveh, doesn't mean commandment and commander, it means connection. Tzavtzah is a connection, it's a bridge between heaven and earth, it's a connection between me and the Almighty. When we do a Mitzvah, it's a connection. When our spouse asks us to do something and we do it, you can do it in a superficial, shallow way, \"Yeah, so I did it, check, I got it done,\" or you can say, \"When I do it and it's something you asked for, I feel more connected to you.\" Especially if it made no sense to me, or wasn't something I wanted to be doing in that moment, or wasn't comfortable and wasn't convenient and I didn't want it, and I did it anyway. I did, I got out of bed to make sure the garbage was at the curb, or got out of bed to make sure the doors were locked, or got out of bed to make sure your son was asleep. And you didn't feel like it because you were ready and you were on your way, you were about to pass out, and you still hadn't recovered from Shavuos night. But you do it anyway, you feel closer to the person who asked you to do it. And hopefully that person feels closer to you. That's a Mitzvah, Tzavtzah, it's connection, it's connection. So the Baal Shem Tov, so that's the Torah of Pnimiyus. The Torah of Pnimiyus is not to perform Mitzvos. That's a terrible word, we should never use that word. You know, actors perform in a play, and they're acting as someone who they aren't. They put on a mask, a costume, and they're acting. The word persona is Latin for mask. Sometimes we don a persona, we put on a mask, and we're performative in how we interact with the world. Don't perform Mitzvos. Don't do it superficially and externally. Don't do it as a performance, don't be an actor. Go deep, be authentic, authentic, real, real. We recorded yesterday Behind the Bimah, will come out in a few weeks with Chaim Gouri who was here, scholar-in-residence with our teens over Shavuos. He's a musician, he's written beautiful music, beautiful songs, and he's someone we talked all about his experience at the Waterbury Yeshiva of Rav Kalish, that movement, and what teens need today. And he describes, well, spoiler alert, but that teens are desperate for authenticity, authentic relationships, not this performance, not superficial, not just being, they want people to go deep with them, they want to be authentic and true and real, they want to be seen and validated. Authenticity, that's this generation. This generation wants honesty, not this performance, not acting or doing what we think the world wants us to see or be or do, but go deep and be real and be authentic. It's a great conversation, looking forward to your hearing it, mixed in with some guitar and some music and how he wrote it and where it came from. Really fantastic. Authentic, authentic. So the Baal Shem Tov introduced the world to going deep, going deep. That doesn't mean beforehand Jews didn't go deep, of course they did, but a new language and the vocabulary of that in our generation. Of course they did it before him, but he gave us that new vocabulary, way of understanding it, of the Pnimiyus, of going deep. שהריבונו של עולם הוא כח התנועה, that the Almighty, the Master of the Universe, is the koach, the force of motion. וכל מה שקורה קורה ממנו יתברך שמו, and everything that happens happens from Him. Everything that happens, כל מה שקורה קורה ממנו, and for the person who at that Shabbos lunch we had a long discussion, even the turtle sighting. I got a follow-up email from the Baalas HaTurtle. I got a follow-up email from the turtle lady, she heard my discussion, \"Is the turtle really from Hashem?\" That delicate balance short of witchcraft and sorcery and kishuf and not believing in omens and signs and horoscopes, we don't believe in any of that. So how do you live a life where we dismiss horoscopes and fortune cookies and psychic friends network, but on the other hand we interpret when we say, \"Hashem help me, show me a sign, something I can connect to, something I feel close to,\" and then that very thing that always comforted us, there it is, right in front of our—she sent me a follow-up email with another turtle, she agrees, she accepts it, and then she saw another, another turtle. So here the Baal Shem Tov said she's right, וכל מה שקורה קורה ממנו יתברך שמו. Whatever happened, the gate agent said, \"Can we put you in first class and give you $2100 if you fly a little bit later?\" Was that just a coincidence, chance, random? You were randomly selected. You know how you're running late or you think you're easing through TSA and all of a sudden the thing goes off and you say, \"I was so careful, no liquids, I got no money in my pocket, no change, what happened?\" You've been randomly selected for additional screening. You know what you do in that moment? Take a deep breath. There is nothing random. I haven't been randomly selected. Thank you, Hashem, you just selected me. I guess I need to screen myself a little bit more. And how we react, you can control your reaction in that moment. A deep breath. Random, there's no random selection. כל מה שקורה קורה ממנו. Everything that happens happens from Him. לא שהשם יתברך ברא את העולם ועומד בצד ומשגיח. Unlike the attitude and unlike the philosophy, there is one that says that God, the master of the universe, He created the world, He's the source of existence, He pressed start, He pressed go, He set the world in motion, and then He sat on the side, and then He watched. ובמשל גשמי יש לו את הכפתורי הפעלה. And in the physical metaphor, He's got the buttons, but He sits on the side and He watches. We have a magnificent campus going up. It's going to be incredible. I can't wait to be in it, not because of the aesthetic or the or the comforts, but what we're going to do together with it, how we're going to change the world and teach Torah and host community and do chesed and inspire youth. I can't wait. I'm so excited. So that building that's going up right here, this building has an architect, and the building has a builder, and the building has a decor and a designer, and guess what's going to happen come November, December, please God when we move in. What's going to happen with the relationship then with them going forward? We'll probably never see them again. Maybe, who knows? If they're curious, they want to check in, they want to feel pride, maybe they'll drive by, but unlikely. Maybe we won't even, hope they're not listening, remember their name. Of course we will, we'll always be grateful to them vechulei vechulei. But we'll likely move on. Who built this building? Who built this room we're sitting in right now? Who was the architect? Who was the builder? Who was the designer? Because one can see disorder go to order, chaos go to order, and know there's an architect, there's a designer, there's a builder. You know there's a source, you know it's not accidental. You know it's not nature. We've discussed in the past, the third law of thermodynamics, entropy, when disorder goes to order there's a designer, there's a cause, we've discussed it. We look at this world and we know it didn't come to be by chance or coincidence. We know there's a designer, but maybe the designer like the architect, like the builder, like the decorator, maybe Hashem created the world and then He moved on to His next project. Maybe He set the world in motion and then He pulled back and said, \"Now I want to watch, now I'm going to watch.\" אלא כל ההוויה של העולם בכל רגע ורגע בנויה מכוח הרצון התמידי שלו. Said the Baal Shem Tov, taught the Baal Shem Tov, no! He didn't press go, He didn't press start, He didn't give the certificate of occupancy and then pull out and move on to the next job. He is involved, intimately, every day, everything. Our existence is only because the continued will, His continued will. If He would stop willing our existence, we would cease being here. It is an ongoing, ongoing relationship. He is intimately involved in everything, every leaf that falls in your pool. Chazal say every time you reach in your pocket, you wanted a quarter but you pulled out a dime. Everything that happens, everything. The laptop fell down the elevator shaft, but the laptop also survived. It was all a test to see how your parents would react. Everything that happens is from above. Everything. Because if He ceased having the interaction, willing our existence, we would cease to be. I've told you before the Baal Tanya's example. If I told you right now, close your eyes and picture a red sports car. Does the red sports car exist? Yes, in your imagination. The image of a red sports car exists in your imagination. What happens when you open your eyes again and you look at me and listen to me and you stop thinking about the red sports car? Does it continue to exist? It stops. We are Hashem's imagination. We are images in Hashem's imagination. So long as He imagines us, we are here. If He were to stop, poof, we would cease to exist. Said the Baal Shem, that means to say that everything that happens is from Him, everything that happens is from above, everything that happens is His continued relationship. כשמחדירים אמונה זו בעומק הלב. So if we know that and we plant that and we place that and we embed that and we encode that in the depth of our being, יכולים לייחס לו יתברך שמו כל הסיבות וכל הפעולות. He is, then we can relate and identify and connect to Him as the source of all. kol hasibos. What's a siba? A reason, He's the reason. Why'd this happen? He's the reason. But why? He's the reason. sibas hasibos, Yishai Ribo, the great song, sibas hasibos. He is the reason of the reasons. sibas hasibos. He is the reasons of the reasons. vechol hapeulos. And all the actions, שלעין החיצוני נדמה שהם גורם לפרנסה. So on the outside it looks like, you know why I earned this parnassah? Me! I'm a great entrepreneur, I'm a big... Business whiz, I make great deals, I'm a master negotiator, my success is mine. I know which stock to invest in, when to go in and when to sell and get out. No. Yes, but who gave you that skill? Who made it work out that way? How many people were just as smart, worked just as hard, and it didn't turn out that way? היסוד הנפלא שכל מה שקורה בהאי עלמא וכל פעולת האדם הכל ממנו יתברך שמו. Who, gam b'ruchanius? The success that we have to attribute directly to him physically, in the material world. Why are your hips and knees working and someone else your age who lived the same lifestyle as you is going for hip surgery? Why? You're so great? You are, but there's someone else who had the same lifestyle, ate the same foods, maintained the same diet, worked out the same amount and they're doing just fine, and you need surgery, or you're doing just fine and they need surgery. Why? You need to know it's all him. It's all from above. For whatever reason you're meant to need to learn to walk again, to take steps and to learn to walk again. And that person doesn't. And both parties need to know it comes from him. If all's hunky-dory and all's well and you're blessed and should be every day wake up modeh ani, wow! I can walk. Wow! I can walk. Because when you can't is when you realize the effort it takes to make it across the room. When I tore my Achilles and had to have surgery and was on a knee scooter and did rehab for six months and it was miserable and I couldn't carry my own cup of coffee from the coffee machine to my desk. Then you learn to say Hamachin Mitz'adei Gaver. Wow, then you learn to make a bracha. Hashem who organizes the footsteps of a person. To take simple footsteps. What a miracle. So both the person for whom it all works out and wakes up and it's all working, wow, don't take it for granted. That gratitude, unbelievable. My eyes, my ears, my hips, my knees. Tempted to sing the song which bones are connected to the other bones, but I won't. I won't sing Baruch Hagever and I won't sing the hip bone's connected to, I won't sing it. But wake up every day. Wow, whatever else is going wrong, if all that's going right and those things are the main thing, wow. Wow. Gratitude. But even the person who it's a little bit off, gotta go for that surgery, gotta get that checked, gotta have that thing fixed, also, that's not a coincidence, it's not chance, it's not random. It is from above. So that's true in the physical realm. It's true about what we have, it's true about how we feel, it's true about who we are. Gam b'ruchanius, writes the Shelah HaKadosh. It's also true spiritually. It's true where we're holding spiritually. That we need to know היסוד הנפלא שכל מה שקורה בהאי עלמא גם ברוחניות עד כדי שאפילו בבחירה שאדם בוחר בטוב לקיים תורה ומצוות ובוחר למאוס ברע לא לעשות עבירות גם הבחירה והרצון הוא מכח הבורא יתברך שמו. Where do we get the strength? How come for some it was easier to do the tech challenge and for others it was hard? How come for some davening comes easy? They love and they run to open the siddur and open the tehillim and they dwell on their davening and they connect, and for others I don't know what they're talking about, I don't feel connected, I don't want to do it, I fly through it as quickly as possible, this doesn't mean anything to me. Even that comes from Hashem. Not only success or struggle physically, success or struggle spiritually also is from above. ורק נטיה קטנה שבלב ובכח האדם והיא נקודה מאוד מצומצמת מאוד נעלמת. This small, what we call the nekudas habechira, Rav Dessler has a whole essay on bechirah chafshis, Rav Dessler calls the nekudas habechira. There is a small point, a place of choice in us, that's the place where we take that deep breath, the place between the stimulus and the response. We forfeit, we concede, we fail to realize we have that little place. When we want to reach for those potato chips late at night or when we want to react by screaming and getting angry or when we want to feel envious or jealous of someone else, when we're going to watch the thing we shouldn't watch and we think what can I do? What can we do? It's my personality, it's my emotion, it's my drive, it's my instinct. What can I do? It's my temptation. No. We need to know we have a nekuda of bechira. There is a point, a nekuda of free will. There is a moment in between the stimulus and the action where we determine what we do next. Between stepping on the LEGO and screaming and yelling at whoever left it there, there is a brief moment of nekudas habechira where we choose between the stimulus and the action. That's where we take the deep breath and restore our soul. That's where we choose. But it's only a deep, a little point, a nekuda of bechira. The whole rest of the picture, not the nekuda, is from above. It's from Hashem. Our life. We need to know that and it changes our life altogether. How we react and how we respond and what we choose and what we do and the richness of. of our relationships, our marriage and our parenting and our children and our siblings and our family members. It's up to us to realize that it's from above and that we can stay in control and we can dictate and determine how we respond and it's all from him so that we don't have to feel envious or jealous of others. Why? איזהו עשיר השמח בחלקו because ה׳ רועי לא אחסר. If Hashem is my shepherd, I'm not lacking anything. Whatever cars in your driveway, whatever additions going on in your home, whatever you posted you just spent on vacation, however your cheesecake turned out on your Shavuos, it's none of my business. It's none of my business. It's none of my business because I have what I need. Lo echsar. If he's my shepherd, I'm good to go. I don't ever have to be jealous or envious or compete or compare. So much unhappiness in this world is the result of people competing and comparing. I don't look like, I don't have that spouse, I don't have those children, I don't make that money, I don't have that life. So much unhappiness, so much depression, so much anxiety, so much misery, people caught up in the cycle of competing and comparing. Stop. Let that go. Stop looking. It's none of your business. Hashem ro'i. Hashem is your shepherd. Lo echsar. What you have is what you need and you don't know what else comes with the package of what the other person has. What you're looking at or staring at, what you're watching or observing, what you're jealous or envious of that you wish you had, what if you knew what else came with it? Yeah, they have the car and the house and the money and the vacations, maybe there's all kinds of incredible emotional pain and suffering and struggle and unhappiness and dysfunction. You have no idea what else comes with it. Maybe the marriage on the outside that looks so amazing, they seem so happy, they have such harmony, who knows what else comes in their struggles? Children, money, parnassah, doubt, paying bills. You don't get to see the whole picture. None of us know what goes on behind closed doors in someone's house or in their life. So what's the point of ever being jealous? You only see a glimpse, you only see a fraction, you only see a part, and you're going to be jealous? If you saw the entire picture, you would say thank God I'm not them. So how much time and energy are you going to waste on being jealous of that which if you saw the whole picture you'd say never mind I'll stick with what I got, I'm good to go. What gives us that capacity is realizing emuna. Derech emuna bacharti. To choose the path of emuna. Choose. It's a choice. So much of our life is feeling we don't have free will, we don't have choice, but we do, we have the choice. In fact, the only thing we have choice about is derech emuna. That's the only thing. Bacharti. The only thing we can choose. Everything else is coming from him. How we do in parnassah and what will our health be, we can make our effort, we can do our part, we can take our initiative, live healthy, work hard, we can do our best, but ultimately what will result, that's from him. So what's the only thing that actually we choose is derech emuna bacharti. The only thing we actually choose in life, the only thing at the end of the day is derech emuna. Will we interpret our whole lives through emuna? Will we put on those emuna glasses, will we strengthen those emuna muscles, will we view the entire world through the prism of emuna? That it's all from him, it's all from above and what we have is what we need and we'll do our best with it. And we'll choose our next moment, we'll choose our next mission, we'll choose our next response because the only thing we choose is derech emuna. Derech emuna bacharti. The extraordinary stories of hostages in tunnels, the amazing stories of soldiers on frontlines, the amazing stories of some people in this room who derech emuna bacharti have chosen to live emuna with all that's happening. That's the ultimate salve for the challenges and struggles of life, for whatever we're going through, good or bad, how to experience and interpret the hard moments but also how to experience the happy moments. The hard moments and the happy moments, they're all from him. And the more we connect the dots, the more we attribute, the more we draw that line back to where it comes from to realize he remains intimately involved in every moment and every thing in our lives, then the more strength we have to navigate through whatever it is. We're waiting for that right shidduch, we're waiting for that baby, we're waiting for that parnassah, we're waiting for that shalom bayis and that peace in our home and that harmony, we're waiting for that nachas from our children. How do we get through it without feeling jealous, without competing or without keeping up? How? Derech emuna bacharti. That's it. That's all we've got. ה׳ רועי לא אחסר. To choose Hashem ro'i. When we choose Hashem ro'i, then the result is lo echsar. So if you want a life of lo echsar, if you want to get to a place where you're not missing anything, it doesn't mean work harder beyond what's reasonable. If you want to get to lo echsar, it means Hashem ro'i. Get to a place of he's my shepherd, and I'm good to go, and I'm good to go. כשמדברים על בטחון בשם בכל מעשה אדם שהוא עוסק לפרנסתו להאמין ולבטוח שריבונו של עולם עושה הכל המבטיח והמובטח מאוד קשה להשיג זאת. The Nesivos Shalom author pivots and acknowledges, it's very hard. This is all very hard to achieve because the TSA thing went off, randomly selected. In that moment it's hard to remember it's not random. You're instead frustrated and miserable. It's hard to remember when you step on the Lego. It's hard to remember while you're waiting for the biopsy result. It's hard to remember in that moment. So how do we do it? What are some of the strategies? How can we be more mindful so we can live that life which will translate into the greater happiness and holiness and fulfillment and meaning and mission and purpose? For all of that and more, stay tuned im yirtzeh Hashem next time, Living with Emunah. We'll turn off the recording. As always we'll do some questions and answers for anyone who wants, rewarding those who come in person. Thank you for the adjusted schedule this week. Stay tuned on the WhatsApp group for the update of the adjusted schedule. If you're not part of it, rabbiefremgoldberg.org/whatsapp. If you still want to join the tech challenge, not every day but once a week, the tech challenge of that week for all of us to have a healthier relationship with our technology, that's rabbiefremgoldberg.org/challenge, and you're invited to join the almost 3,000 people who are doing it. Have a fantastic day.
