Transcript
Good morning *boker tov* welcome back to Living with *Emunah* great to be back together I'm glad the rain didn't keep you away. Okay kept some kept some away everyone is where they're meant to be. *Emunah* series is generously sponsored by Dr. Avie and Bella Morgan in memory of Rabbi Dr. Brian Gaubert and in memory of Bella's mother we remain tremendously grateful. Dr. Alan Chenzer we're tremendously grateful to the Morgans for their generosity. Also the series is sponsored anonymously in memory of the fallen soldiers and alumni of *Binay David Mechina* and *Yeshiva* in Eli. We continue to *daven* from the bottom of our hearts for the soldiers who were recently injured in Lebanon רועי חיים בן מרב *Ariel ben Etti* *Matana ben Tzipya* *David ben Ziva* ליאם בן רות בן ריבטל איתן דוד בן טובה מתן מרדכי בן מאירה should have a complete speedy and painless *refuah shlema*. Two additional young men who were injured *Dekel ben Vered* and *Hila ben Shulamit* we should hear only good news and *besoros tovos*. This morning's *shiur* sponsored by Eve Marks in honor of her grandparents by Josh and Talia Zisook *l'ilui nishmas* חוה אביבה בת מרדכי יצחק dear cousin Vicky Frohlich who taught so many how to live with *emunah* by Tzipya Cooper in commemoration of her father Dr. Med Daniel Magro דוד נתן נטע בן אלטר מיכל בת שמחה יענטא on his third *yahrtzeit* by the Berkowitz family of Miami Beach *l'ilui nishmas* רב אברהם אבא בן רב משה חיים memory of the great Abby Berkowitz on his second *yahrtzeit* what a great man part of our extended family sorely missed. Everyone should find comfort his *neshamah* should have an *aliyah* and anonymously for the *refuah shlema* and easy smooth recovery for אסתר פיני בת פסל בריינדל thank you to everyone for their tremendous generosity. Okay let's get started we have so much to cover emails *Torah* back into *Rav David Abuhatzeira's* wonderful *sefer* so much to get into I don't know if the mic is picking it up because I never put it on okay see how that goes. Okay first I want to share three brilliant *emunah* emails from myself to myself on a recent trip earlier this week to New York three great things happened and I made a little note to myself I just made notes I didn't write it out because I thought I would know what I was talking about so let's see if I was right so first of all on the plane *Baruch Hashem* *Yocheved* and I travel for a *simcha* in New York this week and on the plane I'm sitting next to somebody not recognizably Jewish not obviously Jewish and he's sitting next to me and he makes some comment I don't know how he knew I was Jewish but he made some comment made some comment and he said terrible what's happening in Israel terrible what's going on with Iran I said yeah it's really terrible and you know we're praying and miracles are happening he said yeah my partner is Israeli I said okay he's not Jewish his partner's Israeli tell me more what do you do he's in real estate okay very nice then he's FaceTiming with his wife before we take off and his wife with an accent says something about oh I just finished my prayers so I didn't I didn't think she was Jewish frankly she she sounded like she might be Muslim okay she took her prayers he's interested okay good nice guy good conversation then he turns to me and he says I'm a *hagbah* specialist I didn't know what he was talking about either so he explains since he's a big strong guy since he's 13 years old he specializes in doing *hagbah* he likes to lift the *Torah* and he tells me his wife was born in Turkey but grew up in Israel is Israeli maybe that's his partner I don't know business or that was his wife was partner anyway all of it was a great conversation turns out he was Jewish was lovely made a new friend but the best part is he must have texted his wife because they said to me what do you do I said I'm a rabbi synagogue in Boca Raton we had a whole conversation and in the middle of the flight he shows me a text from his wife that God put you in a seat next to the rabbi that's where you're supposed to be I thought wow isn't that great so from now on his wife is giving the *emunah shiur* she's anyway that was *emunah* story number one on the way up it was really great story then *Yocheved* and I went to the wedding and we pulled up and we're in traffic because it was Brooklyn and we're trying to park to get to the wedding and in the car in front of us on the back of the car is a magnet and the magnet says you are where you're meant to be and on top of it it says *emunah shiur* *emunah shiur* you are where you're meant to be I said to *Yocheved* what a coincidence somebody in Brooklyn gives a *shiur* where they say you are where you're meant to be okay I thought maybe that person you know the greatest form of flattery okay but you are where you're meant to be *emunah shiur* interesting magnet after the *chuppah* a woman comes over to me and she says you know rabbi I love the *shiur* I listen every week in Brooklyn all the cars look the same you can never find your own car so I made myself a magnet from the *shiur* and I put it on the back of the car so I can always find my car so people are making their own magnets you are where you're meant to be *emunah shiur* amazing she came up. Amazing. Story number two. And then the next morning I had to go to a bank, don't ask why, in Clifton, New Jersey, we're staying at my daughter in Passaic, had to go to a bank there to take care of something, had to be out of the state of Florida, a bank there. I walk in and a woman who's at the bank says, \"Hello Rabbi Goldberg.\" I said, \"Hi.\" She said, \"I live part of the year in Deerfield.\" I said, \"Wonderful.\" She says, \"My husband used to love to come to the afternoon kollel at BRS, he came to the shiur. And so remind me who your husband is.\" She says, \"We're from Texas, he's very tall.\" I said, \"The big Texan? Of course I know your husband. Such a special man, so amazing,\" and I started to tell her all about, \"Your husband had the biggest heart, he was always so warm and welcoming.\" I remember, I said to her, \"I remember your husband loved the shuvos of Rav Moshe Feinstein. He would love to talk about shuvos of Rav Moshe Feinstein.\" She got all emotional, she said to me, \"You know,\" she said, \"today is my husband's yahrzeit. And what are the odds that Hashem would have me run into you in a bank in Clifton, New Jersey, at this time?\" Right then at that moment had to be in a bank in Clifton, New Jersey to run into her on her husband's yahrzeit to tell her nice things about her husband. And that's it, those were the three emails I wrote myself. Those are my Emuna stories of this week. Every week we all have our own. You can write yourself, by the way, it doesn't make you crazy. You can write yourself, it's important to remind ourselves, to write ourselves, to review He'emanti ki adaber. We grow our Emuna the more we talk about Emuna, the more we tell Emuna, the more we share Emuna stories with each other, with our family, with one another, then the more, the more Emuna there is. Our daughter was in Eretz Yisrael last week, she was going out of her mind, she was packing trying to get in for Pesach with two little kids Baruch Hashem Kein Ayin Hara. I learned their ages since last week. They were trying to get it all done plus she's still working full time at her seminary. And just at that moment she felt like, \"I don't know how I can do this all, I don't know how I'm going to get it all done,\" there's a knock on the door, her first cousin who lives in Beit Shemesh was in Yerushalayim stopped by to say hi, \"Let me take care of the kids, you go do what you need to do.\" But in our chat, our Hashgacha Pratis family Emuna, Hashgacha! Right at that moment that she needed it, a knock on the door. Eliyahu Hanavi. Eliyahu Hanavi came, Chaya Liprace, right in the moment that she needed. You gotta have a family Hashgacha Pratis. And if you don't have it for your family, have it for yourself, tell yourself Emuna stories, tell yourself, keep a journal, a personal journal of the times you saw Hashem throughout the day, throughout the day. It's unbelievable. Get into the Uber yesterday to go to the airport to come back and an African-American driver in the Uber, I hear Mordechai Shapiro music. I said, \"What's going on over here?\" So I said to him, \"Is this your playlist? You enjoy this music?\" And he said with an accent like he came from the islands, \"I like to see my clients and put on the music they'll enjoy.\" Now, turns out he was a better DJ than a driver. Practically had to Bensch Gomel when we got to LaGuardia Airport. But it was very kind, very lovely, Hashgacha Pratis, Hashem amazing, I got to go to the airport with Mordechai Shapiro. Okay, now to other people's emails now that we covered my own. My daughter left textbooks in the kitchen breakfast area, the books were there for months and did not move, so I assumed she didn't need them. She had another set at school for other reasons, so in a cleaning spree a few weeks ago called Pesach, I got rid of those books. Oops, last night she came and said, \"Where are the books?\" I was putting away Pesach groceries in the basement so I said I'd look for the books when I was done. Of course I knew where they were, they were gone. But Hashem had sorted out the problem. A colleague had texted me two weeks ago asking if I wanted a huge stack of textbooks her kids were done with. Given they're expensive I said, \"Yes, thank you very much.\" In that stack were the same copies of the ones that were missing last night. Thank you Hashem for solving this and avoiding a very angry teenager. So little things that are really also the big things, little things, the little wink, the little nod, the little hug from Hashem, they make us feel, they make us feel good. Dear Rabbi Goldberg, thank you for the Emuna shiurim because they really helped me get through difficult times. I live in Eretz Yisrael every year my parents make Pesach at home. Two of my mom's sisters live in America, my mom's brother lives in Eretz Yisrael like us along with my grandparents. In honor of my grandparent's fiftieth anniversary, my sister's Bat Mitzvah, my cousin's Bar Mitzvah, my cousin's Bat Mitzvah, my grandparents planned to take the whole family away in Eretz Yisrael for Pesach. This would have been the first time my parents didn't have to make Pesach, we were all looking forward to it all year. We don't get to spend too much time with our family in America. Although I wish I could say this story has a happy ending where everyone was able to come, unfortunately my cousins decided to cancel because of the war. My family and I are very disappointed, instead of spending Pesach away with our cousins we'll be home. Even though it's disappointing, Baruch Hashem I've been able to see that I am where I am meant to be, so is the rest of my family. I understand even though I can't see right now why Hashem wants me to be home for Pesach, it must be the right place. Im Yirtzeh Hashem we'll all be zocheh to be in Yerushalayim together this Pesach. Absolutely and Kol Hakavod. It was very gratifying, satisfying, also an honor and a chiyuv, but I've heard from many many many people who've tried to travel to Eretz Yisrael, from Eretz Yisrael, within Eretz Yisrael, that embrace your place. That language, that lashon is making the rounds and it's nice to hear that the refuah before the makkah, we learned last week about that remarkable, remarkable woman. Biton who lost three of her four children and said, faith is not born in a day. Faith is not discovered in a day. You have to be working on it your whole life so that when you need it, that emunah muscle is there, it's strong, it can lift you, support you, and it can, and it can carry you, and it can carry you. So we've been learning and we've been saying, embrace your place, where we're meant to be, אכן יש השם במקום הזה. What's our mission in this moment? What's next for us? Because little did we know we'd need to draw from that bank account we've been making deposits into in those moments that we have to embrace we are where we're meant to be. But I'll follow up that email with the next one. Dear Rabbi Goldberg, hope you're doing well. I'm in seminary in Israel this year, was planning to come home for Pesach, but the war and recent flight cancellations, things have been pretty uncertain, I'm not sure what's going to happen. I know I'm really lucky to be here in Israel, seminary's been very special, at the same time I was really hoping to be with my family for Pesach. It's a little hard emotionally trying to figure out how to think about everything. I'm trying to understand how much hishtadlus I should be putting in trying to get home, and at what point I should stop pushing so hard and just trust whatever happens is what Hashem wants. So that's a great question. That's a great question, and this person is not the only one who asked it. I got it from several people, and it's the question that we've examined and we've studied and we're still studying because there is no clear answer. You open up the Shulchan Aruch and there is no siman and seif that tells you, here is hishtadlus, here's how much effort to put in for your health, how much effort in shidduchim, how much effort in business, how much effort in trying to arrange a flight home. There is no clear, spelled-out definition of effort. And so I'll draw from the principles that we try to share, which are, what's reasonable? If you do less than the reasonable amount of effort, then you may not be leaning on emunah, you might be leaning and waiting for a miracle. If you take excessive effort, you do too much initiative and effort, then where's your emunah? Then you think it's all up to you, you think you're in charge and you're in control and you need to make space and recognize that really it's up to Hashem. So the answer is always what is a reasonable, we're going to get into this more, what is a reasonable amount of effort? What is a reasonable amount of initiative? In this case, for those who are trying to arrange tickets in both directions, but whatever their plans were, a reasonable amount of effort is an insane effort. Anything less than storming the counters of El Al in the airport, on the phones, on WhatsApp, on websites, and you are unlikely. Anything less than filling out every link from every group from every person you ever heard of, to get on every list to have any chance of getting where you want to go, is too little effort. So reasonable effort in this case happens to be what ordinarily otherwise would be excessive. That's reasonable. But once you do that, and I've been in contact with many who have been doing that, once one does that and says, I filled out the links, I followed the suggestions, I made the phone calls, I sat on hold, I asked for what I asked for, at that point then you let go and let God. At that point, you embrace your place and your mission in the moment and you say however it will turn out to be is where I meant to be, where I was meant to spend time. What is the alternative? I say this every week to you. I can't believe you come back. What is the alternative? What is the alternative to embracing your place? Denying your place? Living with regret, disappointment, frustration, anger? That won't change your place. That doesn't get you on a flight. That doesn't bring your family together for Pesach. That doesn't change your reality. All it does is sacrifice your mental health and sanity, your physical health and well-being, all it does is drive you crazy. But when you take a deep breath and with a smile you say, we'll find out in this adventure what's next, we'll find out on this next journey, on this next encampment which really is itself a journey as we wrote about in our article this week. What's the alternative to it? And so what is the right amount, I think is whatever is reasonable. And each circumstance, time, and place will determine and dictate what is reasonable. So what's reasonable ordinarily is different than what's reasonable in extraordinary circumstances. We are in extraordinary circumstances and times and there's a different amount of what's considered to be reasonable. ברוך השם בלי עין הרע, one of our children already came back, and the other right now is on the third leg of her trip from Tel Aviv to Athens, Athens to Munich, Munich to Miami. And ברוך השם בלי עין הרע, that's ordinarily, imagine your seminary student you say, I booked you a ticket home for Pesach, you're going to be going to Athens, to Munich, to Miami, you're going to stay at an Airbnb far from the airport, we're going to, they'd look at you and they'd say are you kidding me? Are you kidding me? In these times they say thank you so much, how'd you get that? I can't believe it, how'd you manage that? How'd you get that? How'd you get that? Thank you so much. The times dictate what's reasonable, what's ordinary and what's extraordinary and therefore our effort should commensurate. Hi, here's our emunah in real time. I brought three of my teenage daughters to Boca last week for a two-day mini vacation. Two conditions were, we had to wake up early to see a sunrise, davening by the ocean, and we had to go to the emunah shiur at 9:00 AM. They loved the class. Fast forward 12 hours. We kept quoting Rabbi Goldberg's mantra, being stuck is also part of the journey. So we got off and called my husband who was in London. We woke him up bright and early and he told us to Uber to Lakewood and worry about the parked car in Newark parking lot the next day. 10 minutes later he called to thank us. Because we woke him in the middle of the night, he checked his own flight and he saw it was cancelled. He was able to reschedule because of the crazy hour he got on a different flight. We got the emuna punchline. The girls said, you must send an email to the emuna shiur. Our delay caused my husband to be able to get out of London, kasher ve'sameach. Beautiful, those little moments where you could say this was annoying and frustrating, but I found out why and it worked out. Often we don't. Sometimes it takes a long time. Sometimes that happens fairly quickly. In those moments it's a hug, it's a wink, embrace from Hashem. I write this letter at 9 o'clock at night on a Tuesday after realizing I lost my wallet. That's in the chapter in the book on the lost wallets. It's a growing chapter. After frantically looking around for several minutes and realizing my wallet was nowhere to be found, I quickly called the gymnastics arena that I was at with my daughter only to realize they were closed, there was no one to speak to. I know many people have written to you about something like this before. As an avid listener to the podcast, top 1% on Spotify I might add, yes it's a flex, I realized I had not lost my wallet for any reason other than I was supposed to. Instead of freaking out, worrying and literally losing sleep, I decided I was going to use my emuna muscle, which is probably as big as one of Arnold Schwarzenegger's biceps, and instead of being a worrier I would be a warrior. I left a message with the front desk voicemail, because after all we have to do our hishtadlus, and then I let go and let God. Writing this email now I have no idea if I will find my wallet or not. I very well may have to call the credit card companies to cancel my cards, get a new driver's license, replace some cash, but okay. I'm always also aware that I may very well may be able to write a follow up to this part tomorrow morning saying that when I woke up I got a call telling me they had my wallet with all its contents. Either way it's for the best. I love this email that's in the middle, in real time. We don't know how the story ends. Because emuna and hashgacha pratis are not only and I lost my wallet, it was perfect because when I went there someone had a heart attack, I gave them CPR, brought them back to life. We don't know. We don't know. The better emuna stories, because life, in real life it doesn't always have that happy ending. In real life you can't always tie a neat bow around it. In real life we don't always find out why this was perfect and meant to be. Often it's frustrating, but that too is hashgacha pratis. That too. As I'm writing this I'm remembering something that happened to me earlier today. I'm a physician's assistant in New York, today in the hospital my morning rounds, something happened. I went to go see one of my patients scheduled, I walked in the room to find a book open on their table. It's not an abnormal occurrence, but something told me to look again. Closer inspection, the book on the table was a Bible. The patient was not Jewish, also happened to be in a comatose state, so seeing an open book and a Bible in front of them seemed rather out of place. I stopped and before examining the patient, I looked at the pages the Bible were open. As I looked down I couldn't believe it. There it was. It was open to the Book of Psalms. Can you guess which Psalm it was open to? That's right, Psalm 23. Remembering this now gives me chizuk that no matter whether I find my wallet or not, no matter the outcome, Hashem is in charge and it's all for the good. Thank you for the weekly words of inspiration for helping me even in small and silly moments, find peace and tranquility. I hope you're proud. I am proud of you. I hope you're proud of me. I know I am. And PS, I'll let you know. Please do let us know how that turns out. I am proud of him and he should be proud of himself because in those moments when we in fact use our emuna muscle, and we're learning in Tanya, we just learned this morning, the competition, the fight between the head and the heart, the ego and the elokus. Who are we? What defines us? How do we react? Are we impulsive, do we indulge our animal impulse, our ego, or are we able to reign supreme, to be sovereign, to have discipline for our Godly soul to dictate what we'll do in that moment. And each time, whether we turn down the Cape Cod potato chips at midnight or whether we choose to not, in his words, freak out and lose our cool over a lost wallet, when we in fact express our Godly soul and it defeats our animal impulse, be proud. We should be proud in that moment. We should be proud. We should be proud. Something to be proud about. That is what we're meant to do. That is what we're working on and what we're fighting. Dear Rabbi Goldberg, started listening to your emuna series, I love hearing the sharing of the emails in the beginning. I appreciate the story doesn't need to have a traditional happy ever after ending. About five weeks ago on motzoei shabbos, a shadchan reached out to let me know that a boy was interested in meeting me. After taking a quick look at his resume, I had a feeling there might be potential. References were called on my behalf. Everything pointed to this being a wonderful idea. He didn't just sound great on paper, meeting him confirmed he truly was. We continued to date for a few weeks and although we were still getting to know each other, I was grateful to Hashem for the opportunity to spend time with someone who was a true mensch. One day while we were out to eat he suggested we cross reference our genetic testing results. I tested one year ago. When the genetic counselor called with my results, she reassured me I had nothing to worry about. Everyone carries something and my something was rare non-life-threatening unlikely I'd run into any problems. As I was telling the boy that I usually forget to even ask about results cause I have nothing to worry about he pulled out his own report. It revealed he carries the exact same gene. I couldn't believe this. I was shocked but managed to reason with myself that it would probably be fine because after all it wasn't life-threatening. That of course was a major oversimplification of the situation because when thinking about one's future children there's more to consider than at least they will live. We scheduled a call with a genetic counselor hoping there might be some reassuring perspective unfortunately wasn't the case. Limited research has been done in this area leaving us with a decision to make. I wish the story had a better ending but we decided it wouldn't be responsible to take the chance given the gap in research. Needless to say it was incredibly disappointing. According to the screening data the US, UK, France, Australia, New Zealand approximately fourteen in a hundred thousand have this gene point zero one percent of the population. Of course an oversimplification as the gene is more prevalent in Ashkenazi communities still I couldn't help but think I am genetically compatible with ninety-nine point nine-nine percent of the population and the great boy I'm dating happens to fall into the point zero one percent. Despite this even with the disappointment I was overcome with the feeling that it is such a bracha to end things with someone on such good terms. For whatever reason we weren't meant to continue our relationship rather than feel hurt which so often happens when a relationship of substantial length ends there's something deeply deeply comforting about knowing this wasn't about choice or mistakes it was simply a reality neither of us could change. There's a certain comfort in feeling this was completely out of our hands. So I don't know why Hashem had me meet such a special person without the chance of it working out. I also don't look back at our time spent together as a waste on the contrary something can be a bracha even if it wasn't meant to last. I don't have the full hindsight now but I know that everything's for a reason Hashem will give us both the right person in the right time thank you so much. What a powerful email I actually followed up with her because I suggested there are PGD pre-implantation genetic diagnosis there are ways that even when someone two are carriers for whatever reason they chose not to pursue that and of course that's their right but I'm wowed by her strength by that strength to interpret that way. How many others would say God where are you how could you I don't need you I don't want you why would you instead she says I'm comforted to know. What emuna so powerful and we can draw again we can join in the hotspot of those who are on fire with emuna to help grow and strengthen and increase ours. Okay one more and then we'll get back into our get back into our learning. So many good ones. I want to start by saying thank you for the shiur I found your shiur on Apple podcast Spotify was not the shadchan this time about a year ago and started listening at part two hundred and ninety-four and made my way through the shiurim and now I'm all caught up. I'm now going back to part one I'm trying to catch up entirely I've gained so much chizuk at many times the shiur I was listening would connect with something happening that day and inspire and strengthen me. I'm in my mid-twenties and live with a chronic illness that affects people both physically and mentally it's not easy I've been through ups and downs many many downs even after I thought there were nowhere lower to go. Been to doctors have tests and appointments I tried medications and treatments so much money time effort to heal. Baruch Hashem I've made improvements I'm now dealing solely with physical illness and not struggling with the mental. Here's my question let's darshan this as we dive back in. While going through so much I've become a much stronger and more mature person I've also lost my connection to Hashem through tefilla. After getting so many nos or more accurately yeses that I translated into nos it's gotten too hard to daven and ask and not see the yeshua that I need. I don't daven formally every day I don't daven shacharis or mincha even on Rosh Hashana and Yom Kippur I struggle. When I do try I have a very hard time getting the words out speaking the words has become too much especially with formal prayer. Resigned myself to only informal talking to Hashem in my own words but even this is too hard at this point I don't even say the words out loud I just think them. I have my time a day where I sit down and think all my tefillos my thank yous to Hashem everything I want to tell Him and ask of Him and go through my day with Him. Given that tefilla is so powerful and loved by Hashem I wish I could at least be able to daven verbally and even more to daven formal. I would be grateful for any chizuk or guidance the rav could offer on this. Another powerful email here's somebody who spent a life in chronic pain and understandably is struggling to connect through tefilla and doesn't say I get a pass I'm exempt I pay the price I give to God in my own ways she says I miss it I long for it could you give me chizuk so I could get back to it. People are extraordinary people are amazing and people are an inspiration to us if we open our eyes and we see and we listen and we follow and we friend I don't mean online offline people they're amazing. So number one if you're listening you are amazing you're amazing. And the person says she writes I'm struggling I don't daven I really want to daven again I do say I do set a time every day where I sit disconnected from everything else and I think what I'm grateful to Hashem for, what I ask him for, what I need, but I don't daven. I don't daven! That is the holiest and highest, that is the deepest and most authentic, that is the most sacred form of tefillah there is. The rest of davening that we do is so we can get to that level of that davening. So Hashem says open the siddur and say this text because even when you're not going to feel like it, even when you think you have nothing to say, even when you're not in the mood, I want to make sure we keep the channel of communication open. But the real davening takes place between the lines of the siddur. The most authentic and the most real davening happens when the siddur is closed and we're talking to him from our heart, when we're pleading and talking, when we're in conversation, when we're expressing gratitude, when we're thankful. That is the most real, the most, that is the highest level of tefillah that there is. So you, if you're listening, should not think I'm not davening, you should know that you are davening. Halevai our davening would reach the level of your davening. Okay, you also miss the will and the want to open a siddur and say those words. Talk to him for it, ask him for it, and get back to it slowly. Open the siddur and say one line and close the siddur. Open the siddur while you talk to him, meditate, don't even look in it and then close it. Do little things, small incremental growth, advance, progress, little by little and you'll be back. And ask him, in those conversations that you think aren't davening but are the highest level of davening, ask him: Hashem, I don't feel, I don't connect, I don't want right now to open the siddur to talk to you, but please help me come back because I miss it. Help me. Talk and ask for it. That's exactly what we're learning in Sha'arei Tefillah by Rav Dovid Abuhatzeira. I gave you handouts, this is the till the end of this chapter, and after this we're going to go to another piece, we're going to learn something from the Ger Rosh Yeshiva together. But I want to get to it, it's going to still take a little bit of a while, a little bit of time. But he's been telling us: talk, daven for davening. Ask for emunah. It sounds paradoxical, it's counter-intuitive, but it works and it's right and it's righteous. So number one, know that you are davening and number two, daven to daven. That's what we say, Hashem Sifasai Tiftach. Maybe say those words even when you don't feel like opening the siddur for now. ה' שפתי תפתח ופי יגיד תהלתך. That's a pasuk in Tehillim. That's a pasuk in Tehillim. Dovid HaMelech himself. Why did Dovid say that? He must have hit a wall where he said I can't open my lips, I don't want to daven. Dovid HaMelech, don't think you're alone, don't think you're the first, and don't feel ashamed or guilty for it. Dovid HaMelech, King David, the great author, the great poet, the one who gave us all of Tehillim and most of our davening, Dovid HaMelech himself said, ה' שפתי תפתח ופי יגיד תהלתך. Open my lips, I don't feel like, I don't want to, I don't feel adequate or eligible, I don't feel worthy of talking to you, so I need your help. ה' שפתי תפתח ופי יגיד תהלתך. So when we're not in the mood or we don't feel right or we don't feel worthy, say those words even without opening the siddur. That opening line that we normally introduce our Shemoneh Esrei or Amidah with, say those words: ה' שפתי תפתח ופי יגיד תהלתך. Hashem, I don't feel like it, but help me. Move my lips, open my mouth. Help me. ה' שפתי תפתח ופי יגיד תהלתך. Page Kuf Lamed Vav, we're back, Rav Dovid Abuhatzeira. Kuf Lamed Vav. Ve'achen Dorshu Ba'Gemara. Top of the left hand column. Gemara in Yevamos, page Kuf Heh. המיספלל צריך שיתן עיניו למטה וליבו למעלה. When someone davens, you put your eyes down and your heart up. Einov Lemata, your eyes down, שמה שרואה בעיניו ידאי לו. In what he sees with his eyes, let it be enough for him. בזה ענייני מטה שענייני גשמיות. When it comes to the gashmius, the here and now, the material, the physical, so a person should be gratified and satisfied with what they have. What I have is what I need, what I have is what's meant for me. I can work and try and take reasonable initiative to have more, but after I do, when I look and take inventory of what I have, what I have is from Hashem, what I have is what I meant to have, what I have is what's right for me. Einov Lemata. When you're davening, when it comes to gashmius, when it comes to the physical material, look down. Libo Lema'ala. But your heart should be up. B'devarim Shebelev, B'reusa De'libo. When it comes to matters of the heart, B'reusa De'libo, שיהיה ליבו למעלה שישתוקק עוד ועוד בלא גבול ומידה עד שתכלה נפשו לאלוקים. When it comes to ruchnius, spirituality, then don't look down and say, \"Yeah, I'm spiritual enough, I have enough emunah, I daven enough, I'm religious enough, I'm kosher enough, I'm Shabbos enough.\" No, when it comes to libo, when it comes to your heart, when it comes to your spiritual health, einov lemala... libo lemala! Look up! Can always have more, always growing, always advancing, always progress, always more, more, more. Never done, never finished, never complacent, never apathetic, always more. What's next? What's next? How can we grow? We're never finished, we're never done. We're never done. Always. We get it backwards. We get it completely backwards. Too many of us, not all of us, but we get it backwards. When it comes to the material material, the physical, we say, never enough! I want more! Buy the next thing! Work hard for more money! Get more of a return on the money I have! More, more, more! We never meet with our financial advisor and say, good, fine, yeah, good. We say, one second, but the market did better than your investments. Why did we miss out on what the market got? Why don't we have more? Why aren't we making more? I need my money to make more money for me. We go to our boss and we don't say, boss says, I'd like to talk to you about a potential raise. No, I'm good. Whatever I have. Yeah, more, more! I need a raise, I need a promotion, I need more, I need more, I need more! We never say the car hit 100,000 miles. I'm good, let's take it to 200,000. We say what's the new model? I need more, I need the latest. We never look at the phone that we have and we say, it makes calls, it's connected, it's good enough. No, there's a new model, what are the latest features? I've got to download the latest iOS, the newest version. I need more and latest. When it comes to the physical material world, we're never satisfied. We want more and more and more. But when it comes to spirituality, we say, would you come with me to the shiur? Enough already. Been going my whole life. I went to enough shiurim. I heard enough drashas. I read that parsha enough times. I've said enough Shmoneh Esrei. Enough already. Enough, it's good enough, it's good enough. Whatever time I make it to shul, good enough. However much part of daven, I don't talk, good enough. The hechsherim, yeah, it's good enough. It's a shape, it's got a K in it, it's good enough. It's got some Hebrew writing on it, it's good enough. When it comes to the material physical world, it's never enough. We always want more. And when it comes to the spiritual world, enough. Our children, they better not become too frum. Can't become too frum. They have to stay just like us. Not too much, not too little. There was a famous comedian who had a line about the people who drive next to you on the highway. If they drive faster than you, they're a maniac, and if they drive slower than you, they're an imbecile. They have to drive exactly the speed you go. So if the speed limit is 50, if from New York or another reason they moved to Florida, Mayor just lowered the speed limit today to 15 miles an hour. I don't know why, where, what, whatever. Some say just so he collects more tickets. I don't know. I don't know what. But whatever the speed limit is, it's 50. So if you drive 52, anyone who goes faster is a maniac, slower is an imbecile. If you drive 59, anyone who goes faster is a maniac and anyone slower is... everything in life, everyone has to be just like you. So your children, 9 o'clock minyan Shabbos morning, you usually get there 9:15. If they come there at 9:16, what's the matter with them? If they got there at 9:14, they're so frum, so right-wing, so fanatic. What happened? They flipped out. They have to come exactly when you came. Talk in the parts of daven exactly when you talked. Eat out exactly where you're willing to eat out. Do exactly what you do. Everyone's so worried, so fearful, so afraid. The children are gonna flip out. What's gonna happen? It's the greatest bracha in the world, your children. It's the greatest bracha. Look at this world and look at the direction people can go. I love to quote my uncle, Rabbi Eliyahu Lazar, zichrono livracha, my beloved, my wonderful uncle. My uncle used to say at a bris we say, זה הקטן גדול יהיה. zeh hakatan, may this katan be a gadol. May this katan grow up to be a gadol. You're at the bris, you hope to be at the bar mitzvah, go from being a katan to a gadol. זה הקטן גדול יהיה. So my uncle would add, זה הקטן גדול ממני יהיה. May this katan, right now he's so small, he doesn't know, he's not mature, he's not developed, he's not advanced, he's not observant, he's a little pipsqueak, a little nothing, gadol mimeni, may he become greater than I am. Not just may he become a gadol, זה הקטן גדול ממני יהיה. זה הקטן גדול ממני יהיה. Is there a greater bracha in the world for us than our children to be bigger talmidei chachamim, to have more yiras shamayim, to have greater middos, to give more tzedakah, to live with more patience, to be a better husband, a better wife, a better mother, a better father? We want them to surpass us. There's something deeply wrong of a parent who says they want their child to be exactly... don't be, don't make more money, don't be smarter, don't be frum-er, for sure not. Don't be... no, that's wrong. That's wrong. Chazal say, the Gemara says, בכל אדם מתקנא חוץ מבנו ותלמידו. A person can be jealous of everybody but his child and his student. Der selbe zach, they're one and the same. Your students are meant to be your children. They're supposed to be, the feeling you have is the same. So you, you could and should never ever be jealous of your children. Of your children. You want them to surpass us. We should want them to surpass us. So we get it totally backwards. When it comes to the physical material world, more, more, next, latest, greatest, I want more. Spiritually, I'm good. I'm good. Good where I was. I'm good with the length of my Shmoneh Esrei. I'm good with my understanding of the parsha. I'm good with the level of the tzedakah I'm giving, good with the amount of chesed I'm doing. I'm good, good, I'm good. But we get it backwards. It should be exactly the opposite. יתן עיניו למטה ולבו למעלה. We learned last week. We learned last week. The השמים כי ה' הוא האלוקים בשמים ממעל על הארץ מתחת, that we learned that a person should be the opposite. When it comes from material physical, I work hard trying to earn and have more, but whatever I have, I'm good, I'm good, I'm good. It's what Hashem, it's what I'm meant to have. But when it comes to spiritually, I'm never good, never good. Libo l'mala, always looking up, always more, more, where can I add, where can I grow, where can I progress, what can I do more, what can I do more? תפילה באופן זה יגם סגולה לקבלת התפילות. When a person davens in such a way, it's a segula that the rest of our tefilas will be heard. That word segula, it's a trigger word, maybe just for me. But that word segula, we don't mean segula here as in shortcut. Segula is not shtick. Segula is not something that you can mindlessly do and you don't have to care about anything else. What he means is that if you daven in such a way, all your tefila is elevated, is enriched, all of it is more powerful. כי כאשר לבו למעלה ברעותא דלבא לשמיים זוכה שתעלה תפילתו למעלה. When your heart is looking up to heaven, when you want more, so your tefila ascends with it. If you're looking down, looking down, again Rav David Abuhatzeira is expressing, looking down means material physical and satisfied, done; looking up means spiritual, more, growth, aspiration. So if you're looking up, if you have great ambition spiritually, when you look up, boom, you send your tefilos sonic speed straight up. ניתן להמליץ כך את הנאמר בישעיה, והיה טרם יקראו ואני אענה עוד הם מדברים ואני אשמע. טרם יקראו כל חפץ רכושם בגשמיות וברוחניות ואני אענה. Next page, גם אם בקשתם נמצאת במחשבתם בלבד כי אם זה לשם שמיים אמלא בקשתם. אך אם עוד הם מדברים בקשתם מיד תוספת ועוד ואני אשמע אבדוק למה יועד בקשתם. אם לרוחניות אמלא בקשתם. ואם לגשמיות כבר אמרנו על הארץ מתחת אין עוד. The teitch, the translation of that posuk brilliantly is, again, Hashem looks and He says, why are you asking for that thing? Are you looking for the physical in that thing or the spiritual? Why do you want a bigger house? Do you want a bigger house to host more people? Do you want a bigger house to host more parlor meetings? Do you want a bigger house to coordinate more chessed? Do you want a bigger house because you want more people sitting at your seder table? The planning of the Pesach is of course cleaning the house and making menus and finding a way to pay for matzah, but the most important planning you'll do for Pesach is figuring out who might be alone if you don't invite them. Who needs an invitation? Who deserves your company? How can you open up your כל דכפין ייתי וייכול כל דצריך ייתי ויפסח? How can we make sure that we're going to share the bounty and the plenty and what we have with others? The Pesach preparation is not just about cleaning the physical, it's about who can I call that I haven't spoken to for too long? How can I clean out the chametz of selfishness in my life? That's part of the Pesach prep. So why do I want this house? And Hashem, help me earn the income that I can buy the Pesach things. Why? For myself or to invite and host others? Why? Why do I want all these things? Hashem examines what's underneath that request for that gashmius. We daven for our health, our mobility, our well-being. Why? Hashem says, why are you asking for those things? Because you want it for you? You just want to get back on the tennis courts and the golf course? You just want for you to go on vacation? Or you want it because you realize you have a mission and a purpose? I've said this in many contexts and I'll repeat it. Our entire davening is not only transformed in our presence, mindfulness, and sincerity when we say it; it's transformed in where it goes and how it's received when the driver of our davening is not about us, it's not ego, but it's Elokus. In other words, imagine the boss calls you and says I have an assignment for you, I have a critical mission for you, and you say that fantastic, I'm all in, I'm ready, I accept it upon myself, but I need an expense account. How am I going to get where I'm supposed to go to do it? Will you pay for the ticket? And food allocation and other expenses that'll be needed for the mission? So when a person says to Hashem, I'm here in this world for a mission, life is not about me, it's about what I can do for You, but Hashem there are expenses and I can't do it if You don't help me with it. So please help me earn an income and help me do well so I can use it all and dedicate it. I don't mean give it away. Live in a big beautiful house and drive a wonderful car and wear beautiful things, but all of that doing to be an agent and ambassador of Hashem, do it to be a Kiddush Hashem in this world, do it to interact with others and draw them closer to Him. We're learning in Siddur Snippets now Kidusha, נקדש את שמך בעולם. barabim. Kedusha according to some might be a kiyum, a fulfillment of the biblical obligation to make a kiddush Hashem. When you respond to Kedusha and we turn to one another and we say, נקדש את שמך ברבים. I am prepared and committed, I affirm my responsibility to sanctify You in this world. It means I walk around, I am a brand ambassador. I'm a brand ambassador. I'm a brand ambassador, I represent God. And the way people will interact will either bring them close or not bring them close to Him. It's a brand ambassador. Everybody's talking about it so I might as well also. Zevee Samet, the great basketball player at YU the last four years, who in the Sweet 16 YU's never gotten further, farthest they ever got, Division III this year, scored I think 43 points in that final game, wears a big kippa on his head every game, is such a mensch and used his place on that team and being an absolute superstar to promote and share divrei Torah, to try to spiritually elevate his teammates, many of whom took on greater observance throughout their time playing with him on team, coaches, opponents who saw the kiddush Hashem that he is. Superstar basketball? Absolutely. Hashem gave him talents and gifts and he's worked hard to hone them. Absolutely. He's a fantastic young man. We had him on Behind the Bima a couple years ago, maybe last year, and it's worth listening. He's a fantastic young man. He's a fantastic young man. But he said, \"Why do I have this basketball? Just to play basketball? No, Hashem You gave me talents and skills, You gave me the ability to play ball. I'm going to use that to be a brand ambassador. I'm going to wear, I'm going to wear that yarmulke on my head when so many others throw it off while they play sports. I'm going to be disciplined and regulate the way I act and react on the court and off of it. I'm going to use the spotlight and the microphone for the talents and skills You've given to tell everyone about Hashem and share divrei Torah on a regular basis.\" Really extraordinary, extraordinary kiddush Hashem. Some people are wowed by his basketball and that's worth, that's worth being wowed by. Super, super impressive. Not nearly as impressive to me as his kiddush Hashem. Much more impressive, much much more impressive. That's a choice that he made about how he was going to use it. And that's a choice each of us have. And the talents, the skills, the gifts, the opportunities, the invitations that we have, the resources, the time, the energy, Hashem gave it to us. And we need it, because if we're going to fulfill our mission, we have to have an expense account. So coming back to davening, when we turn to Him and we ask, what are we asking for? Hashem I'd like nice things so please make me have a lot of money. Hashem I enjoy feeling healthy so please let all my parts work. Or is the tefillah Hashem when my knee hurts and I need it replaced I can't get to shul to daven to You, I can't attend the shiurim and feel close to You, I can't make and deliver food to help other of Your children, so please help my knees and my hips and my joints, help me get over this cold or this flu, help me feel well so I can serve You. That is a categorically different tefillah. Our prayer is entirely different, it's with purpose, when it is couched in the context of, Hashem I'm asking for these things not for me, but how can I best serve You? Of course if you're healthy and serve Him, you'll also feel good and enjoy it, Hashem wants us to. He wants us to. Of course if you have a big beautiful house and you can host others, you're also entitled to enjoy it. Enjoy. Of course if you have a car and you offer rides and carpool and you're delivering things to people who need and you're using it in wonderful ways, you can also enjoy that it's plush and it's heated and it's cool and this feature and that, enjoy. He wants us to enjoy, but He wants us to enjoy in the context of serving Him. It's all about how we serve Him. And so, and so, He looks and He examines each of our tefillos says Rabbi David Abuhatzeira. And that's the teitch טרם יקראו ואני אענה עוד הם מדברים ואני אשמע. Od hem medabrim, while they're speaking says Hashem, I check. What are they really saying? Ikar Elokus. What are they really asking for? For themselves or to serve Me? What's this really all about? What's it really all about? How are we living our lives? That's what this is all about. Nishmasi, my soul, is my soul on fire? Am I a body, am I a soul, am I in a relationship with Him, am I living for me, am I living for others? What is my life really all about? And here's the crazy thing, I just said it in Tanya shiur this morning. I'm going to keep saying it and keep writing about it, and I'm just working out it for myself, and I hope it'll help and inspire others. Here's the crazy thing. When you live for ego, for yourself, and you think that's going to bring the greatest happiness, it's the opposite. The people who are living for themselves, who are driven by ego, are the most unhappy, depressed, anxious, miserable. And when a person lives for Elokus, when a person lives for a mission and a purpose and why am I here and doing for others, they find the greatest happiness. The greatest happiness, the greatest purpose, the greatest fulfillment, the greatest tranquility, the greatest peace of mind, the greatest peace of mind. If you're feeling miserable and there are reasons to, certainly don't judge or blame anyone who does. People who face as we read chronic pain and chronic illness. If you've ever had, I saw someone in shul this morning said I won't be at the Tanya shiur, I have a root canal, I gotta go to the dentist early this morning. Ooh, have you ever had a toothache? Now imagine the pain of that toothache never subsides, you never get relief, and it can never be healed, and you're just living chronically with pain. People who live with chronic pain, that's what they're living with. So when they seem a little bit off-kilter, when they seem a little bit short with you, when they seem a little bit they could have been a little bit nicer, don't judge them. You have no idea or maybe you do what it's like to live with chronic, chronic, chronic pain. To live with chronic pain, the sympathy and empathy we should have for the people who live that way with chronic pain, with chronic pain. And still have emuna and still daven, extraordinary, absolutely extraordinary, absolutely extraordinary. But a person who's living not with chronic physical pain, a person who is feeling down and out, depressed, anxious, worried, doesn't know what will be, you want to break out of it? Here's the advice. It's not mine. It's what mental health professionals are giving more and more and more. Volunteer. Volunteer. There are a group of women who after the shiur, which is about to end every Wednesday morning now, they go from here, you don't even have to go outside, you don't even have to get wet, you don't even have to travel far. They go from here to the closet. I don't mean the custodial closet. They go to what we have now at BRS called the closet, which is a great effort. People are donating gently used clothing or brand new clothing they never wore. We talked about how you should clean your closet and if there's ever a time of year it's this. I think we're doing our Pesach workshop this Sunday morning where I will give my usual diatribe, polemic rhetoric about how it's not spring cleaning, it's Pesach cleaning. If you want to do spring cleaning, that's just to make Tamar Meyer happy. It's not for Hashem. Pesach cleaning, Pesach cleaning is for Hashem. And there are very different standards of halacha. But this is the time of year that people go through and you could do one of two things with it. You could just throw that clothing away, it can still sit and clutter your home, or you could give it to our closet, which is then open for people who come and shop and pay a dollar, three dollars, five dollars. Closet, I think already was only open twice and brought in maybe five, six, seven thousand dollars. It's bringing in money that's helping other people. It's helping people clean and it's helping people go into Yom Tov with gently or brand new clothing they otherwise would not necessarily be able to afford. What a beautiful win, win, win. מצוה גוררת מצוה מצוה גוררת מצוה מצוה. Called the closet. Similarly, on Wednesday mornings you can volunteer for Shefa. Shefa means an abundance of flow from Hashem. It's also chef, aah, which is extra food. Food rescue. So many people cater events, have events, have simchas baruch Hashem, have things and I was at a dinner of a school dinner last night, there was so much food. I said, I hope you're calling Shefa. So much left. You know how many people? Hundreds, thousands of containers have been filled with those food that have fed hundreds of families all without anyone spending any money because it's held at BRS, there's no overhead, thanks to the generosity of this community, both these projects. But you know what both of them rely on? The reason they have no expenses, both of them rely on volunteers. Volunteers. The group of women, Yocheved included, who stay after every week on Wednesday to go to the closet or also help for Shefa will tell you that they walk away not feeling like I gave but I got. It just added meaning to Wednesday morning. Could you have a better Wednesday morning? Make a cup of coffee in Reb Shaya's corner, have a pastry or slushie, come to the emuna shiur, nourish your soul and then go volunteer and live a mission and purpose for others. Your Wednesday is made. What a morning. Wow. What a morning. Unbelievable. But that volunteering, it'll you don't say when I volunteer for others, now I feel worse. Nobody ever said that, ever, ever. It makes a person feel awake, alive, feel good, feel they're giving, feel they're living, a mission, a purpose and for others. And Hashem is looking. So says Rav David Abuhatzeira, when we're going and turning to daven, then ask ourselves as we're saying those words. Again, part of the agenda, we put out a Reel the other day about because we said it here. Look at your calendar. If you don't think you have anything to daven for, look at your calendar. What you have on tap that day will dictate and determine how you're going to daven, how you're going to daven. But the other thing to look at in ourselves when we daven is why am I asking for this? Whatever I'm asking for, why am I asking for it? And if I can couch it and deliver it, if I can communicate it as Hashem, I'm davening because I want to be your brand ambassador. I'm your agent. I'm here to serve you and I want to be in order to be the best one to serve you, then I need your help. I need your help. I need your help. So this is our mission and purpose. You can volunteer now, if you can't make it this week or you can find another way or reason to volunteer. You can do it elsewhere, 100%. I am personally guaranteeing you that you will feel you got a lot more than you gave. You'll feel alive if you live for others. alive if you live for elokus not for ego. And then you bring that same attitude and feeling into your davening. Your davening is going to be altogether different and you're going to want to daven and look forward to it much much more. May we hear בשורות טובות ישועות ונחמות. May we hear only good news, peace and tranquility for our people. Amen.
