Transcript
Good morning boker tov, good morning, welcome back to Living with Emunah. Thank you so much for being here. I live off the Living with Emunah, so I'm grateful you're here, otherwise I'd be sitting by myself and it would be kind of awkward. So thank you. Our minyan is sponsored generously by Dr. Zvi and Bella Morgan in memory of Rabbi Dr. Brian Galbut, in memory of Bella's mother, Dr. Ellen Chancer, and please God in the merit the hostages come home, our soldiers are safe, and we have a sweeping victory over our enemies. This morning shiur is sponsored anonymously with thanks to BRS for giving shiurim, the zchus to bring a zivug for שיינא רבקה בת שרה רחל, she should dance at her wedding אם ירצה השם בקרוב, she should find her bashert with clarity and confidence. And to the Isaacs family, by the Isaacs family in honor of my dear friend Ben Isaac's birthday. I could feel Ben Isaac's energy a thousand miles away from New York through the phone. So Ben, happy birthday, we love you, keep it going, as they wrote, to the most amazing husband, father, and human being, I agree. By Amy and Eli Buzaglo l'ilui nishmas Amy's beloved mother, איוולין רבקה ראובן בת משה, neshamah should have an aliyah. From a couple undergoing IVF, we use Living with Emunah as a lifeline, davening for good news for them and for all those struggling. And we add our tefillah, our heartfelt tefillah, you don't have to know their name, it's anonymous, to know that all those who are waiting and longing should find and have their simcha im yirtzeh Hashem. This should be their year, Hashem should answer all mishalos libeinu l'tovah. And anonymously, mazel tov to Justin and Megan on their recent marriage, they should build a bayis ne'eman b'Yisrael. And by the Hausman and Tannenbaum families in honor of Shimon, in memory of Shimon ben Eliezer on his fourth yahrtzeit, neshamah should have an aliyah. And for refuah shleimah of Yehudis bas Zissy, a very special woman who is in the hospital, she should bounce back with a speedy, complete, and painless recovery and back to painting beautiful pictures for the world im yirtzeh Hashem. Okay, I'm looking at the image of myself with the white paroches behind me. So you know when we do the pre-Pesach workshop and you have heart palpitations because the second word we say Pesach you start to panic? Well, when I see the white paroches behind me, there are days of awe, I am filled with awe. Of course because we're going to stand before the Almighty, but also because we have to deliver droshes before the Almighty and we're running out of time. But it's an exciting time. You may have passed countless cement trucks that have been lined up since early this morning because they're pouring the foundation of our new shul, of our new Katz sanctuary. Caroline, you have to come out afterwards and check it out of the new Katz sanctuary, they're pouring the foundation where the kedusha and the sanctity and the holiness and please God our connection to Hashem and everything follows the foundation, everything follows the beginning. That is the idea of Rosh Hashana, Rosh Hashana, the head of the year, everything follows the head. And so everything follows the beginning and the foundation. And everybody when you walk by, when you drive by, go outside, please give a bracha to our foundation. It should be a foundation of kedusha, of sanctity, and of holiness, of closeness to Hashem, of bringing bracha to the great people who helped enable that particular sanctuary and the whole new campus. By the way, you can still join that list and get bracha, we still have more spaces, you can still do it, but im yirtzeh Hashem it's a very very exciting day and there's a lot going on. So we'll read some emails, got some incredible emails over the last week. It's becoming one of the hardest parts of my entire job is deciding which emails to read every week. Now that's a great problem and a great challenge to have. I bless you in whatever job you have, it's not a job, it's a calling and it's a labor of love, so I can hardly call it a job, but it's one of the most challenging tasks, maybe we should form a committee, everything with a committee. Dear Rabbi Goldberg, my husband and I have been weekly listeners of Living with Emunah for quite some time now. We often use the phrase embrace your place and you're exactly where you're meant to be, not as a cliché but as a true source of nechama. I have often mentioned that there are incidents I should really email you about, but this week's story was truly extraordinary. On Monday I went to the doctor for my weekly nine-month pregnancy visit. I was informed my blood pressure was too high, the fluid around the baby was low, and that I would need to be induced immediately at thirty-six weeks. My initial response was, today's not a good day, I'm not really ready, I'm not really ready. But the doctor insisted. Baruch Hashem on Tuesday morning I gave birth to a beautiful though very small baby girl who was immediately taken to the NICU. Since I wasn't home to take my two-year-old to playgroup, my husband had to daven at a later minyan. He thought there was one at a local shul at 9:00 AM, but there wasn't. Someone told him about a minyan at a nearby shiva house, so he went despite not knowing the family. So first of all, there are many remarkable things about this story. Pause is number one. That's a real commitment to tefillah b'tzibbur. He went to the shul, it's not BRS that has minyan every half hour all morning and then Mincha all afternoon and Maariv all night, a little shameless promotion for BRS. And it didn't have a nine o'clock minyan. So I always said, I tried, there's a lot going on, I got to get my kid off, I had a brand new baby, I didn't really sleep last night, I tried to go to minyan, okay, close enough. He was really committed, he found a shiva house and even though he didn't know the people and he wasn't embarrassed or ashamed to go, I think that's really in itself remarkable. After the minyan everyone... got up to leave but my husband decided to stay a bit longer to be menachem avel as best he could for people he didn't even know. A father was sitting shiva for his 34-year-old son who had passed away from cancer leave behind a wife and three young children five three and one. Passed away the day after his youngest child's first birthday. The father asked my husband if he had known his son. My husband replied honestly that he hadn't, explaining that he was simply looking for a minyan because his wife had just given birth to our eighth child only four hours earlier. The father asked what the baby's name was. My husband explained we hadn't yet named her, as the decision hadn't been made, and he had some time until he'd be called up to the Torah to name her. He added that every parent is blessed with a special ruach hakodesh, a divine inspiration when choosing a baby's name. The father then shared that his son's English name was David, the same as my husband's, but his Hebrew name was Menachem Aryeh. Menachem after his grandfather, a survivor of the Warsaw Ghetto, and Aryeh because he was looking at his newborn son, he saw a lion of God. That's what the father sitting shiva said about his son, that he saw a lion of God and therefore he named him Menachem Aryeh. Later that day, my sister-in-law and I were discussing the names in the hospital. I called my husband with a suggestion: Ariella Dina. My sister-in-law had suggested Ariella because it means lion of God, which felt so fitting for a small yet strong and courageous baby who had arrived early. I also felt Elah could connect to Elul and Dina to approaching Yom Hadin. My husband's reaction was one of shock. Oh my gosh, I can't believe it. He realized that just hours earlier the father had used the same words, lion of God, to describe his son. He saw this as a sign straight from Hashem. On Thursday morning, since I was still in the hospital, my husband returned to the shiva minyan and decided it would be most meaningful to name our daughter there. After davening he explained to the family the significance of her name and how the daughter was in a sense named in connection with their son. The family was deeply touched and their shiva concluded with a sense of closure. The father told us we would always be part of their family. The Rabbi present remarked he could not imagine a more fitting way to end a shiva. So what a story for so many reasons. Baruch Hashem, a healthy baby even if premature and in a NICU, a husband who insisted on a minyan even if it meant going to a shiva house of someone he never met, for someone who passed away he didn't know, staying to have a conversation. I would have snuck out during Aleinu because I was just using it for the minyan. But I wouldn't have, Yocheved, I would have stayed, I would have been menachem avel. You know, even after 28 years, you can't take anything for granted, so I don't want her to have regrets. I would have stayed, I would have been menachem avel. But he stayed, he was menachem avel, he learned the name and then the wife, the same exact expression, lion of God, Aryeh, Ariella, and then to go back and name at the shiva house, just an amazing amazing amazing story. Amazing story. Rabbi Goldberg, hope you're well. First of all I want to thank you, blah blah blah, thank you for your kind words. I've been listening the last six months, it's positively impacted my life in many ways. I'm 26 years old and single, the journey's been ups and downs, there are moments where I feel incredibly alone and hopeless. Through the podcast I've been learning to embrace my place and find happiness in the parsha I'm currently in. From handling rejection to losing my phone in Israel this summer right before the Iron War broke out to running to bomb shelters for the first time in my life, the Emunah shiur has not only kept me afloat, it's given the tools to handle all situations with a menuchat hanefesh and a true understanding I'm exactly where I'm meant to be. I want to share a hashgacha pratit story, a story of divine providence that happened to me the other day that I felt was a wink and hug from Hashem. I had to give a presentation for my residency program and generally public speaking gives me a lot of anxiety, so I preferred to be the first to present so I can get it out of the way. When I asked my supervisor the order of presenters and if I could be first, she said every year they randomly generate a list of all the residents, I'd be unable to choose when I speak. The morning of my presentation I davened, I had done my part, I prepared, and now I asked that Hashem do His part and help me be the first to present. When the time came that day for them to announce the first speaker, I couldn't help but break into a huge smile when they said my name first out of 35 residents. I felt like Hashem was giving me a hug telling me I'm never alone. I went up to speak with confidence, I knew Hashem was with me every step of the way. It reminded me there are no randomly generated lists but everything is from Hashem, the big and the small. Power of tefillah and emunah never fails to amaze me, I feel grateful to be able to see directly the yad Hashem, especially during a period of my life when it sometimes feels like Hashem is hiding. Thank you for all you do, look forward to a special episode or series on emunah in shidduchim that we've been talking about for a while, so hopefully we will get to that soon. But it is always amazing when you get the yes. Hashem always answers our tefillos. It's not always the answer that we want or we're looking for, but He always answers. He's never not listening, He never ignores us, He's never distracted from us, He always answers us even if it doesn't feel like the answer that we're looking for, it's always the right answer for us even if it doesn't feel like it. Rabbi Goldberg, you have a double-whammy. today, absolutely mind-blowing. That's a great introduction. That makes me want to read the email. On Friday I was driving to the local kosher grocery store to buy some food for Shabbos. I was listening to your Turn Friday into Erev Shabbos shiur in the car. By the way, big fan of Turn Friday into Erev Shabbos. We have a rocking to'ameha going with Rabbi Silber in Baltimore. I believe you came once. Would love to have you again. Which I did, and they do have a rocking, at shul they start early with some good to'ameha, some good kugel, cholent, singing. What a way to go into Kabbalas Shabbos. Anyhow, I really love the idea of adding—so what he's talking about, it happens to be that this is the least listened to shiurim of the ones I give, but every shiur I give I do for myself. So if nobody listened, I'd still be happy because it's my learning. And this is not a another shameless promotion and appeal, but every Friday morning 10 AM we stream it. You could listen anytime you want. But we do five to ten minutes of getting ready for Shabbos. It's a little music, it's a concept, an idea of preparing for Shabbos. Gets you in the mood. It's a big pump-up speech for Shabbos. And we've been doing it since Corona. So there are episode number 203, whatever we're up to. And it's a great way to get ready for Shabbos. So last week we spoke about the idea of, we're learning a beautiful sefer from the Nadvorna Rebbe of Yerushalayim on Shabbos. And he quotes in there the idea of, all the preparation for Shabbos, if you say L'kovod Shabbos Kodesh when you do it, you've transformed that object from an object that is base, an object mundane, an object that's profane, and you've endowed it, you've imbued it with holiness. So when you shop in the supermarket, every item you put in the carriage or as you're putting it on the conveyor belt of checkout, you say L'kovod Shabbos Kodesh. So now what looks like a package with a with a symbol to pay, now is an instrument of holiness, of Shabbos. And that's true when you set the table L'kovod Shabbos Kodesh, and when you're yelling at your husband to get ready L'kovod Shabbos Kodesh, and when you're—everything that you do. Anyhow, back to the email. I really love the idea of adding L'kovod Shabbos Kodesh to infuse our every Shabbos prep with some of the kedusha of Shabbos. I was super pumped to go into the store and say L'kovod Shabbos Kodesh as I picked out the food and paid for it. And I got to the deli counter all excited to drop my new line. The wonderful Latino non-Jewish man handed me my container of cholent with a smile and said, L'kovod Shabbos Kodesh. He beat me to it. As an aside, my heart stopped, jaw dropped, the cholent almost did as well. Mind blown, capital letters. Such an amazing kiss from Hashem. Clearly, He was sending me a message. I was on the right path with this newly added practice. So he listened on the way to the store, was all geared up to say it, and that apparently is the training at the kosher supermarket in Baltimore. They train the non-Jewish employees how to say L'kovod Shabbos Kodesh. Speaking of kiss from Hashem, I have an emunah story to be filed under the car accident chapter. I wanted to send it last week, never got around to it. Now with the Erev Shabbos story, I was forced into action. A few weeks ago I left work as we were heading out of town for a brief summer vacation. No minyan at the beach we were going to, so I went ahead and printed a couple of divrei Torah that you had written to read over Shabbos in lieu of a Shabbos drasha. There was a torrential downpour on my drive home. As I went on the ramp to get on one of the busiest highways in the country, my car slid, did multiple spins across four lanes before finally slamming into the median. All airbags deployed, there was smoke everywhere, I couldn't see much and was definitely in a state of shock. I was facing the other direction on this incredibly busy highway during rush hour and somehow despite crossing four lanes in a torrential downpour did not hit or get hit by another car. I knew immediately that the car was totaled. I did a quick exam to see if I had any injuries, and thank God there were none. My first thought was, I can't believe I totaled my car, how on earth am I supposed to make it on this vacation? We're supposed to leave in a few minutes. It was a brief moment of stress right before I looked into my right passenger seat and I saw the printed out divrei Torah from you. And I thought, I am where I'm supposed to be. Let go and let God take over from here. That was a stressful situation—that was as stressful a situation as I could ever imagine being in, but constant reinforcement of the principles of living with emunah helped me cope and get through. Wishing tremendous hatzlacha. Thank you very much. That was a double whammy indeed. Two great stories and I'm grateful for that. Someone else had a birthday and they've listened to every of the 358 episodes of Living with Emunah. They enlighten her week. Her children know she always quotes it, so for her birthday she opened the envelope and she didn't know what to expect. It was a beautiful card and inside it, Embrace Your Place sticker that now is on her steering wheel and decal, and what a birthday present. Everybody should get those for the people that they love. Okay, one more and then we'll get into our learning. Oh this is so hard. Okay, but here's one more. Dear Rabbi Goldberg, I have a pretty crazy emunah story to share. Again, if you want to get my attention. After going to my anatomy scan, the doctor told me this pregnancy was high risk just like the last one, and I'd have to be monitored closely again. Same story. At first I was crushed, then I remembered how Hashem proved the doctors wrong last time, and He could do it again. My daughter made it to 37 weeks and she was just very, very small but otherwise completely healthy baruch Hashem. On August 26, I went to a regular doctor's appointment. I was being seen twice a week and close monitoring. After doing the ultrasound, the doctor told me that my numbers looked a little high and wanted me to get another test done. After doing that test, she told me I should go to the hospital for extra monitoring. I don't know how, but Hashem made it that I was so calm. I don't think it was a big deal. I just thought I'd go to the hospital, quick test, come home, and the doctor's overreacting. My husband really wanted to come with me because he was worried. I keep telling him it's no big deal, I'd be home soon. He was watching my toddler. After an hour and a half of monitoring at the hospital, one of the doctors told me everything looked good. I'd be able to go home at nine. Great. I called my husband, told him no need to come, I was going to pick up burgers for us because I was starving and missed dinner. About five minutes later, listen to this, five minutes later, ten doctors burst into the room. There was chaos and they're yelling, "Baby's heart rate dropped and it's been down for five minutes, we need to deliver you now." Someone else screamed, "Prep the OR." It was literally a scene out of a movie. I was only twenty-eight weeks. Hashem saved my baby's life. He was born one pound, eleven ounces. He's still in the NICU, he's such a fighter. If I had not been at that doctor's visit when I was, I never would have known that something was wrong. It's not easy. I've been coming to the NICU every day. I'm emotionally, physically tired. On most days, so overwhelmed, but I keep reminding myself what a miracle Hashem did for us because an alternative outcome would have been a lot worse. Even his birthday, Hashem had written all over it. Eight twenty-six. Eight is a supernatural number measured by miracles. Eight is one more than seven. Seven is nature. The Maharal says eight is one more than nature. Twenty-six is Hashem's name. And his Hebrew birthday is the second of Elul, telling us that we need to wake up and cling to Hashem. Hamelech basadeh, the king is in the field. You can't make this stuff up. When I went to the hospital for monitoring, I got a parking spot right away and I didn't think anything of it. I've been coming every day to the hospital for the last three weeks and there have been times I've been circling for thirty minutes. Who knows what could have happened if I hadn't found that parking spot right away? Or the fact that I was supposed to take my daughter with me to the doctors, but my husband happened to have come home early. And what if the doctor hadn't given me the other test and just sent me home? What if my appointment was earlier in the day? Hashem really orchestrated every step so our baby could be delivered safely. Baruch Hashem, looking forward to sharing the good news when my son comes home after his NICU stay. As always, thank you for the chizuk. Another, that was another... Each time someone introduces their email, they've come through. These stories are outrageous. There are more stories, I'll end with one more, which is my own. And it didn't have a great ending, although it had an amazing ending. But yesterday, after working on the outline for my Shabbos Shuva drasha for a few days now, and an outline that was very long, probably you would tell me this was a miracle from Hashem and a good thing, but I had saved it because I've learned that lesson the hard way. First thing you do when you start a new document, save it. And then, of course, after you save a document, the autosave is on. So you don't keep pressing that little... I was wondering, actually, what do kids think that image is of? You know the logo that you press to save a document? What do they think that image is? What is it? What is it? It's a floppy disk. So what do they think that is? They probably have no idea what that... what that logo is that you press to save a document. Some of you are looking at me right now like "What's a floppy disk?" Anyway, for another time. So, I had saved it with a name and to the cloud, and I was all good to go until yesterday I was working on it. Then I worked on another document and then Microsoft Word crashed. And when I reopened it to get back to work on the Shabbos Shuva drasha, it hadn't saved since I started working on it. So even though I've done this before, I've had this problem before, and I knew that just cut your losses and get back to work, I spent the next several hours watching YouTube videos and Googling and experimenting and determined that I was going to find it. But of course, I didn't. But Hashem did help me last night generally reconstruct it, Baruch Hashem. But why am I sharing that with you? Not for your sympathy or empathy. I'm sharing it with you because this year... I'm now writing an email to myself... thank you so much, you're the most amazing, good-looking, charismatic, thank you, that's so kind of you, yada yada yada, blah blah blah, thank you for the compliments. Okay, now I'll continue the email. In the email to myself is, "I'm so grateful for this year because I can tell you, Leigh can tell you, Marilyn, who I happen to be learning with, can tell you, and Yocheved can tell you, I literally, because of this year, was able to say, 'Okay, Hashem didn't mean for that version to be what I give. Had it meant to be saved, it would have been saved. And because it wasn't saved, it's because that version wasn't meant to be delivered. And whatever I meant to remember and reconstruct of it is what I meant to give. So don't panic and don't be angry and don't be upset and don't beat yourself up and don't beat Microsoft up and don't beat your IT person up and don't beat anything up.'" This is the way it's meant to be. And okay, it'll take a little time. Channel the angst, anger, resentment, frustration into a little tefillah, Hashem, let me reconstruct this with some alacrity. Let me reconstruct this in an expedited way. Let it come back together fairly quickly, which Baruch Hashem He answered that tefillah, and it did. So a day later you live to tell about it and if you would have been angry and upset and yelling and screaming and frustrated, it would not have helped. What did help was a little whiskey I have under my desk, but that was the first thing I did. Okay. That did help a little bit. I shouldn't say that. I'm not encouraging that, that is not what anyone should turn to ever for anything. Anyway, but the point is, living with Emunah. When you live with Emunah, then you figure it out. That actually is the topic of our Shabbos Shuva Drasha, from self to soul, letting go of your ego to enhance your relationships, your success, and your meaning in life. The whole Shabbos Shuva Drasha is about, let's see which version we ultimately give. By the way, now I save it like every four seconds. I write like one word, save. Next sentence, save. Save in 17 places, print it out in case the whole World Wide Web crashes. Anyway, that's the lesson that you learn. But whichever version we end up giving, that's the topic. And the balance between, how do you know what's your ego, and how do you know when it's your mission? Which is really what we're learning, back to Emunah, Bitachon, Rav Dovid Abuhatzeira, because what we've learned in this perek, the last perek he has in this sefer, עבודת השם דווקא מהמצב שנמצא בו עכשיו, serving Hashem from the place and the position that we're in right now in this moment. Not where we wish we were, not where we were yesterday, not where we can't wait to be tomorrow, but where am I right now? And what's my avodah right now? Sometimes we're in a perfect place, in an amazing place. When you're lying on a lounge chair, sipping a piña colada, looking out over over the ocean, you're like, ooh, I'm serving Hashem from this place. Okay, that's not hard. When you're about to walk your child down the aisle, and you're going to stand under the chuppah, and you love who they're marrying, and you know how you're paying for the wedding, you say, oh, I'm serving Hashem from this place. Okay, shkoach. Baruch Hashem we had a bris this morning. And when you're standing there, you're the sandek and you're holding your grandchild, and oh, I'm serving Hashem from this place. That's easy. By the way, it's not so easy. Plenty of people forget to serve Hashem from that place too. They forget to say, thank You, Hashem, I could afford this vacation. I'm healthy and well. I'm where I'm supposed to be. I'm finding You in this where I am. They forget that too. It's not so easy even though we joke. But what about from the hardship? What about when Microsoft just deleted your entire document, your file, your hard work for many hours? Can you serve Hashem from that place? Or do you serve yourself? Do you indulge your ego? What do you mean? Do you know who I am? How could you do this? Do you know how many people are going to rely on me, listen to me, and hear me? We're actually introducing something new this year. An email will go out. Shabbos Shuva Drasha, Shabbos Hagadol Drasha are local for the people who live here. Even though we stream for free, there's no paywall, there's no plus membership. All of our Torah, Baruch Hashem we have the zchus to teach, we share with the whole world. Every article, every shiur, everyone, everything. But we keep Shabbos Shuva, Shabbos Hagadol local, offline. But we do have another community, which are the people who enable us to share and do everything. So the global community, the highest level, the most generous donors, we're having a Zoom of a version of the Shabbos Shuva Drasha. It's not too late to join that group and that list if you'd like to be part of it and get access to it. But that, what we're overcoming is, our ego kicks in in that moment. We have a fight with our spouse, we lose it with our child, we get angry with our boss, we get into a fight with our customer, we get in a fight with our computer, because our ego says, do you know who I am? Do you know how important I am? Do you know how important what I've been working on is? Do you know how many people are coming to hear that? Like, what do you mean? It can't be gone! But when you can press pause and take that deep breath and restore your neshama with your neshima, take that breath and restore your soul, and you say, whoa, let go. Ego, like who are you? You're nothing. And you're pathetic because this happened again to you and you didn't learn the lesson. So not only should you have no ego, you're actually a pathetic loser that this has happened to you again because you do not know how to save a document correctly, appropriately, in enough places and frequently enough. So not only should you have no ego, but you should realize and be humbled by this and just channel it and turn it to Hashem and say, what's next? What's my avodah in this moment? What's my work, what's my mission, what's my purpose in this matzav? And that matzav, Baruch Hashem, is relatively nothing. That matzav, that place could be the NICU. That place could be next to a hospital bed. That place could be a shivah home. What's my avodah, what am I meant to be doing right here? Do I run out to Aleinu and escape because I was just using it for the minyan? Or does Hashem want me to sit for a few moments and try to comfort people I never met and let's see where it leads to. What's my avodah in this moment and in this matzav? That's our mission, that's what Rav David Abuchatzeira's been telling us, taking us through, that אם לא עכשיו אימתי, what's our achshav? What's my right now? I can't get yesterday back, it's gone. It doesn't exist, the past is gone. And and tomorrow's not here yet, right? הבדלה מוצאי שמחת תורה is not here yet. That relief, that exhale, that going into the year, that beautiful Yom Tov season, it's not here yet or whatever you're looking forward to that's coming next, the Bar Mitzvah, the simcha, the birth of a baby, the many great things that are coming. All I have is achshav and אם לא עכשיו אימתי, all I have is right now. Where am I meant to go right now? What am I meant to do right now? What's happening next right now? All I have is right now. אין לך אדם שאין לו שעה ואין לך דבר שאין לו מקום. Everyone has their hour, this is my hour, your hour, but it's not the same hour for both of us. We're different. We each are different. Every human being on earth, all billion, all billions are different. We have different background, different strengths, different weaknesses, different assets, different liabilities. What's our mission? What's our mission? What's our matzav, what's our mandate? And he's been taking this Al Tomar L'she-efaneh, all these different ideas, which brings us up to the bottom left, page Kuf Chaf Aleph, corresponding in the Artscroll new translation to page 301, still. Page 301. 301. Still page 301. מכאן הורה לדעת ויש לך לחזור ולחדד לעצמך פעם בפעם כי עבודה שעובד להשם יתברך בזמן המקודש המעובר עליו רצויה וחשובה לפני השם יתברך. Here's the thing. Sometimes we're tempted to feel and say: You know, Hashem, why am I wasting my time with this? Shouldn't I be doing something better and different, more important and more elevated for you? This narishkeit, this nonsense? I have to reconstruct the document I already did? I have to go take care of some mindless activity, some busy work because... So no. If we understand that in every moment, whatever we've determined mindfully, thoughtfully, strategically, consciously, with intention, when we've determined this is where I'm meant to be right now, this is what I'm meant to do right now, then lean in with your all. That's what you're supposed to be doing, even if it's mindless, and even if it's busy work. ואף שאינו מצליח לעבודתו בישוב הדעת, and even if you say but I'm all frazzled, I just lost all my work and I'm all anxious and no matter how many emunah shiurim I've gone to, no matter how many emunah shiurim I've given, no matter how closely I'm re-reading the sticker on the back of my phone: Embrace your place and your document is where it's meant to be. It doesn't matter. I'm saying all the right things and I'm trying to think all the right things, but if you measure my blood pressure, my body's not feeling all the right things. I literally yesterday, again, it was a nothing. I'm not asking for simcha, I'm trying to give a real-life example which is personal. I can tell you I was like nauseous. My stomach hurt, like I can't believe this again. And what am I going to do now? And do I have the hours to be able to redo this? I said all the right things and I believed all the right things and I worked on all the right things, but my stomach was not on the same page. We were disagreeing and it was winning. So even in that moment, שאינו מצליח לעבוד בישוב הדעת, what do you mean? If I give the emunah shiur, if I go to the emunah shiur, if I got the sticker and the decal and the cup and the and the magnet, then why is my stomach, why is my blood pressure, why is my pulse, why are my sweat glands, why aren't they cooperating with me? אין לו את הכלים המוחים והרחבת הדעת הראויים לקיים המצווה כדקא יאות. I don't have what it takes to stay calm in this moment. I'm not fully present. I'm not fully mindful. The person I met with next actually stopped and looked at me and said: Are you okay? I said: Yeah, why? I'm fine. L'chaim. I'm fine. I didn't say l'chaim, don't worry. I said: Yes, I'm fine. I'm fine. But but you can know and think all the right things and it's not registering, it's not filtering, you're struggling to to execute on it. Im kol zeh, with all that, חשובה עבודה זו לפני המקום ברוך הוא יותר משעה שירווח לו ותשוב אליו בישוב דעתו. If you do your best, if you put one foot in front of the other, if you continue with what you're meant to do next, have that next meeting, write the next Dvar Torah, make the next phone call, do the next visit, do the next mitzvah with whatever you can bring to it, that's what Hashem wants. That's what's precious and beloved. That's what He cares about. That's what you're meant to do in that moment, that's your matzav. אף שיוכל לעבוד מתוך התבוננות ואף להשיג מדרגות גבוהות. Some people can't. It's hard. It's hard. Hashem wants us to do the best that we can. And when we bring our all and do our best understanding that moment is our challenge, then He accepts it and He welcomes it and He embraces it like it's the highest and the holiest there is. Many of us look forward and are moved most by Unesaneh Tokef. מי יחיה מי ימות, we cry, we think about who we lost, we think about who we worry about, and it inspires and it motivates and it moves. But for some people, it's a little too descriptive, it's a little too real. מי באש מי במים? So someone comes and says, Rabbi, I don't know how I'm going to say Unesaneh Tokef this year. Much of davening, I don't know that I can get there early and stay all the time and be present in my mind for the whole thing. And you know what the answer is? Do your best. Hashem wants you to bring your best and do your best, and He understands because He's been with you through all that you've been going through. So it's okay. Your place this year is not the singing and clapping and hopping and bopping and bouncing off the wall and the loudest and the most plugged in and the most tuned in. Your place is bringing whatever you could bring. And in the things that you're bringing next to the machzor, maybe is a meaningful book that parts of davening, don't read a novel, but bring a meaningful reading because there's going to be something meaningful that you're going to read because there are parts of tefillah that this year you can't do. Now maybe you wouldn't expect a rabbi to be saying this, but that's what that's what Rav David Abuchatzira is saying. That's what Hashem wants you, do your best, bring your best in this moment and in that matzav of life, that's what you've got. That's what you've got for this mitzvah. Now, it's dangerous and it could be a slippery slope because we can make all kinds of excuses and justifications and rationalizations for ourselves. I could barely daven, that's the best I could do this year, good enough God. I could barely do this mitzvah, I could barely show up for that, I could barely, I, this year I am focused on self-care. Now self-care is important. We spoke about it at the women's shiur maybe last Simchas Torah, two years ago, three years ago. Self-care is critically important. Critically important. If you don't take care of yourself, then you can't take care of others. But Judaism, the Torah's endorsement of self-care is self-care so you can care about others, not caring about how much others care about your self-care. That's a slippery slope. When can I unplug, when is it time to myself, when do I excuse myself because this is where I'm holding, and when am I over-indulging in self-care because I'm selfish and I have a big ego and now I've made all kinds of excuses? This is a tough question, these are the questions we have to ask ourselves. But if we legitimately are in a place where it's hard to connect, where we're doing the best that we can, where we're giving it our all to show up, our friend, our spouse, our neighbor, Hashem, then that's what Hashem wants from us. And let go, let God, even in that moment. Sometimes the let go is let go of the guilt, let go of the shame, let go of the beating yourself up, let go of the knocking yourself down, and instead hold on to this is what I'm meant to do, this is the matzav that I'm in, this is what I bring to this moment. And as long as we're honest with ourselves and as long as we can say this is the best I can do and this is what I bring to this moment, maybe the three out of ten that you're bringing to this moment is greater than the eight out of ten someone else is bringing. Because the eight out of ten someone else is bringing came easy. The eight out of ten someone else is bringing, they were slacking off, it could have been a ten. And the three that you're bringing took your all. You dug deep, took everything you've got just to show up. There are people I marvel at, I admire, I'm in awe of, who just get to the end of the day. With all they face and have to overcome and navigate in their lives, if they can just get to the end of the day, wow, that is a win. They didn't find the cure for cancer, they didn't bring peace to the war in Ukraine and Russia or Israel and Gaza, they didn't release the, they didn't, they got to the end of the day with faith, family, generally positivity. Wow, that is enormous. So that's what Rav David Abuchatzira is giving us the chizuk to know: wherever we're holding in life, if you could bring more, bring more. If you could go for an eight or nine, a ten out of ten, eleven out of ten, no excuse, bring it. Step up, man up, grow up, and bring it. No excuses. No excuses. But if you can't, then it's okay. Hashem loves you for whatever you can bring, whatever you can do. But what's most important is in every moment, in every matzav, in every situation, to actually be present, to press pause, to be thoughtful and mindful and to say, okay, what's this moment? What does it demand of me? What am I meant to do next? How am I meant to react? Yesterday, Microsoft Word, I knew I had a good emunah story, so at least I had something out of it for the shiur. But I did keep trying to slow down time, because it tends to speed up in those situations, to slow down time and say, okay, what do I need to do now? How am I meant to react? How am I meant to process this? What am I meant to do with this? What does this mean for me? My matzav. All of us find ourselves in a different matzav every minute, every hour, every day, every week, every month. And that's the only way to endure, the only way to go forward. ואף להשיג מדריגות גבוהות שכן בכך שעושה עבודתו בכל דרגא ומצב שנמצא בו. When you do your avodah at every level and in every situation that you find yourself, מעיד על אמונתו החזקה בבורא יתברך. If you only show up when it's easy, when you're in a good place, then you're not really in it for him. But if you show up and you give it your all and you're there even when the going gets tough, you're all in. You'll excuse me, I'm going to give a sports metaphor for a moment, right? You have in sports what are called the fair-weather fans. When your team is in first place, your team is making the playoffs, your team is marching to the championship, okay, you wore their paraphernalia, you watched, you cheered, you're a fair-weather fan. I always marvel. And here in South Florida, it's like the second game of the season. But like, who's still going to a Dolphin game, no offense, Dolphins? Like by the third game of the season, it's sort of clear and obvious. It's over, they're out, it's done, they're not getting anywhere. And in the last game of the season, who's filling the stands? Who's wearing the jersey? Who's still cheering? For what? They're out, they're statistically eliminated. What are you doing? Ela mai? If you're still showing up then, you are a fan. You're a fan. You weren't only cheering because of the positive outcome. You weren't just cheering because you're going to march to the championship, you're a fan. But the guy who like, you know, when you get to the playoffs let me know, I'll buy tickets. When you get to the playoffs let me know, I'll tune in and I'll cheer and I'll walk around like I'm the biggest fan. So that person, okay. What about last season when we got knocked out of the playoffs? Can you name a player? I'm not saying these aren't important things or how you should spend your time at all. I'm giving it derech mashal. It's a metaphor. HaKadosh Baruch Hu says when you don't feel it and it's not going to be a winning davening and a winning mitzvah and a winning moment and you show up anyway, that's emunah. כי בכך מאמין שכך גזרו משמים שיעבוד מתוך שלא תפנה. Because when you show up then anyway what you're saying is I don't know what will be tomorrow. This is this moment and all I have is right now. The past and the future aren't real. You do know that, right? Yes. They're not real. You can't bottle them. You can't distribute them. You can't capture them. You can't hold on to them. They're not real. They're figments of our imagination. They're gone. The past isn't here. You can't get it back. And the future is not yet here and you can't make it come quicker. They're not real. They're an illusion. They're figments of imagination. They're not real. The only dimension that's real is the present. It's why it's called a gift. Yes, the present, a gift from above. The present. That's the only dimension that's real. It's the only dimension that's real. How many people forfeit, how many people lose the present because they're stuck in the past? We know people like that. They're still holding on to 1984 was the best year, that summer in camp, my team, we won the championship. What happened with us? They're still holding on to the past, the past. They think their best is behind them and all they're living through is the past. They're constantly telling you the story that they told you 4,000 times already. They're in the past. And other people, often young people, are lost in the future. What I'm going to do, where I'm going to go, what I'm going to create, how I'm going to build my home, the way I'm going to raise my children, who I'm going to marry, the job I'm going to have, the difference I'm going to... Hey buddy, the future's not here yet. Relax. Relax. Or worry! What's going to be in the future and how's it going to work out and what's going to go? And I don't know, a lot of people are worried. You know what they both have in common? The people who are living in the past and the people who are worried about or lost in planning for the future, they're both forfeiting the present, which is the only real dimension that we live in. They're forfeiting the present, they're giving it up and it's quickly becoming the past. Every moment of the present that you don't live in the present goes into the illusion figment category called the past. And how many people are forfeiting the present because they're stuck in the past or they're lost in the future that's not here? Now the past and the future have value. What's their value? You learn from the past and you plan for the future. They have value. But both of their value only is how they inform and inspire the present. Both of their values only in how they inform and inspire the present. That's the only dimension that we live in. You know what the risk and the cost of forfeiting the present? I've told this story before. Yocheved just watched a documentary about Christopher Reeve. Christopher Reeve, we know, Superman, the great Superman, became quadriplegic, paraplegic and was confined the rest of his life. life to a wheelchair, immobile. Why? From an equestrian race, he was on a horse and it tripped on a hurdle and landed on him and left him paralyzed. And he once said in an interview, when asked, was that a particularly difficult hurdle? Did you know that that was a complicated, challenging, particularly difficult hurdle that you ended up tripping on that changed your life forever? Listen to what he said. He said it wasn't wasn't that hurdle. The particularly difficult hurdle was the next one. What happened was, he stopped thinking about the hurdle he was jumping because he was thinking about the next one to come. And when he started thinking about the next one to come is when he tripped on the present hurdle. Superman not being in the present cost him his mobility and his superpowers, cost him his powers. That's the cost of forfeiting the present, is that you lose all your power. Forfeiting the present makes you immobile. Forfeiting the present takes away your Superman. It changed his life forever, forever. The present is the only dimension, that matzav, that moment. By the way, going into next week, it's also the only dimension Hashem cares about on Rosh Hashanah, Aseret Yemei Teshuvah, and Yom Kippur. And I've shared this before as well. I don't apologize for repeating it because these things need reinforcement. We're learning new things, but we weave in things we've shared because they all are critically important. And you don't remember them. So I was taught, I always thought my whole life, why do we come to shul Rosh Hashanah, Aseret Yemei Teshuvah, Yom Kippur? What's it all about? What will we be judged for? The past year. What kind of year did you have? Were you a good boy or a good girl or a bad boy, a bad girl? Let's, come on, pass me, let me see the ledger. Let's see how many good things and bad things. You want and you're asking for all these things, before I grant them to you, let's see what kind of year you had. How much Lashon Hara you spoke? How much anger, rage you expressed? How much patience, how much generosity, how much stinginess? Let's bring the BRS Global campaign and see if your name is there. Let's see the campus expansion and see if you're trying to make a difference. Let's see whether you davened for the hostages and the people in Israel or only for yourself. Let's see last year how you did. That's what I always thought Rosh Hashanah Yom Kippur were for. So oh boy, I better think about my past year and come grovel and apologize and ask for forgiveness to make up for my past year. Right? Is that what you think, is that what you were taught also? The ledger, the past, the past year, being judged for our past. Says the Gemara Rosh Hashanah אין דן לאדם אלא לפי מעשיו של אותה שעה. Hashem could care less about your past. You know why? It's not real. It's an illusion, it's a figment, it's not real for him either. The past is gone, it's not here. How could he punish you or hold you accountable for a past if it's not here and you can't change it or repair it? It's gone. And he's not judging you for a future that hasn't yet happened. So אין דן אלא לפי אדם אלא לפי מעשיו של אותה שעה. He only can evaluate and judges based on that moment, the present. Ay, what's all the אשמנו בגדנו על חטא על חטא, the past, the past? No. All he cares about is in the present, are you nostalgic for the past? Are you excited, enthusiastic, do you have wonderful memories of all your mistakes? Do you hold on to them? Do they still inform you? Are they still how you're behaving and shaping, shaping you today? Then, then they're not part of your past, they're part of your present. If you left them behind, if you have remorse and regret, if you look back with shame and guilt, if you're determined to never do them again, then in your present they're not here. All he cares about is the present. And do you know why that's unbelievably empowering? Because it means, and you don't have to wait till the first night of Rosh Hashanah, today, the present is any moment, Teshuvah is allowed all year round. All you have to do in this moment to say, you know what? I am breaking up with you, past. It's a problem in me, not in you. I'm sorry, we had fun together, but I'm breaking up with you, past. I'm leaving you behind, it's over. It's over. That pattern, those habits, that behavior, I'm done. I'm not thinking about it, I'm not nostalgic about it, I'm not fantasizing about it, I'm not holding on to it, and I'm never going to repeat it. I'm done with you, past. And officially, effectively, immediately, this is the new me. The new me: I'm not speaking Lashon Hara, I'm not looking at the wrong thing, I'm not coming late to davening, I'm not talking during davening, I'm not getting angry, I'm not getting jealous. The new me. Hashem says, ooh wow, tzaddik. And Hashem is not being sarcastic. Ooh, tzaddik. Hashem is saying, takeh tzaddik. Tzaddik! Ooh-wa, tzaddik. And you want me to prove it? I'll prove it to you with a halacha. The Gemara in Kiddushin, I thought we were going to finish this section today, the Gemara in Kiddushin says the following. What if a man proposes to a woman... If he's a millionaire they're married. If he's not, they're not. I hereby propose to you on condition that—and whatever the condition is, if the condition is met they're married. The Gemara in Kiddushin says if the condition's not met they're not married. What if he says I'm hereby married to you on the condition על מנת שאני צדיק? I'm married to you on condition that I'm a tzadik, I'm a righteous, righteous person. Are they married? So the Gemara says, well, one second, one of the edei kiddushin, one of the witnesses at this chuppah says, you're marrying on condition that you're a tzadik? I just saw you on the way walking down to the chuppah eating a cheeseburger. On the way down walking to the chuppah you were mumbling lashon hara to your mother and your father next to you. On the way walking down to the chuppah—I don't know, don't think about it, but think about the worst aveira. What do you mean, על מנת שאני צדיק? You know what the Gemara says? They're married. You know why? Because standing under the chuppah shema hirher betshuva. At that moment he was determined and he decided, his new present, he declared, I am hereby a tzadik. Now, that makes you a tzadik? Well, that depends. In the next moment, in your new present, are you still a tzadik? And in the next moment, in your new present, are you still a tzadik? If you revert back to who you were, you're not a tzadik, not because of the past, but because in your present you didn't live up to what you said. All Hashem cares about is our present. Do you know how empowering that is? So many people are stuck, they're paralyzed and debilitated because they have shame and guilt for a past. I can't tell you how many people I know who can forgive everyone around them, the only one they can't forgive is themselves. They can't forgive themselves. If they were a different husband or wife, maybe they'd still be married. If they tried harder, maybe they would have a different financial situation and they could retire. If they just had not done this, if they had just done that, things could have been different, and they're stuck. They're stuck and paralyzed with regret and shame and misery. But Hashem says get out of the muck. Hashem says get out of the straightjacket. Hashem says the past is gone, don't beat yourself up, forgive yourself, get into the present. You're forfeiting your present by being stuck in the past with shame and regret. Instead, live in this moment and be determined in this matzav, what's next? Am I a tzadik right now or a rasha or a beinoni, halevai beinoni? What am I next? What's next? What am I next? What's next? That's all he cares about is the present. It's enormously pressuring because the present never stops. It keeps coming. It keeps coming. It's exhausting. That level of mindfulness and consciousness to be in every present, every moment, that's exhausting. Keeps coming. Keeps coming. It's exhausting. But it's also empowering because it means, oh, I blew it, the last moment I messed up, it's a new moment. It's a new moment. It's a new present. Now, the last moment matters if I bring it with me into this moment. But if in this moment I prove myself to be a new person, that's all he cares about. Chevre, isn't that amazingly empowering? So when we finish here, in a moment we're gonna do our question and answer, only for the live audience, turn off the stream and recording, hope you've got some good juicy controversial questions. But we'll do our question in a moment. When it's over, when you leave here, what's your next moment demand of you? Who are you in the next moment? Tzadik, a beinoni, or a rasha? Righteous, in between, or a wicked? What's our next moment? We get to write our story. We're writing the next page, we're authoring the next chapter. Our book is not yet done. Our next moment has yet to be lived. Our next gift, that next moment of that next present, is ours to mold and shape and decide who we're going to be, and that's what we're going to be judged for. So make the most of it. Live it fully. Do it with intention and consciousness and mindfulness and decide, what's my mission? No one else can do my mission. No one you're sitting next to on either side, no one who's listening at home, no one who's not here who never heard of the emunah shiur, nobody else on this planet called Earth, nobody who's lived before or will come after, no one else can do your mission in this moment. You and only you. Now what's it gonna be? What is your next minute? Everything with that intention. From our eating to our watching recreation to where we go and who we call and what we do, what is the next moment demand of me? Am I fully present in it? Please God we should live up to it fully. Amen. Our next shiur is not until next year. Next week we're not meeting because you'll all be busy. Wednesday morning is Rosh Hashanah. So we're not meeting but please God we'll pick up after that. We'll finish up this and figure out the next text we're going to learn. Keep the emails coming, they mean the most. The recording and stream are going off but stay put for questions and answers.
