Transcript
Okay, good morning, Boker Tov, welcome back to Living with Emuna. Just a housekeeping note that we are going to be off for the next two weeks and then we'll resume three weeks from today. We're going to post in the WhatsApp group what the schedule is for the summer, so you can plan accordingly. There's plenty to listen to, amazing speakers across the world, so you won't miss us too much. It's good to miss a little bit, but you won't miss us too much. But we are off for the next two weeks and then we'll be back. Emuna series is generously sponsored by Dr. Zvi and Bella Morgan in memory of Rabbi Dr. Brian Gaby, in memory of Bella's mother, Dr. Ellen Shanzer, and they continue to sponsor in the merit Mirtzeh Hashem the hostages should all come home, our soldiers should all be safe, and we should be victorious over our enemies. This morning's shiur is sponsored for the Refuah Shleimah of יעקב בן חנה מינדל who shows as an example how to embrace our place even if it's a hospital bed, should have a complete Refuah Shleimah, by Mary Steiner and David Kischenevsky in honor of the yahrtzeits of their parents Ella and Solomon Kischenevsky and in appreciation for all they did for their children, and by Leslie Abbott, Elisa Groutstein, and Faye Walkowitz in memory of our beloved friend Joe Blumenthal, may his neshama have an aliyah. Thank you for that generous sponsorship and I'll start there with my own Emuna email. I don't have to write it, I can just say it because it happened to me. But last week we did lose, our community suffered a tremendous loss, Joe Blumenthal, our dear friend, way too early, way too young, a very, very special person, a dear friend of mine, somebody with the biggest heart, somebody who was a beloved friend, somebody who was loved by all. And with the July 4th weekend and the cemetery closed Friday and Sunday, there was an urgency to get up there and to have the levaya and the burial on Thursday, and I was zoche to go with the family and I do consider it a zchus, I had the merit to be with the family and the opportunity to officiate. And it's one of the privileges and responsibilities of the rabbinate, but you become good friends and you have the privilege of being able to give a eulogy, a hesped, and to be able to bury. So I won't take you through the whole story. Nebach, my wife had to suffer through it, but we took an early flight up last Thursday morning and I was uncharacteristically running a drop late. It was very early and I pulled into the first valet at Fort Lauderdale airport because I was supposed to come home that night, so I figured holiday weekend, don't fight for parking, just valet and therefore when I land that night the car will be waiting, it'll all be good, right? I get to the first valet and there are like a million cars and I try to pull over and park and the guy comes running over, he says, we're closed, we can't take any more cars, there's no one to park all of these. I said, I've got to go do a funeral for a dear friend, they're counting on me, you have to take my car. And he said, we can't, we're closed, go to the next valet, you'll be fine. Okay, I thought if I go to the next valet, then I'm going to have to like pull an O.J. running through the airport to get to my terminal, but okay, I'm up to it, I'm up for it, so I'm good, I'm going to try it. Anyway, I go to the next valet and there are cars backed up all the way. I didn't realize how far backed up they were and I was trying to cut in, not realizing I was cutting off someone who lowered his window and threatened my life in like three separate languages, which was fine, I didn't realize, I apologized, I told him I didn't understand what the line was, and I pulled out. And if you know Fort Lauderdale airport, you have to sort of go through cones to get to the valet and then there's cones sectioning off that from the regular road. So now I was outside those cones on the regular road in a state of panic, not sure what to do because if I had to go try to find parking it was never going to happen and I was going to miss the flight and the funeral and the family was counting on me and I wanted to go there and be there and send off my good friend. And I didn't know what to do and I just looked at the decal in my windshield, embrace your place, you are where you're meant to be, had a little conversation with Hashem, didn't know what that meant, I am where I'm supposed to be. And then I don't know what got into me, but I just got out of my car and gathered my things and handed my key with a large bill that was in my wallet to a valet guy and I said, I'm leaving my car. Here's the key, this money is for you, you can give me a ticket or not, but either way I'm going because I have to make this flight. And he looked up at me, had no idea what to say or do, so the next thing I know he handed me a ticket and the next day my car was there. Now that was the adventure that began it and my decal which got me through it, because I'm not only the presenter of Living with Emuna, I'm also a member and I try to learn from it and live with it. And then the weather was insane last week for those who tried to make their way back, right? Leslie knows this well. What time did you come in? And all the flights that night were delayed and canceled and delayed and canceled and my brilliant, sagacious wife said to me, her having been through this many times, when my 8:00 flight back was moved to 9:00 and then to 10:00 and it was well on its way, she said, why don't you switch to the first flight out tomorrow morning? Whatever the problems are tonight, I don't know if they'll ever take off, they end up getting so late that the pilots time out, they cancel the flight once you've waited there anyway, just the first flight's always on time, so switch to the first flight. And she was 100% right and it was good advice and that's what I did. And I took an Uber from LaGuardia back to my in-laws in the Five Towns so I could sleep there that night, got up early the next morning. When I got up early the next morning for my 6:00 something flight, my flight from the night before had not yet landed. So it was good that I switched from it, right? But I woke up to find out that my flight was now taking off at eleven-thirty AM and was getting pushed and pushed and now I was worried, would I make it home for Shabbos? And I want to tell you, and that's why I'm telling you this story. I just kept looking at the back of my phone, 'Embrace your place, you are where you're meant to be', and I kept saying to myself, this is—I'm trying to demonstrate for you as somebody who felt my blood pressure rise and my panic and my pulse and my fear I'm not going to make the flight, I won't make it home for Shabbos, what's going to be? That when you lean into emunah and you say Hashem, you've got a plan, and whatever's going to be, and then you also, like stoicism, picture the worst case scenario and say can I live with it? And I said, well what happens if it keeps getting delayed, gets cancelled altogether, gets so late I can't get on it because I won't make it back for Shabbos? I could stay at my in-laws, I could stay at my daughter in Passaic, we'll figure it out, the shul will survive, we'll more than survive, no one's ever complained when there wasn't a drasha, they'll make it. So when you can picture the worst case scenario and you can live with it, then you can find the strength to get through anything. And when you realize it's not up to—this is Hashem's adventure, I'm on an adventure. I can't wait to see how it ends. This is so exciting, let's see what's going to be, I'm going to get a story for the emunah shiur, and I'm going to take an Uber driver who's going to talk on the phone and give me a drasha if I do make it back, for those who were here last Shabbos, and life is all one big full adventure. And I'm sharing my own personal story because it's an example and a demonstration of in the circumstances and the curveballs that life throws our way, which in the scheme of things were nothing and no big deal. A delayed flight, even if I would have missed that flight and the funeral, it would have been devastating, but could have survived. Worst case scenario, it would have worked out. So if you can pause, we often don't realize that in between the experience and our reaction to it, there's a pause, there's a moment. We think that our emotion is automatic. It's automatic. I'm anxious, I'm worried, I'm angry, I'm nervous, I'm jealous, I—we think it's automatic. How I feel is automatic. But when we realize there's a pause, there's a pregnant pause between what's happening and how we react. And that's what I felt in that moment, when I was driving from the first valet to the second, I was just looking at that decal in my windshield. Okay, Hashem, I feel panic but I'm going to control it and regulate it, in that pause I'm going to control myself by remembering you're in charge, you're in control and this is what's going to happen is—is your call and it's going to be what's meant to be. So by definition it's all going to be good. And then at the second valet when it wasn't working out, and then when the flight was delayed and ultimately and so on. And so we all have, don't ever forfeit the pause. Don't ever neglect or gloss over or fly right through that pause. There's a pause between the—what—the stimulant, what happens, and the reaction. And what happens by the way can be nature, weather and delays. What happens can be the valets are not accepting cars. What happens can be your spouse or children or your colleague or someone says something or does something that makes you want to feel a certain way. But between what people say or do, or what the world or nature says or does and the way you react, in between there is a pause, and it's in that pause that we decide how we're going to react and how we're going to feel. I've said it many times, others have quoted it, it's not my own, I just mentioned at the Tanya shiur this morning, but it's the difference between the thermometer and the thermostat. The thermometer reports the temperature. Thermometer tells you this is the temperature, it's reporting data and information. And the thermostat controls the temperature. So you can decide, are you a thermometer or a thermostat? Are you a thermometer that just reports to other people your temperature? I'm angry, I'm anxious, I'm impatient, I'm worried or I'm happy, I'm happy, things are good, things are—are you just a thermometer that reports how you feel or are you a thermostat that regulates and changes the temperature of how you feel? When I gave it to the men at the Tanya shiur I said you're a thermostat and then your wife comes and changes the temperature. But at least you—at least you set the temperature. A little riskier to make that joke in here, but so we all decide and we all determine, are you the thermometer or are you the thermostat? In between the catalyst and the stimulant there is a—and the reaction, there is that pause. And we can decide, am I leaning into emunah, am I surrendering to Hashem, am I recognizing no matter how hard I try or what I do, I'm going according to his plan? This is going to work out the way he wants it to work out. And I want to tell you a piece of Torah on this week's parsha that connects to what I'm telling you. And I almost had to embrace it in that moment. But the pasuk tells us in Parshas Balak and whether whenever Spotify decided whoever's listening that you should listen to this, this Torah is relevant whether it's Parshas Balak or not. But Perek Chaf-Beis, Pasuk Chaf-Beis says ויחר אף אלקים כי הולך הוא ויתיצב מלאך ה' בדרך לשטן לו. Bilam negotiates with God, he really wants to go and even though Hashem said no, he insists. He really wants to go and he mutters and bothers Hashem until Hashem finally either says yes or Bilam simply interprets and hears a yes. Artscroll here translates it as to impede him, to block him, to block his way. But what does the word lesatan, what does it really mean? What's the root of the word satan? The satan, the Satan. In other words, how did Bilam experience this? I really want to go. Balak, the king of Moav, has recruited me, has hired me, is willing to pay me to be able to go and curse the Jewish people, and I desperately really want to go. I want to go. And now there's this thing blocking me, there's this thing impeding me, there's this thing in my way. And how does Bilam experience and describe what's blocking him and impeding him? Lesatan lo. He says, "The satan's in my way." This valet guy is the satan. JetBlue is the satan. The thunder and lightning, the storm system on the East Coast is the satan. The traffic that's in front of me and I just want to get where I'm going is the satan. The server who didn't bring me my dish on time or forgot that I said I hate cilantro, leave it out, is the satan. My spouse who keeps changing the thermostat or says things or does things different than I want him or her to, they're the satan. How do we interpret the people and things that block and impede us? The people and things, what do you mean, I want that shidduch? What do you mean they didn't give a yes? What do you mean a shadchan didn't get back to you? What do you mean? But I desperately am longing and waiting and wanting that child. What do you mean? What do you mean on the pregnancy test again there's only one line? What do you mean? People at different levels, different level of consequence, different issues, we experience these things as lesatan lo. The satan is blocking me, the satan is impeding me. This person or this act of nature or this event or this experience is the Satan. The Satan is blocking me, impeding me, stopping me, lesatan lo from what I want, from what I want. That's how Bilam experiences this. It's the satan. Zogt Rashi, what does Rashi say lesatan? Rashi writes: מלאך של רחמים היה. What Bilam experienced as the satan, as the Satan, was an angel of compassion and kindness. What? Bilam just wants to go where he's going, and now this angel's blocking the path. His donkey stops, he ends up hitting the donkey, the donkey has the whole conversation, we all know how this goes. But this thing that's blocking him that he experiences as satan, Rashi says it's not lesatan lo, it's not a satan. What is it? Malach shel rachamim. Malach shel rachamim. And so often in our lives, our path is obstructed and a door closes and an opportunity slips away, and we get frustrated, angry, resentful, bitter, stuck, unable to move on. A proposed shidduch doesn't work out. A company decides to hire someone else or give someone else the promotion. The house went to a higher bidder and the house we were set on and so excited about, we lost it. And we walk, we walk along the path of life and we think it's suddenly blocked and we can't go where we want to go and the satan, the Satan is blocking us. And at first it feels like it's the satan. It's sabotaging our efforts and it's ruining our lives. But we need to know and we need to believe that when we run into a wall and we've done all we can to get over it or run around it or run through it, and we can't, when we've hit that wall, we didn't get that job, we didn't get that promotion, the shidduch was a no, whatever wall we run into that feels like it's the satan, we need to know and believe it's a Malach shel rachamim. It is an angel of kindness and compassion sent by Hashem to close that door and open another. To reroute us and redirect us, to take us a different path and a different way because Hashem is the ultimate GPS. He is the ultimate GPS who guides us to our destination. And sometimes, as in Bilam's case, we start heading in the wrong direction and Hashem reroutes us by blocking our path. And whenever we experience disappointment, whenever an opportunity looked perfect fails to materialize, we have to muster the faith to believe and to know and to surrender: Hashem, thank you for that Malach shel rachamim. Can you imagine getting on that level? You can, you know why? Because I get emails every day from people who do. Hashem, thank you I didn't get that job. Hashem, thank you that thing didn't work out. I really wanted it, I thought it was the best for me, but thank you because You know better and if it's a competition between Your infinite view and my finite one, let's go with Yours. And I'm going to work on myself to not feel and therefore grow bitter and resentful or angry, disappointed that it was the satan, but instead to recognize that it's a Malach shel rachamim. That a door closes, it's compassion and kindness from Hashem. And in fact, you see this also in the parsha, because... When Bilaam's donkey talks back to him and now he says to the donkey I'm so sorry I'm so sorry. ויאמר בלעם אל מלאך השם he says to the Malach who was blocking his way חטאתי כי לא ידעתי. I said I made a mistake because I didn't know because you're standing in front of me on the road. Here I am smacking my donkey but all along it was you. I'm banging the steering wheel and yelling hey road clear up, hey light turn green, hey traffic open up and imagine you can't imagine because today with AI like your steering wheel's going to talk back to you and say hey buddy take it easy what did I do to you right you're going to smack the steering wheel smack the dashboard and now with AI it's going to talk back to you and say hey what what did I do to you. I don't control the traffic or the light. Could you could you ease up a little bit on smacking me around. So donkey says what what are you doing I'm not blocking you ease up on smacking me around and Bilaam then apologizes to the angel and says חטאתי כי לא ידעתי. I'm so sorry I didn't see you there I didn't know. So the commentators the Meforshim ask which is it Chatasi or Lo yadati. If Lo yadati if you couldn't see this angel was invisible and you didn't know it was blocking your donkey then why are you apologizing then why are you saying I sinned I made a mistake it's on me. And if you're saying I sinned I made a mistake it's on me Chatasi then how can you claim Lo yadati. Which is it seems to be a Stira minei uvei it's a contradiction is it Chatasi or Lo yadati. I'm sorry I was wrong or I didn't know there's no way I could have known which is it. And I saw I forget I apologize I don't remember they deserve for me to quote it in their name but years ago I saw a beautiful interpretation Chatasi you know why I'm sorry and where I came up wrong Ki lo yadati. I didn't see the signal I didn't pick up on the message I didn't read the room I didn't understand what the world and what Hashem was telling me by my path being blocked and when my path was blocked I tried to smack the people around me and blame them instead of recognizing this door has closed and I should embrace my place. What Bilaam was saying was Chatasi you know where my mistake was Ki lo yadati because I didn't know I'm supposed to embrace my place and I am where I'm meant to be. That's the Chatasi חטאתי חטאתי כי לא ידעתי I made a mistake that I didn't know that this is where I meant to be that was my mistake. Chatasi my mistake is Lo yadati I didn't embrace my place I didn't have the decal on my donkey's ear that says embrace your place you are where you're meant to be. That's the Cheit that's Chatasi. So Chevre as we go through life and we are Ba'derech yes Ben we are Ba'derech when we're on the road and there's things that block us it's a delayed flight a canceled flight it's the valet guy not cooperative it's a red light it's the traffic it's the people who we wanted to leave by this time and we even made up a time knowing they'd be late and we intended a later time and they're late even than our made up time and our later time and they're making us late and now we're all angry and we're going to ruin this vacation the family trip we're about to go off on all because the people didn't act on my schedule take a deep breath and embrace that pause and remember that you're a thermostat not a thermometer and understand that whatever's blocking your path is a Malach shel Rachamim. It's a Malach shel Rachamim. The Shidduch was a no don't get stuck and don't be bitter and don't waste time and important emotional energy about the no instead realize that was a Malach shel Rachamim you have no idea what you were just saved from and if you don't get that promotion and you didn't get that job and you didn't get that business deal and your your customer or client didn't act in good faith and follow through don't see them as the Satan as the Satan understand they're a Malach shel Rachamim they are somehow an agent ambassador of Hashem of kindness who stopped you from getting into some mess who knows the lawsuit you would have had who knows how much time or aggravation it would have caused who know where it would have led to. The very things that feel like a Satan can or often are a Malach shel Rachamim that's the lesson of this Parsha among so many others but that Bilaam who was so insistent and he wanted to break through and he just wanted to get where he was going that he thought would bring him fame and fortune we spoke yesterday about Bilaam is the first grifter. You know what a grifter is Candace and Tucker and countless others of these media personalities are grifters a grifter is someone who doesn't have principles or values they go wherever the fame and fortune are whatever will bring the most viewers the most followers whatever will bring them the most money that's where they go Bilaam Gemara Chazal says Bilaam is Beli Am. Bilaam has no nation no people Bilaam is a prophet for hire whoever will pay them the most money he'll curse whoever you want him to curse just like Candace whoever pays the most just like Tucker whoever Qatar. Whoever will pay or wire the most money, they have no loyalty, fidelity, they'll curse whoever you want them to curse, because Bilaam is Beli Am. He's the original grifter and he has many spiritual descendants that we're suffering from today. Bilaam is the first grifter. And because he just wants to get to that place of fame and fortune, he sees whatever is in his way as the Satan. And Rashi says no, no, no, it's a Malach Shel Rachamim. It's a Malach Shel Rachamim. We say: who has a Siddur? Anyone have a Siddur? What do we say in Ashrei? Thank you. Tell you one last part of this idea. And then we'll start learning. We've been learning all along. We say in Ashrei, we say in Ashrei, רצון יראיו יעשה ואת שועתם ישמע ויושיעם. The will of those who fear him he will do. Ratzon Yere'av Ya'aseh. He'll do our will. So be careful where your Ratzon is. Oh, right on top there. Oh, there you go. That's a coincidence, not. Ratzon Yere'av Ya'aseh, yeah. There you go, there's an Emu... you see a hug and a wink from Hashem? We just got that, we just had a group, appropriately, but a group hug from Hashem. On the top of the page that we're learning are these words Ratzon Yere'av Ya'aseh, so the Pasuk I'm looking for is right in front of us on top of the page that we're learning. So we say Ratzon Yere'av Ya'aseh, the will of Hashem he does. So be careful where your Ratzon is. Remember last week I went into my polemic about Sholosh Seudos, רעוא דרעוין רצון שברצונות. Be careful where your Ratzon is. Be careful why, because Ratzon Yere'av Ya'aseh. Hashem, you do the Ratzon. So be careful what you wish for. Be careful. But you don't have to worry, and you don't have to be too careful, you know why? את שועתם ישמע ויושיעם. He hears our cry and he saves us. What is he saving us from? You know what he saves us from sometimes? Ratzon Yere'av. He saves us from what we want. Here we come to Daven and we say Hashem, Hashem let this Shidduch go through, let this job work out, let me close with this client, let me buy this house, let this thing happen exactly the way I want. That's my Ratzon, Hashem, so if it's my Ratzon I want it to be yours too. That's my will and my want. Hashem, make it happen. That's my Emunah Bitachon. I go to the Shiur, I sign up for all the WhatsApp groups, I get all the emails, I bought volume eight of Living Emunah, I'm in, I'm all in on Emunah Bitachon, so now Hashem do what I want, right? No. Be careful what you want and what you wish for. That's what the... that's what the Pasuk ends. Et Shav'atam Yishma, he hears us, Veyoshi'em, because he hears us, sometimes he has to save us from ourselves. Veyoshi'em is not save us from Iran and Hamas and Hezbollah. Veyoshi'em is, who does he have to save us from? Sometimes he has to save us from ourselves, ourselves. We're insistent: Hashem, let me run through that wall. Hashem, give me that Shidduch, give me that job, give me that house, give me that... And sometimes Yishma, because he's listening to us, because he cares what we think and want, because Ratzon Yere'av, because he's listening to our Ratzon, Veyoshi'em, he has to save us sometimes from ourselves. And that's what Bilaam didn't realize. That angel is blocking your path, חטאתי כי לא ידעתי. I didn't realize. You know, if it didn't work out, if I didn't have that large bill, I'm embarrassed to tell you how large, in my wallet that I handed the guy and make that brazen move that I have no idea where I learned that from, if I didn't do that, if I didn't do that, it was a Malach Shel Rachamim. It means I wasn't meant to go and officiate and fly and be there. We have to know: don't be too disappointed. Don't beat yourself up. Don't be too upset. There was a beautiful Ufruf this past Shabbos and the brother of the Choson didn't make it here. His flight wasn't delayed, it was canceled. He didn't make it. It's a Malach... I don't know how, I don't know if he knows how or why or when or if in his life he'll ever figure out. But that's the effort, that's our mission of Emunah. The Emunah and Bitachon means, means living a life where you don't see the things that block you as the Satan, you see them as a Malach Shel Rachamim. When you see a door close, you don't say how could you, you say thank you. I don't know what was behind that door. I may find out, I may never find out, but what I know is Yishma, you heard me, Veyoshi'em, and you saved me from myself. So even though from our finite perspective we can only do the best that we can do. So you'll say by the way, if I were listening to me right now I'd say, I'd ask, then why try? Why bother? Why take any initiative? Why do anything? Because we may be mistaken. Why engage the Shidduch process? Because we may say yes to the wrong person. Why go for a job, why apply for the, for the promotion? Maybe it's not right for the... The answer is we have to take our initiative. From our finite perspective, we interpret, we... We interpret, we analyze, we consult, we do the best we can, and we live life the best that we can. But when we get to the wall, when we hit that wall, that's when we're meant to interpret not that it's the Satan, but it's the Malach haRachamim and taka if lo yadati, if in those moments we fail. I almost failed. I almost failed. Trust me, I was anxious, I was nervous, I almost failed. I almost failed, I give the Emunah shiur, I almost failed several times over those couple days. I almost failed, I came very close. But lo yadati is chatasi. To not know that I am where I am meant to be and to know to embrace my place and to recognize that if a door closed it's a Malach haRachamim, that's chatasi. חטאתי כי לא ידעתי. Let's read a couple emails and then we'll get back to finishing this perek in our wonderful sefer Emunah uBitachon. I told you I would and I did last week post the link. Artscroll just put it out in English. We've been learning it since it came out in Hebrew, but you can now get it in English as well. But let's read a couple emails. Rabbi Goldberg hope you're doing well, Klal Yisrael is safe and well too. I want to share the following Emunah story which happened today. I was driving to a place an hour away. As I was driving I saw a very bad car crash on the side of the road. There was someone on the side street walking and talking through hand gestures like I could tell one of the cars was his. Normally I just keep driving but something made me think, not knowing if someone had called already, I called and informed 911 of the accident. Then I continued on with my day. Side note: something I try to do whenever I see an accident on the side of the road or a car pulled over with their flashes on is say thank you Hashem for having me be safe. I say this because of a shiur I heard from Rabbi Wallerstein many years ago, zecher l'vracha, about how when we say over Yom Kippur מעבירין את רוע הגזירה, one thinks it means to erase the evil decree. But he went on to explain how it really means to change the decree from bad to good. It could be you were meant to be in the bad situation but it was changed to be that instead you would be, but instead just passing through. How you're going to be and the role you will play in that situation is determined on Rosh Hashana, Yom Kippur and depending on your situation at that time. So meaning, when you God forbid see something happening to another, of course daven for that person, call 911, do what you can to help the person, but also stop and say wow, I'm so grateful that I'm safe and well and use the contrast to remind you how blessed you are to say thank you. Person continues. That afternoon I was driving back from this place and a car hit me from the side as well as another car. It was a minor accident but I was a bit stunned to say the least. Shout out to my sister who I called who baruch Hashem mamash picked up as soon as I called, told her what happened, asked her what to do, she was an incredible aid staying calm, cool, collected, objective for me when I couldn't think straight. Person who caused the accident didn't speak English and I later learned had no car insurance, no license and in fact wasn't even his car but his friend's. I'll say to his credit he didn't drive off when the accident occurred as he could have. My sister went on about navigating the whole thing, giving me suggestions what to do, how to handle this, even went so far as to ask me in the middle of her shift as a PA in the ER, does anyone here speak Spanish? Which in retrospect makes me laugh. I'm so grateful though it was because of it I was able to figure out a payment plan for the person, the damages. As I got into my car and kept driving I thought back to that morning. Hashem decided I would be in an accident that day, and baruch Hashem he had me be in the minor accident where no one was injured. All car still completely drivable without anything but superficial parts of the car injured and gave me an incredibly kind and awesome sister who helped me throughout. I later thought back to the Emunah story I heard several months ago about a guy who hurt himself on a track while running, meaning a story we read in our shiur. You remember it? But had it been on a road, a major street or something like that. Hashem decides all and I'm grateful for how it was able to be handled calmly and clearly. Thank you for the platform for me to write and send this Emunah shiurim. So again you could be bitter and miserable, I can't believe I was in an accident, or you could have passed a worse accident that morning and say thank you Hashem that it was only a minor accident and I'm so grateful for you from above. Dear Rabbi Goldberg, as a continuation of the previous email, baruch Hashem me and my husband are expecting. Thank God I feel so grateful especially after the miscarriage. I really feel like Hashem answered all of my tefillos. But I can't help but also feel anxious and I'll tell you why. My first pregnancy with my daughter was a roller coaster. At our anatomy scan we received the news that my daughter had a very poor prognosis. They gave us all the worst outcomes. I started going to the high-risk doctor twice a week. They prepared me to deliver as early as 26 weeks. Hashem proved them all wrong and I ended up making it to 37 weeks. My daughter was only 3 pounds. The doctor told her she was the smallest 37-weeker he'd ever seen. Baruch Hashem she was a total complete miracle and I thank Hashem every day. She is now a thriving healthy toddler living her best life and we're so incredibly grateful. My anatomy scan for this pregnancy is coming up this week and although I keep telling myself everything will be okay and my daughter's living proof that doctors can be wrong, I need to have Emunah in Hashem, I can't help but feel scared and anxious. I try ignoring my feelings of fear and distracting myself, telling myself again and again that I need Emunah and it's wrong to feel anxious. But then I realized something very important and I changed my thinking. Your shiurim have helped me internalize that having Emunah does not mean you should ignore your feelings of fear. For me right now, Emunah means that I am anxious, but I know that Hashem is holding my hands through it all and that I'm not alone. And that in itself provides me with so much comfort. My feeling of anxiety have not gone away and not ignoring them. Having emuna means that I am where I'm meant to be, so I embrace my anxious thoughts but also thinking positively at the same time and yes you can do both. Thank you for the chizuk, looking forward to sharing good news im yirtzeh Hashem. So again I like this also because this is a theme that we keep coming back to. Emuna and bitachon don't take away our humanity. They don't ask you to be a robot, they don't demand of you to deny or to suppress your feelings. Emuna and bitachon mean you are human and we have human feelings and emotions and reactions. What emuna and bitachon do is they empower us to be the thermostat, not the thermometer. That's what emuna and bitachon do. I'll continue that analogy. You know, in a shul or public place often the thermostat is under lock and key. Who has access? We should give it to the highest bidder in shul. For the largest donation you get to control the temperature in the Ran sanctuary. We'll add it to the shul dinner auction list, controlling the thermostat. But it's a, you know, it's a privilege. Who gets access to the thermostat? Today it's not under a literal lock and key, today who has the app with the password to virtually control the temperature. Emuna and bitachon give us the key to our thermometer, to our thermostat. Rather than just be a thermometer who reports this is how I feel, I can't change it, I can't control it, I'm anxious, I'm scared, I'm worried, I'm unhappy, I'm miserable, rather than be a thermometer who simply reports how we feel, what gives us access to control the thermostat? Emuna bitachon. But it begins by realizing I'm cold, or you know it's very hot in here. The thermostat begins with recognizing I'm not comfortable with the temperature, I want to change the thermostat. It's okay to be anxious. There are if you're not anxious, check if you're alive. There are situations in life that you need to be anxious. We spoke about this last week or two weeks ago. The most dangerous thing are the children who are fearless. Right, we spoke about the Torans, the tourist morons who hang on the edge of the cliff. If you're fearless, you're in danger of losing your life. If you're fearless, if you go up and try to take a picture, a selfie with a bear in Montana, you're a moron. You're a moron. You're a tourist moron, a Toran. And there's no shortage of them. Fear is very healthy. Emuna bitachon don't mean don't have fear, they mean regulate it, control it, be in charge of it. Emuna bitachon give us the key and the password to be able to figure it out and to be able to navigate it. So I love that email. You're going for a scan and previously you had challenges, you wouldn't be alive if you weren't a little bit anxious, a little nervous, a little excited to find out and to see what Hashem has in store on that scan. That's healthy. That's called being alive. Now what do you do with it? Do you say Tehillim, do you lean into it with emuna bitachon, do you recognize and embrace your place that Hashem is with you in that scan? That's what emuna bitachon give us and enable us to do. Dear Rabbi Goldberg, our family enjoys listening to Living with Emuna on Erev Shabbos while we are preparing. The kids enjoy the stories, you never know what message they might absorb. I have a dear friend who sends me a video every week of his wife making and mixing her potato kugel while the emuna shiur is playing and he says they're baking the emuna shiur into the potato kugel. Baruch Hashem Iran has passed and we are in a ceasefire. Since October 7th until now every time a siren went off myself, husband and seven kids never found ourselves without a building close by or in our home, that was until Tuesday night when we got a call. My 15-year-old daughter was out shopping with her 11-year-old sister when someone told her they got an update on their phone. My daughter who is normally cautious said she'll go on the bus home since she knows it's a ceasefire and our neighborhood does not always get the siren after the update. Sure enough this was with the Houthis. Do you remember the next day after the ceasefire with Iran there was then a siren because those Houthis, yemach shemam, shot a ballistic missile. So this 15-year-old and 11-year-old got on the bus, they thought they had enough time to get home. Sure enough three minutes later while they were on the bus the siren went off. They exited the bus, they got on the side of the road where there was no shelter until the bus driver decided they could continue. When she got home she ran and said all I kept thinking was I am where I'm meant to be and that kept me calm. Please email Rabbi Goldberg and tell him. That's what the 15-year-old said. Lying on the ground on the side of a bus hoping that a ballistic missile shot from Yemen wouldn't hit her, she embraced her place and said I am where I'm meant to be. Wow. Thank you for inspiring my whole family to embrace their place. These are the stories, these are the hotspots, this is the high-speed Wi-Fi, this is what we connect to, this is what elevates us, our heroes. What they all lived with, 10 million. There was a family visiting last Shabbos from Israel and the father told me that when they got to the house that they were staying in, the first thing his little child said was where's the mamad? Where's the mamad? And then, while the rest of us might have heard fireworks being shot Friday night or Motzei Shabbos, that family was up all night and traumatized by the sound of fireworks celebrating July 4th, but if you're visiting from Israel, that has a whole other meaning. But nebach, there are millions of children in Israel who wherever they go in the world, the first thought they'll have is where's the mamad? That's not right, that's not fair, that's not just, that's not the way it should be, that's what we have to fight, that's what we daven for. But when a 15-year-old says, lying on the side of the road next to the bus, I wasn't afraid of the Houthis, I embraced my place, please email Rabbi Goldberg, that's amazing, that's amazing. Dear Rabbi Goldberg, I have so many emails and I'm so grateful for them, I can't get to them all, so we'll just read a couple more and then we'll finish up this perek. I as well as my 19-year-old daughter have written before about your Where You're Meant To Be moments. I did want to respond to the latest episode. I've been listening for several years and in response to a person in the Zion home, and the shiur is giving me great chizuk and perspective. I try to internalize the message you teach from various sefarim, which I appreciate the diversity, and I enjoy the letters you read. The last letter from Israel, I'm assuming it was a mom who has a son in the IDF with PTSD and did not want to run to the shelter as well as sharing with us her spiritual struggle, brought tears to my eyes, which honestly is not a difficult thing for me as I am emotional, Hungarian parents, survivors. But I cried even more so. Her honesty was raw and real and as you said, the listening to experience is the Living With Emuna shiur. You remember last week's email? I want to tell you about Mi Keamcha Yisrael. Do you know how many emails I got asking do you have the name of that soldier with PTSD so I can daven for him? And I emailed that mother who was so blown away. She gave me the name, I'm not going to say it publicly, but I am sending it to whoever asked because she, I don't want that son to figure out that we're all talking about him, but we wish him well and how many are there like him who some are suffering now, some it may come later, hopefully never, but who've been through things they should never be through or ever see. Back to this email. If possible, can you relate to her, and that's why I'm reading this email because I want her to hear. Can you please relate to her that we here in the diaspora are very much connected to the pain and worry and fear they are experiencing in Israel, obviously albeit on a lesser level. First time I was able to speak to my cousin in Israel in the midst of the 12-day war, I cried when I heard her voice, finally so relieved to hear it, and she laughed, reassuring me that they are fine. I have not sent her iced coffees or whatnots as I don't know how to do that. I send my love through WhatsApp messages and daven constantly. I also write, it's my therapy, and I know that others appreciate it because they too are thinking the same thing and I share these thoughts with my Israeli people. During the school year in my preschool classroom of five-year-old leibedik boys, we sing and daven and the chatufim are very real to them. When we say Matir Asurim and daven for those who are stuck to get unstuck, the parents very much appreciate the chinuch. The emuna peshuta, the simple faith of these kids is astounding. And it was during the last week of school in the 12-day war when they were singing Acheinu that it really hit home, the fear that you are living with as I looked at my students and envisioned their peers on the other side of the ocean running to a shelter, not having a normal childhood, a significant portion of their childhood. I and my assistant could not sing with the children as we were crying. So yes, Imo Anochi Betzara from afar. Please know you're very much in our hearts and thoughts and prayers and tears. Thank you for the podcast and holy work. Continue hatzlacha, we should hear yeshuos bekarev. I have a big pile. I'll just tell you one more. This one is in Hebrew. Someone sent me and I love it. There's a show in Israel apparently, a cooking show called Taamim Shel Shabbos, the tastes of Shabbos. And the chef who runs the show, the tastes of Shabbos, Taamim Shel Shabbos, says he's not religious, but on a recent episode he got emotional and choked up when he mentioned that he puts on tefillin every day and he finishes each show by thanking Hashem, by saying that when he drives home after the show he feels a very strong kesher with Hashem, even though he keeps saying but I'm not religious. I'm not religious, I'm not dati, but I'm not religious, I'm not dati, but I put on tefillin and every time I leave the show I go home and feel a close kesher to Hashem and the show is called Taamim Shel Shabbos, a cooking show called the tastes of Shabbos, but I want you to know I'm not religious. So that kind of not religious we could use more of. The not religious, I feel a close kesher with Hashem, put tefillin on every day and have a cooking show called the tastes of Shabbos, that kind of not religious we could live with. Such not religious we could use a little bit, a little bit more of. Okay, this is hard for me, but we're going to stop here and we'll save, no, one more. One more because it too is the Emuna shiur and this will take us into our learning. One more. I thought about writing to you many times, in fact almost every week while driving and listening to the Emuna shiur the thought crosses my mind, but I usually hesitate, think about it again and then regretfully let it go. So here I am sitting in my ambulance during a shift with MDA, with Magen David Adom in Northern Israel, finally writing to you with an emuna dilemma that only a rav can truly help with. We know that Am Yisrael has been through so much these past few years. I've a daughter in Israel we have a daughter in Israel this summer on a beautiful program Michlala and she just we woke up this morning to a text from her that today they took the program to line the streets of a family on one of on their way to bury their loved one one of the soldiers who was killed a couple days ago it had such an impact on her I won't violate her privacy she sent us a beautiful text about a personal decision that she made because she was so moved in the memory of this soldier who won't be able to live in this world at such a young age how old is she 15 so a 15-year-old going to a soldier of a going to a funeral of a young soldier and imagine this the letter the writer of this email I'm only 23 and have attended more funerals of people my age than anyone should I have close friends in the front line all over the country and some who will now live on only in our hearts and yet despite all this my Emuna with Hashem has never been stronger it's not perfect but it's definitely something people notice my friends colleagues and even strangers they feel it and they all have questions so many questions Rabbi the hard ones the kinds that make you pause the kind that challenge our understanding of Hashem's love justice and mercy growing up in a Kiruv focused home I learned early on how delicate one must be when a Yid begins to search for more a thoughtful answer can draw a Neshama closer a careless one can chas v'shalom push it further away I'll give you an example that highlights my dilemma one of my closest friends who grew up in a completely secular home started coming over to our house on Friday nights after the meal for some L'chaims just to hang out over time he started to ask questions deep real questions and we did the best we could but he usually laughed and left unsatisfied with our answers a few weeks ago he was sent into Gaza and one day he called me I picked up quickly worried at first but there he was on some rooftop explosions behind him just wanting to talk on FaceTime I can't quite describe how insane modern war is but yes one of my friends was video calling me from an active war zone just to talk and catch up we joked around nervously for a bit and then he told me that he and the guys on his team had been having long meaningful conversations every night about life faith and Hashem that's what IDF soldiers do in Gaza I don't know and I'm not judging what other soldiers of other countries do where they are deployed at night in their few minutes but that's what our holy soldiers do they have long meaningful conversations about life faith and Hashem wow and then came the hard questions if he's so merciful how could he let this happen to us if I'm supposed to believe in God why does he cause so much suffering why do good people die while the evil live why do children get sick I paused for a moment carefully thinking about how to answer but all that came to my mind was I don't know I'm not a rabbi how am I going to answer why is he asking me I then realized the responsibility and the opportunity Hashem had given me to not only spread the light of Yiddishkeit and be Mekarev but also give him Chizuk in the situation he was in I did my best to answer but not definitively but from the knowledge I have and from the Bitachon in my heart my question to you Rabbi is how should I have answered what should I say when these questions come up who should I refer them to is there a correct way to answer thank you and Good Shabbos wow wow there's a lot of parts to that email how he's been to more funerals than anyone his age should and yet his Emuna in Hashem has never been stronger and strangers can see it on his face that's an unbelievable part that's you should frame that and put that on your wall that part of the that part of the email that soldiers in Gaza are sitting up having long conversations at night about life faith and Hashem frame that put that up on your wall these questions they're tough these are tough so let's get back into it a little bit and maybe over the next few Shiurim again we're taking a two-week break but when we come back maybe we'll try to get into them a little bit more let's just finish this paragraph and know that we finished this Perek and pick up with a new Limud when we resume we're on page Mem Aleph the left-hand column ממשיך לבאר כיצד ינהג בממונו כפי רצון השם so if money is the biggest money can be the biggest Satan right where did Bilaam go wrong because he saw that which was impeding him or blocking him that's the Satan so money the drive the temptation the quest the longing the corruption the pursuit the misuse the abuse money could be a big Satan in our life so how should one act with Mamon with money Kefi Ratzon Hashem always ask yourself what does Hashem want me to do in this moment how does he want me to spend it where does he want me to give it how does he want me to report it on my taxes what does he want me to do תהא בצדקה כפי יכלתך וחטאיך בצדקה פרוק Pasuk in Daniel give as much Tzedaka as you can. Your first reaction should not be to lock down. You know, we're all born in the world, we come, we're born with a closed fist, and when a person is buried, their hand is open. But don't wait to die for your hand to open up. There's no greater or pleasure in the world than giving while you're alive, כי לא במותו יקח הכל. Paradoxically, the only thing you could take with you to the next world is what you gave away in this one. What you tried to hold onto you can't take with you, but what you gave away you do. Baboker u-ve'erev רצה לומר רמז שיתן צדקה לכל הן פשוטי עם הן לצנועים והוא צאן קדושים. U-ve-yayin ve-sheichar, so a continuation of this pasuk, רמז לתלמידי חכמים הרוצה לנסך יין על גבי מזבח ימלא גרונם של תלמידי חכמים יין. Give poor people who need help, invest in spreading the light of Torah. Without explicit criticism of the organizations and the alphabet soup who were supposed to be fighting antisemitism all last several years, but literally tens if not hundreds of millions of dollars went into them with the result and the return being more antisemitism than ever. Imagine if instead those hundreds of millions of dollars went into Jewish education. Imagine if they went into outreach. Imagine if they went into connecting with our millions of brothers of Jewish brothers and sisters to expose them to the light and the beauty of Torah. Imagine. Imagine instead. The answer to antisemitism is not the alphabet soup of organizations. It's Jewish practice and Jewish pride and Jewish learning and Jewish observance. That's what it is. So invest. What what should we be doing with our money? Helping people who need poor people. What should we be doing with our money? Investing in the spreading of Torah. ובכל אשר תשאלך נפשך רצה לומר דכן בכל דבר תראה שלא יהיה שום תאוה חיצונית רק מה שישאלך נפשך עד כאן לשון קדוש ודברי פסמים אין להחזיר. עולה לנו דרך התורה הקדושה. So what comes out, what comes out says Rav David Abuhatzeira is that the path, the instruction of our sacred Torah, סור מרע ועשה טוב, by avoiding the negative, the wrong, and pursuing the correct, the right, שעל ידי זה יבוא למעלות הצדיקים, that through that if we could live a life of mindfulness, if we could be a thermostat not a thermometer, if we could be present and aware and conscious and conscientious, כמו שהמשיך הנועם אלימלך שכאשר יתנהג בממונו בקדושה יבוא לנאמן לנאמר אחר כך ואכלת לפני ה' על ידי זה תזכה לעשות מצות ה' ככל הצדיקים. If we bring the right attitude, the right mindfulness, the right perspective with money, that Hashem, You close some doors, You open others. I have what I meant to have. You provide. No one can take from me. This is what we've been learning about. I don't have to worry about competitors, cause nobody can take what I meant to have. I should be generous and kind to competitors. I should offer to help competitors, cause there's no such thing as a competitor. Nobody could take what I meant to have. And therefore yes, sometimes you have to invoice and bill, sometimes you have to send someone to collections, sometimes even it's okay to take someone to a Din Torah because they owe you money. But all the while recognize that whatever the outcome of it will be is what you're meant to have. It comes from above, it comes from Hashem. So therefore you don't sweat it out. You're not anxious or nervous or angry, you're not shvitzing it out because it's all what's meant to be. Already on Rosh Hashanah Yom Kippur it was decided and determined what's in each of our personal trust fund, and now we go in order to access and transfer it from the great trustee, namely Hashem Yitbarach. That's the attitude, the mindfulness, the mentality that we have to bring to our money and to our life. Hakadosh Baruch Hu, ratzon yerei'av ya'aseh ve-et shavatam yishma hear our tefillah, ve-yoshi'eim save us from ourselves. From my limited finite perspective, this is what I'm asking for. But if it's not right, definitely don't give it to me. If it's not good, definitely don't make it happen. yishma hear me out, but ve-yoshi'eim save me from myself. And our job, our work, is to realize that what appears and feels sometimes like the Satan is a malach shel rachamim, is in fact the angel of kindness and the angel of compassion. We're off for two weeks, but continue to live with emunah and im yirtzeh Hashem we will resume. We're going to stop the recording and the stream here, but we continue. If you're listening or watching and you're local, you got to come in person because the best conversations happen after we turn it off with our question and answer.
