Transcript
Okay, good morning, boker tov, and a happy Isru Chag to all. Welcome back to Living with Emuna. Please help yourself to coffee, slushies, pastries at our Reb Shaya'la corner. Our Emuna series is generously sponsored by Dr. Zavi and Bella Morgan in memory of Rabbi Dr. Brian Galbut, in memory of Bella's mother Dr. Ellen Shanzer, and in honor of a shemira for all of our precious IDF soldiers and the hostages coming home. A huge thank you to the Morgans as always for their generosity. We're going to begin as we always do with some emails and a letter and then dive back into the text that we have been learning together. Dear Rabbi Goldberg, I really enjoy listening to the shiurim. Going through a pregnancy after a loss is a high anxiety experience and have been trying to embrace my place by becoming an Emuna shiur listener starting right after the loss. Even though extremely grateful to Hashem, the nerves are still going strong. I went to a doctor's appointment today and the nerves were high even though I kept saying Hashem is in charge, I should embrace my place. My nerves and anxiety were still going pretty strong. At the appointment, the doctor told me that everything's okay and told me I should embrace it. My husband and I gave each other a knowing look and felt a hug from Hashem telling us to continue the journey of embracing our place. He's here continuing to be the third and most crucial partner in this journey and we wish them bracha v'hatzlacha, they should celebrate im yirtzeh Hashem a big simcha. But I love that image that when the doctor says all's good, just embrace it, that what kicks in is the embrace your place. I hope everybody has the sticker, the back of the phone, the decal on the car, on the luggage, wherever you are, whatever you're going through to remember to embrace your place. It's all a plan, it's all from Hashem. We are all always where we are meant to be. Dear Rabbi Goldberg, last year I made aliyah during my shana ba'aretz from such and such place. I'm currently a lone soldier in the IDF. In an effort to keep up my Torah learning in the army, baruch Hashem have some downtime in my office job, I decided to start listening to podcasts whenever I have a spare moment. By far my favorite podcast, Living with Emuna. You say that to all the podcasters. Thank you so much for the weekly episodes which really inspire me. One thing I've taken from the podcast and applied to my life is the notion of I am where I'm meant to be. It's not always easy, but whenever something inconvenient or difficult happens, a common occurrence in the army, I try my best to remember Hashem's greater plan. However, I never had a concrete moment of realization that I am where I'm meant to be until a few weeks ago. Working in a combat support role in the army, I don't often need to stay on base for Shabbos, but it fell out that my turn to stay in for guard duty fell on the weekend of Lag Ba'omer, which of course is a fun day to celebrate off base. First I was annoyed since I had no friends staying on base with me, but I told myself I am where I'm meant to be. Shabbos passed. On the following Tuesday, my commander told me I was allowed to go home and come back the following morning since I had stayed in on Shabbos. I rushed out of base and the moment I sat down on the bus, I got an alert from my commander, there was a suspicion of an infiltration to the base and the whole base had gone on lockdown. Baruch Hashem everything was fine and no one was hurt in the incident, but the entire base remained in lockdown for three hours. I immediately realized that Hashem certainly orchestrated where I was in that moment. Since I had stayed on base for Shabbos, I was able to leave the base at the moment to spare and be absent during the lockdown, which was a frightening experience for everyone. I feel blessed that I was able to see such a clear indication of I am where I'm meant to be. Thank you for the incredible shiur. If by any chance make small embrace your place cards, I know that I and lots of others listening in Tzahal would love to put one in our army IDs. So we are sending all in the army, anyone who wants in the army for free as many as you want. Who are bigger heroes, who are in more miserable places and are forced to embrace it than our precious and heroic soldiers? We lost more who are next to the Kisei Hakavod over Yom Tov. Tragically we daven for their neshama, their neshamas don't need tefilla. Normally daven that neshama should be elevated, neshama should have an aliyah. But soldiers who gave their lives al kiddush Hashem, their souls can't go any higher than where they are. They're right next to the Kisei Hakavod. So our tefilla is not for their neshama which can't go higher, our tefilla is for their families that they should find comfort and strength in that loss. And all those who have soldiers, last night we had a beautiful ne'ilas hachag at the end of Shavuos to honor those who have children and grandchildren serving in the IDF, many of whom have not slept in a year and a half. And not only those children, particularly lone soldiers who didn't have to go but who are volunteering courageously, heroically, but those who taught them, their parents and grandparents that they got those values and ideals. Certainly we're davening. If we could do anything, it's next to nothing, but sending a sticker to put in your army ID, we have to put in your tank windshield, be pretty cool in an Air Force windshield a decal, but whatever you want that we can provide is the least that we can do. Dear Rabbi Goldberg, first I want to thank you for all the amazing shiurim you give. Thank you so much for the compliments, yada yada yada. I love listening to shiur while driving, especially while cooking and cleaning on Friday as it really enhances my Shabbos. I'm a nursing student in Israel and baruch Hashem I have so many Emuna stories to share. I picked two that really stood out to me. I've been meaning to write this email for some time and finally. I've been meaning to write this email for some time and finally got to it. This past Pesach they did a raffle in my ward to see who would work Seder evening, 3 p.m. to 12 p.m. shift, and my name was picked. That's the unlucky lottery winner. I was very upset since there was an Arab with the same job as me and could have switched, but he said he was busy and wouldn't be able to help me. I knew what I was getting into when I picked the medical field, but I work in a religious hospital and students don't usually have to work Seder night. I cried and davened and asked Hashem to help me. I davened I have Seder in the place that would help me grow most and be closest to Hashem, but I really wanted to be with my family. I started learning Shaar Bitachon every night to help me strengthen my bitachon and of course listened to the Living with Emunah at every chance I had. In the two shiurim the week before Pesach you put extra emphasis on I am where I'm meant to be. I really hoped somebody something would change, but it didn't. I decided if this is where I'm meant to be, I'll make the most of it. I thought I'll have to make a Seder all alone. But Hashem sent me a frum family with six kids right to my ward. They came to be with their grandmother, and so they made a Seder and welcomed me to join. Hashem took care of all the details so that I would have an uplifting Seder. I had some interesting stories, like a non-religious girl who only wanted me to sing Chad Gadya, non-Jewish nurses asking me to tell them the story of how we were slaves in Egypt, some sad moments too, a Jewish woman passed away and they needed two Jews to wrap her, Baruch Hashem I was there to help. I finished my Seder by benching and doing the third cup. And Baruch Hashem I got home earlier than expected. When I walked in the door, you won't believe what my family was up to. The third cup, the exact place I had left off in the hospital. That was definitely a hug from Hashem. I got to be home for all the singing, the fun part with my family. I knew at that moment Hashem had placed me where I was meant to be, even though I didn't get my way and no one agreed to take my shift, Hashem showed me he was taking care of me and it was all part of the plan. Second story happened a few weeks ago, I was driving home from a night shift. I usually listen to music while driving, but it was Sefira, so I decided to put on your Emunah shiur. As I was making a right turn to leave the hospital, a bus came speeding down the road, Baruch Hashem I stopped at the last minute and we both only got a small scratch. But it was my parents' brand new car. I called my mother and told her I got into an accident. She said, Baruch Hashem you're okay, that's what's important. Go mom! Don't worry about the car, it's just a car. It'd be great if the next email was, I got a call from my daughter and in that moment I really wanted to yell and scream, but I embraced my place and I said are you okay? Anyway, I continued listening to the Emunah shiur number 344 and what was it about? Someone who had to stop on the side of the road with their car and they were told they were lucky they didn't get into a major accident. I realized how lucky I was that Hashem made me stop the car when I did, second later I would have been in the spot where the bus hit my car. Nothing's a coincidence, thanks for inspiring us, Ramat Beit Shemesh Israel. We'd love to get some stickers for her car as a reminder and so on and so forth. Okay. Rabbi Goldberg, hope family doing well, I'm writing Erev Yom Tov from Boca. I came to Florida with friends for Shavuos and to be honest I was really afraid to get on a plane. With all the news lately and after a recent negative flight experience I was feeling pretty anxious. Still, I didn't want to miss out on what I knew would be a fun and meaningful experience, so I channeled the inner emunah voice I've been working to strengthen through the series. I told myself that whatever happens it'll be what Hashem wants with his help we'll get there safely. Even so I was nervous all the way up until I got into my seat. I said Tefillas Haderech, a few perakim of Tehillim, and some quiet tfillos begging Hashem for a safe flight. I set up a queue of some of my favorite songs in Spotify and just as we're about to take off there I was clutching the armrest and davening. Then your voice popped into my head. Hashem is the one flying the plane. So I let go of the armrest and I let God. Right then a song I had queued up started playing, Achshav by Eli Dachs, I've linked it here. The lyrics are: שכחתי שהכל יהיה בסדר שכחתי שהיית עמדי חשבתי שהכל היה בידי. In that moment I was reminded I'm not in control, I forgot everything will be okay, I forgot that Hashem was with me all along. Chashavti, I mistakenly thought somehow it was all in my hands, even though I can't even fly a plane. I want to share this emunah moment, this beautiful song with the Living with Emunah community, it's a powerful reminder Hashem is always with us and I'll keep listening to it reminding myself in every area of my life, definitely on the flight home, that he's the one flying the plane physically and spiritually, looking forward to hearing your Divrei Torah this Yom Tov, wishing you and your family only the best. I hope she wasn't disappointed by Yom Tov in Boca. Disappointed by the weather, but I don't control it. I try, but there's some things out of my control and we're all disappointed by the weather, but it is what it's meant to be and stuck in the rain is where apparently we're meant to be. So I hope she had a wonderful time in our community, I'm so glad that she came. Okay, one or two quick more and then we'll get back into our text and learning together. This is a tough one. This one's a tough one. I got a few tough ones. The next two are tough ones and the truth is maybe I should be saving them because there's a lot of encouragement for a special series or even just a couple episodes on Living with Emunah in Shidduchim or for single people which we're not God forbid singling out, but often can feel most alone and difficult to find Hashem. This was a tough email. Hope this note finds you well. I know this might not be... the best first impression to make on a rabbi, but I listen to your shiur every Shabbos. I've been wanting to reach out for a while to thank you for living with emunah. Your words have been a lifeline, one of the few things that give me hope for the future even during dark times. The truth is as an older single I often feel so unbearably lonely most Shabbatot that I started breaking Shabbos on Friday nights to have something to fill the silence when I don't get an invite and to drown out the sounds of the neighbors in my building making Kiddush, chatting, benching, singing zmiros. I know it's not an excuse but somehow a shiur feels a little less terrible than watching a movie on Netflix. I just want to pause because first of all I appreciate this person being honest and real and raw and letting us in a little glimpse of how lonely and how painful it feels and if nothing else this first paragraph should be a reminder to us that no one should ever ever ever ever be alone. If they choose to want to eat alone it should be of their choice but not because they didn't get an invite. This person writes that they break Shabbos Friday night to have something to fill the silence when she doesn't get an invite. That should never ever ever be the case. There are people in all of our communities subcommunities our lives our neighbors our friends and it's not because anyone's malicious or bad or self-centered it's because we're busy with our own lives and we do invite but they should never be out of sight out of mind we should make sure everyone has an invite if they want to not take it that's their choice but to hear that pain that the loneliness is so acute that to fill the sound of that loneliness and to overcome listening to others singing zmiros and benching and laughing. And no loneliness is a sentiment shared by many thirties singles but in my case I converted a decade ago right out of college and I don't have the benefit of any kind of family to reliably have a place to eat or spend Chagim not to mention the connections and social circles to help find my match. I try to hold on to emunah but it's hard when it can feel like I'm invisible. Like I managed to make it past three security guards at the gate all those years ago but I'm still waiting outside a house I'm not sure I'll ever be fully invited into. I've worked hard to build a meaningful life as a single. I grew up largely independent of my parents and had to find my own way from a young age. Some of my earliest memories are talking to Hashem because there was no one else who cared to listen. A conversation that eventually led me to Judaism. Despite not having the opportunity to finish high school I kept studying while working night shifts earned a scholarship that allowed me to complete my degree established a successful career then gave it all up again to subsequently complete the conversion committing myself fully to a life of Torah and mitzvos. Baruch Hashem I've built a new fulfilling career and I know Hashem has given me so much and so so many things I've davened for have come to pass but the one thing I've never been blessed with is the experience of being someone's number one person. Of being loved chosen cherished prioritized not by parents or family a spouse or anyone. That ache sits quietly behind everything I've achieved. I've learned how to survive on my own but I still pray every day to no longer have to do it all alone forever. Your shiur reminds me that Hashem hasn't forgotten me in this area of life even though it very often feels this way. Still waiting in purgatory on the driveway is exactly where I'm supposed to be. You give me strength to believe that my story isn't over and that one day I'll finally be blessed with a family to call my own. FYI I got this last night living in Yerushalayim so not sending this on the Chag which I appreciate. I don't even know what to say other than it should remind and inspire and motivate all of us to make sure nobody's all alone and we daven from the bottom of our hearts and the depths of our beings that she find her bashert and feel the love but what a powerful image that the one she feels that she's the number one to and loved by still is at least Hashem. So some people it's one thing to embrace your place when you're at a red light embrace your place when something doesn't happen on your timetable to embrace a place when a person is in a feeling of horrific loneliness is an altogether different place. I'll end with one more which also I could save for a special living with emunah for shidduchim singles but I think there's a point this will lead us into our learning together. I'd like to thank the Rav beyond words for the incredible podcast. Thank you for the compliments yadda yadda yadda. I listen to them multiple daily since I discovered them on Spotify. Okay here's my question. I was dating someone. Everything was literally perfect in terms of hashkafa alignment ticking boxes but lack of connection. I said no after a bunch of dates because of a lack of connection. So here's my question. I doubted it so much after. How do I know I made the right choice? What's meant to be will be but I made the decision. I know I spoke to people at the time and I came to a place of clarity. But I lost that clarity soon after saying no. But because it's about connection and chemistry it's hard to validate it after. Especially because it was so much good there and was exactly what I was looking for. It's subjective, so now I can convince myself that I made the right or wrong decision. It's confusing and a hard place to be in. Maybe there was too much pressure on me when deciding, maybe it was too rushed. How do I know that I did my bit? Meaning, it was so good, how do I know I should have said no? Maybe I should have left it longer. The time I think I made the right decision for that moment, but it's hard. Came to a place of clarity, surely clarity was from Hashem or not. But now I don't have that. I feel like maybe this could have been the one. And maybe it was more the shidduch system limiting progression of the relationship in taking it to the next place. Maybe I needed more time, maybe our relationship could have developed. I'm channeling it to Hashem and davening for clarity. I don't know if I did my bit right. I know I meant to be going on this journey and it definitely pushed my connection with Hashem through speaking to him literally so much all day. That I can see clearly. I know this is meant to be happening and that this journey is good for me. But I don't know if the outcome is right. If my decision to say no, how do I know? I want to let go and let God, but I'm scared that I messed up, that it's my issue. That said, I said no to something too good. How can I know this is meant to be if maybe I made a stupid decision? I'd appreciate any clarity. Many thanks. So that is a another tough one. How do we determine when the things were in our hands if we did the right thing or the wrong thing? When do we say let go and let God, we're in the right place, embrace your place, you are where you're meant to be, it's all up to Hashem and when do we say what do you mean embrace my place? He didn't put me there, I put myself there. So why am I letting go and letting God instead of feeling own guilt or shame or doubt or uncertainty if I'm the one who made the decision? So here's essentially what I wrote back and a continuing and ongoing conversation with this author. Here's what I wrote back. We spent a number of series, we learned it in this sefer in our Emuna uBitachon of Rav David Abuhatzeira, when Chazal our rabbis say that charata is rishus. רשעים יש להם חרטה. That's the expression. Wicked people have regret and doubt. And we unpacked that particularly through the prism and the eyes of Ishbitz, who take it to the extreme even in the own aveiros that we've done, that we should never have doubt and we should never be filled with regret. There is a healthy regret, the regret that's part of growth, that says I have remorse for what I did not because I'm stuck in the past, not because I'm looking there, but because in the present, in the present I want to learn from what I did so that I can craft and mold a better future. So a regret that helps inspire and motivate me in the present in order to have a better future, that's a positive and a healthy regret. But a regret that makes me perseverate, a regret that makes me paralyzed, a regret that makes me stuck, a regret that makes me look backwards and sit in the past, turns me into the wife of Lot. Lot's wife, Lot and his family when they're rescued and saved from Sdom are told one thing: don't turn around, don't turn back, don't look back. Just look forward. And if you turn around you turn into a pillar of salt. Why salt? What does salt do? Salt preserves. Salt makes something stuck. If you turn around you'll be stuck, you'll be unable to live in the present, you'll be unable to move into the future. Lot and his wife and she indeed did turned around. And whether literally or metaphorically turned into a pillar of salt and when we look to the past and get stuck there, if only I could have, I should have, what if, if we live a life and we get stuck in a place of what if, we turn our lives into a pillar of salt. And there's no place for that in our life. רשעים יש להם חרטה. To perseverate and be paralyzed, to be stuck and suspended, we're forfeiting our present and we're abandoning our future to be stuck in a past. So here's what I wrote back. If you're rethinking the decision, not because you're turning around and getting stuck in the past, but because in the present you're reconsidering, you want to reach out to the shadchan, you want to reach out, you want to say let's give it another shot, let's give it another try, maybe I made a mistake, maybe there's more here, then that's a healthy conversation. Go back to the people who helped give you clarity, talk to the people in your life with whom you help think things through, and if your reconsidering the past is informing a different decision in the present and for your future, wonderful, that's healthy, that's great. But if you're not in the present or future reconsidering, if all you're doing is getting stuck in the past, then stop it, you're turning into a pillar of salt. It's unhealthy, it's damaging, it's self-sabotaging. All it does is bring guilt and shame and doubt and all it will do is make you less attractive and appealing in the present. Nobody will want to be on a date with somebody who's not in the moment but who's stuck in the past still wondering, still filled with regret, still filled with doubt. If you want to be your best self in the present to create your best future, then stop. stop getting stuck in the past. רשעים יש להם חרטה. It is a thought of wickedness that creeps into our mind that gives us and makes us feel regret and stuck in a past. What we did we did. I told you I use this almost every day. I finish a shiur or a drasha, I should have said this, I should have ended it that way. Oh, I should have gone here, oh, I should have done that in the article. Just recently I wrote an article that I regret, I could have, I could have, my Dave Portnoy article I put out a couple weeks ago. I shouldn't have written it as a criticism of him and a compliment of Michael Rapaport. I should have made it an invitation to Portnoy that said that the answer to antisemitism, which he suffered again by the way over Yom Tov in one of his reviews and somebody walking by yelled bleep the Jews, and the people who were cheering on his pizza review laughed at that person. He turned around and said what are you laughing at? He's learning what it means to be a high-profile Jew. He's learning. And Michael Rapaport also put out a strong thing over Yom Tov again, but everyone has a lot to learn still. We're here. Anyway, but my article shouldn't have been a criticism, it should have been an invitation that the answer to antisemitism is not go to Auschwitz and study the Holocaust, it's to educate ourselves and it shouldn't have been a criticism, I should have supported a high-profile Jew speaking out for the Jewish people and an invitation, not with me necessarily, but with anyone all around, spend a Shabbos meal, learn, lean in, put on tefillin, grow. I regret it. I regret it. Maybe I should rewrite it and put it out again, but that's silly. But my point is I try to stop myself from thinking because רשעים יש להם חרטה. For whatever reason you did, learn from it, do better next time, but don't get stuck in the past. We have to learn and we have to move forward for the future and we have to take it forward. And therefore, if thinking about the past informs the present for a different choice for the future, then the past has a wonderful role. But if thinking about the past is with regret or remorse, shame and guilt and beating ourselves up, then you turn yourself into a pillar of salt and that is a huge mistake. Did I tell you the shidduch that Yocheved made? One of her successful stories? Where two people who went out that she set up, that she decided were perfect for each other, and then they didn't continue. And Yocheved was determined that they were right for each other and they were wrong to not continue. So she called one and said the other wants to go out with you, give it another try. She called the other and said the other wants to go out with you and give you another try. Now they're happily married with many children and doing beautiful things. So sometimes it's worth another try, whether you realize it or the shadchan decides it and does what's necessary like Aharon HaKohen to make it happen. But sometimes things are worth another try. Okay, back to Emuna u'Bitachon on page lamed chet, the right-hand column. There are sheets up here if you'd like to follow inside, feel free to mark them up and keep them if you like. We've been learning about the balance between bechira, between bechira and emuna. The balance between free will and initiative and faith. And this delicate balance where some people cop out by having too much faith and too little free will, meaning they don't take initiative, they sit at home on their couch in their recliner and they wait for God to be a solution to everything. But that's not genuine emuna, it's not authentic emuna, that's a cop-out, counterfeit emuna, because emuna Hashem wants to hold our hand, Hashem invites us to be His partner, Hashem says where's your initiative? Where's your effort? What are you doing to partner with me? We spoke about getting up to open the door for Eliyahu HaNavi, he can't come down the chimney. He doesn't walk through windows, he can. But Hashem says the end of the Seder, you want geula, you want Mashiach, get up and open the door. Yes, Eliyahu HaNavi, if he can visit every Jewish house simultaneously, he can also come down a chimney. But we have to get up to open a door, why? Because the idea is you gotta get up, get busy, you gotta do something. You can't sit back, don't be a passive spectator, like Hashem told Klal Yisrael at Yam Suf, mah tizak elai, דבר אל בני ישראל ויסעו. Get up and start doing something. You can't sit back. On the other hand, excessive initiative, doing too much, also is counterfeit emuna. Stop doing too much. If Hashem wants to provide a solution, He can make you a millionaire working 10 hours a day, 12 hours a day. You don't have to work 16, 18 hours a day. Hashem can bring healing and a solution, you've taken enough initiative, you've done what you need to do. Hashem could help you meet the person you're going to spend the rest of your life with, you've reached out to enough shadchanim, you've done enough networking. Now sit back and let Him do His job. And I think that's actually the expression we last left off last week was, we spoke about Rav Druck had this insight why Moshe had to go to every tent by Parshas Bamidbar, the census of the Jewish people. If a bas kol, a heavenly voice, went out outside every tent to declare how many Leviim the age of one month and older, why did Moshe have to go make a circuit around the entire camp if anyway a heavenly voice was going to proclaim the number in each house? Why couldn't Moshe sit back, get an email from Hashem? said because Hashem said you do yours and I'll do mine. But if you don't do yours I won't do mine. And that is what motto we should hear in our head over and over and over again. We want Hashem to do his. We want him to help us meet our bashert. We want him to help us have a child. We want him to help us earn our parnassa. We want him to help us recover from illness. We want him to end a war and a dark period of our galus of our exile. We have to do ours and he'll do his. But there's a line. There's the line, says Rav Druck. If you creep over that line, if you try to do his job, he says, what are you doing? What are you doing? I got this. I told you I got this. What are you doing? You focus on you, I'll focus on me. Says Hashem, don't expect me to do your job, you have to take initiative you do your job. And don't try to do my job, I've got my job, you're going to mess things up if you try to do my job. You're not going to do it as well as I can. Where is that line? That's the magic question. Where's the line between our job and his job? Where should we not cop out and wait for him to do our job but we've got to do our job? And where's the boundary and the border, stop trying to do his job, you've done your job, now let it go and let God. Where exactly is that border and boundary? That's the challenge. That's the hard part of life and the answer is different for each one of us and each circumstance. והאנשים הלהוטים אחרי רדיפת הממון וביטול תורה ותפילה בגללה and those who are consumed by the pursuit of material physical they want more and more and more money and things and because of that they abandon Torah learning, Tefilla, they come late, they leave early, they're distracted, they're thinking my to-do list, my tasks, my emails because I need to kill it in business, I need to make it rain, I need more money, I need more things. נקראים בפשיטות כופרים בהשגחתו יתברך. Such a person is a heretic in the divine providence. If a person believes that on Rosh Hashana Hashem decided and determined what we're going to get and now my job is to simply wake up every day and do my job, stop being anxious, I don't mean clinical anxiety, that's no one's fault of course we're not talking negatively about that, I'm just talking about the general overall anxiety. Stop being anxious about your parnassa. Stop being anxious about producing, making it rain, do your job, take your initiative and get out of Hashem's way. And when you stay in his way and you stop having a relationship with him in the effort that you're getting in his way it's at the expense of the relationship with him. Why? You're not learning, you're not davening. No, no, I have no time for the Emuna shiur. I have to work on Wednesday mornings, I can't carve out even forty-five minutes, an hour for myself. I have no time for a chavrusah, I have no time for davening with a minyan, I have no time for, all I could say is Birkas Hashachar at home and then I have a million things to do and I have no time. When living life and taking initiative means I have no time for my relationship with him then how do you expect him to produce for you? שהוא הזן ומפרנס הכל. Every time we eat food, every time we eat bread and we bench, what do we say in our benching? We describe Hashem Hazan u'mefarnes lakol. God provides, he gives, he feeds all. והכל תלוי ברצונו להרבות ולהמעיט כל אשר יחפוץ יעשה. And whatever we'll get, whatever we'll have, it is all his decision. He is the arbiter of our destiny, he determines our future. די אם יהיה איש המאמין בהשגחה שהכל תלוי בידו. And if you really believe that and you know that and you live that then you're going to abandon the conversation with the person who will determine your salary in an effort to circumvent him to earn a greater salary? It makes no sense. Who decides how many zeros are in your paycheck? Not who physically humanly maybe with an auto-pen signs your paycheck. Who decides how many zeros? Who decides how many zeros in your paycheck? The Ribono Shel Olam. Every day you have an audience with him. Every day you could sit with your boss. There's no other job on the planet where if you mutcher your boss every day and ask for a raise he'll say I'm so happy you came, I'm so happy you asked, I'm so happy to spend time with you, I'm so happy you feel connected to me, I'm so happy you feel comfortable asking. Any other boss anywhere in the world if you come more than once a year, a quarter, that's too often. They're going to fire you, enough, I don't want to hear about it anymore, enough. Hashem says come, come more often. Come in the morning, the afternoon, and at night. Shacharis, Mincha, Ma'ariv, Bareich Aleinu, I want you to continue to come and I want you to talk to me about what you need and why you deserve more and why you think I should give you a raise and a bonus. I want you to come. I love and I cherish spending that time, I love and I want to hear from you. חז"ל אומרים הקדוש ברוך הוא מתאווה לתפילתן של צדיקים. tsadikim. One of the few descriptions of Hashem, not because it describes His essence, but because it's how He wants us to feel, is that He desires and He loves and He cherishes and He longs for our tefillah. He's waiting. He's waiting. Open the siddur or the Tehillim and talk and unload your heart on Him. So everyone's running to hire consultants, and everyone's running to hire experts, and everyone's running to get a business coach and a business mentor, and everyone is deciding to experiment with new marketing schemes and how to pick up more clients and how to rebrand the business and what to do and thinking this will be my answer. I need a new broker and a new financial advisor and this will be my answer. Hashem's like, Hi, I'm the boss, I determine the raise. So you stop the custodian to ask for a raise? You're stopping the mail delivery person to ask for a raise? Nothing wrong with them, they're lovely, worthy jobs. I'm not knocking them, God forbid. The guy who's picking up the garbage, you ask him on the way while he's picking up the post Yom Tov garbage, should be giving him the raise, but you ask him, hey, could you give me a raise? He looks at you like what? What do I have to do with your paycheck? Hashem is looking down saying, you're asking all the people in the world and you're working all the avenues in the world to get a raise and a bonus all while ignoring Me and not coming to Me, and I'm the one who decides and determines your bonus and your raise. You're ignoring, you're forfeiting, you're neglecting the only address that will produce the thing that you want and that's the one you're not turning to? And everyone else doesn't want to hear from you, and He's the only one who does. So the source of answering whatever we need and want is also the one who's מתאוה לתפלתן של צדיקים. He's sitting and He's waiting and He wants and He wants. Every parent would love to hear from their children for any reason, but has no problem if the reason the child is calling because they need something. I love it, you need something and you called me? I love it. I want to be the address, I want to be your solution, I want to help. Whatever you need, if it's putting more money on the debit card, fine. But if it's something you're thinking through, a problem you're trying to solve, a decision you have to make, and you come to me, I'm misaveh. That's my desire, my longing. There couldn't be anything greater than the child saying you're the source who can help me. You have the wisdom that can guide me. You could be the answer and solution to any problem you say. Wow, that's what parenting's all about, that's the greatest feeling in the world. And Hashem, Avinu Shebashamayim says, I want you every day. It's not only okay once a day. Not only is it okay once a day, it's okay not only three times a day, it's okay as often as you want to turn to Me and say Hashem, Tatte in Himmel, Avinu Shebashamayim, my Father in Heaven, I need you. I'm doing all the work. I'm doing what I need. I'm networking. I'm working hard. I'm putting in the time. I hired the right people. And now I'm asking You for the result. I know You decide and You determine. But what do we do, says Rav David Abuhatzeira? He's waiting, He wants, He makes the time, He gives us the access, and we say sorry, I have no time, I got to meet with the garbage man and the post office delivery person and I'm meeting with the custodian and I'm meeting with everyone else asking, and Hashem's like, yeah, lovely, that's good, good relationships, but they don't decide, I do. Where are you to talk to me? Hakol b'yado. Hakol talui b'yado. Lama m'vatlin tefillaso? Why are we abandoning, why are we distracting while we're davenning instead of pouring our heart out? He's listening, and He wants us to talk to him not as if He's our best friend, He is our best friend. Pour out our hearts, not only with the words in the siddur and in the Tehillim, but the words we write in between. I've said this a million times, I'll say it a million more. The siddur is not the highest level conversation we can have with Hashem. Anshei Knesset HaGedolah, our rabbis composed the siddur so even on days we don't feel like talking to him, we will anyway because we have to. But they're just a framework, they're a template, and we're supposed to personalize the template. You have to personalize it. I've given this example, you'll excuse me, I know it's chazarah. I don't care. It's an anniversary, a birthday, you can't just give a blank card and the person will say, there's nothing written, front, the back, you didn't underline any of the lines, what is this? You say, well what do you mean? I went out, I bought it. It's like a thousand dollars today for a Hallmark card, I don't understand the price inflation of pieces of paper. What, it take so much more genius than ever, people specializing in writing those messages, getting... oh, it's the ribbon, it's the plastic cover, it's out of control is what it is. Out of control and yet we still all have to do it. So you have to write something, you say, where's the personal message? I don't want to just hear from the author at Hallmark or Amazing, what's it called, American Greetings, Greeting Pen? That's my family, so I should know what it's called. What's it called? American Greetings. I don't only want to hear from the author there in their factory. You got to write a personal message. So the next birthday, anniversary, take out a napkin, you scribble a personal message and you say, "Happy Anniversary." So you didn't buy a card? Where's the card? The siddur is like lehavdil the American Greetings, the Hallmark. The siddur, you gotta have the text, but also underline some words. Hashem in Ashrei today, this is the line that jumps out to me. I've underlined Poseiach et yadecha. I underlined Karov Hashem. I underlined Gadol Hashem. I underlined which line in Shemoneh Esrei? This week it's this bracha: Shema Koleinu, Barech Aleinu, someone in my life, I, Refaeinu. Here I'm underlining the card and I'm also writing something in between the sentences: "Dear Hashem, lose yourself in conversation with him." Barech Aleinu, talk to him. Here's what's on tap today, here's what's on my schedule, here's what I need your help. And thank him afterwards. I had a beautiful Shema Koleinu last night with Hashem in Maariv of Motzaei Shavuos. I'm sharing something personal, I'm not flexing or Tifur—I still don't know the difference between the two. I'm sharing it by an example because I'm working on it. I'm telling you what I'm working on. Maariv Motzaei Shabbos, Motzaei Yom Tov is the hardest Maariv. Mishmata—your shmata. It's among my hardest days working, I won't tell you how many times I spoke yesterday or over those 48 hours, baruch Hashem, it's the greatest privilege in the world. I feel I couldn't be more grateful for it. But you feel like you hit by a truck and that Maariv, it's hard to concentrate. But I tried to put myself together when I got to Shema Koleinu, I said, "Hashem, we had the nicest Shavuos we've ever had." Forget the weather outside, but the weather inside: the learning, the shiurim, the participation, the attendance, the davening. It's the nicest Shavuos we've ever had as a community, I think. So that doesn't happen by accident. Everything went right. We didn't lose power, the air conditioning worked, the room setups worked, the food worked, nobody got sick, everyone who was supposed to speak spoke, they were on time, they didn't go too long, people came, they listened, they learned, they connected. We had a beautiful V'haarev na—350 children got together yesterday to make a siyum on Seder Moed. It was a room you thought Moshiach was going to come in. Was the most amazing things you've ever seen in your life. It was beautiful. So how do you... the week before Shavuos I had a pit in my stomach. How much has to be prepared, how much has to go right. Security through the night... I can't tell you how many things through the years: kids get into trouble Shavuos night, parents go to sleep, kids stay up all night, they can get into a lot of trouble and learn all kinds of things, be introduced to all kind... davened hard all week. Hashem, let the shiurim come together. Erev Sha... you can ask my family. Erev Yom Tov, Hashem, give me a Yizkor drasha, please. You need the Yizkor, you're only as good as your last drasha, your last Yizkor drasha. Hashem, davened. So how do you come out of a Shavuos where everything went right and not pause and say, "Thank you"? I have nothing more to ask right now, Your Honor. I just want to say, "Thank you." I'm sure tomorrow morning I'll have my new list of things I need. I'll have the new list of things I'm going to turn to you and ask you for help, but how often do we pause to say, "Thank you"? Before the flight, we daven super hard: let it be on time, let me have a good seat, let it be a smooth flight, let everything go right, let the Wi-Fi work, let it go smoothly, let it work right, let everything go well. And then by the time we land, we're so eager to get our suitcase out of the overhead and get off the plane and find the rideshare and get where we're going. Do you ever stop and say, "Wow, thank you"? Baruch Hashem, over the last couple of weeks, I've gone to several simchas, and over the next couple of weeks we're going to more simchas. I was blessed, and many are not these days, that everything went smoothly. Four flights over the last two weeks, there and back, left and landed on time or early, and everything went smoothly. Today's world, that's borderline miracle. That's up there with the splitting of the sea. Now, I did avoid Newark, so that's part of the explanation why. But it's miraculous, it's miraculous. So is your tfila as sincere and serious when you land and it went right as it was when you were desperate? When you were desperate. In shidduchim, people describe that loneliness, they never felt closer, they turn to, they beg, they cajole. They meet the right one. Is it equal the gratitude? I told the story of Rav Lichtenstein in the hospital ward who was saying Tehillim with the same fervor—his family found him when his son-in-law was healthy and well and everyone in after the surgery, "Where's Rav Aharon?"—and he was saying Tehillim with the same fervor following the surgery as he was during the surgery. And they said, "It's okay, it's over, like close the Tehillim and come in." And he said, "What do you mean? You gotta thank Hashem with the same enthusiasm and energy after as you did when you were desperate before." So what do we do? In the pursuit of parnassa, we say, "Hashem, give him the hand, like I'm busy. I gotta earn a parnassa. Who's got time for you?" Trying to run a... raise these children and I have tza'ar gidul banim. I got my problems with these kids, I don't have time for you. We give him the hand. I don't have time for you. I'm earning parnassah. I'm trying to raise these children. I'm trying to make shidduchim. I'm trying to have I'm trying I got things to do who has time for you? Instead take that hand down and realize he's the most important to make time for. Not for him. He's good to go, he's infinite, omnipotent, he doesn't need you. Who is it for? For you. If you want the solution, he is the source of every solution, of every solution. תמימי השם מאמינים בהשגחתו שהכל תלוי בידו. If we really believe in divine providence, if we really believe that he's in charge and he's in control, if we really believe that he can bring the outcome that we want, how could you possibly, possibly not turn to him? אלא ודאי כופרים ואינם מאמינים ומקרה קרה בחייו וזכרתי את ה' אלהיך כי הוא הנתן לך כח לעשות חיל. Hashem is the one who gives you the koach. This is what the Drashot HaRan writes. Drashot HaRan says, don't say כחי ועצם ידי עשה לי את החיל הזה. What's chayil? אשת חיל מי ימצא. What's chayil? It's strength and talent and skill and blessing. Don't say kochi ve'otzem yadi, my power, my ingenuity, my creativity, my initiative, my hard work gave me es hachayil hazeh, but rather הוא הנתן לך כח. It's true, you were smart, you invested in this instead of that. It's true, you were fantastic, you networked, you picked up all these clients. It's true, you took this shidduch instead of that one. It's true, but who gave you that wisdom? Who gave you those ideas? Who gave you that insight and that energy? הוא הנתן לך כח לעשות חיל. He gives you that skill set, that talent, and he can take it away. Say Tehillim for Billy Joel. I think he's a Yid. He had to cancel all of his concerts because of a brain illness, something discovered in his brain. You could have a record-sellout crowd at Madison Square Garden, you could be on top of your game, you could be everything, you wake up one morning, who gives you? You could get laryngitis, you could lose your ability to speak. Whatever skill set, whatever talent, whatever blessing that you have, it is on loan, it is never part of your permanent collection. It could disappear in a moment, in a moment. Whether you're an athlete, an artist, whether you're a public speaker, whether you're simply a parent, there's nothing simple about that, whether you're a parent, whatever area or arena of life, whatever talent or skill you have, you're a cook, you're a chef, you make Shabbos, all of a sudden every challah, every kugel could flop and you have no idea why. That ability to make everything that you touch come out delicious and be the best ever could disappear overnight. Any area of life, הבוטח בה' הנזהר במעשים הטובים אינו מבטל שום תפלה. So you have to keep davening to Hashem whatever skill or talent you have, let the next speech come out well, let the next competition come out well, let the next concert come out well, let the next kugel come out well, let the next argument in the courtroom, let the next argument or let the next skill in the operating room, let it all come out well. ואם יש להם קביעות לתורה אינו מבטל אותה ואין להם להחטא כשאר בני אדם רק משמים בטחונם בה'. We have to place our faith in Hashem and to put credit where credit is due and to know, and to know that it's not our effort that yields that result. It is the effort, but on the condition that Hashem allows and enables the outcome of that effort. והנה אנשי המהירות מעשי העורון על פניהם כי המה עברו ולא תעמדו כל עת סוף הממון להשאר בידו להוריש יגיעו עד כאן לשון קדשו. So this is the insight. Rav Dovid Abuhatzeira says, whatever we crave, whatever we long for, whatever we need, whatever we want, whatever we're working towards, work on it. We have to take initiative. Hashem said, "You do yours and I'll do mine." We have to do ours. Ours is hire a business coach, a business mentor, a consultant, rebrand and market, bring in new clients, do whatever area of life, take the initiative, we have to do. You can't sit back in a recliner and wait, no one's dropping off a brown paper bag or a suitcase of cash. It's not happening. We have to do our effort. But once we do our effort, also turn to him, rely on him, surrender to him and recognize he is the one that will bring the result. Don't give him that hand. Don't tell him no time. He is the thing that you have to most find the time for. That genuine, honest, earnest conversation, talk to him from the bottom of your heart. First times you do it you'll feel silly and stupid and then it'll be comfortable and casual and real. Talk to him. Hashem, here's what's going on, here's what I have on tap, here's my meeting for today, here's what I'm working on, please, please, please bring a result. You could ask my family how hard I davened on erev Yom Tov, the shiurim, the source sheets were ready and done, but the Yizkor drasha was nowhere to be found. Late afternoon erev Shavuos. And I kept I said, "Okay, I'm just davening." Hashem, find the right story, trip over... find the right opening, let it come together. You have to *daven* when something is not going right or well, stop what you're doing, don't force it, and stop and turn and surrender to the one who will bring about the result. Okay, I hit a wall, I need you. I need you, I always need you, I always need you, but when I hit a wall, I especially feel I need you. Help me run through or over or under or around this wall. I need you. I need you. Coming back from a doctor's appointment, getting a lab result, finding out that a treatment is not working the way it needs to, hitting a wall of life, desperate for those children and waiting. Why isn't it coming or happening? Why is the *shidduch* taking longer than I want? *Hashem*, I've taken my initiative and I've reached the boundary and border. I'm not going to take more because I won't take excessive initiative. I won't try to do your job for you. I've done what I need, what I can. And that's hard, by the way. That's hard because we so correlate the result with our effort that when the result doesn't come, we've been trained and conditioned to think I just need more effort. If I only call one more person, if I only work a few more hours, if I just take a little more initiative. But to realize, no, this is the boundary. This is the border. Where that is exactly, that's a tough question. But this is it. I've had enough meetings about *shidduchim*. I've called enough customers or networked or did enough work. And now, *Hashem*, I'm not going to do excessive initiative or effort on my part. This is where I let go and let God. I'm not doing your job for you. I'm leaning into you, I'm talking to you, I'm desperately appealing to you, I'm letting you in, I'm sharing with you from the bottom of my heart. *Hashem*, I'm talking to you. That's what's left of the initiative. We often don't see that as initiative, but that's initiative too. So think about it. How many people call and email a million clients to network for business, but the most important one to email and call, i.e., through *davening*, they neglect? Sorry, *Hashem*, no time. I've got to make more meetings, more coffees, I've got to attend more events, I've got to send more emails, I've got to do more marketing. *Hashem*'s like, hi, I'm the only one make a coffee with. I'm the most important for you to have lunch with. I'm the most important to network with because I'm going to determine the outcome and I'm desperately sitting here and waiting for you. We'll pick up with this theme. We're going to turn off the stream and the recording to continue with our live question and answer for those who come in person. For those who are watching or listening, we'll pick up *im yirtzeh Hashem* next.
