Transcript
Good morning, *Boker Tov*, welcome back to Living with *Emunah*. So good to see everyone today, thank you for being here. Reminder, *shiur* is now 9:00 AM, which you know because you're sitting here. *Tehillim* is before. Thank you those who came early to *daven*. We certainly *daven* our hostages come home, our soldiers are safe, and that everyone's *tefillos* are answered for the good. Help yourself to slushies and coffee and pastries in our lobby. I want to thank our *Emunah* series sponsors, Doctors Avi and Bella Morgan, in memory of Rabbi Dr. Brian Galbut, in memory of Bella's mother, Dr. Owen Chenzer, and a *shemira* for the Israeli soldiers and hostages. This morning's *shiur* is dedicated לעילוי נשמת רב נפתלי הערץ אנשל בן קלונימוס on his fifth *yahrtzeit* by his daughters. May his *neshama* have an *aliya*. And it's also sponsored anonymously, but the anonymous sponsor comes with a story of why it's being sponsored today. So we'll jump right into that as our first story for today. I have such a pile of emails. I'm so grateful. I love these emails. They inspire me, they motivate me, they ground me, they re-center me. Keep sending them. I could spend two hours, we'd never get to a *Torah* text. All I would do is read emails—you may prefer that—all we do is read emails, they're so powerful. So this first email is one of our sponsors this morning. Hi Rabbi Goldberg, this is my Living with *Emunah* story. Like many men, I began listening to the *shiur* because of a girl I was dating. Okay, whatever. לא לשמה בא לשמה, doesn't matter why. The *shiur* has helped me with so much with dealing with stresses of everyday life, seeing *Hashem* in more challenges, just helping me think about *Hashem* more. Now back to the aforementioned girl. We started going out early last year and I quickly realized she was really special. She had amazing *middos*, a fun personality, our values in life plan really aligned. Things went really well, but it ended after a couple of weeks. After it, I remember feeling upset because things had been working out so well, but as an early dater, I assumed this feeling came from inexperience. It was only after a couple failed experiences that I realized that that was special. I decided to reach back out to the *shadchan* and ask to see if this girl would be willing to take a phone call to talk about the possibility of trying again. *Baruch Hashem* she did, and *b'ezras Hashem* our wedding is a week from today. Today is the first day of not talking before the wedding, and I just wanted to send a message to my *kallah*. Isn't that great? Through the *Emunah* *shiur*, send an email—we're not talking, so I'm happy to be the go-between. Our story has many twists and turns, but I see how *Hashem* got us through it and orchestrated everything perfectly to get us to today. You've enhanced my *emunah* by more than just getting me to listen to the *shiur*. You are my Living with *Emunah* story. Wow. I love you and can't wait for next week. That's to her, not me. So, wow. Isn't that great? Every time I think like we're not going to find a better email or a better story, I love that one. Maybe she is the Living with *Emunah* story. Can't talk to her, it's a week before the wedding. I know! Instead of making the *shadchan* or the parent have to text on the behalf, I'll just do it through the *shiur*. I hope she's listening this week and doesn't skip this week. So big *mazal tov*, *mazal tov* and thank you and what a beautiful Living with *Emunah* story. But now I'll read one in another direction when it comes to *shidduchim*. First of all, I'll tell you we just came back from our two-day fly-in to New York. I think we had 16 or 17 meetings with *rabbanim*, *Roshei Yeshiva*, *Rebbes*, community leaders all over New York. It was extraordinary, it was outstanding. I look forward to sharing more of it. One of the meetings we had was with the *Munkatcher Rebbe* yesterday. So I mentioned someone, asked for *tefillos*, I mentioned could you *daven* for such and such person, she's in *shidduchim*. So he looked at me and he said, she's in *shidduch*. Don't say she's in *shidduchim* because you only need one. She's in *shidduch*, don't call it in *shidduchim*. He said he's *makpid*, don't call it in *shidduchim*, it's in *shidduch* because you only need one. *L'chvod* Rabbi Goldberg, I've been a regular listener to the *Emunah* *shiur*, it's been life-altering. Thank you for the compliment, I'm working on it. My whole family's been using Embrace Your Place in many different places. Thank you all for what you do to *mechazek* *Klal Yisrael*. I have two daughters in—she writes in *shidduchim* but now we'll say she has two daughters in *shidduch*. In *shidduchim*, the plural. 23 and 20. Your powerful *Emunah* lessons give us a place to focus our energies, seeing the hand of *Hashem* at every turn. Actually, I've been getting several requests and I'm thinking about doing it, a special maybe not every week, maybe on occasion, maybe starting once, but a Living with *Emunah* special edition for those who are in dating because there's specific—maybe we'll do that, maybe Yocheved and I will do that. She just learned about that. Yesterday my family experienced a situation revolving around *shidduchim* for my 23-year-old daughter that I want to share with you. We were contacted by a *shadchan* about a boy who said yes to my daughter and the description sounded appealing. My daughter's an open-minded *Bais Yaakov* girl, the boy sounded aligned to that. We started to call his references. One of the references, who was a friend of his, readily took my call and proceeded to describe activities of the boy that would not be aligned with my daughter. Sounded off to me and of course I could have just said no, but I felt something needed to be clarified. We called a *rav* on the resume who's from our community and a *mashgiach* in the *yeshiva* the boy had gone to. He asked straight out what was the name of the boy who told us the information. After we told him, he said he'd get back to us. The next day he told us that that boy I had talked to was a liar. Everything he told me were activities he would do, not his friend I was checking into. He told us right away that when we said the name he knew it could not be true. The mashgiach called the boy we were checking into to verify that these things were false. He also proceeded to call the mother of the boy to tell her to burn the resume and send out a new one immediately. The mother said that for two years they've been receiving so many rejections for her son and could not figure out why. Now that she knew why, she said her first reaction was to cry. But then she took a sidur to say mizmor lesoda. She was so thankful we took the time to look into her son further so this information could be uncovered. When I told my daughter the story her immediate reaction was to say, "I guess I had to date for so long so I could help this guy figure out his resume." Then she sweetly looked up and said, "Hashem, that's enough of that, I don't have to do that again." I know you want me to say they dated, but it was not the right fit for my daughter. But the immediate reaction of both of us to look up and turn to Hashem was truly an embrace the place moment. Everything's min hashomayim. I do not know yet what the outcome will be for this boy or this girl, but we know it's orchestrated from Hashem. Wishing you only the best, a thankful listener. So because they made the extra call they found out, they revealed. I am not going to do what I'm tempted to do, which is to go into my editorial comments about resume, references, the self-made problem, the layers of issues that we've added, the silliness of putting friends on a resume. I'm not going to get into any of that. I'm not going to get into any of that. I'm trying really hard, I'm not going to get into any of that. I'm not getting into any of that. Okay, next email. Hello Rabbi Goldberg, my name is such and such, thank you for everything you do. I really enjoy Living with emunah; it inspires me to deepen my connection. Thank you so much for the compliment. A few days ago my city was hit with a catastrophic tornado. Over five thousand homes and buildings were destroyed and over twenty thousand lost power. Boruch Hashem, my family and friends are safe. The traffic is insane, so many of the roads are blocked by trees. Don't worry, I'm remembering to embrace my place. A few months ago my family and I were seriously considering buying a house. We were about to place an offer when we last minute decided not to because something felt off. Flash forward, I was scrolling on Facebook when I saw a picture of the exact house we were about to buy with a giant hole through the roof. A tree had fallen through the roof and all the trees in their yard were down after the tornado. My initial thought was thank you Hashem for steering us away, you really have a plan. And while all that is true, we cannot forget that the house belongs to someone and their home was just destroyed. I cannot, will not ever know why Hashem chose that people suffer instead of my family. Even though Hashem makes what seems to be irrational decisions, I have to continue trusting His plan. I know that we'll never know His reasons for such things. Thank you again. So sometimes we know, embrace your place, embrace your purchase, embrace your house, embrace what you're doing, it's all for, it's all for a reason. Last night we culminated the two-day trip. I, separately, we had our BRS Global dinner in New York and I want to thank those who drove—some drove two and a half hours—and it was beautiful and it was meaningful and it was so powerful. And if you're listening or watching, I want to thank you because it really meant the world to me and to the rabbis of BRS who were there to connect with our greater community who we don't see, who are on the other side of the screen. But it was really powerful and I'm so grateful. So I gave out to these significant contributors who helped us with our campaign and who help us spread and promote the Torah that we do, the embrace your place stickers for the phone and for the decal. So I had a pile of them. And it happens to be I was coming out of the restroom and I ran into a woman who said hello to me. I knew who she was, she reintroduced herself, and she described to me, "I just got off the plane, seven hours, never made it to the wedding we were supposed to go to of a close friend. It was delayed. We were on the plane, off the plane, delayed in the plane, waiting, and in the end after seven hours it was cancelled. But we made the best of it because we knew that it wasn't destined for us to—" I said, "Hold on, let me go get something." And I ran and got the sticker. Embrace your place, you gotta know you are where you're meant to be. So these are some of the embrace your place stories and it's so powerful, the people who put it into practice in the most meaningful ways. Dear Rabbi Goldberg, thank you for the Living with emunah life support shiur. That's a new description. I like that. But before you get too complimented, let's keep reading. I'm a Living with emunah junkie and missionary. I'm constantly listening to the shiur, it's my lifeline. I love the fast-paced energy, depth, and sense of humor. Lately I've had trouble staying asleep. I turn on the podcast to help me drift back off. Often I'm lucky enough to not get much farther than the Morgans and the Shanzers. Don't take this the wrong way as you get plenty of daytime hours as well. In addition, I share the link with family and friends. I can't promise they listen, but I'll definitely keep spreading the joy. Anyway, but I love that. I love the honesty. Whenever I meet an anesthesiologist I say, "We're in the same line of work, we do the same thing." So if you can't sleep at night, Living with emunah. My emunah story has all the elements of an emunah story that you like. There are... triumphs, it's a continuing saga, there are moments of yes we nailed it, thank you Hashem, as well as that didn't go as planned as we dig deep to channel those Emunah muscles. We can see the light, know it's all from Hashem. Last week our son got kicked out of Yeshiva. Said child is brilliant and intuitive yet can't seem to figure out how to stay in line. Said child has put us through a Tzar Gidul Banim roller coaster on steroids. Said child is a dominating factor in my need to use the Living with Emunah Shiur as life support. Back to him getting kicked out of Yeshiva. This was the first time in three years an incident like this didn't cause me to get bent out of shape. I knew it was all meant to be and as parents we'll continue to do everything in our power to help resolve the issue. So we spoke to the Rosh Yeshiva, spoke to said child, got him a Chavrusah while he was suspended, started him with a new therapist, prayed. I was literally giddy with joy that I'd developed enough Emunah muscles to experience equanimity in a situation like this. Yes, I got Moshe Gersh's book, and maybe being giddy is an Ishtavus, but I'm making progress so cheer me on. After three days of him being out of school, I called the Rosh Yeshiva while waiting for an Uber to iron out getting him back into Yeshiva as we had initially discussed. Rosh Yeshiva came down quite hard, made the situation sound bleak. I was standing on the corner of Seventy-second Street when it became too much. I had to finish the conversation in a choked voice, telling the Rosh Yeshiva we'd come this far and wouldn't give up now. It was heart-wrenching. And I did give a little and I did get a little bent out of shape, crying into my three-year-old son's Parsha sheets. I'd just picked him up from school and his Parsha sheets were the closest things I had to a tissue. Thank you Hashem, my Uber arrived, and thank you Hashem, I was a block away from my three-year-old's school building, not in front of many people. He didn't want me to use a smartphone in front of the school building. I was shaking as I continued my day, taking my little one to the dentist, checking on a work project, coming home to the rest of my kids, trying to channel Hashem through it all. At some point later that day, I went back to podcast 300, which I had listened to the day before as I loved the letter you read from Chana and wanted to share it with a friend. I turned it on to double-check when you started reading the letter so I could let my friend know at which minute it starts, and guess what? Right before you started reading the letter, you spoke about a buddy of yours who had some issues with a child. And the advice you gave him was be grateful for all that you do have and tell Hashem, I'm not happy with your choice, I don't agree with you, but you made this problem and now take care of it. We won't stop nudging you until you get us out of it. Remember when I spoke about that? It was many years ago. The idea that our children are Hashem's children. And the same way, I'm not speaking about anyone I know, just hypothetically, a wife says to her husband, you have to go to parent-teacher conferences with me. It's your child too, how come I always have to go alone? There are plenty of fathers there. Again, I'm speaking theoretically from my neighbors. Plenty of fathers there, they find the time, they go, it's your child too, you're not off the hook, you have to come. That's exactly what we have to say to Hashem. It's your child too, you have to come to parent-teacher conferences and you have to figure this out. You're coming to the therapist and the psychiatrist and the doctor and the Rebbe and the rabbi and the Kivrei Tzadikim, you're coming with us. The Gemara says that there are three partners in every child, a mother, a father and Hashem. There are three partners. So Hashem's the one who told us he's a partner. If you're a partner in creation, then you also get the report card and you also have to come to parent-teacher conferences and you also have to help and take responsibility and Kaveyachol daven to yourself that we figure out a solution. So I spoke about that then and I speak about this now. That one of the ways to channel is not Hashem, you know, I trust in you and I believe in you and this is all for the best. It's that too, but take Hashem Kaveyachol like Moshe Rabbeinu did by the collar, grab him and say, this is your child too, you're coming to parent-teacher conferences, you're coming, I'm schlepping you, you have to come, it's your child too. Wow, this was not a knock but a tight hug from Hashem saying, I've got you. So thank you Hashem for getting us this far, thank you Hashem for all the progress said child has made, thank you Hashem for all the Emunah muscles I had to acquire to survive his challenges. And I don't know why you gave us a child with challenges, but I do know that you've got this. And this child will grow up to greatness because you've got our back. And I'm here and ready to continue the journey with you in the driver's seat. And thank you for helping see the light and may Hashem grant you Koach to continue the holy work till the coming of Goel Tzedek. Signed, an anxiety anonymous recovering mom. I hope she doesn't listen to Emunah Shiur while she's driving. Then she could fall asleep. Okay, we'll read one more, even though I have a thousand more. They're all amazing and they're so good and it's so tempting and so hard to decide which ones. Dear Rabbi Gober, this is not one of those oh wow letters but a real slice of everyday life. I left a live class this past Wednesday, went to work and the gym, at the end of the day decided to make a Costco return. As I was walking into the store to return an Adidas black cap to Costco, I was thinking about the Shiur and chuckling at the fact that I was returning an Adidas cap to the Kirkland superstore after all the references. Have they revoked her membership yet, Costco? I hope not. I figured since I was there already to make the return, even though I really didn't need anything important, I might as well pick up a thing or two and make my return on the way out. We all know that, right? The might as well. Almost an hour later with a cart full with a few hundred dollars worth of items, I started to scout out the shortest checkout line. It was late already and I was anxious to get home and serve dinner. Lucky me, I found a man standing in line with a single pair of shoes. I mean, who comes to Costco and buys one thing? They were a pair of Skechers. I was curious. I was waiting and waiting and finally I said to the guy... but he's never successful. He turns to me and says, I meant to be what I meant to be. I gasped, literally, and proceeded to scan the aisles for Rabbi Goldberg or the Rebbetzin pushing a cart with Kirkland finds. Certainly they planted this man here. When they were nowhere to be found, I said yes, that's almost as bad as parent-teacher conferences, you will not find me often in there. Certainly they planted this man there. When they were nowhere to be found, I said yes, I guess we all are where we were meant to be, as I learned in a class just this morning. We then proceeded to tell each other all types of things that could happen if we left 10 minutes sooner. Car accidents, traffic. He said you know, anyway, I'm here at this moment because this is teaching me to work on my patience. Another valuable nugget of advice. What are the chances? I couldn't believe how Hashem was talking to me in Costco. And I left with my unnecessary wagon of goods and went to the return counter and was asked, don't you see the line? I didn't. I was told to leave the store and join the huge line that was outside the store for returns. I returned the call of my friend who I called as I walked into Costco and told her I was still there. She asked what happened, I thought you didn't need anything? I told her don't ask, but it seems I did need to work on my patience and I was waiting on a long line. The things we can learn in Costco. The whole story would not have happened if I didn't attend the live class. I usually listen on Fridays while cooking. Since the class was changed to a later time, the advice of the person who's writing this email, and there were now question and answer afterwards, the advice of the person writing the email, I couldn't resist attending live. This too was hashgacha pratis. I wish you all the brachot of being able to see Hashem in every aspect of daily life. Thanks for the beautiful shiur, all the best. You can use my name, Chaya. Thank you so much for the email and the beautiful ideas. I'll end with one more and then we'll dive back into the text. This one is heartfelt, painful, real and raw, and I think relevant to all of us. I was coming out of shul the other day and there's a rabbi who teaches in Hadar who underwent and experienced a horrific tragedy earlier this year. His son, a few years younger than I am, was driving to pick his parents up in New York and the car had a problem and he pulled over on the side of the road. And when he got out of the car to try to manage the situation and wait for the tow truck who would help him, he was struck by a car. It's a longer story and ultimately he was killed. Tragically, tragically killed picking up his parents who had come in for a simcha, for a family simcha. It's an unimaginable tragedy. So I saw the father who teaches here and I just wanted to give him a hug. I gave him a hug and we all know there's nothing to say in those moments. And nevertheless, we despite that, try to find some words and make sense of something. So we exchanged some words and in those moments we do our best. We know it's unlikely we'll say something helpful, but we do our best not to say something hurtful. But one of the things I said, which maybe I shouldn't, I said you know when I had heard the tragic news, his son, who sort of the beginning of the whole online world of rabbis was very active, and in my foray into that world I had several encounters, engagements, conversations with him. And we had a lot of emails offline as well. And when I heard about the tragedy, I went back to my inbox and I dug up from it's got to be 12, 13, 14 years ago email exchanges I had. And I just said to him you know how bright, how insightful. We disagreed on several things, but also in some ways humble and what a special person he was and what a tragedy, what a loss. And revisiting those emails reminded me all that. And then I said something at the end about how you know I read the emails and I haven't been in touch in all those years. He was no longer active online, we stopped having those conversations online and off. And we sort of left it where we were, cordial and respectful, but disagreeing about several things and I wish there were one more conversation. I wish that wasn't the way it was left off. I wish now looking back there were things I could and would have said. And I'm not sure why I shared that, maybe or definitely it wasn't the most intelligent thing to say to a father who had lost a son, and I acknowledge that to him. But he said to me listen, listen to the following and I got his permission to repeat this. He teaches in Hadar high school and in Elul, last Elul, in anticipation of Rosh Hashanah, one of the girls in the class asked him, they were learning about Elul, Rosh Hashanah, Yom Kippur, Avinu Malkeinu we say in our davening, my father, my king. And one of the girls asked, she said I understand we call him our king. He's the king of the universe, he's the creator, he's the source of all existence. His providence, his dominion, his interaction, his involvement in our lives, we surrender, we submit, he's the king, we're his subject, we work for him. Why do we call him Avinu, he's our father? He's our father, doesn't that diminish him in some ways, it makes him smaller in some ways, and what does it mean relative to his being the melech, malkeinu, our king? So he thought on the spot and he said to the girl, he said to the young lady. He said, you don't know yet and you will one day please God, but there's no love like a parent towards a child. There's no love. A parent loves a child with all their being, with everything of them. The child's an extension of themselves. When we describe Hashem as Avinu, it's not to better understand him, but it's to know and feel how loved we are. That if he's not only our king, who could be cold and distant and hold us accountable, but he's also our father who's filled with endless and boundless and in many ways unconditional love, we should know that he loves us. We are his children. And he explained it to this girl. He was talking to his son, Eliyahu alav hashalom, zichrono livracha, and he as he often did had Torah conversation and he shared this teaching to ask his son, what do you think? What do you think of the answer I came up with? And they had a conversation back and forth. Eliyahu was a deep thinker and a talmid chacham shared his idea. And at the end before he hung up, he had this instinct, Rabbi Fink, to say to his son before last Rosh Hashanah. He said, you know this vort is about me and you. He said, Eliyahu, you're our eldest, you made us parents, you're our son. And you can't know the love that we have for you. And he elaborated on that. So he turned to me in the parking lot and he said, who would have known on Rosh Hashanah davening that this tragic accident would have happened and he'd be gone? But I didn't leave it unsaid. Because that girl asked that question and I had a conversation about what it means to be a father, I had the chance before he left this world to tell him how much I loved him. Which why would a parent tell a child in the prime of their life, healthy and happy, about what he means and how much he loves and how endless and boundless and how unconditional? And so he looks back with gratitude that the girl asked that question that started the conversation that led to his telling his son that therefore didn't leave that conversation unsaid. I was telling him these emails and I wish I could have one more conversation and he said, I don't have to have that wish because I did have that conversation. Hashem orchestrated things for me in such a way that I did have that conversation last Elul before last Rosh Hashanah. First of all, don't leave any conversations unsaid. If there are people in your life that you love, and we all know that we can never know which day and what will happen, if anything this world has taught us, it's how unpredictable everything is. Don't leave things unsaid ever. If you know them and you feel them, say them and find a way and make an excuse and say them, don't leave them unsaid. Okay. Back in Emunah u'Bitachon, Rav David Abuchatzeira, we're on page lamed-zayin, the left-hand column, rotzon yera'av ya'aseh, we're talking about how to do hishtadlus, taking initiative and action, not relying on Hashem with an inauthentic fake counterfeit emunah, but taking action being his partner, but also not taking excessive initiative and action so much so that we lack emunah because we don't realize that he is in charge. You know on this two-day trip the last couple of days, I had a big chance to embrace my place. If you have to drive anywhere in New York and the tri-state area, I won't tell you how long it takes to go three miles as the crow flies, is that the way the expression? It shouldn't be a decal in the corner, you should shrink wrap the entire car with the embrace your place. Embrace your place. ראשית דבר יש לאדם לדעת כי לא יתכן לבטל תורה ומצוות בעבור עסקיו. It's important to know that a person can't and shouldn't ever nullify or forfeit their Torah and their mitzvos because of their occupation and preoccupation. ובודאי השכל שלא להמשך אחר ההבל ותאוות הממון המכלים כל חלקה טובה ומסתירים אור פני השם בעולם. The drive, the insatiable appetite for for money, for money, can never cloud our judgment or get in the way, distort our values or our priorities or get in the way of what matters most. What Rav David Abuchatzeira here is explaining and reminding us that we are living and operating in a matrix. This whole world is an illusion. It's an illusion. The reality is eternity, immortality. The reality is our soul. The truth is our soul. I've shared this many times but it belongs, it deserves to be reiterated. We make an enormous mistake. We think that we are a body and we have a soul. We're a body. I spoke to a high school class last week about the Chevra Kadisha, what happens in death and dying and the afterlife and the work of the Chevra Kadisha, why do we have a shomer, why do we have a... And why do we give a taharah, and why are we so focused on burial? Just fought successfully a cremation. There'll be a burial later today, baruch Hashem, of somebody who was supposed to be cremated. Why? Why does it matter? Why do we care so much? Why do these things make a big deal? And it all comes down to exactly this distinction, which can be the mission statement of your life, which is that we're not a body that has a soul, we are a soul that has a body. A body that has a soul means we wake up in the morning and the first thing we do is feel exhausted and hit the snooze and I can't believe what time I came in last night and how exhausted, how little sleep I've had this week and I don't want to get up, and this aches and this hurts and my breath stinks and I've got to brush my teeth and I've got to shower and I've got to do this and some people who have hair have to brush their hair. I now, thanks to Sefira, have to brush my beard. Now we have to build that in in the morning routine. Now we have to, so our body, we wake up and the very first thing this world tells us is you are a body. The krechts and the aches and the pains and the appetite and the hunger and the caffeine with kavanah, I need my coffee and I've got to do my hygiene and I've got all the whole world is broadcasting relentlessly is you're a body, you're a body. And then you encounter and engage other people, how do I look, what am I wearing, how do I seem, what should I wear? We're a body, we're a body, we're a body. What am I going to eat, where am I going to go, what am I going to do? We indulge the body, we pamper the body. Massage and a mani-pedi and a delicious meal and a, we pay, and a good l'chaim and a delicious glass of wine. We pamper the body, we indulge the body. The body has an appetite, the body has drive, and we belong and we live and Hashem put us in a physical material world and we're physical and material beings and so we are relentlessly reminded that we're a body, we are a body. Oh, I remember somewhere I heard that I have a soul. I haven't really felt it or connected with it or been in touch with it. I haven't nurtured it or nourished it or protected it or preserved it or engaged in any way with it in a long time. But yeah, I remember once I was at a kumzits, I remember once there was a Neilah, I remember once I heard a drasha, I went to a shiur and there was something in me that felt alive, a little spark that was glowing. I think epis I once may remember I have a soul. That's a mistaken way to live life. I'm a body and somewhere deep inside, somewhere maybe in a file cabinet in storage, somewhere collecting mothballs, somewhere there's a soul. Our lives are defined exactly the opposite. Rabbi Nachman of Breslov writes, he says the same way that we wear clothing, we have garments, but we never confuse or mistake those garments for who we are. Some people do, and that's a terrible error in life. But you know, you look at the clothing on the chair and you don't say, oh my goodness, the clothing on the, I thought that was me. Why is it not on me right now? Why is it? Because we know the clothing isn't me, the clothing is something I wear. Some people have small closets and some people have big closets and some people take up other people's closets with all the clothing they have, but they know that the clothing isn't me, the clothing is just something that I wear. Now, the clothing that we wear we take good care of, because it has a utility and a function and we have a respect for it and we're grateful for the purpose it serves. So don't leave it crumpled up in a ball on the floor. Don't mistreat it. Take care of it. Treat it properly so it's there to take care of you and to serve you. But never confuse yourself with it because it's not who we are. And the fact is the clothing that we wear, while it serves its purpose, maybe it identifies us, some of us dress in a way that is a uniform that connects us with others. It's which style, which fashion we're part of. It's my individuality. It's my expression. Clothing has that purpose. But the truth of the truth is that clothing is often uncomfortable. Clothing is often restraining and restrictive and we can't wait to get it off. And as a rabbi, this is my uniform. I have to sleep and wear and 24/7 the tie and the straightjacket and the whole, you know, it's miserable and you can't wait to take it off. You can't wait to take your tie off, loosen your tie, can't wait to put on your t-shirt and shorts and relax. If there's ever an early night, which is very rare, and I'm home an hour where I don't have to go back out, which is very rare, so I take off, I relax and put on t-shirt and my kids look at me, were you fired? My kids have said that, why are you home? And why are you dressed like that? What is going on? What is happening here? I joked that the only people who can't put on something more comfortable when they get home are doctors, because they wear their pajamas to work. If you wear the scrubs and you go to work, there's nothing more comfortable to change into when you come home. They don't know that feeling, the geshmak of take off the tie, of relaxing, of getting undressed, of being able to be more comfortable, writes Rabbi Nachman of Breslov. He said, of course he didn't glorify death, לא המתים יהללו קה, we don't glorify death, we don't hasten death, we prolong life, we cherish life, we lean into life, we celebrate life. Life is everything. But writes Rabbi Nachman... When I leave this world, when I get to the world to come, I can't wait for my soul to disrobe of the garment called the body. I can't wait to take off this clothing called the body because the body's distracting. The body's got aches and pains, the body's got needs and appetites and drives. The body's got this world of free will it's navigating the complications, but my soul just wants to thrive and flourish and blossom and shine and illuminate. And my soul can't wait to take off this garment that's called the body. The body is just a garment that the soul is wearing. The body's a vehicle or instrument that's housing the soul. The soul is eternal, immortal, it is forever. I was taught and I repeat every time I officiate a funeral and I remind the family when we meet again that day when we gather right before the levaya begins and I say, I want to remind you, people don't die, bodies die. And we're not here to bury your mother, your father, your loved one. We're not here to bury a person, we're here to bury their body. Death happens to the body, and burial happens to the body. But the person, their soul is forever. That's why in the Talmud our rabbis they don't describe death as death. It's called Yetzias Haneshama. The Talmud describes death as the extraction of the soul. I don't want to take all the time with this, I'm just on my mind because I spoke last week. How old are our souls? Our body we know, the bodies in this room are all different ages. All different ages, different decades. I was talking to Rabbi Fox earlier this morning, he just celebrated his 101st birthday and the 88th anniversary of his Bar Mitzvah this past Shabbat. Wow. Wow. I asked, what was the logo at your Bar Mitzvah? What was the insignia? What was the theme of your party? 88 years ago, we didn't treat Bar Mitzvah boys like they were a franchise. You know, like the... anyway, I don't want to get into that editorial either. But so I said, how's your 101st year going so far? He's planning for the many more, please God. Please God. So, our bodies are different ages. Our bodies are different ages. Halevai we make it to 101 and beyond. Halevai. Our bodies in this room are different ages, but our souls? Do you know how old our souls are? 5,785 years old. Wow. We look pretty good considering. It's not bad. Our souls are 5,785 years old. What do you mean, we're all the same age? Yes. The Talmud, the Gemara tells us that at the moment of creation, the six days God created the world, he also created every soul that was destined to exist. And he has a celestial storehouse, he has a file cabinet in the sky where he stores all the souls from the beginning of creation. And over the last close to 6,000 years, whenever the moment is right, at the moment of conception or 40 days after, when he sees this mother, this father, this place, this time, this circumstance, no no no, yes, I'll take this soul out and I'll put it in that body. And that body will house that soul and through the body will express its free will and make choices and live in this world. And at the end of, David Hamelech said, we're lucky if we hit 70 years, but 70, 80, 90 years, 101, 120, God reaches down and he takes out, he plucks out, he extracts that soul from that body. So our rabbis call it not death, what do they call it? Yetzias Haneshama. The extraction of the soul from the body. What does that moment feel like? What is that moment like? What is death like? Baruch Hashem I can't tell you yet, and I hope not for a long time from experience, but I could tell you our tradition. The answer is, that moment when our soul is taken, extracted from our body, can go from the spectrum of extraordinary pain, excruciating pain, to joy and bliss and ecstasy. What determines what that moment feels like? It could be like Rabbi Nachman. Wow, finally I take off this tie, I take off this fancy gown, finally I could take off this what I'm wearing. Like Rabbi Nachman, or it can be excruciatingly painful because the soul that's extracted from the body is now looking down at this lifeless body and say, one second, wait, what? Wait, that's not me? I'm still here and I'm still alive, but that, it's dead, it's lifeless? Wait, that's what I looked at in the mirror, that's what I got dressed, that's whose appetite I served and indulged, that's what I pampered, that's what I thought I was. was me? When I thought of me, I thought of who I see in pictures, what I see in the mirror. When I thought of me, I thought of my physical being, my body, my physical experiences. So the soul is in extraordinary excruciating pain being extracted out of that body, holding on tight, wanting to be in it, and now looks at it lifeless and says, wait, what? And that’s why our tradition is that the soul hovers above the body until the body is buried in the ground, returns to its source from which it came, and now the soul has closure and says, I’ve come to closure that that is not me, and the soul can ascend on high to return to the source, to return to God. And that’s why through the period of pain that the soul’s extracted from the body, trying to understand who it is independent, separate, apart, that the real authentic, everlasting, eternal me is the soul, not the body, we don’t leave that soul alone. That’s why the Shulchan Aruch records it’s not just a nice idea, but the Shulchan Aruch records in Yoreh Deah that we don’t leave a dying person alone, but we have always companionship. A family rotates who’s going to sleep in the hospital room, who’s going to remain in the hospice. We don’t leave alone because like in all excruciating moments, it’s tempered and it’s helped just by company and companionship of another. So we’re there with that soul. And I always talk about how important it is that even in that room after the soul’s left the body, whatever you have to talk about, don’t talk about it if you wouldn’t in front of the person because they are still there, it’s not as if they’re still there, they are still there. They are still there. The neshama’s being shlepped out of the body even when the person is not yet, they have not yet left this world. I always also say, I take the family out of the room, let’s talk about other funeral arrangements, other sensitivities, what do we have to talk about, don’t talk about it in the room. It’s not as if they’re still there, the soul is there, the soul is there. And that’s why we treat the body with respect, the same way our clothing that was practical and functional and served a purpose, had utility, we treat our clothing with respect, that body that housed that soul in all those years was that vehicle or instrument let that soul express its free will, we tenderly and affectionately perform a tahara, we wash it, we clean the nails, we brush the hair, and we dress like the Kohen Gadol on Yom Kippur, the way we treat that holy body. So is it painful or is it pleasurable? Is it unbearable, unbearable pain, or is it bliss and joy when the soul’s extracted from the body? It all depends. If we live a life, if we spend all of our time here on earth thinking I am a body and I have a soul, now when we come to learn no, I am a soul and I have a body, that transition, it hurts, it’s painful, it takes time, we have to adjust. But if we spend our time here on earth, if we live our lives knowing I’m a soul, I just happen to be in this body, and there’s nothing wrong with this body experiencing pleasure while it’s here, have a good meal, wonderful drink, have the pleasures of this world, that’s why Hashem put us here and He wants us to enjoy it, a beautiful home and a nice car and enjoy and love and live life. But never for one moment get confused and think that this body that I’m enjoying life with, that I’m pampering, this body that’s navigating the physical material world, never for one moment get confused and think it’s you. Any more than you get confused and think what you’re wearing today is you. You know it’s a garment, you know it’s extra, you know it’s outside yourself. Yes, today it’s helping identify you, yes you’re proud hopefully of how you look in it, but it’s not you. We’re proud of how we look in this body. And the body has a purpose, and I want to enjoy it. But for one moment don’t ever think or confuse it with who you are. And then, then the Gemara writes, the Rambam writes in Moreh Nevuchim, the death of a tzaddik is experienced as misas neshika, it’s the kiss of death. It’s bliss and ecstasy, it’s being able to take off the tie, it’s being able to get undressed and disrobe from this body. It’s not who we are. So this whole world, and why, so why did Hashem do it this way? Why did He do it this way? Why did He give us a soul and put it in a body? Why not just live a life of souls? Why did He put us in the body? He put us on a body because the soul has no free will. The soul that’s living in the world of truth only sees truth and experiences truth and knows truth and has no free will. When you put the soul all of a sudden in that body and that body has temptation and appetite and drive and flaws and failures and shortcomings, and now this body is told food, you’re going to eat the right food, the wrong food, kosher food, non-kosher food, make a bracha before and after or not? You’re given the power of speech, you’re going to say the right thing or the wrong thing? You’re going to build or you’re going to knock down? You’re going to elevate or you’re going to destroy? The soul’s put in this body and the body becomes the way in which, means with which we express our free will in this world and that’s the purpose of creation is free will, that’s the depth and the meaning of all relationships. I'm putting you in a physical material world and I'm giving you a physical material body and you're going to have to learn to navigate this world and your soul through its body is going to navigate this world. Get to work. And at the end of whatever time I put you here for, I'm going to take that soul out and we'll see where you are and we'll give you your seat assignment in the world to come. The world to come. Even Southwest I think now has seat assignments. Did I read that? They're starting. Because everyone needs seat assignments. I don't know how a Jew went on Southwest before seat assignments. Who could sleep for several nights before to know, get your extra legroom, are you on your aisle, sit your window, who are you going to be sitting next to, what's it going to be like, what's happening, what's going to be going on near you? I sat down on the plane last night and the two guys sitting next to me said, we're really sorry, we just got off the golf course, two-day golf trip, we ran right from the golf course to the plane, we didn't get a chance to shower in between, we're really sorry. So I took out my dinner and I said, we'll call it even. I opened my dinner, which was not gefilte fish or herring, it didn't smell, it was delicious. So we didn't call it even. They were lovely guys, he shot a 77, mazel tov, what a round of golf, God bless. Anyway. So our seat assignment, who am I going to be next to? Will I have the overhead? When am I going to be able to board? Will I get in on time? So what's the seat assignment for eternity? What's the seat assignment for eternity in the world to come? Where will you be? Where will you be for what? Who's performing? Who's on stage? The Almighty God himself, the source of all good and pleasure in this world, and everyone is going to want to have center stage front row. Everyone. So will you be center stage front row? Will you be up in the nosebleeds? Will you be watching out in the parking lot on a jumbo screen? What determines the seat assignment in the world to come only the choices we make in this world. Once the soul's extracted from the body and it spends eternity, it gets a seat assignment and it is there forever. So where do you want to be? When you go through life, are you satisfied with being a bleacher creature at Yankee Stadium, or do you want to sit in the padded seats with access to the all-you-can-eat glatt kosher food? Are you in the last row of the plane next to the bathroom where two golfers is the least of your problems the way they smell, or are you extra legroom, first class, lie flat? What determines your seat assignment for eternity in the world to come is whether in this life we lived knowing we're a soul that has a body or we're a body that has a soul. Do we make the right choices or the wrong choice? Now the good news is, we can fix the wrong choices and it's never too late to learn and to live that we're a soul that has a body. There's only one way that we can move seat assignments in the world to come. There's only one way we can move down from one section to another and get a better seat in the world to come and that is a return on the investments we made in this world. That's why all the people who dedicated class le'iluy nishmat to elevate the soul of their loved one, that's what they mean. When we say, my loved one is no longer here taught me and shaped me and molded me and the good thing I'm doing, they get the credit. They get the credit. They can still get a return on that investment. Can't make new investments, but you can get a return on one. So when we do things in the memory of our loved ones, we are helping their soul. We're improving their seat assignment. We're putting them in a better place. So this world and this life, it's an illusion, it's a matrix, it's fake, it's fraud, it's counterfeit. Hashem created it and he put us in it so that we can extract lessons from it and the free will we express in it is choosing what will determine our seat assignment. But really the truth is, this world isn't real. So that's our mission, that's what Rabbeinu Abuhatzeira was saying in that one line that we just spent a lot of time outside on, which is the Hevel ta'avat hamamon. There are people who forfeit the eternity for the pleasure of this world. Eternity you want to be with your family, friends, you want to be making a difference, you want to be leaving a legacy, you want to be having an impact. That's what we take with us. כי לא במותו יקח הכל לא ירד אחריו כבודו. It's a beautiful song, but it's also a motto and a mission statement. That you can't take it with you. The Malbim asks, כי לא במותו יקח הכל, that when you die you can't take it all with you? What does that seem to suggest? What can you take? Some of it with you. So what can you take? What do you get to take? So the Malbim says, you can't take anything. I love to say you never see a hearse with a U-Haul attached to it. I've never been to a funeral where they filled the grave and say just put these assets, these stocks, this real estate portfolio. Just put these gold and this silver, put this jewelry, put it with him, because he or she's going to they're going to take it with them. So why did כי לא במותו יקח הכל David Hamelech, you can't take it all? You can take some, what can you take? The Besht says, yeah, you know what you can take? Ready? Listen carefully. You can't take anything you're holding on to. You can only take with you what you give away. You understand the paradox? What you're holding on to with a tight fist, you can't take with you. It's not coming where you're going. But what you give away, that's what goes with you. The difference you make. And that means the resources, it means physically what you gave away, the donations, the resources, the difference, the time that you gave away, the energy you gave away, that's what you take with you. That's what comes with us. When we live our life knowing we're a soul that has a body, that's what we take with us. That legacy we take with us. That's what we take with us. So there are people, they're holding on so tight and they just want more and more and they have endless taking endless initiative, endless initiative. I don't want to embarrass him, but I don't think he listens to Living with Emunah so I'm good to go. I'll end with this thought and then we'll turn off the stream and do our question. When my father retired, he was at the prime of his business or financial life, working for a company that he worked tirelessly for and we barely saw him as it was being built. He didn't own the company, worked at a public company, and right in its heyday, right in its bursting out, and he chose to retire. I said, Dad, you know, you've worked so hard, you put in so much time and you made it until now and now it's about to break out and now you're retiring? Why? A few more years, a little bit more what you could amass and accumulate. Not for me, for him. So he said to me and it's one of the many reasons I admire him and he's one of my great mentors and teachers, he said, I have enough. More than enough. What he actually said was at the time they weren't living in Boca, he said, every time we come to visit you I see another person with a walker, with a wheelchair, another person where I ask where they are you tell me that sadly, me, you officiated at their funeral. So what do I what am I going to work longer to have more? To have less time to spend with my children and my grandchildren and now great-grandchildren? What's the reason that I have it all? So sadly there are people, they spend more and more time at advanced and advanced age when they have more than enough for themselves and even for generations to come but they're so addicted and obsessed so absorbed that's who they are, they're so confused and mistaken and thinking they are a body they have a soul, they're neglecting their soul in the pursuit of their body, more things, more things. But what are they giving up in the process? Our initiative can't be at the expense of what our priority should be. So a person has to look and weigh in each moment what's the trade-off? The initiative I'm showing to work another hour, to do that another, what's the trade-off? What am I giving up? Who am I not spending time with? What am I neglecting about myself? How am I neglecting my soul? What am I doing wrong within my soul? Okay, there's a lot more to talk about all these topics. We'll pick up with Im Yirtzeh Hashem we should hear בשורות טובות ישועות ונחמות. Thank you to all again, to those who came last night to that dinner, what you're helping us build, not just a community, a global community, the impact we're trying to have. I thank you. We should hear Yeshuot veNechamot. We'll turn the stream off and we'll continue with a question for this week.
