Transcript
*Boker tov*, *boker tov* everyone. Good morning. Welcome back to Living with *Emuna*. Great to be back together again. As always, please help yourself to coffee, slushy, pastry, whatever you like from our food station in the lobby. *Emuna* series is generously sponsored by Dr. Zavi and Bella Morgan in memory of Rabbi Dr. Brian Galbut and in memory of Bella’s mother Dr. Ellen Shanzar. We remain very, very grateful to the Morgans for their incredible generosity. This morning's *shiur* is also sponsored by Jessica Felman and Yoel Gluck *l'nishmas* her dear grandfathers בנימין ראובן בן מאריס and *Yaakov ben Avraham* and by Robin and Eric Fromen on the 20th *yahrtzeit* of צבי הירש בן יונה דב, Harold DeBow, and לעילוי נשמת יהודית בת יוסף הלוי, grandmother of Ari and Richie Merzoff, and Rina and Shlomi Berkowitz whose *yahrtzeit* is *Yud Beis Cheshvan*. *Neshamah* shall have an *aliyah*, all the *neshamos*. Thank you so much for the generous sponsorship. I want to acknowledge and welcome my sister-in-law, Mrs. Shaina Goldberg, who is in for a few hours to recruit for her seminary and for some reason is here rather than sleeping in, having breakfast or at the mall, but it means a lot. Thank you. You should all have heard her amazing *shiur* last night and follow her amazing articles on Times of Israel including the one she wrote this week. Shaina, it's great to see you. Thank you for coming. We are going to return to what we were learning last week, but first want to share with you a few letters, an email. I hope they'll continue to come in. I don't get to them all, but every one of them I read and every one of them touches me very deeply and inspires me. So if you have that hug or that wink from *Hashem*, if you have that *Avrom* moment in this week's *parsha*, where you are protesting *Hashem*, negotiating with *Hashem*, debating with *Hashem*, I've shared this often and I'll share it again because I think people, including me, need to hear it. In this week's *parsha*, *Avrom* makes a precedent that you're allowed to wrestle with *Hashem*. *Hashem* debates: Should I tell *Avrom* what I'm about to do in *Sdom*? And we talked about in the *parsha shiur* why does *Hashem* hesitate? What is he debating whether he should tell *Avrom*? *Hashem* is perfect and omnipotent. He needs to have an internal dialogue. He's having this internal, he's doing a *shtickle* IFS on himself. Should I tell him? Should I not tell him? This part wants to, this part... *HaKadosh Baruch Hu* is perfect. What's he debating? We spoke about that in the *parsha* class. But he concludes he's going to tell *Avrom* and he tells *Avrom*: The wicked people of *Sdom*, they've got to go. And why do they have to go? What we shared, *Rav* Nissan Alpert, they were, they were animals in the guise of human beings who had forfeited and purged their godly soul and all that's left is animals. *Hashem* didn't want *Avrom*, *Avrom* the paragon, paradigm of *chesed*, he didn't want *Avrom* to give up on humanity. And if *Avrom* would know that there are animals like Hamas and Hezbollah and Sinwar *yemach shemo v'zichro*, if *Avrom* would know that, he would now doubt his mission. He would second guess every person: Are they worthy of *chesed*, not worthy of *chesed*? Are they *tzelem Elokim*, are they an animal? And *Hashem* hesitated because of that but concluded if *Avrom* is going to be the *Av Hamon Goyim*, he needs to know that there are those who are so evil, so wicked, such brutal barbaric animals, they forfeited and purged their very godly soul. So he tells *Avrom*. And nevertheless, what does *Avrom* do? Right away, Okay, *Hashem*, let's make a deal. Let's make a deal. There're 50 *tzaddikim*, you can't do it. *Hashem* says, why do you come to 50? Because you need a minimum of 10 righteous people to transform a community. And how many cities were there in *Sdom*? Five towns. The five towns of *Sdom* and I'm, I'm a *tinok* boy. I'm just a *tinok* boy. I'm not commenting, *chalila*, G-d forbid. But just saying the number, there were five. There were five. And *Avrom* says you need 10 in each, and you see from here, you see from here that just like a *minyan* of people answering *Kaddish* and *Kedusha*, 10 people sanctifying G-d's name can carry and lift an entire *tzibbur*, but 10 of the wrong people can also destroy. So *Avrom* knows you need 10 righteous people. So 50. *Hashem* says no. He says okay, what if there's only nine in each city? Nine plus you G-d, that's how we'll get to 10. So 9 times 5, he says 45. 45 righteous people. *Hashem* says... 40? 30? 20? 10? Can't even find 10? That's not even one city that we can save and *Hashem* says no. But *Avrom* doesn't hear the news, *Hashem* says I have a report for you, I'm destroying *Sedom*. I've got bad news. *Avrom* doesn't say well I go to the *Emuna shiur* and I have to just accept whatever *Hashem* says and if you say you have to destroy it because I practice *emuna* and *bitachon*, I'm working out my *emuna* muscle, I'm watching through my *emuna* glasses, I now have to just surrender and submit whatever *Hashem* says. *Avrom* doesn't do that. He says one second, G-d. I'll defer to you in the end, but we're going to talk this out. Because I don't like your conclusion. I'm going to protest, I'm going to argue, I'm going to negotiate, I'm going to push back. Whatever you say in the end, I'll accept. But first we're going to wrestle over this. And *Avrom*, our forefather, *Elokei Avraham*, *Avraham*, who is *Avinu*, gave us the license and gave us the right to wrestle with G-d. And G-d sometimes taps us on the shoulder and he says, I've got some news for you. *Chalila*, G-d forbid, an ill... Illness, parnassa challenges, shidduch challenges, fertility challenges, a war, soldiers, hostages, it breaks, breaks, breaks our heart. A new video came out of one of the hostage, it's Sapir who spoke here on Tisha B'Av of her boyfriend who's still being held, and a new video of him. How does it not tear your heart? So you see that video today, and you shouldn't need to see that video, you should just walk by the counter in our lobby that we're past day 400 and you say Hakadosh Baruch Hu, I'm wrestling with you. Like Avram, how could it be? How could it be? Am Yisrael must have the merit to bring the hostages home. Hashem, there must be ten righteous people in Am Yisrael across the globe to bring these hostages home. So like Avram in the end we have to accept whatever he tells us. His conclusion has to be ours. We have no choice, it's what it means to be religious is to surrender, is to submit. But it doesn't mean we can't wrestle along the way. Avram Avinu gives us the license. He invites us, he creates the precedent for us and he says, "You don't have to just take it lying down." Hashem sometimes invites us and wants us to wrestle. He wants us to engage, he wants us to protest, he wants us to debate, he wants us to negotiate. Hakadosh Baruch Hu, enough, enough. How many fronts can this war be fought on? And there's some hopefully hints, people are being put in place, good decisions are being made, hopefully we're going to see an end. Please God, wars will conclude, hostages will come home, our enemies should fall. But until then we continue each and every day in our tefilla three times a day and all day in between to wrestle with Hashem, to wrestle with Hashem. How could it be? He gives us that license. He gives us that license. So when you get that wink or that nod or that hug when things work out perfectly and it just came to be and share, put it in an email, it inspires me and through me inspires so many others. But even when it doesn't. And last week we read emails of people, story didn't yet have the happy ending to it. We don't know how it turns out. But they're also choosing, we spoke last week about emuna being a decision and a choice, not a feeling. They are choosing to live with emuna and to see and interpret everything in their life that way as well. So I want to share with you a couple emails, then we'll get back into our learning. Dear Rabbi Goldberg, today I had an emuna moment I wanted to share. Started jogging a few months ago, and today for the first time ever I tripped while running into an intersection, nearly falling. I caught myself right before I fell. I immediately thought, "Wow, Baruch Hashem, that could have been bad. How lucky am I?" I finished a mile and decided to get on the local high school track to continue my run. One lap around the track I ran by a bench to throw down my sweater and somehow I tripped over the bottom of the bench. I went flying several feet, fell, hitting my right side. I was winded, bruised, a little scratched up, even more so I was embarrassed and disappointed I couldn't finish my run. A little bit later I was questioning, "Isn't it strange I just thanked Hashem I didn't fall, ten minutes later I went flying and found myself sprawled on the ground?" Perhaps in the past I would have gone negative, but then I took a mental step back and thought, "Maybe today I was meant to fall. I don't know why, but I guess that's what was meant for me." And wow, did Hashem show me such kindness that I fell on the track where I'd only been for three minutes of a 16 minute run and not in a concrete and gravel intersection where I would have been much more injured. I suppose I could have been upset about the fall, but it's all about perspective. Yes, I fell, but wow, it could have and almost was much worse. Thanks for the emuna shiurim, they really help shift my perspective. All the best. Again, insignificant, inconsequential, could have been much more significant, but it's a choice. You could lie there in pain and miserable. I give my ten minutes of the Ramban Wednesday morning before this shiur. The platform, I won't use the name, that we use to stream it, it wasn't working. The internet was working, the laptops working, and then a little message came on, "We're having a problem, we're trying to fix it." I waited, I waited, okay, it wasn't meant to be. I recorded it audio. The world will survive without the video stream. As I began the shiur and I said, I looked in the mirror this morning and I promise you're not missing anything. All you need is the audio, all you need is the audio and you are good to go. I'm sharing it as a small example in my own life where when you choose to live with emuna, in the past I would have been frustrated and disappointed and angry and write a nasty email to this platform, "I pay you every month and it didn't work," and the world ended because those ten minutes people didn't learn from the Ramban. Now you say Hashem didn't mean, I did everything I was meant to do, nothing wrong on our end, so it wasn't meant to be. And the world will survive. And when a person lives with that active, mindful decision, decision, don't wait for the emotion. If you wait for the emotion of emuna, you're going to be waiting a long time. There is no Ozempic emuna shot. You can't take the shortcut. I'm not criticizing anybody whatsoever, that wasn't a judgment. That was actually a wish, halevai. Halevai we could produce medicines to take care of other yetzer haras, to eliminate other drives and temptations, to help us live and see the right perspective in moderation. That was not judgment, it was a halevai. So if you're listening and you run a biotech pharmaceutical company and you could invent a medicine that would eliminate the drives to speak lashon hara or watch the wrong images or feel greed for money or struggle to. It's a decision. It's work. It's a decision that when you trip on the track, you realize Hakadosh Baruch Hu it could have been much worse. I use the gift of the Living with Emunah shiur weekly to enrich my life and be able to navigate life's changes. I want to share two stories. I don't remember if I read this, so you'll stop me if I did, or you won't remember either and then we'll just get chizuk from it. I was in the dollar store when a very chashuva woman called me to talk. She was very distressed. Her daughter was overdue to give birth. She was counting on being there to help her with her children, especially over Shabbos. I think I might have read it, but here is Erev Shabbos, still no labor. What should she do? She needs to be everywhere, but she's waiting for her daughter to go into labor so she could drive an hour and a half to help her and it's Erev Shabbos. I told her she and her daughter are exactly where they are meant to be. Hashem is in charge, he will determine when the best timing is for all the bracha coming your way. She calmed down, relaxed and I hung up the phone. Then a man I never met before came over to me and told me he couldn't help overhearing my conversation. He was so impressed with my words. He said, "I listen to Rabbi Goldberg's Living with Emunah shiur and I heard those words before." I told him, "Those are Rabbi Goldberg's words." We both smiled in recognition of the power of the lessons. Yesterday my husband had an angiogram, was panic-stricken. After they took him into surgery, I anxiously pulled out my Tehillim, I recited 50 prakim of Tehillim. He gave the parsha shiur on Nitzavim when you mentioned Torah mitzvos the platform to draw closer to Hashem. I literally felt the embrace of Hashem. My shoulders relaxed, I was able to get through the end of the procedure, Hashem literally held my hand through the rest of it, and Baruch Hashem it all turned out okay. So they're not my words, this is just simple Torah that I'm quoting and privileged to, so it's wonderful that we have a little community of people who find each other and we'll make bumper stickers. Thank you Carol Walt who gave me this this morning, which will now set on my desk. "Good morning, this is God. I will be handling all your problems today. I will not need your help, so relax and have a great day." So I wish I could say we made these, but it's great, thank you Carol. So these messages, we just gotta put it on your steering wheel, and your bathroom mirror, and your desk, maybe tattoo it on your children's foreheads, remember it's all from Hashem, whatever, don't actually tattoo it. But whatever it is, these messages, they come at us and they remind us and we know. And we know. Okay, one other, and this may come from an unexpected place. 2016. If you recall the Republican primary for president in 2016, our Senator Marco Rubio was the favorite. He was like the golden child, and he was young, bright, handsome, ambitious, and he was supposed to march right to the presidency and the White House and it didn't turn out that way. You may recall, he was called names on a public debate stage, he struggled with dry mouth, he went through several things and ultimately he dropped out of the primary. And when he dropped out of the primary, he gave a speech or I don't remember, maybe issued a statement. He was dropping out of the primary and I was blown away, because, and I've met him several times, he's our Senator and he's a man of great faith. And in that speech when he dropped out, he talked about God didn't have this in store for me, this wasn't what was meant, I accept whatever is God's will, and I'm good. I was blown away. I was blown away. So I wrote him a note telling him that I was really impressed because as a public official, elected official, using that moment, not to blame, not to be bitter, using that moment to actually express faith and model for all of us how we should react through disappointment, so I wrote him a note. So he wrote me back a note, this was 2016, I share it with you, not to flex that I got a note from our Senator, but because yesterday, I don't think it was officially announced yet, but it was all but announced that Marco Rubio is going to be our next Secretary of State, which is an extraordinary choice, an amazing choice. Just so you understand who will be our next Secretary of State. You have somebody who stands by Israel, fights for Israel, understands we have to destroy and eliminate Hamas. This is somebody who whenever he talks about, whenever he talks about parts of Israel, he refers to it not as the West Bank but as Judea and Samaria. So I once said to him, I said, "Senator, you call it Judea and Samaria, thank you so much, that's so meaningful, but why? The world calls it the West Bank. Why are you always call it Judea and Samaria?" So he looked at me and he said, "Isn't it rude to call someone something that's not their name? It's not the West Bank, it's Judea and Samaria. I'm calling it its accurate name." That's who's going to be the Secretary of State please God, please God of the United States of America. Anyway, he wrote me back this note in 2016. "Rabbi Goldberg, thank you for your kind note. My family and I are in perfect peace with the outcome as part of God's will, and we are excited about what he has planned for our future. Marco." That's what he wrote. "My family and I are in perfect peace with the outcome as part of God's will, and we are excited about what he has planned for our future." Now interestingly by the way, when he wrote God's will, he wrote G dash D. He's very machmir on the shailah of shemos of God. I don't know who his posek is, but he's machmir, G dash D. G-dash-D and capital H. I'm not sure how many frum Yidden get that right. Capital H and it's a machlokes G-dash-D, that was his humra. But that's my last letter of living with emuna before we get into the text. It wasn't a letter for the emuna shiur. I wish I could say it was. I don't know if Marco Rubio listens to it. I don't know that he doesn't, but I don't know that he does. But I thought it was a great example, I thought it was a great example of someone who said, 'I fought hard, I worked hard, and this was an embarrassing, he could have been ashamed, embarrassed, humiliated, I'm at perfect peace with what God has chosen to be the outcome, the outcome.' And I'm excited to see what He has in store next. And what He had in store next, please God, it to be Secretary of State. And that's a great plan, for whatever reason Hashem chose that's not where you belong, He closes doors, this is where you belong, He opens doors. And now it took eight years to open the next door. Again, he's been a senator, Baruch Hashem, successfully, but sometimes in our lives Hashem closes a door that we're pushing through and fighting through and we're ramming through, and He pushes that door closed 'cause it's not where we belong, and we just need to be patient and wait and maybe we'll see, maybe it's eight years or 80 years, He'll open another door where we belong. What He has planned for our future, excited about, excited. This was right after the public humiliation of withdrawing from the race, and he's excited about what God has planned for the future. So even when He closes one door for us, try to stay excited about what God has planned for our future. Last week we started, the pasuk said last week, we're continuing it 'cause it wasn't about the Parsha class, it's an emuna shiur. Pasuk says, we didn't understand it. Hashem turns to Avram, ויאמן בה' ויחשבה לו לצדקה. God considered Avram's emuna in Him, that's so nice of you, Avram, that's so kind, that's so nice, that's so generous, that's so gracious, thank you for believing in me, that's so nice. Rashi wrote הקדוש ברוך הוא חשבה לאברהם לזכות ולצדקה על האמונה שהאמין בו. Because you are living with emuna, you're demonstrating emuna, that's so kind. And the Ramban was so bothered by it. Really? That's kind? Are you kidding me? The same Avram who's ready to shecht his son at the end of our Parsha, the same Avram who undertook and overcame nine other tests, with this good news that you're going to have a child? Right, Hashem tells Avram, good news you're going to have a child, Avram reacts and receives it well and Hashem says, 'Ooh, thank you for your emuna.' Really? That's the impressive emuna? Not, not when he's ready to do Akeidas Yitzchak? Not when he's ready to be thrown in the fiery furnace? Not the other moments? So the Ramban gives another interpretation, vayeichsheveha lo litzdaka was that he was going to transmit to his children his faith, that's the part that Hashem was grateful for. Not only have you demonstrated faith, but you're going to live a life where you prioritize transmitting that emuna, that bitachon, that dveikus, that faith to the next generation. But we started Rav Shmuel Birnbaum zatzal, the Rosh Yeshiva of the Mir Brooklyn, Tiferes Shmuel, beautiful new sefer that's come out in the last year or two, he gives a different answer. V'yeish lomar, יש הבדל גדול בין ידיעה להרגשה. There is an enormous difference between knowledge and feeling. The farthest difference, farthest distance in this world is the distance between our head and our heart. The longest distance between any two points on earth is the distance between our head and our heart. All these things we know upstairs in our head. We know we shouldn't eat that, we know we shouldn't stay up that late, we know we shouldn't react that way, we know we shouldn't... and yet, whatever we know up here, for it to filter down to here and to our hands, to our actions, it's hard. Lemashal, גם כשאדם יודע סכנה של עישון. A person knows they shouldn't smoke. סכנה של נהיגת רכב במהירות ביותר. People know that they shouldn't be going over the speed limit, they know they shouldn't be texting while driving. אפי' הכי אנשים עושים אותם. I don't know anyone of you if stopped and asked, should you text while you drive, would say yes, nothing wrong with it, not dangerous at all. Everyone will say 100% dangerous, could be lethal, it's not right for you, for your children in the back seat, for people in other cars. When they passed the legislation in Florida to make it illegal to text and drive, they did a survey of people and overwhelmingly people said it's dangerous to text while driving, and overwhelmingly people said, except for me 'cause I'm good at it. Overwhelmingly people felt it's dangerous, don't do it, I'm an exception 'cause I'm good at multitasking, I've got it. But there's all these things we know up here, all these things, but to get them to come down. יש רק ידיעה על הסכנה אבל אין להם הרגשה בחוש אודות הסכנה. We have a knowledge, it's academic, it's conceptual, it's in principle, it's in a book somewhere. Ma she'ein kein, lemashal, if there's before a person davar או שרואה רכב לפניו שבא במהירות כנגדו והוא סכנה גדולה וודאי יברח מהסכנה. If a car is coming right at you, you're going to jump out of the way. You don't say, well, according to my calculations, its velocity and its trajectory and it's headed towards me and maybe... You don't start academically calculating trajectory and velocity and what is the likelihood and what is the chance? If the car's coming right at you, you jump out of the way. Why? כי הוא מרגיש את הסכנה because your heart is pounding through your chest, because you can't breathe, because you're afraid you're not going to survive, because every sense in your body tells you you're in danger. It's a sensory experience. Your whole body is reacting. It's not just your head, your entire sensory experience. כמו כן בענין יראת שמים יש דרגה של אמונה בידיעה שיודע שיש בורא עולם יש דין ויש דיין. Says Rav Shmuel Berenbaum, there's emuna be-yedia. Somebody goes to the class and they heard an analysis, there's the evidence for Hashem's existence, I heard all the proofs for Hashem's existence, I read Rabbi Lawrence Keleman's book, and I went to Aish HaTorah's Bible Codes class and I read all the examined all the evidence, all the evidence, and I've come to the absolute conclusion that calculating the chances, there is a God. I have a knowledge, I have a yedia. There is a God, there is a din ve-dayan, there is a judge and there are laws. He has expectations, ma’amin be-Torah ha-kedosha. After carefully examining the evidence, I have concluded that God is real, the Torah is real, He has expectations for us. אמנם אם הוא רק בידיעה לאו דווקא שינהג כראוי לפי ידיעתו. But if all it is is knowledge, if all it is is knowledge, it's not experiential, you're not demonstrating, you're not putting into practice, you're not living it, you're not feeling it the same way that the car coming at you. על פי התורה והמצוות המדרגה הגבוהה ביותר הוא מי שהאמונה שלו היא בהרגשה הוא מרגיש תמיד לפניו את שויתי השם לנגדי תמיד שהקדוש ברוך הוא רואה תמיד ומשגיח עליו. A person who says Hashem is by my side. He's got a hand on my shoulder. He is with me always. He's with me at the waiting room for the treatment that I need to receive. He's with me while I'm waiting to get the lab report. He's with me dancing at the simcha of my child. He is with me. He's watching what I'm choosing to watch on my laptop. He's with me listening to my phone call. He is by my side always. שויתי השם לנגדי תמיד. Mashgi’ach. There's not supervision. He's not watching me because I'm wearing a digital ankle bracelet, I'm on house arrest. He's my... he's my parole officer, he's constantly with me because he supervises. He's not my shadow in school. He's with me because he's my twin. We spoke about in the Sitter Snippet last night, a beautiful Torah from Rav Moshe Shapiro. The pasuk says, Simcha Leiner made famous in a beautiful song, yonati tamati, a beautiful song from Shir HaShirim, a pasuk in Shir HaShirim, that's describing our connection to Hashem. And one of the words that we use, tamati tamati, Hakadosh Baruch Hu is... we were tam, we're whole, we're complete. But the Midrash Shir HaShirim, I never knew this Midrash, Rav Moshe Shapiro brings down, the Midrash Shir HaShirim says don't read it tamati tamati, read it te’umati. Hashem says you are my twin. You're my twin. And the image I have in reading it is you're my conjoined twin. Our lives are intertwined, our destiny is one, we're living it together. Imo anochi be-tzara says Hashem, when you're in misery and in pain and you're suffering, I am right down there with you. With you. When Hashem appears to Moshe in a bush, what kind of a bush does he appear in? A thorn bush. A lowly thorn bush. Now, you're God Almighty, creator of the universe, and you're appearing before Moshe who is going to march into Pharaoh and demand, let my people go. And if you want to make this memorable moment and this iconic image of a bush, I'm not expert on landscaping, but I don't know, you could choose roses, violets, bougainvillea, something a little prettier than a lowly thorn bush. Why does Hashem appear to Moshe in a lowly thorn bush? Says Rashi there, why? Imo anochi be-tzara. Because I am with you in this pain. I'm God Almighty, I'm not a slave to Pharaoh in Egypt, but because our lives are twinned, are intertwined, are enmeshed together, you're my twin, we are conjoined, our destiny is shared, imo anochi be-tzara. I'm celebrating, I fargin your simcha, I'm with you at dancing at your happy occasion and I am crying, I am by your side, I'm feeling your pain in your sad one. We are together. Don't read it tamati, it's te’umati. We are twins, our destiny is twinned. And that's what tefilla is. That's why we shared last night in the Snippet, Rav Moshe... Rav Moshe Shapiro says prayer is the wrong word, because prayer, prayer is a secular and non-Jewish word. Prayer connotes petition. What's the whole purpose of prayer? To petition. Here's a list of my things. Here's what I need. I had to go shopping the other day. I got the shopping list from the whole family. It is a cruel thing to send a shopping list not organized by the sections and aisles of the supermarket. I just want to say as somebody who is not intricately familiar with the layout, maybe as I should be, to send arbitrary list that is not organized according to the supermarket is actually a hate crime. It's a hate crime and people should be prosecuted. People should be prosecuted. How did I come onto this? Oh, because you have your shopping list. So prayer is not a petition that you appear before God with your shopping list. Well, I need good health, my kids gotta get into this school, this one needs a shidduch, I need this thing, and the prayer is just this platform to offer my petition, offer my, my request. That's not what prayer is, says Rav Moshe Shapiro. Says you know what prayer is? Tefilla comes from a psil is a wick. Nitpal is a wick that's intertwined when you have wicks that are intertwined to a candle. Hashem says tu-umassi, I want to be intertwined with you. Our lives to be intertwined from when you wake up in the morning till you go to sleep at night, we're in this together. So you say, Hashem says, okay here it is, 26 minutes in, Hashem says, I'm getting in the ice plunge with you. I know you don't want to get in and you set a record today, it's down to 44 degrees, I'm proud of you, Hashem says. Don't hesitate, I'm going in with you. And then I'm coming to shul with you. And then I'm going to prepare those shiurim with you. And then I'm going to be in that meeting with you. And then I'm going to be in that aggravating thing or that difficult thing or that joyous thing or that great news, I'm just, I'm with you. I'm with you. I'm with you all, Hashem says I want to twin, I want to be enmeshed, we are like wicks that are intertwined, we're going to shine bright and illuminate this world, we are in it together. שויתי ה' לנגדי תמיד means histavus, histavus. Histavus, the Baal Shem Tov made famous but it preceded him is the idea shaveh, shivisi, everything I experience, equanimity. I don't get, I don't get too dramatic in any direction. We spoke about this, was it last week I guess after the election, where I said to be a Jew of faith is to not be too depressed when an election didn't go your way and it's not to be too gleeful when it went the way you thought. Because none of us know exactly what's supposed to be. So we could be grateful and hopeful and optimistic, cautiously optimistic, but don't be intoxicated on glee as if you know the future. Moderate. That's what histavus is. Histavus is equanimity. What's equanimity? Equanimity is, it's all equal to me. That's the great book by our friend Moshe, Rabbi Moshe. It's all equal to me. It's all equal to me. I don't get too bent out of shape in any direction, why? Because it's all from Hashem. Shivisi Hashem, my life is intertwined, it's a wick. Tefilla is not prayer, tefilla is, I'm asking you these things Hashem, why? Because we're going to be in it together, right? I don't know if your kid is, God forbid, home from school sick one day and has to come with you for that day. So what do you do that morning? You say, okay, here's what we have in store today. We have to go to work, we gotta drop this thing off, we're going to the dry cleaner, we gotta go to Publix, we have a meeting, we've got things. That's what we're doing today. Why? Because whoever's going to be with you for the day, you say, here's what's on tap today. So Hashem, tefilla is, Hashem, here's what's on tap together today. We gotta give the Ramban shiur, we gotta give the Emuna shiur, we got a bunch of meetings, we got Hashem here's what we have on tap together today. That's tefilla. It's not please give me what I need, what I'm asking you, you're just a means towards my end. We're not using Hashem. Tefilla is, I want to intertwine our lives. I want to become two wicks that are forming a candle. Shivisi Hashem, you are in front of me always. I don't go through anything in my life alone, you are always by my side. אדם כזו ודאי יעשה כל המוטל עליו לעשות על פי התורה. When Hashem is right by your side, you're not going to neglect what you know is his need, what you know is his ask. You're not going to disappoint. ובזה יש לבאר מה שמנה הרמב"ם את האמונה למצות עשה. Now we can understand, says the Tiferes Shmuel, why did the Rambam count living and having emuna as a positive commandment, as a mitzvas asay? לכאורה אם מדובר במי שמאמין באמונה שלמה שיש בעל הבירה ויש דין ודיין על כל המעשים אותו אין צריך לצוות על האמונה. ואם מי שאינו מאמין רחמנא ליצלן שיש בורא עולם אטו אם יצטוה להאמין בה' האם משום כך יתחיל להאמין? What a bizarre mitzva. The mitzva to take lulav and esrog, I understand. You don't have to be into it, you don't have to be feeling it, just go to the daled minim shuk and buy daled minim and shake it. Shofar, buy the shofar, blow the shofar. Chanukka is next holiday, set up the menorah, light the candle. I got it. But what kind of a mitzvah is emunah? If you're a person who examined all the evidence and you've concluded there's a God, you don't need a mitzvah. And if you're a person who says there is no God, I don't see him, I don't feel him, I don't believe in him, oh, oh, oh wait, but there's a mitzvah? Fine. You're not going to subscribe to him because it's a mitzvah, so who does it help? If you already believe, you don't need a mitzvah. And if you don't believe, a mitzvah is not going to get you to believe. So why does the Rambam count emunah as a mitzvah? ולפי הנל יש לומר שבאמת הרי כל אדם יודע שיש בורא עולם שהוא בעל הבירה אבל מצות אמונה היא שנעבוד על עצמנו להרגיש אמונה חושית את האנכי השם אלוקיך לפניו תמיד ובחינת שיויתי השם לנגדי תמיד. It's a big chiddush of the Tiferes Shmuel. The Rambam, if you're going to hone in and better, more accurately, more precisely define what is the Rambam's mitzvah of emunah, it's not emunah to know there's a God. That, examine the evidence, you'll know there's a God. And if you examine the evidence and you don't believe, the mitzvah is not going to get you to. So why do we need a mitzvah? The mitzvah is not addressing the knowledge, the evidence. What's the mitzvah addressing? Live, demonstrate, feel, filter it down from your head to your heart. Don't leave it just up there. Make it experiential. Make it part of life. Live it, live it, live it. If there's anything I've tried to drive home to myself, I have to tell you, living with emunah, I should write my own email to myself and then read it. Because living with emunah has changed my life. From this morning when the platform didn't work to stream to being stuck in traffic to being whatever, it just doesn't faze you. Shivisi Hashem, hishtavus, I have a better translation for hishtavus. It's not equanimity, which you need a dictionary to look up, but the better translation is that nothing fazes you. It doesn't faze you. Now, again, you could be fazed. If Iran launches hundreds of ballistic missiles, if you're not fazed, you should get your head examined. There are circumstances in life it's okay to be fazed. It's okay to be fazed. But I mean chronic being fazed. Things don't faze you. You need the direction. Don't be too gleeful and joyful, be grateful and hopeful and optimistic. Don't be too depressed and despondent and negative and pessimistic. Equanimity. Just don't be fazed. Don't be fazed. Live an unfazed life, an unfazed life. The Gedolei Yisrael that I've had the privilege of interacting with in my life, they are unfazed. When you spend time with them, they're carrying the world on their shoulders. They're big people. They're big people. But first of all, whenever you're with them, you have their full attention, and they seem unfazed. They're just moderate and thoughtful and unfazed. There's not drama in either direction, in either direction. And that's what a life of living emunah, not just in your head, filter it down to your heart. And I think tragically, with no criticism of my educators, because I had a magnificent, wonderful education and I'm super grateful for it, but, but it lacked and too many educations still today in Jewish education lack. We teach a lot of yedia. Open the Chumash, open the Gemara, open the Mishnah Berurah, open the halacha. A lot of yedia. Hashem this, Hashem cares how you separate the jelly beans, Hashem cares how you make the tea on Shabbos. He cares. I want to make very clear, I'm on the team of he cares. I'm not minimizing. He cares, it matters, it's important. Get it right, let's grow, let's improve in those areas. He cares. I'm on that team, I believe it, I live it, I teach it, I preach it. I care, he cares. He also cares that we don't just have a yedia that he exists. How does that come down to the heart? Where's the hargasha? Experiential emunah. And you know where that comes from? Teachers can also give a hargasha, but their main job is the yedia. They model the hargasha, but their main job is the yedia. Where the hargasha comes, the feeling comes, is in the home. Is in the home. When children grow up and hear their parents all the time, im yirtzeh Hashem, b'ezras Hashem, chasdei Hashem, thank you Hashem, or I protest you Hashem. It's okay for a child to hear a parent screaming at Hashem, crying at Hashem, like Avrom in our parsha with Sdom. Hashem, how could you do this and where are you? It's okay. It's okay to hear that too, because it's engaged with Hashem, it's in conversation with Hashem, it's living with Hashem. What will a child look like who from the age they can be in a car hears their parents say, as you pull out of the driveway, Hashem, get us to our destination unscathed, and then they take out their phone and start texting? No. Hashem, Hashem, get us to where we're going without traffic and safe. How long would it take to utter that half a sentence every day when you pull out of the driveway? Right? Let us get, let us arrive safely. Hashem, let us arrive safely. That child is not going to be the same as the child who may know Shas ba'al peh, who may know Tanach ba'al peh, who may know halacha ba'al peh. All virtues we admire and we encourage, but the child Ever? Ever. Please Hashem, thank you Hashem. Why are you doing this Hashem? Where are you Hashem? He'emanti ki adaber. He'emanti ki adaber. All the Rebbes say, He'emanti ki adaber. The emuna will come when you talk about Hashem. When we talk about Hashem. It's not only our children who need to hear us doing it, we need to hear ourselves doing it. Hashem, come on, help me find a parking spot. Hashem, thank you for that perfect parking spot. Hashem, please let this go well. Hashem, thank you for helping that have gone well. Hashem, I need you. Hashem, why is that happening? How could you? Enough, the hostages have to come home. We have to hear ourselves, He'emanti ki adaber. Emuna behushis, emuna in practice, not just biyedia, not just in our head. So what a chiddush. The Rambam counts emuna as a mitzvah. We asked, you need emuna to be a mitzvah? If you don't believe, making it a mitzvah won't make you believe. If you do believe, you don't need a mitzvah to believe. So what's the purpose of the mitzvah? Says the Tiferes Shlomo, the purpose of the mitzvah is, yedia you can do on your own. Examine the evidence, read the books, consider yedia, knowledge of God's existence, that you have on your own. Now there's a mitzvah, take that knowledge, put it into practice. Let it come alive with all of your senses. All of your senses, let it come alive. I'm in שולחן ערוך אורח חיים Siman Aleph. How does the whole שולחן ערוך, the whole Code of Jewish Law begin? Interestingly. Interestingly, right? I don't know if we teach this in school, we skip right to the practical stuff. How to separate the jelly beans, how to make the tea, we skip right to the practical stuff. What happens if you're late to shul, which Hallelukahs do you skip, what happens if you forgot משיב הרוח ומוריד הגשם, again, I'm all for it, it's all important. But that's not how Rav Yosef Karo when he starts his שולחן ערוך, when the Mechaber begins the Code of Jewish Law, which is supposed to be all these laws, dry, minutia, detailed laws, how does he begin the whole Code of Jewish Law? שויתי ה' לנגדי תמיד הוא כלל גדול במעלות הצדיקים אשר הולכים לפני האלוהים. Jews everywhere for all time, here is your law book. You ready? First law: live with God in your life, see Him everywhere, and don't get phased by anything. Practice hishtavus. שויתי ה' לנגדי תמיד. Walk with Hashem, feel His guiding hand on your shoulder, feel His hug, see His wink, know that He's with you. כי אין ישיבת האדם ותנועותיו ועסקו והוא לבדו בביתו כישיבתו ותנועותיו ועסקו והוא לפני מלך גדול because all of your movements and all of your sitting at home and all of your activity and all of your occupation is not the same when you're sitting at home alone as when you're walking with the King of Kings. ודיבורו והרחבת פיו כרצונו והוא עם אנשי ביתו וקרוביו כדיבורו במושב המלך כל שכן שישים אל לבו שהמלך הגדול הקדוש ברוך הוא אשר מלא כל הארץ כבודו עומד עליו ורואה במעשיו. You're not going to tell me that you're going to look the same, speak the same, act the same when you're sitting in a private room with nobody watching as when you're in the King's palace with the King by yourself. No, the King is by your side, He's walking with you into the doctor's office, into the boardroom, into the operating room, into the shul, into the supermarket, into the gym, into whatever you're about to watch to relax. He is by your side. Halacha Aleph. That was Halacha Aleph. What about the jelly beans? What about the tea? What about the daled minim? What about how to build a sukkah? Don't worry, we're going to get to all that. We're going to get to all that. But before we do, you need to know the background, the backdrop, the foundation, the platform, the stage to build the sukkah, to blow the shofar, to shake the minim, to light the Chanukah candles. The stage of life to do all those mitzvos first is שויתי ה' לנגדי תמיד, know that there's a God, and He's not some concept, He's not academic, He's not in principle, He's in your life. Feel it with all of your senses. ויסוד הלכה זו שאין מספיק מה שאדם יודע ומאמין שיש בעל הבירה. And the yesod of this halacha is, אין מספיק מה שאדם יודע, it's not enough. Not enough to know. ומאמין שיש בעל הבירה. It's not enough to know there's a Creator, there's a first cause, it's not enough to know. אלא הוא צריך להרגיש שהוא עומד ממש לפני המלך הקדוש ברוך הוא ומי שמרגיש כך לא יבא לידי חטא. To know it, to live it, to feel it. Vezoi mitzvas ha'emuna. המצוה הראשונה שמנה הרמב"ם ועבודה זו היא עבודת חיים להתעלות בזה יותר ויותר. This is a job for life. You've never arrived. You're never done, you're never finished. We're constantly growing and climbing higher and higher in that feeling, in that equanimity, in that hishtavus, in that unfazed life. Unfazed life. Okay, there's traffic. Okay, the camera didn't work. Okay, this thing's disappointment. Okay, I have to withdraw from the primary. Unfazed. Why? Why am I unfazed? We are perfect peace with the outcome as part of God's will. If I have to translate שויתי ה' לנגדי תמיד, thank you Marco Rubio for the translation, we are supposed to, meant to. live a life that we are in perfect peace with the outcome as part of God's will. That's the translation of Hishtavus, of שויתי ה' לנגדי תמיד. And that we're excited about what he has planned for our future. That's how we're meant to live life. ולפי זה יתבאר גם מימר הגמרא and with this we understand we're going to end with the Gemara in Berachos. כשחלה רבי יוחנן בן זכאי נכנסו תלמידיו לבקרו כיון שראה אותם התחיל לבכות. Amru lo talmidav, his students said, נר ישראל עמוד הימיני פטיש החזק מפני מה אתה בוכה? They came to visit him at the end of his life on his deathbed, why are you crying Rebbe? אמר להם אילו לפני מלך בשר ודם היו מוליכים אותי because if I was coming before a king, a human king, certainly ועכשיו שמוליכים אותי לפני מלך מלכי המלכים הקדוש ברוך הוא חי וקיים לעולם ולעולמי עולמים אם כועס עלי כעסו כעס עולם אם אוסרני איסורו איסור עולם אם ממיתני מיתתו מיתת עולם ואיני יכול לפייסו בדברים ולא לשחדו בממון ולא עוד שיש לפני שתי דרכים אחת של גן עדן ואחת של גיהנם ואיני יודע באיזו מוליכים אותי ולא אבכה. If I came before a king, flesh and blood, where everything about him and our interaction will be temporary, I'd be afraid, and I'm coming before God, the King of Kings, and He is omnipotent and infinite and perfect, and if He gets angry, it's eternal anger, and if He imprisons me, it's eternal, and if He kills me, it's eternal death, and I can't simply, I can't appease Him with words and I can't bribe Him with money and there are two options, I'm either going to Gan Eden or I'm going the other direction, and I'm not going to cry? Amru lo, so his students said, Rabbeinu barechenu, Rebbe, give us a Bracha. אמר להם יהי רצון שתהא מורא שמים עליכם כמורא בשר ודם. And what was his Bracha? May you live with awareness and awe of God as you do of human beings. Amar lo talmidav, עד כאן? אמר להם ולואי תדעו כשאדם עובר עבירה אומר שלא יראני אדם. Chazini sidi, that the Bracha, the greatest Bracha, he was on his deathbed, this was the last Bracha, this was the final message, and what was his final message that a person should live כפי שמרגיש את חברו כשהוא לפניו to live a life of Emuna, to be talk in conversation with Hashem all day long, all day long. Hashem, help me, Hashem, why is this taking so long, why isn't this working, please make it work. It's in conversation with Hashem all day long. Sometimes it'll be yes, sometimes it'll be no. After the 7:30 Minyan when I give that Ramban shiur and it was not working, the technology, I said, everybody, ask Hashem right now to help it work. And they did. Or at least they humored me and made me believe they did. And did it fix it? No. Why? Because for whatever reason He said no, and that's okay. Why? Because I'm at perfect peace with the outcome as part of God's will. It wasn't meant to work and that should be the hardest thing that I face this day and all of us ever face, it should be the hardest worst things. But again, the reaction to something not going the way you wanted is talk to Hashem. He'emanti ki adaber, we're in a conversation. הלואי שיתפלל אדם כל היום כולו means not in Shul with a Siddur but halavai wherever we are, whatever we're doing, we're talking to Hashem all day long. Talking to Hashem in carpool, talking to Hashem in the supermarket, talking to Hashem we're baking the cake, talking to Hashem negotiating the deal, talking to Hashem preparing the shiur, talking to Hashem, we're talking to Hashem, our whole life is one long conversation with Hashem. That was the biggest Bracha, that was the biggest Bracha רבי יוחנן בן זכאי could give his students, and that's the Bracha I give you and me. I bless us all that we have an endless conversation, that we see and feel Him, we don't just know Him, that we fulfill the Mitzvah of Emuna by not just being academic, but our putting it into practice, that we're able to live an unfazed life, that we're at perfect peace with an outcome because we know it's God's will. Whatever those outcomes are, He should open all the doors, but if He closes one, get excited to see which door He'll open next. We should have בשורות טובות ישועות ונחמות. Please remain as we do every week, if everyone stays, we could finish all Sefer Tehillim twice in five minutes for the hostages, for our precious soldiers. Have a wonderful Wednesday.
