Transcript
Okay good morning boker tov, welcome back to Living with Emunah. Thank you for your flexibility as we've had to rearrange our schedule this week. If you want to get bonus material, extra ideas, and most importantly be aware of our schedule, join the WhatsApp group rabbiefraimgoldberg.org/whatsapp. The Emunah series is generously sponsored by Dr. Zavi and Bella Morgan in memory of our dear friend Rabbi Dr. Brian Galbut, zichrono l'vracha, and in memory of Bella's mother, Dr. Ellen Shanzer. We remain incredibly grateful to the Morgans for their generosity. Also this morning's shiur is sponsored anonymously in honor of the birth of our beautiful daughter, mazel tov to the anonymous people, they should have a lot of nachas from their anonymous daughter who should not be anonymous and they should have only simcha. We should all have only simcha and after a very, very difficult day yesterday and a continued difficult day today, we should please God hear only besuros tovos, we should hear good news for Klal Yisrael. I want to begin as we always do with some emails, we'll dive into a new text, we're going back to Rav Itche Meyer, back to a beautiful piece to get us ready for Elul and for the special days, though whenever you're listening it's relevant, not only to this time of year, but first I want to share, I got in one of our emails and I didn't, I failed to previously share it so I want to read it to you and also made copies so you could take with you. One of our Emunah listeners wrote a poem about Emunah based on her experiences and I want to share the poem and make it available to you. My plans had set up so perfectly in my mind but boom there they go with some plan you design. I can calculate and plan to my heart's content but I can only work with situations that are heaven sent. I just need to let go and let you take charge, your plans overshadow mine they are so real and large. Every morning as I prepare to embark on my day, I wish I could choose to live life my way. If I could live my life according to my plan I would be lost because I'm a mere man. If I could choose when and how everything would occur my life would simply pass by in a blur. I'd get rid of the sorrow, the hurt and the pain, but I can choose to dance in the rain. No more uncertainty, stress or doubt, but I can choose to refocus on what life's really about. If I was you I'd send the yeshua my way, without hesitation there's no time to delay. But if I was you the world would be a big mess because I have no clue what buttons to press. It takes superhuman strength to relinquish control and believe that each hurdle makes me more whole. My brain is limited so I can't understand, I am so tiny yet you encompass the whole land. For thousands of years you've been running the show with love, care and perfection as only you know. The highs and the lows through each up and down, it's my job to turn to you and restore your crown. Hashem you are my king, planning what's best for me, v'hu kaili, I need to let your plans be. I'm sorry my emotions block my clarity and sight, but it's actually a sign that I'm doing all right. I'm a mevakeshes, how I want to know your ways, like Moshe Rabbeinu who was filled with your praise. When I search for you, struggle and even dare to question, when I wonder what will be with a twinge of pain and rejection, it's a sign I'm turning in your direction. I know you're here, I want to feel your protection. Hashem please clear my mind of all these bushes and trees, help me live with acceptance of your plan, simcha and serenity. Written by a mevakeshes Hashem trying to live with Emunah, somebody who's going through some challenging times in her own life and expressed it through this beautiful, beautiful poem. There are copies here, if you'd like to take a copy, re-read it, take another look at it again, sing it, say it, write a melody to it, but it's, it's worthwhile, so thank you. Okay I want to share a few Emunah emails, the Emunah emails are why you come back, I know that, not for me, it's why I come back, so I want to share them with you and then we'll get back into our text, a new text for today, I'm really excited about to get back to Rav Itche Meyer. Hello Rabbi Goldberg, I've been listening to your shiur for a while and try to attend in person when I'm in Florida. This past Sunday at two in the afternoon my husband asked me what's for lunch. That question comes with the standard answer, I quote from my good friend's mother, for better or worse but not for lunch. So I offer him an acai bowl and off we went to get them. We ordered our acai, I went to sit outside at one of the tables. One table over sat a young woman in shorts and a bathing suit top talking loudly on her phone. I tried not to eavesdrop on her conversation but at one point I did hear her say Israel will take care of you. My husband joined me with our lunch and she continued to talk on the phone. When she hung up she approached our table. She was very upset, she was crying. She asked if we heard the conversation. I told her all I heard was that Israel would take care of it. She proceeded to tell me that her grandmother was supposed to visit from Israel today and was diagnosed with cancer. She continued to tell us that today's world everyone hates us. At this point I noticed she's wearing a tiny Magen David. She looked up and there we were clearly Jewish, my husband a big yarmulke, me a headscarf. At this point I said the first thing that came to my mind. I told her it was a wink from God, he would take care of her grandmother and watch over her. He's always present looking out for us. Living with Emunah gave me the right tools to answer this young woman. I asked for her grandmother's name, told her I'd daven for her. She told me her name, רחל בת פיגא זיסל, and she was named after her great-grandmother. Guess what I replied? My name is also Faiga. Thank you for amazing shiur helping us see the hand of Hashem in everyday life, gives us the tools the answer how to daven for someone else. This next email is from one of the sons... the children of the person for whom our shiur is dedicated each week, one of Rabbi Dr. Galbut's sons. Hello Rabbi Goldberg, can't begin to tell you how much chizuk I derive from listening to your shiur every week, knowing how much Torah is being learned in my father's memory and zechus inspires me to no end. A few weeks ago, I had a hashgacha pratis story that took place I want to share with you. A friend and I decided we wanted to do something adventurous this summer. Being Yankee fans, we decided to drive to Tampa to go to the Yankee game. The night before the game I was walking out of Mincha Maariv when I noticed a guy from my block who I thought could use a friendly word. I felt a motivation to connect with him and wasn't going to let the fact that I was in a rush to get home stop that. This is clearly Dr. Galbut's son, Rabbi Galbut's son, because that was Brian, always a smile, always a connection, never in a rush when there was another Jew who could use a pick me up. Knowing that he's also a Yankee fan I decided to go over him and say something like, going to Tampa tomorrow to change our luck as the Yankees had been in a slump. He immediately stopped and he asked me dead serious, you're going to Tampa tomorrow? I'm driving up there myself with a U-Haul to bring materials for the eruv there. Maybe you can help me. I thought this was too coincidental to not be divine sign to help him. Who would have thought that we'd both be driving from Boca to Tampa on a random Thursday in July. Baruch Hashem my friend and I were able to assist him as it turned out the job itself would have been nearly impossible. We road-tripped together in the U-Haul, heard a lot of great advice stories from him, listened to the parsha perspective, learned with emunah. We got to Tampa, dropped off the materials at the beautiful kollel there, and of course made it to the Yankee game as well. Just wanted to share, thank you so much for being an inspiration to us daily, yada yada yada. But a beautiful thing, all because he went over and saw someone who was down and could use a pick me up and went to go check in on him and it turns out they were driving the same four-hour drive away and he was able to help him because nothing is coincidental, random or chance, everything is by design. Next email from somebody who is here this morning and part of our emunah story. Dear Rabbi Goldberg, as you know I found my emunah and love for Hashem very late in life. You know there's no such thing as late in life, it's never too late to find Hashem, it's never late to find ourselves, it's never too late to become the people that we were meant to be. It's a huge mistake that people make thinking, I'm older and I'm advanced and I'm set and I'm fixed in my ways and it's too late. It's never too late. It's never too late. Age is just a number. It's never too late to be who you're meant to be, never too late to lead the life you're meant to lead, it's never too late to do what you're meant to do. The best, our best is yet to come. It's the saddest, one of the greatest tragedies in the world are the people who live in the past, who think their best is behind them, their growth years are behind them, their leaving a legacy is behind them, their forming their brand is behind them, our best is always yet to come. Franklin Lloyd Wright, was that his name, the great architect? Yes, I've told the story many times. Frank Lloyd Wright. I've told the story many times. Frank Lloyd Wright at the end of his life and the end of his career, accomplished world-winning, award-winning architect was asked, of all of your designs, of all of your buildings, which is your favorite one? And he answered, my next one. My next one. And for all of us, our next davening, our next learning, our next chesed, our next Rosh Hashanah, our next Yom Kippur, our next Shabbos, our next time with a friend or time with our family is our best one. It's not behind us. So there's no such thing as late in life, it's all when it's meant to be. As such I've been working very, back to the email. As such I've been working very hard to find ways to connect with Hashem even more and to discover what he would like me to do with this tremendous gift of faith. In the meantime, I try to find his hand daily in my life as I did this past weekend. When I was in shul on Shabbos morning I had two usual thoughts. One was that it was so uplifting to be surrounded by so many people expressing their deep love for God. The other, by the way, that in itself we take for granted. If you grew up going to shul, it, first of all, you may not have been surrounded by people trying to connect to God. You might have been surrounded by people who were just doing it because socially that's where they had to, someone made them. You know, it's a beautiful thing if a person feels that in shul they're surrounded by people connecting to God. That's a wonderful thing. It says wonderful things about the people and about that shul. In this case, Baruch Hashem, happens to be ours. But it's not necessarily, it's not necessarily a given. And we can lose sight of that. Think about it, you could lose sight of that. What a gift it is. How many people out there are living in a world, when do they find themselves surrounded by tens or hundreds or a couple thousand people on a campus who are there because they're trying to connect to God and to each other and to our history and to our destiny and to our timeless Torah and to our traditions. Like Dayenu, that in itself is unbelievable, it's enough. That's remarkable, that's extraordinary, that's amazing, it's amazing. I went to a Yankee game this summer. I have a few stories from it, which I'm not going to tell now, but I will say that one of the reflections I had, I have every time I go to a sporting event. You know, especially Yankee Stadium in the Bronx, if you've ever been. You know, Yankee fans are an unusual breed, a rare breed. You know. They're banging on the walls, they're hitting the roof with the bat, and they're cheering for the Yankees on the way in and on the way out, and they're, anyone's wearing a jersey of the opposing team, they're taking their life into their hands. And there's a whole energy in the stadium. And I don't, what does Yankee Stadium fit today? 40,000, 50,000, 30,000? It's an enormous number. And it's packed and it sells out. And there you are in a stadium and the people are high-fiving and hugging when there's a home run, and they're connecting and they're cheering and they're, and I really just felt like these are people who have nothing in common, nothing to do with each other, don't know each other, and this is what's creating the bond. On the one hand, it's lovely and it's beautiful. On the other hand, it's sort of sad. אנו עמלים והם עמלים, Anu mekablim sachar, והם אינם מקבלים שכר. You know, this notion of who is our community, what defines our community? There's nothing wrong with being part of the community of fans, particularly of the most winning team in all of history of sports, clearly the team that Hashem loves the most. There's nothing wrong, that's for you Ms. Moskowitz. There's nothing wrong with being connected to that, but that can't be our central community or our core community or our only community. Nebach when you meet people, sometimes the newspaper has a story of the guy who had season tickets for 60 years and went to every game and sat in that chair and has all the memorabilia and his whole life is defined. It's a hobby, it's a sport, it's recreation. Sometimes it means more to these fans than it does the players themselves. So everything has to be in its place, but one of the things I always feel when you're at that sporting event is how lucky and how fortunate we are that as much as we have fun when we go, and there's nothing wrong with high-fiving and connecting and cheering as you're walking through on the way in and out of the stadium, that's not our life, that's not the sum total of our life. And compare and contrast that l'havdil when you walk into shul. I wish there was the same energy. Now that we have the hot and cold beverages and we're just getting started in the lobby of our shul. You're going to see a lot more being rolled out, please God. But I wish we had that same energy that you're walking through the gate and onto the campus and through the lobby that there is l'havdil at a sporting event, that you're all going to connect and to cheer and to root and to lock ourselves into that same destiny together. It's incredible. So the author of this email, very special person and friend, writes that how grateful she is to discover to be able to be with people. With the first thought, one was that it was so uplifting to be surrounded by so many people expressing their deep love for God. The other was that because I've never learned Hebrew, I have absolutely no idea what's actually going on during the service, which is another thing that we take for granted. If you are privileged and blessed to have had a Jewish education, to have a Jewish education and you can find your way through a siddur, you are in the top whatever percent of Jews in the world. How many have no idea which direction to hold the siddur and what page you're on? And we have at the front of our room a page turner, which many or most shuls do not have. Last week there was a guest, a visitor, a Chassidishe Yid, and he pointed to the page turner and he said, is that the neitz, the shkiah, what zman is that? He wanted to know why is there, why are there numbers in the front of the room, is that telling you sunrise, sunset, what time is that telling you? So I said no, that's telling you the page. And he looked at me like who wouldn't know, like why would you need to know what page you're on? But I can't tell you how often people comment to me who have a Jewish background, who have a Jewish education, that still, also tells you our davening goes so quickly, you could get lost. But to know what page you're on, the gift of knowing what page you're on, the gift in life of knowing what page you're on, is a metaphor of the gift of knowing what page you're on. Back to the email. I darshan the emails, you know, we learn the Rashi on the emails, we don't just read the emails, because then you don't need me, then I could just forward you the emails, and I have to give you an excuse or reason to come. I mentioned to the woman sitting next to me I would love to have a transliteration version of the siddur. She, so typical of the wonderful people at BRS, immediately ran out and found me one. It was indeed helpful, but the page numbers of that Artscroll siddur did not correspond with the page numbers of the siddur that the shul was using so I was still a bit lost. Later that night I mentioned to my husband that Chabad Central had offered a six-week immersion course for reading Hebrew last year. I told Michael I was going to ask the Rabbi if they were thinking of doing the course again. The next day I was looking around for something to read as I was eating my lunch and I picked up something from our mail pile. It was the Beth El Chronicle, which is the monthly member newsletter of the Reform synagogue here in Boca we joined years ago during our first attempt to reconnect with our Yiddishkeit, soon realized it wasn't what we were looking for. For some reason that we never cancelled our membership. I started reading as I was eating and was shocked to read that they're going to have a one-day educational marathon to help congregants read Hebrew. I couldn't believe it. My first thought was wow, and the first words out of my mouth were Baruch Hashem. I couldn't believe that He heard my yearning to be closer to Him that He sent me the blessing. Ironically He provided His answer from what I would have thought most unlikely of places. I didn't even have to put on my emunah glasses to see the miracle. I immediately signed up for the class. Thank you always Rabbi for everything you do, yada yada yada blah blah blah. Thanks to BRS members for welcoming me so warmly into the community. So all we have to do is ask Hashem and very often He answers, but we have to take that first step. We have to show that yearning. We have to ask. Ask and often he will then provide the answer. We'll read one more for today and then get into our text. I'm really excited about it. Please keep sending the emails. Even if I can't get to it yet, please keep sending it. It moves me deeply. You never know when I'm going to read it, when it's going to come out, when it's going to appear in a book. Who knows? But please keep sending them. Because I also think it's good to write it. Just writing it, even if it sits in your draft, is an experience of keeping a diary of Hashgacha. Just writing down, I feel and saw Hashem in my life today is incredibly powerful, incredibly powerful to do that. Hi Rabbi Goldberg, I live in such and such community. I listen to the weekly Emunah shiur. I was turned onto the podcast by my roommate who's from BRS. I always find chizuk from the shiur. It's my weekly reminder Emunah, Bitachon, blah blah blah. Here's some background on my life and therefore the Emunah story, but if you plan on reading the email, summarize. When I was a certain age, my father passed away and my whole life was turned upside down. I moved away and then moved back home at my mother's request. And then I moved out of the house and I found myself without a home for a few months. I finally got an apartment, roommate, a job, and some savings and started to feel like the ground was back under my feet. Started therapy, was working on my relationship with my mother. My mother then got involved with a financial scammer who threw away her children, family, and friends. I have no relationship with her anymore, very complicated. For the past few years, my main personal struggle has been finding my shidduch and starting my own family. Due to the family struggles I've had over the years, this goal has been especially important so I can start a family of my own. While this has not yet happened to me, I have Emunah it will happen in the right time. Today I was thrown another curveball in life. My younger sister, who is my best friend, was diagnosed with cancer. She's kind, caring, joyful. She was about to get engaged. I'm struggling to keep my Emunah. I have to believe that Hashem has a plan, but in this instance I'm having a hard time accepting it. I thought the past number of years of my life contained enough bad things, more than a lot of people go through in a lifetime and I thought I was done. And now with my sister. But I will keep trying to maintain Emunah. I'm working and fighting, but it is hard. And again, why did I read that email? Because it's one of the emails not of, and it worked out and I find and I connected and it was perfect and here's the amazing ending. Here's the email that says I'm going through a rough and a hard time, but where else do I go to find the strength, where else can I lean in, what else can I pull on to be able to find the strength? It's Emunah. It's Emunah. It doesn't make our problems go away, but it gives us the strength and the resilience to be able to navigate our way through them because life is not easier without Emunah. If you think it's random chance and everything that happens to you you're just a victim of circumstance, you're just a victim of randomness, that doesn't make it easier, it makes it harder. When we realize that there is a choreographer and there's an architect and an artist and there's an author who's writing our story, and that this adventure is made up of many chapters and these particular chapters or this first half of the book has been challenging and difficult and painful, but we don't know yet what is to be written, then we can find the strength to endure, to endure. Those emails I always find very powerful and they inspire me to no end. Because when everything's going wonderfully well in life to say, and it all worked out and Hashem is amazing and it's all perfect—it's lovely, it's nice Emunah, it all worked out, it's beautiful. I have an incredible Emunah story that I'm sharing. I'm waiting. I'll find the right opportunity. I can't wait to share from, I heard recently paying a shiva call to the Foxes, an incredible Emunah story. I'm going to share it. But when things worked out well and someone was saved and they were spared and they were healed, it's an amazing story. It's an amazing story. But the bread and butter of Emunah is when it doesn't go well and when you don't know how it's going to end yet and the next part has yet to be written and yet to lean in and dig deep and find that strength. That is beyond inspirational to all of us and we can lean in on it as a hotspot to find the Emunah ourselves when we don't know what the next chapter holds for us, when we don't know what is to come, to see and to remember there are such people and that we can be like them and we can lean on their strength. Okay, we're back in BeYom Darkecha, the beautiful series of sefarim that have been more and more and more that have been coming out. רב איצ'ה מאיר מורגנשטרן is a great tzaddik in Yerushalayim today. A very holy person. It's important to know when you're reading a text and learning someone's Torah, who are they and when did they live? We've shared about him before and even as a young man his own teachers saw his greatness and what would become of him. He's a person who's a great Talmid Chacham and is a righteous person who is in many ways not from this world. I had the privilege to meet with him and to see him and to daven in his Beis Medrash. He's a very, very special individual. And he's trying to lift us all up with him to not live down here but to live up here, to not be stuck in this material physical world of temptation and drive and distraction but to be able to live in a higher plane, to not be a body but to be a soul and to live in a place where we feel Hashem and we're in an ongoing dynamic energy. energized relationship with him. And that's the theme of all of his sfarim is to live with that mindfulness and that intention and consciousness and as we spoke about a couple weeks ago to make bids for connection to Hashem, to feel Hashem's bids for connection with us, to feel when Hashem is winking at us and smiling and giving us that hug, to not neglect it or ignore it, but really to embrace it and lean into it, and to reciprocate it, to reciprocate it with our מאה ברכות בכל יום, with a hundred blessings a day, each of those blessings is to realize, Hashem, this cup of coffee or walking out of a bathroom or understanding that I'm healthy and counting my blessings literally, each blessing is you winking at me. None of these blessings am I entitled, none of these blessings am I deserving, none of these blessings do I take for granted but every one of them is a gift from you. We're reminded yesterday yet again, if you have the same head count in your home at the end of the day, count your blessings. It's not a given. It's not a given. Shortly right now there's a funeral beginning of one of the six, of Hersh. And all each one and the three police people who were killed tragically yesterday because a checkpoint was opened and we were rewarded with the humanitarian gesture of opening a checkpoint that within minutes three police people were slaughtered, one of whom lost a daughter on October 7th in Sderot whose family now has to suffer two losses within a year. Nothing is a given. Nothing is a given. Nothing is a given. And this morning is the funeral of a young soldier 20 years old from Petach Tikva who was killed on Shabbos in Jenin who was in yeshiva in shiur with my nephew in his hesder program in Kiryat Shmona who they let his classmates out of the army so 20-year-olds could go to the funeral of their of their classmate, of their friend. Nothing we can take for granted. So every day that you're alive and you're awake, there are frustrations and there's miserable, you know you talk to people doing renovations on their home, oh it's a disaster, it's miserable, it's such a pain. And yeah, you know every renovation is is complicated and difficult and people don't show up or follow through and the choice didn't work out and it's the biggest blessing on the planet. If you're doing a renovation on your home, you should sing and dance the Kazatske every day, what a blessing that that's your biggest problem, that that's your biggest problem, that it didn't match exactly, that it came and was missing the part, that the person said they'd be there at 9 AM and they didn't come till 11 AM and that's your problem? Dance the... it's annoying, it's annoying. But let's use the right language. Let's put everything in perspective and in its right place. Let's not call things that aren't a disaster a disaster. Let's not say something is a disaster when it can be easily fixed and when it's a blessing to have that very problem to begin with. I tried ordering it and they were out of stock, I wanted that clothing and they ran out, it's a disaster! It's a... you're so... you... if that's your disaster, you live in the most blessed life on the planet, on the planet. So Hakadosh Baruch Hu is winking and nodding and smiling and hugging us every day with every parking spot and every green light and every flight that takes off, with every morning that everything in us is working and our hands and our feet and our eyes and our ears and when we see children, if we're blessed to have children, we're blessed to have grandchildren, the nachas of that of that moment. My kids are going back to Israel today and they're alone also, you know you first they announce because we're going to pay back Hamas somehow by shutting down the country, not exactly sure the thinking, but they're going to do a big strike. So right when all the students are coming back to Israel for the year and the kollel yungerleit and their families, they're going to shut down. So there's panic because I don't know if you know but there's only one airline flying to Israel and you can't get a flight for the month of September. It's not you can't get a cheap flight or a good flight or the right time flight, you cannot get a seat on a flight in the month of September. So first there's the panic they announce they're going to strike, the airport shut down. No, the airport's going to be an exclusion. No, everything with the airport. No, not the American flights. No, that's a roller coaster ride which can age you very quickly unless you say Hashem, this is so fun, this is such an adventure, I have no idea how it's going to turn out. Will we fly, will we not fly? You know part of my family was rooting for the for the strike to happen in the airport so that our beautiful babies can stay in our house for a few more days or a few more weeks, the those who want to go back are rooting for it to be open, but you say Hashem if this is my problem I'm so blessed, everyone's healthy and well and it's just a question of when they'll fly, what a blessing. We'll figure it out. Whatever's meant to be. If it's fixable and solvable, it's a blessing, it's a wink and a nod and a hug from Hashem. And how do we respond? That's the מאה ברכות בכל יום, a hundred blessings a day is how we respond. Because as we spoke about two weeks ago if a person makes a bid for connection and they're ignored, instead of turning towards you turn away or turn against that bid for connection, that marriage is on its way to being disaster. dissolved. That is the beginning of a predictor of divorce. The ratio of bids for connection being responded by turning towards versus turning against or away is a predictor of divorce. Hashem is making bids for connection all day. He's making a bid for connection. It was pouring rain except for when you had to walk to shul. For 15 minutes it stopped raining right when you needed to walk. He's winking at you, he's giving you a hug, he's nodding at you. So did you just say oh what a coincidence it stopped raining when I needed to walk to shul? Did you not even notice? And you just walked to shul and then you were there and you were dry and you didn't have to take the poncho out of the packet and you didn't even notice? That's Hashem calling hello! And you're just head down and you're still scrolling and you don't even hear him. You're not even answering him. You're not even answering. 100 brachos a day is Hashem, yes, I heard you loud and clear and I'm responding to your bid. I'm talking right back to you, I'm connecting back with you. So I want to learn Rav Itche Meir by Yam Darkecha on Elul. But if you're listening to this because I constantly meet people who say Spotify is the greatest shatchan in my life, Spotify I don't know exactly how the algorithm works, people are on Spotify and they stumble across Living with Emunah and they start listening wherever they randomly picked it up, so if you're starting now and it happens to be January but you're listening to our shiur on Elul, don't turn it off. This is relevant all year long, it's relevant whenever you hear it. We're on page chaf-vav in Yam Darkecha. הקושי שאנשים מתקשים בעבודת ימי חודש אלול נובע מכך שחושבים שעבודת התשובה היא להתאמץ ולהצליח להגיע לשלמות המעשים וההנהגות. Says Rav Itche Meir the following. We just turned the page already. He says the problem, the problem comes in Elul. The problem comes because people walk into this time of year where we bench Rosh Chodesh, Rosh Chodesh is tonight, tomorrow, and Wednesday. Wednesday is the first day of Elul. And we've got the month of Elul to get ready for Rosh Hashanah. We've got 40 days till Yom Kippur. Yom Kippur is 40 days from Wednesday. It's time. I heard Rav Avraham Schorr say yesterday, if we knew, if we knew what these last 11 months would be, if we knew what yesterday would be, and we could go back, would we not do Elul differently? Think of last Elul that we coasted through and we took our time and we said we'd catch up and we'll improve and we'll change and we'll grow and we'll transform, we'll get to it, we'll get to it. But if we knew then what we know now, what these 11 months would bring, would we not have lived differently last Elul? So this Elul don't wait. Who knows what next 11 months will bring and who knows what's going on right now? Don't wait. Right now, live this Elul. But the problem is when people hear the word the month Elul, what do they think? I've got to be perfect. I've got to daven perfectly and never gossip and slander and not look at the wrong things and dress the right way and be mindful of every bracha and I've got to never raise my voice and get angry and I've got to be absolutely perfect. And perfection is the greatest obstacle to good. Because if you think I have to be perfect, להצליח להגיע לשלמות המעשים וההנהגות, I have to become perfect, so you're not even going to get started. I have to eat perfectly, sleep perfectly, I have to be perfect in my communication and conversation, so the first second you encounter imperfection, which is going to be after a couple minutes because we're after all mere mortals and humans, so then you give up all together. That's not what Elul is about. Elul is not about looking at every aspect of life and holding ourselves to the standard of being perfect. That is a misnomer, a misconception, Elul is not supposed to inspire fear and awe. I'm afraid lightning's going to strike if I don't do the right thing, then another terrible October 7th is going to happen, something's going to happen on my family, the other shoe's going to drop in my house, so I have to be perfect because I'm afraid of lightning striking. That's not what Elul is about. אני לדודי ודודי לי. Elul is about love. It's about love. It's about connection. It's about yearning. It's about a relationship. It's about a relationship. You know a person could come to their spouse and say I've had it, you're impossible, you don't care about me, the way you mistreat me, I'm filing for divorce unless you radically change then I'm out of here. And that's one approach. And the other is a person can say you know I miss you and I want something special and I want to take our relationship from good to great and I want our home to be filled with greater love and what can we do and how can we how can we make a commitment and what can we adopt and what can we begin that will bring greater love, that will bring greater love? Both of them are trying to create transformation, but the transformation can come from a sense of ultimatum, threat, fear, punishment or the change can come from love, affection, and the yearning to come closer. So we think Elul is the first. Hakadosh Baruch Hu saying be a good boy, be a good girl, this is it, your last chance, turn it around, be better, be perfect or lightning's going to strike. is going to strike, but that's not what Hashem is saying. What Hashem is saying is, "I love you and I see the best in you and I know what we're capable of having and I want to be close. I'm here. Be close to me. Be close to me." באמת מהות התשובה היא לשוב להשם יתברך. The truth is of teshuva is, what teshuva's really all about, is returning to Hashem. דהיינו לשוב לחיות חיי נשמות להאמין בו יתברך ולחיות אתו להדבק בו. Says Reb Itche Meir, Reb Yitzchak Meir, Reb Itche Meir. Says Reb Itche Meir, you know what Elul's all about, what teshuva's all about? It is about connecting and gluing yourself to Hashem, loving Hashem and feeling Hashem, and having a relationship with Hashem. The core avoda, the core effort of Elul is improving our sense of emuna. To feel Hashem talking to us and to start talking to him. To feel the presence of Hashem all around us and to cling to him and to connect to him. And when that alert comes through that says, "airport shut down, strike in Israel," to say, "Okay, Hashem, I surrender to you. Whatever your plan is for whenever you plan to bring me back. Whenever I'm meant to get there is when I'll go." Not, "What's going to be? And it's a disaster and it's devastating." If a person responds that way, that is a failure of Elul. Elul, Elul, Elul should invoke a sense not of awe and fear and trembling and crippling and debilitating, Elul should be filled with love and affection and connection and trust and faith and yearning and closeness and intimacy. And what's the measure? What we've been learning the last several months, emes ve'emuna. Emes is just, "Yes, I know Hashem and yes, I've heard that and yes, I can even repeat that and yes, I go to that shiur and yes, I sign up for that newsletter and that WhatsApp and that... Yes." But emuna, what happens when you get the alert that your flight's cancelled? What happens when you get the alert that there might be a strike? Are you peaceful and tranquil and serene and you say, "Hashem, whatever's in store, whatever you have planned, whatever it is meant to be." Or do you panic and fear and anxious? Elul is about, teshuva is about, what's the root of the word teshuva? Lashuv. Teshuva means answer to a question. We are the answer to the question. But the root of the word teshuva, lashuv, means to return. And what are we returning to? We are returning to lachayos neshamos, a life of souls, not a life of bodies. If you're living a soul existence and your soul is yearning and connecting to the source of all souls, Hashem, then you're living one plane, one way. And if you're living the body existence, then you're living a place of material and physical and you're living a different existence. Lashuv, we want to return, we want to... I do a fair amount of supportive marriage counseling. What I mean supportive is, I always refer to a competent therapist, trained, licensed, I just whatever play whatever role that I can to be supportive. But I often, often when sitting with a couple who are in crisis, I'll ask each of them, "Why did you marry the other? What did you make you fall in love? What did you see? What was redeeming? What did you admire? What drew you close? What was the connection?" And it's been a long time in many cases since people remembered or thought about that. In many cases it's been a long time since they articulated it. Since they said something nice or saw something admirable or gave something praiseworthy to the other. And then I'll ask, "Was there a time that you did feel the love and the closeness and the connection? Was there a time that you were happy and that you dreamed of growing old together? When was it? And what made you feel that way? And how can you return to it? Lashuv." Teshuva is, how can we go back to that relationship with Hashem? Was there a time that we felt his presence? Was there a time that we were connected with him? Was there a time that we were on fire in our davening, in our learning, in our Jewish lives, in our Jewish practice? The Shabbos meant something and Yom Tov meant something and brachos meant something and emuna meant something. And now in Elul we're working on our marriage to Hashem. In Elul we're working on our marriage to Hashem. And teshuva is lashuv, it's to go back, it's to return, it's to restore, it's to reboot. ואף שחלקי התשובה בפועל הם חרטה על העוון וקבלה על העתיד לתקן המעשים. And even though there are technical mechanics and there is a formula of teshuva, the Rambam's formula of teshuva is that in order to truly repent, you have to have regret about the past and you have to confess what you did wrong and you have to accept upon yourself not to repeat it in the future. מכל מקום כל אלו הם רק תנאים בתשובה. אבל עצם המהות הפנימי של תשובה, but the core of teshuva is לשוב לחיות עם השם יתברך. I want to go back to living with you. I want to go back to feeling your presence. I want to go back to seeing you in everything. I want to go back to feeling a connection. מתוך הכרה במציאותו ומלכותו. If a couple's in crisis, so the mechanics of repair, if a person, particularly if they've violated a boundary, if there was an infidelity, a distrust, which doesn't just mean in the extreme example, it could be a financial infidelity, it can be all kinds of things. So of course you have to go through the mechanics of confessing, admitting, of apologizing, of sincere remorse, there has to be regret, there has to be accountability, there has to be a commitment to not repeat it in the future. One needs all of those things in place, but that's not what restoring the marriage are all about. The foundation of restoring the marriage is, there's been a barrier, there's been a wedge put between us and I don't want it there. I want to be close, I want to live and breathe, I want to be two halves of a whole, I want to think about you and you to think about me, I want as my life happens to be desperate to share it with you and I want you to confide and share yours with me. I want to grow old together, I want to laugh together and cry together. Ah, in order to get back there, I have to go through this formula and these mechanics, I have to admit what I did wrong, I have to apologize, I have to express regret, I have to make a kabbalah, accept that I won't do it in the future, for sure. I can't just come and wipe the slate clean and say, "You know, I really love you, let's just pretend that didn't happen, let's make things better, let's move on." That doesn't work. That doesn't work. Doesn't work. That just pushes it under the carpet and makes it pile harder, and it's going to make it erupt even bigger. That doesn't work. Those mechanics are critical, and they can't be skipped. You have to go through this formula. That's what the Rambam says, it's true in a marriage and it's true in our relationship with Hashem. Person has to go through that formula of admission, of remorse and regret, of accepting responsibility, and of making a commitment, here's what I'm going to do to work on it to make sure it doesn't happen again. But why is that all happening? The background, the backdrop, the foundation, the canvas of all that happening is because I want to go back to being connected. I want to go back to this emotional and spiritual and physical intimacy that we and we alone share. And the way, the path, the rote, the roadmap back there is this formula. But that's where I want to be and that's where I want to go. Sometimes in a relationship, sometimes you're meeting with that couple and they're checked out and you say, "Where do you want to be in a year from now? Where do you want this to end? How do you want this to end?" It's a question I often ask a couple that I'm trying to be supportive of. How do you want this to end? Because it's only if you want it to end in that result, now we can talk about how you get there. But if you say, "You know, I think I want it to end, we part ways, we have irreconcilable differences, we've grown apart, I need to go my own way." It still may be important, particularly if a boundary has been crossed or violated, to take responsibility, regret, remorse, apology, and so on and so forth. But what's the backdrop to it? Is the goal to be together? So Rav Itcha Meyer here is reframing what teshuvah, and you can do teshuvah in January, you can do teshuvah in September, you can do teshuvah Elul and you can do teshuvah in the middle of Cheshvan, in the middle of Kislev, in the middle of Tevet. So this is relevant all year round. But teshuvah, repentance, is not about some formula, it's not a God. We, nobody did this intentionally, but the people in our early life who painted a picture and an image in our minds that what is teshuvah: God is scary and He's punishing, and He's going to catch us and He's going to get us, and we're going to pay the piper and things are going to go wrong in our life, and once a year we come to Him and say, "I'm really sorry for being a bad boy, bad girl, here are the things I shouldn't have done, and I'm going to try to do better, even though we both know I'm going to go back to the way I always do it," and I'm just saying that because I don't want You to punish me, I want to get out of timeout, I want to get out of this punishment, this consequence, I want my phone back, I want my debit card filled, I want my, so I go through this exercise of coming in front of You and saying I'm so sorry, but I don't really mean it, and that's what's portrayed, right? Because otherwise He's ready to strike, He's ready to punish, He's ready to take us down. And that's what we've been taught with this image of this fear. But that's not the image we should have. Says Rav Itcha Meyer, the fear is a loving Hashem. He's loving and He's waiting, but He can't want a relationship with us more than we want one with Him. It depends and relies on us. We have to want that relationship. Takes two parties to have a relationship and a healthy marriage, and Hashem is waiting. And that's our challenge and that's what we should think about these next 40 days and well beyond. It's not just as I go through the list of actions, what have I done wrong, what have I done wrong, right, what could I do better, which we should do, because in a healthy marriage, in an amazing healthy marriage, you go for coffee at Starbucks and you sit and you say, "I love you, you're amazing, I just want to bring to your attention, not because I'm catching you or criticizing you, but because this would make me feel better if your socks went in the hamper instead of next to..." the hamper, that I would feel that you really care about me because I've been asking you for 27 years to put the socks in the hamper, not next to the hamper. You know what? That's important to you? I love you. And that makes you not feel loved because I'm ignoring something you've asked so many times. I don't want you to feel that way. Absolutely. So yes, there are taking stock and inventory of what could I do better, what can I fix, what can I be more of aware of, what can I be more intentional to. But all of that is to contribute to feeling connected and intimate and in love. And that's the goal in our relationship with Hashem. Teshuvah is about, so a teshuvah without working on emunah is not teshuvah. To just say I'll make brachos and I gotta work on my dress and I've been gossiping too much and al cheit and al cheit and I gotta do this and I gotta do this, but I still never talk to you or hear you talk to me or feel connected to you or have a relationship with you and I'm not really involved with you, that's not teshuvah. At the core and foundation, the prerequisite to teshuvah is לשוב לחיות עם השם יתברך מתוך הכרה במציאותו ומלכותו. I want an ongoing intimate, close, communicative relationship with you, Hashem. I want to live a life I'm talking to you and I hear you talking to me. That's what I want. How do we get there? Let's get to work. Let's read a book or go to a seminar, or let's meet with a therapist. Let's get to work. I'm ready to do the hard work. But that's the goal, that's the destination, that's where I want to get. And the pasuk says ושבת עד השם אלוקיך. Just like the pasuk says veshavta, return ad Hashem Elokecha, כי כשהאדם חוטא ומתרחק מהשם יתברך. You know when a person ignores or neglects or hurts their spouse, so they'll find themselves distanced from their spouse. If you were asked to take the garbage out and you ignored it, you were asked to put your socks in the hamper and you didn't, if you were asked to not raise your voice but you kept losing your cool, if you were asked to not call a name but you kept calling a name, you're going to be distanced. The other person's going to withdraw. They're not going to want to be connected. They don't want to spend time. They don't want to physically be close. They're not going to confide. They're not going to be connected. And Hashem is the same way. Hashem says, I have this ongoing love with you. Here is what I'm asking you to do. And when you neglect it, when you ignore it, when you violate it, so I pull back. I don't feel close, I don't feel connected. And what's teshuvah? ושבת עד השם אלוקיך, עכשיו הוא שב אליו ודבק בו וחי ומרגיש אותו. I want to come close, I want to be connected. I want to confide, I want you to confide in me. I want to be much more intentional and responsive to your needs, to your asks. כמו לשון הפסוק אם תשוב ישראל נאום השם אלי תשוב. We're supposed to return to Hashem. Hashem is waiting for us. We are returning to him. We'll pick up im yirtzeh Hashem next week with os bais with the next piece in here. But this was the foundation. We're in this time period we're working on things, don't get lost in the details. The details are critically important. But don't get lost in the details at the expense of what this is really all about. May we hear בשורות טובות ישועות ונחמות. Please take a copy of the poem if you like. Please remain for five minutes, we can finish all of Sefer Tehillim in five minutes, and who knows if it's your Tehillim that will make the difference? So please remain for a few more minutes.
