Transcript
Good morning Boker Tov everyone, welcome back to Living with Emuna, wonderful to be back together again. If you want to be up to date on our schedule, this summer will be somewhat erratic, on and off. So to stay up to date, to get to the link to live shiur, bonus material, make sure you're part of our WhatsApp group, rabbiefremgoldberg.org/whatsapp. You can join the WhatsApp groups for all of the shiurim. Our Emuna series is generously sponsored by Doctors Avi and Bella Morgan in memory of Rabbi Doctor Brian Galbut and in memory of Bella’s mother, Doctor Ellen Schanzer. I have to tell you, I just came back from Israel, a short trip to Israel. And the incredible Schanzers—the incredible Schanzers—the incredible Morgans who’ve been sponsoring our shiur for several years, I had never met them before. So I went out to dinner with them, and they are extraordinary people, amazingly generous but also extraordinary. They moved to Israel four years ago, and Avi is the head of cardiac transplant at Tel HaShomer Hospital, and Bella’s an accomplished psychiatrist, and they’re both doing amazing things. And we’re very, very grateful for their sponsorship. Their son, who is in the IDF and maintains a beautiful journal on WhatsApp that I’m now part of. Really amazing people and I’m so grateful for their generosity and for their friendship. This morning’s shiur is dedicated לעילוי נשמת רחל לאה בת מרדכי צבי whose Yahrtzeit was the twenty-second of Iyar שתהא נשמתה צרורה בצרור החיים as well. So, lots of Emuna stories. We want to do our Emuna learning and get back into the Torah, but I want to share some emails and stories and stories with you. I’ll save my own for later, maybe another time. Let’s start with some others. Hi Rabbi Goldberg, my husband and I love the Emuna shiur. We constantly listen to it together in the car. We have a family Emuna chat, it unites the family in such a positive manner. This morning in the shiur—this was the last shiur we gave two weeks ago—you quoted a coach who talks with tremendous Emuna. You said that you never, ever see Jews talk about God the way this coach does. No fear, unabashed, unapologetic, every interview, all he talks about is God. I was talking about the coach of the Boston Celtics, you remember, a couple shiurim ago, who’s so God-centered and thanking God and grateful for God and put on a t-shirt right when they won the championship, "First We Thank God," and all about God. Thank you. And I mentioned that story once when I was at a Starbucks and a group of women said, "Let’s pray on it," and demonstrated their faith so publicly. And Jews, would we ever do that? We’re so apologetic and defensive and quiet and shash still and don’t wear it on your sleeve and don’t let anybody see, and so on. So the author of this email writes, in my experience, plenty of my frum Jewish peers talk like that constantly. No fear, unabashed, unapologetic. Every time they qualify in the Jewish Women's Overeaters Anonymous meetings. We all talk like that because we know it's true. Our lives as recovered overeaters are totally dependent on being gifted by Hashem with abstinence. Maybe we aren't being interviewed on public media, but when my sponsor lifts the pot of water with food from the sink to the stove she says, "Hashem, thank you for helping me lift this pot of food." Before I enter my house, I try to envision the cloud hovering over my head and I ask Hashem to help me feel His presence in my home. We all acknowledge constantly that our abstinence is a gift from Hashem one day at a time. Listening to the Jewish meetings, you might sometimes think you’re on a mini Emuna shiur. Thanks for the shiur. A lot of us recovered overeaters listen to it to help strengthen our connection with Hashem. So I stand corrected. The notion that Jews were so apologetic and we’re so shash still and we’re so quiet, it's not true. At least there's one group. There are many others. But it's true, within the recovery community, of which I am in awe—all the segments of the recovery community—it's also God-centered and Higher Power and surrender to a Higher Power and we can't do it without the Higher Power. And that is what informs and inspires so much of the conversation and the work and the steps. And certainly that is a community from which we can learn so much, including He'emanti Ki Adaber. The more that we talk about God and reference God, the more we talk about Hashem and feel the presence of Hashem, the more faith that we will feel with Hashem. Couple quick emails and then we'll get to one powerful. Dear Rabbi Goldberg, thirty-six days until we’re supposed to fly to visit my in-laws in Canada from Eretz Yisrael. As you know, El Al is the only carrier that has been flying through the war without interruption. Since the flights with El Al were out of price range, we booked with another European carrier. The other day my fourteen-year-old came home and said, "Mommy, I heard they might be starting a war in the summer in the north," which she implied meant there'll be no flights. The whole time I’ve been saying to myself, I don't know if the flight's going to take off. But the other night the anxiety hit. I just said to myself, go listen to a Living with Emuna shiur. First five minutes of everyone's plane stories calmed me down. Thank you to everyone who submits great airport stories, and of course Rabbi Goldberg for all your flight stories. So, I don't know, we seem to be obsessed or we get so many emails, or I’m always traveling and coming back with those stories. It’s good to know that we have a support group called, you know, Flyers Anonymous, whatever. Everyone who panics and gets anxious and gets worried about your flights getting canceled or delayed or missing the connections, then it's good to know that these stories actually mean something and they make a difference, which is—which is a wonderful thing. There's so many. Dear Rabbi Goldberg, can't get enough, blah, blah, blah. I’ve been forwarding an episode to family and friends for months. Your cadence, the tone, are easy to listen to and even at times when you're speaking in Hebrew I can understand before you translate. I’ve started to give a Dvar Torah each week at my Shabbat table from what I picked up from the shiur, and I believe the message will resonate with my teenage and young adult children. Thank you, blah, blah, blah. Quick story. I procrastinated buying a dress for an upcoming friend's daughter's wedding, possibly avoiding spending the money, possibly avoiding trying on a bunch of dresses in the unflattering dressing room lighting, or maybe I just didn't want to deal with them all. I was looking for a modest dress for a black tie wedding and everyone said to try shopping online. I said no way it's not for me. It was the week before the wedding and I ran around to many stores, shops and boutiques and nothing fit my needs. Too short, not modest enough, not dressy enough, too expensive. Finally I had to go to the dreaded mall. On the way I turned on Living with Emunah and realized how much perspective I get from your podcast. I'm looking for the connections to Hashem in everything and sharing with my children the differences between emes and emunah. I circled the parking lot searching for a spot and when I finally found one and got out of my car, I was a bit anxious to start the dress search. But lo and behold, parked right next to mine was a white minivan with a Behind the Bima car magnet staring at me. There you were. Not me, it wasn't my car, but there you were. I literally laughed out loud. I know we live in the same town but still out of all spots. That was a wink from Hashem. I wound up finding a beautiful appropriate dress within my budget, had a wonderful time sharing my friend's simcha. Thank you for the perspective and all that you share. So those little moments, you parked in the right spot and there's that magnet and it's winking at you. And that's life. Whether it's at the airport or cars or at the dreaded mall, at least I agree with that part, at the dreaded mall. Hashem is winking to us all the time. Question is are we acknowledging and winking back, do we feel that smile when things worked out. Is it amazing. I'll tell you I just flew back and I went through security at Ben-Gurion. And you know I'm a pretty seasoned traveler. I like to think of myself as a professional. Whenever I'm with a member of my family and they leave the water bottle in their carry on and we've got to wait, I say what is this amateur hour? What are you an amateur? Is this your first time traveling, this water bottle? Amateur hour. So I'm a little bit humbled and humiliated to admit, I go through security and I'm seasoned. I got my whole setup and my bags and through the thing and time allotment and I'm on my way. Ben-Gurion, you get through security, you go down that ramp which is so, it's not sad enough and bad enough that you're leaving Israel, but you're walking by all those hostage pictures. And what blends together is just a number. Now you're looking at every face. It should take three hours to walk down that ramp. Should pause at each one, kneel down, say a perek of Tehillim and give a kiss and think. And you look at some of them and they're covered in writing and in messages and it's just beyond beyond heartbreaking. So I make my way down that ramp and I come and you know I'm early and I'm ready and my setup and what I'll do and all of a sudden a guy comes running after me. And he says, Rabbi Goldberg? I said yes. He said, you left your laptop at security. I wanted to take it for you and give it to you but of course they wouldn't let, but you got to go back and get it. I said wow. I wouldn't have until I was sitting in my seat in the plane and opened up my briefcase to start, I wouldn't have known. I left it. And I don't want to say the laptop is my life, but there's a lot of what I do on that laptop. So I said to him, how did you know that was me? He said oh I watch your shiurim online, I thought that might be you. And the second that I saw the laptop I said I gotta get it to you. Anyway, I made my way all the way back up that ramp. Just to learn how out of shape I am. But all the way up that ramp. And then they said you can't get at security, you gotta go to information, and then you go to information, whatever, it was a whole story, got the laptop back, no problem. But felt a wink from Hashem that the timing of the airport, I arrived just in time, returned my rental car just in time and got online just in time that someone who knew me would be behind me. Because had anything been off by a moment. Had I had one more red light on the way to the airport. Had it taken a little bit longer at the return of the rental car. Had anything been off by one moment and that person not be behind me. I'd still be sitting here being one of those amateurs posting: Anyone coming from Israel who could bring a small package? Right? I would be one of those people figuring out how to get my laptop back from security. So the point is, not all stories are at the airport but most are. But the point is that Hashem is winking to us in the parking lot at the mall, in our own kitchen, in our own home, online and in our own lives, professionally and personally. There are little winks. That was his wink. That I timed it all for you perfectly. The red light, the return of the rental car, where you fell online, who'd be behind you. It was all timed perfectly so that you'd be able to get the laptop back. And you know the question is there's nothing more obnoxious. Are you ever waving at someone and you're like, why aren't they acknowledging I'm waving? I'm waving, I'm winking, I'm smiling, why are they looking right back past me and ignoring me? You know what that's called? It's cruel. The Rambam writes that a person who lives their life with a sense of keri mikreh, a person who lives their life, he writes it in the laws of fast days that why do we fast? Because of calamities of our past and we acknowledge that nothing that ever happened is a coincidence. And if a person ignores and dismisses and you live a life like Amalek who Amalek's entire philosophy אשר קרך בדרך לשון מקרה Amalek's whole attitude is that everything's coincidence and random and chance, then the Rambam writes that's achzariyus, that's cruelty. And you can't help but wonder why is that middas achzariyus? It's you're wrong, it's erroneous, you're confused. It's all from above, it's not random, it's not chance. You're wrong, you're ignorant. But why is it cruel? Why is it cruel? So my brother-in-law Joseph who spoke at our sheva brachos many years ago, mine personally, which now was several years ago. He suggested and then he related to marriage, but he suggested because if someone's calling you, if someone's speaking to you, if someone's trying to communicate to you and you ignore them and you dismiss them and you reject them, it's cruel. It's beyond unkind, it's downright cruel. So Hashem is speaking to us through nature, through history. He's speaking to us through His providence. He's speaking to us through the way our lives unfold. He's winking, He's smiling. And when you don't smile back or wink back, when you don't acknowledge I got it. I got it by the way in both directions. I got it that it's from You when everything worked out well and wonderful and isn't it fantastic and I got my laptop and all is well and good, wonderful, thank you for the wink. And it's also to acknowledge I got it. There's a message. Something happened that I don't want, that I don't prefer, that I don't like and I wish were different and I don't know why and I'm not going to try to play God, but I am going to understand that it wasn't random or chance and how can I improve and how can I grow and how can I be different and what can I do with this to be a better person to help others. Then you're also acknowledging. So for the good and for the bad to say I know You're talking to me, got it. Duly noted. Point acknowledged. Understand. To not, to look past God, random, chance, coincidence, oh what a coincidence that guy knew me and he got, what a chance, want to hear a coincidence? It's not a coincidence. He'emanti ki adaber it's emunah. It's emunah in every direction Hashem is winking from us. Next, we're going to get to the learning in a moment but just what happens when we took a week off, the pileup of emails. I'm not even going to get to all of them. Shalom u'vracha Rabbi, hope all is well, I continue to look forward to your weekly emunah class, blah blah blah. Want to share a strong emunah moment with you that happened to my family recently. We were in Uman for Shavuos. It was a magical experience. Uman, Uman, Ukraine for Shavuos, home of Rebbe Nachman of Breslov. The plan was that on Friday after the holiday we would go to visit Rebbe Noson's kever, the primary student of Rav Nachman of Breslov was Rebbe Noson. It's in Breslov. We ended up heading out late in the morning and Waze told us it would be a three and a half hour drive. I was feeling anxious about the late hour, our very limited stash of snacks and traveling on Friday. But my husband really wanted to go. All good emunah stories where something's going to go really bad include, "but my husband", but my husband really wanted to go. So I decided the right thing to do would be to respect his decision and support him. Long story short, turns out Waze and Google Maps are a tad confused on that side of the world. We were already in Breslov and only 15 minutes away from the cemetery when Waze instructs us to take a right turn onto a dirt path. We wouldn't dare question Waze. So we did as we were told assuming Waze knows how to do its job. Ukrainian roads aren't great at the best of times, so we really didn't think much about it. We figured this route was exceptionally muddy and rocky but all would be well. Soon enough we realized we had made a grave mistake. The path narrowed, took a sharp drop and disappeared all too quickly. By the time my husband chapped we were headed for a dead end it was much too late. He tried to turn around but ended up just getting even more stuck. The car was sloshing about in oozy mud and there was no way out. One wheel was a meter high in the air, the car was sideways, you had to hold on to your seat not to slide downward. It was raining hard, our provisions had long run out, my phone was almost dead, kids were restless, we were low on gas, Shabbos was in a few hours and the people in the area couldn't care less about us. I was lowkey freaking out. That's a great expression. Yeah, lowkey freaking out. And yes, only lowkey. Because the mantra that popped up in my head and I kept muttering to myself throughout this whole experience was a Yid is never stuck. That was a couple weeks ago. Remember we talked about the message of Lubavitcher Rebbe whose yartzait is coming up, a Yid is never stuck. We are right where we're meant to be. Ironically we were pretty dang stuck, but it resonated so deeply with me right then. I repeated it over and over again. Quite loud to my husband, to the kids and even to a couple of stray chickens that passed us by. Once we got the kids out of the car, the initial shock of the gravity of the situation wore off, I truly felt so calm, reassured and content with knowing I was exactly where I needed to be in that moment. I didn't understand why it was happening, I definitely didn't want to be in that situation, but Hashem purposely chose for me to be right there, right then, and I knew with emunah shleimah that He had things in control. I just had to trust, chill out and do whatever I could to help the situation. It was a long ordeal and there were moments of ups and downs throughout it all, but with Hashem's help I was able to focus on the knowledge that Ribbono Shel Olam loves and cares for me more than I could imagine and just need to go along for the ride. This clarity enabled me to stay far from any blame, resentment, stress, impatience, panic, and undignified behavior. I was so grateful to have the class's weekly reminder and reinforce this truth. Constant emuna needs constant work. So you always remind us the ending of the story is less chashuv than the emuna moment itself. That being said, I can say that gratefully we survived to tell the tale and even got back to Uman on time for Shabbos with ten minutes to spare. Feeling so blessed to have this awareness with whom to share a story with. Thank you for all that you do. And here is the car stuck in the mud in Uman, but they got out and they made their way back. Okay. One more story and then we will learn back Rav Moshe Shapiro zechuso yagen aleinu. One more story because I met this young man actually on this trip and he sent me this email that he had written long ago but sat in his draft and didn't send it until now. To Rabbi Goldberg, good morning, I'm writing to you to express appreciation, the emuna shiur, my love, but a relatively recent story that happened to me. It's a long but it's a good one. Earlier this year, I was on top of the world. I was about to get married. I was about to commit to go through all of life, all the highs and lows with this person. I was about to commit to a life of accepting everything about the other, a life of giving and cherishing the other. In other words, a married life. After over a thousand hours of waiting on the edge of my seat till the special day, my wedding day, I was so excited and thrilled and ecstatic that I had already packed my bags one week before my wedding and planned out every minute of where I'll be on my wedding day, making sure to utilize every moment of such an auspicious and meaningful day. Then, after basking in the emotion that cloud nine has to offer, after tasting the highs of deciding to commit to one another, after such a long journey, around three months, smiley face, it all came to an end. Not with a wedding, but two phone calls, a meeting, and a text goodbye. I couldn't believe it. I just turned into someone with a broken engagement. One second I was asking friends to speak at my aufruf, and the next I was waking up lost, lonely, rejected, abandoned, humiliated. I was conscious and cognizant of all of those feelings. What I did next is only a gift from Hashem, a gift from Him that I know could only be achieved with His help. I took a mental step back and smiled. I smiled at what an amazing family I have, what incredible friends I have, how good Hashem has been to me every second of my life. Hashem has showered me with so much good, He has taken care of me in such a special way at every junction of my life that I choose to see my broken engagement not as a loss or something to get depressed about, but as a continuation of all of His endless love and care for me. Not as another sad statistic to today's young generation, but an opportunity from Hashem to grow and become even closer to Him than I've ever been. It may sound shocking that I feel this way. I shocked myself. But I want to share my journey of how I reached such a powerful mindset and how I learned to think better than I feel. I would wake up early, caffeinate with kavana, sit on my couch, and feel all that pain. I forced myself to think of all those hurtful feelings, every interaction, every negative feeling I had. I dug for every ounce of negativity I had in me, pulling it all into my consciousness. I accepted it all, leaned into it all, embraced it all, and said, 'Yes, it hurts, and yes, it's insanely painful, but every ounce of pain I feel, every single ounce, is exactly calculated by my Creator with a master plan I can barely understand.' The emuna that I use literally saved my life, because I could have been down and broken and hurt. Some people don't get out of bed for weeks when they're in a similar situation, and I definitely felt like doing that. But emuna created a beautiful air to breathe that tasted like nothing is random, nothing is chance, but instead everything is exactly calculated by someone that has more love for me and care for me than I could comprehend. My whole broken engagement could become an expression and a demonstration of Hashem protecting me and saving me from something that could have been so wrong and disastrous for me. What an act of love Hashem has showed me at the last second, that I could feel like I'm the luckiest man if I want to. And that's exactly what I chose to do, feel calm, relaxed, and positive through it all. Now, the story has a catch. My mother advised me to wait to write this because she said, 'The story will be so much better when you find the right one and there's a happy ending.' I told her, 'Ma, you're definitely right, but even though I don't see the ending, I know it will be good, one million times better because all I've tasted is Hashem taking such good care of me, and I can't help but think how good it will be.' Yes, my mother's back to sifting through the resumes, and a very small part of me is wondering if I'll ever get married. But I just feel that pretty soon I'll find the right one and be so happy and thrilled that I'll be looking back laughing and saying to myself, 'If only I had full emuna in Hashem, I could have shown Him how I'm always trusting in Him, always believing in Him, plan not mine. If only I showed Him just how committed I am to Him. It was an opportunity that was so unique.' And that's exactly how I was thinking in those painful times. The difficulty is such an opportunity because it won't last forever, and now's my chance to double down in my efforts to show Hashem I'm there with You with all my heart, no matter what storm You'll put me through. Now, this is love. This is what I was so excited to show that person, and this is what I'm so excited to share with an even better person Hashem has hand-selected for me. Don't you So anyway, it sat in his draft in his inbox. He sent it to me. He is now Baruch Hashem happily married and living in Yerushalayim and I met him. Oh how nice. Baruch Hashem. But that's not when he wrote it. He wrote it with all those feelings and all that experience when he was going through that hard time. Really amazing. I'm grateful to him, to all those whose emails I read today, to all those who sent emails but we didn't get to them today. Please keep sending them. Selfishly send them because they inspire, motivate me and you see that everyone's email includes thank you to the previous emails that got me through whatever difficult moment I was in from getting stuck in the mud to fear of a flight getting canceled to a loss of a laptop to a broken engagement and wondering if you'll ever get remarried. But how brilliant an insight was it that I know one day I'll find the right one, I'll look back and understand this was all for the best and I'll have squandered the opportunity to have grown in that time by being so bitter and resentful and angry and sad instead of using it. So instead of fast forwarding to when I'll be regretful retrospectively, why not live right now and take advantage of the moment and see it as an opportunity to lean in to grow, so powerful. Such a special young man, it was wonderful to meet him and I'm grateful he took the time. We're on page Chaf-Gimmel, Sefer Reia Emuna of Rav Moshe Shapiro זכר צדיק וקדוש לברכה on the Yud-Gimmel Ikkarim of the Rambam. We've been making our way through his chapter called Emet VeEmuna, the difference between Emet and Emuna. Emet is the objective knowledge, the truth of Hashem's existence that doesn't need you. The fact that Hashem exists doesn't care about your feelings about him. Emet doesn't need your Emuna. It's a truth, it's a fact, it's axiological, it's ontological, it's every other fancy word you know and it doesn't need you. Emuna is, are you faithful to that truth of Emet? And that's the test of Emuna. Emet is a truth, Emet is a fact, but are we faithful to that fact? Do we demonstrate, do we live, do we perform, do we breathe, do we lean in? In those moments do we look for opportunities? This is an opportunity. I could yell at my moron husband who wanted to go to Breslov, a three and a half hour drive in a backwards country in the middle of a war with an app that may not work, or I could say this is where I'm meant to be and it'll all work out. Each of these crises are really opportunities, they're really invitations to lean into that relationship of Emuna and to say I'm not happy and I don't know how it will turn out, but it's an opportunity to come closer to you and to be better and to grow and to learn about myself. So Emuna is are we faithful to the truth of that of that Emet. Then we spoke about Amen. I don't know if everybody did their homework, I've been working on it and I'm proud of my children who've been working on it and helping me, we help one another to make Brachot out loud so people can answer Amen Bekol Kocho. Amen, Kel Melech Ne'eman. I am faithful, I believe, ditto to the Bracha you just said, Shehakol Nihiyeh Bedvaro, whatever Bracha it is. Amen, I believe, I believe. Amen, I see him, I feel him, I surrender to him, I'm in, I'm in. We're all part of the recovery world, we're all recovering and growing, we're all surrendering to a higher power, we're all trying to recognize that we can't do it without him. And Amen is throughout the day, we make a Bracha a hundred times a day, we answer other people's Brachot a hundred times a day. A hundred times a day I say, Amen, I surrender to you higher power, I accept you, I believe you, I can't do it without you. I'm in, I see you, I feel you, I love you. So to answer Amen Bekol Kocho, Kel Melech Ne'eman and that's how we open the gate to Gan Eden. The way that you open, which is normally locked, the way that we open the gate to see that Garden of Eden that we all want to be. Who doesn't want to be sitting under a palm tree sipping a, most people picture Gan Eden, they're picturing Boca Raton. Not in the summer, not in the summer, in the winter, in the winter. But in the summer it's more like the opposite, it's a little hot, it's a little warm, a little bit warm. But in the winter it's Gan Eden. Who doesn't, so we all want to be sitting under a palm tree sipping a pina colada basking in the light and the radiance of Hashem. We want Gan Eden. How do you get a glimpse, how do you open the window, how do you open the gate? Amen Bekol Kocho, Kel Melech Ne'eman when we invoke, when we live Emuna. So because it's Gan Eden to be stuck in the mud in Breslov and be calm, that's Gan Eden. And it's Gan Eden to be in the airport and say Hashem you just winked at me and I got my laptop back and thank you. And it's Gan Eden to have a broken engagement and instead of wallow and sit in bed, to say I'm going to lean into this pain, I'm going to experience it, I'm going to cry and grieve and mourn with it, but also recognize it's from you because you've got a bigger plan in store for me. That's a taste of Gan Eden, a taste of Gan Eden. So to live a life with Emuna is not willful ignorance and it's not the opiate of the masses. To live a life of Emuna is to taste Gan Eden, the Garden of Eden. It's a beautiful, pleasant, harmonious life. It's a life of emotional, physical, mental health. and well-being. And it's something that will improve all of our lives. I don't know anyone who says, "I tried this, I worked on this, I lived this, eh." Everybody says, all these emails and those who don't for every email hopefully there are many who aren't writing. I run into people all the time who go, "You know, I have a story I really should write." I say, "Write it and send it!" But everybody's living with that. That's also the beauty of the family WhatsApp group. I left a message on our family WhatsApp group at Ben Gurion Airport with the laptop story because you're looking for the stories. You're looking for the wink and the smile from above. You're looking to feel His presence in our life. He'emanti ki adaber, to speak about and to talk about and to feel His presence. And it's a beautiful life. It's a beautiful life, it makes life an adventure. And it's not all well and good and hunky-dory and doesn't all have a happy end. But even when it doesn't, now there are the tools and the strength and the resilience to be able to go through. Listen to today's Behind the Bima tonight coming out. In Israel I sat with the Zimbalists whose son Eli Moshe was killed in Gaza three weeks ago. They had just gotten up from shiva for the loss of their precious soldier son, an incredible young man. And we spoke about it. I asked them, "Do you regret making aliyah now that you've paid the price with this loss? And what's your relationship like with Hashem that He snatched from you someone so precious, irreplaceable?" Listen to that emuna. Listen to that resilience. Listen to that strength. They don't smile and say, "Well everything's from Hashem and it's for the best and He's got a plan and everything's great." It stinks and it's horrible and I'm crying and I'm grieving and I'm mourning and there's forever a hole in my heart. But no I don't regret and yes I feel His presence and there is a master plan. It gives us the tools and the strength and the comfort to be able to endure and to be able to get through what we need to. כנגד שכר של אמונה we're in ot zayin, letter zayin in the bottom of the page. כנגד שכר של אמונה opposite the reward for emuna בפתיחת שערי גן עדן. מצאנו שחסרון אמונה מונע מהאדם האפשרות לזכות בשכר גן עדן. So if living with emuna, if עונה אמן בכל כוחו opens the gate to Gan Eden, then living without emuna, living a life of arrogance and ego. We've shared again from the recovery world, it's not mine, EGO is an acronym for Edging God Out. Oh my God. When you live with your emuna, Edging God Out. There's no room for God in you. The world doesn't have enough space for both. If it's all about you and your ego, what do you mean? This not the way I planned it, it's not the way I drew it up, it's not how I want you to behave, it's not what I want to have happen. It's all about me and my arrogance and my ego and what I want, what I need, and what I expect and what I demand, what I'm entitled to. And when we live with a sense of ego, we fly off the handle, we get angry, we were speaking about that earlier this morning in our Iggeret HaRamban shiur, our 10 minutes of meaning. When we indulge that anger, when we live with rage, rage is Latin rabies, it's madness. And we self-destruct and self-sabotage because our ego, our arrogance, we're Edging God Out. And every time we're tempted to get angry, angry, angry at security. "What do you mean? I'm back here, I left it a minute ago, why can't I just get it? What do you mean I have to go to information about to get?" No, okay, no problem. That's the next stop in the adventure. That's the next stop on the rollercoaster. No problem. I'm not stuck, I'll just go where I'm meant to be to find out if I'm going to get it back right then because that information, they're like, "I called, they're checking if they have a..." what do you mean they're checking if they have a laptop? I just left it in the bin like 90 seconds ago. They have, no problem, no problem, I'm not angry, no ego. When you EGO, Edge God Out. And when you invite God in, then there's no ego. There's, "Okay, what's your plan? What's your plan? Is the car going to get out of the mud? What's your plan? How does this adventure going to end? What happens next?" So we've talked about the positive, when you live with emuna you open the world of Gan Eden. Ooh, what a life. But when you don't live with emuna, when there's ego and arrogance, when you get angry and envious, when you have an inflated sense of self, when you Edge God Out, then you've slammed the door of Gan Eden shut. And you know what you have instead? כל מיני גיהנום שולטים בו. The Gemara says when you live with arrogance then you are living in a state of hell, Gehennom. Or as my kids would say, HE double hockey sticks. HE double hockey sticks. H-E-L-L. H-E-L-L. Because you're not supposed to say the word. But it's okay to say the word because it's the translation of the word Gehennom. So a person who's living in a state of arrogance puts themselves in a self-imposed hell, Gehennom. You know why? Because when someone flies off the handle with rage and anger, when someone's melting down, everybody's like, "I don't know him, I'm not related to them, I want nothing to do with them." Business deals fall apart. Family relationships are broken and severed. A person's not at peace with themself, a person's health deteriorates. Anger, indulging anger, indulging arrogance is self-destructive. And as we mentioned it doesn't say yishlot, then you will be in a state of Gehennom, of hell. It says sholtim bo, you are in a self-imposed state of hell. That's where one is. So those are the two choices. Life of emunah, humble, modest, Hashem you're in charge, you're in control, I surrender, it's all about You, it's advancing Your name, Your mission, why am I here, what am I meant to do? Let's go, let's do this! I'm on a ride of Your adventure! Or it's ego. I'm in control, I'm entitled, I'm in charge, I get all the credit, it's all about me, everything and everyone has to step in line the way I want, then you put yourself in a state of Gehennom. A state of Gehennom, ve'kach amru chazal, and our rabbis say the Gemara in Sotah daf mem chet, אמר רבי אלעזר מאי דכתיב, what is the pasuk in Zechariah, כי מי בז ליום קטנות? מי גרם לצדיקים שיתבזבז שולחנם לעתיד לבוא? קטנות שהיה בהם שלא האמינו בהקדוש ברוך הוא. The Gemara says this is a problem. When do negative things happen, when do we forfeit rich rewards that we could have? When a person indulges the katnut. What is the word katnut? Smallness, smallness, diminishment. And what's the smallness or diminishment? שלא האמינו בהקדוש ברוך הוא. In the failure and breakdown of faithfulness to Hashem when we in that moment thought, oh, I thought I was in charge, I thought it was going to go the way I want, I thought I'm in control, I thought it's all about me. When that moment where we edged God out, that was a moment of smallness. We were our small, petty, childlike, narcissistic, egotistical sense of selves. ופירוש הדברים על פי המהר"ל, the Maharal writes, בעולם האמת לא ניתן שום דבר אלא לפי הכלי הקליטה של המקבל. In that world of truth, in that future world, in that world of truth, in the Olam Ha'emet, לא ניתן שום דבר אלא לפי קליטה. We only receive from Hashem according to the vessel that we are to receive it. If I say to you, I have a billion dollars I want to transfer to you, you are the lucky winner, you woke up this morning and I want to transfer a billion dollars, could you give me the wiring instructions? And you say, I don't have an account. You say, well, I want to, I want to give you a billion dollars, but I don't have an account. So okay, even though I have it designated and ready for you, I have shefa bracha, I have so much light and so much reward and so much goodness and so much blessing, but if you don't have a kli kibul, a kli klita, if you don't have a vessel to receive it, you can't get it, you can't get it. So I have all the money, but you don't have an account, you don't have any way for me to wire it or transfer it, you don't have any way for me to give it to you, then you can't get it. רק עד כמה שהמקבל הכין עצמו בעולם הזה לקליטת חיי עולם הבא. In the world to come, Hashem says, I have so much blessing, so much light, so much reward, so much goodness, I have so much to give you. But you know, how much your account has capacity, how much storage you have, is determined by the choices you make in this world. Everyone fights with storage, right? On your phone, on your laptop, in your Gmail, on your, everyone's always fighting with storage. Okay, are you going to give in and now go up to the gigabyte, now go up to the terabyte, now go up to the, everyone's always like debating, am I really going to pay that? And then you're like, what do you mean? This is like the greatest, this is the greatest deal in the world how little you're paying for actually. Whatever, that's all separate story how entitled we feel about all of this. But, but storage, right? Because we're wrestling with storage. But if you don't have storage, you can't get, you could get the most beautiful emunah emails, if you ran out of storage, you can't get them, you can't get them. You could get the most beautiful love letters, you could get the most beautiful messages from your children, you could get the most incredible things. If you don't have storage, you could have the most beautiful pictures and videos of your family, if you ran out of storage, there's nowhere to put them, it can't receive them. How do we create the storage so that when we get upstairs Hashem has, I have terabytes and terabytes and terabytes of blessing to give you, and you say, but I was cheap, I bought the model with the least storage, I took the free Gmail, I didn't want to pay anything. Hashem says, okay, I guess you don't get it. I guess I'll give it to someone else or I guess it just sits there. And you say, oh my goodness, I can't believe it, why didn't I just pay for the storage? I can't believe what I'm missing out on. But you can't go back and pay for storage once you're upstairs. You can only pay for storage in this world, and once you get to the next world, whatever storage you chose in this world is the room that you have to receive whatever blessing He's going to give you. So that changes everything, right? Now you're like, where do I go sign up? I'll sell my kidney to have enough money to get the storage right now, because I can live without a kidney for the next few years if for eternity I could have unlimited storage to receive all that blessing. So that's exactly how we live. We have to be a kli klita, kach mushpa alav. That's the life in this world. How do I transform myself and mold myself and live a life that I'm a kli kibul? How can I become a vessel to receive? How can I live a life that I have the highest level unlimited storage? storage so that when Hashem when I meet my maker my creator and he says I have so much blessing so much reward so much light I want to give you we don't say actually I'm out of room. How do we live that life here and now? It's hard because we're competing. There's so many distractions and temptations and indulgences and impulses. It's hard. It's hard. It takes the discipline. Ha'perush is בזבז שולחנם שהשפע המיועד להם גדול מכלי הקליטה להם. What does it mean that the Tzadikim Yizbazbez Shelchanam, they're going to waste and squander their table? It means that the Shefa, the flow of blessing Hashem has is more than what the table can hold. Right? Because Chazal didn't talk in terabytes and gigabytes and storage. They spoke in I have such an incredible buffet of food I want to give you the Smorg, but you only have a little folding table so there's nowhere to put it. So I'm here to drop off this unlimited buffet, but all you have is a little folding... all you have is a little TV tray, so all I can put down are the peas and carrots. Because that's the poor choice. בזבוז נוצר כאשר שופך יותר ממה שיש ביכולת הכלי לקבל. The notion of Bizbuz is to squander, to waste. Because what do I do with the food delivery? The guy says I have a truck unlimited food, but you have nowhere to put it. So what a waste, what a Bizbuz, squander and what a waste, what a waste. השפע הנוסף מתבזבז ונאבד ונשאר בידו רק מעט. We've squandered, we've wasted all of the plenty that could have been and all we have left and all we're holding on to is such a small amount. That should be the metaphor, that should be our mentality, that should be our perspective, that should drive how we live, and that should drive the decisions that we're making in this world. How do we choose and live a life that we are that vessel? Now the imagery and the metaphor is so powerful and beautiful because we're meant to understand is not, you know, Hashem has reward for us based on what we earned. No, Hashem has so much love and so much to give, but you've got to be a vessel to be able to receive it, to be able to receive it, and if not it will be squandered. It will be squandered. מה שגורם לכך הוא קטנות שהיה בהם. And what leads to that? What leads to having only a little TV table and wasting and squandering that mass delivery? What waste to... what leads to having such small storage, going cheap, and having so little room and therefore not being able to hold that Shefa Bracha? So Chazal said, Katnut Shehaya Bahem, because of the smallness, the diminishment. הם היו קטנים בכלי הקבלה שלהם הסיבה שלא האמינו בהקדוש ברוך הוא. Small, small. I just got angry at you in the moment that you made us drive to Breslov and now the rest of our trip and the rest of our Yom Tov we're in a fight, we're not talking, there's friction, there's misery, my blood pressure's high, I have heartache, and our kids saw it and watched it and that's how they think marriage goes and that's Katnut. I indulged a moment of smallness. I was small. By the way, I'm not suggesting that in marriage you don't have to actually talk things out and reconcile. There are legitimate differences and one has to communicate and maybe you think that wasn't the best choice and how can we talk about that not happening again? I'm not saying brush everything under the carpet. Emunah solves all, I don't believe in that. I believe in marriage counseling. I believe in taking marriages from good to great. I don't believe that Emunah and Bitachon are the only answer, certainly to clinical depression or mental health challenges. Just have faith and it's all good. I believe when necessary medication, I believe certainly in support, therapeutic support, 100 percent. It's necessary. There's no shame. Absolutely. See my article I just wrote this week about PTSD and the soldier I visited in the psych ward of Tel Hashomer hospital. The invisible wounds and injuries that right now are all over Israel and that we can't help by packing a duffel, but we'll need our support as much or more than any other. I believe in it. I believe in it. I'm not suggesting Emunah to the alternative of it at all, at all. But what I'm saying is so much of the self-destruction and self-sabotage, so much of the misery and pain, so much of the suffering that we go through is the result of Katnut, of our own smallness, our small-mindedness, and our smallness, and our Katnut, our Katnut. Don't indulge that child. Don't be an impetuous child. Don't be an immature child. Don't be a Katan. We're bigger than that. We can see more broadly than that. We're living with a vision. We have Emunah glasses to put on. Don't be small in the here and now. Don't be petty. Don't indulge ego. Be big. Be a big person. Be huge. Be big. See Hashem everywhere. And therefore, steady Eddie, calm, cool, and collected. On the adventure, with the plan. What do we have next? What do I need to do now? Do I need to communicate calmly and work out this relationship? Do I need to go get help in support in order to be my best self, but always calm, cool, collect, be my biggest self, my best self, be huge. Don't be small. We get into these problems when we indulge that impetuous child in us. The katnus in us, the smallness in us. ומקטן אמונה בשבילו כל המציאות היא רק מה שבהשגת ידו ומובן לדעתו. When we're small, it's all everything is what I see in the here and now. What's right immediately in front of me? What's this moment? That's the smallness in me. בשבילו כל המציאות היא רק מה שבהשגת ידו ומובן. גם אם הוא צדיק הרי זה מציאות קטנה ומצומצמת שאינו מסוגל לקלוט את השפע של גן עדן. You could be a tzaddik but still sometimes indulging that smallness, that immaturity, that lack of sophistication, that here and now. Be big, be huge. ככל שגדולים באמונה כלי הקליטה של אדם מתעלה לשפע גדול יותר. The more we grow in emunah, the bigger a vessel we are to receive the greatest bracha. Hashem says I have so much bracha. What's your bank account? I want to transfer billions and trillions of bracha to you. But you gotta have a bank account, and your bank account has to have capacity and storage. What's your what's your email? I have so much I want to blessing I want to send you, that I want to air drop to you. I can't, I'm out of storage. The way we expand and grow our storage is emunah, is emunah. Ve-eilu divrei and this is what the Gemara was saying מי בז ליום קטנות מי בזבז קטנות האמונה. Don't waste and don't squander. Don't leave on the table. You know for a Jew, there's nothing worse than the feeling I left money on the table. I left the leftovers, they threw them out. It's like the worst punishment for a Jew. Throwing out the leftovers? It's like the worst punishment in the world. We pack up the leftover bread that we didn't eat from the you know like what do you mean we squandered? What do you mean we wasted? What do you mean we didn't take advantage? It's the worst, it's the worst. Left money on the table, I could have invested and had a return, I could have held on a little bit longer, I could have stayed and I could have had that opportunity. So there's so much shefa bracha Hashem has in store, but we have to do our part to be the klee kibal. We have to turn ourselves into that vessel to be able to receive. And when we become the vessel with the storage to receive, we'll find Him transferring all kind of bracha that we never ever even imagined. So it should be a good day please God besoros tovos let us hear good news, miraculous news, the hostages come home, let our soldiers return to their families, let all of our tefillos be answered for good collectively, individually and personally and to have a meaningful day.
