Transcript
Good morning, boker tov, welcome back to Living with Emunah. Thank you so much for your flexibility this week in moving our shiur to today. Baruch Hashem, been traveling for simchas, which we continue to travel only for simchas and have to adjust for it. Our Emunah shiur is generously sponsored by Dr. Zavi and Bella Morgan in memory of Rabbi Dr. Brian Galbut, in memory of Bella's mother Dr. Ellen Shanser. We remain very grateful to the Morgans for all that they do. This morning's shiur is also sponsored by Benjamin Shandelson in memory of his maternal grandmother Tzipporah bas Yitzchak, whose second yahrtzeit is coming up the 27th of Adar. So, beautiful that he did that for his grandmother. Thank you to Ben Shandelson for that generosity. And lastly, we are at the tail end, hopefully, that's really up to you, of our annual global campaign. If you are a BRS member, if you are a BRS member, you are more than doing your part and we are grateful for you. If you're not a BRS member but you benefit from what BRS produces, the content you watch, you listen, you read, you enjoy, please let us know by enabling us and supporting us to continue to provide. Today, Thursday, March 16th, today we have a very special opportunity. Somebody is generously matching dollar per dollar everything that comes in today towards the global campaign. Even if you gave, give again, because whatever you give will be matched today by a generous donor. So please take a moment brsonline.org/global and contribute, contribute more, contribute again, and it will be matched. Also tonight, 8:00 p.m. special time, we are having a special marathon live edition of Behind the Bima from eight until who knows what time we'll end. We have on incredible, incredible guests: Lori Palatnik, Alex Fleksher, Rabbi David Bashevkin, Rabbi Aryeh Lebowitz, Rabbi Daniel Kalish. These are all confirmed guests for tonight and some surprise guests who you don't even know, maybe I don't even know who are going to be joining us. Maybe we'll get the rebbetzin to come on. Who wants to hear the rebbetzin on Behind the Bima tonight? There we go. Anyway, all of that is tonight beginning at 8:00 p.m. special time, Thursday night, 8:00 p.m. special marathon edition, where also all the gifts that are given will be announced and dollar for dollar matched. Okay, with that we begin Emunah. So, I'm grateful I continue to get beautiful Emunah emails to be able to share with us, all of us. It gives us chizuk that what we're learning is not academic, it's not theoretical or conceptual, it's practical. It can practically change our lives. When we are in those moments of crisis, big or small, when we focus and lean in and realize this is where we're meant to be and how it's meant to go, then we can, then we can carry on. Trust in God and carry on. I'm not going to read all of them. I'm not going to read them fully. But I will tell you, someone who attends our Emunah shiur, I won't say her name, but shared on Purim morning her husband and she were delivering thirty-six baskets on behalf of BRS. They drove on a street where six boys were playing in the middle of the street, ranging from five to two years old. They did not move as they approached. Husband got out and asked them to move. When we came back one boy about four stood in front of the car, refused to move. Finally he agreed to move. She should have then begun to drive. I should have moved my car forward, but Baruch Hashem I did not. While I should have been driving straight, I was still holding my foot on the brake when I saw a little boy, two years old, running an inch in front of the car past the driver's side of the car to the other side of the street. He was so small I did not see him out the front window of the car until he passed my driver's side window. It seemed after the four-year-old went to the right the two-year-old decided to dash across the street from the right side. I did not want to think what could have happened. There were no parents or teenagers watching. I'm grateful to Hashem watching out for all those that nobody got injured. Sometimes you have to thank Hashem when a, when a disaster is averted. The miracle of safety, security. Every time you drive from point A to point B and you arrive safely, there's a miracle. A car is a lethal machine. Some of the other drivers in Florida, you know, I think it's Seinfeld's routine. You know what the symbol of the state of Florida? It's a steering wheel with two knuckles. You know, like that's, that's Florida. So, if you get from point A to point B and you survive, it could be you should bench gomel just from driving to Publix. You should bench gomel just because you got on and off I-95 and you survived. It's a miracle. We of course, we don't think about it. I've been flying a lot lately, Baruch Hashem almost all for simchas, and you think about when you're on that plane and you're looking out that window and you're thirty thousand feet in the air and it takes you two and a half hours, two hours and ten minutes to get from Florida to New York or back and you say I'm in a tin box flying through the air. That's a miracle. But you know the difference between ordinary and extraordinary is how used to it we become. When we become used to it, when we come to expect it, it goes from extraordinary to ordinary. But tell somebody two hundred years ago we're going to build tin boxes, they're going to entertain you, they're going to give you drinks and food, you're going to have a WiFi connection and be able to be texting and talking to people all throughout, and in no time you're going to get from point A to point B. They'd look at you like you're insane, like you're crazy. You know what they'd say to you? Are you out of your mind to get into... It's a miracle. So every time you drive and you don't run over a little child, every time you drive and no one ran over or ran into you, every time you drove and the brakes worked to stop a car that was going 70 miles an hour, it's unbelievable, it's a miracle. That's Hashem. So again, Hashem is either everywhere or he's nowhere. If you live your life with your eyes open, your antenna extended, you'll see him everywhere. In every car ride, he's animating everything. This is what we're about to get back to, Rav Gamliel Rabinovich, the Tiv HaEmunah, it's what he's been describing. You could live life in color, in living color, or live life in black and white. When you erase Hashem, you delete Hashem from the story, you're living life in black and white. And when Hashem is animating, informing, he is behind everything. Every car ride, every airplane ride, every conversation, every experience, every cup of coffee, every restful night's sleep. When he's behind everything that happens, then Hashem is everywhere. And you just spend your whole day with him, and isn't that delightful? Isn't that amazing? Isn't that amazing to just spend your whole day with him? Wherever you go, whatever you're doing, that it's better when when they're there. I don't remember if I gave this example. And don't get me on after I say it, I'm not just saying it because it was Yocheved's birthday last week. I'm saying it because I mean it. When I fly by myself versus when we go together somewhere, I always text her when I'm by myself, I wish you were here. This is so much more pleasant. When the flight's delayed or when you're on the plane or when the whatever, it's just so much nicer when someone you enjoy spending time with is there with you. So the Ribbono, okay, you didn't say ah. Okay, thank you. So wherever we go, whatever we do, the Ribbono Shel Olam, whom we enjoy spending time with, our best friend is with us everywhere. You could talk to him, you could confide in him, you could say, ach Hashem, isn't this so annoying? We're stuck here, they're delayed, what's going to be? It's snowing, why would anyone in their right mind live here? Hashem is always by your side. Next email very quickly. This is a cute one. My husband and I were learning through the sefer on parenting, Spare the Child, Shabbos afternoon. We were learning a concept we never heard before. Baruch Hashem, we don't have any major chinuch issues with our children, just daily parenting. Like Rabbi Goldberg tells the story, forgot which gadol it happened to, it was Rav Yaakov Kamenetsky, difference between tzaar gidul banim and gidul banim. Parenting can be confusing, frustrating, especially when you put a lot of effort and see no immediate, see no immediate result. Motzei Shabbos, the author writes, I put on a random, in quotation marks, I put on a random Living with Emunah video. First of all, that's great, that's what people do on Motzei Shabbos. It's unbelievable. What a world. Put on a random Living with Emunah video. I don't think it was the most recent one, I just clicked on one, and Rabbi Goldberg asked the exact same question we were talking about. I've listened to a lot of Rabbi Goldberg shiurim and I never heard discussed this. It may not be an earth-shattering hashgacha story, but to me it's a message. One that tells me that Hashem is watching over me and is with me through the journey called being a parent. We've tried reading different books, listening to different speakers, this book connected to us. To me this was Hashem telling us good job, I see your effort and I'll be with you along the journey. It was the reassurance that was so desperately needed. With my emunah glasses, I did not see this as random, a coincidence I was learning about something twice in a day for the first time. The Living with Emunah classes have changed blah blah blah. So, beautiful email. And again, this individual clicked a random video or a random video came on. You could live your life and the song that comes on or the video that starts or the book that you opened or the person that shared something with you did so randomly. Or you could live life that thank you Hashem, you're giving me messages, you're speaking to me through other people. Thank you, I hear it, I'm listening to it, it's resonating, I'm focused. Thank you so much. And lastly, lastly, ooh, this is a tough one. What time is it? Should we get to learning and save this for next week? Let's learn, we'll save this one for next week. This is a tough one and a long one. Okay, so we're on Tiv HaEmunah, daf, page ayin zayin, amud ayin zayin, page 77. You still have there? Page 77, ayin zayin. And here Rav Gamliel, the great Kabbalist in Yerushalayim, living today, the great tzaddik, Rav Gamliel Rabinovich, is, says the following. He's been telling us about you can go through all the motions externally, you could go through all the motions on the outside. Check, davened this morning, check, went to Daf Yomi, check, went to Living with Emunah, check, gave some tzedakah. But is it all about dveikus? Is my entire life about clinging to, connecting with, attaching myself to Hashem? Is he involved? Am I trying to give him nachas? Am I under his supervision? Do I feel accountable to him? We spoke last week, יסוד החסידות ושורש העבודה, the opening of Mesillas Yesharim, that the foundation of righteousness and the root of serving Hashem is שיתברר ויתאמת אצל האדם, to clarify and evaluate, to always ask ourselves, מה חובת האדם בעולמו, why am I here? Why did I wake up this morning? What am I meant to do? What am I meant to accomplish? Who am I meant to be? What am I meant to get done? How am I meant to live? What am I meant to leave as my legacy? Those sound like obvious questions, except that most people never ask them. And even those who pause to ask them, most people never provide an answer. Why? Because there's laundry to do and shopping to do and cooking for Shabbos to do, carpool to do and homework to do and bedtime to do. There's earning a living to do and paying the bills to do. There are so many things to do to get through each and every day. Who has time to stop and think and ask, "Why am I here? What is my legacy? What is the core and the essence of my day? What is my brand? How am I thought of by others? Who do I want to be? What is my life all about?" זה עיקרה של עבודת הבורא יתברך. This is what we're up to. This is the core of serving Hashem, Lachapes kirvas Elokim, to search for, to look for the opportunity to draw close to our Creator. To connect with the divine, to connect with our core, with our source. כמו שכתב במסילת ישרים, שאדם לא נברא אלא להתענג על השם, we were created to get high on God, Leihanos miziv shechinaso. You know why you're here? To get high on God, to feel the highest and ultimate pleasure you can. And what is the greatest pleasure in the world? The greatest pleasure in the world is to connect to the source of all pleasure. So if you stop and ask, "What do you enjoy the most? What is your greatest pleasure?" I don't know what your greatest pleasure is. Is it a good steak with fried onions, a nice bottle of wine? Is your greatest pleasure a good bubble bath? Is your greatest pleasure a walk on the beach? Is your greatest pleasure time with children or grandchildren? Is your greatest pleasure, whatever your greatest pleasure is in the world, whatever it is. Who created it? Who's the source of it? Who's the provider of it? And if you could connect with Him, you are connecting to the source of all and every pleasure. And there is no greater pleasure in the world than connecting to our source, than connecting to the One above, than connecting to the divine. When we imitate and emulate Hashem, when we channel and we are in contact and nourish the tselem Elokim, the godliness inside us, we are touching eternity. We are touching the divine. We are touching that which is so much bigger and greater than ourselves and we are touching the root and the source and the driver of pleasure. Leisaneig al Hashem, we can get high on God. The more we are detached from Him, devoid of Him, distance from Him, then the more empty and hollow, the more counterfeit our lives, the more numb we need to make ourselves and the more we turn to fleeting and ephemeral pleasures, fraudulent counterfeit pleasures that cannot make it up. That's what you see happening all around us. You see people who've broken through and have access to every other pleasure in the world and they feel empty because they think life is all about having the most, experiencing the most, living the most. I was just listening to a podcast of somebody who said, my first job in life, a very, very successful person. How do you define success? By society's definition, a very successful person. Broke through enormous amounts of money, success in business, and he's talking all about his first job was making money. And he succeeded. He had enough money for the rest of his life, for generations to come. He finished that job. So he retired at a very young age and he took on another job. And he said, "My next job was to have as much fun as I could." I had all the money I could ever need, so my new job, he said, and I spent years in pursuit of fun. I traveled the world, I experimented and I tried pleasures, I experienced things, people, places, fun. That was my next job. He said, "So, first job was making money and I finished it, I succeeded at it. My next job was experiencing fun and pleasure and I succeeded at it. But then I felt empty and hollow, and it was enough, I was bored with having fun, and having fun was so not fun. So I needed a new job and I realized what was missing in my life was meaning. So now my next job is helping other people." And he started a whole, he's a coach and he coaches people, he doesn't do it for the money, he doesn't need money, but he scratches his entrepreneurial itch not by going back to work, which he doesn't want to do, but by coaching other people and vicariously getting the satisfaction of their success, but not having to do the work. But more than that, he created a whole program for former incarcerated people, people who got out of prison to get them jobs and help them and he tells the whole story and it's really extraordinary. But when you listen to his journey from the quest to make money, his first job, to then the quest to have fun, what he defined as his next job, to all of that leaving him hollow and empty. Now, everyone else would say, "Wow, that's it, that's the top of the mountain. That's where I want to go, that's where I want to get." Having all the money for generations to come, you don't need to work anymore. Having all the fun, you could travel and go and do anything you want in the world. That's where I want, that's what I want, that's where I want to get to. But he got there. He's on top of the mountain and he's like, "It's really lonely here. It's really empty here. I'm not really having fun here. This is not really the top of the mountain. Where is the top of the mountain? How can I climb higher? Where's my next peak?" is not actually taking and living for myself but is getting high by being like God by doing things for other people and he's describing it. He actually starts tearing up and he's crying in the middle when he gets to that point. This uber type-A successful person starts choking in this interview, in this podcast, when he talks about having found the meaning of helping other people. When we live lives for ourselves we're empty and we're hollow, and it's a counterfeit life. And when we channel the God in us that cares, that's benevolent, that's kind, that's gives, that's good, and we make a difference in other people's lives, when we strive for holiness not for happiness, then we find happiness. When you live for happiness, you're unhappy. When you live for holiness, you find happiness. So we have to channel God. לא נברא אלא להתענג על השם. We were created to get high on God. We're here to get high on God. That's why we're here. והוא דבר שמאוד נעלם מאתנו, and this is something that's hidden from us, ואפילו אצל לומדי תורה ויגע. How many people, we spoke about last week, how many people who study Torah study or read or learn for information not for transformation? Yiddishkeit is about transformation. It's about being on fire, it's about being passionate and dynamic. It's a living ongoing dialogue and conversation with the Almighty. But how many observant Jews walk around like zombies? Look around, look around at any davening in any place. I'm not certainly not knocking our community where I don't think this is true, but I'm not knocking any particular community. But sadly it's become rote routine and rote, and if you look around too often it's just a group of assembled zombies going through the motions. How are we alive? Is it vibrant? Is it? Is there an enthusiasm? Is there an energy? Are we in an ongoing conversation? Are we talking to him? Are we hearing him talk to us? Are we hearing him talk to us through his agents and ambassadors and messengers? The messenger could be a billboard on the side of the highway, although today you can't really look at any of them. Why? Is he speaking to us through a conversation with someone else? Is he speaking to us through nature? Is he speaking through us through what popped up in our playlist? Is he speaking to us through so many things, doors that opened or doors that closed because we're meant to walk through another? How is he speaking to us? Are we listening? כמובן שכל אחד לומד ומתפלל משום שכך צונו הבורא יתברך. People feel like it's an obligation, it's a to-do, I have to. So I gotta learn, I gotta daven, I gotta do these things, check, check, check, check. אבל למצוא את נקודת הבורא בכל דבר, but to see the source of Hashem in everything, in every leaf, in every rustle of the leaves, in every in every breeze, in every wind, to see and feel Hashem in everything, in every successful car ride, in every successful bathroom trip, in every successful cup of coffee, in every successful interaction conversation, in every successful bath time and bedtime. Do we see and feel and thank and talk to and ask Hashem? כמו שכתב הבעל שם טוב הקדוש בצוואת הריב"ש, זה דבר קשה מאוד להשגה. This is something very, very difficult to achieve. This is very difficult to achieve, but it's what our life is supposed to be about. This is the measure of success in life. The world around us says, you know what the measure of success in life is? How much money, how many things, what car do you drive, what house do you live in, what clothes do you wear, how many followers, how many friends, how much fame? All of those are the success in life. But for us, the success in life is how attached and connected are you to your creator? How much pleasure are you drawing, the real pleasure, not the fleeting counterfeit one which there's nothing wrong with enjoying too in the context of finding Hashem in it and through it. Hashem is in a good steak. Black and blue, charred on the outside, raw on the inside, rare on the inside. Hashem is found in the properly cooked steak. Hashem can be found. It's not that we have to divorce or abstain from enjoying the physical things. He wants us. He says, this is my world, I created it, go, go my kinder, go my children, go enjoy. But enjoy it with me at your side. Enjoy it and see me and find me in it. Don't enjoy it and while you're enjoying it forget about me. Don't leave me outside the restaurant. Don't leave me outside the experience. Find me in it and then enjoy it to your heart's delight. But that's our mission and that's the definition of our successful lives. Successful life is not how much you have; it's how much you have him. How much we are attached to and connected to him, how much we find him, how much we hear him. It's not just that that's a successful life that you should sacrifice and compromise and give and you'll live with misery, but you're living in service of him. That's not a Yiddishkeit. Too many people think that's the Yiddishkeit, that Hashem wants us to be miserable and sacrifice and compromise and give up but you're doing it for him. So be willing to do that. No, it's the opposite. and a life connected to Him. That's it. That's it. וידוע מימר החכם שכל אחד יודע מאמונה יש לו אמונה ואף מדבר על אמונה אבל לחיות עם האמונה זה כבר עניין אחר. To speak about emuna, to talk about emuna, that's easy. That's easy. To go through the motions of emuna, that's easy. But to really believe, to feel, to demonstrate, כי נוח לו לאדם לחיות כל זמן עם כחי ועצם ידי עשה לי את החיל הזה. לחשוב שהוא עשה והוא הצליח. So again we say where do you get your paycheck? I do from Boca Raton Synagogue, where do you get your paycheck from? Your patients, your clients, your boss, your employer? No, the answer we should all say: my paycheck, I get it from Hashem. Oh, He channels it through the Boca Raton Synagogue. He channels it through customers or clients, He channels it through whoever's my boss, He channels it through my entrepreneurial gifts that I've been given that are on loan from Him that have enabled me to be successful. Do we intuit and do we instinctively answer, oh you had a recovery, I know you've had the flu, you've had this cough that won't go away, oh you're better, Baruch Hashem. What worked, how did it happen? What do you mean? Hashem. Oh, oh Hashem sent me to this doctor who finally ordered this test, I finally took this medicine, I don't know, it finally went away. How do we orient our lives? Are we orienting our lives in the here and now, the physical world, the external, the superficial, but at the emuna class, yeah we connect the dots and say it's Hashem. Or do we orient our lives, everything's Hashem? Oh, how did it happen? He chose to use this agent, He chose to do it through this person, that's how this happened. But a person mistakenly thinks כחי ועצם ידי עשה לי את החיל הזה. He thinks kochi v'otzem yadi, it's my power, it's my skill, it's my creativity, it's my ingenuity, it's my entrepreneurship, it's it's all me. It's all me that created it. לחשוב שהוא עשה והוא הצליח. What do you mean? It's my hard work, it's my toil, it's my effort. Now are we entitled to feel pride, bless you, are we entitled to feel pride in our success? Yes. It's not the emuna shiur to say no, don't feel any pride, it's nothing, you did nothing, you're a no one, you deserve zero credit. That's not Yiddishkeit. That's not our attitude or perspective. Should you and can you feel pride? Absolutely. You did work hard, you did break through, you did succeed, you did toil, you did make an effort. Assa, what are you supposed to think? What's the pasuk? On the one hand you can't say כחי ועצם ידי עשה לי את החיל הזה. Don't say it's me, it's mine, it's my effort, it's my entrepreneurship, it's my creativity, it's my hard work. What should you say? הוא הנתן לך כח לעשות חיל. The Ran in his drashos, I know I've shared this before, the Ran says what you should answer is who gave you that koach? הוא הנתן לך כח לעשות חיל. Who gave you that koach? You speak well, that's great, who gave you that gift? You draw well, you're an artist, great, who gave you that gift? You're athletic, great, who gave you that gift? You're smart, you have an incredible memory, you have great wisdom, insight, who gave you those gifts? You're a beautiful person, you're put together, who gave you the gift? It's all from Hashem. הוא הנתן לך כח לעשות חיל. It's on loan, it's not part of our permanent connection, it's all from Him. קושי גדול לעבור להתבטל בביטול גמור לבורא יתברך. ויש מי שעושה זאת למחצה יש לשליש ולרביע ויש שעושה זאת רק בכמה אחוזים בודדים. Our life is about bitul, nullify. We have to nullify ourselves to Hashem, surrender, submit to Hashem. איך בין א גארנישט, I'm a nothing, I'm a nobody, I do my small part, I do my effort, I'm proud of my success, but Hashem you're the senior partner, you've lent me these skills, you've granted me these blessings, they could disappear at any moment and I'm so grateful for them and I credit you with them and I thank you for them and I ask you for help with it. וצריך כל אחד למדוד עצמו כמה אחוז הצלחה הוא לוקח לעצמו וכמה אחוז הוא מתייחס להקדוש ברוך הוא. In any given thing we have to ask ourselves: what percentage of credit are we taking and what percentage are we willing to allocate to Him? We had a great business deal, we made a great kugel, we had a great Purim, we had a great, I don't know, we put ourselves together great for the simcha, we look great, we've gotten a great amount of compliments. In any given great experience, success experience, what percent do we credit Him, what percent do we take credit to ourselves? וכל שמיחס לבורא יתברך אחוזים גבוהים יותר סימן שהוא חי בביטול גמור יותר אליו יתברך. The measure, the metric, the test of how vibrant, how alive, how dynamic the relationship with Hashem is: how much do we credit Him versus how much do we credit ourselves? How much we instinctively answer it's all Him, versus how much do we have to stop and remind ourselves and go back and correct and fix, oh yeah. I forgot he made me better. I forgot he closed the deal. I forgot he helped me get from point A to point B. It's all Hashem. It's all from above. And living this life chevra, but this is what we've been talking about, I don't know how many years we've done the Emuna Shiur now. But this is what we say every single week. We're not doing all this as a gift or a sacrifice for Hashem. Living this life with this awareness, this consciousness, this mindfulness, living this life is the most meaningful and purposeful and enriched and elevated, it's the best life. That's why I read you these emails each week because these are real people who are living real lives and who are saying you know what, I could have lost my temper, I could have lost my cool, I could have lost my patience, I remembered emuna. I could have lived with envy, I could have swelled with arrogance, I could have responded with anger, emuna. Emuna. Emuna grounds me, emuna centers me, emuna gives me peace, it gives me serenity, it gives me tranquility, it gives me a menuchas hanefesh. I can live life and I can let go. Rabbi Pincus spoke about last night a great, many great suggestions, one of which was begin your Amida by lowering your shoulders. I don't remember where I first heard this from him years ago or on my own I did this, but I also notice and I also give this suggestion when you take your three steps forward, you know, we think that like we treat the siddur and davening like it's a runaway train. Like once you start, don't stop. Shemona Esrei especially. Once you take your three steps forward, you start, don't stop. It doesn't say anywhere that you're not allowed to pause between the brachas. It doesn't say anywhere that if you find you're distracted you're not allowed to stop and take a few breaths and re-center yourself and re-ground yourself and start again. Doesn't say anywhere. You don't think that's what Hashem wants? If you're sitting and talking to someone and they're looking at their phone, they're looking around the room, they're looking right past you and around you at what else and who else and what else is going on and you say hey, yo, over here, the person says okay, good, what were you saying? I'm sorry. What are you going to be like how dare you, why did you breathe, why did you pause? You're going to say thank you, welcome back. We're supposed to be spending time together. So Shemona Esrei is not a runaway train. It's not like once you press go, now like it's a race who can finish first. Stop and pause. And that check-in, not only at the beginning but throughout, you won't believe until you try it how tense you are. Your shoulders are like over your ears. But when you take three steps forward, the one I learned this from was Rabbi Adam Englender who at the Katz Hillel Day School middle school davening, the holiest davening in our community, most beautiful davening in our community, taught and they still practice that when they take three steps forward before they start Hashem sefatai tiftach, deep breath. Restore your neshama with a neshima, restore your soul with a deep breath. I took three steps forward, I'm now standing in front of Hashem. I'm in the Oval Office, I'm in the inner chamber, I'm at the palace, I'm having an audience with the Creator of the universe. Wow. And with that deep breath, lower your shoulder, let go, relax all the muscles. And only when you do it will you realize how tense we're walking around wound up, tense, wound up. Let go, says Hashem, let go. So what these emails prove and the reason I read them, I'm not like avoiding having to teach you, someone else is doing the work I'm just going to read, not like the teachers who just show YouTube videos all day to their class, I'm not just reading someone else's email so I can get out of teaching. I'm reading them, they're inspiring to me, they're very motivating and inspiring to me, but they're examples, they're living examples for all of us to leave the Emuna Shiur and to go off and lead our lives and to realize our lives are so much better when we invite and we welcome, we make space, we make room for Hashem, when we credit him, when we turn to him, when we surrender to him, when we nullify ourselves to him, when we practice bitul, all of this makes us better and more connected, it's what our lives are all about. Od zos ne'emar next page ayin ches, moving right along. Od zos ne'emar כי מי שכועס על דברים שמה בכך יש בכך סימן שיש לו חסרון באמונה על דבר פקודת ישועה ורחמים. Oh, we move over, now to anger. Where does emuna and anger come in? Where do emuna and anger come in? Anger is a really, really difficult, difficult character trait. It's so hard to conquer anger. Great people have sacrificed and lost everything for anger. Person I was telling you about from this podcast, who has all the money in the world he could ever need for the rest of his life, who had all the fun he could ever experience for the rest of his life, who now moved to meaning and purpose, he shared something at the end of this podcast, it blew me away. The whole time I listened to him, he's a coach, and he's coaching the host of the podcast Tim Ferriss, and you know, sometimes that coach, they sound like they've just got it all together. They sound like in their and you just imagine in their own life like wow, I'm sure that they're just organized and disciplined and calm and follow through and they've just got it all together. together perfect, right? Listening to him coach and the examples and what he's telling him to do, I'm like, he must have his bills paid on time and everything's organized and a schedule he follows through and he's living this serene life and he's coaching others and it's like unbelievable. And then he gets to the end of the podcast and he gets honest and he gets transparent in a really courageous way because it's not an anonymous podcast and he talks about the fact that his marriage had recently ended after eighteen years and three children because he couldn't conquer his anger his wife left him. What? I was listening and I couldn't believe it. This coach who coaches others who's succeeded and has it all who discipline has discipline in his own life and coaches and teaches and conditions others to lead with extreme discipline in theirs couldn't conquer his anger to the point that it cost him his marriage. He talked about his love for his wife and he talked about how his wife still loves him but she couldn't live with him with his anger. He lost it all because of anger. That's how pernicious, that's how dangerous, that's how destructive anger is. Destroys, destroys. You could have all the money in the world and you could have had all the fun in the world and you could coach CEOs of the Fortune 500 companies, have all the fame and fortune in the world, but if you can't control your anger you could lose it all. What do you have if you don't have your family intact? What's left? What's left? So why couldn't he conquer his anger? I didn't finish the podcast, the drive was over, I didn't get to that part, but you know what, I'm not even interested in what he has to say. I am, I'm curious, but it's what Rav Gamliel has to say that I'm interested in. What is the root of anger? Where does it come from? How do we conquer it? How do we conquer it? It's this week's parsha. לא תבערו אש בכל מושבותיכם ביום השבת. A fire cannot burn in any of your dwelling places on Shabbat. Torah tells us one of the thirty-nine melachot, the only one that's spelled out specifically, the only one that's given us explicitly, you're not allowed to start a fire, you can't light a fire on Shabbat. Everybody knows that, one of the thirty-nine categories of creative labor, you cannot start a fire on Shabbat. And that's halacha. Can't start a fire, can't cook, can't turn on lights, this is the laws of Shabbat. Comes along the Shelah HaKadosh, רב ישעיה הלוי הורוביץ, the Shelah HaKadosh, and he says homiletically, you know what it means you can't start a fire on Shabbat? You cannot get angry לא תבערו אש בכל מושבותיכם ביום השבת. There can be no anger in a Jewish home from chatzot on Erev Shabbat through Shabbat. So you're allowed to get angry from Saturday night through Friday afternoon? No, of course not. That's not what it means. So what is the Shelah saying? When is the time of the week that we're most predisposed to get angry? Friday afternoon. Yeah. You said you'd set the table. Why aren't you showered yet? You're never home until the eighteen minutes. When do we fly off the handle? When do we lose our cool? When are we at the end of our rope? Friday afternoon, the end of a long week. You haven't slept the whole week, you've got no patience, nothing left, and when are we most easily angered? Friday. The Shabbat table. Why aren't you singing zmirot? How come you never stay at the table? Why didn't you make my favorite food? Why aren't you eating anything? Or why are you stop eating everything? Whatever you get angry about, that's when we're most predisposed to get angry. The Shelah says לא תבערו אש בכל מושבותיכם ביום השבת. A Jew, a Yiddishe home cannot have anger. It's the opposite, it's a contradiction to Shabbat which Shabbat is all about בא שבת בא מנוחה. Shabbat comes there has to be peace and serenity and safety, a safe space, the original safe space is the Jewish home on Shabbat. It's the way we go into Shabbat. Lighting the Shabbat candles are all about welcoming shalom, peace into our home, light into our home. There's no room for anger, there's no room for tension. There's another time of the week. I don't light Shabbat candles, those who do, before you light Shabbat candles, take a deep breath and let go. And let go of whatever's in your heart from the whole week, whoever you're frustrated by, whoever you're angry at, whoever you're disappointed in, let go. Because when you hold it, when you carry it, it just gets heavier for you. So let go, let it go, and light those candles and bring light into your life and light into your home and peace into your surroundings. Light those candles and let go. Before you light again, it's a race. What time is it? What time is candle lighting? We changed the clock so now late Shabbat is late, and we'll still be racing and we'll still be late. No matter what time Shabbat is, it's never a good time. It's like Yocheved and Mincha, it's never at a good time. Whatever time Mincha is for me, never a good time. Early, late, no matter, it's never a good time. Never a good time. You're never on time for Shabbat no matter what time it is. So we're always racing to light the candles. So you run in to light the candles, how much time do I have? And I gotta light the candles and davven Mincha and what's... no, stop, slow down, slow down our lives. Our life is such It's such a rat race. We're moving at such a ridiculous speed. Is it the Kotzker? Dr. Pelcovitz loves to quote in Shma he said Va-avadetem meheira. Va-avadetem. You know how much we lose meheira because we're running too fast, we're living life too fast. Slow down. Slow down. Be present, be mindfulness, be mindful, experience whatever we're meant to be experiencing. Savor that cup of coffee, savor that conversation, savor that bracha, savor that candle lighting, savor that Shmoneh Esrei, savor the drive, savor the moment, savor. That capacity to savor. The best things, the most pleasurable things are experienced not quickly and running and racing through them. The best things are experienced when you savor them. Slow down. Va-avadetem meheira, don't lose out on life by running and racing through it. Slow down. We have to slow down and we have to savor. So when you light the Shabbos candles, what's today? Thursday. Tomorrow night, when you light the Shabbos candles, slow down time. First of all, you have to be ready on time to leave yourself enough time to light the candles in this way. Make a note next to your Shabbos candles, so it'll be the next thing, Alana, we produce. A little note for next to the Shabbos candles, right? Slow down and savor the candle lighting. Take a deep breath. Take a deep breath and relax your muscles and bring the light, right? Let go. Let go of the frustration, the pain, the anger, the disappointment, the resentment. Let it go, let it all go. Don't carry it into Shabbos. If you want, it'll be waiting next to the Havdalah candle. You can pick it back up then. You can pick it up then. But for the Shabbos, for 25 hours, set it aside. Between the two candle lightings, from lighting the Shabbos candle to lighting the Havdalah candle, לא תבערו אש בכל משבתיכם. No anger, no resentment, no frustration, no tension, no conflict. Set it aside. Let it go. You want light in your life? Let go of the darkness. Dispel it, get rid of it. Let it go. Take that deep breath, relax your shoulders, and now light the candles and light up your life and light up your home and bring in that peace. There's no room for anger. So where does that anger come from? How could it be, not only somebody who is one of the wealthiest people but who coaches the wealthiest people and he lost his marriage because of anger? Where does that anger come from? That's what we'll start with next week. Because it's all about emuna. Anger is idolatry, anger is arrogance, and the antidote to anger is emuna. If you live your life and you realize, okay, so it didn't happen the way I want, that person's not behaving the way I want, the world doesn't revolve around me. I can't micromanage and overpower everything and everyone around me. I need to let go. And when a person can live that way, they'll find themselves not getting angry. They won't exhibit anger. It's amazing that anger is so it's so difficult that even someone who knows they stand to lose everything because of it can't conquer it. But we're going about it the wrong way. It's not anger management. It's you have to extinguish the anger by replacing it with a different philosophy and attitude. You have to live such a life that there's no room or space that anger would never swell up because I just don't see the world that way. Why would I react with anger? We'll pick up with that im yirtzeh Hashem next week. Tonight, you don't want to miss 8:00 PM. So while you're cooking for Shabbos or just make yourself a big bowl of popcorn, but you don't want to miss live marathon Behind the Bima, global edition today. Thank you to our generous sponsor matching every dollar. So if you've given, give again. If you haven't given, for sure give because whatever you give today will be matched. Have a great day, stay happy, stay healthy, and stay holy.
