Transcript
Good morning, בוקר טוב boker tov, and welcome back to פרשה Parsha Perspectives for today. Always a privilege and a pleasure to study the פרשה parsha together. Sorry we can't offer coffee this morning. Hope everyone is having a meaningful and productive fast, עשרה בטבת Asarah B'Teves, trying to correct the sale of יוסף Yosef. It's a, some have posited, that's what עשרה בטבת Asarah B'Teves corresponds with aside from the reasons given in the גמרא Gemara. But it's a day of introspection, self-reflection, it's a day of repair, relationships, it's a day of improving ourselves, and no better way to do that than studying the פרשה parsha. I want to thank our פרשה parsha series sponsors, Becky and Avi Katz and family, in loving memory of David Grossman, לעילוי נשמת דוד בן מנחם מענדל l'iluy nishmas David ben Menachem Mendel. His נשמה neshama should have an עליה aliyah. We're so grateful to them for their generosity and their sponsorship.פרשת ויחי Parshas Vayechi, page 268 in the ArtScroll Stone חומש Chumash. And with this, I don't know about you, it feels like it was just שמחת תורה Simchas Torah. We just started בראשית Bereishis. I don't know how we're finishing the first book of חומש Chumash, the first book of the Torah already, where the time goes when we're having fun. ויחי יעקב בארץ מצרים שבע עשרה שנה ויהי ימי יעקב שני חייו שבע שנים וארבעים ומאת שנה Vayechi Yaakov b'eretz Mitzrayim shva esrei shana, vayehi yemei Yaakov shnei chayav sheva shanim v'arba'im u'me'at shana. Yaakov lived in Egypt for 17 years. These are the days of Yaakov, the years of his life, for 147 years. ויקרבו ימי ישראל למות Vayikrevu yemei Yisrael lamus, he understands and he appreciates that he's at the end of his days, and therefore he gathers his family around. There's a lot of literature on the notion, the importance of gathering our family and leaving not only a will, not only trying to avoid paying taxes, not only trying to ensure a smooth transfer of our assets, but more importantly, an ethical will, what we call a צוואה tzava'ah. And that's exactly what Yaakov Avinu does. When he perceives that he's at the end of his life, he gathers his family not to talk about who gets which ring, which necklace, which מזוזה mezuzah, who gets which item, this ש\"ס Shas, who gets the טלית tallis. Not to talk about who gets which item, which is not a bad idea also if you'd like your family to get along even after you're gone. But it's a צוואה tzava'ah, it's an ethical will. He's trying to communicate his core values, what's important, what drove his life, and the potential that he sees in each of them. ויקרא לבנו ליוסף ויאמר לו אם נא מצאתי חן בעיניך שים נא ידך תחת ירכי Vayikra l'vno l'Yosef vayomer lo im na matzasi chen b'einecha sim na yadcha tachas yerechi, ועשית עמדי חסד ואמת אל נא תקברני במצרים v'asisa imadi chesed ve'emes al na sikbereini b'Mitzrayim. The first thing, the first message he has for his son Yosef is, he says if I find favor in your eyes, please promise, swear to me, whatever you do, don't leave me. Don't just tell me, you have to follow through, do for me a חסד ואמת chesed ve'emes. Do something that's both kind and just and righteous and true. And what is that thing? אל נא תקברני במצרים Al na sikbereini b'Mitzrayim, do not bury me where? In מצרים Mitzrayim. Don't bury me in מצרים Mitzrayim.Rav Yeruchom wonders. The great Rav Yeruchom, the great משגיח mashgiach of the Mir. Rashi says שים נא ידך sim na yadcha, place your hand תחת ירכי tachas yerechi, the only place that a מצוה mitzvah, there was no ספר תורה sefer Torah, there was no חומש Chumash to put your hand on and affirm. What was the only דבר מצוה dvar mitzvah, the only חפצא cheftza of a מצוה mitzvah that you could swear or affirm on was a ברית מילה bris milah. Sounds peculiar, bizarre to us, but it was very holy and noble. והיא שבועה V'hi shvuah, says Rashi, swear to me. Yaakov is making his son Yosef swear. וצריך ביאור V'tzarich biur, and Rav Yeruchom wonders. מדוע יצטרך יעקב להשביע את בנו Madua yitztarech Yaakov l'hashbia es b'no? I mean, isn't he embarrassing Yosef? 22 years of separation. Yosef didn't lose an iota of who he was. He's still Yosef. אני יוסף Ani Yosef. I'm not צפנת פענח Tzafnas Paneach. The Egyptians know me by an Egyptian name, but that's not who I am. In my core, I've never deviated. I'm still that Yosef. I'm still the Yosef in the בית מדרש beis medrash of our father. And yet, לכאורה זה מביש את יוסף l'chora zeh mevayesh es Yosef. וכי קיימת הוה אמינא שיוסף לא ישמע לקיין בקשתו האחרונה של אביו V'chi kayemes hava amina she'Yosef lo yishma l'kayem bakashaso ha'achrona shel aviv? Does Yaakov really have a thought that Yosef, the great Yosef, is not going to follow through on the request on the last dying wish of his father? He says not good enough. Not good enough that I asked you for a favor and you said yes, I need you to swear. I need you to promise. I'm going to need two notaries. We're going to need, we're going to need somebody representing the court, couple notaries, we're going to need some witnesses. Yosef's like, excuse me? What? Me, Dad, it's me. I know we were separated. Remember I sent the עגלות agalos. I still remember the סוגיא sugya we were holding in. אני יוסף Ani Yosef, I'm still Yosef. You don't trust me? You don't believe me? I have to swear, I have to affirm.כי יוצא בזה דבר Ki yotzei b'zeh davar, Rav Yeruchom says we see a similar idea. כששלח אברהם את אליעזר לחפש שידוך לבנו יצחק Keshe'shalach Avraham es Eliezer l'chapes shidduch l'vno Yitzchak. When Avraham sends Eliezer to look for a שידוך shidduch for Yitzchak, השביעו שלא יקח מבנות כנען hishbio shelo yikach mibnos Canaan, promise me you will not set up Yitzchak with one of the girls from Canaan. Promise me. Now I understand some of the שדכנים shadchanim today, after you pay the retainer, and after you sign the DocuSign, and after, okay, so now promise me after the retainer and the DocuSign that you're not going to set up with someone from this community. Promise me. But Eliezer, Eliezer is Avraham's trusted, he's in charge of his whole house. He's in charge of everything. So he doesn't trust him? He makes him swear. כששלח יצחק את עשיו לצוד לו ציד כדי שיוכל לברכו Keshe'shalach Yitzchak es Eisav l'tzud lo tzayid kedei sheyuchal l'varcho, הצטריך ויצוהו שיהיה צידו מן ההפקר היטב hitztrich v'yitzavahu she'yihyeh tzeido min hahefker heitev, שלא יהיה גזל בידו shelo yihyeh gezel b'yado. גם שם צריך ביאור Gam sham tzarich biur. ממה נפשך Mima nafshach. Why why is not trust enough to be able to rely on his word? What's with the swearing? So Rav Yeruchom in his דעת תורה daas Torah, his דעת תורה daas Torah at the end of בראשית Bereishis, and ויחי Vayechi he says the following: איסור אכילת דם מצינו בתורה בכמה לאוין Ha'isur achilas dam matzinu b'Torah b'chama lavin. Torah tells us in several places, you're not allowed to eat blood. One of the laws of כשרות kashrus, you cannot consume blood. That's why we salt meat. That's why you have to roast a liver. You're not allowed to consume blood. Nevertheless, the Torah says in ספר דברים Sefer Devarim, רק חזק לבלתי אכול הדם rak chazak l'vilti achol hadam. Strengthen yourself, be strong, whatever you do, don't eat blood. ספרי Sifri comes along and quotes בן עזאי Ben Azzai אומר לא בא הכתוב אלא להזהירך וללמדך כמה אתה צריך להתחזק במצוות omer lo ba ha'kasuv ela l'hazhircha u'l'lamedcha kama ata tzarich l'hischazek b'mitzvos. I don't know why the Torah has to tell me so many times don't eat blood. I have no interest in eating blood. It's disgusting, it's repulsive. Why would I want to eat blood? The Torah has to say strengthen, strengthen yourself, don't eat Cape Cod potato chips. Strengthen yourself, don't eat Trader Joe's corn chips. Strengthen yourself, don't eat, okay, for some of you, chocolate, ice cream, ברוך השם Baruch Hashem, I don't have those temptations. But strengthen yourself, רק חזק לבלתי Rak chazak l'vilti, be strong and hold back and don't eat that which is bad for you. I understand. I understand, but דם dam, blood, I have no interest. שעשה דם שכל כך קל לישמר ממנו שאין אדם מתאווה לו, צריך לחזקו באזהרה כל כך, וכל שכן שאר מצוות Esah dam she'kol kach kal l'hishamer mimenu she'ein adam misaveh lo, tzarich l'chazko b'azhara kol kach, v'chol sheken she'ar mitzvos. Says Rashi there, if blood that you have no temptation, no desire, no interest to eat, the Torah nevertheless has to say, be strong, strengthen yourself, don't give in, על אחת כמה וכמה al achas kama v'kama, כל וחומר kal vachomer, all the more so the things we have a drive and a temptation for. Rashi, צא ולמד מתן שכרן של מצוות. אם דם שנפשו של אדם קצה ממנו הפורש ממנו זוכה לו ולבניו אחריו, קל וחומר לגזל ועריות שנפשו של אדם מתאווה להן tsei u'lmad matan scharan shel mitzvos. Im dam she'nafsho shel adam katza mimenu, ha'poresh mimenu zocheh lo u'l'vanav acharav, kal vachomer l'gezel v'arayos she'nafsho shel adam mis'aveh lahen. If something you have no desire for, nevertheless you get a great reward when you abstain from, all the more so when you overcome the drive, the temptation, the desire, the things you really want to do and nevertheless you don't do, all the more so the reward waiting for you. Says Rav Yeruchom, כיוון שרואים עד כמה מחזירה התורה שאדם לא יסמוך על עצמו keshe'roim ad kama mechazira ha'Torah she'adam lo yismoch al atzmo. So you see the Torah goes out of its way and says, don't rely on yourself. Blood, I'm repulsed by, I'm disgusted by. Yeah, okay, lovely. But still, you never know. That steak, it looks like it's so delicious. You're going to want that steak so badly. It's going to be roasted in such a, barbecued in, black and blue. It's a fast day already at 9:30 in the morning. I'm talking so much about food. Black and blue, you know what black and blue is? That's the proper way to eat a steak. You know what black and blue is? Charred on the outside and nice and rare on the inside. Black and blue. Next time you go to a restaurant, tell them my rabbi said I should ask for black and blue. Some grilled onions, fried onions, delicious. So black, so you're going to see a piece of steak, it's black and blue, it's grilled perfectly, charred on the outside, rare, still a שטיקל shtickel moving on the inside. It's still a little bit alive on the plate, on the inside. But it it hasn't been salted. No מליחה melicha was done. You're going to be tempted. It's too late if it's already roasted. Before it's roasted, you're going to be tempted, no מליחה melicha was done. You can't trust yourself. The יצר הרע yetzer hara, the drive, impulse is so strong we can't trust ourselves. So מבינים היטב שהאבות הקדושים לא סמכו על עצמם mivinim heitev she'ha'avos ha'kedoshim lo samchu al atzmam. And you see from here that the great, the greater person is, they never trust themselves. They never trust themselves. They never trust themselves and they never trust the people around them when something is so precious, when something is so critical, when something is so central and definitional, don't trust yourself and don't even trust the people around you. אנטשולדיק Antshuldig. I don't mean to insult you. No offense. It has nothing to do with you. I don't trust myself, I don't trust you. Torah says about several things, אין אפוטרופוס לעריות ein apotropos l'arayos, for example. Torah says you can't be alone in a room with someone of the opposite gender to whom you're not related and you couldn't marry. You can't be alone. Why not? Hashem, you don't trust me? Hashem looks at you and he says, that's exactly right. I don't trust you because I invented and placed that drive in you. And something so important, so definitional, the striving and ambition for קדושה kedusha, for sanctity, that's right. I don't trust you. אין אפוטרופוס לעריות Ein apotropos l'arayos, אין אפוטרופוס לדברי ממנות ein apotropos l'divrei mamonos. We don't believe you should leave money sitting around with someone else there, even your own family members. What, you don't trust them? That's right. You don't trust them. Some drive, some impulse is so strong, we don't trust. We don't trust. And therefore Yaakov Avinu says to Yosef, I'm it's no offense. There's nothing to do, I don't trust myself, I don't trust you. I desperately don't want to be buried here. I want for eternity to be buried in ארץ ישראל Eretz Yisrael. We'll talk about it in a moment. And therefore, שים נא ידך תחת ירכי sim na yadcha tachas yerechi, swear to me. It's not an insulting to you, it has nothing to do with you. These are the most important things in the world. Avraham says Eliezer, you have my whole, you're in charge of my whole estate. You you have all the passwords to all the accounts. You have everything. But when it comes to a שידוך shidduch for my son, the very future and continuity of my people, of my mission, of my charge, don't be insulted. It is nothing to do with being insulted. Some things are so strong, so powerful, so core that a person has to swear. A person has to swear.Comes along the אוצר פלאות התורה Otzar P'laos HaTorah. Our new favorite ספר sefer. The חלק אוצר פלאות התורה Chelek Otzar P'laos HaTorah. כתב הרמב\"ם Kasav ha'Rambam. So here Yaakov Avinu says, swear to me, swear to me what? You won't leave me here in שמוץ לארץ shmutz l'aretz. Don't leave me here in חוץ לארץ chutz la'aretz. Don't leave me here outside the land of Israel. Promise, swear to me that you're going to bring me to ארץ ישראל Eretz Yisrael. Promise you're going to intern me, forever I will be resting in ארץ ישראל Eretz Yisrael. זה כרמב\"ם בהלכות מלכים פרק ה הלכה יא Zeh k'Rambam b'hilchos melachim perek hei halacha yud alef. הקובר בארץ ישראל נתכפר לו Ha'kover b'Eretz Yisrael niskaper lo. Being buried in Israel is a source of כפרה kaparah. וכאילו המקום שהוא בו מזבח כפרה U'ke'ilu ha'makom shehu vo mizbeach kaparah. ואין אדם יכול לקלוט מחיים כקליטתו אחר מותו V'ein adam domeh kalitaso m'chaim l'kalitaso achar moso. ואף על פי כן גדולי החכמים היו מוליכים מתיהם לשם v'af al pi chen gedolei ha'chachamim hayu molichim meseihem l'sham. צא ולמד מי Tzei u'lmad mi? יעקב אבינו ויוסף הצדיק Yaakov Avinu v'Yosef ha'Tzaddik. Says the Rambam, of course get to Israel while you're alive. Get to Israel while you have life. Get to Israel while you are among the living and you're navigating and you're conquering and you're ישוב הארץ yishuv ha'aretz, you are settling in the land. All of us it should be a question not if, but when. עשרה בטבת Asarah B'Teves were mourning the siege, נבוכדנצר Nebuchadnezzar around ירושלים Yerushalayim, חורבן churban. If we feel חורבן churban, part of the חורבן churban is that we're not there. We need to be there. Not if, but when. Better to go while you're alive. But if you don't go while you're alive, says the Rambam הלכות מלכים Hilchos Melachim, be buried there. And from whom do we learn this? Two great people who desperately begged and made their progeny swear they wouldn't, they would not be interred outside of Israel were יעקב אבינו Yaakov Avinu and יוסף הצדיק Yosef ha'Tzaddik. The Rambam in his תשובות Teshuvos, סימן שי\"ב siman shin yud beis. אחד שאביו ואמו היו דרים בחוץ לארץ Echad she'aviv v'imo hayu darim b'chutz la'aretz. An individual whose parents were living outside of the land, והשתוקקו בחייהם חיותם לזכות אחר מיתתם להיקבר בארץ ישראל v'hishtokeku b'chayeihem chiyusam l'zakos achar misasam l'hikaveir b'Eretz Yisrael. וגם בשעת פקידתם אשר מתו בו, אמרו שמשתוקקים להיקבר בארץ ישראל V'gam b'shaas pkidasam asher meisu bo, omru she'mishtokekim l'hikaveir b'Eretz Yisrael. They asked, please bury us in Israel, even during their final days, during their terminal illness, they said, please confirm you're going to bury us in Israel. והנה כאשר מתו סיבב השם יתברך אף שהיה עני מאוד למצוא איזו זכות על אבות ואמו V'hinei ka'asher meisu, sibev Hashem Yisborach af she'hayah ani me'od l'imtzo eizo zechus al avos v'imo, שמצא אחד שהולך לירושלים והסכים לקח עמו עצמותיהם she'matza echad she'holech l'Yerushalayim v'hiskim l'kakach imo atzmoseihem. So this individual was very poor, had no idea how to fulfill his promise, found somebody, you know you say, can anyone take a small package? Okay. So unusual request, a small package. I have the bones of my parents. Would you mind? Do you have room in your luggage? Room in your luggage. I'm only taking a small carry-on. Do you have room in your luggage for the bones of my parents? ושאל השואל מהרמב\"ם אם צריך למחות ביד הבן ומה עושה בזה מצווה או עבירה V'sha'al ha'shoel me'ha'Rambam im tzarich limchos b'yad ha'ben u'mah oseh b'zeh mitzvah o aveira? So the question of the Rambam, is it right to do, send the bones with someone else? Bury them here? Send them to Israel? הדבר שעשה טוב מאוד וכן עשו גדולי חכמי ישראל Ha'davar she'asa tov me'od, v'chen asu gedolei chachmei Yisrael. The Rambam's short, succinct answer was, what you did is very correct, is right, is righteous, bury in Israel. The Maharshal writes similarly in חידושי אגדות Chiddushei Aggados on בבא בתרא Bava Basra, זכות גדולה היא לאוס נקבר בארץ ישראל zechus gedola hi l'hios nikbar b'Eretz Yisrael, אף מי שמת בחוץ לארץ af mi shemes b'chutz la'aretz וכל שכן מי שבא לשכון בה בחייו v'kol sheken mi sheba lishkon bah b'chayav. It's a big merit, it is a big source of atonement to be buried in the land of Israel. Better to go alive. If you can't go and if you don't go alive, at least go and be buried there. And we find many ממאמרי חז\"ל mima'amrei Chazal he quotes here from several places. In the מדרש בראשית רבה Midrash Bereishis Rabbah, in several places. שהיו חכמים מוליכים מתיהם שנפטרו בחוץ לארץ להיקבר בארץ ישראל She'hayu chachamim molichim meseihem she'nifteru b'chutz la'aretz l'hikaveir b'Eretz Yisrael. ויש שדחו איך יתכן שיעקב ויוסף ציוו על עצמם V'yesh she'dachu eych yitachen she'Yaakov v'Yosef tzivu al atzmam? He says, but now we find some of Chazal the opposite who died outside of Israel and the chachamim said bury them where they are. Don't schlep them. Don't delay, don't bury them in Israel. In fact there are some who object and say, if you see the משניות mishnayos at the end of מועד קטן Moed Katan, we simplified and we made universal our standards of burial. Plain pine casket. You could be the wealthiest Jew in the world, you could be worth billions of dollars, you could have the most ornate and ostentatious coffin, but we say don't. Every Jew, the תכריכין tachrichin, burial shrouds, have no pockets. You know why they have no pockets? A man gets buried in his קיטל kittel. You wear your קיטל kittel ראש השנה Rosh Hashanah, יום כיפור Yom Kippur, פסח סדר Pesach Seder. You may have noticed the קיטל kittel has no pockets. Why does the kittel have no pockets? Why do the תכריכין tachrichin have no pockets? Because you can't take it with you. You can't take it with you. You've never seen a hearse attached to a U-Haul. Ever. You've never seen it. You can't take it with you. You can't take it with you. There are no pockets. So therefore, so therefore, the coffin standard plain pine box. In fact, Yosef is the only one in all of תנ\"ך Tanach who's mentioned is buried in an ארון aron, in a coffin. We know the מנהג minhag in ארץ ישראל Eretz Yisrael is to be buried without a coffin. Yosef is the only one who is mentioned in תנ\"ך Tanach, he's buried in a coffin. So outside of Israel where the מנהג minhag is to bury in a coffin, plain pine casket. I, mine could be gold lettering with the logo from my בר מצוה bar mitzvah in gold. No, plain pine casket. Everyone's the same, you could be worth billions of dollars. My תכריכין tachrichin, I never understood. You see there's a מנהג minhag of some חסידים chasidim, if you go and you go buy a קיטל kittel. I went to buy a new קיטל kittel. They have קיטלעך kittlech with gold on the middle, silver, עטרה atara. I said, what's going on over here? I thought the whole קיטל kittel was supposed to be simple. Ah, so different מנהגים minhagim. Different people have different, different people have different מנהגים minhagim. So, but the kittel is plain. The תכריכין tachrichin, everyone wears the same תכריכין tachrichin. Nobody's got designer, custom-made, the תכריכין tachrichin. I would give you an example of designer, I don't even know who it like, I don't know who you would impress with the designer תכריכין tachrichin. Nobody's got designer, they're all the same. So now to create a standard where the expectation is that everybody gets buried in Eretz Yisrael. You know what it costs to get a grave in Eretz Yisrael? You know what it cost, the flight? You know what it cost, the rental car? You know what it cost, everything to get to Eretz Yisrael? So some are opposed to being buried in Eretz Yisrael because we're going to up, we're going to move the goalposts. We're going to now make it the standard, the expectation for people who can't afford, they'll go into debt. They'll put the kids in public school to bury the parents in Eretz Yisrael. And that's not right. That's not right. The same way in משניות Mishnayos in מועד קטן Moed Katan said we created a standard so that there'd be a universal observance of a coffin, of תכריכין tachrichin.So how is it that Yaakov and Yosef insisted they have to be buried in Eretz Yisrael? So the של\"ה הקדוש Shlah ha'Kadosh, פרשת ויחי Parshas Vayechi, ליישב קושיא זו איך ציווה יעקב ויוסף שיעלו לארץ ישראל l'yashev kushya zu, eych tziva Yaakov v'Yosef she'yaalu l'Eretz Yisrael לאחר שמתו במצרים l'achar she'meisu b'Mitzrayim, כתב דבר נפלא kasav davar nifla. שיעקב ובניו חיו במצרים בסוד אווירא דארץ ישראל She'Yaakov u'vanav chayu b'Mitzrayim b'sod avira d'Eretz Yisrael. אם כן לא מתו במצרים כלל כי הם באוויר דארץ ישראל Im ken, lo meisu b'Mitzrayim klal, ki hem b'avira d'Eretz Yisrael. וכן מרומז בדברי יעקב ושכבתי עם אבותי V'chen merumaz b'divrei Yaakov, v'shachavti im avosai. Yaakov Avinu says, I will lay to rest with my forefathers. שאמות במקום שאבותי שוכנים, דהיינו ארץ ישראל She'amus b'makom she'avosai shom, d'hainu Eretz Yisrael. Yaakov and his sons, what was the היתר heter to leave Eretz Yisrael? Why were they allowed to leave? The answer is they left and they took a piece of Eretz Yisrael with them. When they settled in Goshen, they created an embassy of Eretz Yisrael in Mitzrayim. It was an embassy of Eretz Yisrael in Mitzrayim. Says the Shlah, it was כאילו ke'ilu they were living in an extension, in an expanded Eretz Yisrael. The border of Eretz Yisrael expanded into Mitzrayim. So it was as if living in Mitzrayim. So he said, וקברתני בקבורתם u'kvartani b'kvurasam, he was already entitled because he was כאילו ke'ilu already living in Eretz Yisrael, he was allowed to be moved, he was allowed to be transferred. The ספר ווי העמודים Sefer Vavei ha'Amudim, who was the son of the Shlah, רב שבטל הורוביץ Rav Sheftel Horowitz, who was the son of the Shlah, who took over for the Shlah when the Shlah moved to Eretz Yisrael, he gave a different answer. יעקב אבינו באמת לא מת במצרים, רק בבואו לארץ כנען מת שם Yaakov Avinu b'emes lo meis b'Mitzrayim, rak b'vo'o l'eretz Canaan meis sham. ולכן אמר יעקב ושכבתי עם אבותי V'lachen amar Yaakov v'shachavti im avosai. Yaakov had a little bit of a pulse. They hadn't yet declared him dead. He was terminally ill and he was a גוסס goses, he was just about dead when they took him to Canaan, but in fact they didn't confirm death until he was in Canaan. That's why he was allowed to be buried there. Those are the different reasons the Shlah and his son give for why he was allowed to be buried. I personally, if one can afford it, I understand the concern not everybody can afford it, we don't want to change the standard. If you ask me and and again, I don't want to make anyone, you know, concerned or have doubt or anxious if you already have arrangements outside of Eretz Yisrael. But I went several years ago, I went with a group to Cuba for a day. And we toured Cuba for one day, which was plenty of time. I didn't need any longer in Cuba for that day. And one of the places we went was the Jewish cemetery. And one of the people with us, grandparents had survived the Nazis and fled and like others, they made it to Cuba. And there was a thriving Jewish community in Cuba before the revolution. There was קהילות kehillos, ישיבות yeshivos, and seminaries for girls and shuls and kosher restaurants, a thriving, thriving Jewish community. And the cemetery reflects the affluence and how thriving that community was. The person who was with us, his grandfather is buried in Cuba. And he has a marble headstone, magnificent. His grandmother's not buried in Cuba because before the revolution, they fled, they got out. They got out. This was his first time ever being at the grave of his grandfather, first time ever there. And I thought to myself, you know, when they buried his grandfather, undoubtedly it was a big הספד hesped and a big לויה levaya and the thriving Jewish community buried in Cuba where there would be Jews forever and be able to visit the בית הקברות beis hakvaros. And now Cuba, the Jewish community, I'll tell you a little secret, the Jewish community in Cuba today is mostly intermarried, they're not even Jewish. There are a few Jews left, the majority of the Jewish community in Cuba today is not even technically or הלכתית halachically Jewish. Where is the one place today as we're seeing the spike and rise of anti-Semitism in America, the one place that please God our children, our grandchildren, our great-grandchildren, our great-great-grandchildren and Mirtzes Hashem will always go whether it's for Sukkos, whether it's to live, whether it's for the year in Israel, whether it's in the summer, is Eretz Yisrael. If a person has the capacity, if they don't, they shouldn't feel guilty. If they already have plans and they already have a family plot outside of Israel, by all means, there's a strong מסורה mesorah to be buried there too. I don't mean to make anybody feel concerned. But if you don't yet have plans, first of all BRS has a section in Eretz Yisrael, we have a section here in Hollywood, but if you don't yet have plans, that could be part of the consideration. He continues מצינו בספרים הקדושים כמה עצות למי שאינו יכול להיקבר Matzinu b'sfarim ha'kedoshim kama eitzos l'mi she'eino yachol l'hikaveir. What if you can't be buried in Israel? מה יעשה Ma ya'aseh? How could you be buried in America so as if you're buried in Eretz Yisrael? So here we have a מנהג minhag. We have a מנהג minhag. The מדרש תלפיות Midrash Talpiyos quotes, אם יניחו על עיני המת ועל טבורו ועל מילתו מעפר ארץ ישראל im yanichu al einei ha'mes v'al tiburo v'al milaso mei'afar Eretz Yisrael נחשב לו כאילו הוא קבור ממש בארץ ישראל nechshav lo ke'ilu hu kavur mamash b'Eretz Yisrael. Every לויה levaya I officiate, not in Eretz Yisrael, but here, we have a מנהג minhag. We take עפר מהר הזיתים afar mei'Har ha'Zeisim. We take earth, one of the first funerals I did as the rabbi. This is where there are two types of retired rabbis. There are retired rabbis who are like a thorn in the side of the rabbi. There are retired rabbis who just want to catch the rabbi, who want to מלשין malshin the rabbi, who want to drive the rabbi crazy. And there are retired rabbis like Rabbi Simcha Friedman עליו השלום alav hashalom, who was a very, very special man and a dear friend and mentor to me. And one of the first, he was a beloved member here, Rabbi Simcha Friedman. Those members of BRS undoubtedly remember him. So one of the first funerals I did, I said at the end, we were lowering the casket, I said, 'Now the מנהג minhag is that we place dirt from הר הזיתים Har ha'Zeisim on top of the casket and we buy a matzah.' Afterwards he pulled me aside, he said, 'Rabbi, it would sound a lot nicer if you refer to it as earth, not dirt.' He didn't tell somebody else, 'Ah, the rabbi said dirt.' He didn't, he said so gently, so kindly, 'You know, it sounds a lot nicer, just you think about, something to consider, sounds a lot nicer.' Every funeral, every single funeral since then, I say we'll now place earth from Har ha'Zeisim. Nobody wants to think that we're dumping dirt on their loved one. But we're placing earth from the holy Mount of Olives. Psh. Earth. So the מנהג minhag is, we have members of the חברה קדישא chevra kadisha here, we have an outstanding חברה קדישא chevra kadisha. An outstanding חברה קדישא chevra kadisha, who are busy every night with the חסד של אמת chesed shel emes. The לשון lashon of this week's פרשה parsha, do a חסד ואמת chesed ve'emes with me. Our חברה קדישא chevra kadisha, I can't imagine how many טהרות taharos they've done. So you know that at the end of the טהרה tahara, before we place, before we close the lid of the coffin, we take earth from הר הזיתים Har ha'Zeisim. And we place it, as the מדרש תלפיות Midrash Talpiyos says, we place it on the eyes, we place it on the heart, and we place it on the מילה milah for a male. And then we close after already the, after the טהרה tahara, after the תכריך tachrich, after they're dressed in the תכריכין tachrichin, we lift, we place, we place shards, but underneath the shards, we place earth from הר הזיתים Har ha'Zeisim on the eyes, on the heart, and the מקום המילה makom ha'milah. We do it again at the לויה levaya. When you lower the casket, we sprinkle earth on top of the casket from הר הזיתים Har ha'Zeisim. From, why? It's נחשב כאילו קבור ממש בארץ ישראל nechshav ke'ilu kavur mamash b'Eretz Yisrael. Because it creates a connection, a bond between the person and the land of, and the land of Israel. Interesting. Rav Chaim Palagi has a practice. He says they used to bury along שפת הים sfas hayam. And then it was נחשב כאילו נקבר בארץ ישראל nechshav ke'ilu nikbar b'Eretz Yisrael. I don't know, today maybe it would be the airport, not the שפת הים sfas hayam. The best way, the fastest way was ship. So if you buried along the seashore, you were already on your way, on your way. Today, maybe it's next to the airport. Maybe it's next to the airport would be the closest. Okay, so far we're at the first פסק pasuk. Okay. פרק מ\"ח Perek mem ches, פסק ב' pasuk beis. ויהי אחר הדברים האלה ויאמר ליוסף הנה אביך חולה Vayehi achar ha'dvarim ha'eleh vayomer l'Yosef hinei avicha choleh. Yosef is told your father is sick. ויקח את שני בניו עמו את מנשה ואת אפרים Vayikach es shnei vanav imo es Menashe v'es Efraim. Why does Yosef have to be told his father is sick? Why is he told his father is sick? He gets a call, 'Your father is sick.' Why does he get a call his father's sick? He never visits his father? He never goes? The home that Yaakov lived in the assisted living facility, the nursing home, his brothers, wherever Yaakov's living, they have to call, the concierge service has to call Yosef. I think you should probably come visit your father. He's not doing well. Ooh, he's not doing well, he took a turn, let me get my sons and go. He didn't see him every day? Once a week? He didn't check in ever? Why not? Why not?So, listen to what he says, Otzar P'laos HaTorah. The ראש Rosh in מסכת קידושין Maseches Kiddushin brings a חומרא נפלאה chumra nifla'ah in the מצות כיבוד אב mitzvas kibbud av from the מהר\"ם מרוטנבורג Maharam mi'Rotenburg. The Maharam mi'Rotenburg was the last of the בעלי התוספות baalei ha'Tosafos. The Maharam mi'Rotenburg quotes, the Rosh quotes the Maharam, his rebbe, the Maharam mi'Rotenburg, listen to this incredible comment. שמיום שעלה לגדולה לא היה מקבל את פני אביו וגם לא רצה שיבוא אביו אליו She'miyom she'ala l'gedulah, lo hayah mekabel es pnei aviv, v'gam lo ratza she'yavo aviv elav. Maharam mi'Rotenburg felt the following conflict. From the day that he ascended to greatness, that he had a position of distinction, he never wanted to see his father. Because of the following conflict, what would be? Does he honor his father, or now with his ascension to a prominent position, should his father honor him? ומשמע מדברי הראש טעם הדבר בזה משום דהגמרא במסכת קידושין מסתפקת U'mashma m'divrei ha'Rosh ta'am ha'davar b'zeh mishum d'ha'Gemara b'maseches Kiddushin mistapekes בדין בן שהוא רבו של אביו b'din ben shehu rabo shel aviv. What happens if a son is the rebbe of the father? האם צריך הבן לעמוד בפני אביו או לא Hayim tzarich ha'ben la'amod bifnei aviv o lo? Does the son still have to stand for the father if the son is now the rebbe of the father? And the Gemara leaves it as איבעיא דלא אפשטא ibaya d'lo ifshita. The Gemara doesn't draw a conclusion. The Gemara doesn't pasken halacha l'maaseh. ולא רצה המהר\"ם מרוטנבורג להכניס את עצמו בספק דאורייתא V'lo ratza ha'Maharam mi'Rotenburg l'hachnis es atzmo b'safek d'oraysa. The Maharam mi'Rotenburg, kibbud av v'eim is a din d'oraysa, it's a biblical law. The Maharam mi'Rotenburg didn't want to enter into a case of doubt in a biblical law. Should he stand for his father, not stand for his father, now that he's his father's rebbe? שמא הוא צריך לעמוד מפני אביו, מפני שהוא חייב בכבודו Shema hu tzarich la'amod mipnei aviv, mipnei shehu chayav bichvodo. אם כן, אין זה מן הראוי שיעמוד אביו מפני בנו im ken, ein zeh min ha'ra'uy she'ya'amod aviv mipnei bno. ולכן לא הקביל פני אביו, ולא רצה שיבוא אביו אליו V'lachen lo hikbil pnei aviv, v'lo ratza she'yavo aviv elav. Do I stand for my father, does my father stand for me? You know what's easier? Send him my regards. It's a פלאדיק חומרה peledik chumra of the Maharam mi'Rotenburg. Why is it פלאדיק peledik? I would think, in order to avoid a הלכתא קונדרום halachic conundrum, you're not going to see your father ever again. I would think there's no bigger breach of כיבוד אב ואם kibbud av v'eim than that. What could disappoint a parent more than never seeing, in order to avoid your, you thought you knew the חומרא chumra of the week. It's the new חומרא chumra of the week. Avoid your parent. Again, some don't want to spend Pesach with their parents, and now you have a good out. Can't spend parent, I don't, we can't spend Pesach together. It's a הלכתי חומרה halachic chumra. I don't know if I should stand for you, you should stand for me, better we should be apart for Pesach. חלילה, חלילה Chalila, chalila. So דעת זקנים מבעלי התוספות Daas Z'keinim mi'Baalei ha'Tosafos כתבו kosvu שיוסף לא היה רגיל לבוא אצל יעקב אביו she'Yosef lo hayah ragil lavo etzel Yaakov aviv. Why am I mentioning this here? Why does Otzar P'laos HaTorah bring this down here? Because the דעת זקנים מבעלי התוספות Daas Z'keinim mi'Baalei ha'Tosafos says, that was Yosef's calculation. From when Yaakov came down, Yosef avoided Yaakov as much as possible. Why? שהיה ירא שמא ישאל לו יעקב עניין היאך הורד למצרים She'hayah yarei shema yishal lo Yaakov inyan heich hurad l'Mitzrayim. He wasn't worried about do I stand for my father, does my father stand for me, though that taka was a good question too. On the one hand, it's his father, כיבוד אב ואם kibbud av v'eim. On the other, it's the viceroy of Egypt. You gotta show honor to a king. He had the same הלכתי קונדרום halachic conundrum, the same הלכתי דילמה halachic dilemma, but he had another dilemma. You know what his dilemma was? If Yaakov and Yosef, they're enjoying a glass of wine, they finished their learning the חברותא chavrusa for the day, and they're enjoying some company, a cup of coffee. You think Yaakov's never going to say to Yosef, 'You know, hey Yosef, you never did tell me, how'd you end up down here?' It's never going to come up? 22 years Yaakov was inconsolable. He refused to accept Yosef was dead. He's alerted, he's told, עוד יוסף חי Od Yosef chai, he's still alive. Wow, let's go. He comes down. He didn't ask the brothers? He's never going to ask Yosef, 'You know, you never did tell me, what happened?' 'You know, I got the coat, the special coat, I spent a lot of money on that coat, Yosef. I got it back covered in blood. What, what happened?' Yosef was afraid. אמר פחד שמא יקללם יעקב Amar pachad shema y'kal'lem Yaakov. If he would tell his father, if his father would just read his face and know that it was the brothers, his father might curse his brothers. על כן מיעט לבקרו Al kein, miet l'vakro. And therefore, he avoided seeing his father. That's what the דעת זקנים מבעלי התוספות Daas Z'keinim mi'Baalei ha'Tosafos says. Yosef showed a superhuman allegiance and loyalty to his brothers. know what Yosef is, you know what I do? Dad, let's hang out all the time. I'm a צדיק tzaddik that I didn't volunteer what happened. But he asked, what could I do? I would never tell him. I wouldn't initiate, I wouldn't volunteer it. But my father asked me, כיבוד אב kibud av, what could I do? Yosef with such loyalty and allegiance to his brothers, after an absence of 22 years and desperate to make up for lost time, still avoids his father in order to protect his brothers. You can understand why at the end of our פרשה parsha, it's even more painful that after יעקב Yaakov dies, the brothers have to say, don't kill, don't kill you? Do you know what I've done? I've killed myself over you. And now you're worried I'm going to kill you. אבל לפי דברי הראש שלא היה לו לומר שלא יוסף ירגל את יעקב נעשה ספק. מי הוא זה שחייב לנו כבוד? Aval l'fi divrei haRosh, shelo hayah lo lomar shelo Yosef y'ragel et Yaakov na'asah safek. Mi hu zeh shechayav lino kavod? So says the אוצר פלאות התורה Otzar P'laos HaTorah, says the holy Jew who put this ספר sefer together, good friend of Mr. Lipshitz, רב וואלף זיכערמאן Reb Volf Zicherman, says maybe the פשט pshat in the דעת זקנים מבעלי התוספות Daas Zekeinim MiBaalei HaTosafos is like the מהר\"ם מרוטנבורג Maharam MiRotenburg. Maybe Yosef really had the ספק דאורייתא safek d'Oraisa. Do I stand for my father? Does my father stand for me? He writes in the footnote, שאלתי Sha'alti, I asked רב חיים קנייבסקי Rav Chaim Kanievsky whether this פשט pshat could be correct. Maybe Yosef was like מהר\"ם מרוטנבורג Maharam MiRotenburg, the same חומרא chumra, to which רב חיים Rav Chaim answered a resounding, אולי Uli. I'm sure that was very heartening. אולי Uli. Maybe. Maybe that's the פשט pshat, maybe it's not the פשט pshat. Who knows? Who knows? The רא\"ש Rosh disagrees with his רבי מובהק Rebbe Muvhak. The רא\"ש Rosh seems to reject this. I'm not suggesting we start applying it. The רא\"ש Rosh seems to reject this approach of the מהר\"ם מרוטנבורג Maharam MiRotenburg. Don't worry about your ספק דאורייתא safek d'Oraisa. השם Hashem wants you to spend time with your father. That כיבוד אב ואם kibud av v'eim is spending, both stand the whole time, both sit the whole, figure it out. But he wants you to spend time with your father. פרק מ\"ח פסוק ז' Perek mem-ches pasuk zayin. One of my, I don't want to say favorite פסוק pasuk because it's such a sad פסוק pasuk. The wording, the language of this פסוק pasuk, I point it out every year, I'm sure. Yosef is turning to, יעקב Yaakov rather, is turning to his son בנימין Binyamin. פרק מ\"ח פסוק ז' Perek mem-ches pasuk zayin. And he says, ואני בבואי מפדן V'ani, b'voi miPadan, when I came from Padanaram, מתה עלי רחל בארץ כנען בדרך meisah alai Rachel b'eretz K'naan ba'derech. Rachel went and she died on me. Could you believe it? I had the car for so long. It hit 100,000 miles. And punked when I left Padanaram, the car died on me. I wanted to call you, but my cell phone, it died on me. Whoever heard about a human being you describe as מתה עלי meisah alai? She went and she died on me. Your mother, she died on me. I needed her. How was I supposed to raise all these children and get out for מעריב Maariv in time? מתה עלי Meisah alai, and your mother up and went and died on me. Such a funny wording, no? Like a car, like a phone. מתה עלי Meisah alai. Your mother, she went and died on me. מתה עלי רחל Meisah alai Rachel on our way to אפרתה Efrasa, on our way to אפרת Efrat. ואקברה שם בדרך אפרת היא בית לחם V'ekb'reha sham b'derech Efras, hi Beis Lechem. I had no choice, I buried her there on the path, on the way. What could I do? That's where I buried her. She went up and died on me. Says the מגד יוסף Meged Yosef, says רב יוסף סרוצקין Rav Yosef Sarotzkin, the מגד יוסף Meged Yosef, מתה עלי meisah alai. לשון מתה עלי מעוררת תמיהה, שהרי יעקב אומר זה Lashon meisah alai m'oreret t'miyah, she'harei Yaakov omer zeh, who is יעקב Yaakov saying this to? יוסף Yosef. He's trying to make יוסף Yosef understand, it's not that I didn't love your mother, that's why I left her here. He's filling יוסף Yosef in, and he's telling יוסף Yosef what happened in his absence. Your mother died. Ooh, she's in מערת המכפלה Ma'aras HaMachpela with everybody else? Ooh, no, not quite. She's on the roadside, by herself. Don't worry, I marked the area you can visit. But she's not in this illustrious, prominent, in perpetuity, a place the Jewish people will go. Because she up and went and died on me on the way. I had to leave the car. You ever drive on 95, how many abandoned cars there are? I always wonder, like, what happened? And whoever left that car, did they, they're not coming back for it? So you, that's what יעקב Yaakov tells יוסף Yosef. She went and up and died on me on the side of the road. I had no choice, that's where I buried her. מתה עלי Meisa alai, on me. Whom is יעקב Yaakov telling this to? יוסף Yosef. עלי Alai? True, you were left a widower, but יוסף Yosef was left an orphan. וכי יוסף פחות יתום ממה שיעקב אלמן? V'chi Yosef pachot yasom mimah she'Yaakov alman? Is יוסף Yosef left less of an orphan than יעקב Yaakov is a widower? יוסף Yosef feels less pain than יעקב Yaakov, that יעקב Yaakov communicates Rachel's death only in association with his loss, not יוסף Yosef? So the גמרא Gemara in סנהדרין כ\"ב Sanhedrin chaf beis, כל מקרא זה במקום לכלל kol mikra zeh b'makom l'klal, the גמרא Gemara derives a principle from here, a very painful principle. Some of you know it all too well. That אין אשה מתה אלא לבעלה ein isha meisa ela l'ba'alah. מתה עלי Meisa alai. יעקב Yaakov says to יוסף Yosef, your mother died on me. I know you feel the pain of her loss, but you're married, you have children, you have a life, you have a future. She was my other half. She was my everything. אין אשה מתה אלא לבעלה Ein isha meisa ela l'ba'alah. כפשוטו הוא מתאר את הצער של האלמן, שהוא גדול מצער של שאר קרובים K'pshuto, hu m'ta'er et ha'tza'ar shel ha'almon, shehu gadol mi'tza'ar shel shar krovim. חז\"ל Chazal here characterized of all the people who suffered that loss. And there are people who suffer a loss, נעבעך nebach, maybe the person who died had parents who were still yet alive. They have a spouse, they have siblings, they have children, they have nieces, they have nephews. So many people suffered. But the greatest pain is felt, the most acute pain is felt, the most piercing, inconsolable pain is felt by the spouse. Everybody else was one plus one. I was a child plus you were my parent, a sibling plus you were my sibling, a person plus you were my child. But for the spouse, I was a half, and you made me whole. We were two halves that became a whole. שלא כן אין מתק אין אשה מתה אלא Sh'lachein zeh einum d'yik lashon ein isha meisa ela. But still, wonders the מגד יוסף Meged Yosef, it's true that the pain of the spouse is greater. Doesn't mean others don't have also great pain, but the greatest pain is felt by the spouse. But why does it say אלא ela, only לבעלה l'ba'alah? It should be אין אשה מתה ein isha meisa, a spouse dies and is felt the most by the spouse. Why is the language of חז\"ל Chazal not the most, but אלא ela, only by the spouse? שמורה כל מסתה אינה אלא לבעלה, ולשאר קרוביה אין שום צער כלל? She'moreh kol m'sasah einah ela l'ba'alah, u'l'shar kroveha ein shum tza'ar klal? וכן תמוה ביוסף שכן המקור לכלל זה? V'chein t'muah b'Yosef she'kan ha'makor l'klal zeh? עדיין נשאר ליעקב שלוש נשים Adayin nishar l'Yaakov shalosh nashim. And here he says, טאקע taka, where do we learn this whole rule from, אין אשה מתה אלא לבעלה ein isha meisa ela l'ba'alah? From whom do we learn it from? From יעקב Yaakov. יעקב Yaakov didn't remarry when רחל Rochel died, he still had three wives. He's still plenty of laundry done, plenty of dinners made, plenty of shopping taken care of, plenty of the children being tended to. He had plenty still. Many men remarry quickly because they need to. They'd be lost. They'd be wearing dirty clothing, malnourished, lost, don't know how to get anywhere, never getting on time. They'd be finished. יעקב Yaakov, it's not that he remarried quickly because he'd be lost. He was still married to three women. And that's the person that we learn the rule from, אין אשה מתה אלא לבעלה ein isha meisa ela l'ba'alah? So why אלא ela, asks the מגד יוסף Meged Yosef, what do you mean only? And why from יעקב Yaakov who still had three more wives? איך נאמר שרק הוא הצטער על מסתה של רחל? Eich ne'emar she'rak hu hitzta'er al m'sasah shel Rochel? בזמן שיוסף ובנימין נשארו בלא אם? B'zman she'Yosef u'Binyamin nish'aru b'lo eim? If you're Yosef, you say, listen, Dad, I'm sure that was rough for you losing Mom, but you still have three wives. And Binyamin and I, we have no mother. So what do you mean? מתה עלי Meisa alai. What do you mean on me? ואשר על כן נראה V'asher al kein nir'eh, says the מגד יוסף Meged Yosef, נראה דחז\"ל לא באו בזה ללמדנו את צערם, של כל האבלים, אלא באו להגדיר יחס איש ואשתו Nir'eh d'Chazal lo ba'u b'zeh l'lamdeinu es tza'aram, shel kol ha'aveilim, ela ba'u l'hagdir yachas ish v'ishto. Because of those questions, you see just how compelling our rabbis were trying to characterize what is the goal of a husband and wife, of a relationship, of a marriage. דכל הקורבות הם קרבת דם שקיימת לעולם ועד וגם לאחר מיתה D'chol ha'korvos heim kirvas dam she'kayemet l'olam va'ed v'gam l'achar misah. לאחר מיתת אביו, עדיין הוא אביו ושחייב בכבודו L'achar misas aviv, adayin hu aviv v'she'chayav b'kvodo. A person loses a parent, they remain your parent forever. You say קדיש Kaddish, you observe a יארצייט yahrzeit. You go visit the קבר kever, they're always your parent. לאחר מיתת אחיו, עדיין הוא אחיו שחייב להקים לו זרע L'achar misas achiv, adayin hu achiv she'chayav l'hakim lo zera. A person loses a brother, a sibling, they remain forever your sibling, so much so that the הלכה halacha of the Torah says, if a sibling died without a child, you have to do יבום yibum. You have to continue their name. But יחס איש ואשתו בטל לגמרי לאחר מיתה yachas ish v'ishto batel l'gamrei l'achar misah. You might think that the husband and wife relationship, it's now nullified, it's now done, it's finished, it's severed. כלשון המשנה, קונה את עצמה K'lashon haMishnah, kones atzmah. How does a woman find freedom? What makes her eligible to marry again? The משנה Mishna in קידושין Kiddushin says two things. גט Get and מיתת הבעל misas ha'ba'al. Those two ways. When I was back in ישיבה Yeshiva, I'll never forget a Friday we were rallying in Manhattan. A man who refused to give his wife a גט get. Even back then we had עגונות agunos, even back then we rallied. So we rallied on a Friday, took, didn't have to take off time from learning, outside this man's office. We had, we had signs going up and down the sidewalk in Manhattan. And someone thought of a great, a great jingle, a great thing that we would say. What was it? Two ways a woman goes free, the person's name, so-and-so, which way is it gonna be? Then we were told that's probably a bad idea. What are the two ways a woman goes free? Either give the גט get or the death of the husband. It's a story of רבי עקיבא איגר Rebbi Akiva Eiger. Someone once went to see רבי עקיבא איגר Rebbi Akiva Eiger over the issue of giving a גט get. רבי עקיבא איגר Rebbi Akiva Eiger tried to persuade him, you have to give the גט get. הלכתית Halachically it's proper, it's time to give the גט get. And the man refused. He said, look, there's two ways that a woman's going to go free. It's a משנה Mishna in קידושין Kiddushin. So I'm just telling you, she'll either go free because you give the גט get, it's the right thing to do, let's do it right now, or the משנה Mishna says מיתת הבעל misas ha'ba'al. The man told off רבי עקיבא איגר Rebbi Akiva Eiger, swore he'd never give the גט get. He walked out of the office, he tripped on the stairs and died on the way down. It's a story of רבי עקיבא איגר Rebbi Akiva Eiger. He died on the way down the stairs. So, קונה את עצמה בגט ובמיתת הבעל kones atzmah b'get u'v'misas ha'ba'al. Two ways a woman goes free, by giving a גט get or the death of the husband. והוא משום שכל קרבתם נבעה מכוח אישות V'hu mishum she'kol kirvasam nav'ah mikoach ishus. So all the other relationships are blood relationships, parents, children, siblings, they're all blood relationships. A spouse is not a blood relationship. It's the only one that you could have divorce. You can't emancipate in הלכה halacha from your parents, from your siblings. That's a bond that is eternal. But a spouse, it is created and it can also be severed. ולכן קבעו חז\"ל שאין אשה מתה אלא לבעלה V'lachein kav'u Chazal she'ein isha meisa ela l'ba'alah. שכל קרבתם בטלה, מה שאין כן לשאר קרובים, שהיחס נמשך גם לאחר מיתה, ואינה המיתה מפקיעה את קרבה She'kol kirvasam b'teilah, ma she'ein kein l'shar krovim, sheha'yachas nimshach gam l'achar misah, v'einah ha'misah mafki'a es kurvah. In all the other cases, there's a blood connection that remains. But when it comes to a spouse, it feels more permanent. The sever, the break feels that it runs deeper, and that's why the pain is the greatest. And that's why it's אלא ela. There's something about death when it comes to a spouse that is definitionally, categorically different than it is when it comes to every other relative. And that's why it says אלא ela, and that's why it says עלי alai. That's the pain that feels, that's the sensitivity that we should have for someone who loses a spouse, the pain that they are enduring, the pain that they are going through. מתה עלי רחל Meisah alai Rachel. The אוצר פלאות התורה Otzar P'laos HaTorah has a comment here as well. אוצר פלאות התורה Otzar P'laos HaTorah says, מתה עלי רחל Meisa alai Rachel. Why she's not buried in מערת המכפלה Ma'aras HaMachpela? The חזקוני Chizkuni writes טעם נפלא למה נקברה רחל בבית לחם ta'am nifla lama nikverah Rachel b'Beis Lechem. Pasuk here says she's buried in בית לחם Beis Lechem, she's not buried in, in מערת המכפלה Ma'aras HaMachpela. Why isn't she buried in מערת המכפלה Ma'aras HaMachpela? So the חזקוני Chizkuni says, שמתה רחל ידי קושי לידת בנימין she'meisah Rachel y'dei koshi leidas Binyamin. Listen to this חזקוני Chizkuni. Rachel died during childbirth. וגנאי לאשה יולדת שמתה להוליכה למרחוק להשותה, פן יתלכלכו התכריכין מן הדם U'gnai l'isha yoledes she'meisah l'holichah l'merchok l'hashosah, pen yit'lachlechu ha'tachrichim min ha'dam. She died from hemorrhaging during childbirth. If you are a member of a חברא קדישא Chevra Kadisha, you know that if somebody hemorrhages, they have bleeding that you can't stop, it runs the risk of soiling תכריכין tachrichin and it is very demeaning for the מת meis, and we seek to preserve the honor of the מת meis. So says the חזקוני Chizkuni, what Yaakov was telling Yosef is your mother died during childbirth. I couldn't afford to delay by taking her to bury her in מערת המכפלה Ma'aras HaMachpela. She would be soiled, covered in the blood of hemorrhaging during childbirth, and therefore I had no choice but to bury her right here. I had to do it immediately. I couldn't wait, and that wasn't dishonoring her, that was the way to honor her, by not waiting, by not delaying, by doing it immediately. The רמב\"ן Ramban disagrees. The רמב\"ן Ramban says, והיה ליעקב מקנה כבד מאד v'hayah l'Yaakov mikneh kaved me'od. Yaakov had a lot of assets. Yaakov had a lot of property. So even though מערת המכפלה Ma'aras HaMachpela was a short time, a half-day journey from בית לחם Beis Lechem, but with all of the entourage that Yaakov had, what he said is, who did you want me to abandon? Who did you want me to throw overboard? I had this whole entourage, to take the time, true, as the, what's the expression? As the eagle flies? True, it's a half a day journey on the GPS. I got it. Waze, Google Maps, they all tell you it's half a day. But they don't know the entourage I had that would slow us down, and it would have taken a lot longer, and therefore I had no choice, I had to bury her right here. That's the רמב\"ן Ramban. The רמב\"ן Ramban says another explanation. טעם זה אינה אלא דברי התנצלות שהתנצל יעקב ליוסף, עיקר הטעם שלא קבר יעקב את רחל במערת המכפלה, שיעקב היה מתבייש מאבותיו, על שנשא שתי אחיות Ta'am zeh einah ela divrei his'natzlus she'his'natzel Yaakov l'Yosef, ikar ha'ta'am she'lo kavar Yaakov es Rachel b'Ma'aras HaMachpela, she'Yaakov hayah mit'bayesh m'avosov, al she'nasa shtei achayos. לכן לא קבר את רחל אצל לאה במערת המכפלה Lachein lo kavar es Rachel eitzel Leah b'Ma'aras HaMachpela. Yaakov was ashamed and embarrassed that he had violated the Torah by marrying two women. So in this world and at that time, he had a היתר heter to be married to two sisters, to be married. But in perpetuity he wouldn't. And therefore, he only, he only buried one, לאה Leah, there and not רחל Rachel, and not רחל Rachel. Okay. The רדב\"ז Radvaz in a תשובה teshuva, חלק ב' סימן תרע\"ו chelek beis siman taf-reish-ayin-vav writes, אם ידעת למה זכתה לאה להקבר במערת המכפלה, ורחל בפרשת דרכים, תבין סוד שתי אחיות im yadata lama zachsah Leah l'hikavar b'Ma'aras HaMachpela, v'Rachel b'parashas drachim, tavin sod shtei achayos. If you knew the truth about why Leah merited to be buried in Ma'aras HaMachpela, and why Rachel was buried on the side of the road, you would know the secret of these two sisters. And he leaves it very ambiguous, very enigmatic, very mysterious like that. If you knew the answer, then you would know the secret of these two sisters. I don't know the secret of the רדב\"ז Radvaz. I'm not a mystic, although by now I look like I'm old enough to be studying קבלה Kabbalah. But I still feel young enough that I can't. But perhaps what he means is the following. And I've shared this with you before. It's a very, very powerful image and a very powerful idea. When Rachel is buried on the side of the road, what's the significance? What do we know from חז\"ל Chazal, what do we know from the נביא Navi, and what do we sing, one of the most beautiful songs? מאמע רחל Mama Rachel, cry for me. Cry for us, מאמע רחל Mama Rachel. Why? That when Jewish people would go into exile, when the Babylonians would lead us, today עשרה בטבת Asarah B'Teves, when that siege would be successful, when the בית המקדש Beis HaMikdash and ירושלים Yerushalayim would fall, when we would be exiled, where would we pass? We'd pass קבר רחל Kever Rachel. That would be the route that we would take. מאמע רחל Mama Rachel, cry for us. Cry for us. And the מדרש Medrash tells us, we read about it on תשעה באב Tisha B'Av, that when all the other great ones of our history appealed and advocated and went to Hashem on our behalf, none of them were successful. It's only the pleas and the cries of מאמע רחל Mama Rachel. רחל אמנו Rachel Imeinu, she suffered so long, all she wanted was to be a mother. Rachel, she was the love of יעקב Yaakov, the apple of his eye. She was יעקב Yaakov's love. They had a raging, mad love. They were absolutely in love. And that meant the world to Rachel, but still, you know what she wanted? All she wanted was, I just want to be a mother. לאה Leah, she's popping out kids like no tomorrow. She's popping out kids like nobody's business. She says it's nice that I keep popping out kids, I'm the fertile crescent, but all I want, all I want, is a little of יעקב Yaakov's attention. I just want to be יעקב Yaakov's wife. He's always running to my sister, he loves my sister. I see the way he looks at my sister. I just want to be יעקב Yaakov's wife. And what do each of them get in perpetuity? In this lifetime, רחל Rachel had to wait and be patient and struggle to be a mother. In this lifetime, לאה Leah struggled, feeling she's second fiddle to her sister רחל Rachel as יעקב Yaakov's wife. But what do they get forever in perpetuity? לאה Leah is forever buried right next to יעקב Yaakov in מערת המכפלה Ma'aras HaMachpela, she and she alone. And רחל Rachel forever is known as מאמע רחל Mama Rachel, רחל אמנו Rachel Imeinu, רחל אמנו Rachel Imeinu. Maybe that's the סוד sod of these two אחיות achayos, the secret of these two sisters, that even though in this lifetime sometimes you don't get what you want, sometimes you have to wait and be patient, sometimes it doesn't seem it will work out, but their legacy, how they are remembered, who they are in perpetuity, לאה Leah is forever יעקב Yaakov's wife, the only one buried next to him in, in מערת המכפלה Ma'aras HaMachpela. And רחל Rachel though she's on the side of the road is forever, she's מאמע רחל Mama Rachel. That's how we think of her, that is her name. רב חיים שמואלביץ Rav Chaim Shmuelevitz has another idea. רש\"י Rashi here on this פסוק pasuk, ואני בבואי מפדן v'ani b'voi miPadan, when I was coming from Padanaram, מתה meisa, your mother, she went up and died on me, and I buried her right here. And now יעקב Yaakov feels he has to explain to Yosef. ואף על פי שאני מטריח עליך להוליכני להקבר בארץ כנען V'af al pi she'ani mat'riach alecha l'holicheni l'hikavar b'eretz K'naan, says רש\"י Rashi, why does יעקב Yaakov feel he needs to explain to Yosef? Your mother, I left her right here where she dropped dead, that's where I buried her. Me, I just made you promise me that what? You're going to buy a ticket, you'll probably need business class. You're going to need to go on the airline, last minute. By the way, if you don't know this, never tell the airline. Everyone mistakenly thinks that airlines have a special bereavement fee. You know what their bereavement fee is? Double the normal fee, because they know that you really need to go, you don't have a choice of which day to go. I don't mean to rank on all the airlines, some work better with you than others, but there's no such thing. It's one of the great myths of a bereavement fee. So יעקב Yaakov says, I know what you're thinking, Yosef. Me, I just made you promise you're going to bury me in Israel no matter what it's going to cost. While your mother, exactly where she dropped dead, I took a shovel, I dug a hole, I put her right there. So you're probably wondering how could I mistreat your mother and demand such honor from you. So let me tell you how. לא כך עשיתי לאמך Lo kach asisi l'imecha. It's not what I did to your mother. שסמוך לבית לחם מתה She'samuch l'Beis Lechem meisa, she died right there. ולא תאמר שעכבו ידי גשמים, מלהוליכה ולקברה בחברון V'lo tomar she'ikvu y'dei g'shamim, mi'l'holichah u'l'kavrah b'Chevron. Don't think it was raining and I was lazy, I'd get all wet, I'd get covered in mud, I just didn't want to because it was bad weather. Don't think that's the reason because it was the dry season, that's not the reason. You know why I buried her right there? דע לך, שעל פי הדיבור קברתיה שם Dah lachah, she'al pi ha'dibur k'varticha sham. Know, it's because a בת קול bas kol went out and Hashem said, bury her there. So רב חיים שמואלביץ Rav Chaim Shmuelevitz wonders, the great שיחות מוסר Sichos Mussar, רב חיים שמואלביץ Rav Chaim Shmuelevitz, the great ראש ישיבה Rosh Yeshiva of the Mir, he says, יעקב אבינו Yaakov Avinu is explaining to יוסף Yosef, אנוס על פי הדיבור Ones al pi ha'dibur. I couldn't, I wanted to, I couldn't. He said I can't. I would have given anything, I would have done anything to take her to ארץ ישראל Eretz Yisrael to put her in מערת המכפלה Ma'aras HaMachpela next to me. But I'm אנוס על פי הדיבור ones al pi ha'dibur, Hashem said no. This is the place, right here. So why do you have to offer the rest of the explanations? I know you think maybe it's raining, no it was dry. You think it was a long shlep, no I could have gotten it there. I know you think all these other reasons. Why is Yaakov giving the rest of the explanations? Why is he even aware? Why did he even think about the rest of them? And רב חיים שמואלביץ Rav Chaim Shmuelevitz says an unbelievable principle here. He says, you know why? It's because when Yaakov first heard the בת קול bas kol say, bury her right here, he said to himself, is that really Hashem's will, or do I want it to be Hashem's will because it's the easy way out? Because it'd be so much more convenient, because it would be a שלעפּ shlep, and I have a big entourage, and it would be hard, and she's still hemorrhaging and bleeding. I have a million and one reasons why it's easier to do it here, so am I doing it here because that's what he wants, or am I doing it here because that's what's more convenient and easier for me? Says רב חיים שמואלביץ Rav Chaim Shmuelevitz, this רש\"י Rashi, יעקב אבינו Yaakov Avinu is teaching us a rule, that even when we have a way out, we have a legitimate reason we couldn't דאַוונען daven with a מנין minyan that day. שחרית Shacharis. You had to do carpool. Somebody needed a favor, you're עוסק במצוה osek b'mitzva, you couldn't make it to שחרית Shacharis. You had a sniffle, a cold. Everybody's been שרייען shraying, don't come to שול shul if you even think you don't feel well. You look like somebody who doesn't feel well, don't come to shul. You have a legitimate reason not to come. But you should stop yourself and say, am I not coming because I have the legitimate reason, or did I rush to conclude I have a legitimate reason because it's so much more convenient to not come? Says רב חיים שמואלביץ Rav Chaim Shmuelevitz, Yaakov was double-checking that אנוס על פי הדיבור ones al pi ha'dibur, it was דוקא על פי הדיבור davka al pi ha'dibur, that it was really the will of Hashem and not only his own will that was getting him. ויברך את יוסף Vay'varech es Yosef, now we turn to these ברכות brachos. פרק מ\"ח, פסוק ט\"ו Perek mem-ches, pasuk tes-vav. We're going to try to squeeze in a lot in the last 10 minutes. ויברך את יוסף ויאמר, האלהים אשר התהלכו אבותי Vay'varech es Yosef vayomar, Ha'Elokim asher his'halchu avosai. יעקב Yaakov gives these ברכות brachos, יוסף Yosef's children, all the שבטים shvatim. Are they really ברכות brachos? Some of them seem like a very harsh rebuke. Such ברכות brachos who needs? But we'll see in a moment. So the פסוק pasuk tells us ויברך את יוסף vay'varech es Yosef. Wonders רב שטרנבוך Rav Sternbuch, טוב טעם ודעת tov ta'am v'daas. Listen to this רב שטרנבוך Rav Sternbuch. If you came for nothing else today, this רב שטרנבוך Rav Sternbuch, whoo-wah. What a רב שטרנבוך Rav Sternbuch. To שמעק shmeck. Listen to רב שטרנבוך Rav Sternbuch. תמוה, הרי לא מצינו במקרא ברכה שבירך את יוסף Tamuah, harei lo matzinu b'mikra bracha she'beirech es Yosef. The ספורנו Sforno makes a comment about this. Look at the תורה Torah, תורה Torah records, תורה Torah testifies, and now יעקב Yaakov blessed יוסף Yosef. And then it goes on, and he blesses אפרים Ephraim and מנשה Menasheh, he never comes back to giving a ברכה bracha to יוסף Yosef. What happened? How could you say ויברך את יוסף ויאמר Vay'varech es Yosef vayomar, he blessed יוסף Yosef and he said, where's the ברכה bracha to יוסף Yosef? ונראה לבאר V'nireh l'va'er, says רב שטרנבוך שליט\"א Rav Sternbuch shlita, listen to this, שעיקר הברכה לאדם, לזכות לראות בניו הולכים בדרכו She'ikar ha'bracha l'adam, lizkos liros bonov holchim b'darko. דמי שבניו הולכים בדרך השם, אינו מת לעולם D'mi she'bonov holchim b'derech Hashem, eino meis l'olam. תורה Torah says ויברך את יוסף Vay'varech es Yosef. השם Hashem, יעקב Yaakov gave יוסף Yosef a ברכה bracha. And what was the ברכה bracha? יוסף Yosef, יעקב Yaakov then gives a ברכה bracha to מנשה Menasheh and אפרים Ephraim. The greatest ברכה bracha for a parent is to have children and grandchildren on the דרך derech. To have children and grandchildren who are living rich, passionate, proud, practicing Jewish lives. That's the biggest ברכה bracha for a parent. Because the תכריכין tachrichin don't have pockets. Because you can't attach a U-Haul to a hearse. So what are you going to take with you? All the things you accumulated and amassed, your big portfolio, your real estate holdings, your stock, your, what are you going to take with you? All your silver, all your diamonds? You can't take any of that with you. You know what you could take with you? The merit of being a link in a chain and leaving children and grandchildren who will continue a life of תורה Torah and מצוות mitzvos. What a ברכה bracha. Is there a bigger ברכה bracha in the world? Many people don't appreciate what a ברכה bracha that is. You know when you know it's a ברכה bracha, when you can feel the קללה klalah of being concerned about children or a child or grandchildren who are struggling to find their way. We spoke on שבת Shabbos, אל תרגיזו בדרך al tirgisihu ba'derech. There are many legitimate paths. There's not one way. יעקב Yaakov had 12 children. One was אשכנזי Ashkenazi, one was ספרדי Sefardi, one was ליטוויש Litvish, one was חסידיש Chassidish, one was ויז'ניץ Vizhnitz, באבוב Bobov, בעלז Belz, they were all kinds. They were on different דרכים drachim. One wore a כיפה סרוגה kipa sruga, one wore a שטריימל shtreimel, one wore a black hat. And יעקב אבינו Yaakov Avinu said, I love them all. I got a lot of מניינים minyanim to cover on a שבת Shabbos morning, but I love them all. We're one family. But then there's also the, not on any of those דרכים drachim, trying to find their דרך derech. That's very painful. So what's the biggest ברכה bracha? רב שטרנבוך Rav Sternbuch referencing the ספורנו Sforno here. ויברך את יוסף Vay'varech es Yosef. What do you mean he gave a ברכה bracha to יוסף Yosef? Where's the ברכה bracha to יוסף Yosef? Find it in the text, it's not there. It is there. The ברכה bracha to יוסף Yosef's children, that's the biggest ברכה bracha to יוסף Yosef. וכן מצאתי בפירוש בזהר הקדוש V'chein matzasim b'fiurish b'Zohar Kadosh. says רב שטרנבוך Rav Sternbuch, I found this explicit in the זהר Zohar. מהי קרא, יש להסתכל ביה, ויברך את יוסף, ולא אשכחן הכא ברכה דברך ליוסף אלא לבנוהי Mai kra is l'histakla bei, vay'varech es Yosef, v'lo ashkachan ha'cha bracha d'barech l'Yosef ela l'banohi. אילו לבנוי בריך, מין בעי ליה? Iluv noi v'varech, min b'oyei lei? מה ויברך? Ma v'yivarech? ולא הכי, אלא אשכחן דאתברך יוסף V'lo achi, elah ashkachin d'izbarech Yosef. אמר רבי יוסף, אס דייקא דכתיב, את יוסף, ברכתא דבנוי הוא Amar Rabbi Yosef, as daika d'ch'siv, as Yosef, birkasa d'bnoi hava. בכד אתברכן בנוי, הוא מתברך B'kad izbarchan b'noi, hu misbarech. דבברכתא דבנוי, דבר נש ברכתא איהי D'bi'birkasa d'bnoi, dvar nash birkasa ihi. שדורש מריבוי של יוסף, שנתברך במה שבניו קבלו ברכה, אין לך ברכה כמו זו, שיזכה לבנים ויתברכו She'dorsh mi'ribui shel Yosef, she'nisbarech b'mah she'bonov kiblu bracha, ein l'cha bracha k'mo zu, she'yizkeh l'bonim v'yisbarchu. וישמם כשם אברהם ויצחק V'yishamem k'shem Avraham v'Yitzchak. The biggest ברכה bracha you can have is to have children and to have children who stay on the path. That is the ברכה bracha. ויברך את יוסף Vay'varech es Yosef. The ברכה bracha to יוסף Yosef was the ברכות brachos to מנשה Menasheh and אפרים Ephraim. Never take it for granted. It's the biggest ברכה bracha that we could that we could have. Okay, what should we do? בחרבי ובקשתי, פרק מ\"ח פסוק כ\"ב B'charbi u'v'kashti. Perek mem-ches pasuk kaf-beis. ואני נתתי לך שכם אחד על אחיך, אשר לקחתי מיד האמרי V'ani nasati l'cha shechem echad al achecha, asher lakachti miyad ha'Emori. Now, יעקב Yaakov gives these ברכות brachos. We don't have time to get into it, but all of them מפרשים m'farshim point out these ברכות brachos are an incredibly harsh rebuke. שמעון Shimon and לוי Levi, you're impetuous, you give into your impulse, you almost got us all killed when you took on שכם Shechem. Yeah, I'm waiting for the ברכה bracha, Dad. Where's the ברכה bracha? For געזונט gezunt and פרנסה parnassah, I should marry off my children. No, I'm telling you that you're impulsive and you're impetuous and you almost got us all killed. And they all point out, you know what the biggest ברכה bracha you could give your children? This פרשת parshas is a huge lesson in parenting. Don't be a helicopter parent, don't be a bulldozer parent. They used to be helicopter parents. Rabbi Kaminsky spoke last Shabbos. Helicopter parents would come in and rescue their children. No child should ever have to rescue themselves. No child should ever have to have a skim knee, no child should ever have to have a bad grade, no child should ever get eliminated from the playoffs of their flag football. Parents come in and helicopter. But now there's not helicopter parents. They have what they call snowblower, bulldozer, up north they call them snowblower parents. We don't know what that means. We call them bulldozer parents. You know what the bulldozer parents do? They bulldoze all the obstacles from in front of the child. חס ושלום Chas v'shalom, they should never have to face an obstacle. They took away the SATs. You know why they took away the SATs? It's mean. You could only get into college, you get better if you took good at, that's mean. What about someone who went to well? That's so mean. So we bulldoze, we eliminate all the obstacles, no one can ever tell you anything you have to do. יעקב אבינו Yaakov Avinu says, I want to give my children ברכות brachos. You know what the biggest ברכה bracha I can give is? By pointing out what you need to work on. Not by giving a participation trophy to all my children. Not by telling every child you're the greatest, you're the best, you're the most amazing. I have big inner debates. I know why we do it. We have to do it. We do it because it's what this generation needs. But every בר מצוה Bar Mitzvah and בת מצוה Bat Mitzvah today, we talk about this child like they're the greatest gift to the world, like no one's ever been better, no one's ever done more. They've got the greatest potential. I'm guilty of it. That's what I do for a living on שבת Shabbos mornings. I understand it. This child is now a franchise, they have a logo, they're a franchise, they're the greatest. We talk about all their virtues, all their everything. I understand it. They're all true, everything we say about the children is true. We're not making it up. It's beautiful. And this is what children today need. We get further by emphasizing their positives and pushing them and it's wonderful. I'm not saying we should stop. It's what's necessary today. ירידת הדורות yir'as ha'doros. But, but, I'm not saying the רבי Rebbe or the parent or the זיידע zeide at the speech, at the סעודה seudah has to get up and talk about all the things. You know it's to follow יעקב אבינו Yaakov Avinu and say, you're great in this way, this way, and this way, but I'd like to just mention, you could try a little harder in גמרא שיעור Gemara shiur. I just want to mention that your room is a pretty big messy pigsty. You could do a little, I'm not saying you have to do it publicly. But יעקב אבינו Yaakov Avinu teaches us that the biggest ברכה bracha is not telling someone how perfect, how great, how amazing, how, the biggest ברכה bracha is to say, here's where we need to work on. I've worked on, here's what I needed to work on in my life, here's what you need to work on, here's how you'll grow from working on it. So what does he tell לוי Levi and שמעון Shimon? You're impetuous, you're impulsive, you almost got us all killed. What saved us? What saved us? My sword and my bow. בחרבי ובקשתי b'charbi u'v'kashti. That's what saved us. That's what saved us? Did יעקב Yaakov take up arms? Says רב סולובייצ'יק Rav Soloveitchik, בחרבי ובקשתי B'charbi u'v'kashti, my sword and my bow, the תרגום Targum translates these two words as צלותהון ובעותהון tzlos'hon u'va'us'hon. צלותהון ובעותהון Tzloson u'va'uson, we say in ברכת שמים Bircas Shmayim, we say in קדיש דאתקבל Kaddish d'iskabel. What do those two words mean? צלותהון ובעותהון Tzloson u'va'uson, תפילה tfilah, prayer. My sword and my bow are two types of prayer. Since there's no record of יעקב Yaakov having done battle with the Amorites, the distinction between the sword and the bow is that the sword is used for close combat, while the bow and arrow is used by the archer at a distance. Correspondingly, צלותהון tzloson are prayers for our immediate personal needs, wisdom, health and sustenance. בעותהון Ba'uson are prayers that relate to Jewish destiny and ultimate redemption. There are prayers that reflect our immediate need, and then there are the more global Jewish prayers. And that's what's reflected, says the רב Rav, in בחרבי ובקשתי b'charbi u'v'kashti, the two types of prayers. But it all ends with this throwback to Rav Druk. בחרבי ובקשתי B'charbi u'v'kashti, בצלותי ובאעותי b'tzlosi u'v'ausi. See, because כפשוטו k'pshuto. So why didn't why didn't the Torah tell us that? If what Yaakov was saying was, I saved you through our through my תפילה tefillah. What do you mean, not my sword and my and my arrow? That's not who we were saved from the אמורי Emori with.So the reason is, שעל אונקלוס שלא מפורש שהייתה מלחמה בשכם she'al Onkelos shelo meforash she'haysa milchama b'Shechem. הרי נאמר Harei ne'emar, ויהי חתת אלוקים על כל הערים אשר סביבותיהם ולא רדפו אחרי בני יעקב Vayehi chitas Elokim al kol ha'arim asher svivoseihem v'lo radfu acharei bnei Yaakov. וכיוון שלא הייתה מלחמה, מדוע אמר חרב וקשת V'keivan she'lo haysa milchama, madua amar cherev v'keshes? There was no war with שכם Shechem. Levi and Shimon successfully wiped them out under the ruse of you need a ברית bris if you're gonna marry our sister, everyone needs to get a ברית bris, and then they wiped them out. There was no war. ואף ששמעון ולוי הרגו בחרבם את כל שכם V'af she'Shimon v'Levi hargu b'charbam es kol Shechem, מדוע אמר יעקב חרבי וקשתי madua amar Yaakov charbi v'kashti? True, Levi and Shimon used the sword to go eliminate all the people of שכם Shechem. However, why does it say my sword and my bow? מכוח זה הוכרח אונקלוס לפרש שהכוונה לתפילתו של יעקב Mikoach zeh huchrach Onkelos l'faresh shehakavana l'tfilaso shel Yaakov. So it must be Yaakov was not talking about actual war, and he was not referring to actual weapons. What was he talking about? תפילה Tefillah, prayer.So what do you see is the most successful component or element of war? Of course, it's the army. In Israel, we have awe. We should דאווענען davenen every day for our soldiers, our courageous heroic soldiers who are protecting not only our brothers and sisters in Israel, but Jews around the world. Of course it's our army. And of course it's the military. Of course it's the weapons. But what is the real success of war? It's תפילה tefillah, it's דאווענען davening. תפילתו של יעקב היתה החרב והקשת האמיתית שהרגה את אנשי שכם Tfilaso shel Yaakov haysa ha'cherev v'hakeshes ha'amitis she'hargah es anshei Shechem. Yes, it was Levi and Shimon's acumen, physical prowess, military superiority. But says Yaakov, make no mistakes. You know why we were successful? בחרבי ובקשתי B'charbi u'v'kashti, because of my my sword and my shield and my bow. Bear with me one more minute. You saved time on breakfast and lunch today, so we have two more minutes. הנה בביאור 'אך פעלת צלותי ובעותי', פירש המשך חכמה Hinei b've'ur 'ach pa'alt tzlosi u'v'ausi', peiresh ha'Meshech Chochma. He quotes the משך חכמה Meshech Chochma who explains to you the following. צלותי Tzlosi, you say that, תפילה קבועה tefillah kevua. ובאעותי הוא בקשה U'v'ausi hu bakasha. צלותי Tzlosi means my regular תפילות tefillos, שחרית מנחה מעריב Shacharis Mincha Maariv, my regular ordinary my my תפילה קבועה tefillah kevua. בָּעוּתִי B'ausi means בקשה bakasha, special what I inserted, my special request, special needs. אשר אמר אם רוצה אדם לחדש בתפילתו Asher amar im rotzeh adam l'chadesh b'tfilaso, כל ברכה שואל אדם צרכיו kol bracha sho'el adam tzrachav. We have the template of our עמידה Amidah. We have what we say as part of the script, and then we have what we insert into each ברכה bracha. רפאינו Refa'einu, the people are דאווענען davening so hard they should have a רפואה שלמה refuah shleima. ברך עלינו Barech Aleinu, we should have a פרנסה parnassah. סלח לנו Slach Lanu, forgive me, I've made mistakes. ולירושלים V'liYerushalayim on this day of עשרה בטבת Asara B'Teves, we want redemption. הנה נפקא מינה כי סדר תפילה זו עבודה קבועה אם כיוון לבו מה טוב Hinei nafka mina ki seder tefillah zu avodah kevua im kivein libo ma tov, ואם לא כיוון לבו יצא v'im lo kivein libo yatza. כי כבר נהג מורגל וסגי ki kvar nohag murgal v'sagi. אך לא כן בחידוש Ach lo chen b'chidush. So that which we say is part of the template of the script, even if I'm not paying attention, it works. But what I introduce, what's new, what I author, it has to be authentic, I have to be paying attention, כוונה יתרה kavanah yeseira. הנה חרב הוא בעצמו מזיק Hinei cherev hu b'atzmo mazik. You know, a sword on its own, you don't have to be paying attention. The sharp sword, it pierces on its own. שהברזל שיש לו חידוד ממיס בכל שהוא She'habarzel she'yesh lo chidud meimis b'chol shehu. A sharp sword, metal that has a point, it pierces, it can kill. But a bow, what do you have to do with the bow? You have to draw it back. If you don't pull the bow back, it's not going anywhere. The bow, you have to pay attention, you have to be mindful, you have to be. So that's what the משך חכמה Meshech Chochma says. בחרבי ובקשתי B'charbi u'v'kashti. צלותי ובעותי Tzlosi u'v'ausi. בחרבי B'charbi with the sword, that's like the ordinary script, the template of תפילה tefillah, you just have to say it and it works. But בקשתי b'kashti, the part of תפילה tefillah which is like a bow, you have to be mindful, conscious, paying attention, has to be authentic. You have to pull back. And by the way, it's a beautiful קאצקער Kotsker. You know what else about the bow? The closer you pull it back to you, the more you put on it, the further it goes. With תפילה tefillah too. The closer you pull it towards you, the more it represents you, authentic you, the further it goes. The קאצקער Kotsker says, a little bonus, קאצקער Kotsker says that when it comes to, it says about children, כחיצים ביד גיבור k'chitzim b'yad gibor. Children are described like a arrow in the hands of the archer. Why are children like an arrow in the hands of the archer? So the the קאצקער Kotsker says, because you know with children, the closer you pull them towards you, when it's time to release them, when they graduate your home and they go out into life, so if you want them to hit the target, if you want them to travel with the straight velocity, not waver and not fall and not be affected by the wind, the closer you pull towards you, the further, the more direct, the faster, the more on target they're going to fly. So that's בחרבי ובקשתי b'charbi u'v'kashti says the משך חכמה Meshech Chochma, צלותי ובעותי tzlosi u'v'ausi. But one more, the גרי\"ז Griz, the בריסקער רב Brisker Rav. חילוק בין חרב לקשת Chiluk bein cherev l'keshes. חרב בעצמו דבר שחותך והורג Cherev b'atzmo davar she'chotech v'horeg. קשת Keshes, but the bow, the arrows are sharp, but they have no כח koach on their own. So the two types of תפילה tefillah, אנשי כנסת הגדולה Anshei Knesses HaGedolah, the תפילה tefillah that we feel, every one of us, very similar to the משך חכמה Meshech Chochma. כחיצים ביד גיבור K'chitzim b'yad gibor. Okay. We're out of time. I ויברך אותם Vayevarech osam. ויקברו אותו Vayikberu oso. bury them. In our דרשה drasha ויקברו אותו vayikberu oso. One more אוצר פלוס התורה Otzar Plus HaTorah, they're so good. One more? Yeah, you have time one more אוצר פלוס התורה Otzar Plus HaTorah? One more. נפתלי Naftali. Why נפתלי Naftali was able to walk swiftly. We have so many. But the ברכות brachos we give on Friday night. When did Yaakov die? We'll end with this. Anyone know the date of Yaakov's יארצייט yahrzeit? When did Yaakov die? So ספר שער המלך Sefer Sha'ar HaMelech, שער המלך Sha'ar HaMelech, in the דרשות חתם סופר Drashos Chasam Sofer, חלק אלף chelek aleph. יעקב אבינו מת ביום ראשון של חג הסוכות Yaakov Avinu meis b'yom rishon shel Chag HaSukkot. The first day of סוכות Sukkos is the יארצייט yahrzeit of יעקב אבינו Yaakov Avinu. And that's what the בני יששכר Bnei Yissaschar says. And the רמז remez, ויעקב נסע סוכותה v'Yaakov nasa Sukkotah. We know that פסח שבועות וסוכות Pesach, Shavuos, v'Sukkos correspond with the three אבות avos. סוכות Sukkos corresponds with יעקב Yaakov. The פסוק pasuk tells us after he reunites with עשיו Esav, יעקב נסע סוכותה Yaakov nasa Sukkotah, he goes to סוכות Sukkos. That's the the The דרשות חתם סופר Drashos Chasam Sofer, here we go. אין רחוק שהיה קבורתו ביום Ein rachok she'hayah kevuraso b'yom... When was the burial? He died on סוכות Sukkos. By the time they got him up to ארץ ישראל Eretz Yisrael. First day, by the way, they embalmed him, which you have to understand. I thought embalming's אסור assur. How did they embalm him? They kept him in מצרים Mitzrayim before they took him up and buried him, maybe even reburied him. What was the date of his interment? When was he buried? Says the חתם סופר Chasam Sofer? עשרה בטבת Asara B'Teves. Today is the anniversary of the קבורה kvurah of יעקב אבינו Yaakov Avinu. He was died on סוכות Sukkos, he was buried on עשרה בטבת Asara B'Teves. He quotes many, many other sources here. Some say it was פסח Pesach, some say it was חנוכה Chanukah. He has many, many sources, a classic אוצר פלוס התורה Otzar Plus HaTorah here, about all the different times, what is the real יארצייט yahrzeit, what is the real anniversary of the day of death of burial. Have a meaningful and an easy rest of the fast, and בעזרת השם b'ezras Hashem. See you tomorrow morning for ten minutes מסילת ישרים Mesillas Yesharim, living with אמונה emunah, and tomorrow night we're going behind the בימה bimah with Veronica Berti, the wife of Andrea Berti, who loves Jews.
