Transcript
Good morning, Boker Tov, welcome back to Living with Emuna, our weekly Emuna support group. I want to thank our generous series sponsors for the year, Dr. Zavi and Bella Morgan in memory of Rabbi Dr. Brian Gabbat, in memory of Bella’s mother, Dr. Ellen Shanzer as well. We remain very, very grateful for their generosity. This morning’s Shiur is also sponsored by Michelle and Marni Weingartner in honor of their parents, Dr. Alexander and Merrill Weingartner; by the Hausner and Tenenbaum families in memory of their father, Shimon Horn, on his first Yahrtzeit. הנשמה שלו שתהא עלייה and they should find comfort and strength; and for the Refuah Sheleimah of ברוך אריה לייב בן בילה רחל and a happy birthday, Ari. May this year be filled with only good health and happiness. And lastly, by our dear members Avi and Devorah Orlan in memory of their daughter מרים אסתר בת אברהם יצחק. הנשמה שלה שתהא עלייה and they should continue to find comfort and strength as well. We are in Ba'am Derechecha. We have been learning. We remain in the volume on Pesach, not because we’re confused or in denial of the calendar, although we are a little bit of that too, but because of the beautiful essay we’ve been making our way through on the notion of highs and lows in Avodas Hashem. How do you connect with Hashem not only in a moment of high, not only when you see that great sunrise or sunset, not only when you walk around at that Kumsitz or that Farbrengen, not only when you have that miracle or you’re present for that birth of a baby, a child, not only in those moments where Hashem is visible and accessible and obvious and His presence is felt, but B’imei Katnus, when you feel distant and far away and small, when you feel in crisis or when you feel abandoned or when you feel alone or you wonder where He is. How do you connect, how do we connect with Him even in those moments? We’ve spoken at length about why. Why did He create a world in which that is a necessary part of that cycle where our spiritual EKG has those ups and downs? Why can’t it be linear? Why can’t we just climb that ladder and just stand on that rung and just take it in? Why is life a ramp where gravity is constantly trying to pull us down the ramp rather than a ladder? We wish it were a rung on a ladder, we could just take a step up and hang out there for a while. And when Emuna moves us, we’ll take another step up and we’ll hang out there for a while. Why is life like a ramp, not a ladder, that we’re sliding down? That’s part of the very creation of the world. First of all, man is meant, man I mean generically man, to a room full of women, man is meant to struggle, man is meant, we are challenged to work, to toil. It’s not meant to come easy. That’s like saying why can’t I just go to the gym and I’ll just sit on the bench of the machine and not actually have to exert myself? Right, and I’ll lose 10 pounds or gain 10 pounds of muscle, get stronger and healthier, my joints work better. Why can’t I just sit on that bench? Why can’t I just walk in the gym and through osmosis I’ll walk out and I’ll look ripped but I don’t actually have to lift a weight? I don’t actually have to break a sweat? I don’t actually have to... The answer is because what makes us grow is when we’re challenged. That is what precipitates, it's the catalyst for that growth spurt. I think there’s a whole Mashal of the, it’s not a Mashal, it’s real, but it’s a Mashal in terms of us, that the oyster gives birth to the pearl only when it’s agitated. Something about the oyster and the pearl. You can Google it later. Something about when it’s agitated... Don’t Google it later because then you’ll think about pearls and then I’ll be in big trouble with a husband or whoever else. So don’t Google it later. Don’t Google pearls later. But it’s when we are challenged, it’s when we are agitated, it’s when we struggle that we really discover who we are, what we’re capable of, that we get an authentic growth spurt. And back to that gym Mashal, the reason working out works is you actually create micro-tears in your muscle and the muscle grows in and grows bigger. So in working out, in challenging your muscle, you’re actually tearing and shredding the muscle for it to grow. And sometimes life shreds our Emuna. It rips and creates not micro-tears, but enormous tears in our Emuna. But it’s in those spaces, in the micro-rip and the micro-tear of our Emuna, it’s in that space that it can grow and it can fill in and it can fill out and that our Emuna as a result is even bigger. So how do we do that? What’s our Avoda B’katnus? What is our Avoda, what are we meant to do in these days? How do we break through? This is particularly relevant every year, including this year. I get people who say to me, and I won’t lie to you, some years I say to myself, uh oh, we are a couple days from Rosh Hashana and I don’t feel it. I don’t feel it, and I don’t feel anything. I’m struggling to keep my head above water. It’s the beginning of the school year. There’s a lot going on in Shul life, every one of us in our own lives, are drowning or suffocating or whatever word we want to use to describe how we feel. And there’s almost nothing left for that learning, reading, preparing, volunteering, Davening, Tehillim, Hisbodedus, Dveikus, whatever we normally do that puts us in that mood and gets us in. So what do you do? The clock is ticking. Sunday night. Rumor has it Rosh Hashana Sunday night. Ai ai ai. I, as I said, denial is not just a place in Egypt. It's right here, right here on Montoya Circle too. So I'm in denial personally, but apparently, rumor has it it's on Sunday night. So what do you do? You're going to wake up Sunday, still one more Shabbos to relax and chill, wake up Sunday and say Yom... I'm coming before the judge, coming before the King of Kings. Am I ready? My article this week is about the King's coronation, King Charles, as a metaphor, as a mashal, lehavdil, lehavdil, lehavdil, for the coronation where none of us are invited to... I don't know if anyone here is invited to Charles' coronation. I don't think the invitations are out. It's not going to be for about a year apparently, not for like a year. Aveilus has to end before they can make the simcha. But yeah, no, that's the din. That's like the... that's the minhag. It has to end, the aveilus. I don't know if anyone here's going to be invited; I don't expect to be. But there's another coronation, a much greater, more prestigious. The King of Kings happening on Monday and Tuesday, and what can we learn from one for the other? How do we prepare for the King's coronation? We're coming to the King's coronation. Are we ready in our mindset? Do we have what we need? Is our clothing clean and pressed? And are we ready to look our regal royal selves? This is the King mashal. We're also coming before the judge Monday, Tuesday. It's going to launch and kick off a ten-day period of evaluation, of reflection. Not the past, but the present. We spoke about that in the last women's shiur on a Shabbos morning that God doesn't judge us for our past, even though that sounds strange. Everyone thinks Rosh Hashana is 'were you a good boy or a good girl this year?' That's not what Rosh Hashana is. We can't change the past, so how could we be responsible for it? All we can change is our present. So the past is only relevant how it informs our present. But what matters is who are we in that moment, which makes this question all the more pressing. If in this moment I feel disconnected and down and out and not really here and not really invested and not really into it, uh-oh, because this is the moment I'm being evaluated on. I say, but Hashem, six months ago I was at this kumsitz, it was unbelievable. I was singing at the top of my lungs. Hashem, four months ago, my emuna, I was talking about you all the time, I felt your presence, I was like the Queen of Emuna. Hakadosh Baruch Hu says that's nice, but that was four months ago, that was six months ago. What does that have to do with right now? What does that have to do with right now? That's like your spouse says to you, I know that I'm not really checked in, I'm not really connected, I'm not really making time, we're not really communicating, I'm not really active listening, I'm not really sharing. But remember eight months ago what an unbelievable husband I was? Remember eight months ago, the flowers and the chocolates and the time that we spent and the romance and how good I was at listening? You say, yeah, that's nice, shkoach, I'll give you a couple stars for eight months ago, but right now. I'm in a relationship with you right now. Right now is what matters. Right now is what counts. So we're going to come before the judge, and he's not going to hold us accountable for the past, he's going to take a look at us and say, okay, who are you right now? Are you nostalgic for your mistakes of the past? Are you proud of them, nostalgic for them? Do you savor them, or have you moved on from them? Have you grown from them? Have you learned from them? Are you pledged and promising not to repeat them? Not the past, but right now. Who are you right now? Tonight on behind the Bima, we have Judge Dan Butler from Pittsburgh, who's an extraordinary, extraordinary person. He lost a son at twenty-four years old, he has two autistic adult children who live with him, and he's the happiest, most positive, most amazing person. He's a very, very special... he and his wife are incredible people. And he's a judge, so we'll talk to him about... give us some tips how you come before the judge. From one judge, lehavdil, lehavdil, prepare us for coming before another judge. We're coming before... we're coming before another judge. So will we be ready? You can't come before the judge and be like, I forgot to shave, I know I'm wearing rags, I know I'm not presenting my best self to you, judge, I know I don't look like I have remorse, I know I don't look like I want to be my best self, but you should know that three weeks ago I felt really bad. Three weeks ago I looked... I had it together. Judge says, but you're in my courtroom right now. Today's your trial day. Today is when you're here. Now's when I need you to have it together. Now's when I need you to put forward your best self. Now's when I need you to make a compelling argument for why I should believe in you, that the one who did that is not who you are right now. Now. So how do we get to that place? How do we get to that place? Because that's what matters. Page kuf samech gimmel, 163. העבודה המעשית עולה מזה מלבד החלק המעשי בדרך של מסירות נפש. So last week we got stuck on those two words, I'm going to try not to again. Last week we said that sentence and then we got stuck the rest of the shiur on those two words and we never got past it on the first step being mesirus nefesh. Remember, because then I broke into the whole thing about love is giving, not getting, so love is a verb, not an adjective. When you give, you love, not when you get. So if you want to love God start giving to Him. You will love your spouse when you give to them. You'll love your children when you go back to giving to them. Very paradoxically, very counter-intuitively, if you fall out of love start giving, start doing, and you'll fall in love because love is the result of giving, not getting. So if you have fallen out of love with Hashem, if you've fallen out—probably you're still in love with Hashem, you've fallen out of like with Hashem, because there are many, including some people in marriage, who love their spouse but stopped liking them a long time ago. If you've fallen out of like with Hashem, not love, and you want to renew it and restore it and reinvigorate it, and you want to create a spark to it, then start giving. Mesirus Nefesh, Mesirus Nefesh. When you feel like doing it, it's no big deal, then you're not doing it for Him, you're doing it for you. But when we don't feel like doing it, start giving, start giving. And how do we give to Hashem? How do you give a gift to someone who has everything? Hashem is the source of everything, He has everything. What gift do you get God? It's very simple. You know what the gift you give God is? You. Your heart. That's what you give Him. He doesn't need anything physical, material, financial, although when we give Tzedakah we're also showing Him Mesirus Nefesh. We're showing Him we are prioritizing His other children that we care. We had this incredible market yesterday, we're doing it again today. Spent tens of thousands of dollars on all the food yesterday was picked up to make available to Jews of South Florida. Pay-what-you-want market at BRS. Yom Tov is expensive, people can't afford it. I know the struggles, particularly the economy and inflation. We did it before Pesach and we did it again now. Thanks to generous donors, we made available an incredible market of an incredible array of foods and we said, take whatever you want, there's a little box, put in whatever you want. Put in whatever you want. Take a hundred dollars of food and put in one dollar. Take a hundred dollars of food and put in a hundred dollars. Nobody's looking, nobody's asking, do what you want. And Baruch Hashem it clearly met a need because all the food was taken, we're going to do it again today. I share that with you because we could still use more help if you'd like to contribute towards it. But also because I'm proud that in this time of the year, Teshuvah, Tefillah, Tzedakah. What's the idea of Tzedakah is Hashem, You have children, I have siblings who are hungry, I'm going to be moseir nefesh because I'm going to dig deep in my pocket to make sure that I don't only have what to eat for myself. It's not that I have my roast and wine for Yom Tov, and my silver honey dish. I want to make sure everybody has honey and something to eat for Yom Tov. And that's the mesirus nefesh of Tzedakah. But we can be moseir nefesh—the greatest mesirus nefesh we give Hashem is when we give Him our heart. We say, I'm in. I'm in. I don't feel like being in, but I'm in. I'm in. I'm putting my heart into this. That's number one. שצריך לחפש השם יתברך מתוך—I'm trying not to get distracted by it again. כמו שכתוב ובקשתם משם את השם אלוקיך ומצאת. Uvikashtem misham. Torah tells us you will search misham from there for God and you will find Him. Where's sham? Where's there? Everywhere in your heart. Where's there? So misham is mikreh hayeridah. There is even when you are on the descent. Even when you are on decline. Even when you feel distant. Even when you feel far away. Sham. Sham is over there. Po is right here. So it's not uvikashtem mipo. You'll be searching for God right next to Him, like you're in it, you're looking for Him, you're looking for God in the middle of Ne'ilah while a thousand people are singing and the walls are reverberating. That's po. That's like here and now. Sham is even when you feel I'm sham, I'm far away. My head is far away, my heart is far away, my soul is far away. I'm somewhere else. I might be here, Ashamnu, Bagadnu, Al Cheit, Al Cheit. I'm here, I'm turning the pages, turning the pages of the Machzor, but I'm sham. I'm sham. I'm already at lunch, I'm already in the middle of the nap, I'm already post-Rosh Hashanah, I'm already post-Succos. I'm sham. Let's get this over with because I'm sham. I'm not here. I'm somewhere far away. So the Torah promises us uvikashtem, but if you look and you search even from sham, if you become determined and you say, you know what? I'm not really present. I'm not really feeling it. I'm not really energized. But even from a place of sham, uvikashtem, become determined, but I'm looking. I want to. I want to want to. Then umatzasa, you're going to find Him. You could find Him even from a place of sham. Even from a place of sham. כי הנה אף שהאדם מבין שהקטנות היא סוג הנהגה ויודע שאפילו שהשם יתברך מסתיר את עצמו באמת הוא כן נמצא איתי מכל מקום. If a person knows that even though right now there is this incredible rhythm and rollercoaster of life, there are moments Hashem is obvious and clear and right in front of me, and there are moments that where is He? Is He here? But even in those moments that where is He and why is He doing this, that even then be'emes in truth hu nimtza iti, He's really with me. מכל מקום למעשה אדם כן מרגיש קטנות והסתרה. A person still feels smallness and hiddenness. וממילא הוא בסכנה גדולה שיפול חלילה. To realize that Hashem is even with you next to that hospital bed, Hashem is even with you in that shivah... go into overdraft on your bank account, that even in those places where you wonder where and how and why, that he's always with me, but there's a big risk and a big danger in that moment, it's so easy to slip and to slide further away. וצריך לצעוק אל השם יתברך, so in that very pivotal moment, at that crossroads that could go either way, a Yid, a Jew has to scream out Abba, אתה הרי כאן איתי. I know you're here with me, I know you're here with me in this doctor's office, I know you're here with me next to this hospital bed. I know you're here with me through this crisis, I know you're here with me in this struggle. Bevakasha al ta'azveni. Don't abandon me, don't leave me, because you're all I have left. I don't know how else I will come out of this, I don't know how else I will endure this. ואל תתן לי ליפול ממך, don't let me slide or slip, don't let me fall further from you. אני לא רוצה ולא יכול לחיות בלעדיך. I don't want to live without you. I don't want to live without you. It's a last ditch effort, it's a call, it's a scream, it's a desire, it's a desire to reconcile. I see this all the time, and I'm sorry, I always give the same metaphors, believe it or not I get emails about this too, about health and wellness and diet or marriage, I give metaphors based on what, you know, about life and counseling and the real world and people I encounter, so sorry I'm not sorry about that. But so in marriage, you see this all the time, a marriage which is in the ICU, a relationship which is in the ICU, it's lost its romance, it's lost its energy, and people have grown apart. And whatever friction might even be there, maybe there's a violation of trust, something that happened. But but but before they call it quits and before it gets to the point of no return, one or both say, you know what, I want to fight for this, I want to fight for this, don't, don't leave me, I'm not leaving you. We're going to, we're going to figure this out and I want to fight for this and I want to grow old together and I can't imagine life without you in it and I don't want to walk down our children's aisle without you on the other side. We're going to do this, we're going to figure this out, we're going to figure this out. And that's that pivotal moment where the future of that marriage is determined, because if both are checked out and indifferent or apathetic, it's over, it's over. But if one or both say this is worth fighting for: I don't feel it, I'm not going to pretend I do right now, I don't exactly know how, but I know it's what I want and I know we're going to get there and I know it's worth fighting for. So Rav Itche Meyer is telling us that in our marriage, because our relationship with Hashem is a marriage, it's supposed to be romantic and loving and intimate and courtship, communication and time and affection, it's supposed to be all the ingredients of marriage. And in that marriage, even when we don't feel it, to cry out and to say don't leave me, don't abandon me, I want to fight for this, it's worth it, I can't imagine life without you, I need you, I need you. והקושי והחושך של קטנות מסייע לאדם להבין שאני לא יכול לבד. Says Rav Itche Meyer, davka in that small place, davka in that fragile place, davka in that vulnerable place is where you can realize I need him the most. So even though I feel him the least, but right now I need him the most. And how could I possibly do this without him? So it's worth fighting for. I don't know how I'll get him back, I don't know how I'll transform this feeling, but it's worth fighting for. I've shared before, Martin Judovits, alav hashalom, whose first Yahrtzeit we just observed, who was a pillar of our community, designed as a hobby our shul and the Holocaust memorial outside, a survivor, his autobiography is extraordinary. He was a very, very, very special person. So I interviewed him on Yom HaShoah and in that conversation I asked him: How did you maintain your faith? You'd lost your parents, your siblings, you'd lost everything, everyone. And here he was every day at shul and davening and a tremendous person. And he wrote a sefer on Shas and he wrote a sefer on... he was an unbelievable person. How? How did you maintain your faith after everything? How? And I'll never forget what he said, and it's worth watching, you can find it online. Because without pause, without hesitation he said, he said: I had lost my mother and father. I had one father left, one parent left. Should I lose him too? The only way that I would survive having lost my parents was only if I kept the other parent I had left, my Father in heaven. I should lose him too? He didn't pause, he didn't hesitate, he didn't prepare. I didn't give him that question in advance and he said, ooh, what would sound good? What would make me look good? What would make Goldberg talk about me a year after I leave this world? He just legitimately, authentically, as purely as his soul. But he understood what am I going to leave him? I need him. It's in that moment of our lowest darkest place. It's the moment of our biggest most vulnerable and fragile that we need him the most that we have to lean in. והקושי והחושך הקטנות מסייע לאדם להבין שאני לא יכול. I can't. וגם חושב שהוא בר מעלה. אתה הוא מבין שהוא מצד עצמו כלום. And a person realizes, you know, I thought I had it going on. I thought I can control my life and my destiny, turn the page kuf samach daled. I thought I was in charge, I thought I was in control, I thought I was the arbiter of my destiny. I thought I was in charge of this business or my family's health. I thought I could dictate everything that happens but now I'm in a place that I realize I can't. I am in a place that I realize and relinquish control, that I submit and I surrender, that I concede, God, it's in Your hands. I was wrestling with You my whole life. You and I had a power struggle my whole life. I always thought it was me. I knew You also have some of the control but it was a power struggle. Who's driving the car, who's driving the bus? We were wrestling for the last whatever years. But now that I'm in this place that I didn't know how to not get into and I don't know how to emerge from, now it's Yours. I submit, I surrender, I concede, I concede that You're the one who has the keys to a refuah shleimah. You and You alone are the one who can give a recovery, a miraculous recovery. Only You, only You. If you look at statistics and data and a person is a realist when a loved one is in crisis you give up. I love doctors but if you listen to the doctors only, then it's over. Then it's over. You have to believe. Now I'm not saying אין סומכין על הנס. I'm not saying you should believe in something that is impossible in the world of science and medicine, that's foolish and it's a false promise and it's asking for a revealed miracle and we don't do that. But I'm talking as long as there is a chance then focus on the chance not the odds. So it's davka when we're knocked down and it's davka when the world flashes its data and statistics in front of us that we say Hashem I thought I was in charge, I thought I was in control. I'm not. You are. I submit, I surrender to You and now I need You. And now I need You. וטוב שאדם צריך השם יתברך בכל רגע. I need You at every moment. וכמה שהוא מרגיש שאי אפשר בלי השם יתברך ככה הוא מרגיש ביתר שאת את גודל הסכנה הנורא שהוא נמצא כעת שהוא עלול ליפול ולהתרחק. And davka from that place of vulnerability and fragility, davka from that place of realizing I don't know how I got here and I didn't know how to avoid it and I know I need You, that you realize how desperate a moment it is. I better not fall further away because the only way to climb out is with You and through You. וממילא הוא עומד וצועק להשם יתברך. And therefore a person stands up and screams out תתגלה אלי אבי אני לא יכול להיות רחוק ממך. I can't. I can't live this way. I can't survive this way. Al tashlicheini milfanecha. Oh. In the volume on Pesach. Al tashlicheini milfanecha. What we're going to say, what we're saying now in Selichos and we're going to be saying all the way through Ne'ilah. Al tashlicheini. Don't cast me away, don't throw me away, don't give up on me, Hashem. I'm not giving up on You. Let's not give up on each other. Let's not give up. This relationship is worth fighting for. I want it. I want to want it. I'm calling You. I'm reaching out to You. Al tashlicheini milfanecha. Don't give up on me, don't cast me away, don't walk away. Ve'afilu shehu bekatnus. And even if on Erev Rosh Hashanah we're in a very small place. והרבה פעמים כשהאדם בקטנות. הוא מרגיש שהוא לא ראוי ולא מגיע לו. And when you're in a place of being small, you think I don't deserve it, I'm not worthy, it's not coming to me. אף על פי כן הוא משליך את עצמו רק על השם יתברך. But you can still even in that place say I'm throwing myself on You, I'm casting my lot in You. כי הוא מרגיש אין לי ברירה אחרת. There is no other choice. Am I going to listen to the doctors, their odds, their statistics? What other choice do I have? What other choice do I have? אין לי חיים חוץ ממך. I have no life. You are the essence of life, You are the source of life, You are the force of life. I have nothing but You. כי אני יודע ורואה שאני קטן שאין לו כלום לעצמו. I am a nothing, a gornisht. I have nothing and I am nothing without You. I need You. I need You. So again, here he's talking about... Sefiras HaOmer, Katnus and Gadlus post-Pesach, it's a whole other orientation but I think it very much applies to the period that we're in and I think he would agree because he references Al Tashlicheni Milfanecha, but advice number number one was Mesiras Nefesh. You're not feeling it? Good. Go out and give. Do for God. Go out and do. You don't feel like doing? Go do. Because with the eating comes the appetite, with the doing comes the love, with the giving comes the love. Give to God and you'll love Him. You're going to revive that energy and that connection when you give to God even if it's uncomfortable, inconvenient, you don't feel like it. Number two is Tefilla. Number two is Tefilla. There are people who did things this past year who behaved in ways that they are filled with incredible shame and guilt. There are people struggling with behaviors, addictions, patterns that they are filled with incredible shame and guilt. There are people who hurt others or failed others or violated others. There are people who hurt or failed only God. There are people who, and this we'll talk about on Shabbos Shuva, failed and hurt and violated themselves. Themselves. Who they could be, their potential, their expectations or their promises they made to themselves. And people feel how could I come Sunday night, Monday, Tuesday? How could I come לא ראוי ולא מגיע לי. I'm not worthy. I'm going to come, I'm going to get dressed up, I'm going to say these words, I'm going to sing these songs, I'm going to put on the smile, I'm going to listen to the Shofar. If you only knew what I did, what I'm doing, what I struggle with. If you only knew my patterns of behavior, if you only knew, if you only knew. I'm not Rauy and it's not Magia Li. So Rav Itche Meyer is saying is that person should davka come to shul. And maybe before they come to shul, or at shul, or come early to shul. Suggestion number two is this most heartfelt Tefilla, this prayer from the deepest recesses of our heart that says Hashem, I feel totally unworthy. Judge, I have no excuse, I have no explanation, I am unworthy. But Judge, here's the thing. You're also my father. So metzad being a judge, there's a strict justice, there's a law, there's consequences and you're the judge and maybe on the books I'm undeserving. I'm unworthy. I don't even have a right to appear here and really you should throw the book at me. But it happens to be that you're not only the judge, you're also my Abba. So Abba, I need you. And don't go anywhere and help me even in this small place not feel small. Help me believe in us. Right, a father, a judge, if you're a repeat offender and he's been patient over and over again and you keep violating, they're going to throw the book at you. But a parent, that child can come the four millionth time they've done the same wrong thing. And when they collapse and say I want to stop doing this and I'm so ashamed and I feel so bad, you just put your arms around them. And you just hold them tight and just tell them it'll be okay and you just say we're going to get through this together. There's a lot of work that needs to get done but it's going to be okay. So before Rosh Hashanah you could come to the Ribbono Shel Olam and say not only Judge, Judge have rachmanus, but also you're my Abba, you're my Tatti, you're my father. Daddy, I'm ashamed and I'm embarrassed and I'm racked with guilt. And I feel far away from you because you've tried to help and I've pushed you away. And so I don't feel you in my life, but now I need you. Now I need you. Help me. Help me restore this relationship, help me be open to your influence, help me feel close to you and help me feel your presence and help me become who I could be. That's a Tefilla. That's a Tefilla. It's such a mistake that people on Rosh Hashanah, Yom Kippur and every day of the year, I preach this all the time, but that people only daven from the siddur or the machzor. It's one of the tragedies of Jewish life that people live 70, 80, 100 years and they only ever daven from a siddur or a machzor or a Tehillim. They never spoke to God outside of it. The siddur and the machzor and the Tehillim, they're the lowest level of davening. They're what were put in place to make sure we do something even when we don't feel like it. But they're the lowest level. The highest level is when you talk to him outside the siddur and outside the machzor and outside the Tehillim. When you talk to him like this heartfelt Tefilla that we're describing. Daddy, Abba, I've pushed you away. car or in bed or getting dressed or whatever you're doing. Just talk to Him. Just talk to Him. Based on where you're at, you could be talking to Him flying high. I feel so close to You. Thank You for everything. Unbelievable. Every day I try to talk to Him. I'm not great at this and I don't do it for a long time. I'm not going to pretend I do. And maybe I do it selfishly every day. Whatever I got on tap. Let this work out well, please Hashem, I need help with that. Please this child's going through this, please this person I met with. There's a lot of struggles. It's very dusty in here. There's a lot of people going through a lot of stuff. If you're not and if you're like I don't know what I'm going to davven for this Rosh Hashanah, thank You. Like I don't know, thank God everything's good, everyone's healthy, everyone's whatever. I guess I'll davven for the Wi-Fi in my house is slow or the kiddush at the shul is just like cake and whatever. I also say this every year. If you're not davvening for something big on Rosh Hashanah in your life, then davven like crazy with gratitude and with fear that it should just stay that way to a degree of the most to davven for. Because you don't want the other shoe to drop. By the way, what happens if you have these wonderful feelings inside about gratitude and you're feeling good and you're on that great road and you kind of feel it's difficult for you to say that to yourself because you're giving yourself a kenahora? What happens? I think it's the opposite. That's a great question. That's a great question. What happens if you're trying to go through your gratitude list and by doing so, you're basically saying you're giving yourself an ayin hara? Is there such a thing? So I think it's the exact opposite. Same people who believe in an ayin hara usually believe in a segulah, so I'll give you a segulah against the ayin hara. The segulah, the thing you can do to offset the ayin hara is gratitude. That is the number one thing that you can do. So if you hang a banner outside your house 'look at everything going right for me', you get an ayin hara. By the way, you're laughing at me when I give that mashal, you hang a banner outside your house. There are many many millions of people who do that every day. They just do it on their wall instead of of their house, of Facebook or Twitter or Instagram or TikTok. And it's literally, it's called you have a Facebook wall and it's 'I'm hanging a banner on my wall of everything going right for me'. And now you're welcoming an ayin hara. Now you're welcoming the world to say, 'oh yeah, is that person deserving all that goodness?' So the biggest way to fight an ayin hara, first of all, is humility and modesty and keep it close. You don't have to share. Whole world doesn't have to see your kids on their first day of school. You wouldn't have printed out pictures and walked to all your neighbors and handed out the picture. I'm not knocking anyone who did it. I don't mean to embarrass anyone. I'm just saying, it's one thing to put that in the family WhatsApp group. Let's all share nachas in our children on the first day of school. It's another on our wall where the neighbor who doesn't have children now has to walk by your house and your wall, 'these are my kids k'neina hara on the first day of school'. That's an ayin hara. It's one thing to do it to your family. All the grandparents and cousins let's all share pictures of each other the first day of school. I think we always did that and I think that's normal. But on our wall, literal or virtual, for the neighbor who has no children to see, that's an ayin hara. But the biggest way to offset the ayin hara is is by being grateful. Is by being grateful. So when you in your own mind, and that's what I started to say and we're going to end with this before I just turn into a total puddle, is is that tefillah every day to talk to Hashem throughout the day. Here's what's going on, I need your help with, let this speech come out well, let that shiur, let this article, let the Shabbos Shuvah derashah, let this help of that person, that guidance, let this from my children, my family, we all have that. We forget usually the second half part. So I've tried to develop the habit every day of before I do that to say: Thank You. Last night the the shmooze worked out well. Invocation turned out okay. Okay, that meeting went well. Thank you Hashem. We tend to ask Him before, we tend to forget afterwards to thank Him when it went well, to tell Him how it went, we forget to check in after the fact. You know, you gotta check in after the fact too. I just saw a story of Rav Lichtenstein zatzal that one of his grandchildren or children was rushed to the hospital in desperate situation, the whole family gathered, they were all saying Tehillim outside of the hospital room, there was an emergency surgery, I'm not sure if I'm getting all the details right, and they were all saying heartfelt Tehillim. You could imagine Rav Lichtenstein was a tremendous tzaddik, he's pouring his heart into the Tehillim. The doctor came out and said the surgery went well, he's going to be okay, everything's fine. Everybody closed the Tehillim, high-fiving, hugging, joyous. Rav Lichtenstein like didn't miss a beat, kept going. So one of his children went over to him and said, didn't you hear the doctor? Did you hear what he said? Everything's going to be fine, the surgery went well. He nodded his head and he kept going. And when he finished he said, what happened? He said, what, the intensity of the Tehillim was only when we thought he was in trouble and once the doctor said everything's well, the intensity of the Tehillim should be over? We should close the Tehillim? He said you gotta double down. Tehillim should be with more kavana. You gotta finish... He says why should I stop? The Tehillim was before was I need you. The Tehillim of thank you, there's no Tehillim of thank you? So he kept going, he didn't think about that, he just, that was of course I gotta keep going and finish what I started because my Tehillim of thank you has to be as strong as my Tehillim of please. So our hisbodedus, our conversation after the fact of thank you has to be as strong as our please. Anyway, going into Rosh Hashana. If you have no idea what I'm talking about and you have no idea why I'm... why it's dusty in here, I envy you. Don't feel bad, you've done nothing wrong, but I envy you and feel very blessed and count your blessings. Count your blessings. Count your blessings. But if you're feeling a little bit, a little bit, a little bit of what I'm describing, then pour it out into conversation with Him. Today's Wednesday. You've got a bunch of days till Rosh Hashana. Talk to Him. Talk to Him. Like Rav Itche Meir is telling us, Al tashlicheni milfanecha, don't give up on me, I'm not giving up on you. This is worth fighting for. I feel far away but I give up, I surrender. I surrender and I submit, I'm not in control and I can't handle this alone and I need you and I want you and I'm grateful for you and I want to figure this out from this small place that I am, from this desperate place that I am, from this distant place that I am. I need you. I need you. So Hashem give me your Rosh Hashana. Help me feel it. You're not gonna feel it in the machzor if you don't talk to Him outside the machzor. If the first time you're gonna talk to God for Rosh Hashana is when you open the machzor and you're catching up on the piyutim, forget about it. It's not happening. But if you're talking to Him these days leading up to Rosh Hashana, if you're talking to Him on Rosh Hashana, if you're talking to Him through the simanim while you're dipping the apple in the honey and eating the pomegranate and the fish eyeball, the fish head, if you're talking to Him throughout, then you've got a shot when you open the machzor. Then maybe you've got a chance. Then you've got a chance. The Rama quotes, the Rama quotes a practice that we don't sleep on Rosh Hashana. It's not just your grandmother's bubbe maise. The Rama quotes in halacha we don't take a nap on Rosh Hashana. Some are lenient, you don't take a nap in your bed, but if on the couch you happen to fall asleep... But we don't take a nap, we don't sleep on Rosh Hashana. Why not? So the bubbe maise part is if you sleep on Rosh Hashana you'll have a sleepy year. Okay, so many say halevai. Many with insomnia say halevai. Would that be so bad? That's not the reason. The reason not to sleep on Rosh Hashana is because stop sleepwalking through life, wake up! Wake up! But I'll say don't sleep on Rosh Hashana because you should be in constant conversation with Him. Constant conversation. You go to Eretz Yisrael to visit your children or grandchildren. You have one day there with them. You're gonna take a nap in the middle of the day? You're gonna take every moment, relish every moment. Hakadosh Baruch Hu, it's Rosh Hashana, be mamlich, we're going to the King's coronation. I just want to be talking, I want to be in conversation the whole day. Just want to be in conversation with you. Oh, the machzor that ended whatever time, that was just the machzor. Those were someone else's words. Now I want my words. Let's be in conversation the whole... there's so much to talk about. So much to ask for. Even when Rosh Hashana falls on Shabbos and Shabbos you generally can't ask for things, but even when Rosh Hashana falls on Shabbos you could talk to Him, you could make it personal. I don't know who doesn't have personal things. You gotta, you gotta come in your machzor with a piece of paper. I have a piece of paper that every day sits on my shtender, my name, my wife's name, family, every one of my kids' names, the Hebrew name, ben, bas, their mother, and people that I davened for. How you gonna come to Rosh Hashana, you don't have that paper? Children, grandchildren, ברוך השם קיין עין הרע some people here have many names to daven for. Taking things for granted and didn't daven for things they never imagined that they'd be sitting next to a hospital bed for a month and months and months and months. So Rosh Hashanah's not, I'm not trying to paralyze you with fear, let's daven our heart out because we don't want to wait for that diagnosis of our children or someone else. But, but yeah. Nothing. Nothing that happened this year can you take for granted next year, nothing that happened two years ago happened last year. Just think about this insane world we're living in these last few years and how unpredictable it is. How do you not come with a feeling of desperation of that unpredictability? That could be the tefillah this Rosh Hashanah. Can we have a predictable year next year? No pandemic, no disease, no political crisis, no war, no inflation, no recession. Could you, could we just, could you give us a year off? In two, we'll talk about two years, two years from now. But for a year, could you give us a break? Just a year off, just with like the normal craziness. Not the extreme. Can we get a year off? How can we not feel that way? How can we all not feel that way? Okay, that's the last shiur for the year. We'll pick it up again next year. Next year is next week. So we'll pick it up next year, im yirtzeh Hashem. It should all be signed and sealed a sweet and a happy and a healthy and a prosperous year. Kesiva vachasima tovah. Join us tonight 9 PM Judge Dan Butler. Please stay for Tehillim אסתר תהילה בת אריה ציפורה among kol cholei Yisrael. And it should all be good. It should all be good. Stay happy, stay healthy, and stay holy.
