Transcript
Good morning Boker Tov, welcome back to our Living with Emuna, a very special welcome back to some of you who we haven't seen in person in a long time. I actually have some mixed feelings about the fact that we stream the class because I meet people all the time who say, "Rabbi, thank you so much for streaming it, I stay in my pajamas, I make my coffee, I feel like I'm part of the class." On the one hand, it's wonderful that people who geographically don't live here and can't be here in person can tune in. On the other hand, there's nothing that can compare and compete with learning in person, being together in person, it is the best. So it's great to see some people returning, it's wonderful to be together, and thank you. As always, a big thank you to our generous series sponsors for the year, Dr. Avi and Bella Morgan, in memory of Rabbi Dr. Brian Galbut, in memory of Bella's mother, Dr. Ellen Chantzer. This morning's shiur is also sponsored anonymously as a thank you to BRS for the classes, shiurim, and programs that we provide. So we're very grateful to that anonymous sponsor as well. I want to remind you that our merch—now normally merch people are trying to brand and sell things and make money—we don't want to make any money off of it and we're not trying to promote any brand, but we're trying to promote mindfulness and emuna. That's the reason we have it. So right after the shiur, if you've not yet purchased your copy of our new notebook, Modeh Ani, "Thank you Hashem for a new day," turn the page. Every page says "turn the page." Every morning you can wake up, turn the page, you have a new opportunity. You can buy a copy. Someone just bought 17 of them. So if you want to buy in bulk, we can make you a special price, which is a really wonderful thing. We also have our Caffeinate with Kavana. Every morning you wake up, you have your cup of coffee, don't just caffeinate, but caffeinate with Kavana, and the other things you can purchase them afterwards, and soon you'll be able to purchase them online as well. Oh, this morning? Oh, I don't know why I don't have that. Thank you, Barbara Lewis, a sponsor in memory of Sam Liebowitz, a very special member, pillar of our community, somebody who was here every night learning the Daf Yomi, who was really inspiring. His neshama should have an aliya. Thank you so much for that generosity, that sponsorship as well. I'm so sorry I missed that, I'm not sure why. Okay, before we dive back into the text and pick up where we last left off, I want to—and some mazel tovs by the way—mazel tov to the Lukes, mazel tov, some mazel tovs we should have only simchas im yirtzeh Hashem. So I want to share with you two emails, I'd love to share with you the emuna stories. One is authored by our sponsor, by our series sponsor, the Morgans. Jeff Morgan sent this in. It was before Tisha B'Av was Brian Galbut's third yahrtzeit. So he said, "Please feel free to share this during the emuna shiur." And this is what he writes: "I can't believe it's been three years since Brian passed away. I think about Brian frequently and in particular when I have a decision to make, I ask myself what would Brian do? Brian meant so much to so many people: his family, friends, and patients; Boca community; the global Jewish community. As you know, Brian went to Yale Medical School. This was in part due to his brilliant MCAT score, much higher than mine. I remember Brian comforting me when I didn't get into my top choice for medical school and assured me that Einstein was the right place for me. Brian was later instrumental in my decision to become a cardiac surgeon by connecting me to his uncle David. I remember once visiting Boca and within minutes of catching up with Brian, he started recruiting me to move to Boca, telling me about all the wonderful things, offering to connect me to cardiologist hospitals. He loved his Boca community so much. Brian, you're missed on a daily basis by so many people. You were a person who emanated emuna and ahavas chinam, who gave chizuk to so many people and who were fortunate enough to interact with you. May your incredible absolutely unique neshama have an aliya." So big thank you to Jeff Morgan for sharing that, for his sponsorship, and certainly we continue to draw from Brian's emuna daily. I also want to share an email I mentioned yesterday—yesterday was the parsha class? Yesterday in the parsha shiur, I mentioned an incident that happened last week in our community. A young boy on his bicycle was riding to school as he does every day crossing Palmetto Park Road, and a deranged person, an unhealthy person who was recently released from prison, attacked him, pulled him off his bicycle and started to punch him. And a person driving his truck who didn't recognize this young boy, is not a member of our community, but saw what was happening, pulled over, jumped out of the truck, pulled the man off, and until police came. And this person was so deranged and such an adrenaline rush, the police had to tase him in order to be able to take him away. So I mentioned it in the parsha class yesterday because I talked about what a hero this man was—anonymous man. And would we, would we stop our car? Would you stop your car? Would you jump out and get in harm's way to help another person? Hakem takim imo, in the context of the parsha where we were talking about, you know, would you pull over if someone had a flat tire? Let alone if someone was beating the other person. Anyway, by the way, fast forward to this morning, somebody who was at the parsha shiur called the Sheriff's Office to get the name of the man and contact info so that we could thank him as a community. And I'm going to get in touch with the man. But he also said what a kiddush Hashem it was. So hopefully we made a kiddush Hashem and we'll be able to offer our gratitude. But the mother of the boy sent me the following email. She said the following. She said I thought I'd share this with you which you're welcome to use in the emunah shiur. My son was punched in the head yesterday as you know by a mentally unstable criminal near TTB while riding his bike to school. Guy got out of jail two weeks ago for theft and robbery. First thing I thought was use my emunah bank account that you taught us in the emunah class. Hashem has a plan and we need to have faith in him. When I heard how a bystander pulled his truck up between the crazy guy chasing my son to stop him and told me he saw the entire thing and felt it was his duty to help, I thought Hashem planted this man to assist my son or my son could have been so hurt. In other words, her take on it is not God how could you, where were you, why, which I'm sure are legitimate reasonable feelings too, but Hashem wow. If that man driving on that road one different red light or green light, one moment later he left the house, one and he weren't there exactly at that moment to jump out and help, who knows what could have happened? Who knows? So she's choosing to put on her emunah glasses and goggles and look at the world and interpret it not where were you how could you why but wow God thank you that the man was driving by at that moment and it wasn't that he passed a moment earlier or he was a few minutes behind at that moment. She writes then I noticed later in the day my son besides being in shock from the day and his head hurting a bit, he started to davven with more passion that day and bentsched better. No one knows why Hashem does what he does for sure. I think my son feels like Hashem helped him and this gave him a jolt to work on getting closer to him which he needed. Thank you for reading this, great class today. This was last week she wrote it after last week. So what a beautiful this is an incredible person an amazing family but what a beautiful interpretation or attitude in number one and number two even her son seeing in her son his getting closer as a result it's really a beautiful thing. So those are our stories for today, keep them flowing. I get the privilege of reading them and you go ooh and ah you cry I cry but they're not my stories. So I depend on our listeners and those who watch and come to share your emunah stories with us. Okay we're on page kuf samech bais. There were handouts I guess they're all given out. There are a few more if you'd like to follow inside. Byam Darkecha רב איצ'ה מאיר מורגנשטרן Rav Yitzchak Morgenstern and we are learning about the following. The notion of the cycle of life ratzu v'shov that we have times that we feel closer and more distant, highs and lows in avodas Hashem. There are times that we are on fire that we are well connected that everything makes sense that everything feels right and there are times that we feel far away and where is he and why and this isn't flowing and this isn't going well and we have all kinds of names for it we've seen ratzu v'shov kedem v'achor mochin de'gadlus mochin de'katnus. We have all kinds of names for it. And then so the first thing we did was validate the phenomenon. The reality in the bottom line is that we live with this phenomenon. You're not the only one we all have it highs and lows in avodas Hashem. Highs and lows in marriage and parenting and career and life, highs and lows in diet and exercise, highs and lows in learning and davvenning. We have highs and lows in everything. Life is not linear. We shared Rav Avraham Schorr, right? The evidence of the EKG if it flatlines you're dead. If it's going up and down there's highs and lows that's a sign you're alive. So if it flatlined if our spiritual EKG shows we're even Steven we're even-keeled then it means that you're spiritually dead. If it goes up and down it means that we are alive we should be grateful to be alive. Why did Hashem create the world that way we saw? Because we are a nivra we are the created and that creates this duality this tension. On the one hand we feel we're independent we're created we exist we're a someone we're a something. Thanks God I'm here now I'm good to go move on to the next one I got this. And that makes us feel far from him and distant and empty and a void. On the other hand we realize I'm a creation. I'm only here because he wills it and he wants it. I'm only here because he supports it and enables it and wow that makes me feel close to him makes me feel his presence makes me feel in conversation with him. So the high and low is not accidental and the high and low is not only something we only suffer from. The highs and lows in avodas Hashem is by design it's the way he created the world. It is a natural result of this reality that we are a nivra that we are among those who are those who are created. So we're up to hanekuda ha'ikaris page kuf samech bais page 162 the right hand column. Hanekuda ha'ikaris בעבודה של מצב הקטנות. Now this is the big question how do you break out? So when you're on fire and it's all flowing and it's all good and well when you're feeling it when it can't get any better when you're singing and you're dancing and you're davvenning it's easy. When it's bezras Hashem baruch Hashem when it's all flowing and you see his hand everywhere and everything makes sense and you're so grateful it's great life's great. But what happens when it's the opposite? What happens I'm going through motions but they feel empty and void of meaning. Where are you and how do I connect? That's the question. That's the question. V'hanekudah haikarit, the key, the ikar, the central point ba'avodat hamatzav hakatnut, how do we get out of it when we're in a small place? לדעת שעכשיו השם יתברך מנהיג אותי בדרך של קטנות. First of all realize Hashem is now interacting with me and placing me and positioning me in a place of katnut. That's okay. It's okay. I don't measure myself, not only should I not measure myself against others, but I shouldn't measure myself against the best of myself in another time. Maybe last week or last month or last year, maybe last decade, maybe last lifetime in my year in Israel I was once on fire and my whole life is trying to get back to that place. So what are we going to do? Knock ourselves down? Despair? Despondency? Give up? Beat ourselves up? Feel it'll never happen? The first thing is to realize that if this is where I am and this is how I'm feeling, this is where Hashem wants me to be. This is where I'm meant to be. I'm now coming at him from a place of katnut. I'm coming at him from this narrow smaller place and smaller mindset. דהיינו לא לטעות לחשוב שכעת אני מנותק חס ושלום מהשם יתברך. Meaning, it's not we're either all in or we're all out. Some people live life like that. Extremes. Either all in or all out. Either on fire and telling everyone and isn't it amazing or I'm all out. We know people like that. I can think of someone specific like that. They were all in, they talked all about the time, they had no tolerance for somebody who wasn't into davening and learning and emuna and to see Hashem everywhere and they talked about it and they demanded that and they demanded it of their children and they were on fire. And then they didn't feel it, and now they're totally, totally disconnected. Barely holding on to a life of observance, not engaged in a life of meaning or purpose or pursuit of connecting with Hashem. So life is not all or nothing, not either all in or all out. Even in the moment we're feeling distant realize it's not over. I'm not out. This is where I'm meant to be. I'm meant to be in a place of struggle. I'm meant to be low. But I'm going to climb up and out. וממילא היא סוג של התגלות. I'm in a place that there's going to be revelation. I'm in a place where there's a certain yerida l'shem aliya. Sometimes we descend in order to be able to go up. You go down in order to be able to go up. I saw a beautiful mashal in another sefer just this morning about this. When you build a tall building, what's the very first thing that you have to do? If you want the building to be sturdy and last and stand, what's the first thing? Where do you build the foundation? Very first thing you have to do is dig down and you go down in order to be able to go up. If you want to build a tall building that's going to withstand wind, you want a tall sturdy building that's going to last, the first thing you do is dig a hole. You go down in that hole and you build the foundation. And now when you're down in that dark damp hole when there's no light and you don't see Him and you feel "big tall building? I'm underground. I'm in the negative, I'm in the red. What do you mean big tall building?" But when you're down there you realize and you say to yourself, "I meant to be down here because it's only down here that I can build the foundation that I can then climb up and out." Only down here in this dark damp, only down here in this, in this hole can I build the foundation that I can build on it to go up. So sometimes when we feel out of it and we feel distant, sometimes we spoke last week, אלול ארון לוחות ושברי לוחות. Life is not just about the whole tablets, it's about the broken pieces, it's about the brokenness. The Kotsker famously said, famous because I know it, the Kotsker famously said, there's nothing as whole as a broken heart. There's nothing as whole as a broken heart. Sometimes when you feel completely whole is when really you're broken. When you feel everything's amazing and hunky dory and smooth sailing and God's amazing and life's amazing everything's amazing, maybe you're faking it. Maybe you're imitating, maybe you're an impostor, maybe you're faking it, maybe you're superficial. So you make it look like everything's all together, you got it all together, everything's going so smoothly, ah, you're completely broken inside. And it's the person who leans into their brokenness who's really whole. Person who's going through a tough time, person who's wondering how they're going to fight through it or break out of it, how they're going to endure to persevere through it, it's only when you lean into the brokenness sometimes that you realize "now I'm whole because I'm comfortable being broken, because I found Him even in the brokenness, because I'm building a foundation in being while being underground, in that brokenness, in the shivrei luchot, that is, that makes me whole. Leaning into the brokenness is what makes me, is what makes me whole, is what makes me whole. So don't deny it, don't be in denial of it, lean into it and realize this is where I am." This is how I'm connecting to Hashem at this time. This is my struggle. It's not over. I'm not disconnected. שהתברך בוחר להתגלות באופן של קל מסתתר. Sometimes Hashem is everywhere. You're walking around and you literally see him everywhere. His guiding hand everywhere, his love everywhere, his support everywhere, our accountability to him everywhere. Sometimes we have periods of life of revelation. He's everywhere. And there's other times of Kel Mistater. He's hidden. He's nowhere. Where is he? I can't find him. I'm looking and I'm searching, but I can't find him. But even in those moments of Katnus, of smallness, of brokenness, of hiddenness, he's there. Even in those moments that we feel that we're underground, we are building the foundation in order to be able to come out. And we have to realize there are highs and lows and there's a cycle. When you're in a high, it's almost worse, because you're waiting for when's the other shoe going to drop or I go into the low. How long is this going to last? How long can I maintain this level? מי יעלה בהר השם ומי יקום במקום קדשו. Who can climb on the mountain, but who could stay there? So when you're in that high and that great place, you say to yourself, how long is this going to last? how long is my Davening going to be this great Davening? How long am I going to have this Emuna and feel in this place with him? When you're in a low, in a kind of paradoxical way, it can be almost better, because you say, I'm in a low, but you know what? Because life is cycles, I know I'm going to experience a high. I'm about to break out. I'm about to break out with some revelation. I'm about to use this as my springboard to find him. I'm down underground, but I'm building the foundation. I'm about to build a skyscraper of Emuna. I'm about to build a tall, sturdy skyscraper of Emuna that will come out from the ground, sprout and blossom out from this foundation I'm building, while I feel I'm in this dark and damp underground hole. I'm in this place. So sometimes it's even better, because I know that there's a cycle and I have confidence and we've experienced that cycle in life, I know I'm going to break out. ואף שבקטנות האדם לא מרגיש כלום. And what about you'll say but I'm dark and it's damp and it's underground and I don't experience and I don't feel anything, I'm going through motions. I'm just going through motions. I just had this conversation with someone recently who said, Rabbi, I come to Shul, I open the Siddur, I'm doing the Davening, I haven't given up on it, but I'm not getting anything out of it. There's nothing there. I'm just turning pages. I'm just saying words. I'm in a place of Katnus. We've had periods of Davening where we're surrendering and submitting and we're losing ourselves in him, we're focused on every word, this meditation, this breathing, this connection to our source, it's recharging our battery. And then you have, I'm turning pages, I'm saying words, I'm putting a check on the checklist. הוצרך לזכור ולהבין שהשם יתברך תמיד נמצא איתנו. Hashem is always with us. He's always right there. ומה שכעת הוא לא מרגישו זה חלק מצורת ההנהגה והתגלות של השם יתברך. This is part of the way he conducts himself, and it's part of his revealing himself. He's revealing himself in hiddenness. You're playing hide and seek. Know that you're in the middle of a game, and you've got to go tag you're it, go find him. It's a hide and seek. There's a revelation within the hiddenness. Now go find him. Now go find him. ועל ידי הבנה זו יוכל להרגיש שקטנות אינו ניתוק. Then you realize that smallness, or narrowness, or distance, or being disconnected is not in fact mean it's over, game over, you're out. אלא אדרבה שהשם יתברך עצמו עשה אותו. Sometimes Hashem is right there, you're having a cup of coffee with him. Wow, what a cup of coffee. You ever get together with a friend you haven't seen in a long time, and that cup of coffee that was supposed to be half an hour is like three hours later, and you walk away and you give that hug and you're like, this was amazing. We need to do this more often. We caught up, and I forgot how amazing it is and we're so comfortable together, and you bring out the best in me, and I can trust you and confide in me. And that's amazing, we got to do that more often. So sometimes that's your Davening with Hashem. Hashem, give me a hug, let's hug it out, this was amazing. I forgot how great that could be. I spoke to you, I confided in you, I thanked you, I felt your presence, this was amazing. This was amazing. And other times your friend says, let's play hide and seek. Your friend doesn't say that because we're adults and we don't do that, but stick with me in my hypothetical example. Your friend says, we're playing hide and seek. Go look for me. I just want to have coffee with you and think that's amazing. Your friend says, but I'm hiding right now. I'm playing, I'm playing hard to get. We do play hide and seek in friendship. We just don't do it as a game like children, we do it ridiculously to create drama as adults. We play hide and seek. I always call you, let's see if she'll call me to have coffee. You know, I always reach out to him, let's see if he'll call me. We play hide and seek as adults with each other all the time, only it's not a game, it's damaging and destructive and stupid and foolish. But sometimes a relationship is hug... But sometimes a relationship is hugging it out, coffee, three hours, this was amazing, and sometimes we're in the middle of a game of hide and seek, and Hashem we have both relationships with him as well. But know that when you're in the hide and seek, when the friend's playing hide and seek, what they're saying is, I miss you, I long for you, I want that relationship, they just don't know how to say it. They don't know how to say it, or maybe they've said it ineffectively in the past, so instead they're hiding, they're hiding. But what they're really saying is, I miss you, and I want to get together with you, and I long to have this relationship with you. So when the Ribono Shel Olam's hiding from us, it's like that friend. He's not hiding because he doesn't want a relationship, he's hiding because he wants us to seek, he wants us to look. So when we're going through a period of life where it feels like he's hidden, where is he, why isn't he answering, why are things happening the way they are, why does it feel so dark down here, that's him calling out, come look for me, I'm hiding, I'm hiding. It's that kind of a tekufah, that kind of a conversation. דוקא מתוך ההסתר יכול אדם להרגיש איך הבורא נמצא איתו פה. It sounds again contradictory or paradoxical, within the hiddenness Hashem is revealing I want you to look for me. When everything's hunky-dory, smooth sailing, going well, it's going well, he's right there, fine. When he's hiding, he's almost more explicitly saying I want you to look for me. So he's revealing himself through his hiddenness. שהוא מתגלה בצורה הזו של חושך ואי הרגשה. In darkness there's a little crack of light, a breakthrough, a little glimmer of light says, come find me, use the light find me. The light at the end of the tunnel, that little crack, that light's coming through, find it, find me, and then make it open. Instead of it being a sliver or a crack, break it wide open, let the light in. So it's a whole different paradigm and way that we could look at the dark moments of our life. Instead of looking at it with sadness or frustration or as an excuse to cop out or to leave, to look at it as wow, I don't see him and I don't feel him, he really wants me to come search for him. Wow, he's really revealing himself in his hiddenness to me in this moment. It's very different than the way that we've always thought about it. So how do we do that? How do we do that? We'll see in one second. השם יתברך תמיד נמצא. He's always there. He could be hidden or revealed, but he's always there. ואנחנו תמיד מחוברים אליו. And we are always connected to him. אלא שפעם הוא מתנהג ומתגלה כך ופעם כך. Sometimes he acts in a revealed way and sometimes it's a more hidden way. וכשיש דעת כזו ואדם מבין שהקטנות אינו מצב שהשם יתברך לא מתגלה. And in such a matzav, in such a place in our lives when Hashem is not revealing, סוג של התגלות אלקות יש להשם יתברך חשבון בתכלית בזה שכך הוא מתגלה אלי כעת ממילא אדם מבין שאני עמו אף שאני לא מרגיש כלום. I'm with him even when I don't feel it. Zeh tikun hakatnus. So the way out is to lean in. The way out is to lean in. The way out is to realize that he's revealing himself in his hiddenness. So don't stay in the hiddenness. Don't stay with where is he, why is he, why don't I feel anything, why am I going through motions, why is there nothing here. Realize if I feel nothing and there's nothing here and he feels hidden from me right now, that's his invitation and my opportunity to go look for him. This is my invitation and opportunity to go look for him. So what's the way, העבודה בקטנות היא תפילה. The answer is talk to him, talk to him. The answer is talk to him. You can find him if you talk to him. I don't know if it was John Gottman or where I read this, a marriage therapist who made the following suggestion. You know if you have a generally healthy and happy and functional and wonderful marriage, but every marriage like any relationship has ups and downs. There are frustrations, there are fights, there are tensions, there are differences. It's design, it's part of the nature of marriage. We don't marry our carbon copy. The whole beauty of marriage is that we marry people who complement us, but we have different backgrounds and upbringings, personalities and genetics and different approaches to things. When we navigate them smoothly we complement one another, it's wonderful. But by design there's also going to be friction and differences, different expectations and the like. So sometimes there's a fight. So sometimes there is again it's love and hunky-dory and romance and electric and amazing and everything, you can't get enough of spending time together and it's wonderful. And sometimes I don't even know who this person is and I don't even recognize them and so angry and frustrated this behavior it's got to be worked through. So what do you do? You call Rabbi Flug and schedule the get because you had a fight? You had a difference of opinion about how to spend Yom Tov or where to go on vacation or something with the children or something about the credit card bill? So that's it? That's it? You give the get because? Because no, you realize we have a marriage, it's healthy, has a strong foundation, we're going through a moment of hiddenness, of katnus, of a distance. So how do you get it back? How do you break out? How do you break out? So I once saw a marriage therapist who said the following, assuming it's appropriate halachically and it's something that can be done. He said, with the consent of the other person, in the middle of the fight, just give a hug to the other person. In the middle of the fight, right, the temperature's high, the decibel level's high, the emotions are running high, but just put your hand on the other person's hand. Just give a hug and then go back to the fight. Just touch their hand and then go back to the fight. Give a hug and then go back to the fight. The advice was what the hug or what touching the hand does is it's an affirmation and it's a reminder that there's really a loving relationship, a connection, a shared history, shared destiny, a shared soul. We'll figure this out, we'll work this out, we'll have this conversation, we'll reconcile this issue, but let's just remember that this fight can be an opportunity to actually figure something out. Gottman does say that every fight was a conversation that needed to happen that didn't happen. In every fight there was a conversation that needed to happen that the fight happened instead. But if you can pivot the fight into the conversation, then the fight was a good thing. If there was a difference that had to be reconciled, if there were feelings that had to be dealt with, then the fight could be a good thing if it becomes a conversation instead of a fight. So it's a very interesting strategy that you interrupt the fight to have a hug. You interrupt the fight to touch a hand. And that energy that's exchanged and that affection deflects an enormous amount of what was driving that fight and enables a person to say, you know, the five-for-five rule, I shared it in a drasha before. If it won't matter in five years, then don't spend more than five minutes on it. If it won't matter in five years, don't spend more than five minutes. Spend five minutes, something frustrated you or annoyed you, about the shul, the school, the community, the airline, the department store, the traffic, your spouse. You could spend five minutes. But if it won't matter in five years, don't spend more than five minutes. It's a philosophy and an approach to life, it's not my own, I forgot who said it. So what the affection does is it reconnects you and reminds you that the fight won't matter in five minutes. We'll figure it out, but the marriage is strong and there's affection underneath it. Why am I telling you this? Because it's a good strategy, first of all. ברוך אתה ה' אלקינו מלך העולם שהכל נהיה בדברו amen. But also because I think we could do the same thing kiveyachol with Hashem. We could do the same thing with Hashem. we have a relationship with Hashem, we know he's a creator, we know he's our source, we know he's in charge of everything, we know he created the world, we know we're accountable to him, we know he loves us, we love him. We know all of that. But sometimes there's some tension. Sometimes we don't feel it. Sometimes we don't feel him. Sometimes we feel he's hiding. Sometimes there's no affection. Sometimes we're in a period of katnus, of smallness. Sometimes we're feeling brokenness. So you gotta reach out and give him a hug. Reach out and touch his hand. Interrupt that tension or that distance, interrupt that brokenness with, oh yeah, you love me and I love you and we're connected and you are the source of everything in my life and I'm gonna come out of this. Life is a cycle, there's highs and lows, there's ups and downs, and I'm going to come out of this. So how do you reach out and touch Hashem? How do you give him that hug, how do you hold that hand, how do you show that affection? How do you break out? I'm tempted to stop here because we're almost out of time, but we'll do two more minutes. I don't want to leave you with a cliffhanger. העבודה המעשית עולה מזה מובן החלק המעשי בדרך של מסירות נפש. You have to be willing to be moser nefesh. Relationship takes effort, sacrifice, compromise, courage. שצריך לחפש את ה' יתברך מתוך הקטנות. You have to find him from the brokenness and the smallness. כמו שכתוב ובקשתם משם את ה' אלקיך ומצאת. Uvikashtem misham, you will search, you'll be a mevakesh, a searcher and a seeker, and you'll look for him from that place. Uvikashtem from where? Misham. What's sham? What's sham? Uvikashtem misham. Misham mimkom hayerida. Misham in the descent, in the fall, in the dungeon, in the dark damp underground hole, from sham uvikashtem misham umatzasa. You'll find him. You'll find him, you'll seek him and you'll see him and you'll find him. Means you have to look harder. Means you have to search harder. Means you have to search harder. I heard a story, I don't know if it's true, who's the owner of the Cowboys? I'm talking to the wrong crowd. No offense, no offense to anyone here. Anyone want to impress me right now? The Dallas Cowboys. I forgot his name who owns the Dallas Cowboys. He made his money off of discovering oil, Texas. I heard the story, I don't know if it's true. Oh well. So, how did he discover oil? So he didn't drill in places that hadn't been drilled. His secret strategy, his business approach was companies that were digging for oil and they dug and they didn't find oil and they gave up and they moved on to a new location, he would buy the rights to dig in that place. That doesn't sound like a winning strategy to me, companies who specialize who dug and didn't find, why would you buy the rights davka specifically to those places? And he dug and he found. And he said, because those companies, they had a certain formula. If they invest X amount of money, X amount of time, they dig X amount of depth and they don't find, they move on. He said, but I knew that there was a reason they chose that spot and all I needed to do was do what? Dig a little deeper. And if you dig a little deeper, you walk away with tremendous wealth. In life sometimes you just need to dig a little deeper. You have to be willing to dig a little deeper. So are we willing to dig a little deeper? If we want religion and spirituality to come to us, it's going to be hard. It's going to be hard. I was interviewed for the Headlines podcast this week about tefillah and I think the first question that was asked, you know, what could we be doing differently or better to get more connected to davening and the first thing I said was taking achrayus, taking responsibility. You know we come as spectators, as religious spectators to religion. I'm here in shul, wow me, turn me on, excite me, elevate me, inspire me, rabbi, chazan, choir, people sitting near me, come on. And then we leave and we say, you know, I wasn't inspired, shul doesn't do it, this minyan doesn't do it, this rabbi doesn't do it, nothing does. But what achrayus do we take? If we are committed and invested and we take responsibility for our own spirituality, you could be in the most uninspiring environment and you will be elevated. And if you and if you are turned off and disconnected you could be in the most inspiring environment and you'll feel nothing. So of course it all contributes and we spend all of our life trying to make it an inspiring environment, but it begins with taking achrayus. Taking achrayus. You could hire the nutritionist and the exercise coach and the trainer and the, but if you don't take achrayus it's not going to help. Taking responsibility. We have to be willing to dig deeper. We have to be seekers and searchers. We have to be on a mission that we're looking for God. Are we looking for him? Are we talking to him? Are we in conversation with him? Do we feel him? Sometimes he's readily right in front of our face we don't have to look very far. Other times he's playing hide and seek and those are the moments of truth, how much are we willing to look? But we don't take achrayus. I mean this is a general problem and phenomena in the twenty-first century that everything comes to us so conveniently and comfortably and smoothly and easily. It's all disposable. I don't like my car I get a new one, I upgrade my phone, I upgrade my technology, I Google and I get my answers, I don't like something I turn it in, or I go to somewhere else or something else. People can change anything they want today, even the world is telling them they can change their core identity in certain ways. Everyone just wants to be able to transfer and transform and change and get whatever they want easily. But you can't pay for spiritual surgery. Spiritually it doesn't work that way. Spiritually you can't pay to get, you know, whatever surgery to change your spiritual identity. I want to be an inspired person, where can I pay someone? Where can I pay someone to change my spiritual identity, my spiritual orientation so I can just be that person? You got to dig deeper, you got to take achrayus, we got to take ownership over it. L'chapes, mevakesh, are we searching, are we seeking, are we looking? What are we doing? How are we invested? What are we willing to give up? How are we willing to inconvenience ourselves? How are we willing to leave our comfort zone? If we believe it's worthwhile. If you believe it's not worthwhile and you don't believe it's expected of you, then don't do it. But if we believe it's worthwhile, if we believe it's meaningful and purposeful, if we believe it's what life is all about, if we believe it's what's good for our spiritual, emotional, physical health, good, you say that. So what are we willing to do for it? Do we want to want it or do we want it? Do we want it? What are we willing to put into it to get something out of davening? to have relationship with the Shepherd, to be in conversation with him? What are we willing to put in? Do we allocate the time, the energy, the resources, the attention, the focus? Or do we want it to come to us? We want to be passive spectators. Just wake up and all of a sudden we're plugged in and everything's amazing. It doesn't work that way. It takes work and it takes effort. You know what it's called? Avodas Hashem. What does the word Avoda mean? Work. It's called Avodas Hashem. The word Avoda for a reason. No pain, no gain. It takes work. It's like I want to wake up at the gym. Like why aren't my muscles bigger? Why haven't I lost weight? Why isn't my heart healthier? You haven't touched a machine. You're sitting in the corner watching as a spectator everyone else work out. The trainer's barking orders at you, but you're sitting on a chair watching the workout and you're wondering why aren't I healthier, why aren't I bigger and stronger and better? Hey buddy, hey lady, get on a treadmill, touch a weight, break a sweat. No pain, no gain. If you don't take achrayus, nothing's going to change. So do we lean in? Are we willing to lean in l'chapes, to search and to seek, to mix it up? And I'll end by telling you, some of you were there, thank you for coming, some of you were there, I have no idea because it was pitch black. But last Thursday night we met at the beach for hisbodedus at the beach. Talk about mixing it up, it was fantastic. One of you, I won't say who, I don't want to embarrass, said changed your life. That's incredibly rewarding for me to hear, that you walked away from that maybe first authentic conversation with Hashem in such a deep and profound way. One of you, who spent several years, I won't say many, several years davening and learning and talking to Hashem, said it changed your life. One of you sitting here now said it changed your life. It's unbelievable. Davening's not always from that same siddur, it's not always in that same seat in shul, it's not always in that same space in our home. Mix it up. Close the siddur, just talk to him. We went to the beach last Thursday night. I thought it was going to be me, myself, and I. I thought it was going to be hisbodedus mamash. But there were over 50 people who showed up, and we sat in a big circle in the sand, in a suit and tie, in the sand. I thought no one was going to show up. I was just going to turn around and go home. But in the sand and we sang. And then we did some very cheesy breathing, deep breathing. We restored our neshamas with neshima. And then we listened to the waves and the chirps and we tried to feel but there was no breeze because it's Boca in August/September. And then we learned a piece by Reb Nachman about hisbodedus, what it means to have a conversation with Hashem. And then we scattered along the beach and we sat there and we just looked out into the endless ocean and listened and watched the waves crash at our feet and closed our eyes or left them open but had a conversation with Hashem. Out loud, talk to him. What we object, what we protest, what we need, what we ask, what we're grateful for, what we thank him for. It was amazing. It was amazing. I was done, and I'm like okay, I think I'm good. And then I looked around and everyone was still there. So I was like I can't leave yet, supposedly the leader. Okay, a couple more minutes of this, and I'm like okay, I'm good. I looked around and everyone was still there. And it was just a beautiful sight to see. People spread out privately and some leaning against poles saying their Tehillim and some finding their feet in the ocean and some, and it was just amazing. Now, if we do that every single night, will it grow old and stale? Absolutely. Some people were like let's do this once a month. I'm, even that might be too often. And we don't have to do it all together. The idea is hisbodedus, separate, do it apart. But we gotta have real conversations, we gotta search and seek, we gotta look for him. He's hiding and he's inviting us. So the upshot is that even in those moments, sometimes we feel down and out and despair in the dark dungeon, sometimes we feel we're in that hole underground, build a foundation. While you're down there build a foundation that you can build a huge spiritual skyscraper to sprout from the sky. Get off the chair in the corner of the spiritual gym and get on a machine. Get on a machine. Lift some weights, do some cardio. Put on the spiritual workout clothing that tells you I'm going to break a sweat, I'm going to get in the game, I'm going to look, I'm going to search, I'm going to take achrayus, responsibility for my own spirituality, I'm not going to wait to be inspired, I'm going to find it and seek it and search it. I'm going to Jerry Jones, thank you, Bailey Smith online, Jerry Jones owns the Dallas Cowboys. Dig a little deeper. Dig a little deeper. Thank you. Dig a little deeper because you'll strike spiritual oil. If you dig a little bit deeper, everyone else is going to give up at the surface. Everyone else only dug a little bit. Dig a little bit deeper. Dig a little, dig a little deeper, and im yirtzeh Hashem we should all be zocheh to strike spiritual oil and wealth and riches, that we should spend more time in the period of gadlus than katnus, more time in... Tonight is a very big milestone. I hope your calendars are all marked. I'm sure they are. Tonight's a huge celebration for the Jewish people. You know what tonight is in the calendar? Tonight is the 100th episode of Behind the Bima. Thank you very much, thank you, thank you. Anyway, we're going to celebrate tonight with the great Eitan Katz. By the way, this is—you talk about wanting to be inspired, we will talk to him about the soul of his songs and being connected. One of the questions I'd ask him is when he plays at a concert, at a simcha, is he just playing the music because he's hired to perform? Or does he really feel L'mancha every time he plays it? Does he feel Baruch Elokeinu every time he plays it? How do you not make it be rote? How do you stay connected to the music? What is the role of music in stirring our soul? Talk about music? I don't know what Reb Nachman would say about listening to music while you sit alone on the beach trying to talk to Hashem, but music for me, sometimes music can move you to tears. Music makes you move your feet, clap your hands. Music changes a whole attitude and environment and energy. Music can wake up a sleeping soul. So the power of music tonight, 9:00 p.m., Behind the Bima. You can share—we have an email and a phone number—but I don't remember, I think behindthebima@gmail.com. If you have a favorite episode or a favorite guest or a favorite moment, we're going to share everybody's favorite moments tonight, so we'll read it with your name or without if you'd like to share it. Tonight, Behind the Bima. Until next time, stay happy, stay healthy, stay holy. You can go get your Emunah stuff in the lobby. Have a fantastic day, everyone. Thank you.
