Transcript
Good morning, בוקר טוב Boker tov, welcome back to Parsha perspectives for today. Great to see familiar faces and to welcome some new friends to our פרשה Parsha class. Our series is sponsored, the series is sponsored for the year by Becky and Avi Katz in loving memory of David Grossman, לילוי נשמת דוד בן נחום מנשה leiluy nishmas David ben Nachum Menashe, and we remain very, very grateful to the Katzes. This morning's שיעור shiur is also co-sponsored anonymously, as a thank you to BRS for all the wonderful שיעורים shiurim, which we are grateful and honored and privileged to be able to share together with you. We have the privilege this week of reading and of learning פרשת כי תצא Parshas Ki Seitzei, page 1,046 in the ArtScroll Stone חומש Chumash.Reminder if you've not signed up yet for our one-on-one campaign, a minute a day of learning, a dollar a day, in the merit of Esti Moskowitz, אסתר טילא בת אריה צפורה Esther Tila bas Aryeh Tzipora. Last week we had Jonathan Donath, the founder of Daily Giving on Behind the במה Bima, and he spoke all about that amazing, amazing organization and program. Many responded, and even more money is being given out every day. You can join brsonline.org/oneinone. Join and learn a minute a day, give a dollar a day, and you can be the difference maker, please God, in a רפואה שלמה refuah shleima for Esti and all those who are ill. כי תצא למלחמה על אויבך Ki seitzei lamilchama al oyvecha, when you go out to war against your enemies, ונתנו ה' אלוקיך בידך u'nesano Hashem Elokecha b'yadecha, and God places the enemy in your hands, ושבית שביו v'shavisa shivyo, and you capture into captivity a woman. I saw an interesting question we will not get into, but I share with you for your careful consideration. כי תצא למלחמה על אויבך Ki seitzei lamilchama al oyvecha sounds like when, which part of the war? Not a trick question. The beginning. כי תצא Ki seitzei, when you go out. And the text then continues to tell us, ונתנו ה' אלוקיך בידך u'nesano Hashem Elokecha b'yadecha, and the enemy is placed in your hand. When does that happen? That's the end of a war. You persevere, you triumph, you win when you capture the enemy. So why do we couch capturing the enemy as כי תצא למלחמה ki seitzei lamilchama, as the very beginning of the war? Chronologically doesn't seem to make sense in the way the pasuk is presented, but that is not our topic for this morning. Torah continues, וראית בשביה אשת יפת תואר v'raisa bashivya eishes yefas toar, and among those who are taken captive, you find a beautiful woman, a woman who's objectively beautiful, וחשקת בה v'chashakta bah, and you long for her, you desire her, ולקחת לך לאשה v'lakachta lecha l'isha, you take her to you as a wife. והבאתה אל תוך ביתך v'haveisa el toch beisecha, you bring her into your home, and now, rather than try to promote attraction and intimacy and romance and love, Torah endorses the exact opposite. וגלחה את ראשה ועשתה את צפרניה v'gilcha es rosha v'asa es tziporneha, you should bring her into your home, shave her head, let her nails grow. She becomes repulsive, undesirous to you in order to break that relationship. Torah tells us why. It's a non-Jewish captive, it's somebody you take as the result of a war, and normally she's out of reach, normally she is somebody who is not, who's out of bounds. And yet the Torah here gives permission. Why? Rashi quotes, לא דברה תורה אלא כנגד יצר הרע lo dibra Torah ela keneged yeitzer hara. Because the Torah speaks to a person's יצר הרע yeitzer hara. Torah understands a soldier at war, and we know throughout time that soldiers and armies and at war, their moral boundaries were somewhat blurred. Maybe not in the context of war, but in relationships wherever they were. They are a soldier who is on the front line, a soldier who's fighting, maybe even put in a position to have to kill in order to defend, that soldier is nourishing the most carnal part of who they are. And with that, comes out often an animal instinct, an animal personality, so much of the soldier emerges and comes out. So the Torah understands that this soldier has certain drives, certain temptation, and the Torah speaks to, לא דברה תורה אלא כנגד יצר הרע lo dibra Torah ela keneged yeitzer hara. The Torah is not describing or legislating, regulating a utopian society, a perfect world. Torah's not talking to a world the way we wish it were, Torah is talking to the world the way it is. The reality of the world the way it is, and the reality is we live with temptation. We're made up of a godly soul, a godly spirit, but we also have an animal impulse, an animal drive, an animal desire. The Torah doesn't say, don't be an animal, be a godly soul. Torah doesn't say it's illegitimate or dismiss it or purge it or deny it. Torah says we live in a real world, we're real people, we're fallible, we make mistakes, we have failures and shortcomings. And לא דברה תורה אלא כנגד יצר הרע lo dibra Torah ela keneged yeitzer hara. Torah is not speaking to a perfect world, speaking to a real world, a real world. It's interesting the Gemara lists several things that were created בין השמשות bein hashmashos. Gemara gives us a list of things that God created even before the world was created. בין השמשות Bein hashmashos means on the eve, on the cusp of creation, God introduced to the world certain ideas, certain objects that transcend the world, that are so critical they are core components of the world. They were created even before creation. The donkey of Billam, for example, and many others. One of the things that God created before the world was, תשובה tshuva. On that list of things is תשובה tshuva. What is תשובה tshuva? Repentance, repair, return, restoring. Why? Why did he create that before the creation of the world? It's a very deep and a very profound message and lesson there that Hashem didn't create תשובה tshuva as a concession. It's not that he created the world and he put us in it, and he said, look, it's a perfect world, be perfect people. Turns out we struggled, turns out we have temptation, turns out we tripped on ourselves. So he said, what can I do? I have no choice as a response, a reaction, as a concession, I'll give you תשובה tshuva, I'll give you this means, this medium to repair. No, God said even before the creation of the world, I know you're not perfect. I know you're fallible. I know mistakes will happen, I know mistakes will come, and therefore he creates תשובה tshuva before he creates the world. It's very validating. I find it very empowering that when we make mistakes, there's a way back. Don't compound those mistakes, don't become disheartened and despair, don't give up and feel like an utter failure, don't feel like I'm supposed to be perfect, why can't I measure up? But recognize and realize we're imperfect people in an imperfect world, and God gave us the perfect tools to navigate and to come back. He gave us תשובה tshuva even before the creation of the world. I just mentioned the other night at a חופה chuppah that I had this, one of the reasons that we break the glass under the חופה chuppah. Many reasons are offered, many are given. We're not going to review them all, but one I find powerful is we turn to the חתן chasan and כלה kallah, we say right now under the חופה chuppah, everything seems majestic and beautiful and royal and regal, and you're madly in love and all you see is each other as perfect. And even the imperfections, you dismiss as as wonderful, cute, and adorable idiosyncrasies. But you need to know before you leave the חופה chuppah, we break something, because we want you to know something's going to break. Life's not perfect. It's not smooth sailing. It's not linear and upward. Life's ups and downs. There are moments of being whole and moments of feeling broken. So before we leave this חופה chuppah, and before you have this illusion that you're going to have some utopian and perfect marriage and world, and then what happens? The first sign of tension or trouble, the first fight, I guess I'm out. I guess it's over. I guess it's not meant to be, because in the books I read, the movies I watched, that's not supposed to happen. So what do we do before we leave the חופה chuppah? We break a glass. We smash a glass. Something breaks even before you begin. To know there'll be broken moments. that Hashem gave us תשובה tshuva before he created the world. We acknowledge brokenness even before you walk away from your חופה chuppah. לא דברה תורה אלא כנגד יצר הרע lo dibra Torah ela keneged yeitzer hara. The Torah was not authored as utopian literature. The Torah is real world, how to navigate a real world that's complicated, and it's filled with complicated things and nuance and and gray. שם אינו הקדוש ברוך הוא מתירה, ישאנה באיסור she'im eino HaKadosh Baruch Hu matira, yisa'ena b'issur. If Hashem wouldn't have allowed it, then this soldier would have indulged their impulse and would have pursued and married this woman and would have done it in a forbidden way. So I saw a beautiful insight. רב לייב לופיאן Rav Leib Lopian, the ראש ישיבה Rosh Yeshiva of גייטסהעד Gateshead said, הכוונה היא שאם ישאנה באיסור, שוב ירגיש בעצמו שהוא עובד, ואין לו ישועה כבר מהקדוש ברוך הוא, וילך מדרך לדרך רחמנא ליצלן Ha'kavana hi she'im yisa'ena b'issur, shuv yargish b'atzmo shehu oved, v'ein lo yeshua kvar me'HaKadosh Baruch Hu, v'yeilech miderech l'derech rachmana litzlan. How do we really understand the Rashi? The Torah doesn't describe a perfect world, a utopian society. לא דברה תורה אלא כנגד יצר הרע lo dibra Torah ela keneged yeitzer hara. Good, I understand. The Torah is speaking to our יצר הרע yeitzer hara. But then the Rashi says, had God not allowed it, we would have gone forward with it and done it באיסור b'issur. How is that speaking to the יצר הרע yeitzer hara? The יצר הרע yeitzer hara wanted her. The יצר הרע yeitzer hara was going to take her. The יצר הרע yeitzer hara was going to take her in a prohibited way. So now the יצר הרע yeitzer hara is taking her in a permissible way. But it's still the יצר הרע yeitzer hara that drives this relationship and this pursuit. So what did we accomplish by making it permissible? So he says such a powerful insight. What would have happened if the soldier would have taken the woman באיסור b'issur? What would have happened if the soldier took the woman when he was prohibited to? You know what our nature, our tendency is? Our instinct is that when we violate that boundary, when we do something wrong, we give up on ourselves and it spirals down. We say, you know, I'm not competent, I'm not capable. Clearly, I'm a reject. So why bother trying? Why bother even doing it? We see this all the time. Somebody who watches something inappropriate, acts out inappropriately, someone who's imperfect outside of shul says, what am I going to go to minyan? What am I going to learn, go to the daf? What am I going to go to the women's midrasha? What do I speak לשון הרע lashon hara, or I'm struggling with this other area. So we see ourselves as inadequate, and then that spirals down. So that's the לא דברה תורה אלא כנגד יצר הרע lo dibra Torah ela keneged yeitzer hara. Had you thought it was אסור assur and you crossed that line, now you give up on yourself and you would, you would become even further distanced. That's what it means. That's הכוונה לא דברה תורה אלא כנגד יצר הרע ha'kavana lo dibra Torah ela keneged yeitzer hara. To do all we can to avoid a person seeing themselves as אני עבריין ani avaryan. I'm a transgressor, I'm a violator, I'm a low life. So if I'm a low life, I might as well be a low life. נבך nebach, there are so many people lost to Yiddishkeit who had a negative experience with a teacher, with a Rebbe, with a parent, who said to them, if you do that, you're a שייגעץ sheigetz, you're a שקאץ shkotz, you're a גוי goy, you're an עבריין avaryan, you're a low life. So they say to themselves, I did that. I had that יצר הרע yeitzer hara. I guess now I'm a שייגעץ sheigetz. I might as well be a שייגעץ sheigetz. I might as well be a שייגעץ sheigetz. I guess if I'm a שייגעץ sheigetz, I might as well live like a שייגעץ sheigetz. And that's a נבך nebach. We don't believe that. That's not true. That's not true. There's no such thing. יתמו חטאים מן הארץ ורשעים עוד אינם yitamu chata'im min ha'aretz u'reshayim od einam. We believe that we're good people and pure people and godly people who make mistakes. And we have to eliminate and purge the bad behavior. We're not bad people. So if a person feels I did something באיסור b'issur, they'll see themselves as an עבריין avaryan. I'm a שייגעץ sheigetz. If I'm a שייגעץ sheigetz, I might as well be a שייגעץ sheigetz. You say, you're not a שייגעץ sheigetz. You're a prince, a princess, you're a holy child of Hashem, you're a בן תורה ben Torah or a בת bas. So you made a mistake. You made a mistake. You're human. You're fallible. You made a mistake. But it's okay. You can come back. The gift and the beauty of תשובה tshuva. Rashi says לא דברה תורה אלא כנגד יצר הרע lo dibra Torah ela keneged yeitzer hara. If Hashem wouldn't have made it permissible, אבל נשא, סופו להיות שונאה aval nasa, sofo l'hiyos sone'ah. If you do marry her though, now the Torah says it's permissible. So first of all, we eliminated the forbidden fruit component. Now that it's permissible, you won't want it as badly. Because if you want her and you follow through and you marry her, you'll come to hate her. שנאמר אחר כך כי תהיין לאיש וסופו להוליד ממנה בן סורר ומורה she'ne'emar achar kach ki tihyena l'ish v'sofo l'holid mimena ben sorer u'moreh. לכך נסמכו פרשיות הללו l'chach nismichu parshiyos halalu. Rashi says, why do we have the juxtaposition of this case of the soldier who pursues a relationship that's not really appropriate for him, and that follows closely by the בן סורר ומורה ben sorer u'moreh, the rebellious child, the child who goes and veers off the path. So Rav Isaac Sher, the Rosh Yeshiva of סלבודקה Slabodka says, from this, and the holiness of the heart. The Torah is speaking to the יצר הרע yeitzer hara and it permits in a particular circumstance a forbidden thing for a person, that if God would not permit it, he would do it in a forbidden way. This is the one place where the Torah says, we allow you to do it, why? Because if we wouldn't say it's permissible, you would do it anyway, and you would do it באיסור b'issur. Says Rav Isaac Sher, what does that tell us about every other place when the Torah says you're not allowed to do something? What does it mean? It means we have the ability to observe Hashem's law. This was a test we couldn't pass. So Hashem says, tell you what, כי תצא למלחמה ki seitzei lamilchama, it's fine. ושבית שביו וראית בשביה אשת יפת תואר v'shavisa shivyo v'raisa bashivya eishes yefas toar, Hashem says I'll allow it. Why? Because if I disallow it, that would be a test you can't pass. I can't give you a test you can't pass. I'll allow it. Says Rav Isaac Sher, what does it say about every other איסור issur? You could pass it. We have it in us. We can be disciplined, we can be dignified, we can rise to that level, to that challenge. We could be those people we're meant to be, that we're capable of being. If this is the one exception, then it means every other mitzvah is the rule. And what is the rule? The rule is, we have it within us. We have that ability. We can rise to that occasion. What happens with this woman? Torah continues. והסירה את שמלת שביה מעליה וישבה בביתך ובכתה את אביה ואת אמה ירח ימים v'hesira es simlas shivya mei'aleha v'yashva b'veisecha u'vachsa es aviha v'es ima yerach yamim. ואחר כן תבוא אליה ובעלתה והייתה לך לאשה v'achar kein tavo eileha u've'alta v'haysa lecha l'isha. We do everything we can to make her unattractive and repulsive, to make her long and miss her home, and to make you not follow through and consummate this relationship. We remove her garment, she sits in your house, she cries for her father and mother for a full month. And after she shaves her head, lets her nails grow, cries for her mommy and daddy for a full month, and you still want it, the Torah is willing to bank you on. The Zohar HaKadosh says on these words, ובכתה את אביה ואת אמה ירח ימים u'vachsa es aviha v'es ima yerach yamim. She cries for her mother and father ירח ימים yerach yamim. What does ירח ימים yerach yamim mean? A month. We give her that time. You watch it, you witness it, you're aggravated by it. We make that atmosphere a month. Says the Zohar HaKadosh says the Zohar, ירח ימים דא אלול yerach yamim da Elul. Which month? This is an allusion to the month of אלול Elul. What does that mean? The laws of אשת יפת תואר eishes yefas toar only apply in the month of אלול Elul? Is that what it means? רב נתן וואכטפויגל Rav Nosson Wachtfogel, who was the משגיח mashgiach of לייקווד Lakewood says the following. It's not what it means. What's the Zohar alluding to? ירח ימים yerach yamim. We know that the ימים נוראים Yamim Noraim, the High Holidays, are called ירח איתנים yerach eitanim, that's an allusion, a name. So ירח ימים yerach yamim is an allusion to the month of אלול Elul. What does it mean? לא מדובר כאן על בכי של חרטה על חטאים Lo medubar kan al bechi shel charata al chata'im. We're not suggesting we are referencing we're crying. What is what is driving those tears? Regret, remorse, guilt, shame. Maybe those are good qualities, maybe bad qualities. We'll talk more about that as Elul progresses and into the Yamim Noraim, not necessarily good, maybe parts of them good, guilt, shame, regret, remorse, but that's not what we're talking about. Why is she crying? She's not sitting there crying out of regret, remorse, shame, and guilt. Why is she crying? The pasuk says, ובכתה את u'vachsa es אביה ואת aviha v'es אמה ima. Who does she miss? Her mother and father. Why is she crying? Because she's far away. She's far apart. And what does she want? She longs to go home. I just want to be close to my mother and father. I just want to feel their embrace. I just want to be in their shadow. I just want to be close to them. בכי של הסתקרבות לבורא עולם. בכי של געגועים לעולם של קדושה והשראת השכינה הקדושה, והסתקרבות להשם. Bechi shel hiskarvus l'Borei Olam. Bechi shel ga'aguim l'olam shel kedusha v'hashraas ha'Shechina ha'kedosha, v'hiskarvus la'Hashem. Says רב נתן וואכטפויגל Rav Nosson Wachtfogel, what is the Zohar telling us? ירח ימים דא אלול yerach yamim da Elul. What is the atmosphere of אלול Elul? אלול Elul's not walking around beating ourselves up. אלול Elul's not knocking ourselves down. אלול Elul's not thinking less of ourselves. אלול Elul's not about guilt and shame. What is אלול Elul about? Hashem, I've strayed far away. I've grown distant. I've veered off the path. ובכתה את אביה ואת אמה ירח ימים U'vachsa es aviha v'es ima yerach yamim. We should feel a sense of crying. I just want to be close to you again. I just want to be close. The preparation for יום הדין Yom HaDin, לחשוב מחשבות אמיתיות של אהבתו של אבינו שבשמים Lachshov machshavos amitiyos shel ahavaso shel Avinu shebashamayim. You're my father. אבא, טאטי, דאד Abba, Tati, Dad, it feels so far away. It's been so long since we've spoken. We haven't spent any time together. I just want to be close again. So unlike what we think that אלול Elul is a harsh time, of fear, shaking and trembling, a time that we're worried about consequence and accountability, that אלול Elul's regret, remorse, shame, guilt, says Rav Nosson Wachtfogel, אלול Elul is about love and אלול Elul is about longing. The tears are not tears of guilt and shame. The tears are tears of, I miss you. I want to come home. I want to feel close. I want to feel your protection. I want your wisdom and your guidance. I want to feel I'm under your shade. I long for you. געגועים ga'aguim. I miss you. I want to come home. That missing, that longing is the first step to coming home, to coming home. We come from a position of love, not of fear. We return. When you love your father and you want to come home, but your father says, but we got to repair the relationship. We've got some work to do. You're accountable for some mistakes you make. You say, no problem. I'm in. I'll work on it. I'll do it because I want to come home, because I miss you. But it begins not with fear, it begins with love. It begins דא אלול da Elul. אלול Elul is ובכתה את אביה u'vachsa es aviha. We cry because we miss our father. I give you a little preview, seder snippets, fast forward a little bit. Why is השיבנו אבינו לתורתך Hashiveinu Avinu l'Torasecha before סלח לנו אבינו Slach Lanu Avinu? Why is השיבנו Hashiveinu first? Maybe first we should say סלח לנו אבינו Slach Lanu Avinu, forgive me. And now השיבנו אבינו Hashiveinu Avinu, bring me close to your Torah, והחזירנו בתשובה v'hachazireinu b'tshuva. Why is השיבנו והחזירנו בתשובה Hashiveinu v'hachazireinu b'tshuva before סלח לנו אבינו Slach Lanu Avinu? Why? I once saw a beautiful insight. We're going to repeat this sitter snippets. I'm giving you the warning and I won't feel bad about it. Why? Because סלח לנו Slach Lanu means I made a mistake, you're going to hold me accountable, and now I'm cittering, I'm trembling. What's the punishment going to be? Please, סלח לנו Slach Lanu, please, judge, let me off the hook. Judge, give me time served. Judge, purge my file. Let me go. השיבנו אבינו Hashiveinu Avinu means, I want to come close to you. I made a mistake that put distance between me and you. It pushed me far away, and I long to come close. We say השיבנו אבינו Hashiveinu Avinu first before סלח לנו אבינו Slach Lanu Avinu because Hashem, whether you forgive me or not, whether you let me off the hook or not, whether you remove the punishment or not, I want to come close to you. So it's not השיבנו Hashiveinu on condition that's סלח לנו Slach Lanu. It's not if you forgive me and remove and eliminate the punishment, then I want to come close. I want to come close. I hope also that I'll earn favor and forgiveness, that you'll eliminate the punishment. But even if you don't, and even if I have to be held accountable, השיבנו אבינו Hashiveinu Avinu, I want to come close. השיבנו אבינו Hashiveinu Avinu. אלול, אני לדודי ודודי לי Elul, ani l'dodi v'dodi li, we're working on אבינו Avinu. You're my father. You're my parent. I miss you. I love you. That should be the theme and the atmosphere that we create during this during this time. פרק כ\"א פסוק י\"ז Perek Chaf Aleph, Pasuk Yud Zayin. כי את הבכור בן השנואה יכיר לתת לו פי שנים בכל אשר ימצא לו, כי הוא ראשית אונו, לו משפט הבכורה Ki es ha'bchor ben has'nuah yakir lases lo pi shnayim b'chol asher yimatzei lo, ki hu reishis ono, lo mishpat ha'bchora. Here the Torah tells us in the laws of inheritance, man has two wives, one he loves, one he hates. This is the precursor to the בן סורר ומורה ben sorer u'moreh. The הלכה halacha is that the eldest child gets פי שנים pi shnayim. Not the eldest child, I just said that inaccurately. The eldest son. If the eldest child is a בכור bchor, is a boy, then the boy gets פי שנים pi shnayim. Why? That seems terribly unfair. Because he has the good fortune of the birth order, he gets a double portion? What does that mean he gets a double portion? It means that if there are four children, you divide the estate in five, and he gets two-fifths, and the other three brothers get one-fifth. That's how you calculate. That's how you calibrate. But why? Why should he get פי שנים pi shnayim? כי את הבכור בן השנואה יכיר לתת לו פי שנים ki es ha'bchor ben has'nuah yakir lases lo pi shnayim. Why should he get פי שנים pi shnayim? אוצר פלאות התורה Otzar Plaos HaTorah, a book I love that has obscure, fascinating, interesting ideas on the פרשה parsha, very hard to find on דברים Dvarim. Very hard to find, but my buddy Mendy Fishman finds Farm that are hard to find, and I got a package in the mail last week he sent it to me, so thank you as always. He quotes there from the בעל הטורים Baal HaTurim who says an amazing רמז remez. רמז הפלא ופלא, בנין שבכור נוטל פי שנים Remez ha'pela v'fele binyan she'bchor noteil pi shnayim. The word בכור bechor, every letter of the word בכור bechor is a double letter. בית Beis is two, two times one. כף Chaf is 20, two times ten. ריש Reish is 200. Two, 20, 200. Implicit, embedded in the word בכור bechor is the notion of double. Double. The notion of double. Ah, you'll say, but we spell בכור bechor with a ו vav. ו vav is six. How is that double? Two, 20, 200, I'm in. You lose me at the ו vav. How do you spell ו vav? If you were to spell out the word, the name ו vav, how do you spell it? ו ו vav vav. ו ו vav vav is two ו's vavs, that's כפולה kfula, it's double. Double ו vav is double. So בית beis is double, and כף chaf is double, ריש reish is double, and ו vav is spelled ו ו vav vav, which is double. And they say in the name of the גרא Gra who says in the name of the ספרי Sifrei, מנין שבכור נוטל פי שנים? כשמו כן הוא Minayin she'bchor noteil pi shnayim? k'shmo kein hu. The ספרי Sifrei very enigmatically simply says, how do you know the elder son gets a double portion? כשמו כן הוא k'shmo kein hu. As his name, so is he. What does that mean? That's how you understand the גרא Gra, that the אותיות שבבכור כפולות osiyos sheb'bchor kfulos, and that's how you can understand the גרא's Gra's interpretation of the ספרי Sifrei, his name. Why does he get a double portion? It's not biased, it's not discriminating against the other siblings. In that society, at that time, it was structured in such a way that the בכור bchor bore the responsibility of taking the place of the parent, of the father. If the father created a dowry for the daughters, supported them until they were married, guided the sons until they were taught a livelihood, taught them how to swim, bless you. So the בכור bchor took on the responsibility of the father. How? What enabled him to do so? How did he have the resources to do so? He inherited a double portion, not because he was privileged. He didn't use that double portion on a yacht or a private plane. He didn't use that double portion to upgrade himself while the rest of his siblings sat in the back in coach. It meant he had a double portion because he had a greater responsibility for the younger siblings. Today, society is not structured the same way. Often it is, but not necessarily. So today, Poskim have actually said, I have Poskim have told me directly, that when a person is doing their estate planning, they should specifically not structure it, even though the Torah says boys inherit, girls don't, the oldest son gets a double portion more than the other sons. Why? It will create animosity. You do not want your children fighting when you're gone. You want them feeling a great sense of unity, which is why a person should do estate planning. Someone recently asked me who lost a loved one very abruptly, their father, and the father did not have a will. Father did not do estate planning. And he has an older brother, and the older brother says, he didn't do any estate planning, he didn't leave a will. I guess we go back to the הלכה halacha from the Torah. I get a double portion. כשמו כן הוא K'shmo kein hu, בכור bechor, double portion. So one of the younger brothers asked me, is that true, is that accurate הלכתית halachically? If there was no plan, do we do we revert back to the way the Torah says? Should he get the, does he get the double portion? So today it's interesting though, and we have הלכתית halachically creative ways to avoid. We're not violating the Torah's prescription. If you're more interested in this subject, you can find online for the afternoon Kollel. We did like six or eight shiurim on the Torah laws of ירושה yerusha. How do we make sure that daughters get an even portion to sons, even though from the Torah daughters don't technically inherit? Their husbands should provide for them and the sons have to provide for their wives. Again, nothing is discriminating, it was a society that was structured economically very differently. But now that we are different, how do we ensure equity to avoid fights? So there are הלכתית halachic legal loopholes that we use, but I thought it was interesting that the word בכור bechor, כשמו כן הוא k'shmo kein hu, has that notion of double embedded in it. פרק כ\"ב פסוק א' Perek Chaf Beis, Pasuk Aleph. Turn the page. Now we have פרשת כי תצא Parshas Ki Seitzei has a long litany of what seems to be various and diverse הלכות halachos, and one of our challenges is to find the commonality. What is the thread that binds all of these diverse הלכות halachos throughout? פרק כ\"ב פסוק א' Perek Chaf Beis, Pasuk Aleph. לא תראה את שור אחיך או את שהו נדחים והתעלמת מהם, השב תשיבם לאחיך Lo sireh es shor achicha o es se'o nidachim v'hisalamta meihem, hasheiv teshiveim l'achicha. Don't see the ox of your brother or sheep or his goat cast off. You can't find an animal, your friend lost their animal, their animal veered off the path, and you are going to והתעלמת מהם v'hisalamta meihem? You're going to cover your eyes, you're going to look away, you're going to pretend you don't see it? You see that all the time. There's a spill. There's garbage on the floor. So people, you know, walk sideways, they look the other way, they pretend they don't see it. Nobody wants to have to go to the trouble of inconveniencing themselves. Torah says, inconvenience yourself. השב תשיבם לאחיך Hasheiv teshiveim l'achicha. This is the Torah source for the mitzvah of השבת אבידה hashavas aveida. השבת אבידה Hashavas aveida. I've said many times and I really believe the beauty of our sacred Torah and a Torah society, a society guided and informed and inspired by Torah values. What does it mean to be a good American? What's a good American? You vote, you didn't murder, you didn't kill, you didn't steal, you didn't rape, you didn't pillage, you don't discriminate, pay your taxes. You're a good American. You're a good American. Are you actually good? You're not good, you're just not bad. Really? We should put you on a pedestal because you didn't murder, rape, pillage, riot. That makes you good? Our standard, our bar is very low. Not American, any secular society. You're European, every country, to be a good citizen is just to not do bad. Torah comes along and says, no, no, no, no, no. We're trying to create a godly society. And a godly society, our bar is not just don't be bad. Our standard is be good. Be good. לא תעמוד על דם רעך Lo sa'amod al dam re'echa. You can't stand idly by while your brother's blood is threatened, is being spilled, you got to intervene, intercede, you got to do whatever you can. That's true not only for your brother or sister's blood, it's true for their objects. The Gemara gives an example. You see there's a flood and it washes away your neighbor's property, and you can grab it before it disappears, you got to grab it. Your neighbor, you could bring in their furniture because God forbid, בלי עין הרע bli ayin hara, a hurricane's coming, you bring in their furniture. לא תעמוד על דם רעך Lo sa'amod al dam re'echa means not only their being, but it means their property. So similarly here, השב תשיבם Hasheiv teshiveim, השבת אבידה hashavas aveida. Yeah, it's inconvenient. You found that lost object, not even suggesting you want to take it for yourself. You want to pretend you didn't see it. והתעלמת מהם v'hisalamta meihem. You can't pretend you didn't see it. You have to return it. The אור החיים הקדוש Ohr HaChaim HaKadosh has a beautiful insight on this. The אור החיים הקדוש Ohr HaChaim HaKadosh says, if that's true for their object, and we're not going to take the time because we've quoted this previously, you can look at the אור החיים Ohr HaChaim inside. He actually analyzes each word, שור, שה, נדחים, אחיך, התעלמת shor, seh, nidachim, achicha, hisalamta. He says it's true for objects, you know what's true for all the more? If your friend, your neighbor, lost something, you got to give it back. What if your... neighbor is the lost object. What if your neighbor is a lost soul? And you could return that neighbor to אחיך achicha. God is אחיך achicha, God is our brother, and he lost נדחים nidachim. נדח, נדח nidach, nedach means a lost wandering. There are lost souls.We live in a county, Palm Beach County has a quarter of a million Jews. Boca has 130,000 Jews, 92% of which are unaffiliated. And do you know what it means to be affiliated? If you work out at the JCC and you never step foot in the synagogue, for the purpose of that demographic study, you're affiliated. And despite that low definition, 92% unaffiliated rate. Every time you shop at a supermarket, you're running into a lost soul who bagels you. So, והתעלמת vehitalamta. I'm guilty as well. You're on the line at Costco and someone behind you goes, אוי ווי oy vey. You know? When is, this happens this time of year, by the way. You'll be on someone will say, let's see you, say, when is ראש השנה Rosh Hashanah again? Or on a Monday, good שבת Shabbos. It's a Monday. They want you to know you're Jewish. That's what bageling means. They want you to know they're Jewish. They're screaming out, I'm lost. Help me come back to my owner. Help me back to אחיך achicha, to your brother. So, והתעלמת vehitalamta, you're gonna bury your head? You're going to ignore? You're going to pretend you didn't hear that? Are you gonna invite them for a שבת Shabbos meal? You're gonna tell them about Rabbi Brody's explanatory service? Are you going to do what you can to bring them back? The אור החיים הקדוש Ohr HaChaim Hakadosh says if you have to return property to its owner, then imagine the obligation, the responsibility, the opportunity that we have to return or help. We can't take responsibility, but to do what we can to help return people, lost souls. It's the language we use in the vernacular. We describe someone, people describe themselves as, I am a lost soul. People are lost souls. We have to bring them back.But I want to quote a מגיד יוסף Maggid Yosef, רבי יוסף סורוצקין Reb Yosef Sorotzkin. מגיד יוסף Maggid Yosef says the following. חז\"ל Chazal tells us, the גמרא Gemara in קידושין דף ב' Kiddushin daf beis, חיפוש האיש אחר בת זוגו chipus ha'ish achar bas zugo. The הלכה halacha is based on the assumption, sociological assumption, that the man pursues the woman. I know we're living in new times, bizarre times, unfamiliar times. I'm not sure what you're allowed to say, what you can't say, and my פרשה parsha class will get canceled. Whatever, you'll still come. But the גמרא Gemara says that built into the psyche is that the man pursues and the woman is the pursued. The man chases and the woman is the one who's chased. The man is the hunter and she is the hunted. Not the hunt comparison, but in the very psyche of a person. נמשל לחיפושו של בעל אבידה אחר אבידתו Nimshal l'chipuso shel baal aveida achar aveidaso. And the גמרא Gemara there says, what's it like? Like a person who's lost something and they're searching, they're longing for it. At birth, even before birth, ארבעים יום קודם יצירת הולד arbaim yom kodem yetziras havlad, 40 days before we were even conceived, a heavenly voice went out and already proclaimed, so-and-so will marry so-and-so. Why is it so tough to find it then? Why do we have so many שידוכים shidduchim initiatives and crisis and challenges? That's of our own doing. I think we've added layers that make it more complicated. If we'd peel back and remove the layers, we can go back to letting השם Hashem do his job. But that's my editorial comment aside. But the גמרא Gemara says, what is courtship and pursuit, what is it likened to? Someone who's lost something and now they're searching for it. Now they're searching for it. והנה, לאחר שהאיש מוצא את בת זוגו ומכניסה לחופה, מאחלין לו V'hinei, le'achar she'ha'ish motzei es bas zugo umachnisa l'chuppah, me'achalin lo, what do we sing? Someone gets married. What's the song? סימן טוב ומזל טוב, סימן טוב ומזל טוב Siman tov u'mazal tov, siman tov u'mazal tov. סימן טוב ומזל טוב Siman tov u'mazal tov. Why do we greet and wish people at a שמחה simcha, particularly in an אוּפרוּף aufruf, a wedding, a שבע ברכות sheva brachos, a לחיים lechaim, a ווארט vort? Why is the greeting, the expression, סימן טוב ומזל טוב Siman tov u'mazal tov? וברכה המשתרשת מטרס כתובות ושטר תנאים U'vracha hamushtreshes m'teres kesubos v'shtar t'naim. If you look on top of a תנאים t'naim, the document, סימן טוב ומזל טוב siman tov u'mazal tov. מנקתובות Mineksubos, סימן טוב ומזל טוב siman tov u'mazal tov. Many wedding invitations, סימן טוב ומזל טוב siman tov u'mazal tov. What's with the סימן טוב ומזל טוב siman tov u'mazal tov? חלק הראשון, מזל טוב, מובן פשוטו כמשמעו Chelka rishon, mazal tov, muvan p'shuto k'mashmao. I understand מזל טוב mazal tov. מזל טוב Mazal tov. What is מזל mazal? Mazal. We're wishing this young couple מזל טוב mazal tov. You're beginning a new life, you're building a new home. We wish you good מזל mazal. May you have good מזל mazal. In this marriage, in this courtship, in this new family, in this new home, מזל טוב mazal tov. May you have good, favorable מזל mazal. סימן טוב Siman tov? What is a סימן siman? מזל יאיר פנים לזוג חדש, חלק השני סימן טוב, משום לא לבן ותום ביר Mazal ya'ir panim l'zug chadash. Chelek ha'sheini siman tov, mishum lo lavan v'tom b'ir. What does it mean סימן טוב siman tov? So listen to this insight of the מגיד יוסף Maggid Yosef. On the סוגיא של השבת אבידה sugya shel hashavas aveida, in the פרק אלו מציאות בבא מציעא perek Eilu Metziyos Bava Metzia, מצאנו סוגים שונים של סימנים matzanu sugim shonim shel simanim. The הלכה halacha is, if an object is lost and has a סימן siman, a defining characteristic, a feature, something that the owner would know and could identify, then you're obligated to return it, to announce it. You can't simply keep it. And there are גמרא Gemara there in אלו מציאות Eilu Metziyos lists, delineates different types of סימנים simanim, different types of signs. סימן מובהק, סימן שאינו מובהק. סימן דאורייתא, סימן דרבנן. Siman muvhak, siman she'eino muvhak. Siman d'oraysa, siman d'rabanan. Not all סימנים simanim are created equal. Somebody dropped a hundred-dollar bill. So, should they have memorized the serial number on the bill? Is the expectation they only get it back if they could tell us the serial number? What if there's a little טשאָלענט cholent on the end of the bill because they were counting their money as they ate the leftovers on Sunday night? And now they're the only one who knows, check out that Benjamin. There's a little שטיקל shtickel Benjamin's eating a little טשאָלענט cholent. So is that a good סימן siman? So there's different types of סימנים simanim. Not all סימנים simanim are equal. פירש הדברים, שקיימת דרגה שונה של ודאות וברורות, שהכי נושא הסימן הוא בעל האבידה. Peirush hadvarim, she'kayemes darga shona shel vada'us u'brirus, she'hachi nosei hasiman hu ba'al ha'aveida. So how do we know if this really belongs to you? How well acquainted are you with it? How closely do you know it? How easily can you, can you recognize it? והנה כבר כתבנו ששדוך נמשל לאבידה. ובנין שידוכים חוסר ודאות גורם לאיגון נפש, והרבה חסונים וכלות מיסרים בספקות. לכן אנו מברכים את החתן והכלה, סימן טוב. V'hinei kvar kasavnu she'shidduch nimshal l'aveida. U'v'inyan shidduchim choser vada'us gorem l'igun nefesh, v'harbeh chasanim v'kallos m'yasarim b'sfekos. Lachen anu mevorchim es hachasan v'hakallah, siman tov. So one סימן siman is, I lost a hundred-dollar bill. I don't remember the serial number, I don't remember if it was folded or wrinkled, I don't remember if it was ironed and flat. I don't remember much about it. I think I remember the corner was turned down. I don't have much of a תביעות עין tvias ayin, I don't remember much of a סימן siman. I'm not positive it's mine. That's one low level. Then there's a סימן siman that says, I know that object, that that's mine. I know it exactly, I know what's on it, I could describe it. I am certain, I have 100% confidence. Not all סימנים simanim are equal, and therefore not all השבת אבידה hashavas aveida is equal. And that's why, since a שדוך shidduch is likened in the גמרא Gemara to השבת אבידה hashavas aveida, the חתן chassan, the boy, in the pursuit of this courtship, should feel, I've lost something, because it was already proclaimed from heaven we're meant to be together. It's not that I need to find someone and convince them to marry me. I have a בשרת bashert, there's someone out for me. We were once, our souls were once bound together in heaven, we're two halves of a whole, but we were separated at birth and now I'm looking for my other half. I'm looking to be completed. How will I know? How do I know if that's my other half? The סימן siman. So we wish you סימן טוב siman tov. May it be a סימן siman that you feel confidence and surety, that you absolutely are convinced it's yours. May you have no doubt on the סימן siman. May it not be equivocal on the סימן siman. May you not be filled with any, may you feel 100% confident in the סימן siman. שיהיה סימן מובהק דאורייתא, שאינו מותר מכל ספק ופקפוק. החתן והכלה נוהגים לראות בזו לזו, הוא לאחר, היינו בעל אבידה זו. She'yiheyeh siman muvhak d'oraysa, she'eino mutar m'kol safek v'pikpuk. Hachassan v'hakallah nohegim lirot b'zo l'zo, hu l'achar, heinu ba'al aveida zu. That when they stand under the חופה chuppah they should do so with an attitude, that, סימן טוב ומזל טוב siman tov u'mazal tov. I have a סימן siman, this is my בשרת bashert. This is my one. I know it. Parenthetically we also say to a חתן chassan, what's one of the שבע ברכות sheva brachos? We wish them the ברכה bracha כגן עדן מקדם k'Gan Eden mi'kedem. May your love reign, may it be as beautiful as גן עדן מקדם Gan Eden mi'kedem. Who got married in גן עדן Gan Eden? אדם וחווה Adam v'Chava. Why do we wish the marriage be as great as אדם וחווה Adam v'Chava in גן עדן Gan Eden? ר' ינקל גלינסקי Reb Yankel Galinsky says, because they didn't have parents or in-laws, there was no one to interfere. We wish you a ברכה bracha. Should have a beautiful marriage, nobody to interfere. That's what he says. But the ברכה bracha I say when I when I say this, שבע ברכה sheva bracha, גן עדן מקדם Gan Eden mi'kedem means, let me ask you a question. אדם Adam. So today a boy gets, I had a phone call last night with a person who runs a שדוך shidduch program. We're working on expanding. We have a great idea for a שדוך shidduch initiative. She said that boys get on average 45 resumes a week. A week. 45 resumes, ridiculous word, ridiculous process. Voist. Girls, if they get once every a few months, they're grateful to get one. So אדם Adam. Did אדם Adam get 45 resumes a day? Did he have שדכנים shadchanim calling him off the hook? Did he have to choose which profile, which resume? Did he look at the pic? Did he nix the pic? Did he... No. חווה Chava. Did חווה Chava sit there waiting by the phone? Maybe there'll be a boy, maybe someone will think of me. Maybe I'll get a date. I can't say no, if I say no, they'll never think of me again, even though I know he's not שייך shayach. Were אדם וחווה Adam v'Chava plagued by the שדוך shidduch process? אדם Adam knew there was one girl, literally in the entire world. חווה Chava knew there was one boy, literally in the entire world. They didn't doubt, they didn't hesitate. They didn't do reference checks and reference phone calls, DNA samples, pharmacy investigations. אדם Adam knew חווה Chava was it. חווה Chava knew אדם Adam was it. We stand there and we give a ברכה bracha, כגן עדן מקדם k'Gan Eden mi'kedem. חתן וכלה Chassan v'kallah, may your love feel that you know this is it. סימן טוב ומזל טוב Siman tov u'mazal tov. May you feel a סימן siman, this is it. 100% confidence, no doubt, certainty. By the way, if you don't rush through it, you could feel that a little bit more. When you have to feel pressure cooker, you got to get engaged by a certain date. So how could you have a סימן siman? You could barely remember the name, you don't know how to spell the name. How do you have a סימן siman that this is your בשרת bashert, if you don't even know much about them? You need to grow to learn the סימן siman so you could have a סימן טוב siman tov, and then it could be a מזל טוב mazal tov. Anyway, I don't know why we're talking all about marriage today, but if you have to speak at someone's שבע ברכות sheva brachos, we've given you some good stuff. Okay. השיב תשיבם Hashev tishivem. So, השיב תשיבם hashev tishivem, השבת אבידה hashavas aveida, said the אור החיים Ohr HaChaim, השבת אבידה hashavas aveida, if you have to return an object, all the more so return a soul that's lost. Says the מגיד יוסף Maggid Yosef, השבת אבידה hashavas aveida is the attitude we have when it comes to שידוכים shidduchim. And that's why we say סימן טוב siman tov. If you say this ווארט vort at a שבע ברכות sheva brachos, at a ווארט vort, at an אוּפרוּף aufruf, nobody knows why we say סימן טוב siman tov. You you're gonna be you're gonna get oohs and ahs. Not because of me, because of the מגיד יוסף Maggid Yosef, רבי יוסף סורוצקין Reb Yosef Sorotzkin. Okay, ווייטער veiter. You don't seem nearly as impressed or as excited as I am. You don't deserve to say it. You don't deserve the oohs and ahs. I hear by take it back. כב ד Kaf Beis Daled. לא תראה את חמור אחיך או שורו נופלים בדרך והתעלמת מהם. הקם תקים עמו. Lo sireh es chamor achicha o shoro noflim baderech vehisalamta mehem. Hakem takem imo. You cannot see the ox of the donkey of your brother or his ox falling on the road and hide yourself. You have to help him up. Same thing. Same thing. Tell an incredible story that happened last week. A young man from our community was riding his bicycle across to TTB, Yeshiva across from Palmetto Park Road. He was riding his bicycle as he does every morning going to school, and a deranged man who had recently been released from prison attacked him on his bicycle. Started attacking him, punching him, and a stranger stopped his car, pulled over, pulled the man off of him until the police came. The police had to tase the man. That's how deranged he was. And put him in and put him in prison. And thank God this young man physically is okay, but you can imagine, he's traumatized by that incident. הקם תקים עמו Hakem takem imo. What a hero. I don't know who that man is. We we should find his identity and honor him at a קידוש kiddush at the שול shul. I don't know if he was Jewish, non-Jewish, saw the boy's ירמולקה yarmulke. So I have a very simple question for you. Would you pull over? Would you pull over and jump in harm's way and pull a deranged man off a child? I'll ask you a much simpler question. You're driving on the road, this one happens all the time. Someone's got a flat, someone has a dead battery. Do you look the other way because you don't want to see because you don't want to live with the guilt? הקם תקים עמו Hakem takem imo. Torah says, you can't be והתעלמת מהם v'hisalamta mehem. Again, Judaism doesn't believe in a society where you're good because you didn't run over somebody. You're good when you didn't close your eyes to someone who needs you. הקם תקים עמו Hakem takem imo. You have to help him. You have to help somebody. That's the world that we live in. It's the world that we live in. For the most part, we do beautifully. There's the story, it's a true story, about a non-Jew who kept a ירמולקה yarmulke in his glove compartment, lived in New York. And his friend asked him, you're not Jewish, why do you have a ירמולקה yarmulke in your glove compartment? And he said, because if I ever get a flat tire or a battery, I know that if I put that on, someone's gonna stop and help me. I know that. So he keeps it. That was before חברים Chaverim and הצלה Hatzalah and all that other we've now formalized it with phone numbers and key chains and walkie talkies, but even before that, hopefully, the way the world thought of us was that a ייד Yid gets a flat tire, a stranger, another Jew sees that, הקם תקים עמו Hakem takem imo. Now the פסוק pasuk says, you can't look away, you have to help. הקם תקים עמו Hakem takem imo. What's the most important word? עמו Imo. The כלי יקר Kli Yakar talks all about this in הלכות צדקה Hilchos Tzedaka. I think we talked about it last year so I won't repeat it, with him. If he's sitting in a recliner next to his broken-down car, sipping a piña colada, and he wants you to come and bend down and jack up the car and change the tire while he sips the piña colada and checks Instagram, then you're not obligated to stop and help him. הקם תקים עמו Hakem takem imo. The כלי יקר Kli Yakar says the same is true with צדקה tzedaka. The guy who sits back and says, you know, everyone send צדקה tzedaka. I started a GoFundMe. I started a GoFundMe. Everybody transfer your money into my account. I'm gonna sit back and sip a piña colada. Even when it comes to צדקה tzedaka, you help a person who's trying to help themselves. If someone's not trying to help themselves, then we're not obligated to try to help them. We help those who try to help themselves. I want to share with you an insight from the קאצקער Kotsker, from a brand new book that came out from my dear friend, Rabbi Moshe Shocket. Our own Rabbi Shocket here at BRS, had a school of Hadar High School for Girls. Brand new. This is hot off the press. Ouch. Rabbi Moshe Shocket. It's a brand new book, Timeless Torah, Inspiring Messages from the פרשה Parsha, short, very short, beautiful timeless messages. You could buy it on Amazon. I don't get a piece of it, but you could get it on Amazon. Beautiful new ספר sefer, Timeless Torah. You know how I know it's good? I know it's good because there's a beautiful הסכמה haskama in the beginning from the Rabbi of Boca Raton Synagogue. Anyway, it's a great ספר sefer, Timeless Torah. And you'll get different beautiful ווארטלאך vortlach to say on the פרשה parsha every week. You can get it on Amazon. שכויח Shkoyach, and סימן טוב ומזל טוב siman tov u'mazal tov to Rabbi Shocket. So he says on this פסוק pasuk. רש\"י Rashi says on the words עמו imo with him. If the owner of the fallen animal stands idly by and tells the person who comes to help him should lift the animal up by himself, 'tis מצוה mitzva, a person is not obligated. A person who wants to help is only required to help if the owner is עמו imo, with him. The owner has to do some of the work as well. The קאצקער רבה Kotsker Rebbe in אוהל תורה Ohel Torah points out that the same way a person doesn't have to help if the owner himself isn't helping, similarly, השם Hashem only helps those who help themselves. עמו Imo. The גמרא Gemara in שבת קד Shabbos Kuf Daled teaches, הבא לטהר מסייעין אותו ha'ba l'taher mesayin oso. Once a person begins making an effort and changing themselves, then and only then will השם Hashem step in. You sit back and you say, \"השם Hashem, I want to wake up tomorrow morning thin. השם Hashem, I want to wake up tomorrow morning and download ש\"ס Shas in my head. השם Hashem, I want to wake up tomorrow morning and make me never get angry, make me not feel jealous or envious.\" Doesn't work that way. We don't have wishes and dreams. We make resolutions to change. So only הבא לטהר ha'ba l'taher, make the effort. We have a resolution, we have a plan, we take that first step, he meets us halfway, more than halfway, and he helps us. It's easy for us to make excuses why we can't change. As the קאצקער רבה Kotsker Rebbe teaches us, writes Rabbi Shocket, while השם Hashem will help us along the way, change must begin with us. There is no better time than אלול Elul to take ownership of who we are and who we want to be. Once we gain that clarity, השם Hashem will be there with us each step of the way. Short, beautiful, thoughtful, inspiring. Each of these insights. The קאצקער Kotsker says, הקם תקים עמו hakem takim imo. Just like we only have to help someone who's helping themselves, השם Hashem only helps us when we help ourselves. The Dalai Lama once bought a hot dog from a vendor in Manhattan, and he gave the vendor a five-dollar bill, and the vendor didn't get back any change. So the Dalai Lama asked him, \"What happened to my change?\" And the vendor said, \"Change begins within.\" You didn't even laugh. Nothing. Nothing. Anyway, change has to begin within. Change has to begin within. הקם תקים Hakem takem. I don't know why I bother. At least the people online don't disappoint me. I can't even see them. I don't know they're not laughing. I don't know they're not excited. Anyway. Got to bring the granola bars back. You guys need a little something. פרק כב פסוק ה. לא יהיה כלי גבר על אשה ולא ילבש גבר שמלת אשה כי תועבת השם אלוקיך כל עושה אלה. Perek Kaf Beis Pasuk Hey. Lo yihyeh kli gever al isha v'lo yilbash gever simlas isha ki to'avas Hashem Elokecha kol oseh eileh. Many would skip this פסוק pasuk today's time because again, it's politically incorrect, difficult, but I'm a very big believer that, and I think there's a vacuum of voices who are courageously, sensitively, respectfully, but accurately standing up to represent השם's Hashem's vision for this world. As the world around us is increasingly confused and chaotic and unfamiliar and unrecognizable, we need for ourselves and our children and our grandchildren to stop and say, this is what we believe. We respect, we love, we make space, we're sensitive, but this is what we believe. And we're not apologetic, and we're not defensive for it. We have to be able to read this פסוק pasuk without lowering our voice. לא יהיה כלי גבר על אשה ולא ילבש גבר שמלת אשה. Lo yihyeh kli gever al isha v'lo yilbash gever simlas isha. A woman can't wear man's clothing, a man can't wear a woman's clothing. כי תועבת השם אלוקיך כל עושה אלה. Ki to'avas Hashem Elokecha kol oseh eileh. Because that's repulsive to God. That's an abomination to השם Hashem. Now, there are many things that are an abomination to השם Hashem, and our פרשה parsha also we have dishonest weights and measures are an abomination. We can't selectively invoke abomination. Some people selectively and very hatefully invoke abomination. There are segments of the community who call certain people, they are the תועבות to'evos. That's horrific. It's terrible. We don't label people a תועבה to'eva. And we don't selectively invoke תועבה to'eva. You know what a תועבה to'eva is? If you cheat in business, you're a תועבה to'eva. If we want to call anyone a תועבה to'eva, it should be criminals. People who cheat who are dishonest on their taxes, who are indicted, supposedly religious Jews who are dishonest in business. That's a תועבה to'eva. We want to call anyone a תועבה to'eva, call them a תועבה to'eva. But we don't call anyone a תועבה to'eva. We call behavior a תועבה to'eva. So Torah says, if you blur the boundaries between male and female, masculine and feminine, השם Hashem says that's a תועבה to'eva to me. I set up the world in such a way. I designed the world that there's an equilibrium and a balance. The world needs masculinity and femininity. And when you blur that boundary and you erase that important difference, you, the world is imbalanced. It's a problem. You've corrupted the world. השם Hashem says, I need you to preserve it. I want you to preserve it. And if you don't, it's a תועבה to'eva to me. Not the people, but the behavior of not, of not maintaining that boundary. Of not maintaining that boundary. Today, we're living in a society that says if you believe in boundaries, you're the תועבה to'eva. If you think that certain dress or modes of behavior or public acts are inappropriate, society says you're the תועבה to'eva. But we should unapologetically and not defensively stand up and say, we believe in God's vision for this world. We'll defend it, we'll advocate for it, and we have no problem saying it, that we have masculinity and femininity. That doesn't mean that there aren't feminine men or masculine women. But on the whole, we know what those qualities are and we care about them. And the Torah doesn't see one as better than the other. And we don't offer apologetics to describe one as, they're equal, but different roles, and we need both. I used to when I would say this, I used to say that just like physically, it's undeniable that there are differences, so too spiritually, it's undeniable there are differences. I used to say, and people would nod their heads, yes, because that's obvious and easy to understand, that just like biologically and anatomically we have differences, so too spiritually we have differences in different roles. No matter how badly a man, this is when the women start to shake their head at me. So let's just pretend it's hypothetical. But no matter how badly a man says, I desperately want to know the experience of carrying a child within me. I desperately want to know the experience of nourishing a baby from my own body. So, but biology and science say, too bad. I'm sorry that you want that. I'm sorry that you wish you had it, but you were built differently. That's not your תפקיד tafkid, that's not your role, and it's undeniable because that's your body. I used to be able to say that and people would nod their heads and that was easy and obvious to understand. But the world around us is changing. Says רב נחמן Reb Nachman, התורה אוסרת על נשים ללבוש בגדי גברים, וגברים ללבוש בגדי נשים. ובכלל איסור זה גם מנהגים ושימוש בכלים מיוחדים לבני המין השני. Ha'Torah oseres al nashim lilbosh bigdei gvarim, v'gvarim lilbosh bigdei nashim. U'vichlal isur zeh gam minhagim v'shimush b'keilim me'yuchadim l'vnei ha'min ha'sheini. And it's not only true about clothing and dress that we have a difference and a distinction and that we maintain the two genders, which you have two genders in the human species, two genders in the animal kingdom, there's even two genders in plant life. There are two genders across everything. זכר ונקבה בראם Zachar u'nekeva baraam. The Almighty who created the world created זכר ונקבה zachar u'nekeva, masculine and feminine across all of creation. And we have an obligation to preserve it, to maintain it, to keep the balance of it, to enforce it, and to, and to promote it. But it's not only true for dress, it's true for behavior. It changes, this part is somewhat changes with society, but can a man color his hair? The גמרא Gemara asks, can a man look in the mirror? Looking in the mirror and caring about one's appearance was a feminine quality. Can men also look in the mirror? I'm very strict. I don't I don't make my hair up in the mirror. Very strict. פשוט של הלכה יש גם הדרכה רוחנית. Pshat shel ha'halacha yesh gam hadracha ruchanis. says רב נחמן Reb Nachman, this is not only a הלכה halachic concept, but there's a מטא-הלכה meta-halachic idea that comes from here. רב נחמן Reb Nachman writes in ליקוטי מוהר\"ן חלק א', סימן כ' Likkutei Moharan Chelek Aleph, Siman Kaf, צריך לדעת מתי להשתמש במידת הרחמים והרכות, ומתי לאחוז במידת העוז לנוהג בגבורה ובתקיפות. Tzarich lada'as masai l'hishtamesh b'midas harachamim v'harakos, u'masai le'echoz b'midas ha'oz lin'hog b'gvura u'b'tkifus. We know that masculine and feminine include not only anatomy and biology, but also, and we're speaking broadly, certain character traits. A woman, how do you say a womb in Hebrew? A רחם rechem. Why is a womb called a רחם rechem? Why is a womb, a uterus, called a רחם rechem? Because רחמים rachamim. There's a maternal instinct. There's a maternal compassion. There's the love of a mother, which goes beyond anything else. Are there terrible mothers? Yes. Are there incredibly loving and affectionate fathers? Yes. Is it right or wrong to say men are taller than women? It's an accurate statement men are taller than women. It doesn't mean that there aren't some women that are taller than most men, or men that are shorter than most women, but on the whole it's accurate to say men are taller than women. So it's also accurate to say that women are more compassionate, מידת הרחמים midas harachamim. They have and they bear within themselves, literally, a רחם rechem. And men are more מידת הדין midas ha'din, are more exacting, more strict justice. That Torah expresses this when it comes to the מצווה of כיבוד אב ואם kibbud av v'em. When it comes to honoring a father and mother, who comes first? כיבוד אב ואם Kibbud av v'em. When it comes to fear, awe, who comes first? Mother. Why? חז\"ל Chazal tell us because your mother who takes care of you when you're sick, makes you chicken soup and tucks you into bed and buys your favorite desserts and cares so much about you and forgives you and loves you and showers affection on you, you're going to tend to honor her, but you're not going to necessarily fear her. So the Torah has to say first the mother because you need to know that woman that you're so comfortable and casual with, who's so affectionate and doting and loving to you, you also have to have some healthy fear and awe of. Your father, who he's the one you're afraid to come home when you bring that bad report card. Your mother, but your father's the one that you fear. So you don't need to be told fear your father, but you know what, you may not want to honor your father because he's the one who wakes you up and schleps you to shul and holds you accountable for your report card and makes you earn your own money and pay your... the father, the Torah has to say, כיבוד אב kibbud av comes first, honor your father. So built into the Torah הלכות halachos is this difference between the genders. בשעת התפילה כשאדם עומד לפני השם, עליו להתפלל ברחמים ותחנונים, ולא לדרוש מהשם שיענה תפילתו בזכות מעשיו הטובים. לעומת זאת, בשעה שאדם הולך לצרכי ציבור, והמנהיג עוסקים בעסקנים למלא צורך, עליהם לנהוג במידת הגבורה. B'shas ha'tefillah k'she'adam omed lifnei Hashem, alav l'hispallel b'rachamim v'sachanunim, v'lo lidrosh me'Hashem she'ya'aneh tefilaso b'zchus ma'asav hatovim. L'umas zos, b'sha'ah she'adam holech l'tzorchei tzibur, v'hamanhig osekim b'askanim l'malei tzorech, aleihem lin'hog b'midas hagvurah. Sometimes we need to invoke גבורה gvura, might and strength and justice. Sometimes we need to invoke flexibility and compassion and רחמים rachamim. These are different qualities, male and female. And we need to know when to put on which wardrobe and which garb. You're not allowed to mix the two. There's an appropriate time for each. וכן כותב רב נתן, רב נחמן'ס תלמיד, רב נתן, כותב בליקוטי הלכות שהדבר רמוז בפסוק. ישנה הנהגה מיוחדת לגברים והנהגה מיוחדת לנשים. V'kacha kosve Reb Nosson, Reb Nachman's talmid, Reb Nosson, kosve b'Likkutei Halachos she'hadavar ramuz b'pasuk. Yeshna hanhaga me'yuchedes l'gvarim v'hanhaga me'yuchedes l'nashim. There are practices which are masculine and there are practices which are feminine, and we need to know when to invoke which. There are times that even the man needs to act feminine, the time the woman needs to act masculine, but we need to know which are masculine and which are feminine qualities. דאווענען Davening, for example. וזהו האיסור לא יהיה כלי גבר על אשה, שבזמן התפילה לא ינהג אדם כגיבור רב כוח, אלא כאשה רכה. ולא ילבש גבר שמלת אשה, שלא יעשו המנהיגים את עצמם רכים וחלשים. V'zehu ha'issur lo yihyeh kli gever al isha, she'b'zman ha'tefillah lo yinhag adam k'gibor rav koach, ela k'isha racha. V'lo yilbash gever simlas isha, she'lo ya'asu ha'manhigim es atzmam rakim v'chalashim. Times for each and we need to know when. סולובייצ'יק Soloveitchik, I believe, others explained the הלכה halacha. There's a הלכה halacha that a woman can't be a judge. A woman can't be a judge in a בית דין beis din. Only men can be דיינים dayanim, women can't. Why? Is it discriminate? We don't trust their judgment? They're not as smart? We're biased? No. There was an exception. דבורה Devorah, תוספות Tosafos already asks, how could she have been a שופטת shoftes, a judge? Why was she the exception? In what way was she an exception? But some explain, what do you have to do to be a judge? You have to shut off your compassion to a degree. Doesn't mean you're entirely a cold-hearted, uncompassionate person. But a judge is about knowing the law, adjudicating the law, and applying the law. It's not about two people present, two litigants, but I feel so bad for that one. They have so much less, they're suffering so much more, they have such more hardship. I I just want to side with them. So you say, what, a woman's not capable of shutting off her compassion? A woman's not capable of invoking the strict law? The answer is, of course she is. Of course she is. But we don't want her to. We don't want her to. There are different qualities, and we need them to follow those different qualities. According to the Torah, a man goes out to war, not a woman. Do we want a man having a רחם rechem on his way out to war? A soldier on the other side, the soldier who's holding a missile launcher and facing it into your country against your civilians. At that moment, do we want you having compassion? But I feel so bad, maybe the soldier had a rough, maybe the enemy had a rough childhood, maybe his mother wasn't nice to him, maybe he was deprived, maybe it was tough, he never wet the bed to sleep in. How can I, how can I do this? No, the soldier in that moment has to be able to shut off their compassion and follow through on the order of what they need to do. So in order, this is part of how we manifest these different qualities of the different genders for those different roles. One's not better or worse, it has nothing to do with discrimination or bias. It has to do with preserving those innate qualities because the world needs those roles. And that's what רב נחמן Reb Nachman is saying is this פסוק pasuk. This פסוק pasuk that we have to not apologize and not hide, not erase, not censor, not cancel. This is השם's Hashem's vision for this world. That we have separate dress, separate behavior, separate qualities. Again, doesn't mean there aren't exceptions to the rule, but on the whole, we need the equilibrium and balance between the two. What else can we sneak in here? Let's sneak in and drop more. Remember what עמלק Amalek did to you. The very end of the פרשה parsha is זכור את עמלק Zechor es Amalek. It's from סופר sofer holds, if a person didn't hear, didn't hear פרשת זכור Parshas Zachor before פורים Purim, you could listen carefully if it's a ליינען leinen. year it's complicated. It's 13 months later, you didn't hear זכור Zachor within the one 12 months. How you fulfill it? זכור את אשר עשה לך עמלק Zachor es asher asah l'cha Amalek. Remember what עמלק Amalek did to us. Why is the word לך l'cha? It should say זכור את אשר עשה עמלק Zachor es asher asah Amalek. Remember what עמלק Amalek did? Why does it say לך l'cha, to you? Why לך l'cha? ר' זבולון אפשטיין Reb Zevulun Epstein. ר' זבולון אפשטיין Reb Zevulun Epstein, his הערות ha'aros, משגיח דתורה אור Mashgiach of Torah Or, says you see that לך l'cha means each and every one of us. There is that voice inside each and every one of us of עמלק Amalek. What's the voice of עמלק Amalek? The Footner says עמלק Amalek is כח החילול koach ha'chilul. עמלק Amalek is אשר קרך בדרך asher karcha ba'derech, the פרשה parsha says. קרך מלשון קור Karcha mi'lashon kor. You were on fire. You were charged, you were inspired. You went to the התבודדות hisbodidus on the beach last week, and it changed your life. You found God. You found the capacity to have a conversation with השם Hashem. You discovered your ability to be with yourself and know yourself. You were on fire. And then the next day someone said, that's stupid. You went to the beach? That thing? Here's 100 reasons why it's dumb. They they doused your fire. They extinguished your fire. That was עמלק Amalek. We were on fire. We were invigorated, we were excited, we were enthused. And they splashed cold water on our fire. They put out our fire. כח החילול Koach ha'chilul. They're מחלל mechalel, profane everything that we believe is holy. So, says ר' זבולון אפשטיין Reb Zevulun Epstein, זכור את אשר עשה לך עמלק Zachor es asher asah l'cha Amalek. When we read this section on שבת Shabbos, we're not invoking history. We're not remembering something that happened in the past. It's לך l'cha. We all have that voice also, cynicism, sarcasm, that voice that says, don't take it too seriously. Put out the fire, because if we maintain that fire, what it will mean for our lives. So put out the fire. לך L'cha. The danger and the threat of עמלק Amalek looms for each and every one of us. And the answer, the antidote is to fight, to erase that impact and influence of עמלק Amalek and to persevere in this month of אלול Elul, to want to draw close to our Father, just like the יפת תואר Yefas Toar, to cry out, דע אלול da Elul, this is אלול Elul, to cry out and to want to come home. Continue tomorrow morning with מסילת ישרים Mesilas Yesharim, living with אמונה Emunah. Tomorrow night, big 100th episode of Behind the בימה Bima. We'll be joined by איתן כ\"ץ Eitan Katz. Tomorrow night, 100th episode. You don't want to miss it. You actually can email in or call in. You can email or call in your favorite moments. You can email behindthebima@gmail.com. Who was your favorite guest? What was your favorite moment? We're going to read or share it all on the 100th episode. Our listeners and our audience's favorite guests, favorite moments, favorite conversations, favorite episodes at behindthebima@gmail.com. Till next time. First of all, wake up. Second of all, stay happy.
