Transcript
Good morning and boker tov. Welcome back to Living with Emunah. Welcome back from Pesach. Wow. Wow and an applause for the welcome. Unbelievable. Our Emunah series is generously sponsored by Doctors Avi and Bella Morgan in memory of Rabbi Dr. Brian Galbut and in memory of Bella’s mother Dr. Ellen Schanzer. Deeply grateful to the Morgans for their sponsorship, for their support, for their friendship. We continue to be very, very grateful. Living with Emunah, we just finished the Chag HaEmunah, the Yom Tov of Emunah, the holiday of Emunah and of faith. I hope everybody felt themselves walking through the sea, didn’t get your feet wet, came out on the other side because this entire experience of Pesach and right now this count of Sefiras HaOmer, this journey that we’re on, this walk that we’re taking, is not commemorative of something that is thousands of years ago. We’re not doing something in order to celebrate or commemorate or mark ancient history, but we’re living it in the present, we’re living it in the here and now. We are going through it. Every year in this time we’ve spoken about the Jewish notion of time many times. It’s not linear, it’s cyclical, it’s a spiral. We’re advancing and moving forward but we are following that same pattern and we are encountering and engaging the same points of time that are pregnant with possibility and they’re filled with energy and themes and that we’re meant to extract and we’re meant to live and we’re meant to be transformed by. So that’s what this Sefiras HaOmer now is that we began the Chag HaEmunah. We had this burst of Emunah. The way the Sefarim understand it is that on Pesach this enormous light, this enormous burst, this enormous breakthrough, we were enlightened and we felt confident and we felt clarity that there’s Hashem and that just like He split the sea and just like He took our ancestors out of Egypt, so too He’s there in our lives interacting, intervening with just as much confidence and just as much clarity. But after that original burst of Emunah, after that breakthrough light, we come down. And now we’ve got to start from the beginning. And now we add that gut check, that reality check, that the reality is we were on the 49th level of Tumah. The reality was that we were absolutely marinated in the culture of Egypt and we carried the superstition and the silliness and the moral depravity and the corruption and now we’re on a 49 day journey, a 49 day march. We’re not counting down. Sefer HaChinuch famously asks, normally when you’re excited for something, you have a vacation you’re going away, you got a trip to Israel coming up, so you count down. The person with a prison sentence when they write on the wall in prison, they’re not counting up to when they will get out, they’re counting down. So normally you count down with great excitement, with great anticipation. Why are we counting up instead of counting down? Today is the 11th day of the Omer. I don’t know when you’re listening to this, if it’s still even the Omer, if you’re listening later online, but today here now live is the 11th day of the Omer. So why are we counting up? And the answer is because we’re not counting down towards a release. You know a vacation is I am obligated, I have work, I have boundaries and now I have freedom. We’re saying the opposite. We’re counting up because we’re elevating ourselves and we’re enriching ourselves and we’re transforming ourselves and we’re improving ourselves and we’re bettering ourselves. So every day a little advance, a little bit more, a little bit better, a little bit. We don’t go from day 1 to day 49 by the way. You don’t come out of Egypt and walk right up to the mountain. We don’t celebrate Shavuot the day after Pesach. It’s 49 days. The Jewish path of growth is not overnight and it’s not instant, which is a challenge. We live in the time of instant gratification. So you decide you have this epiphany, major epiphany. Everyone had it on Motzei Shabbos, which was, I’m never eating again. Major breakthrough, major epiphany, I’m never ever ever eating again. Right? You still feel so full and so full from the Matzah and from Pesach. I spoke on the last days of Pesach, my slogan was, don’t just feel the Matzah after Pesach, feel Pesach after Pesach. Don’t just have Matzah in your system after Pesach, have Pesach in your system after Pesach. Birchas Moadecha. That we walk out and we load up on and we carry with us the experience of Pesach, that we carry it out. So a person has that breakthrough, that first burst of, you know what, I’m transforming my life, I never have an interest in sugar or chocolate or carbs or gluten again, I wouldn’t put that in my system, it’s poison, it’s disgusting, I’m full, I’m going to just capture my life, I’m going to sleep right, I’m going to eat right, I’m going to exercise, it’s unbelievable. And then the next day comes and you’re really hungry and there’s nothing around except sugar and chocolate and carbs and gluten. And now the hard work begins. So Pesach is like that initial burst of never again and I’ve got it and I see the light and I’m enlightened and I have clarity and then you’ve got the hard work. Then comes the hard work. So we’re counting up. We’re counting up and we’re improving and we’re growing and so that’s what we’re doing this time of the year. wheat. And the only one, the only species who knows how to plant and harvest and grind and create bread from wheat is the human being. So we're going from our animal instinct, our animal impulse, the animal in us. That's how we came out of Egypt and we're counting up to become human beings. We're ready to become human beings. The animal in us has no self-control. The animal in us has no discipline. It's an amazing, amazing thing. The Mesilat Yesharim, the Ramchal, we just finished our weekly Mesilat Yesharim shiur. He says much earlier in the book than where we're at now. Mesilat Yesharim says something which every time I think about it is astounding. We think as human beings that we are far more sophisticated than animals, and we are. Animals have an animal soul and we are endowed not only with the animal soul, we of course have the godly soul, the human soul. We're much more sophisticated. We're smarter, we're brighter. The human being, the human brain compared to the animal brain, you can't begin to compare. And yet, and yet, the reality is, in many ways the animal's much smarter than we are. The animal engages something that harms the animal and it knows to avoid it next time. The animal recoils and distances itself and doesn't repeat it because the animal knows that was dangerous, that was harmful, that injured me, that hurt, that was unpleasant. So the animal knows to avoid it. And what does the human being do? Goes again. Goes again. The same food that made you sick last time and you swore you'd never go near it again, just until next time. Right? That same meal that we ate and overate and continued to eat once we were full and once you take that first box, bite of matzah, even the people who say I hate matzah, next thing you know you're four matzahs in by yourself, which is the equivalent of eating like three full challas. So and you swore I'll never do that again, I'm done. So the animal when it says that is done. And the human being says I'm done for now. I'm done until next time. And then we go right back to the same behavior or pattern. And it's true not only with substances and foods, it's true with behaviors. We fly off the handle, we get in a fight with our spouse or our children, we have such shame and such regret and it takes such effort to repair the relationship that we damaged and we say, you know what? That's never happening again. I'm never raising my voice ever again. I'm never getting angry ever again. I'll never allow myself to respond with rage ever again. Look at how much damage it caused. Look at how much it hurt other people. Look at how much effort it took to repair. You know what? I may get upset about things but I'll never do that again. And then what do we do? The exact same thing again. So we have this animal instinct, this animal impulse in us and what we're working these forty-nine days, what we're counting up towards, not counting down, but counting up towards is I want to break through and be a human being. I want to be a human being. I want to be a mensch. I want to be a mensch. That's it. We say in our davening every morning. We say in our davening every morning לעולם יהא אדם ירא שמים בסתר ובגלוי. Among the Birkhot Hashachar we say this paragraph. Leolam forever, yehe adam a person should always be לעולם יהא אדם ירא שמים should always be a yere shamayim beseter uvagalui in private and in public. There's a lot of really religious people in public. The question is those same people who are so religious in public are they equally religious in private? What does their browser history say about their religiosity? What do the tax returns say about their religiosity? What does the conversation in their bedroom say about their religiosity? What does, when no one's around and no one's watching, what does it say? You know, I'll give you the example, I don't know what the equivalent is for women, but there are some men when they get their aliyah in the Torah, so they say the bracha, the Birkat HaTorah, אשר בחר בנו מכל aloud and a shtickel kvetch and a big shokkel. You know we say the same Birkat HaTorah every morning as part of davening. So good, so when they're home saying Birkat HaTorah first thing in the morning and no one's around, is it the same shokkel and the same kvetch and the same passion? When no one sees and no one's watching and no one's recording and no one's observing? So that's what we say every morning לעולם יהא אדם ירא שמים. A person should always be a yere shamayim. That God-awareness, that emunah that Hashem is right on my shoulder. So I'm choosing what to listen to, what to say, what to watch, where to go, what time to wake up, what to eat, how much to concentrate when talking to Him. He's right here. לעולם יהא אדם ירא שמים. Always realize He's right here. He's right next to me. He's on the couch next to me. He's right there. He's at the dining room table. He's right there. He's always right there. Beseter uvagalui in private and in public. Why am I telling you this? Because the Baalei Mussar encourage us, read it a little bit differently. And you'll think about this now every morning when you say these words. לעולם יהא אדם ירא שמים. Baalei Mussar say stop, you read too much. Punctuate it earlier. Leolam yehe adam. Always be a mensch, be an adam. ירא שמים בסתר ובגלוי. Yeah, that's the next part. But the first part, the first... first instruction, the first mission when you wake up in the morning, Le-olam yehei adam. Be a mentsh, be an adam. Don't be a chaya raah. Don't be a vilde chaya. Don't be a beheima gassa. Don't be an animal. What's an animal? We use this in our vernacular. Your room's a pigsty. You're eating like an animal. You're eating like a pig. In our, in our language, when someone acts compulsively, impulsively, when somebody is acting instinctively rather than thoughtfully and mindfully and godly and disciplined, they're acting like an animal. The animal in us craves all kinds of things. The animal in us craves all kinds of things. Like the potato chips late at night. It craves all kinds of, the seventeenth matzah pizza in a row. The animal in us craves all kinds of things: looking at, saying at, eating, doing, sleeping. But the godly soul in us is supposed to be able to say, no. Animal, be quiet. That's not the best of who I am. The best of who I am is that godly soul. So, Le-olam yehei adam. Be a mentsh, be a mentsh, be a person, be in control. Exert and express the godliness, the discipline, the dignity inside ourselves. We have that capability and we have that capacity. It's not so simple and we have to be sensitive about it. There are compulsive behaviors, there are addictions that people struggle with. But I think so much of recovery is to empower the person to say that while there are these forces that lead to compulsive behavior, ultimately Le-olam yehei adam. You're a person, you have control. Submit to a higher power and realize that higher power has empowered you with the ability to be an adam, to be a mentsh, to have discipline, to have some self-control. Don't forfeit it. Don't forfeit it. I can't do, there's nothing I can do, it's not my fault, I can't help it. How often do you hear that? I can't help it. You can help it. Again, I don't say that insensitively. There are addictions and compulsive behaviors, they need therapy, they need recovery, they need a support system. I don't mean to minimize. But with that, we can help it. We can help it. How could Hashem create us to be drawn to things that and tell us you're not allowed to do it, but then design us in such a way that we can't help but doing it? That doesn't sound like a very fair God. Doesn't sound like a very just God to me, that God would design a world and design children, we're His children, and say, you're not allowed to do this, now I've designed you that you can't help but doing it, and then I'm going to hold you accountable for doing it. That's not the God I want to believe in. Doesn't seem very fair or just to me. So something's got to give. Either you don't believe that He said you can't do it, or you don't believe He holds you accountable for doing it, or, or you have to believe that we have the capability of being in control of it. Not easy, it's hard work. Life is hard work. It's called Avodas Hashem for a reason. Avodas Hashem. It's not called lounging with Hashem. It's not called leisurely with Hashem. It's not called relaxing with Hashem. Life is Avodas Hashem. Avoda means work. It's work. It's hard work. It's a lot of hard work. Okay, now we're ready to start the class. All this was just to say that we're in this time of the year that we're working on ourselves. We're working on emuna, we're working on simcha. We're still on the section about simcha. We're still learning about simcha. Ah, you'll say it's Sefiras HaOmer, how could you have simcha? Sefira, itchy, no music, no simchas, no, how could you have simcha? The answer is Sefiras HaOmer doesn't mean no simcha. It means we turn down the simcha. We lower the volume, we lower the level, but a Yid could never live without simcha. The moment the simcha in you is entirely extinguished, your life is extinguished, your soul is extinguished. The soul is joyful and the soul breathes the air that the soul breathes is simcha, is happiness. So there are times that we raise the level, the month of Adar. There are times that we lower the level, Sefira, the Three Weeks, the month of Av. A person's mourning or grieving, it's inappropriate, but even within the grief and the mourning there's simcha, even within the Sefira there's simcha. It is part of the very foundation, it's the very fabric, it's the definition of being a Yid, of being a Jew, of being a Jew. והעצה לזה היא, we're on the bottom of page kuf-nun-vav, 156. I don't know if that's where we are, that's where I am. That's where we're starting. Kuf-nun-vav. Ha-eitza la-ze, Rav Yitzchak Meir Morgenstern, Rav Itche Meir Morgenstern. העצה לזה היא לעשות תשובה and the eitza to this is to do teshuvah, ואז להיכנס חזק לאמונת היחוד. We're talking about where we last left off. ברוך אתה ה' אלוהינו מלך העולם שהכל נהיה בדברו. Amen. He's talking about the impediments and the obstacles to feeling simcha. If there's so much blessing in our lives, the very fact that we're awake and alive and our, and our faculties work, and we focus on what we have, not what's missing. So why don't we feel the simcha? Why don't we? Why don't we? The default should be to wake up every morning with a smile on our face. We should jump out of bed with joy. Why don't we? Why don't we? So the answer is because we feel something's missing. And many people think what's missing is our own success. There are people who beat themselves up. They're constantly in conversation with their alter ego. And their alter ego's not giving them a what a boy, a great job, what a girl, great job, job well done, be so proud, how accomplished, but the alter ego is saying you're nothing. If only other people knew just how much of a failure you are. We beat ourselves up and we focus on our inadequacies or our shortcomings or our failures. But that's very, very detrimental and it holds us back and it robs and depletes us of our simcha. And it's not positive. It's not that by doing that we're going to become better and beat ourselves up. All we normally do is knock ourselves down and hold ourselves back. So how do you overcome that instinct to beat yourself up? Who didn't beat themselves up Motzei Pesach when they got on the scale? Who doesn't beat themselves up after they speak that lashon hara or watch that thing or go to that place or sleep in and miss that shiur or that minyan? Who doesn't beat themselves up after they react to their spouse or their child in the very way they promised and swore they never would again? Who doesn't feel down and miserable and beat themselves up? So how do you overcome that? The answer is la'asos teshuvah. The answer is improve, grow, hold yourself accountable. Look at what happened and say how do I ensure it doesn't happen again? ואז להיכנס חזק לאמונת היחוד לזכור ולדעת ולהאמין בבהירות בכח התשובה ובגודל יחוד השם יתברך. The answer is to lean in and to work on remembering that everything that happens from Hashem is for a reason. And that even our own failures were so to say by design. That doesn't mean we pass the buck or blame God. It doesn't mean that we're not accountable and there aren't consequences for the choices we've made and for the mistakes we've made. But it means, and this is a complicated thought, granted this is complicated, conceding this is complicated, but it means that we realize that you know what? Hashem designed this world, He designed the way we work, and we shouldn't have regret. The regret should be that we made a mistake, we could have been better, we were capable of better, and we will be better. But once we made the mistake, that was part of who we are now. So to perseverate and beat yourself up and become debilitated by the mistake is not part of the process of teshuvah. That's not how you grow. That's in fact how you stay stagnant. The way you grow is to say, you know what? I'm going to understand why it happened. I'm going to ensure it doesn't happen again. But you know what? If it happened, it was meant to be and it's part of who I am now and I will give it meaning and purpose by becoming better from it as a result. דהיינו אחר שהאדם עשה תשובה הוא צריך להיכנס לביטול גמור. Once we do teshuvah, once we understand what triggered and what led to the mistake we made and once we commit to not repeat that mistake, so now we need to nullify ourselves to Hashem. Submit and surrender to Hashem. ולדעת שהשם יתברך כל כך גדול שיכול לתקן הכל. HaKadosh Baruch Hu is so great He can fix everything. ומתוך הרע יצמיח הטוב. And coming sprouting out of the bad will be good. So there's a bad and the bad may be our own fault. The bad may be a result of our own choice. But out of that bad something good will happen. So don't deny and don't regret the bad. I'll give you a minor example. Admittedly a very minor example. Don't feel bad for me. I can't tell you how often I finish speaking, not a shiur as much but usually a drasha, and then in the middle of Musaf beating myself up. Oh, I forgot to say this or I could have ended that way or if I would have used that word or this would have been a better close. I can't believe I left that out. And then I get so frustrated, so upset at myself and I think wow how much more impactful it might have been, how much more of a difference it would have made, what a better landing for that drasha if I would have said this. And each time that happens, giving you a little insight into the disturbed psyche of the darshan. So among many of the disturbed thoughts that happen during a drasha or after the drasha. But each time I try to remind myself right away and I say you know what? That was meant to be. If Hashem wanted you to remember to include it, you would have included it. You would have said it. And if you forgot it, if you didn't notice it on the piece of paper, if you didn't land the plane that way, that well, that was the way it was meant to be, that's what they were meant to hear. Move on. Let go. And it works. It works. Every time my instinct is to first be upset at myself and have such regret and then ruin my Musaf. So then I said to myself no, you were not, you were meant to leave that out. If you were meant to remember it, you would have remembered it. Okay, so next time use a highlighter over the words. Next time underline it on the piece of paper. Next time font size 20,000. Next time whatever, learn from it how to make sure you don't do it next time. But each time it happens, that was what was meant to be. This is a very nuanced point and it's a difficult point. How do you reconcile on the one hand, on the one hand we have initiative. On the one hand it's our responsibility. We have free will, we have free choice. On the one hand we have Bechira. On the other hand is Hashgacha Pratis, this is divine providence. So which is it? Is everything from Hashem or is it us? I told you when I went to see Rav Shalom Arush with Yocheved, the story with the gas. I didn't tell you the story? Or your memory is just as bad as mine. Either way I'll tell you the story again. So several summers ago, this now goes back many summers, I was on this big Emuna kick. I think that's what started this whole focus on Emuna. Living with Emuna is just my trying to live with more Emuna. So I read the Garden of Emuna is Rav Shalom Arush. And he's a Breslover who lives in Yerushalayim. So I said I read the book, I had some significant questions on the book, and I said let's go meet with him. So Yocheved and I went with our family went to go meet with him. And on the way to go I was on a big Emuna, everything is Hashem, it's what's meant to be, that could drive people around you crazy because it's just Hashem. So anyway our car that we had rented was running out of gas, like the light was on, we were well below the level, you know men have this really disturbing game they play which how far can you drive with the light on and below the level and not run out of gas because you're proving something to someone until it doesn't work. It's a really disturbing game. Anyway so I'm driving with no gas and Yocheved says you gotta get gas, we're gonna run out of gas. I said what do you mean? We gotta go see Rav Shalom Arush, we have a time we're supposed to be there, we're supposed to meet with him. She says you're gonna run out of gas. I said whatever Hashem wants is what's gonna happen. You know I was on this big Emuna kick, I read the book Emuna, Emuna, Emuna. So we go meet with him and I ask all my theological questions and philosophical questions and the Rambam Shitta on Emuna and you know we're having a whole discussion about it. Fascinating. Yocheved pipes up and she says if we ran out of gas and we're on the side of the road, what's the bottom line? Did Hashem make us run out of gas and we say oh it's Hashem, everything's from Hashem, everything's amazing, everything's כל מן דעביד רחמנא לטב עביד, everything Hashem does is for the best, or my moron husband kept driving when the light was on. She probably said it a little bit nicer than this, but this is how I heard it. But my moron husband, that's what she gets for not coming today. But my moron husband kept driving with the light on and the level below, so which is it? So he gave a very interesting answer which at the time I thought was a crazy answer but now I appreciate more. You know what he said? He said your husband was thinking like a moron. Who drives with no gas? But who is a moron who thinks that only if Hashem wanted you to have such a thought would you have such a thought. That was his answer. So meaning if you ran out of gas you'd say I'm the moron who drove with no gas that's why we ran out of gas. But this is what was meant to be because for whatever reason Hashem put that bizarre thought in my mind that let me do it. Now does that mean I should keep driving with no gas? No, have a normal thought. Have the normal thought and get gas. But if you had an abnormal thought and the result was you were on the side of the road with no gas, it's from Hashem, everything is from Hashem. That's what he answered at the time. I won't even tell you I fully appreciate it now but I have much more of an appreciation of what he was getting at now. But that's what Rav Itche Meir is trying to say as well. At some point there needs to be a sense of Bittul. Bittul Legamrei. To nullify, to submit, to surrender, to relinquish control and responsibility and to say Hashem I just submit this is your world. Not only external and extraneously everything that happens in it, but this is your world that even internally my thoughts and what happened that's also you. Am I not accountable? I'm accountable. If I have no gas it was my fault. But it's also what was meant to be and while those feel like a Stira, those feel like a contradiction, they're not necessarily. That was one of the other things he said to me. I kept pressing him. Which is it? If we believe in initiative, Hishtadlus, and we also believe in Hashgacha Pratis divine providence, how does that work? So he said to me is milk Kosher? Yes. Is meat Kosher? Yes. Are milk and meat mixed together Kosher? No. So he said human initiative that's Kosher. In other words, his answer was stop trying to think about it. Stop trying to make sense of that, focus on our responsibility as initiative. Hashem, we also believe it's all from him, and when you're going to try to mix them and reconcile them and make sense of them, you're going to get basar bechalav. You're going to have a mixture of meat and milk. Each kosher on their own but they become absolutely treif when you try to mix them together. So that's what Rebbe Shmaya's saying. At some point bittul, bittul, bittul legamrei. You gotta be mevattel, you gotta submit, you gotta surrender and you have to learn from it and not repeat it, but don't beat yourself over it. ומתוכה הרע יצמיח הטוב. From that bad will come the good. Or from the, put differently, the bitterness will come the sweet. That's Hillel. He mixed the marror and the matzah together. That's why the marror comes before the matzah, Rabban Gamliel. I know now we're after Pesach, but we spoke about that within Pesach, the whole experience of Pesach is, there are a million divrei torah like this, which I won't give you now, especially because we are now 11 months and 3 weeks before Pesach, which means some of you are starting to prepare and clean. Because Hashem puts that bizarre thought in your head. Yeah, but who's counting? But there are a million divrei torah and if you trace the Pesach seder what you see is it's not all about this binary experience where we went from slavery and bitter to freedom and sweet. What the whole seder is about is that there was a sweetness within the bitterness, freedom within the slavery. That the bad was the catalyst, the genesis for the blossoming and the sprouting of the good. And we're meant to see that and feel that and live that and believe that in our lives to be able to hopefully merit to interpret or see out of the bad what became the good even while still bad. Last time I told you about, I'm just looking up the name of the book because I think Penny sent it to me. I told you last time about a book of a rav from England who ran the Aish in London who had lost his wife young. Bad things don't happen to good people, painful things happen to good people. She sent me the name of the book and now I can't find it. Here it is. But I can't open it. I'll send around the name of the book. I'll send around the name of the book. So again, in that book he writes and when he spoke here he said he would give anything to have his wife back. Most painful thing he ever experienced losing his wife, the mother of his young children at a young age, however that doesn't exclude him from also identifying that in her loss he and his children realized strength and growth in themselves that they feel are such a blessing. There was a sweetness within the bitterness. They realized potential and possibility and strengths and resilience and skills that never would have come to the fore, they never would have become who they are had they not gone through that. Does that mean it was worth it? Would they do it again? Are they happy it happened? Of course not. Of course not. But we live in this world often that says if I'm sad and miserable, then I can't acknowledge anything good that came out of it. And if I acknowledge anything good that comes out of it, then I'm disrespecting and dishonoring and denying the grief and the pain and the sadness. Is that the Chicken Soup book? No, no, it's a different book. So but that's not true, it's not either-or. There can be both. That's what Hillel said. Hillel said stop just eating either the matzah or the marror, let's make a sandwich. Let's make a laffa, shawarma laffa. Because that's what it was, it was Sephardi matzah. It was a soft matzah with some lamb shawarma with some marror, some charif in it. And it was a laffa and it was a shawarma in a laffa. That was Hillel's sandwich in the Beis Hamikdash. But he said stop seeing them or eating them or thinking of them as separate. They blossom and they mix and they come out together. הכל בידיים של השם יתברך. Everything is in Hashem's hands. ורק הוא המנהל והשולט. He's in charge, he's in control. He's the administrator over it. הוא מנהיג ומוביל את העולם לטוב הגמור. He is the one who moves the world in the direction he wants it to go. He can do that through hurricanes and tsunamis and rain or the good weather we've baruch hashem beli ayin hara been continued to have. He can do that in the natural order and he can do that in our own thinking. By the way is this not also a lesson on, like harping I'm still stuck on Pesach, but is this not also a lesson of Pesach? What was the story of Pesach? How did it happen? Hashem hardened Paroh's heart. Is that not like saying keep driving when you have no gas? Sometimes Hashem hardens our hearts. We're still accountable, we're still responsible. Paroh was punished, Paroh was punished, but Hashem hardened his heart. Those are not contradictory. We're able to live with both simultaneously. He's the manhig. Stop trying to think you're driving the bus. You're not the pilot of the plane. Stop trying to grab the wheel. He's in charge of ממילא מה שהיה מה שיהיה, הכל הוא רק לטוב הגמור. Everything is for the best and for our best in that moment. Sometimes we understand it, sometimes we don't understand it, sometimes we will understand it, and sometimes we'll never understand it. But that is the assumption that we live our lives with. I've said it a million times, I'll say it a million more. Just like we ask our children, you may love or you may not love my interaction with you, however, know, know my sweet dear precious child that whatever I do is because I think it's for your best. So when I give you the afikomen present, when I shower you with gifts and when I love you with affection, that's because I love you. But also when I take away your technology and when I put you in time out and when I don't let you go to that party and I don't let you wear that outfit, that's also for your best. You don't have to love it and you don't have to even understand it, but I need you to know that whatever I do it's because I'm doing it for your best. That's what we ask our children as parents, and that's what we as children now see of our parents. And that's what Hashem says of us. It's rak letovah. It's all for the good. הכל מונח בידיים הכי טובות. Because it's all organized by the one with the best hands. The best hands. Chas veshalom somebody needs surgery. And because Jews only go to the best hospitals and get the best surgeons, they're in the best hands. So they're so nervous, the anesthesiologist comes to meet with them or the surgeon comes to meet with them. And you know what the nurse says or the other patient says or the other doctor says, what are you nervous about? You're in the best hands. You're in the best hospital. You're in the hands of the best doctor. You're in the hands of the best lawyer. You're in the hands of the best accountant. What are you nervous about? What are you all anxious about? What are you all flustered about? You're in the best hands. We use that in our own vernacular to describe the doctor or the lawyer, you're in the best hands. What are you worried about? What are you worried about? Sometimes when I'm with my children, you're playing or you're doing something with them, they say, "I'm scared, I'm scared". I say, "Would Abba ever let you get hurt?" Never, ever. Would Abba ever hurt you or let you get hurt? Never in a billion years. Hakadosh Baruch Hu says, "Would I ever let you get hurt?" That's what the Sfas Emes is saying, הכל מונח בידיים הכי טובות. We are in the best hands. You think the surgeon's got good hands? You think the lawyer's got good hands? Surgeon's... Ribono Shel Olam, Melech Malchei Hamelachim, the source of all existence. If only we can be mevatel ourselves to him. We think Hashem is the source of all existence. But even that is inaccurate. There is no existence. He's not the source of all existence. He is existence. There is no existence outside of him. He is everything. We're essentially a figment of his imagination. We are simply his matrix. Life is an illusion. We're operating on his matrix. We're in his hands. So sometimes what he chooses for us is painful. We're not denying that. We're not pretending it's not. However, we're also not going to lose our joy and our simcha and our happiness. We're not going to lose our capacity to see the good or find the good or feel the blessing because we realize that somehow it's all from him. ואף שאדם אחראי על מעשיו, and even though we're all responsible for our actions, we'll just finish this paragraph. ואם קילקל הוא צריך לתקן, and if you messed up you got to fix it. If you messed up, fix it. If you made a problem, create the solution. Mikol makom you're not going to spill and say, "Oh, this is what Hashem wanted, so I'm going to leave it". You got to clean it up. You make a mistake, you got to clean it up. מכל מקום אחר שאדם עשה תשובה והשם יתברך קיבל אותו אליו בחזרה. So you did teshuvah. Hakadosh Baruch Hu says, "Okay, you cleaned the spill. You fixed the dent. You replaced the vase. You did the best that you could. You learned from it, you fixed it to the best of your extent". אזי יתברך מכפר עוון מתקן הכל מהפך הכל לטובה. So now it's all going to be for the good. For whatever reason this was what was meant to be. ועוד יצא מזה טובה גמורה. And now a good is going to come from this. You don't know it. You may never know it in this world, in this life. But that's by definition. כך שאחר התשובה כראוי אין מה להצטער על זה. So sometimes you just got to let go. You have to let go. We hold on for so long and the longer we hold on, the heavier it becomes. And we have to learn how to let go. We have to learn how to let go. Not the grudge we hold against the other. That's hard enough to learn to let go. The hardest grudge to let go of often is the grudge we hold against ourselves. If only I would have said that in the drasha. If only I wouldn't have said that to my child or spouse. If only I wouldn't have invested in that, if only I would have invested in that. If only. And we just replay and replay and replay and think about it and think about it and think about it and imagine how differently we could have done it and how much we wish we had a time machine but we don't. But we don't. So that doesn't mean that we don't have to repair it. Gotta fix it. And it doesn't mean we don't learn from it. We improve ourselves based on it. But then we let go of it and realize it's all from Hashem. I told the story on Yom Tov I'm not going to repeat now about my daughter and the suitcase and everything that was in it. And someone in shul asked my son-in-law to tell me something when he saw me. So he said you got it? He said yeah I remember it. He said try to remember it better than you did the suitcase to my son-in-law. It was a good line. It was a good line. I liked that. Anyway it was a good line. So my daughter beat herself up how could they forget it? How's it possible they didn't have it? She was on her way to go fix it to go look for it but sometimes now that had a great story a great had a great ending which Baruch Hashem it's clear the good in that. You understand the good in that story right? Yes. You understand why Hashem made that happen? So I'd have a Pesach drasha. Exactly. All for me. All for me all for you. So that's why. Good story because I got a suitcase story too. Go ahead. What was the story? I'm going to save it. Maybe I'll write it up. Maybe I'll write it up because it's that good. Write it up. It's that good. I picked my daughter and her family came in from Israel I picked them up early in the airport in Miami we loaded the car we came home we unloaded the car kids were all accounted for the suitcases we thought were but her carry-on little suitcase that had her sheitel and a laptop and his tallis and tefillin and an envelope of cash was nowhere to be found. That's the story. That's the beginning of the story. I'm not going to tell you the end now. I'm not going to tell you the end now but Hashem made the whole thing happen so I would have a great drasha. So I would have a great drasha. But in any case but the whole time and let's say it didn't have a great end and let's say you lost the suitcase. So you'll say how could I be so stupid? How could I have left it? How could I have been so stupid? It had so many precious irreplaceable things in it. Should have been especially vigilant with it. How could I have made such a mistake? So you could spend the rest of your life wondering that and regretting that and beating yourself up over that and even feeling shame for that. Or you could say from now on I'm going to tie every suitcase to my wrist when I travel I'm going to label everything upside down I'm going to have learned from it but I let go of it. Because you know what so this is let me end with this because this is really the point that Rav Itamar is trying to make that I'm trying to make. This is really the entire point so let me express it and articulate it I hope well. Because this is the whole point. The whole point is how do you do that? Let's say you lost that suitcase you lost the sheitel the laptop the tallis and tefillin and all the cash. How do you not beat yourself up? How do you not? How do you let go? So the answer is very simple. Because you say to yourself this was the will of Hashem. If Hashem wanted me to have that suitcase I'd have it. And if I don't have it yes I learn from it and yes I'm accountable for it and yes I feel bad about it but I also simultaneously respect and recognize that this was Hashem's will. If he wanted me to have the suitcase I wouldn't have forgotten it. Plain and simple. And if I forgot it it's only because that was part of his plan that I forgot it. And that's how you find the strength to let go. So emunah again this life of emunah we've been talking about this now for how many years are we doing this class? Five years seven years ten years however many years we're doing it. However many years we've been saying over and over emunah's not Hashem's asking us to do something for him. Emunah's not hard it's not like fasting on Tisha B'Av. Emunah is you want to live a life of joy and peace and serenity and happiness of learning to let go so just just live with emunah. Just have that conversation in your own head. You forgot to say that in the drasha you're about to be upset at yourself? No stop. Hashem didn't want that said. Oh that's takka true. You know what good. Now I can let go. I'm moving on. A little harder with the suitcase if it hadn't been found but there are all kinds of things throughout our life that we have our entire life is a conversation with ourselves. Our entire life is a conversation with ourselves. Right so much of the day. There's much of the day that we're in conversation with others but even when we're in conversation with others we're in conversation with ourselves about what to say to others. The person that we spend the most time with the person that we have the most conversation with the person who knows the true us the best but that doesn't stop us from trying to fool them is ourselves. There's a whole realm of Jewish thought that we neglect. If you ask any sixth grader any second grader what are the relationships in our life they'll say bein adam l'makom bein adam l'chavero. Between man and man and between man and God. And that's true but there's a third and we don't ever talk about it. And that is bein adam l'atzmo between a person and themselves. You can't have healthy relationships bein adam... and bein adam lachavero and bein adam and bein adam lamakom if you don't have a healthy relationship bein adam le'atzmo. Maybe we'll do a series on that, because Maharal writes, we just start Pirkei Avot this week. The minhag is in the summer to do Pirkei Avot a perek every week. So the Maharal writes that Pirkei Avot, which is brought to you by the number three, three things the world is founded on, three things remove you from the world, three things, right, everything in Pirkei Avot is three. So the Maharal says, you know what all those three are? Bein adam lamakom, bein adam lachavero, bein adam le'atzmo. Now have fun. Go look at each mishnah of the three and figure out which is what, which is between us and God, which is between us and man, which is with us and ourselves. But you have to have a healthy relationship bein adam le'atzmo. If you're not true to yourself and honest with yourself and in conversation with yourself, transparent with yourself, trustworthy with yourself, forgiving of yourself, all these relationships that we need with others, if you don't have that with yourself, you can't have the healthy relationships with others as well, with others as well. So this is part of that conversation that we have with ourselves all the time is emunah. Hey, you know, the good ego is reminding the bad ego when you start to go to that bad place of arrogance or anger or envy, no, no, no, don't, we go to that emunah class. You give that emunah class. Don't forget, you were meant to not say that in the drasha. Don't forget, it was meant to be that that would happen. So stop getting upset, stop getting jealous, stop getting arrogant, you think you were, everything is from Hashem. Everything is from Hashem. That is the refrain that should be playing in the conversation with ourselves over and over and over and over and all the time, and you will see your life improve spiritually, emotionally, physically, in every which way. Nine o'clock tonight we're going behind the bimah, two incredible survivors, 97 years old, who were only reunited a couple weeks ago after 80 years of separation. Two of them will be speaking at our Yom HaShoah program at 7:00 PM and they are the interview at 9:00 PM for behind the bimah. So until next time, stay happy, stay healthy, and stay holy.
