Transcript
Good morning Boker Tov welcome back to Living with Emunah our weekly study our weekly support group our weekly reminder of what we already know our weekly effort to center ourselves and refocus on a truth that we all know but tragically so easily are able to forget and neglect in our lives that not only is there a Hashem not only is there a Ribono Shel Olam not only is there a God who created the world and created us but he continues to have an intimate relationship. Nothing that happens in our lives is coincidental random or chance. Everything is by design and everything is from above. I want to thank our generous sponsors of the Emunah series for the year Avi and Becky Bella Morgan in memory of Rabbi Doctor Brian Galbut and in memory of Bella’s mother Doctor Ellen Chanzer. Today's shiur is also sponsored by Joyce and David Miller. Where's Joyce? There you are. In commemoration of Joyce's mother's yahrtzeit Frieda Siegel Fruma bas Mordechai Joyce's father's yahrtzeit earlier this week Robert Siegel ליזר ראובן בן יצחק הלוי were pillars of the Miami Beach Jewish community. May the neshamas have an aliyah. Thank you. And by Netty Bellazon in memory of her mother ציפל בת חיים זאב Sophie Mander and by Penny and Bob Pearlman. Penny thank you so much in memory of Penny’s mother’s yahrtzeit Helen Meltzer נשמה שתהא לה עליה as well. And as well always we are not as always for now please God not for long we continue to dedicate our learning for refuah sheleimah for אסתר תהילה בת אריאל ציפורה and for כרמל שי בן ריזה. We've been learning about simcha. We've been learning about joy. How to have joy how to find joy משנכנס אדר מרבין בשמחה. How can we find joy in life? Now it's hard I won't say harder than ever because we just spoke in the shiur before this in Mesillas Yesharim about how we're living in the most prosperous generation the most prosperous time. The people who have the least today would have been considered as having the most just yesterday. So I won't say that we're living in the most anxious difficult time to have simcha but we're living in a challenging time to have simcha. We're living in a time of great uncertainty. Yesterday we just came back I'm on a high you can't tell because I'm also exhausted but I'm on a high. We had a two-day trip to New York in which we met with tremendous rabbanim rebbeim a rebbe from around the New York area 24 guys or so. We got brachas we learned we found inspiration it was incredible really really incredible and I'm very excited looking forward to sharing it. So we were meeting the last meeting we had yesterday was with Rav Avrum Schorr HaLekach VeHaLibuv the son of Rav Gedalia Schorr whose fiery eyes can pierce the back of your skull. It was an incredible meeting he's an incredible person and he was talking about he mentioned he mentioned it in passing but I think it gave us all pause. If you're a student of history and you don't have to be if you just know the bare minimum of what started World War I and what started World War II how insignificant how unimportant and yet it snowballed and it escalated and it dominoed until world wars. That what we're watching and living right now Russia and the Ukraine we're on the precipice we're on the edge. Maybe nothing will happen seems that something's already started to happen how much will happen how much will it escalate and who will be drawn in and what will life look like tomorrow? You could be filled with tremendous anxiety. We met with another Rav the Rav Rottenberg in Monsey who was the rebbe that two Chanukahs ago he was lighting the Chanukah candles the terrorist came in with a machete killed someone his own son was injured. You may remember that story. So we met with him in his home where he has a sign hanging of the bracha to acknowledge makom she'asa neis a place that a miracle happened because he went through a series of miracles. I posted the video of his conversation with us. He also spoke about Russia and the Ukraine. He said both have a history of killing Jews let them kill each other. It was an interesting take on the situation. There are Jews who are there we daven and pray for their safety we daven and pray for the order and safety of the world but neither of these are nations that were particularly hospitable or have an illustrious history of the way they treated the Jews. So you live in the world today and you turn on the news and even if you try to avoid it it finds you and you could live with anxiety. Last night we came back and our flight someone had the best insight. We were scheduled we had to leave out the two last stops which were dinner we could all live without although some were looking forward to it the most but dinner and the rebbe's ohel which we've been to and imirtzeh Hashem we'll be back at. We had to leave them out because the weather was miserable and we got we were supposed to be on a 9 o'clock flight which became 9:45 which became 10:30 which became 11 something. So everyone scrambled to go on different flights some got on an 8:00 to Fort Lauderdale an 8:10 to West Palm a 9:45. although it wouldn't hurt you, but I'm not sharing that so you have pity on me. I'm sharing that with you because you sit there and you're looking and your app keeps updating and you keep getting the latest time, and then we finally landed. Rudy Giuliani was in the front row of the plane and it took a forever to get his bag off and he might have solved crime in Manhattan but he kept me from my bed. And you're like mayor, come on, get your stuff together here. He's blocking us from getting off the plane. So you live life and every day, these are small challenges. These are small challenges. These are nothing challenges, these are give you a bracha these should be your biggest challenges. But you wake up every day you can have anxiety and worry and fear and what will be with my flight and what will happen will be the- will there be a screw in the back of my tire and what will happen with Russia and the Ukraine and will I have the same head count the end of the day as the beginning of the day? So how do you live besimcha, how do you live besimcha? So we began to develop the notion of living in the day and living in the moment. Not giving up and not having despair. But rather being present and living in the moment. And embracing each moment for what it is, living it most richly. So we're on the top of page kuf nun aleph. Page 151. כמו שכתוב היום אם בקולו תשמעו as the pasuk says hayom, today, right now. Im bekolo tishma'u, if you listen, if my voice you hear, שרמז בזה שאדם צריך לחשוב שהיום התחלת העבודה hayom! Don't worry about yesterday, don't think about yesterday. Don't focus or perseverate, don't get paralyzed or debilitated by the thought of yesterday. Yesterday there were mistakes made. Yesterday we weren't our best selves. Maybe yesterday we raised our voice to our children even though we promised we wouldn't anymore. Maybe yesterday we didn't get to the shiur or we didn't get through the davening or we didn't say the Tehillim that we promised or thought we would. Maybe yesterday our relationship was met with some tension with someone that we love. Maybe yesterday we didn't realize or achieve our goals, that was yesterday. But if you drag and you shlep and you bring yesterday into today, then not only did you lose yesterday, but you'll lose today. So the secret, the answer to avodah, the key and the core to serving Hashem faithfully, and really to serving ourselves faithfully, to be our best selves, is not to get stuck in yesterday and not to become paralyzed by tomorrow. That's a hard thing. That's a very hard thing. But I as a rav I meet with and counsel and try to give chizuk every single day to people and I cannot tell you how many people have a lot to worry about about tomorrow but they lose today because they spend the whole today worried about tomorrow. Not just worried about tomorrow, what will happen with Russia and Ukraine and the gas prices in America tomorrow. There's so much to worry about. But they worry about tomorrow. I have this illness, I'm recovering, I have this- what will happen if it comes back, what will happen if it gets worse? What will happen tomorrow? What will happen with my children, what will happen with my grandchildren, what will happen with the bills, what will happen with- So in that fear of tomorrow they lose today. There's only one dimension we live in. There is no time machine to go back to yesterday. And tomorrow's not yet here. So any energy that we put into those two dimensions is wasted, it's squandered. It's simply taking away from the happiness and the joy that we could have today. We have to draw a line, create a cocoon, live in a bubble, and that bubble is called today. It's called hayom. It's called right now. This is it. This is what I have, this is who I am, this is where I am. And this is what I'm about. This is my life is right now. Now, I'm not suggesting that we don't have to learn from yesterday. If we've made mistakes, if we've had successes, we engaged experiences and we have to learn from yesterday. Of course we have to learn from yesterday. It's irresponsible. We don't blissfully erase yesterday like it didn't happen. We have to learn from it and we have to take responsibility and we are accountable for the decisions of yesterday. But we can't perseverate on it. And of course we have to prepare for tomorrow. We have to save financially, you have to plan financially, you have to plan your health and wellness. Eating right, living right is all about living for tomorrow. It's all about what will be and how long it will be. Of course we have to, but the only dimension we live in is today and that's what the pasuk is telling us. Hayom im bekolo tishma'u. Avodas Hashem, a life of serving Hashem is a life of hayom. It's a life of right now, today, likaneis aleha behischadsus and to come in with a sense of newness, of renewal, of rejuvenation, of a fresh opportunity. We ended last week, Yocheved made a point, I don't know if everyone heard it. Judaism is designed so beautifully that there are so many milestones and benchmarks and invitations to say, start again. It's a new hour. It's a new unit of time. It's a new day. It's a new week. It's a new week, a Shavua Tov, it's a new week. It's a new month or Rosh Chodesh. It's a new year, a Rosh Hashanah. The entire Jewish calendar is filled with invitations and opportunities to say, I'm gonna draw a line on my calendar, that was the me of yesterday, that was the me of last week, that was the me of last month, that was the me of last year. But there's a new me. Every day, every hour, every minute, every moment, is an invitation and opportunity to be a new me. To be a new me, not a fake me, not a counterfeit me, but a new me. התחדשות בכל יום ושעה אפילו כל רגע. Every day, every hour, every minute, every moment, u'vifrat achar nefilla. And when this happens the most is after we fall. After we fall and when we fall we break into pieces and in the process of putting ourselves back, we get to decide what we look like. So it's miserable to feel broken. It's terrible to be broken. To feel broken, neglected, ignored, invisible from people, from Hashem, to be filled with anxiety and worry and fear, to be consumed by failure and by struggle, it's miserable. But it's also an amazing opportunity because when you're broken and you need to be put back together like Humpty Dumpty—was he put back together in the end? No. Okay. I don't remember how that ends. No, they couldn't put him back together again. Why do we tell our children that? It's terrible. Cancel, we gotta cancel Humpty Dumpty. No? You can make an egg. Wow, now that's what you wake up to. A bunch of zombies all morning, cancel Humpty Dumpty, we gotta protest already. Okay. The point is that when a person is broken, when you're broken, when you fall off the wall, when you're broken, it's miserable, it's difficult, it's challenging, we don't want it, we don't ask for it, but it's also an opportunity. I've told you several times over the last several weeks there's nothing as whole as a broken heart. Kotzker. There's nothing as whole as a broken heart. So when you're broken and you're being put back together, you're putting yourself back together, you can decide which version you want to be. 2.0, 3.0, the iPhone up to 13. What version do you want to be of yourself? You're not locked in. The version of who you were as a kid, the version of who you were as a teenager. When I was in New York, one of the nights we had an outstanding, outstanding evening, beautiful geshmak farbrengen, it was really amazing, Beri Weber and a choir and Ephraim Waxman and singing and dancing and divrei Torah, was amazing. So I had a friend there from high school I hadn't seen in many, many, many years. And he showed me on his phone, he knew he was going to see me, he had a picture from high school. And it was funny. We had a teacher, we had a science teacher, one day we decided we'd all dress up like him. We came to school dressed up exactly like him. The wigs, whatever, it was a funny picture. But I looked at it and on the one hand I was humored by it, I was entertained by it, but I also thought, that's not me today. That was me then. I'm not embarrassed, ashamed, maybe a little bit, but it was me then. It was me then. Who we were then is not who we are now. And who we were yesterday doesn't have to be who we are today, and who we are today should not be who we'll become tomorrow. Every day is a new us. Is a new us, we can redefine ourselves. We can set new goals and we can craft a new lifestyle and we can transform our attitude. We don't have to be negative and pessimistic and fatalistic and hypercritical and complaining. We don't have to be. Nobody told you you have to wake up that way every day. Well, it's in my DNA and it was a minhag, it's a mesorah, it's what my mother and my grandmother and my great-grandmother, my father and my grandfather, my great-grand... you can break out. You can break the cycle. You can break the cycle of our own lives, it doesn't have to be. We have constant opportunities, u'vifrat, says Reb Itche Meyer, achar nefilla, especially after we've fallen down and we've broken, and now we get to superglue and we're putting ourselves back together, and we're coming back from a fall, coming back from a failure, coming back from a frustration. Right then is when we can choose how to put ourselves back together. Are we just going to look like we always did, or are we going to upgrade? You know we upgrade everything around us. We upgrade our car and we upgrade our phone and we upgrade our wardrobe and we upgrade everything about us, do we upgrade our attitude? There are people they're 40, they're 50, they're 60 years old, they're davening, they're learning, their demeanor is exactly the way it was always. No progress, no advance. We called our trip to New York, it was the BRS fly-in the Mevakshim, to be a Mevakesh Hashem, a searcher, a seeker, a yearner, a learner, somebody who's growing. Are we stagnant? Are we stuck? Have we arrived? Are we complacent? Does our life look exactly the way it always did? We were always late, we're still late, we'll always be late everywhere we go. We said no, I want to be punctual, I want to be reliable, I want to be dependable. Our davening. We were never into davening, we never connected, we never cared. No, I want to learn, I want to practice, I want to get into it. Our chesed. Whatever, every area of life, every area of life. Says in the footnote Rish Mem Vav, עצת ה' היא תקום. We say in Yehi Chavod every morning when we daven, רבות מחשבות בלב איש, that a person has many thoughts, many ideas, v'atzas Hashem, the advice of Hashem, hee takum to get up. ברוך אתה ה' אלוהינו מלך העולם שהכל נהיה בדברו. Amen. עצת ה' היא תקום. I told you this joke, I survived it previously so I'll tell it to you again. You know what they say the pshat רבות מחשבות בלב איש? The baby cries in the middle of the night, and רבות מחשבות בלב איש: she thinks he should get up and take care of the baby, and he thinks she should get up and take care of the baby. So what's the right thing? עצת ה' היא תקום. She should get up. Yeah, it never went over well either in the past, so to a room full of women, a women's shiur. Bad idea in the women's shiur, huh? Crash and burn. עצת ה' היא תקום. So what does it really mean? תתחיל כל רגע מחדש. Begin every moment anew. בלי להסתכל מה היה. Without looking at what was. אלא ירגיש כאדם חדש לגמרי. Redefine ourselves, rediscover ourselves, rebuild ourselves, rebirth ourselves. ויקבע לעצמו שמרגע זה ואילך מתחיל משהו חדש. And become determined that from this moment on, I'm a new person. From this moment on, I am a new person. ואף אם יפול שוב. And even if you fall again. אז יתחיל שוב מחדש. It's not a problem. Not a problem. And even if you fall again, you'll just start again. Even if you fall again, you'll just start again. V'ein zeh rama'us. So you'll say what kind of life of a lie is this? Who's the real you? If you just keep hitting reboot, if you just keep hitting restart, if you just keep wiping it clean and starting again? So it's a life of rama'us. Who are you fooling, who are you tricking? כי באמת בכל פעם אדם עולה קצת. The answer is each time we fall, we fall a little bit less, and each time we get up, we get up a little bit higher. וממילא התחלה היא ממשיכה ונשארת. So this process of ratzo v'shov, of running and coming, this process of back and forth, of falling and getting up. Each time we fall a little less, and each time we get up a little higher, and so even though we are, it's like the stock market. It's jagged. Study the stock market, and I can tell you right now, I can predict with absolute certainty that the stock market in the future will be like the past. It will not be a line, at no point will it just be a line. It's jagged. It's ups and downs and ups and downs. However, we hope and we pray that while it's ups and downs, it trends up. You can have, you can have ups and downs, but we want the ups and downs to trend up. That is our life. Our life is filled with ups and downs. Maybe the tzadikim we met over the last two days, maybe the very holy people, maybe they're exceptions to the rule, although they would be the first to tell you they're human and they're not. Every one of us has ups and downs. Every one of us have triumphs and failures. Every one of us, we're raised and we feel like we're high, and then we fall and we feel like we're low, and we have those other moments. The question is not if. The question is when, can we modulate and can we keep, do we have ups and downs in this range? Do we have ups and downs in this range? What do our ups and our downs look like? In our spiritually bipolar, and I don't use that word lightly, life, it works in waves. We met with Rav Reisman, Rav Yisroel Reisman, Rosh Yeshiva Torah Vodaath, among our amazing meetings. He spoke all about davening. You talk about honesty? He sat down, he said, let me give you a little advice in davening that's worked for me. He said, my mind is usually wandering by the second bracha of Shemoneh Esrei. I struggle to focus. Let me give you some suggestions of what works for me. refreshing and how amazing it was to hear Rav Reisman saying I struggle to daven, my mind wanders. here are a few suggestions, here's what I do, here's what I try. It was amazing. It was amazing. What'd he say? So he said about davening. Oh, what'd he say? You gotta come back for that now. You gotta keep you coming back. So he said, but davening, you know, davening comes in waves. There are times you're into it, you can't wait for the next daven, you don't want it to end, you're totally engaged. And there are other times that you're just saying the words, you're flipping through the pages, you're not really there even though your body's there, even though your lips are moving. Life is in waves. But can we how much? So is it a remez if I know that my life was not going to be a line? This is not who I am forever, but I'm going to be up and down, in and out, high and low, so it's a joke, it's a remez. So the answer's no, as long as we trend up. ונודע שהעליה בדרך של שבע יפול צדיק וקם. Pasuk says that the tzaddik, the righteous person, falls seven times and gets up. וזה אינה כפשוטה ממש הצדיק נופל שבע פעמים באותו מקום אלא הכוונה שכל נפילה וקימה ממקום עד גבוה יותר. The tzaddik doesn't fall seven times over the same thing. The tzaddik falls seven times but falls a little less each time and gets up a little higher each time. It's amazing. Joey Newcomb says in his song to these words. It doesn't, it says tzaddik. שבע יפול צדיק וקם. It doesn't say Sheva yipol v'kam. If you fall seven times, get up. To be a tzaddik you have to fall seven times and get up. If you never fell, you're not a tzaddik, you're just an angel. If you never struggled and you never failed and you never faltered, then you're not a tzaddik. You're not entitled to be called a tzaddik. You didn't earn the title tzaddik. You're just an angel. So okay, baruch Hashem, it's nice to have you in the world, but I can't relate to you whatsoever. שבע יפול צדיק וקם. The tzaddik to be called a tzaddik you have to fall seven times and get up. Back upstairs. וזה עיקר גדול להכריחם מאוד מאוד מאוד. The Gemara says three times me'od me'od me'od k'dei l'hatzliach b'avodah. If you want to be a successful eved Hashem, if you want a successful marriage, those looking to get married should have the bracha of happiness and companionship. If you want to have a successful parenting, those looking for children should be blessed with healthy children that give them nachas. K'dei l'hatzliach if we want hatzlacha, if we want success, this is the עיקר מאוד מאוד מאוד. Very, very, very. If I wrote a paper and handed it to a teacher, it said very, very, very, line they'd cross out two verys and hand it back to me, maybe even the third very and say it didn't even say anything. But very, very, very. Why? Because if you're stuck in the past and you're lost in tomorrow and you're forfeiting the present, if you don't believe that you have the ability to change, to grow, if you think who you are is who you are, then you're not really alive, you're not really living. שצריך לשכוח כל מה שהיה ולהתחיל היום עכשיו מחדש. You have to forget everything that was and to start today anew. Start today fresh. Sleep is such a gift. You know that when you don't get a lot of it. It's such a gift. But among the many gifts it is, sleep rejuvenates the body and restores the body and rests the body. And we have a tradition, the neshama goes on high and returns to Hashem. But sleep also creates a natural break. Can you imagine if we just were alive our whole lives and one everything blended into each other and there was never a break? There was never the notion that I woke up, that I got up out of bed, that I start my day. Every morning is a new opportunity. Every morning is amazing. Every morning is fantastic. That's why the Shulchan Aruch paskens התגבר כארי לעמוד לבוקר. Wake up and roar like a lion. Don't hit fifteen snoozes. Don't crawl out of bed. But wake up and greet the day roar like a lion. Today is my day. Today I'm going to find my special someone. Today I'm going to break through in my job in my career. Today I'm going to eat well and exercise and take care of myself. Today I'm going to be calm and patient and communicate. Today I'm going to break free from technology and live with mindfulness. Today! And then the day becomes like other days and you have tomorrow. But every day, hisgaber k'ari. It's a new opportunity and as long as it's a little better than yesterday, a little better. לחשוב רק על הווה think only of the present ולעשות בו בכל הכוח and to do it with all of our energy and all of our effort. To do it with everything that we have. Because all we have is today. היום אם בקולו תשמעו. Today, now, here, the present. ואין זה המלטות מהמציאות שהיתה. We're not trying to divorce ourselves from the reality that was, we're not trying to pretend. or relinquish ownership or responsibility for what happened. *Adaraba*, *zu hi ha'emes*. We're simply reflecting the truth, and what is the truth? The truth is כרגע הוא עבודה בפני עצמו. The truth and the reality are that every moment is its own independent *avodah*. Stop. What am I meant to do right now? Okay, my flight was delayed or cancelled. Okay, this person didn't react or respond the way I wanted them to. Okay, I just had a fight, it escalated, I created a tension, I regret, I don't like the way this feels. Okay, I just ate a bag of Cape Cod potato chips at 1:00 in the morning when I came back from the fly-in. I did not by the way. I walked right by them. *Baruch Hashem*. Finally getting somewhere. Where'd you put them by the way? Just looking for them. Just looking for them. But in every one of those moments, all you have is, okay good, so that happened. Now what? Now what? What am I meant to do right now? Now what? There's a hole in the pipe in my wall. Now what? Okay, frustrating. Good. What do I need to do right now? *Hayom*, *ve'atah*. And now what? ולכן אף שצריך לתקן את העבר מכל מקום אין זה נוגע בכלל לעבודה של עכשיו ואין שום סיבה שתחלש עבודתו עכשיו בגלל מה שהיה. Sometimes we have to use the present to repair the past. There was a hole in the pipe, you got to fix it. There was a hole in the relationship, you have to say you're sorry, take responsibility, sincere apology, not a 2022 apology. If you feel bad and it was really someone else's fault and you shouldn't be upset about it, then maybe, not a fake apology. A real apology is "I was wrong, I take responsibility, I'm sorry, I feel bad, I will work to make sure it doesn't happen again." We can't erase the past, you have to take responsibility for it, but it's only relevant as it informs our present. ובכל רגע ורגע השם יתברך פותח פתח להתחבר עמו. In every moment *Hashem* opens a new window. In every moment *Hashem* opens new channels to connect with him. ומה הגיון להפסיד את הרגע הזה בגלל מה שהיה בעבר. Okay, it was. You're right. Your eating, your wellness, your behavior, your actions, your choices, your relationship, okay good, so it was. So now what? You're going to walk around all miserable, *verbissen*, and negative, pessimistic, complaining because of what was? אין זה אלא עצת היצר. The *yetzer hara* has an unbelievable way of working. You know I started to tell you one of the *chevra* on the trip said, as we're all scrambling to rebook our flights last night, he said, "Wow, do you realize what a powerful trip this was?" We all looked at him "What are you talking about?" He said, "This trip was so powerful and poised to change our lives, to come back with incredible *kabbalah*, breakthrough change, to implement things in our lives." At dinner we were meant to go around and every person on it, 23, 24 people, we were meant to each go around and say, "Here's what someone said that touched me, here's what I'm going to do differently, here's the *kabbalah* I take upon myself." And the *satan* understood that that's what was about to happen. So the *satan* was hard at work to make sure we wouldn't sit together. So we're going to convene here. You're also allowed to eat dinner and go in a circle in Boca. It's a lot warmer and nicer to do it here. So we're going to fight that *satan*, we're going to overcome him and his voice. But that's the power of the *yetzer hara*. When the *yetzer hara* senses there's about to be breakthrough, when the *yetzer hara* senses there's about to be change, then the *yetzer hara* kicks it into overdrive, starts cancelling flights, starts getting into your head, starts knocking you down, starts distracting you and making you worry, starts to make you forfeit the present, to make you stuck in the past or afraid of the future, anywhere but the present. *Yetzer hara* knows that when you're not living in the moment and when you're not mindful and present, it owns you. It owns you. Why do you eat the bag of Cape Cod potato chips at 1 AM? If any normal person looked you in the eye and said, "It's 1:00 in the morning, you're about to lie horizontally for a few hours, do you really want that bag in your belly?" If a person, do you know what it's going to do to your waistline and to your cholesterol level? If you just thought about it for a moment, if you were in the present, okay, you'd have a chip or two maybe, or maybe you'd realize that that's impossible so you wouldn't even open the bag and you'd move on. I'm giving such a mundane silly example but it's reality in our lives. How does the *yetzer hara* win? By getting you out of the moment. Distracting, distracting, perseverating, anxious, unfocused, mindless, because when we're mindful we are our best selves and we make our best choices and we best connect with *Hashem*. And when we're mindless, then we're lost. We're absolutely lost. אין זה אלא עצת היצר ולכן צריך להחליט וירגיש שעכשיו נפתח דף חדש ויתעלם מכל מה שהיה. So we have to feel and we have to decide. These are not emotions. We live in a mushy gushy emotion time we blame everything on our feelings. Our feelings, your feelings, my feelings. Feelings, feelings are important and they're real. They need to be addressed and they need to be worked out. I'm not dismissing them, I'm not some cold, I have a lot of feelings. I have a lot of feelings too. And feelings are real. But in the end of the day what defines us as human beings are not our feelings but our decisions. It's our bechirah. We have bechirah, we have choice. We dictate, we determine who we are. We determine what we think about. We determine how we behave and we determine our actions. And if we start smiling and we're happy, we'll feel happy. So all that you need is the decision to smile. When we smile, this is not me, go home and Google it, the research all shows that when you smile you then feel happy. Don't wait to feel happy and then smile, when you smile you'll feel happy. So all that you need to do is decide that you're going to smile. You'll feel stupid, you'll feel you look stupid, but you don't, you don't. Smile. Last Shabbos we spent in Baltimore, met a woman we had a meal with. She just had a permanent smile plastered on her face. And I was a chutzpah, I didn't even know them but I asked her husband, I said, does your wife always smile like that? What's that like for you? No, meaning, you want to be down or depressed, you want to be negative or complain, but there's always that positivity. And he said it's fantastic because it doesn't allow you to. It lifts you and it energizes you. So I don't know, I don't know her well, am I in trouble right now? Oh, he said, no, I said I know exactly how you feel. I also live with someone who smiles all the time. You didn't let me finish. You didn't let me finish. What's that like for you? Because I want to tell you what it's like for me. Oy, I should have stayed in New York. Ouch. I was going to end the shiur two minutes ago. Mamash was going to end two minutes ago. It's a rough morning. But I'm going to start again. Get to start again. I don't know the woman. I don't know whether she grew up that way, she was, you know, came out of the womb with a smile on her face. Or I don't know whether she's worked on herself, but I know that every one of us can be that person who smiles. Every one of us can be that light that walks into a room. Every one of us can be the one who puts out that energy that transforms everyone around us. It's a determination to smile. So I'll give you homework for today. I'm not sure we're ready to reach her level. And I guess we'll find out later today or tomorrow if she listens to this shiur. And I say everything I said with the greatest admiration, really, and envy. But here's our homework. I don't know that we could smile from when we wake up in the morning till we fall asleep at night. It's hard to smile when you land late and you're still wearing that mask and you're frustrated and you're tired and you're crawling to your bed. It's hard. It's hard. But here's where the most important time to smile. When you walk into your house. When your children come home from school. When if you're married you see your spouse for the first time at the end of that day. To be determined, to make the decision that no matter what's happening in my day, no matter what I'm about to unload on them, no matter how they're behaving, and they I mean the children or the spouse, I'm going to smile because that smile will set the anchor, that smile will determine the trajectory of how the rest of this afternoon or evening goes. You know I say this to men too. When I meet with men, I say to them, I don't care what's going on in your life. I don't really care what's happening at work. When you pull into that driveway, when you come into that house, leave it at the door. Come in with a smile. Come in with a light. Come in with an energy, come in with a positivity. It doesn't really matter. You may have legitimate reasons to be down and out, legitimate reasons to be frustrated and depressed, legitimate reasons to be struggling. There are many legitimate reasons. Doesn't matter, leave them at the door. Decide and be determined to smile. Because simcha is a decision, it's not an emotion. How can I smile? I have feelings, my boss spoke to me this way and this deal fell through and this was such a frustrating. Walk in and smile, put a smile on your face, no matter what you're feeling inside put a smile on your face. When you walk in put a smile, and when you're greeting whoever walked in have a smile. And children when you come home smile, and the parents who greet those children should smile, and the rebbe and teacher in the classroom every day needs to greet a smile and come back from lunch or recess with a smile. You know what the world would look like if we just smiled more? My zeide, my grandfather, used to love the song we sang it to him at the end of his life: 'When you're smiling keep on smiling and the whole world smiles with you.' I only know that song because we used to sing it to him, it was a little before my time. 'When you're smile keep on smile the whole world smiles with you.' We have the ability to change the energy in a room, and it won't cost, you don't have to bring in a charcuterie board or a sushi chef. You could change the energy in the room without a martini mixer, you could change the energy in the room without a giveaway, you could change the energy in the room for free: the decision to put on a smile. Smile. And every moment's a new moment. By the way, so you know what could happen later today? I'm not telling you this comes easy to me. Someone might be smiling because they're laughing at me that I'm saying this because I need to work on this, or just because she smiles all the time, I don't know which one. But you know what? So you failed. The kids are going to come home today, your spouse is going to come home today, you're going to come home today, twenty minutes later you're going to realize how miserable and negative you were. Oh, I forgot, you're supposed to smile. Hayom, im bekolo tishmau, Hayom! No problem, just start smiling now. Again, whoever you live with is going to think you lost your mind. A minute ago you were complaining and kvetching and miserable. All of a sudden you've got this smile, your teeth are shining. Say, what is with you? Nothing, you know what? I decided I want to be positive and smile. I want to be happy, be happy with me. No one's ever going to say to you no, no, let's be miserable together, stop that smile, I prefer that we are miserable. Yeah, okay, happy? Sure, happy, great. Okay, let's try it. Hayom, every moment is a new moment, every is a fresh opportunity. This is your homework until next time: smile. Smile. Not smile the whole day. Smile to begin the day and smile when you see those people at the end of your day. And next week you'll report whether relationships are different, your mental, spiritual, physical health are different, whether the feeling in our homes is different. We have that power in our hands. Tonight nine o'clock we're going behind the bimah with my cousin Rabbi Dovid Bashevkin. Join us at nine o'clock. Until next time, stay happy, stay healthy, stay holy.
