Transcript
Good morning, Boker Tov. Good morning, Boker Tov, welcome back to Living with Emunah. We want to thank our generous series sponsors, Avi and Vellamore Morgan, in memory of Rabbi Dr. Brian Galbut, in memory of Bella’s mother Dr. Ellen Schanz, super grateful to the Morgans for their generous sponsorship. Also this morning's shiur is dedicated by Lisa and Dr. Sam Friedman in honor of Boca Raton Synagogue. Thank you very much to the Friedmans, our dear friends, should be filled only with blessing and simcha, and by Avrum and Alana Weissman, Ari Chai Isaacs, Ben and Dina Isaacs, in celebration of their amazing parents, Yehuda and Linda Isaacs’ wedding anniversary 50 years ago tonight. 50th wedding anniversary. Wow. Should celebrate 50 more years together in good health and happiness with a lot of nachas, and if they have one percent of Ben’s energy, they will live a long and happy and healthy life. If anyone knows my friend Ben Isaacs. Ben, I always tell him, if I just had like one percent of your energy, what I could get done in the day. Okay, we are continuing Living with Emunah. We are continuing with our theme that we've been building upon, אמן אל מלך נאמן, the notion that we recognize and welcome and invite Hashem to be part of our lives on a daily basis. We are not living on our own, we're not figuring it out for ourselves, we are not independent people, but in the end of the day, there's a Ribbono Shel Olam, there's an Almighty, and He loves us and He's with us and He supports us and He holds us accountable, and when we live with emunah, then we have nothing to fear and we have no reason to be anxious or arrogant or angry. You know every day there's something that comes our way which poses a challenge, every day, whether it's individually, personally, whether it's within family life, whether it's professionally, whether it's communally, whether it's institutionally. There are things that announce, there are things that happen, there are people who behave in ways that bother us. So either we can have thin skin and get bent out of shape and forfeit our happiness and our joy and our life, or we can recognize that there's Hashem in the world. And if Hashem wants it to succeed, if Hashem wants that person's actions to take root, then it was meant to be. And if Hashem doesn't want it, then I don't need to help sabotage it, I don't need to protest or be angry about it. I don't need to lose my own serenity, tranquility, and peace of mind over it. It's all over Hashem. The challenge of living with emunah is not intellectually what we know. The challenge is not do we explore the evidence for God's existence and do we really believe that He's here. The challenge is that in that moment, in that moment, in the moment that you're running late and you get stuck at the red light, in that moment that that person or that institution or Mother Nature doesn't cooperate and behave the way we want, do we remember then, take that deep breath, we restore the neshama with neshima. Soul and breath come from the same word, neshama and neshima. We restore our soul when we take a deep breath and we remind ourselves, what am I getting bent out of shape? Why am I getting so upset and bothered? There's a Hashem, He runs the world and He's in charge and He's in control and nothing is random and nothing is chance. So I have to take my initiative in my daled amos, within my four cubits, I have to do the best that I can, I have to be the best that I can, I have to make the right choices and the right decisions in every dilemma I face, but beyond that, just let go. It's up to Him, it's up to Him. So are the behaviors of others sometimes enormously frustrating? Absolutely. Absolutely. But you know, we control our happiness. We can't control other people, we can only control how they make us feel. We can only control how they make us feel. Can't change people, we can't control people. I was talking to someone very late last night dealing, struggling with a family situation, and you know, as I've said before, do you know the definition of a dysfunctional family? Any family with more than one person in it. That is the dictionary definition of a dysfunctional family. And never does it, never does dysfunction rise and present itself as it does when there's a holiday weekend. Thanksgiving weekend, Yom Tov, a secular holiday, when family is poised and ready to be together, when there are expectations of being together, that's when it all rises to the top. And so what I was encouraging is that you can't, you're not going to change parents, grandparents, people of a certain age, you're not going to change. Maybe they will change if they choose to change. It's never too late for any of us to change. We can change at any age that we want, it's never ever too late to make significant changes in our life. But that's for that person to decide, or that's for Hashem to precipitate, to organize circumstances in a way that it will change. We can't change people, all we can change is how they make us feel. All we can change is how we react and what we do when we respond. So whether we lose our mind, literally or figuratively, because of the people around us, is up to us. Yes, they may trigger it, yes, they may poke us in the eye, figuratively or in some cases literally, but how we respond. Okay so that person has that challenge that they're behaving this way. That's their problem not mine. I don't need to absorb their negativity, I don't need to absorb their phobia, their psychosis, their psychological disorders, I don't need to absorb it. Because their behaving in that way doesn't have to be my problem. I don't have to lose my peace, my tranquility, my happiness, my happiness. You know, everybody wants to live with peace. Yaakov Avinu, our parsha begins: וישב יעקב ביקש יעקב לישב בשלוה. Yaakov says: My whole life I've been on the run, twenty years I worked, twenty-two, my whole life has been challenging, struggling on the run, I just want to live in peace. I just want to sit under the palm tree, sip my pina colada, sort of read my book, want to play my mahjong, my golf, my tennis, I want to go to my afternoon kollel, I just want to retire in peace. And what happened in that exact moment? Hashem says: You want peace and serenity? You think that's what life's about? Kadosh Baruch Hu brought upon him rogzo shel Yosef, he brought upon the whole episode of Yosef: the brothers, the conflict, the sale of Yosef, the disappearance of Yosef, just when he says: I just want peace and quiet. Why can't I just coast through life? Why are there hardship and challenges, emotional, psychological, physical, spiritual? I just want everything to be perfect. Is that so much to ask? Is that so much to ask? To which Hashem says: Yeah, that's too much to ask. You know when you'll get that? In the next world. In the next world it's a yom shekulo peace, yom shekulo shabbos. In the next world, you'll have peace, you'll have serenity, you'll have happiness, you'll have joy, you won't have to work for a living, nobody will disappoint you, everything will work out the way you want. In the next world, there'll be no doctors' appointments and doctors' visits and doctor waiting rooms and waiting on lab return. In the next world, it's just kulo peace. But this world, that's not what it's for. We mentioned yesterday in the parsha shiur that I think it was Rav Yeruchem who said: There's no rocking chair on a factory floor. On the factory floor there's no recliner. Because the factory floor is a place of work. And this world is a place that we work. We work on ourselves and we work to be the best that we can be and we work to make the difference we're meant to make and we work to become the best version of ourselves the world is waiting for. So Yaakov was also bikaish leishev b'shalva. But tough nuggies says Hashem. I think that's what he said, tough nuggies. I don't know how you spell nuggies. Tough nuggies, he said. He said tough nuggies, you can't live with peace and serenity. There's going to be people and things all around you that are going to throw curveballs at you. Life is going to throw curveballs because this is a place to work, to work on ourselves, how we react, how we respond to the curveballs that life throws our way. We can't control people, we can't control nature, we can't control, there's much more that we cannot control than we can control. All we should work on is what we can control as the serenity prayer, but that's what we can control is ourselves, how we react, how we respond, how we feel. And too many of us forfeit that. We say: They make me feel, it's not my choice. This is how I feel, this is how I think, this is how I behave, this is how I was raised, this is who I am, this is how I'm shaped, and that's just the way it is. Says who? Says who? Why are we forfeiting? Why are we conceding? Why would we do that? Hashem gave us this incredible gift, this incredible tool, it's called free will. Hashem gave us the power to make choices, to shape and mold our own life, our own existence. We're able to control our thoughts, we're able to regulate our emotions and certainly we're responsible for our behaviors and our actions. So do you want to be, you know I've said before, you can be the passenger or you can be the pilot. You want to be along for the ride and blame everyone else or you want to be the pilot? You want to be driving the car, you want to be driving the plane to the destination you want to go, to live the life that we want to live. Or the other metaphor, if you're a rabbi you just have this file cabinet of metaphors. The other metaphor: are you the thermostat or are you the thermometer? Thermometer tells you what the temperature is. Thermostat lets you control it. So you could be a thermometer your whole life. You're going to walk around and you're going to say: This one makes me feel this way, and I can't believe this one behaved that way, and because I was raised this way and because I have these genetics I'm that way and because and I'm just, I'm a thermometer complaining all day about what temperature I am. Too hot, too cold, it's never just right, it's everyone else's fault around me and all I can do is report on the temperature. I'm a thermometer, I just report the temperature. Or you could be a thermostat. And you could say: I'm going to dial the temperature. If it's too hot, I'm going to lower the thermostat. If it's too cold, I'm going to raise the thermostat. You could be a thermostat or a thermometer, the choice is ours. And one of the empowering things in making that choice is emunah, is emunah. Because Hashem gave us, He endowed us, He gifted us with that free will. He gives us the courage, the tenacity, the resilience to be able to overcome, to achieve, to be the people that we want to and that we're meant to be. Stop being fatalistic and stop being a spectator to your own life and stop watching from the sidelines feeling that you can't control it. I'm not telling you it's easy. I'm not telling you that there aren't people... Or places or things or institutions that drive me crazy and that make my blood pressure rise and that make my pulse speed up and that make me want to lash out with rage and anger and everything. I'm right there with you. I'm right there. I'm right there. I've surpassed you. I'm right there. But I'm telling you what I try to work on is taking that deep breath and saying: first of all, will this reaction make anything better? Will it make the problem go away or will it make it worse? Will I compound things? Number one. Number two: that person that I'm so angry, that I'm raging, that I'm flipping out, that I'm bouncing off the walls, that in my mind I'm writing the emails that I would never send, that person is happily sipping pina coladas under a palm tree at their pool. Their life isn't changed at all by how upset I'm getting. The only one who's losing out, the only one whose life is changed, is me. It didn't make anything better, didn't make anything change at all. So just let go and let Hashem. Do the best that we can, make the choices that we can, hold our head high with dignity, with class, act with derech eretz and midos—we'll speak about it in one moment—and then Hashem is in charge. So people behave the way they behave and the natural world is organized and programmed the way it's organized and programmed, not always corresponding with what we want. It is what it is. You let go and you live another day and it's up to Hashem, but you could live that day preserving and maintaining your physical health, your mental health, your spiritual health, or you could lose your cool and sacrifice and concede it all. You could forfeit it all. Don't be a passenger, be a pilot. Don't be a thermometer, be a thermostat. Don't be a spectator. Get in the game of practicing who we want to be. What's our image? What's our vision of who we want to be? And become that person. Make the choice and tenaciously cling to what it will take to become that person. Mr. Stephen Covey says in his Seven Habits, start with the end in mind. So start with the end in mind. What kind of mother or father do I want to be? Now you can't say, well, I want to be loving and calm, cool and collect, but only if I were to have children that would be normal and would behave and do everything exactly the way I tell them. But because I have children who are stubborn and I have children who are oppositional and I have children who don't listen and I have children who can't pay attention and I have children who are defiant and don't do what I want, so I can't be the parent I want to be. Who says? It's the opposite by the way. If you become the parent that you want to and are meant to be, the likelihood is your children will respond much better. So start with the end in mind. Who do I want to be? What do I want to be like as a spouse? How do I want to respond? How do I want to behave? Do I want to lose my cool? Do I want to be loving and affectionate and complimentary and understanding and flexible and forgiving? Who do I want to be? And then be mindful and never concede the power that we all have to be that person. What does this have to do with living with emunah? I don't know, I feel like talking about it. It's making me feel a little bit better. But it does have everything to do with emunah. Because I think what drives the engine that drives that courage and that confidence and that belief that we can be in control is Hashem. There's a Tzelem Elokim inside everyone of us and the world of Tzelem Elokim is a world of discipline and dignity. We're made up of two people. We have the animal impulse, the animal instinct, the animal drive, and we have a godly soul. We have a godly soul, Tzelem Elokim. This clash between the nefesh bahami, the animal instinct, the animal instinct, you know what the animal says? The animal says somebody said something to you that ticked you off, oh boy, the animal part of the brain should light up: fight or flight, go at him, write that text, send that email, lash out, raise your voice, lose your cool, throw that object. That's the animal inside you. That's the animal. The animal acts impulsively. The animal acts compulsively. But we're also a Tzelem Elokim, we're a חלק אלוה ממעל ממש. This piece of God inside everyone of us. Everyone of us is a living manifestation of the Ribono shel Olam of the Almighty. There's a piece of God, a Tzelem Elokim inside of us. And God is the ultimate in discipline, self-control. We have the capacity to actually step outside of ourselves and see ourselves. When you act like an animal you don't. Animals don't by the way. Animals have no self-awareness. Animals have no self-awareness. No cat or dog ever said, how do I look in these jeans? Do I look fat in this outfit? No cat or dog ever said, you know what does the neighborhood think about me? The stuff I'm doing on their trees or in their backyard. What's my reputation? I'm concerned about it. Animals don't have the capacity to have self-awareness. They never step outside themselves and analyze or think about or evaluate or reflect on who they are or how they're perceived. To be an animal is to live in the here and now. Beheima is ba mah. What you see is what you get, it's the here and now. That's an animal. So if you ever see someone fly off the handle, lose their cool, and I don't recommend trying this at home but you can try it at home, take a little video. Because afterwards they will tell you that you doctored that up, that wasn't Do you know what you broke, what relationships you broke, do you know the words you said, do you know how you appeared? I don't know what you're talking about. Yeah, I got a little bit excited but I didn't do that, I didn't say that. You might have had that experience with somebody who's a fit of rage who later says I don't know what you're talking about. I didn't sound like that, I didn't look like that, I didn't say that. Here's the video. It's undeniable. The video is the self-awareness, the video is the third-party confirmation outside ourselves that's undeniable. But people when we act that way, when we give into the animal in us, we have no self-awareness. But we have the ability to be tzelem Elokim to be a God, to stop and say how do I look right now? How do I sound right now? Is this who I want to be? Is this how I want to be perceived? Is this my life, is this the kind of husband or wife or mother or father, is this the kind of friend, is this the kind of employer or employee, is this the kind of community member, is this the kind of Eved Hashem, is this who I want to be? And the tzelem Elokim which is what gives us the ability to step outside ourselves and have that awareness about ourselves also is what gives us the capacity to control ourselves. We cannot control other people. Stop thinking you can. Stop micromanaging, manipulating, controlling. We cannot control other people. We can encourage, we can model the right behavior, but we cannot control other people. We can only control how we react, how they make us feel. We can only control ourselves. That's all that we can control and that in turn will likely control everything around us. And that's a gift. That's what Hashem gave us that capacity, that capacity for. And along those lines, I'll tell you something in the parsha. I said it the parsha yesterday when as usual as is my minhag I ran out of time. I said that I was going to share one thing I saved for the emunah class because it's an overlap between Parshas Vayishev and and the emunah shiur. But first Yocheved had a comment. I was just going to ask again, I think that we could all understand the points about the emunah and the bitachon and we understand let go let God and all that. I think the part that probably I in particular have a hard time with is the concept of hishtadlus. You know, the anxiety over are we doing enough hishtadlus? How much hishtadlus? And I think that is something maybe that would be helpful in like you know because we could let go, but we also know there's a concept of trying so hard in a situation so how do we balance? 100 percent. 100 percent. I'll repeat the question for those who couldn't hear but first ברוך אתה ה' אלוהינו מלך העולם שהכל נהיה בדברו. Amen. My coffee cups are almost done. Look how fantastic. Caffeinate with kavanah. shehakol nihiyah bidvaro. Beautiful coffee cups, emunah shiur logo, it's going to be fantastic. So Yocheved said we can grasp the idea of the let go let God and and put faith in him and don't get anxious or stressed out over what we can't control, but what about stressing over what we can control? What about stressing out over what we're in control of and are we doing well, are we doing good enough? Are we are what we are in charge of, what we can control, of the actions that we can regulate? What about the anxiety that comes from are we doing enough, are we regulating enough, are we living enough? It's a great, great question. Maybe we'll address it a little bit here, if not we'll come back to it, but thank you for raising it, it's a great question. So in our parsha, Parshas Vayishev, we have the story of the sale of Yosef but that entire story we take a detour for the episode of Yehuda and Tamar. Curtain comes down on the sale of Yosef, when it comes back up, act two, the next scene is Yehuda and Tamar, then the curtain comes down and we're back to the story of the sale of Yosef. Why it's interrupted and the flow of the parsha and what that's all about is for another time. It's fascinating. But Yehuda and Tamar, Yehuda is one of the 12 tribes, Yehuda is actually the progenitor of the monarchy. Yehuda has malchus, Yehuda ultimately is royalty. And yet this very same Yehuda, when he's lonely, ends up soliciting the services of a prostitute on the side of the road that little did he know was his own daughter-in-law who had dressed up. It's amazing where people don't want to learn Chumash and parsha by the way. Show me, I don't know, is there is there a book or a movie that's going to be more riveting, more interesting, more salacious than than the parsha? The problem is these are the parts they skipped in school so you don't even know what's in there because nobody ever taught it to you in school. So so Yehuda's sons die and daughters are lonely and want to have a continuity. So Tamar, desperate for a continuity, knows the only way that she can continue is to attract the attention of her father-in-law and to continue that family name of her husband that was lost, and dresses up and solicits his services. Why was he pursuing those services? And how could a bas Yisrael, how could a Tamar whom we name our children after, I have a Tamar, have even contemplated that that was the right course of action? How did she know how to dress up or how to behave, how did she even know how to imitate? and they are together and she becomes pregnant and now Yehuda not realizing it had been Tamar sees Tamar his former daughter-in-law his daughter-in-law pregnant thinking that she is promiscuous publicly confronts her and Tamar wanting to preserve Yehuda's dignity doesn't say are you kidding me are you kidding me the biggest hypocrite on the planet is the pot calling the kettle black are you kidding me you're the father it's like a reality show you know pulls out the DNA the blood report the paternal whatever you're the father the crowd cheers like what what is going on but she doesn't do that you know what she does she just puts her head down and why does she do that Tamar goes down in our history as a heroine as a hero because she doesn't want to embarrass him she doesn't want to humiliate him she's willing to die because it's a death penalty for having been promiscuous she's willing to die and sacrifice herself rather than embarrass another person it's just mind-boggling that level but first but first she does appeal to him and she says the following in her words she says היא מוצאת והיא שלחה אל חמיה לאמר as she was taken out as she was taken out to be executed the judgment against her she sent word to her father-in-law she sent him a text message and she said לאיש אשר אלה לו אנכי הרה she said sorry לאיש אשר אלה לו אנכי הרה you see Yehuda when he used the services of Tamar had left a down payment he had made a payment his personal items so she now held them up and said not explicitly calling him out exposing him but simply raising those personal items which only he would recognize and she said you want to know who's the father whoever owns this pen this wallet this pin that's who this that's who made me pregnant and she said ותאמר הכר נא למי החותמת והפתילים והמטה האלה and she said identify if you please whose are these signet this wrap and this staff you know whoever whoever's tie this is whoever's pin or pen this is that's who the father is Haker na so Rashi says on these words Tamar confronts and calls out Yehuda not not by name but by by signal and Rashi says אין נא אלא לשון בקשה when she says Haker na please recognize na is a lashon bakasha na means please Haker na borecha what she was appealing to him was on her way out she's being brought out in judgment execution she holds up the pen the tie and she says whoever owns these is the father and she appeals to him she says please recognize your creator ואל תאבד שלוש נפשות and don't sacrifice three lives why three lives her life Tamar and the baby the baby and she's pregnant with twins Tamar was pregnant with twins and she says don't kill three people it's unnecessary it's unjust it's unjust it's immoral you're the father I did this intentionally by design there are three lives at stake please I appeal to you I beg you recognize your creator recognize your creator now what does your creator have to do with anything now what do you mean recognize your creator so Rav Yerucham in Daas Torah Rav Yerucham of the Mir he says the following האם ליהודה צריך לומר שיכיר את בוראו does Yehuda have to recognize he's the Rosh Yeshiva he's the Gadol Hador Yehuda's one of the Shevatim he's one of the great rabbis of the generation you have to give him a little mussar shmooze about the evidence of God's existence what are you going to recruit him to come to to Discovery Seminar Yehuda hear the Bible codes there's a God מדוע צריך להוציא את הפסוק מפשוטו שדיברה הינה מספיק כשם שיכיר העוונות שנתנו why is Rashi abandoning the simple understanding of the text the text means recognize recognize these things Rashi says she was telling him recognize your creator why you abandoning the simple text whose meaning is very meaningful in this context recognize these items and when you do you'll realize you're the father Shalom Al Yisrael then you'll stay the execution why does Rashi have to change and say recognize means recognize your creator ובכלל הלא היא מגלה לו שהמדובר הוא בבניו שלו האם צריך יראת שמים כדי שלא להורגם and if she's trying to appeal to his his paternal instinct just say these are your two children don't say there's a creator say these are your kids you're going to kill your kids if you kill me you're killing your twins you're killing your twins so said Rav Yerucham רואים כוחות נפש האדם שתמר ידעה שגם כאשר יכיר יהודה היטב את בגדיו יהיה קשה לו מאוד להודות על האמת Tamar understood something about the human psyche that even when Yehuda would recognize the items were his, it would still be hard to turn back and to be honest and to stop a process that was already in motion. כי לא קל לו לאדם להודות ברבים לבושתו. To be able to admit we were wrong in public in a way that will bring humiliation and shame is a very, very, very difficult thing to do. Just look at our elected officials. Look at our celebrities. Look at people in power. Look at community leaders who've made mistakes. But there's shame and there's guilt, there's humiliation, there's embarrassment. It's very, very hard. Even when you realize I'm wrong, to be able to be accountable, to be able to look in a camera and admit and not to qualify it and not to apologize if I hurt anyone, but to unqualified, unbridled admission, concession, I was wrong, I'm humiliated, I'm ashamed, I gave in to my animal instinct, I was wrong. It's enormously difficult. לכן התחננה לפניו שיכיר נא את בוראו. So therefore she appealed to him and she said, you're worried about shame in this world? You're worried about guilt in this world? You're worried about what everyone here thinks about you, will think about you if you admit it? Don't kill three innocent people because there's another world. And there's a creator, there's a God to whom you'll be accountable. Think big picture not small picture. Think long term not short term. And that was her appeal to him. That is the insight of Rabbi Yerucham. But what I really want to share with you is Rav Wolbe. I don't feel bad when we don't learn the sefer because at least we keep invoking Rav Wolbe. So the sefer is Rav Wolbe, we're not learning Rav Wolbe in the sefer, we're learning Rav Wolbe in other sefarim. So Rav Wolbe says the following. Shiurei Chumash in his lessons on Chumash on Parshas Vayeishev, Rav Wolbe says the following. He's bothered by the same question. Why is Tamar invoking hakir na recognize there's a God? Bible codes, discovery seminar, evidence for God's existence, recognize—what do you mean recognize Hashem? It's the eleventh hour. You're being brought out to be executed. These are his things. As soon as he recognizes them, he should realize those are his children inside you and not want to kill them or you. Why are you saying hakir na recognize God? So Rav Wolbe says the following. הכרת הבורא היא על ידי לימוד מורה נבוכים. Sorry, regilim lachshov. We normally think that how do we come to knowledge that God exists? When you learn the Rambam's Moreh Nevuchim or you learn Rav Yitzchak Albo's Sefer Ikkarim and when we learn theology and philosophy and we examine the evidence of God's existence, that's how we know God exists. בכאן אצל תמר מוצאים אנו הגדרה חדשה בהכרת הבורא. תמר אומרת ליהודה אם יש לך את אומץ להודות על האמת ברבים ולא לשרוף שלוש נפשות זוהי הכרת הבורא. He says right, she's saying to him right now, not you should attend a discovery seminar, you can be a discovery seminar. If you make the right choice right now, if you dig deep and behave in a godly manner rather than give into that animal impulse, if you do what's right against all odds and against all inertia and against all momentum and against everything in your interest and you still do what's right because it's right, you will be displaying godliness and you will become a piece of evidence of God's existence. Hakir na. הכרת הבורא נבחנת כשאדם עומד מול ניסיון לשבור מידות בשביל האמת. Do you know when we recognize God is not when we sit in philosophy class, it's not when we read a book on theology, it's not when we talk academically or theoretically? The real proof, the real evidence, the real rubber meets the road about our relationship with God is when our middos, is who we are and how we behave in challenging and difficult situations. ועל זה התורה אומרת ויכר יהודה שהוא התגבר על מידותיו והכיר את בוראו. And that's what the Torah says vayaker. She calls upon him hakir na and vayaker Yehuda. Yehuda does. In other words, Yehuda is not examining evidence that God exists through the choice he makes, he becomes a piece of evidence that God exists. We tend to think the way to come to awareness about Hashem is through learning the Rambam's Moreh Nevuchim or studying philosophy. But the awareness comes in an entirely different way. If Yehuda would have the courage to overcome his embarrassment and publicly admit he was responsible, that would be a reflection, a demonstration, an expression of true awareness of Hashem. The litmus test, the litmus test is not whether you could repeat back Saint Thomas Aquinas's piece of evidence or the first cause evidence or the Rambam's evidence or Aristotle's evidence. The proof that whether you believe in God is not how much evidence you could repeat. It's not how much Torah you can say. It's not how much Tanya you can recite. Everyone should come to the י"ט כסלו פארברענגען tonight, what we'll talk about the clash between the animal soul and the godly soul and what the Tanya, the Baal HaTanya introduced when he was freed from prison so many years ago. The real evidence for God is not the text that you could recite. It's not the scholarship that you could point to, it's not the people that you could quote. The real proof or evidence of God's existence is who you are and how you behave. Do you give into anger and envy and arrogance and anxiety? You don't really believe in Him. But when you dig deep in a moment where it would be understandable to fly off the handle, but instead you stay calm. It'd be understandable to get enormously anxious, but instead you stay peaceful. It'd be understandable to be envious of what someone else has, but instead you say Hashem gives them what they need and gives me what I need. When we demonstrate, when we live, when we express it, that is an altogether different level. And that's what Tamar is telling Yehuda. She's saying Yehuda, I love this insight of Rav Wolbe. She's saying Yehuda, you spent your entire life, you spent your entire career teaching and preaching about God. You're one of the great rabbis of the generation. You're on every platform, you're streamed on every service, you have the biggest crowds in person, you have the highest profile, you're an influencer online. Yehuda, you've been talking about God your entire life and your entire career, but right now haker-na. You've been talking about it your whole life, but right now when the spotlight's on, the biggest stage with the biggest opportunity, you have the ability to not only talk about it, you have the ability to demonstrate it. You have the ability to be the evidence of God. When even though it would be understandable for you to act in an altogether different way, for you to make that admission, for you to dig deep and express those middos. How do we do it? How do we reach that level that Tamar is encouraging Yehuda to get to? Says Rav Wolbe, our negative character traits are rooted in our desires, and these desires constantly rule our actions. A person will stop in the middle of doing something constructive to tell a friend a joke. When he walks outside, he needlessly looks about to see the goings-on around him, or merely to look at the people walking down the street. He stops to grab a bite just for the sake of eating without even thinking why he's eating. A person slides from one desire to another without giving a second thought to what he's doing. Without giving a second thought. Mindlessness is the problem. When we live with mindlessness, then we find ourselves eating when we're not hungry, saying things that we know are only going to hurt us to say. We find ourselves looking at or doing or going or staying awake when we know we should be sleeping. When we live mindlessly, when we let our desires dictate instead of our heart and our heart, then we find ourselves at destinations we never wanted to go to or get to. Rav Wolbe said that he learned from his rebbe, this is now I'm reading from Rav Wolbe on Chumash, which quotes from the other sefer I was translating and expands upon it. Rav Wolbe said he learned from his rebbe, Rav Yeruchem, how to control these desires. The following was found in the written resolutions of Rav Yeruchem Levovitz. He wrote, quote: I find that I'm not in control of my actions, rather my actions are ruled by a foreign body, namely materialistic wishes and all their counterparts. Therefore, I'm taking upon myself to go against my instinctive wishes five times a day. That was found in his journal and his diary. I don't know the ethics that we broke into his diary and published and shared it, but whatever, let's assume it was done with permission. So Rav Yeruchem wrote in his diary and his journal that I find myself giving into my desires. By the way, this is Rav Yeruchem, the mashgiach of the generation, the Daas Torah, the great Rav Yeruchem, and he's saying I find myself giving into my desires, my instincts, my animal impulse, I'm not really ruling and regulating myself, so I'm making a pledge and a promise, I'm taking upon myself to go against my instinctive wishes five times a day. I'll want a chocolate, I won't have it. I'll want to press snooze, I'm not pressing snooze. I have something I want to say, but it doesn't really need to be said, I'm going to hold it in. He's trying to exercise the discipline muscle. So five times a day I'm going to work out that discipline muscle so that the muscle will be strong and will be react on its own. When one goes against his natural instincts on a regular basis, even if it's with regard to seemingly insignificant things, it causes us to be more acutely aware of what one is supposed to be doing. Even if once a day, once a day, I'll come back to our campaign. If we can be disciplined enough to have kavana with the opening bracha on our opening cup of coffee, which we'll get your coffee cups soon enough, please God, if anyone wants to sponsor, feel free to speak to me. We're going to produce them in a hard ceramic mug and disposable cup fashion so you can share them with everyone around you to remind us to have that first caffeinate with kavana, the bracha, the first bracha of the day, shehakol, that everything, the day, the whole day, that first bracha of the day, shehakol, the house, the health, the car, even the people in the house, hakol, everything, nihiyeh bidvaro, it's all from You Hashem, what a bracha, what a blessing. That first bracha of the day to caffeinate with kavana. So even the discipline to do that. So many people are still removing the crust from their eyes when they swallow the bracha faster than they swallow the coffee. The discipline, the mindfulness, the presence, the consciousness, to even be there for that opening bracha, for that opening bracha. Every day Ben sends me a picture of him with his Gemara, his cup of coffee, and he says kavana for the first bracha of the day. If I get to see that before my first cup, it helps remind me to discipline with, to make the bracha with discipline with kavana. He's fantastic. So that first we exercise, imagine if you exercise that discipline muscle the first thing in the day, first thing in the day, when we're in complete control, then we can go against those other instincts. Nobody can make us lose it. Then we don't have to worry about how others are making us feel, how others are making us behave. Okay, we're ready to start. No. I don't think we're getting there. Okay, we'll pick up with this im yirtzeh Hashem next time, next time. But just keep it in mind. Don't be a spectator. Don't be a thermometer, be a thermostat. Don't be a passenger, be the pilot. Don't let others control you, realize we can't control people. We'll come back to Yocheved's question, please God next week or in the future, that okay, let's say we master not being anxious about what we're not in control of, how do we not get anxious about what we are in control of? If I had the easy answer to that, you and I would be retired, living somewhere right now, we'd write a book, we'd sell the magic formula, we'd have the easy answer. Anxiety is at all-time levels. Anti-depressants and mental health and all the medicines that go with it are at all-time record levels right now in the world. If we had the easy answer, but we'll continue to look for and share the answer. Emunah is definitely part of it. If you want to know part of the answer, I want to end by inviting everyone tonight to two things. First of all, the farbrengen, the Yud Tes Kislev farbrengen with Rav Manis Friedman, but also at nine o'clock tonight we're going behind the bimah with the great Rav Machlis. I mentioned to you, the emunah story last week was how because of the emunah shiur, we got Rav Machlis, who's leaving his comfort zone and in protest and doesn't like to do it because he's one of the most humble people on the planet. But agreed to only because of Stephanie Gross and her father's first yahrzeit is coming up, and Rav Machlis grew up with and knew and knew Stephanie's father who was an outstanding man, Howie Feintuch. נשמה שתהא לו עליה. And Rav Machlis, whose wife Rebbetzin Machlis, how many people ordered the books since last week? I gotta make an Amazon link so that we get a cut at the shul for every book that I promote. I know you can, I never have. But anyway, it's a fantastic book. It will transform your life. The best way to grow is to read biographies, as we've quoted many times before. So Rebbetzin Machlis gets the credit she deserves it. Rav Machlis is no less extraordinary. He is a man of emunah. You'll be blown away. He hosts 200 people every Shabbos at his house for meals. 200 people. In 33 years, I don't think he's missed a Shabbos. It's unbelievable. It's unbelievable. And his emunah and his positivity, we're going to talk to him. How do you stay, the simchas hachaim, you lost your life partner who was 57 years old, a mother of 14, she was unbelievable woman. And he's got a simchas hachaim and an emunah and a faith and a peace and a calm and a tranquility which is just unbelievable. And it's only thanks to the emunah shiur that for some weird reason I brought it up. So Stephanie jumped on it and we got him and you don't want to miss it that's tonight at 9 p.m. If you do miss it, then you can always listen to it afterwards. Until next time, stay happy, stay healthy, stay holy. Amen.
