Transcript
Good morning Boker tov and welcome back to Living with Emuna, our weekly support group, our weekly gathering to strengthen ourselves in that relationship with Hashem, to remind ourselves something that we implicitly and intuitively already know, but all too often forget and forget to remind ourselves that there is a Creator of the universe, that He is our Father, that He loves us, that He is involved and invested in our life. He is not only aware of but He is involved in and that we should lean on Him and love Him and feel His support and feel His love. I want to thank our generous sponsors this morning. The Emuna series for the year sponsored by Doctors Avi and Bella Morgan in memory of Rabbi Dr. Brian Galbut and in memory of Bella's mother Dr. Ellen Schanzer. Thank you so much to the Morgans, your generosity and your support mean the world. This morning's Shiur is also sponsored by our dear friend Joyce Miller in memory of her father Leizer Reuven, his yahrtzeit is tomorrow or today the 19th of Adar. He was a very special man, a pillar of the Miami Beach community, a founder of a shul, involved in Israel Bonds and AIPAC and so much more, a role model not only to the Millers but to many others and his Neshama should have an Aliyah. And lastly sponsored by Sal and Leslie Abboudi for a Refuah Shleimah, a speedy complete painless recovery for Yisrael ben Charlotte who we should hear please God good news from and good news about. Okay, we are learning Rav Itamar Morgenstern, his wonderful sefer Bayam Darechecha. We have been focusing and we have been working on our sense of Dveikus, how to cling to and connect with God, how to in those moments of anxiety, of worry, of fear, of concern, how to realize we're not alone and we're not meant to try to figure it out on our own. Nothing is random or chance, it's all by design. Whatever is happening in our lives is by design to lean into it and to embrace it and to feel the presence of Hashem through it and to know with confidence and to know with clarity and to know with a sense of comfort that there is a God in our life and therefore everything is the way it's meant to be. We take our initiative, we do our best, we try our hardest and then we let go, so I have nothing to ever be worried about, nothing to panic over, nothing to be angry or envious about and so on. Okay, so we talked about kinyan haDveikus, the proper way to acquire this, this concept, how to live that life, the best selves, the life of our best self in which we're always aware of and connected with the presence of Hashem and it included Emuna, how to think about and focus on the philosophy, the theology that there's a Creator, hisbonenus vehargasha, it included being contemplative, how to create the space and the margin to be able to think and to experience God, how to allow ourselves to feel and to emote, how to connect to Hashem through the Mitzvos we're already doing. We're Davening but how often do we get to the end of the Siddur? How often did we eat and Bensch or make the blessing but we forgot we ever said please or thank you and so on and so forth. Okay, so we're now in the third chapter, Perek Gimmel, הרגשת אור ותענוג בדביקות which is the feeling of the light and the feeling emotionally, not just intellectually, it's not just that I know there's a God intellectually. I've read about Him, I've studied about Him. Rav Weinberger would say I went to a Yom Iyun about God. I went to a day, a conference, a convention and we talked about God. Not just intellectually, but how do I experience? How do I feel His love? How do I feel His support? How do I lean on Him? How do I express gratitude to Him? How do I even object or protest to Him and so on and so forth. הנה עצם הדביקות הוא הרגשת השייכות והחיבור להשם יתברך ויש בזה שני מינים. We spoke about this, we began this last week, that when it comes to our sense of clinging, connecting to God, there are two dimensions or there are two ways in which we do it. One is Bemurgash velo bemurgash. One is visceral, one is a feeling we have, one is in our kishkas and in our bones and the other remains external to us. It's an awareness, it's a knowledge, but it's not through us. האחת היא דביקות שלא במורגש שמכיר בהכרה בהירה בשכל ובפנימיות הלב במציאות השם יתברך שהוא עמו. It means in the moment I'm starting to panic, something's going wrong, something I'm worried about won't work out, I'm feeling the pressure, that I stop and I center myself, I calibrate and I say wait, I go to the Emuna Shiur, I get the Emuna WhatsApp message, wait, I've read every book on Emuna, I have to remind myself there is a God and everything's by design and I have nothing to worry about and I'm able to restore my sense of calm. Why? Because I engaged my intellect. I reminded myself of something I should know. אבל לא מרגיש זה בהרגשה חיה בלב. But it's not something that gives me goosebumps, it's not something that makes me feel alive, it doesn't give me that magic. caffeine or energy rush. It's simply an intellectual conclusion I remind myself of, so I have an awareness. Now, mind you, this is a very high level. I don't mean to minimize this whatsoever. If a person can live with the mindfulness and with the intellectual conclusion and practice dveikus, practice clinging and sticking to God even if it is external, psh, how extraordinary. But hashniya but there is another level, and we're capable of it, and we should stretch and reach and aspire for it, not for anyone else, and not as a favor to God, but as a favor for ourselves. השנייה היא דבקות במורגש. It's to feel it in our bones, in our kishkas, שמרגיש את האור הדבקות בהרגשה חמה ובוערת בלב. That I feel the light, I feel His presence, I feel His warmth, I feel His love. It is boaires baleiv, it's burning in my heart. There's a passion, the passion is a brenn, there's a fire. Bichli hahargasha, I am a utensil, a conduit, I'm an instrument that is connecting, that is on fire, that is passionate to God. We spoke about in the parsha shiur earlier this week, the idea that the machtzas hashekel, every Jew gave the half shekel, Moshe didn't know what it looked like, and Hashem showed him a matbei'a shel eish, Hashem showed him a coin on fire. And the question we ask is, coin on fire? Moshe didn't know what a half shekel looked like? He never engaged in small change? He never touched a coin? So the answer we said was it looks externally like everyone's giving the exact same half shekel. If you look on the surface, everyone's engaged in the same external act, but the matbei'a shel eish, the idea that the coin was on fire is the idea that we bring the fire, the brenn. We bring the passion, the energy, the enthusiasm. You can do the same thing but hollow and empty and absent anything, or you can do the act where you've invested yourself, where you're fully present and mindful, where you're on fire and dedicated, devoted, and transformed. And that's what Hashem was showing Moshe, like this, like a matbei'a shel eish, and Moshe said, ah, now I get it. Everyone's not giving the same thing. The snapshot on the surface it looks the same, but the attitude and the sense of self that the person's giving for everyone it's different. And says Rabbi Itamar Morgenstern, when it comes to dveikus, practicing dveikus, it's not just this intellectual conclusion, which is critical and central and amazing if you can get to it when we need it, but it's a feeling that permeates and that bubbles. It's a feeling that that is throughout your entire being. I'll give you a mashal example, maybe it's not perfect, but I just thought of it. Sometimes the love we have for our children we have to remind ourselves of intellectually. They're driving us crazy. They're nudniks. They are relentless. They're driving us nuts. And in that moment, you have to remind myself, ah, biologically I birthed, I created, I contributed the genetics, and I love this child. I have to remind myself, don't scream, don't yell, don't lose your cool, don't place a wedge, don't make them feel bad. I have to remember I love them and I don't want to misbehave or behave that way. But other times, your child does something or you feel this connection to a child in which I've said this to my own children, I've said it to my wife, I said I don't have the words to express the love I feel for you right now. My kishkas, my heart is so full. We've used those words, every one of us, children, grandchildren, those who don't have, we bless you that you should have children or grandchildren, those who've never felt this for their children or grandchildren, we bless you you should feel it. But we use those very words in our vernacular. We describe and we say my heart is so full at this moment. My love is overflowing. The connection is enormously strong. So it's not that I want to kill you, you're driving me crazy, but intellectually I remembered I love you, so therefore I will behave the right way to you. It's that my heart is overflowing, I am overflowing with this sense of love to you. So lehavdil but similar, the sense of dveikus to Hashem, says Rabbi Itamar, there is the shelo behargasha. There are the moments where I say Hashem, I want to kill you. I'm disappointed, I'm frustrated, I feel distant, I don't know where you are, I long for you, I need you, I feel you failed me. But intellectually I remember that you're there, and intellectually I remember that you care, and intellectually I remember that it's all by design, and so I will stay calm and carry on, and so I will let go and I will let God, every other bumper sticker, billboard, and cliché you can think of intellectually, but really my being is still casual and indifferent. cold, but then there's a hargasha, there's a dveikus bemurgash, there's the Hashem, something just happened, and my heart is so full in connection and love for you. I look at the blessings in my family or something I thought was going to go wrong, I'm so relieved has gone right, or I feel so connected and attached to you that my heart is overflowing with love, I've glued myself to you. That's a level we're capable of bemurgash. It's visceral. We say it on Shabbos morning in Nishmas, we say the pasuk from Dovid Hamelech Kol Atzmosai Somarna, that all of my bones say. This is the source for shuckling in davening. Some people daven very still. מורי ורבי רב שכטר, who has most amazing kavana and is an amazing role model on this in so many areas, he stands absolutely still. The Rambam talks about standing still, your right hand over your left hand over your heart, standing still, focused in that way. But others they shuckle, and when they're trying to concentrate and trying to get into it and trying to daven, they're shuckling, they're shuckling. I saw this not a political comment, but the previous president's lawyer in a recent high-profile trial was an observant Jew, is an observant Jew, and when he was presenting his argument, he was like shifting back and forth. And some people on social media said, hey, lawyer Schoen, this is not davening, stop shuckling, you're presenting your argument. But Jews when we're concentrating, when we're focused, we shuckle. Shuckle's a Yiddish word, it means we sway, we shuckle, we move our arms, we get into it, we wake ourselves up. Where does that come from? It comes from Nishmas. Kol Atzmosai Somarna. Hashem, I'm not absolutely still, but somewhere in my head and somewhere in my heart I'm saying these things are connecting to you. No, Kol Atzmosai Somarna. My entire being is shouting out. My entire being, my bones, my veins, my arteries, my muscles, my joints, it's all singing out and screaming I love you, I'm attached to you, I feel you, I'm connected with you, I believe you, I believe you. All my being, Kol Atzmosai Somarna, everything. So that's something we're capable of, and I don't think that we'll feel either of these all the time. We fluctuate in life. There are moments the emuna is rational and it's intellectual and we have to just remind ourselves: don't get angry, it's God, this was meant to be. Don't be envious, you have what you need. There's a God. Don't be anxious, it's going to work out. How do I know? There's a God. That's the intellectual conclusion there's a God, but it's not in my being. And there are other moments that something happens and you say, wow, Hashem, I feel you, I love you, my heart is full and overflowing. Kol Atzmosai Somarna. My bones, my everything is screaming out. ודרך כלל שאדם זוכה לזה, and generally speaking it says Rav Itzamar when a person merits this, מתווסף וזו הרגשת תענוג בלבו. Do you know what goes with it? When your heart overflows. Have you ever had your heart overflow for your children or grandchildren? But say, that didn't feel good. My heart is overflowing with love for you, but it doesn't feel good and I'm in a bad mood. Those don't go together. If your heart is full and overflowing, it's got to be better than any drug or alcohol or high you can get, artificial high you could get. What high is there bigger and better than when your children are getting along, or you just took a trip, or your children do something that demonstrate they get it, they get your values, they're making you proud, or they're devoted to you, and your heart is so full with love for them? That is synonymous with pleasure, synonymous. You're never in pain or disappointed or in a bad mood when your heart is full and overflowing is in itself an amazing generator of pleasure. So says Rav Itzamar, the same is true with Hashem. When you feel the dveikus, when you cling and connect, when you feel attached viscerally through your being, through your body, all your bones, it also generates and releases this incredible rush of pleasure. Taanug belibo. You feel this pleasure. And he writes in the footnote, כך שיש בהרגשת האור אלוקי ג' נקודות. When it comes to the light of God, you feel the light, the light is penetrating, the light is coming through you, you see the light. Again, none of these are heebie-jeebie crazy out-there wacko ideas. They've entered our vernacular, we use this in our language every day. We're just directing it towards the conversation of God and Hashem. But do we not talk every day about seeing the light? I've seen the light, I started exercising. I see the light, I started behaving differently in this way. I see the light, I'm trying to salvage my relationship. So see the light of God, see the light of the divine, see him everywhere around, see it all happening for a reason. Somebody I'm close with in our community was doing a road trip, they had to drive somewhere, a long journey from Florida, and they were talking to someone on the phone who was a struggling from cancer and the consequence or the byproduct of the radiation of the chemo they're getting in their skin, and she recommended, unfortunately, this person themselves is a survivor of cancer, she recommended you need to get this cream, I don't remember what it's called, because it's going to help you, it's specifically designed when your skin is negatively impacted from the treatment you're getting for the cancer. And as she's on this road trip up I-95 corridor, up the East Coast, as she's talking to the person, she passes a billboard for this cream. Have you undergone treatment for such and such? Is your skin affected? Here is the cream and the name of the cream. And she writes me an email. Is it a coincidence? Or was it God speaking to me and helping me out in that moment? Now we know the answer, we all know the answer to that question. So there are those moments Or HaElokim, you feel the light, you feel awake, you feel alive. Come on, that's not a coincidence. It's not random, it's not chance. You're doing a good deed, a mitzvah, you're helping somebody else. You couldn't remember the name of the cream, you passed the billboard and there it is. Wow, wow, that's the Or Elokus, the Or of God is shining bright. So says Rav Itche Meir here in the footnote: עצם ההכרה במציאות השם יתברך עמנו ובחיבור עמו בבהירות כאילו רואה אותו. So Etzem hakara, the very recognition, the very identifying the existence of Hashem Yisbarach with us and the connection to him is as if we see him. So when that billboard coincidence happened for that person, they were seeing God. Now, what did God look like? He's a big billboard, what color, what font? God is not a billboard, but it means that when you see the light of God through whichever way he's engaging us, that is what it means to see God. Number two, הרגשת הדביקות בהרגשה חיה ומאירה בלבו. There's the seeing God not because I see him in the billboard or I see him in that angel who just did something for me, or I see him in that sunset, or I see him in that... but rather it's I'm feeling the connection with him and I see him through my heart. וזהו הנקרא בדרך כלל הרגשת אור. That's what it means, the connection, the feeling of light. And then there is Gimmel, התענוג המתפשט בהרגשת אור. There is the feeling. אבל באמת גם עצם ההכרה בבהירות מציאות השם יתברך וגם התענוג מהאור יכולים להקרא לפעמים אור כי כל השגה באלוקות בין במוח בין בלב בין בהכרה בין בהרגשה היא אור אלוקי שנכנס. So Rav Itche Meir here is getting at the notion that we're using this terminology of the light of God, but that light of God can mean several different things. The light of God could mean that billboard, the light of God can mean the sunset, the light of God could mean my angel, someone else doing something amazing for me. The light of God could mean a feeling in my heart. I feel alive, I feel awake, I feel dynamic, I feel vibrant, I feel connected, I feel plugged in. That is seeing the light of God, it can come in all of these different ways. I wish you could be reading together with me. For those watching on YouTube, this is the sefer Biyam Darkecha, you can order it online. It's available, you can order it online. I just bought another copy for a friend of mine, you could order it online and learn it together, follow it along together with me inside. We're on page Tzadi Zayin, actually turning the page right now to Tzadi Ches. והנה המדרגה הראשונה בהרגשת אור הדביקות. Now the first level of feeling, the first level of viscerally feeling the light of connection to God, היא הרגשת ההארה בנפשו, is the feeling of the light in your soul. By the way, I'll point out that you have to first feel your soul. If you don't know that you have a soul, you're not going to feel the light of God on your soul. When's the last time you made contact with your soul? When's the last time that you nurtured or nourished your soul? When's the last time that you took a spiritual evaluation, took an inventory of the well-being of your soul? So if you don't feel or know your soul, you're not going to feel the light of God in your soul. The first thing is to know that you have a soul. You have to know that you have a soul. And then when you know you have a soul, your soul can pick up the signal from Hashem. So you have to nurture your soul, nourish your soul, take inventory of your soul, and invest in the well-being and the health of your soul. And when you know you have a soul, when you take care of your soul, then you'll be able to have your soul be receptive and open and feel. Someone sent me yesterday a great text, someone who is in recovery, and everyone knows that I think there's enormous wisdom in recovery. We should all be in some form of a recovery, and there's wisdom for all of us from recovery. In an AA book, there's a line that says the following, it stood out to this person and he thought I would enjoy it, which he was right, and he shared it with me. Quote, if you are not as close to God as you once were, or as you would like to be, make no mistake, you are the one that moved. If you're not as close to God as you once were, or as you would like to be, make no mistake, you're the one who moved. In other words, God is perfect and infinite and omnipotent. God didn't move away from you, God didn't withdraw, he didn't pull away, he didn't become alienated, God didn't pull. but daylight or a barrier or a wedge. God's not the one who moved, you did. That's not to blame the person who moved. Maybe they moved because life circumstance, maybe a person has struggled or suffered, maybe life got in the way, maybe the person's hurt, disappointed, maybe distracted. It's not to issue judgment on the person, but it's simply to state a fact, it's to make an observation that if you're not as close to God as you once were or as you want today, make no mistake, God is not the one who moved. And I think there's enormous wisdom in it. So do we have a soul? And what inventory do we take of our soul? And how aware are we of our soul? And do we allow our soul to feel? Do we allow our soul to experience? Do we allow our soul to live? Do we allow our soul to be awake? Do we allow our soul to experience? Shekol elu, sorry, I skipped a paragraph. V'hinei המדרגה הראשונה בהרגשת אור הדביקות היא הרגשת ההארה בנפשו שמרגיש את אורו שיתברך בתוכו וזו היא ההרגשה שיש לאדם בשעה שהוא לומד תורה או כשמזמר איזה ניגון וכן מה שמרגיש השראת השכינה כשנכנס למקום קדוש וכדומה. So the first level of a feeling God, that light in our soul, to feel the light of Hashem inside us. And this is a feeling that a person has when you're learning Torah. Have you ever been to a shiur that gives you goosebumps? That made you laugh, that made you cry, that moved you, that made you dream, that drew a picture for you of who you want to be and who you could become and how you could live your life? Have you ever learned something that made you feel incredibly connected to Hashem? או כשמזמר איזה ניגון. Have you ever sung a song? Have you ever listened to music or a melody? Have you ever sang a zemer on Shabbos or Yom Tov that moved you, that made you feel alive and awake, that touched you in such a deep place that you were crying and you couldn't stop? Have you felt Hashem when you entered a makom kadosh? Have you been in a holy and a sacred space? That holy sacred space could be a hospital room. The holy sacred space could be in the inner sanctuary of people who let you in in a very vulnerable way. The inner sacred space could be watching a sunrise or a sunset. The inner sacred space, of course, could be a shul, a Beis Medrash. Have you felt something? Have you felt something at the Kotel? At Maras Hamachpelah? At Kever Rachel? In Tzfas? Have you felt something come awake, come alive, feel connected? שכל אלו הן הרגשות אמיתיות. These are real feelings. Many people mistakenly think that because they're fleeting and because they're short-lived and because they disappear they were never real to begin with. Oh, the feeling I had at the Ariz mikvah, the feeling I had at the Kosel, at the Kotel, the feeling I had in the shul, the feeling I had at that sunset where I told you I had goosebumps and my bones were screaming and I was alive and I saw who I could be and I wanted to make these changes, an hour later, a day later, a week later, a month later it was gone, so you see it wasn't real, it was counterfeit. And when I look back on my year in Israel or on that summer tour, at that family trip and that feeling I had with that kumzitz with that guitar and so on, it was never real to begin with, how do I know? 'Cause look at me now, it didn't last. No, no, no. The fact that it didn't last is a failure in you, that doesn't mean it wasn't real, it was real. How can you restore? How can you bring it back? How can you get there? How can we get there? How can we get there? When I do marriage counseling, which unfortunately I do too much of, not unfortunate for me or my time, unfortunate for the people who need it. One of the exercises and I always refer to a competent and true therapist, I only complement them, but one of the exercises I engage in always is asking the couple who have fallen seemingly out of love or out of like for one another. I say, can you remember a time when your marriage you were on fire? When you felt connected, when you felt in love? What was it? Let's go back there, describe it. What happened? What were the circumstances? Where were you? What were the qualities that drew you to one another to begin with? Can we get back there? There are layers and layers of baggage and layers and layers of residue and layers and layers of stuff that ends up covering up what were that core or the original qualities that drew us to one another, the experience that we shared together, the feelings that we once had for one another. How do we get back there? How do we recover, how do we restore? And the same is true with Hashem. Zos hargasha amittis. It is genuine, it is authentic, it is real. What you felt in that Shana Aleph or when you felt in that conversation with that high school teacher or what you felt in the middle of the night with that friend sitting on the beach all night talking about life and God, what you felt when you experienced that thing, it was real. It is genuine. שמרגיש את מציאות הקדושה בתחושה חיה בלב. You feel the existence of something sacred and holy. You know it's within you, you know it's within your reach, within your grasp, it's in the world. ובוודאי יש בזה מדרגה. There are layers and layers, there are levels upon levels. ובתחילה זה מאיר לו רק בהרגשה קלה. And in the beginning, it's a very weak feeling. The signal we pick up very lightly. אבל ככל שזוכה יותר זה נעשה מורגש ממש בתוך נפשו כחלק ממנו. But the more that we merit and the more that we practice and the more that we work out the emunah muscle, the dveikus muscle, it becomes a feeling which is truly embedded, a feeling which truly emanates from our soul. It is a chelek mimenu, it is a part and a portion of ourselves. עד שזוכה וזה נעשה ממש כל חיותו until we merit and it becomes all of our existence. We become one of those annoying Baruch Hashem people. We walk around and say with God's help, if it please God, let's ask Hashem to help us, give us the right answer, find the solution. We see and we feel and we interpret and we thank and we talk to Hashem always. Always. עד שזוכה וזה נעשה ממש כל חיותו. It becomes our very life source. It becomes everything inside us, it becomes our very sustenance. וכביכול וכאילו רואה ממש מול עיניו ולבו. I see Hashem opposite me. You know the Shulchan Aruch begins, שויתי ה׳ לנגדי תמיד. Shulchan Aruch begins that a person should live, שויתי ה׳ לנגדי תמיד, Hashem is opposite me always. And the Sha'ar HaTziyun writes in his commentary to the Shulchan Aruch. He says a person should write these words on a little scrap of paper, שויתי ה׳ לנגדי תמיד, that Hashem is opposite me always, and stick it inside their siddur. And while you're davening you put that little piece of paper, the little scrap of paper, שויתי ה׳ לנגדי תמיד. I think it should be a sticker on your phone and on your laptop and on your dashboard and on your mirror and on your refrigerator. Ein od milvado, there is nothing but God. And שויתי ה׳ לנגדי תמיד and I see him everywhere. I see him everywhere. Shiviti Hashem, God is before me everywhere. In every conversation, in every interaction, in every experience, in every thought, in every memory, in every conversation, מרוב שהוא מרגיש אותו. I can't stop feeling him. I can't stop feeling connected to him. I can't stop thinking about him. I can't stop observing his presence in every aspect of my life. This is our mission, this is our mandate, this is what we're trying to accomplish. This is how we are trying to live. Not for his benefit, but for our own. Not for his good or because he's asked, because it makes us come alive and gives us our best life yet. We'll continue with more of this next week, living with emunah. If you're watching on YouTube, and we're no longer going to be broadcasting on Zoom, the few people, the handful still on Zoom, this is your last week on Zoom. Pay attention to the Zoom WhatsApp group, the daily email, and the reminders for the link to YouTube where you can just find it on our YouTube page. If you're watching on YouTube, please subscribe. By subscribing, you'll be notified in real time every time we go live with every class. Go off of Zoom. All you have to do is subscribe on YouTube and by subscribing you'll be notified whenever we go live with a shiur. Come learn with us tonight 9:00 PM. We go behind the bimah with one of my favorite authors, A.J. Jacobs, author of four New York Times best-selling books. A really great, fantastic, thought-provoking author. Very excited. 9:00 PM tonight. Until next time, stay happy, stay healthy, and stay holy.
